People Are Up In Arms About Their “Am I The Jerk?” Stories

"My dad passed unexpectedly and my mom could not afford their house on her own, so I moved in and started paying the mortgage, which was about equal to my previous rent so it was a win/win.

Love my late papa but every single inch of that house was under construction.

The bathrooms had no walls, one of the windows was pulled out and boarded up, zero rooms had proper floors, the roof was leaking, one toilet was missing, the list goes on and on. He was very good at home projects but I'm sure he had ADHD because he was all over the place.

Mom didn't want the house anymore for grief and mental health reasons so we got it appraised in its current condition and it was worth less than what they owed on it.

We made an agreement that I'd stay and work on it and pay the mortgage and she moved out of state.

Her exact words were "treat it like an investment".

For several years, in my own grief, I threw myself into it. I fixed or hired someone to fix everything. Little stuff I can do myself like pipes and drywall but I had the roof and every single window/door replaced professionally, floors installed. I kept all my big ticket receipts.

The market boomed and we sold it for a profit. Mom left all the details to me and she signed electronically from a distance.

Making up some numbers for ease of the story, but let's say I dropped $20k in and we walked away with $30k after the mortgage was paid.

I took my $20k back and gave the remaining $10k to mom.

She flipped out, saying I was robbing her. I rationally explained I just took back what I put in. I didn't even take back the "rent" I paid towards the mortgage all those years, only the big ticket investment costs.

That doesn't include micro-purchases like paint, drywall, pipes, toilet, that would really be another few grand. Not to mention my time and effort; and if I didn't do all this, she'd have sold for a loss. She doesn't want to hear any of this and says what about all the money she and Papa put into it over the years, where is that money back? And that I've had a place to live for years.

I'm really defeated because she's treating me like a criminal and I feel like I did everything extremely fairly. My extended family has been lecturing me. Legally yes I took her money because the house was in her name and we never agreed to anything on paper, but in a million years I never expected her to turn on me like this and a verbal handshake has been good as gold all my life with my parents.

Am I the jerk?"

Another User Comments:

"NTJ: you put in sweat equity and probably undercharged her for it on top of that. Next time, get everything in writing, even with family—especially with family. She’s upset because she isn’t walking away with a bunch of money, but you put the work in and added value to the house that made it break even with the mortgage.

Definitely NTJ. I would give Mom space and not discuss this issue with anyone anymore, if family brings it up then leave the room, refuse to be emotionally blackmailed." Reddit User

Another User Comments:

"NTJ. You made significant financial and personal investments to improve the house, as you agreed with your mom.

You even only took back the exact amount you put into it, leaving her with a profit. Your actions were fair and reasonable, especially considering the house was in her name." trans_vampire

Another User Comments:

"NTJ. So basically you took your parents' house from being worth less than the mortgage, to actually covering the balance of the mortgage and all fees, etc associated with the sale, even coming out with some additional money and she calls you a thief.

Maybe you should remind her of the position she would be in if you hadn't done the work and helped her. She would have had to sell the house at a loss and take out a loan to cover the remaining part of the mortgage. Ask her which she would prefer?" Mishy162