People Are Stumped On What To Do About Their "Am I The Jerk?" Situations

"My father is pressuring me to pay for my sister's vacation with the family because she's in debt while I'm financially stable.

I'm always willing to help my sister and contribute to family expenses, but I feel trapped as the only successful person in the family. I earn three to four times more than most family members.

My wife and I regularly visit Disneyland and travel for work and family gatherings, which might be fueling some jealousy.

Additionally, my parents recently came into money from selling land they had bought years ago. I'm concerned that they're spending this windfall recklessly and won't have anything left.

Recently, a relative of mine announced their wedding, and we planned to attend. However, my father insisted that my wife and I join their mini-vacation, which is only three days long.

I explained that this clashes with my work schedule, as my job follows a seasonal pattern and I must adjust my plans accordingly. This upset him, and he stated that I would need to cover the expenses for my sister to attend the next planned vacation. To be forward I tried to get her on a family vacation a year ago and I had already paid for her to go, but she bailed last-minute. I won't do it again.

It was impractical because even my sister has a busy schedule, much like mine, with seasonal work commitments.

Our schedules align closely, but my father insisted that everyone had to be together for the entire duration of the trip. In my view, such trips should be focused solely on the wedding and not be burdened with additional activities that might clash with the significance of the bride and groom's special day.

He demanded that I cancel my plane tickets to accommodate his idea of a trip. The cost of our direct flights for my wife and me is $1.3k due to the long distance and expensive location. He even suggested canceling our planned Disney trip for later in the year to make room for this.

I thought his suggestion was unreasonable and refused. As a result, I removed him from social media, along with another family member who supported his demands.

Am I the jerk?"

Another User Comments:

"NTJ. Calmly and firmly inform your father that you're not financially responsible for paying for your sister to go on vacation and that you’ve already been burned from paying for her last year only to have her bail at the last minute and you’ll not be paying for her in the future either, as again she’s not your financial responsibility.

You’ll also not be canceling any future holidays to accommodate his vacation either, that you are a married adult, and where and when you choose to vacation is no one else’s business and he needs to realize that you work and are unable to drop work to accommodate him at the last minute.

Also just because you're financially responsible with your money, doesn’t mean that anyone in the family is entitled to both your and your wife’s earnings. So no more demands to pay for your sister to go on vacation anymore because it won’t be happening." G8RTOAD

Another User Comments:

"NTJ. You are not required as an adult to pay for anything you don’t want to do or go anywhere you don’t want to go. You have to be upfront with your dad or this will never stop. You set a precedent last year when you paid for her, but in my opinion so did she when she canceled. She might have had a valid reason but you were out the money.

Tell them that just because you are financially responsible does not mean you are paying for any portion of any trip anymore that is not yours/wife’s/kids' if any. You will only be doing this if you agreed to go, not just because he decided he wants it now. You will not be canceling any future trips you have already bought and paid for, that is unreasonable to even ask that. If he can’t agree to these then stop vacationing with them. You aren’t a wallet and are just there to make things easier. I’ve traveled with family and it’s nice occasionally but there’s no way I’d do it often just because of stuff like this, someone always tries to assert rules and it isn’t needed." Beautiful_Pain_7287