“I’m a freshman in college living in a dorm and got a randomly assigned roommate. We live very different lifestyles, I like to stay up late and sleep in late and she likes to go to bed early and wake up early.
At the beginning of the year, she told me she likes to go to bed early and is a light sleeper, and I told her I like to stay up late and we came to the agreement that she could turn out the light at any point and I would be quiet after that. She goes to bed 9-11ish, and I often get ready for bed and lay in bed at these times out of respect. However, there are generally 2-3 nights a week, one of which is a weekday, that I stay up and out past this time. I keep the light off and do nothing more than crawl into bed when I return home, 12-3ish.
About three weeks ago my roommate told me she doesn’t like me staying out late because it affects her sleep and that she wants me back by 12. My friends have made fun of me since, because out of respect for her, I have, except for a few times, left parties, study sessions, and hangouts early to get home on time.
On Monday night I was out playing board games with friends and lost track of time. I noticed it was 12:30 and out of respect for her I decided to pull an all-nighter with my friends in the common room. I returned that morning at 8:15 to get ready and shower because I had a meeting at 9.
However, I got an angry text later that day calling me out for returning at 8:15, despite me doing my best to remain quiet and even not returning home at an unreasonable hour, as I would’ve been up at that time anyway. I responded and apologized for waking her up, but explained that I stayed out all night for her and I did nothing wrong. I also explained that while I was willing to compromise and be back most nights at midnight, as long as I was courteous there would be nights I would come back later. I got a message last night that she had scheduled a meeting with our RA to mediate, and I honestly want to know if I’m in the wrong, if she’s in the wrong, or if it’s just a bad situation. Any advice would be welcome too, thanks!”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If it’s that big of an issue for her, your roommate needs to request a room change and become someone else’s problem. But you shouldn’t be living under her tyranny any longer. As long as you’re being respectful when you come inside and aren’t being disruptive, you can come back at whatever time you want. And you shouldn’t feel guilty about it at all. She’s being purposely unreasonable.” LadyLordFarquadd
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, you better enjoy your college years. And don’t let anyone shame you for doing so. Before you know it your body will give you a bedtime. You have been more than accommodating and need to set some boundaries of your own. She does not pay your tuition and she is not your parent or guardian. She can’t give you a curfew. As long as you don’t come in loud and disruptive she better learn to get some earplugs and an eye mask. Kindly tell her and your RA that unless there is a new school-enforced curfew you will continue to be respectful and quiet but you will enter and exit the room your parents/loans/you pay half for when you see fit. She is more than welcome to find other accommodations if necessary.” Candi_Kane33
