People Ask Us To Carefully Evaluate Their Equivocal "Am I The Jerk" Stories

"I (F 21) live with my parents. I'm a full-time student and I do seasonal work during the holidays.

My parents don't charge me rent and I understand that I'm quite privileged.

I have one sibling, my brother Curtis (M 28). He moved out 4 years ago and lives with his wife and two kids, ages 10 and 6.

Curtis and I recently had a big argument and I think he is being unreasonably hostile towards me and owes me an apology.

I ranted about this situation to a friend and she suggested I ask people on the internet.

The argument started because my parents brought up my living situation at dinner and mentioned that the house would feel empty when I moved out. Curtis said that he thinks that I am spoiled because they do not charge me rent and that he thinks it is unfair that they charged him rent when he lived under their roof but don't charge me rent.

My dad told Curtis to stop it and that that was different: Curtis already had a kid when he was 18 and was working full-time, and also had his different women at the time living in the house.

After dinner, my mom, Curtis, and I were alone in the kitchen and he again brought it up.

He accused our mom of 'coddling' me and said that if I was his child, he'd charge me rent. My mom kept deliberately talking over him but Curtis kept bringing it up and raising his voice. I just left the room and he followed me a few minutes later.

He accused me of being the golden child and said he didn't understand why our parents wouldn't listen to him. I called him controlling and said that whether I pay rent to them is actually not his business and doesn't affect his life. He started full-on screaming at me and said he'd NEVER be controlling towards his family and I was horrible to even say that.

Everyone else heard his screaming and his wife told him it was time for them to go home and they left.

I'm feeling quite lost in this situation and I'm wondering if I was the jerk."

Another User Comments:

"NTJ. I don’t really see the disparity.

He brought 3 people into the household when you were a minor. Your parents put a roof over his, his child and other adults' heads. Of course, he should be contributing to the costs accumulated. It could be worded that he was rent-free, the rent was because there was a non-family member adult in the household. And a child is expensive so he should be contributing to the extra costs of having a baby/toddler in the house. I doubt the rent he paid even covered their expenses, and he was happy to pay them at the time." Unlikely-Shop5114

Another User Comments:

"It's odd that they would charge him rent because he had a child that he needed to make money for. However, they were housing his child and also helping raise the child. He has a 10 and a 6-year-old and only just moved out 4 years ago.

So I do think it made sense to charge him rent. Being a full-time student who only has time to work seasonal jobs doesn't really allow one to pay rent. He's jealous that he made some irresponsible choices when he was younger and resents you for not, and inaccurately blaming you and dubbing you the 'golden child' for not putting yourself in the same circumstances as him.

To continue to raise his voice over your mom when your mom clearly didn't want to talk about it anymore, following you out of the room to continue insulting you, and then SCREAMING contradictory insults at you? He's really immature and has a lot of misplaced anger for someone who's a father of two children and is a whole 7 years older than you.

He needs therapy and you're NTJ." Regular-Coast7158