People Beg Us To Help Them Squash Their “Am I The Jerk?” Dilemmas

"I (26F) moved into my house last December, a semidetached in the UK.

It’s just me and my two cats and while the neighbor I’m connected to is great, I’m having problems with my neighbor on the other side (40sF) not connected to my property.

On our whole street of semis, the gap between the houses is divided by a fence that goes down the middle of our driveways.

They are NOT shared driveways: every house has its own driveway, and we all have parking bays outside our houses too. Mine and my neighbour’s are the only houses that don’t have a fence between them. The owner was nice when I first met her, but our second time speaking was when I went over to tell her about the fence - legally I’m allowed to put it up, but just wanted to inform her. She switched from being as nice as pie to groaning and sighing, saying she’d lived there for 20 years and liked not having a fence because she’d hated a previous owner’s one and convinced the last owner to take it down. I said I wanted one for my privacy and safety, plus my cats, as no fence and gate makes my house extremely open to the road. She then proceeded to tell me, unprompted, that she’s divorcing her husband as he was cruel towards her and she now lives alone with her son (13M), who has additional needs but mimics his dad’s actions towards her, and she needs space to get him in and out of the car. I’ve been in several bad relationships myself but I was extremely uncomfortable with how bluntly she told me the information when we’d just met so made my excuses and left.

Since then I’ve found her to be extremely nosy and overbearing. Any time I’m getting work done on my house, she comes over and demands to know what they’re doing even when they’re clearly painting my house or fixing my front door.

My friend once parked in my driveway and she banged on the door and told me to make her move as she couldn’t get into hers - she could, she just wanted to park in a particular spot and get out without banging her car door into my friend’s car (she’s quite a large lady and throws the door open fully when she gets out). She continually walks over my driveway as do her friends and family, setting off my Ring camera daily, but I’ve bitten my tongue about saying anything as I’ve still planned to put the fence up and didn’t want it to seem petty/just in response to them treating it like a shared driveway.

Where I might be the jerk is the fact that it WOULD be more difficult for her to get in and out of her car with a fence, and my parents saying it wasn’t respectful of her due to the family issues she told me about and that her son is a lot (he often stands on the driveway screaming at her).

I just want the physical distance from her though - I’m sick of her being a busybody and it feels like she feels entitled to use my driveway as well as hers because of how long she’s lived there. So, AITJ?"

Another User Comments:

"NTJ. Put the fence back up, but also think about how you're going to deal with her complaining and moaning at you for years. She likely "convinced" the previous neighbor to take it down due to an unrelenting campaign of harassment--it worked for her once, she's going to try it again." PurpleMarsAlien

Another User Comments:

"NTJ.

1. She can't and won't respect your space

2. Length of time in house entitles her to nothing

3. Her friends and family don't respect your space

4. You have a legitimate concern with your animals and the road

5. I'd want something physical between her house and mine given everything you've described

6. Don't think you should think twice about that fence." ReviewOk929

Another User Comments:

"Go for the fence. NTJ. You want and need it, it's a norm in the neighborhood, etc. The agreement the prior owner made with her does not have any bearing on you, you aren't obligated to uphold it in any way, and just as she has reasons why she doesn't want a fence, you have reasons why you do.

As this is a norm and 'expected' within the development - your property is the exception - it makes sense to put one up. It sounds like she is used to seeking out exceptions and special treatment, and I don't see why you should have to accommodate that if it runs against what you want and need in your housing situation." owls_and_cardinals