“My mom is a single mom and we struggle. I’m (17M) the oldest and I have four younger siblings (14F, 12F, 9M, and 8F). We have two different dads. I and my 14 and 12-year-old sisters share a dad and he walked out on us while mom was pregnant with my 12-year-old sister.
A year later she found another guy and he was bad news but my mom was so desperate for a guy and overlooked a lot of red flags. She had two kids with him and then he stole from my mom and left without ever looking back and left us in a really tight position. After that, my mom would lean on me a lot and she asked me to step up and be there for my siblings and help more around the house and I did it because I wanted to help my mom. I hoped it would mean she wouldn’t rush into another relationship with another dude who was bad news.
It was tough though. Like having to help with homework, feeding my siblings, and being responsible for most of the cleaning was a lot. My mom still did stuff it was just she had to work and couldn’t be there all the time. But after a year or so of that she started to take her frustrations out on me verbally. She’d complain about calls from my school (I struggle in school even still). Or if I forgot to do something. She’d tell me I couldn’t let her down and that I needed to act more like an adult and do better.
When I was 14 she asked me if I could start making money and I did. I helped around the neighborhood for some extra money and I got a part-time job a year later and gave Mom the money from that. But it was like she’d take it all out on me more. If I got home late from work or school she’d tell me to cut it out and I needed to be more responsible. If a bill wasn’t paid on time she’d tell me to be less useless or be more useful. If I couldn’t do something she’d ask me what good was I doing. She’d tell me I wasn’t a kid anymore and needed to stop expecting the life of one out of nowhere sometimes.
Eventually, I got so tired of it and it became so constant that I started saving money so I could get away as soon as possible. Mom doesn’t know about it and I still give her the rest of what I make, because it’s really the only way to save without her knowing.
My mom expects me to stay here and help for the next several years until my siblings are all older. I’ll be out of the house as soon as I turn 18 and I won’t consider staying for anyone, not even my siblings. Mom has been extra nasty lately to me and she was saying I should start looking for a full-time job now so I can be a full second income. I was like ‘bold of you to assume I’ll be getting a full-time job to help out more’ and mom was then even angrier and she told me I needed to get over myself and accept it. She told me I was such a jerk for implying I could abandon my siblings like that. She was so loud my siblings heard and they were upset at me too.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your mother’s choices are not your problem. She continued to have children and shouldn’t be expecting you to raise them and help support them. They have fathers, that is what child support is. The men who left her are the ones her anger needs to be projected to, not you. Gradually hold back more of your money. You’re right by giving some and saving some she won’t necessarily suspect you’re making your escape plan. Good luck! I am sorry you’re being put through this, it isn’t your fault and you are far from useless.” many_hobbies_gal
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. OP, if it hasn’t been suggested already, I would see if you can find your birth certificate and SS card and hide those away along with your savings. You may also want to do a credit check to be sure your mom hasn’t opened credit cards in your name. You have been parentified by your mom, and that’s wrong. Move out as soon as you can. I’d suggest blocking your mom so she can’t harass you with calls, texts, etc. Don’t tell her where you move to. But do try to keep lines of communication open for your younger siblings because the burden will most certainly shift onto them.” Tranqup
