“My mother has 6 siblings and unfortunately one of them (I’ll call him Eddy) passed away in 2020. Eddy also shares a birthday with me (March 31st). He passed away on December 30th 2020.
Now for the story, ever since I was a child I remember having to share my birthday with Eddy. Eddy’s family never had as much money as mine so my mother would always include him in my birthday parties. Honestly, I used to get a little upset about it but I never said anything. After he passed away everything changed. My birthday became simply a memory of him.
I am Brazilian and if you know anything about the Latin culture you know how important 15th birthdays are, in 2021 I had a party with about 300 people. The problem is that my party was ruined by my family crying and saying how he would’ve enjoyed it so much. My mother even made a speech (I wasn’t aware) talking about him. Again, I didn’t say anything even though it had been almost a year since he passed.
Honestly, I got used to this whole situation and I started dreading my birthday. In 2022 my entire family missed out on my birthday dinner to go to the cemetery. Obviously, I got very upset but I remained quiet.
Now here is the issue, in about a week I turn 18 years old which is a major milestone and something I have been super excited about. But today, all of that excitement turned into sadness. I was discussing with my mother how I wanted to celebrate my birthday. I decided I wanted to go out with my friends for a nice dinner, when I told her that she started crying and asked me if I even have empathy for our family, I asked her what she meant and she said that March 31st was a day to remember Eddy, not go out celebrating. That was when I lost it. I yelled at her that Eddy was dead and nothing was going to change that and maybe for once she could prioritize her child and for one minute forget about Eddy and celebrate that her only daughter is entering adulthood. She is giving me the silent treatment now. I don’t think I am in the wrong here, so AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You’re a kid who’s had to share a bday forever. And it’s now being turned into a day of mourning instead of celebration. While what you said was a little harsh, it needed to be said. I could never imagine losing one of my siblings, however, I wouldn’t want my kid’s bday to be overshadowed by their loss. Your mom and family should be able to find a balance of this rather than let their grief take over. Go out and enjoy your bday with your friends and hopefully your family will fix things. Happy early birthday! 18 is pretty exciting. Make sure you buy a lottery ticket on your birthday for good luck.” Jaded_Impression_318
Another User Comments:
“NTJ at all. Firstly, and I don’t mean to sound heartless given that he is dead but your uncle sounds like he was quite a selfish man when he was alive. Whilst it may be cute to share a birthday with a family member, he was the adult in this situation. Most adults, especially in employment, don’t generally celebrate birthdays on their actual birthday dates anyway. Your uncle was a grown man who should have shut down the joint birthday party ideas straight from the beginning, allowed you to be celebrated in a child-friendly party, and celebrated his own birthday at a different time with his immediate family and friends.
You were let down by both your mother and your uncle, and your mother is still doing this even though there is now only one of you alive to celebrate your birthdate. The good thing about becoming an adult now is that you are free to celebrate your birthday in any way you wish, with whoever you wish.
Going forward, if I were you I’d stick to celebrating solely with friends (and any future relationship partners if and when they happen). Your mother will soon realize that her own behavior has stopped anyone’s birthdays from being celebrated on that date. If she eventually realizes her wrongdoings and wants to celebrate you going forward, then I’d allow her to do so only with the caveat that Uncle Eddy is not mentioned or memorialized, and if she wishes to celebrate him then she can take an hour out of her day in the morning and visit his grave on her own, and then compose herself for your celebrations from midday onwards.” majesticjewnicorn
