People Are Worried Over These Sticky 'Am I A Jerk?' Social Dilemmas

"I'm 28 years old and my husband is 29. My FIL has three children (7, 12 and 14 year old) from his second marriage. He is currently divorced from his children's mother and the way they divided care is that every two weeks the children change parents.

FIL is a lazy and egocentric parent. He demands a lot from the children, without doing much himself. He basically acts like feeding and driving them to after-school activities is care. He doesn't have a real job, so not only they don't have a stable income, but also he is a terrible example to the children.

He was even worse when my husband was little.

Last month FIL had an emergency and had to leave for a few weeks. The children's mother also had plans, so he asked my husband and I and we agreed to take care of the kids for two weeks.

On the first day, I already realized that those kids are overwhelmed and have way too much on their plate, which causes them to be constantly behind on their duties and makes them more prone to try and wriggle out of some. Each had multiple chores assigned on top of walking the dog, school stuff, after-school activities and private lessons (they are already failing at school and need private tutors).

I sat them down, explained that I get, that they have a certain way of doing things around the house, but for the next two weeks it's my house, my rules. Which are:

1. Their main responsibilities are school related. Just like me and husband go to work every day, they go to school and work hard there.

I expect them to be in charge of their homework, try and complete it on their own, but be able to recognize when something is too difficult and tell us, so that we can resolve it together. I also expect them to be aware of and responsibly manage their time.

2. In terms of house chores, since we are the adults, we will take care of most.

3. We will walk the dog together, unless someone is busy with something.

4. Once they are done with everything, they can do whatever they want.

Honestly, the two weeks went super smoothly.

It stopped being great when the two weeks ended and the kids went to their mum, and then back to dad's. FIL called my husband and accused us of pitting them against him, because apparently now they question his every command, that his authority got undermined and that we had no right to do this and that he's going to have a hard time with them now.

I get where he's coming from, but also 1) his rules were terrible and I would feel terrible imposing them 2) I feel like when you're leaving your children or pets with someone, you have to realize, that some things will end up being done differently. FIL doesn't have many other people who would be willing to take care of his children for so long, and he's bound to need us at least a few more times before they're grown, so the sooner he realizes that, the better.

However, a few family members have already declared their support for him, so maybe I'm being too confident? AITJ?"

Another User Comments:

"NTJ the reading comprehension on this website is severely lacking. People are taking one or two sentences completely out of context and then stretching them into the most extreme, outlandish conclusions.

There are easier ways of playing the contrarian. In any case, I think the FIL is having a power trip because he feels like he's losing power. It's almost like he enjoys being a bully in his own home. He'll calm down eventually." First-Expression2823

Another User Comments:

"NTJ. And to anyone who “supports” him in this, you get to say, “That’s fantastic! I’m so glad to hear next time this happens you’re volunteering to take all three kids in for two weeks and do exactly what FIL wants! I’ll let him know.

Oh…you’re not? Well then I don’t really think you get an opinion since you’re not willing to actually DO anything besides sit here and judge us for how we chose to do things.” And you tell FIL the same thing. Fine, next time ask someone else or pay a caregiver to do things per your instructions. Otherwise just be grateful your children were cared for in your absence." Katerh

Another User Comments:

"NTJ! Those poor kids, you finally gave them a good sense of structure. Your rules were good, not too much on them, but still allowed them age-appropriate levels of responsibility.

It really sounds like FIL just wants free maids to do everything for him, and I hope your husband had a dynamic similar to what you’ve given them with another family member. You guys did amazing. It doesn’t sound like you expected anything in return, so beggars shouldn’t be choosers. Next time maybe he’ll think about taking an extended trip on HIS custody time. Don’t sweat it, but do try to be there for your little sibling-in-laws! It sounds like you and your husband will become the best support network they can get!" CapOk7564