People Cry Over Their Mistakes In These 'Am I The Jerk?' Stories

"I (52f) have two stepdaughters through my husband of five years Donna (26f) and Dana (21f), and while Dana and I had a decent relationship I had no relationship with Donna. Although, not through lack of trying. I met and saw my husband for two years before I married him and during that time I tried to reach out to Donna and offered to take her out on fun outings, figure out what her interests were, or even engage in some polite conversation during family gatherings. Donna was not interested and I started to back off when I felt her annoyance at my behavior. I wasn't trying to be the type of stepmom who wants to replace the deceased one, I just wanted to have a positive relationship. I asked my husband for tips but he told me not to bother as Donna has always been standoffish and difficult. Her grandparents told me to just give her time while Dana called her a stubborn and sensitive jerk. Donna isn't very nice to Dana's mom (they're half-sisters) and she blames her for her parent's divorce and resents the fact that Donna is their grandparent's favorite. I wanted to ask more about it but I felt like that would be too pushy and nosy and just kept on. When my husband and I got engaged I reached out to Donna (through her grandparents) about her being a bridesmaid but she declined and didn't even show up to the wedding. I was hurt but didn't say anything when she graduated I didn't kick up a fuss about not being invited to the ceremony but passed along a message in the form of a card stating what an amazing accomplishment this was for her, that she has so much potential, I know how much her mom would be proud of her as I would be of my children (I've got two kids from a prior relationship), and that I'm here for any advice if she needs it. After that I just let it be. Then I found out about the past family drama and it all clicked. Dana's mom was a horrible stepmom to Donna. Dana's mom treated her horribly and favored her daughter constantly. Dana's mom even took jewelry that belonged to Donna's mom for herself and sold most of them. My husband did nothing about it. I had a horrible stepparent myself and felt for Donna so I went through Dana's room, found Donna's mom's necklace, and then gave it to Donna's aunt who in turn gave it to Donna. This has caused a lot of strife between me and my husband but I refuse to apologize. Dana is now calling me a jerk and a thief and says that she's going to call the authorities unless I pay her so AITJ?" Another User Comments: "NTJ from what I'm understanding - if you know for a fact it was Donna's mom's necklace, then the item was originally stolen and all you did was return it to the rightful owner. I would probably apologize to Dana and let her know the history, as it's possible she didn't realize what her mom had done and who the necklace belonged to (giving her the benefit of the doubt on this)" remainsofme   Another User Comments: "NTJ.  You righted a pretty severe wrong, so good on you.  Furthermore, what is going on with your husband with all of this?  You know, the guy who is supposed to take care of HIS daughters.  This is firmly on that guy. And I say guy because no self-respecting man would let his new wife steal and sell heirlooms that were rightfully his elder daughters. Is this the man you expected to find when you married him?  " mildlyupstpsychopath