People Wonder If They Should Apologize In These “Am I The Jerk?” Stories

"I (25F) am the mother of two girls (8&5) currently pregnant with my third. I've been taking care of my sister (34F) who was diagnosed with schizoaffective disorder about 3 years ago. She's been unmediated & refuses to seek treatment no matter what & I've tried everything from calling the police (several times), judges, and legal aid to get a medical power of attorney. She's been committed 3 times, the first two times didn't do much, they only kept her a week & the last time seemed pretty promising but we'll circle back to that. We have had a pretty rocky relationship just these past few years, her episodes are pretty intense. It's constant yelling & screaming, harassing people & just saying horrible disgusting things 24/7 that my kids shouldn't be hearing. We've had issues with her harassing neighbors, literally going outside & screaming in the middle of the night, banging on people's doors saying that she's gonna cut their heads off & all kinds of other stuff. I've had to move 3 times in 1 year because of the things she does & I'm just at the point where I'm starting to resent her for it & hate her because she's making my life so miserable. I'm at a point in my life where I want to move forward & be happy, I deserve it & so do my kids. The last time she was committed was by force because I did leave her behind the last time I moved & while she was on the streets she ended up getting committed somehow. When she got out she contacted me & I let her come stay with me because at the end of the day, she's my sister you know.. she was actually medicated & I thought she was making progress but it didn't last long & now we're just right back where we started. My partner of 3 years and I got approved for a place together & we'll be moving in together so we can be more of a family & my sister just doesn't fit into that. She says horrible things about my partner that aren't true & could never be true. My sister says that I'm choosing a man over my family but that's just not the case. He's an amazing man & he loves me & my kids & has done nothing but help us (even her) even though she does nothing but treat him like trash. I know it's the illness but I'm just tired of trying to help her when she clearly doesn't want to be helped. AITJ for leaving her behind & cutting all ties when we move?" Another User Comments: "Your partner and children ARE your family and their welfare has to take priority over someone who will not help themselves. Schizo-affective disorders can often be really well controlled with meds (some are more resistant) - IF the person stays on their meds. Unfortunately, some people think that they don't need the meds because they are fine, and will not accept that they are fine BECAUSE they are taking their meds. No jerks here, as your sister is so clearly unwell so can't really call her a jerk even though the behaviors are - just a sad situation and you have my sympathy." TeenySod Another User Comments: "You aren’t causing your sister to become homeless. The old saying, “You can lead a horse to water but you can’t make it drink,” applies here. Not only have you led her to water, but you’ve been putting the water into a bucket and holding it directly in front of her mouth 24/7 for YEARS now. Stop holding that water bucket up. She isn’t going to drink out of it. I know it’s your sister and this sucks to hear, but you’ve done everything you can for her and it’s just not working. It’s not getting better. I hope you can get some good recommendations or guidance from the other commenters that might lead to getting her some help. NTJ." TAforScranton Another User Comments: "NTJ. You are NOT: her parent, her mental health team, a halfway house, a motel, or a monster. You are a woman who has been doing her best and unfortunately -- sorry, this is going to hurt -- you've allowed her to dominate your children's lives. She is harming them. Damaging them. This is so above your pay grade that you will never earn that much! Look, if you were all on a boat and the boat sank, would you save your children, or would you save her? I hope to God you'd save the children you are responsible for. What if you were saving her from drowning but she refused to drop the boulder she was carrying? How long would you keep trying to save her? I'm so sorry for you both. Her diagnosis is horrible and, unfortunately, so resistant to help. Nevertheless, it isn't your diagnosis. Please, allow yourself to have a life. You literally cannot do this anymore. Give your children a life that isn't steeped in this horror show." Fredsundertheblanket