“I would like to note here that I’m an avid book collector. Even though many of my books are second hand, stained, and kind of funny-looking, they are my children.
Many moons ago, my friend Brenden lost his job, his girlfriend Cammy, and his apartment in a span of about a month. Brenden called everyone he could think of pleading with them to take him in. Originally I told him no; however, when everyone up to and including his family turned him down, I relented and told him he could sleep on my couch until he found a job and place to live.
Unlike many people on Reddit, Brenden was actually a decent apartment guest. He washed the dishes he used, kept his belongings in an orderly corner of my living room, and quickly found a job at a fast-food place, so he could help out with the groceries and some of the bills. Neither of us truly enjoyed living with one another, but we made it work until Cammy decided that she loved Brenden and wanted him back and Brenden, being a fool, accepted.
When Brenden and Cammy had first started going out, Cammy decided she hated all of Brenden’s female friends and tried to keep us away. When her dramatic tactics did not work on me, Cammy decided we needed to have a brawl. To keep this short-ish, Cammy’s nose got broken, my knuckles were sore for a few days, and the words self-defense were used and accepted.
Due to our history, I told Brenden he could keep living with me, but Cammy was not allowed into my apartment. Sadly, Brenden did not listen to me, and the first time Cammy came over, she decided that my bookshelves needed a bit of reordering; the stack I had set aside to mend were rubbish and tossed them out, and wouldn’t you know it, I owned her favorite series, so she needed it.
I’m not sure if any of you have a crazy book person in your life, but as soon as I got home that night, I noticed what had happened to my books. I calmly berated Brenden and told him he would be dumpster diving to retrieve the books that had been tossed and if Cammy did not return the series, I would be filing a police report, and of course, he needed to leave. With his head hung low, Brenden complied with my demands, gathered his things, and left.
I was fuming, so I called a mutual book lover and friend and told her about what had happened. She was furious as well and told me that she would have words with both Brenden and Cammy when they came over for a housewarming party she was having the next evening. (I couldn’t attend due to work.) I giggled, laughed, and then asked if instead I could make a housewarming treat for her, though it would be better if she didn’t eat any. Confused but knowing me, my friend agreed.
I rushed to the liquor store, bought some vodka, then stopped by a candy shop and bought a rather large number of sugar-free gummy bears, and when they were both combined, took them over to my friend’s house to stew for the next day. I warned my friend, and cackling, she said she’d make sure Cammy ate lots, though, she didn’t think it would be a struggle because Cammy loved vodka, and she loved gummy bears.
I heard through the grapevine a few weeks later that Brenden had dumped Cammy that night because when they were testing out the bed springs on Cammy’s new bed, she just couldn’t hold her bowel movements.”
