People Cry Over Their Mistakes In These 'Am I The Jerk?' Stories

"I (39y M) live with my wife (39y F), son (4y M), and MIL (66y F). My business has been running into problems lately, so I have been stressed and unable to sleep much.

In the last 5 days, I have probably slept maybe 20 hours. I have been occasionally breaking out into hives lately as well which may or may not be stress related.

My wife wanted to throw a party and invite maybe 30-ish people of our mutual friends, her friends and co-workers, and their kids.

She let me know the day before. I was a bit annoyed with the short notice, but I have long accepted that my wife is very sociable and outgoing, so I don't argue about those sorts of things. I am more of an introvert, but I usually try my best to keep up with her. Plus she said that if I needed to work late that night, it's okay, don't worry about anything, and she would have a plate of food ready for me when I got home.

So I got home at around 8:00 PM, and everyone was there. I ate a bit and made the rounds to visit people.

My social battery went to zero pretty quickly, and I had popped a Benadryl (instead of my usual Claritin), so I was getting tired. Our house was not that big, so there were people just about everywhere. No real place of refuge, and regardless, it would have been too loud to truly fall asleep.

I told my wife that I was tired and that I was going to sleep in my car. I thought better of it once I got in my car, figuring that everyone would think I was weird whenever they ended up seeing me. So I decided to drive to my other house, where my parents live, to go crash on their couch (they were at home and not in attendance at the party).

Also figured that no one would truly notice. People outside would think I'm inside, people inside would think I'm outside, etc. This was around 9:15 PM.

Woke up the next morning to a few missed calls from my wife, and one of our friends. They had called between midnight and 1 AM.

Came home at like 6 AM before anyone woke up, made breakfast for everyone, got ready for work, and got my son ready for school. My wife said that I was a jerk for leaving, which embarrassed her in front of her friends and for not helping clean up afterward. I assume my MIL thinks the same way because she is giving me the silent treatment. AITJ?"

Another User Comments:

"NTJ. >Plus she said that if I needed to work late that night, it's okay, don't worry about anything, and she would have a plate of food ready for me when I got home.

She knows you're under stress and told you not to worry about anything. To me, that includes your attendance and help with clean up. >Our house is not that big, so there were people just about everywhere. No real place of refuge, and regardless, it would have been too loud to truly fall asleep. Imagining coming home to this after a long stressful week of little sleep almost gave **me** hives. The only thing I think you could have done better is just go to the other house in the first place and skip the party ... or give your wife a heads up that you were leaving that party. Either way, NTJ." Leading_Task8778

Another User Comments:

"NTJ You’re a saint OP. If my partner had, had the audacity to inform (not ask) me that they were throwing a party within 24 hours I would be seething. You were tired, why would you help clean up after a party you had nothing to do with?

You were not the host. Your wife needs to respect your working hours and ignore your MIL. Her silence is a gift. Don’t apologize for a darn thing. They’re both likely upset because ‘you’ made them look bad. It must have been awkward for her guests to realize she was throwing a party and her exhausted husband had to leave his own house just to sleep. That type of behavior is the type of stuff I take note of in my friendships. My spouse and I would come back home gossiping about how your wife was so inconsiderate." EJ_1004

Another User Comments:

"NTJ. My husband and I are in the same situation.

He's much more social and will randomly invite people over. He's well aware my social battery is not the same as his. He's fine with me being social for a short bit/ making the rounds, and bailing for happy hours at our house. For big events like his birthday or holidays, we plan and I'll stay for the whole thing and clean up afterward. You probably could have communicated better about your change in plans about where you were staying though." Icarusgurl