People Get Jumpy Recounting Their 'Am I The Jerk?' Stories

"I (36M) have a son (15M) and a daughter (17F), and they've been friends with our neighbor who I'll call Ron. (17M) since childhood. Recently, my daughter and Ron were hanging out with a friend, and they walked into our house as they left their friend's place.

This is where the problem occurred.

My son, who was at home with me, let out a big sigh after seeing Ron and asked why he was here. I was confused by what he meant. That's when my son vented about being tired of Ron's constant presence and made hurtful comments about his sexuality(Ron is gay).

It was shocking because my son had never expressed any issues with the neighbor before and had always been close to him.

Ron was visibly hurt and offered to leave, but I insisted he stay but he said it was okay and left anyway. My daughter and I were rightfully upset and I admit we were yelling.

I asked what his problem was. He yelled back saying he couldn't help not wanting to be around Ron all the time.

I tried being calm, asking my son why would he say something like that to Ron. At this point, my daughter had already left and went with Ron.

My son refused to answer me and just kept saying he was sorry. I told him I'm not the one to be saying sorry too. I told him I raised him better than this and this made him cry.

In the heat of the moment, I made the decision to ground my son.

I took away his phone, PS5, and all his electronics, leaving him with only the TV in his room without the remote. He started crying even more and begged me not to go through with it, but I stood firm, telling him he needed to apologize to Ron the next morning.

Now, I'm conflicted. My daughter supports my decision but when I spoke to Ron, he suggested I let it go assuring me he would be okay. I think he might be right, I tried talking to my son again, but he is straight up refusing to talk to me and keep saying please leave him alone in a quiet tone.

I don't think I'm in the wrong for grounding my son, but I'm wondering if I went too far, considering it's his first time saying something like this.

Am I the Jerk for the way I grounded him?"

Another User Comments:

"NTJ for calling your son out, and I can’t really speak on the grounding, I’m not a parent.

I will say that I think a talk with your son about what those comments mean would be good. Even at 15, he may not really understand just how stigmatizing that is. And it could be bred from stuff he hears at school and online. I also wouldn’t expect Ron to step in; it feels pretty embarrassing to have received those comments. I’d reassure Ron that he’s always welcomed, and that you’re talking about this topic with your son about it." sick_tone

Another User Comments:

"NTJ No matter what else is going on homophobia isn't ok. You can't be teaching your son "homophobia is ok if you were in a bad mood at the time", or "homophobia is ok if you are angry with a gay person".

There are a couple of scenarios I can think of that require more delicate follow up though, despite the fact they still don't excuse homophobia. 1) Maybe your son is attracted to men and is unhappy about it, so using homophobia to overcompensate. 2) Maybe Ron asked your son out or made a move and your son is worried he comes across as gay, so using homophobia to overcompensate." ttnl35

Another User Comments:

"NTJ What your son said was hurtful not just to Ron, but to anyone with a little empathy. Any apology should should come organically and heartfelt; but this is not something you can demand as a father from a teenager, doing so could only drive a wedge between your intent and his skewed beliefs.

Keep your daughter and her friends close, and show your son through actions, not words, that people of all kinds are capable of love and kindness; maybe he can join the group." dolo724