I’ve been an adventurous eater ever since I was able to chew. And a hungry one at that. The running joke when I was a kid was that I had two hollow legs and that I’d eat whatever was put into my dog bowl. You could even place a bet that nine times out of 10, I’d ask for seconds. Most days, thirds.
Yes, not only do I love food, but I’m wildly creative at throwing food together when I’m starting to get hungry. I have mastered the uncanny ability to open a fridge or pantry, scan their contents, and make something edible, and usually delightful. I’m no chef, people. This is about merely making something awesome with what little you can scavenge. We’re scraping the bottom here, and honoring those who managed to pull off something fit for human consumption with an improvisational and creative touch.
Here are 11 dishes that are absolutely edible, probably taste alright-ish but wouldn’t actually be eaten unless there was a zombie apocalypse.
11. This Girl’s Boyfriend Made Her A Taco With So Much Love </span
I’d eat this and then dump the boyfriend. Where the vegetables at?! And, at least use one more condiment, buddy. Show her you care! Something from a can might save the relationship. Rating: D
10. The On-The-Fly-Just-Wingin’-It-While-Coasting-Through-Life-Living-On-A-Prayer Pizza
This concoction looks mildly delicious. It has almost all the right elements – the dough is the right thickness, there’s a whack of sauce, and the pepperoni seems to be equally distributed. But the Kraft Singles real estate could have been developed better. The slimy, processed goop pressed into flimsy squares should have been cut on the diagonal and placed in a way that would cover more surface area. COME ON! Rating: B-
9. So Many Holes, So Many Ways To Go Wrong. How Did This Freak Of Nature Become Reality?!
This is like watching a train wreck. How did this terrible, breakfast bean bloodbath start? And finish? And what happened in the middle? Look! Beans hate crocs too. They’re trying to escape.
8. All The Flavours Are At This Party In Your Mouth
This is a thing of beauty and joy, my friends. It’s a delightfully balanced dish consisting of a sweet banana slathered with creamy peanut butter and jam. For a little heat, we’ve got the candied, spicy ginger that starts out smooth but ends with a little fire on your tongue. Yowza! The dish also comes with the umami-like presence of Fritos – the crispy, supremely salty and wavy-in-texture chip that I can’t cram enough of into my mouth. This mediocre attempt at a fine-dining meal takes me back to my childhood camping days. Good no-work, on this one! Rating: A
7. An Unsolved Murder Mystery
As a deeply devoted nacho connoisseur, this is traumatic to bear witness to. Tortilla chips and salsa and cheese (UNMELTED…oh, the horror)? It looks like a crime scene. AT LEAST MELT THE CHEESE. No microwave? Oven. No Oven? A camping burner. No burner? A hand torch. No hand torch? A blow dryer. No blow dryer? This isn’t a nacho party then. Move on and make something else. Rating: D
6. So Bad It’s Good
This is so heinous, it’s great. The user originally captioned it, “Bad Charcuterie Board” and it’s the dark humor that makes this dejected dish suddenly acceptable. It’s got a nice balance of flavors and textures, but this chef is seriously pushing it. It’s original, alright. Rating: A for effort, F for everything else.
5. This One Does My Head In
I’m having trouble processing this. It appears to be a flour tortilla with Chick-Fil-A sauce — a goopy flavor explosion of honey mustard, BBQ, and ranch — topped off with the pièce de résistance, a frozen strawberry fruit bar on a stick. Is this sustenance? Rating: F
4. What Happens When The Snack Gods Conspire To Create A Two-Bite Savoury Snack
As someone who eats fried onions by the handful, and munches on garlic-dill pickles for breakfast, this is a match. Ding, ding, ding, ding, ding! Ok, maybe not first thing in the morning, or before a first date, but there is potential here. Right time, right place. Sign me up. I think Cheech and Chong would agree with me on this one. Rating: A
3. But Will It Cereal?
This looks like amateur hour to me. If you’re off your rocker enough to boil cereal – let alone Fruit Loops – use milk, any milk! Dairy. Soy. Goat. Whatever. I’m even down for wine. Or yogurt. Or OJ. Why in tarnation water?! Rating: F
2. Spiderman’s Noodle Of Choice
Instant noodles are next in line after water as a life source. Any college kid or ravenous person will agree. This ramen with “spidered” spicy hot dogs and cilantro is a lightening-quick micro feast. However, some kind of sauce is missing here (a blob of peanut butter came to mind, yum!), but in a pinch, bon appetite! Rating: A
1. Not An Epic Fail, But Not Far Off
Love ketchup as an enhancement, not the star. At least this person has one degree of class above the typical ketchup-sandwich-eating lost soul – he/she used paprika. Actually, two degrees, it’s smoked paprika… Rating: Pass
So, I don’t know how to quite feel about some of these dishes. I stand by the fact that some of these may or may not need to go into the garbage. I rated them already; now you be the judge.