“My (22F) husband (27M) woke up today (Saturday) around 7:50 and told me he’s planning on making breakfast for us. He asked me what I wanted and we talked about it. I was excited to be treated to a nice breakfast on our day off. I was on my phone browsing while he was laying down with his eyes closed. Not fully asleep but not awake either.
8:30 rolls around and I notice he fell into a deep sleep. I gave him a nudge and said, ‘what about that breakfast you mentioned?’ This was in a playful/cute manner, not aggro. He said 5 more mins and I said OK sure while thinking that I’ll give him an extra half hour so he really feels well-rested. 9:00 comes and I shake him gently to wake up. No response. Keep in mind he has alarms which he ignored this whole time. Nothing around 9:30… 10:00. Then he wakes up for a second and says just a few more minutes. Now I’m getting really frustrated and annoyed but I say OK just a bit more but I won’t come to wake you up anymore (he has to rely on his own alarms). He says ok and goes back to bed. 11:30 comes and I’m hungry and impatient.
I knew if I made breakfast myself, he’ll get annoyed I didn’t wait for him and tell me why I don’t let him do nice things for me. Eventually, I woke him and told him that it was almost 11:40 and I’m gonna make breakfast for myself. He said what about me? I told him since he clearly needs his sleep, he can make himself breakfast when he wakes up. He got annoyed and I left and ate breakfast by myself. Now he’s up around 12 and asking why I didn’t wait for him or wake him to make breakfast and I’m like ??? I reminded him I literally woke him up 10 times and he said just a bit more every time. Now he’s sulking and moping around that I ate breakfast by myself without including him. I’ll admit me not making him any breakfast was a bit petty but I was frustrated to have to wait over 3 hours for breakfast. So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – (Assuming this behavior is the norm) Please for your own peace and to break the emotional abuse you don’t even know you are living in, start changing things now…
For example: Hubby wants to make breakfast – great. If he’s not literally up and doing it within the first 1/2 hour, except he’s not going to. Get up, start your day, and make your own. Calmly explain to him when he arrives hours later that you would have loved breakfast from him but it seemed like he needed his sleep. (Being petty and telling him his sleep was more important to him is really not a good conversation starter.)
If he does this type of behavior in other scenarios, use the same tactic. You are disengaging. It works wonders.
At some point, an emotionally intelligent, caring, and willing partner will want to communicate with you. Keep those avenues open.” cecilpenny
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Imagine how excited he would have been to wake up to his wife making breakfast. Sure he said he would but he was also obviously exhausted. Seems like a small thing to do in a marriage…” T_Nic_Marie
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here, there comes a point in situations like this where you just accept they needed more sleep than they thought, will probably follow through on another day and just get up and make yourself breakfast. It’s disappointing sure, but at least you’re not perpetuating this cycle of hurt feelings” shantayyouthrowaway
