People Value Our Opinion On Their “Am I The Jerk?” Stories

"I (42F) found out last week that my niece (30F), (we will call her Amber), had her four children removed by CPS. My sister, her mom (50F), (we will call her Erica) told me during a normal phone call that they were removed. A few days later I messaged Amber and offered to help her in any way I could.

Even if that meant taking her kids temporarily so they could all be together with family, until she got her stuff together to get them back. The kids are currently separated and not with family. This offer made Erica upset.

So some back story, when I was 12/13 Erica lost custody of her 2 kids (Amber and her sister) Erica was 20/21, claims that she had no help and the state just took them from her. I clearly remember our mom and our other sister trying to get the kids, but Erica refused to let anyone take them from the family.

I even get blamed because I didn't help. Several years later (I was like 22) the same thing happened to two more of my nieces, Erica had two more girls and then lost them to the state, saying she had no help. Before anyone in the family found out and could help, Erica already signed over her rights.

Now also understand that Erica has NO/ZERO intentions of taking her grandkids, she is okay with letting them go into the system and never coming out.

She is aware that Amber could possibly lose custody of the kids forever and she will never see them again. Yet Erica is not okay with family taking them. I was told by her I overstepped and she was not okay with me taking her grandkids. I am 100 percent wrong, I should have talked to her first, and it doesn't matter what her daughter wants, I should have never offered to help. I told her that I just didn't want to see any more family in foster care, and she hung up on me. I haven't talked to her since.

So now I come to ask if AITJ? Am I? Should I have just done nothing and let the kids go into foster care? AITJ my sister thinks I currently am?"

Another User Comments:

"NTJ. A truly, tragically difficult situation. The only person whose opinion matters in the slightest would be your niece Amber. And depending on why they were removed by CPS, even that might not matter. On second thought, the only opinions that matter are those of the children.

But, you need to be prepared for Amber to never be in a position to regain custody. Your sister, however, can be as upset as she wants. What kind of person lets her grandkids go into the system and get separated if there is any other alternative?" cachalker

Another User Comments:

"NTJ. Given her track record, Erica is the last person I would ask for permission. Four of her kids went into foster care and she never contacted family before signing over her rights? That's messed up. Erica is not a resource.

She is a cautionary tale. You did the right thing. Hopefully Amber will be able to provide a home for her children at a later date. In the meantime, you are there for them and that is a blessing." Hushes

Another User Comments:

"NTJ. It’s nice of you to step up. There is a reason both Erica and Amber lost custody of their kids. Obviously, their parenting skills were questionable and proven neglectful, so it might not be best for the kids to see their mom if you get custody.

Really depends on why the kids were taken from mom’s custody and if mom should be allowed contact through you." jjj68548