People Get Nervous About Their Behaviour In These "Am I The Jerk?" Stories

"I would like to start by saying my suite mate (19F) and I (18F) are not friends. We are two people who share a space together, so none of this affects our friendship in any way. This started about a month ago when she first moved in. She asked if I was okay with her partner (19M) coming over, and I said yes, as long as I was told beforehand. However, he is here all the time and at all hours of the night without any warning. I don’t like it because even though we don’t share a room, we share a very thin wall. So when they’re engaging in intimate activities on the walls and yelling at all hours of the night, it started getting on my nerves. After a week, I asked her if he could leave by 10 p.m. on school nights, and she fully agreed. This agreement lasted 2 days, and then he was back to staying over. I didn’t mention anything until about 3 days ago when I sent her another message, essentially reiterating my boundaries and concerns. We had a long discussion about it, and she once again fully agreed to the 10 p.m. on school nights limit. However, last night I watched him sneak in at around 11, and he did not leave until early this morning. Here’s where I may be AITJ. 1) I never confront her immediately when she begins bringing her partner over again. She does tend to try to sneak when she knows it’s wrong (i.e., her partner coming in yesterday or trying to whisper after 10 [emphasis on trying. This lasts 10 minutes and I can still hear them]), but I never address it because, outside of the partner situation, she’s not a bad suite mate and I don’t want to ruin that or have a true horror story for the rest of the year. So she might not even know just how much this is bothering me. 2) She admitted that he’s over so often partly because she’s having a hard time, and I completely sympathize with that. I also don’t want to make her time harder with a jerk who says he can't be here for her when she struggles. I feel like I am backed into a corner with only one route left, so WIBTJ?" Another User Comments: "NTJ, but you need to stop dragging your feet. She's basically agreeing because she's not listening and you aren't really forcing her to. The fact is, they can text or talk on the phone or she can go stay with him, but if his being there is significantly disrupting your ability to sleep, then you need to be more strict with your expectations. And as a light sleeper myself, I'd be a monster if I were being kept awake, especially because it takes me forever to fall asleep or go back to sleep once awakened. Start immediately texting or knocking on her door when she breaks the boundary. Do not wait for days because that's only making it worse. Good luck." NoHouse1530 Another User Comments: "You are being too meek here. She is pretending to listen to your concerns, just to steamroll over them. As you are in a dorm, first tell the RA. You have tried to address it yourself; it didn't work. Second, make it very unpleasant for her to have her partner over. When they make noise, make more noise. If you hear banging, bang on the walls yourself. They think you are a pushover." Square-Minimum-6042