People Look Forward To Being Better Individuals By Getting Their "Am I The Jerk" Stories Assessed

"I hosted Thanksgiving at my home this year. We have several lactose-intolerant family members, one of them being my son’s husband, so I made some recipes using oil or olive oil 'butter' over real butter, or using Lactaid milk so it would be safe.

I made sure to put the dairy-free items apart from anything with regular milk and butter by having a separate small table for those dishes.

My son-in-law ended up feeling very ill and my son brought him to the ER that night. Even though I used safe ingredients he still had a reaction to something unknown in the food.

My son rang me up from the hospital asking what was in the dishes at the dairy-safe table. I told him I used oil, vegan butter, and Lactaid. He was upset with me because I put milk into the mashed potatoes. I told him again I put Lactaid milk so it would be safe.

My son-in-law has recovered and is doing well. My son, however, is quite upset with me and claims he cannot trust me to cook food for them again because I 'mislabeled' the food. He is claiming he has told me many times about his husband’s dairy allergy, and I agree he has which is why I made separate food.

It is now to the point where the family doesn’t want me to make any dairy-free dishes for Christmas because I am 'failing to understand.' Instead, they have all agreed my sister-in-law will make some of those dishes while my son and son-in-law will make the rest.

I am beside myself because I love to cook for and feed my family. I feel I am being displaced when what happened on Thanksgiving could have been caused by a reaction to anything."

Another User Comments:

"Your son-in-law is not lactose intolerant, he is allergic to dairy.

Lactose intolerance is a completely different medical condition compared to dairy allergy. People who are allergic to dairy cannot have Lactaid milk or any dairy in any form. I can see that you tried your best to make something safe for your son-in-law, but, it sounds like, without knowing, you made a mistake that could have resulted in your son-in-law's death.

Also, it seems like you still don't understand the reason why the food that you made was not safe for your son-in-law so it's really for the best, for his safety, if you don't cook for him again. I'm sure you would not want your son-in-law to become very ill or die from eating food you cooked, so, I really hope you can come to terms with this and not feel like anyone is trying to displace you." Reasonable-Sale8611

Another User Comments:

"YTJ. A dairy allergy is different than a lactose intolerance. For people with lactose intolerance, that means they cannot process one specific sugar in milk, lactose. In those cases, lactaid and other lactose-free milk are viable substitutes, because they are milk without lactose, the one thing people with lactose intolerance cannot process.

However, a dairy allergy is not just to that one sugar. It's to other parts of milk, too. So when you put lactaid in the potatoes, you were not making dairy-free potatoes. You made lactose-free potatoes, which were safe for people with lactose intolerance, but not for people with dairy allergies. You should not have called your potatoes dairy-free, and I wouldn't trust you to cook for someone with allergies, either." AliceInWeirdoland