People Want Us To Take Their "Am I The Jerk?" Stories Seriously

"My bio dad died when I was young and my mom remarried when my sister was 8 and I was 10. We are now in our late 20s. Stepdad focused a lot of his time providing for us so I never got close to him but I am grateful for him.

I am engaged and my sister is going to marry in about a month. My wedding will be in a year. Both of us are close to our mom though.

My sister, who I will call Noelle, messed up, in my opinion. At first, I was on her side but now I just feel bad for stepdad.

Noelle isn’t going to have him walk her down and give her away. I understand this is her decision and when that came out I helped my mom and stepdad understand that it was her choice. The turning point happened last week when she told us that he would not be sitting at the family table, when I asked her why she made it clear he wasn’t family to her. Again her right but gosh he is the reason we had such a good childhood and are debt-free (he paid for college and worked a ton).

I knew this would result in them not going to the wedding and they informed my sister. She called me upset and was ranting about how it was her wedding.

That she was being abandoned. I had enough and told her she was an idiot if she didn’t think her actions would have consequences. She called me a jerk and hung up.

I am unsure if I was a jerk and I feel guilty since I am now closer to my parents since I promised he could walk me down at my wedding."

Another User Comments:

"A provisional NTJ. My reservation is this: I think you should also refuse to go. This man stepped up to provide for y'all, and went far beyond what a basically good stepfather would be expected to do. No one could fill the hole of your sister's idolization of your dad, not even your dad if he had lived. But she not only refused stepdad the role that is traditional for a father if he can do it, but she insulted him further by refusing him a position that would normally be accorded to a parent's spouse.

He's not mom's sidepiece, he is her long-time husband and he worked hard to be as much a father as the two of you would allow. Your sister is being evil, and you should have no part of it - don't attend." tocammac

Another User Comments:

"NTJ but your sister did mess up. Not having him walk her down the aisle isn't the biggest issue. But not having him sit next to his wife at the head family table was a complete slap in the face. The man raised her, helped her, and was there her entire childhood.

So she says he's not family to her and then complains about being abandoned. The question is who is abandoning her, not who her family is. Your sister thinks she's immune to her actions and you are completely right in what you said, and your parents were completely correct about not going if she's going to insult the stepfather that way." Antique_Ad_4413