People Get Jumpy Recounting Their 'Am I The Jerk?' Stories

"I have been married to my husband Will for 3 years now, went out for 2. Before me, Will was married to his high school sweetheart Anna for 3 years. Tragically Anna passed away during the birth of their child, a little boy they named Damian. I met Will 3 years later. He was my older cousin's college friend. Will wasn't looking for a relationship but we somehow hit it off. I met Damian 2 months into making our relationship official. I adore the little one with all my heart. And he is just the sweetest little man in the world. Always smiling and happy and polite. I would say I fell in love with Damian first and Will later. His parents and siblings were happy for Will and me and always thanked me for being there for Damian. Anna's family however, did not like me. They thought Will was moving too fast and that I wasn't a good influence on Damian. For context, I'm Muslim and Anna's family are very strict Catholics. Their attitude towards me kept getting worse as Damian began getting more comfortable with me as a constant presence in his life. And because he was so young and Anna's family lived kind of far away, they weren't much of an influence in Damian's life. Will did take Damian to visit them once every month but as a young kid, he obviously preferred his dad and later me. I want to have kids later (in my 30s) so for much of his childhood, Damian will be my only kid of sorts. And as a result, we got really close and he started calling me mama. This enraged Anna's family as they felt like Will and I were trying to erase Anna from Damian's life. That wasn't true but you couldn't really explain the concept of a stepmother to a 5, 6 or 7 year old. Damian would get upset whenever someone said I wasn't his "real" mom and so I requested others to stop mentioning Anna until Damian was a little bit older. When I made this request, not only were Anna's family members enraged but Will's siblings also agreed and said I was trying to take Anna's place and that it would be a very jerk thing to do. But I don't think I'm being cruel or mean by trying to be a good mother figure to Damian and think of his feelings. Like, Anna is gone but Damian is the one here right now. Shouldn't his feelings/thoughts matter more? Am I being manipulative in anyway? AITJ?" Another User Comments: "I was with you until this “I requested others to stop mentioning Anna until Damian was a little bit older”. Now it DOES sound like you’re trying to erase Anna, whether you meant it to come across that way or not. You’re not a jerk for Damian calling you mama, but to ask other people to essentially pretend like Anna never existed is incredibly unfair, especially on her family." New-Pea-3721 Another User Comments: "NTJ for trying to be a good mother for Damian. Soft jerk for trying to cut the memory of Anna out of his life. A 7-year-old boy gets the meaning of step mother. Or of 'I have a mother in heaven and one who takes care of me'. Do not erase Anna from his life. But be open with this as much as it is appropriate for his age and let him have two mommies." Trevena_Ice Another User Comments: "Everyone's a jerk. I think asking everyone not to mention Damien's bio mother is doing a disservice to her memory. Not talking about the elephant in the room doesn't make it easier to deal with years down the road. It would be normal for a family who lost their daughter to be upset. Especially since you asked them not to mention their deceased daughter/his bio mom around Damien for now. If he wants to call you "mama," that's up to you all. However, you can explain that he has two "mamas" or something along those lines. Kids are perceptive and smarter than you think. I think it should be handled better. You can create space for both you and her." True-Mousse4957