People Wonder How We Feel About Their "Am I The Jerk?" Story

"I (37M) have a younger sister Jenny (31F) who has two kids (7F & 10F) with her partner Jaxon. Jaxon and Jenny planned and had their kids fairly young when neither of them had jobs or any savings. Everyone told Jenny she needed to rethink even being with Jaxon because it was generally known he was getting involved with substances. Dealing was the only “job” he could have since he never graduated high school, and Jenny always defended it with this exact reasoning. Well, she moved into his apartment, they had kids, she became a SAHM, and everything seemed fine for a while. But 4 years ago, Jaxon was caught on counts for possession of unregistered firearms and heavy substance dealing. I sympathize with my sister because I can’t image how difficult it must be to raise two kids by yourself and have to explain why their dad is in jail, but at the end of the day, this was a risk she knew she was taking by being with him. Now, the savings he left aside for her and the kids have run out, and she has come to me. For context, she continued to be a SAHM for the past 4 years even after her partner got locked up and has been putting off getting a job since. Now that she has no savings, she STILL wants to be a SAHM and have me foot the bill for her lifestyle and let her and my nieces move into my house. I’m unmarried and child free so I could afford to let them move in and pay for everything for a little while, but my sister even to this day refuses to get a job which is what irks me. She essentially wants to play SAHM role in my house while I take care of her and her kids financially. Obviously, I said there was no chance I would ever allow this, and she needs to face the consequences and finally get a job after all these years. She’s saying how she can’t get anything more than a minimum wage job because she has never worked before and doesn’t have a degree and also that she must continue to be a SAHM so that “the girls have normalcy during this hard time without their dad.” I call nonsense and told her she can’t be a SAHM with no other source of household income and that she actually can work because my nieces are at school 8am-4:30pm so she could have a full-time job without disturbing their current schedule. I feel guilty because I love my nieces and I know they’re all now living beneath the poverty line because of their parents' decisions, and it’s not something they deserve. But at the same time, I know if I gave my sister money or let her move in she would never leave and make my house a wreck and would keep coming back asking for more. Also, as much as I care for my nieces, I am not mentally or physically ready to have kids in my home, there is a reason I chose to remain child-free all these years. Jenny is also fully capable of getting a job, and it’s her own fault she didn’t get one 4 years ago when Jaxon got arrested. I know I’m not obligated to help and it’s her own fault, but I can’t help feeling guilty because they all are my blood family and I know they have nowhere else to turn to. AITJ?" Another User Comments: “NTJ. You do not have to give her a dime or take her in to help. Tell her to apply for housing assistance. Offer to give her a ride to the office where she can apply for emergency housing assistance. It is a thing. I have a relative who applied and received it. Remind her that there are programs for those who earn minimum wage and have dependents. If you’re in the U.S., there’s the SNAP benefits program and the housing choice voucher program, among others. There are others through various charities. There are even charities that will furnish your apartment with well-maintained donated furniture. There are low to no-cost extracurricular activities for children from low-income households. Even sleep away summer camps that charge less than $50 for a child to go for a week or two. Tell her she is an adult and will have to take responsibility for her life as well as the lives of the children SHE chose to have. This is the extent to which you are willing to help. Pushing her in the right direction and nothing more. No rides anywhere else, no money, no babysitting, nothing. She is a mother and that role adapts to whatever becomes necessary for the children. In this case it means she’s going to have to become a working mother. Good luck. Do not feel guilty. Your sister needs to learn how to adult, not only for her kids but herself as well.” Foreverforgettable Another User Comments: “NTJ. Your sister made her bed; she should lie in it. She needs to get a job. You could offer to help pay for child care or something, but if she is expecting to just let you pay for everything while she does nothing (a 7-year-old and 10-year-old are not tiny kids; they are in school), she is the major jerk. She IS lazy and is just mooching off of you. She can get a job. And the whole excuse for her partner not being able to get a job except substance and weapon dealing because he didn't graduate is total nonsense. There are jobs people can get. It may not be executive level, but it's income. I feel sorry for these kids. These people had no business having them.” Defiant_Rule3099 Another User Comments: “NTJ, it’s an incredibly privileged position for a family to be able to get by on one income while another stays home to do something optional. It also can be dangerously optimistic to put all one’s eggs in one basket as she did — it’s not unheard of for breadwinners to lose their jobs, become seriously ill, walk off, go to prison, or pass away. The children are school-aged now. Time for employment. She won’t step up to take care of her own children if she’s enabled. The guy isn’t exactly a winner. That’s who she chose for herself. That’s who she thought the children deserved as a father. These are largely self-inflicted problems.” paul_rudds_drag_race