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"I (male 33) and my ex (female 31) started a relationship 13 years ago. We married after 5 years, for 8 years. We left together from Brazil for Portugal when I got a job there, but at first, she couldn’t really settle in. She has a long history of depression due to many hardships in her childhood that left her deeply scarred. Although she was successful in her job and in college in Brazil, after we moved to Portugal, she only managed to get occasional jobs and could never really work in the field she studied. This meant I provided for the household while she took care of the house. I know this was very frustrating for her, and she often complained about being isolated. Nevertheless, we had a somewhat happy marriage. I tried my best to fulfill her needs and to listen to her, and I know that I would not be who I am today if it weren’t for her. After a series of comings and goings, I got a job in the Netherlands during a severe health crisis, but it further increased our isolation and codependency. I got severely depressed while also trying to deal with her depression. While trying to shake things up, we opened our relationship and tried living apart. She moved back to Portugal after getting a new job there. What happened was that she finally developed a circle of friends while I was left alone. We tried moving back together in Portugal, but it didn’t work. The last straw was when I was having panic attacks while she spent the entire weekend away (without telling me that she only returns on Sundays) and wouldn’t take my calls. Eventually, I decided to ask for a divorce in 2023. It was hard on both of us, but I felt that our relationship was dwindling to nothingness. After a while, she was struggling financially, and I let her stay at my place for several months last year (big mistake). I also had some medical problems, so having her by my side would benefit me. It was okay for a while; we even got close again, but I was adamant that it was temporary, as I had plans to come back to Brazil to spend time with my mother and family. And so I did, in January 2025. She's still in the flat we used to rent. She got a roommate to split costs. Finally, coming to the question: When I was leaving, I told her to move the bills to her name two or three times, which she did not do. I also mentioned that I was removing autopay. Yesterday, her electricity was cut off because of a lack of payment. The bill is still in my name, and I received emails about it (which I did not see due to Gmail’s automatic labeling). She called me a jerk and said that I lacked compassion for calling her out about her having to deal with it. AITJ for calling her out and saying that she has to deal with this, and that I don’t have anything else to do with it?" Another User Comments: "NTJ - You told her directly to move the bills to her name AND that you'd stop auto-paying, so it's not like she had no warning. Also, even if you hadn't told her, the place is her and her roommate's responsibility now, so there should be no expectation that you're still paying for any bills. If you can change the bill's email to her email, so you won't have to deal with this anymore, I'd do that." Els-09 Another User Comments: "NTJ - Unless court ordered or something, you aren't responsible for funding your ex's utilities for the rest of your life. You told her to take care of it, and she didn't." Vyckerz
