People Try To Heal After These 'Am I The Jerk?' Stories

I (25F) recently moved into a townhouse with my 3-month-old baby (her father is not involved in her life). It's our first home on our own. My mom came over to visit and we started discussing our plans for Christmas, as usually we try to get her side and my dad's side of the family together. We talked about doing Christmas at my place this year since I will have a 6-month-old who will likely be mobile by that time and it would be easier to have an already baby-proofed house. It was at this point she asked me if her partner could come. I was hesitant because even though they have been together for about 3.5 years, she's told me before they have a casual relationship, they are not exclusive. In the past he has made family gatherings awkward especially when my dad is there. I also feel like when he's there I don't get any time with my mom. Maybe I'm being selfish but I want to spend time with her too. So I told her no I don't want him to come, but she started getting upset and arguing with me saying I don't understand their relationship. She also said I don't see him as a human since he doesn't celebrate Christmas with his family and would just be alone and because of me he would be alone on Christmas day. I told her she could always come another day around or come by herself at a different time if she wanted to spend some time with him before or after coming to my place. But in the end, I just told her she would have to choose and decide who she wanted to be with for Christmas day. After that, she said no one accepts her in her family and no one understands her polyamorous relationship. I told her I don't mind her doing what she does, it's not my business. At the same time, I don't agree with it and it does make things awkward at family events especially when my dad and his family are around. But she thinks I'm trying to prevent her from seeing her granddaughter around the holidays and I don't want her to feel that way. I do want to compromise with her, but I also want to have a comfortable family gathering, it being the first one I'll be hosting. Am I in the wrong here? Am I just being selfish & need to get over it and tell her he can come? Another User Comments: "I can't imagine a parent saying to an adult child they can't be a partner in a family function because it would mean they don't get quality time with the adult child. Everybody here would scream a murder. Mom is right that you don't accept her or her relationship. And that is as sucky as when parents refuse to accept your relationship. If the dude is unsafe or uncomfortable, you don't have to have him there. But it is the same exclusion as if she refused to host your long-term partner." unsafeideas Another User Comments: "I'm going to disagree with the crowd and say I think you're being unfair. It's not easy to support those we love through decisions we don't approve of but supporting them and loving them anyway is part of the job. It's your mom. Asking her to choose is mean. Your dad can handle himself, he's an adult. They are already grown enough to attend Christmas in the same house. It's not easy to be around someone you once shared life with as they move on but that's par for the course. I think you need to get over it and support your mom. You would hope for the same from her." User Another User Comments: "NJH I think you need to tell her that you feel you don't get quality time with her when he's at events and that is why you don't want him to come. I don't think anyone here is being unreasonable just tell her more specifically the reasons why so she knows it's not an attack on her relationship. although after almost 4 years together, he's probably going to be apart of your mum's life for a while and excluding him much longer is going to have consequences with you and your mum. That's your choice really." User