ChristinaM79
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No one is trying to push the wife out. The teenager is not being selfish. The apartment is hers (no matter who pays the rent) and she should not have to cancel established plans to accommodate out of town relatives. You wouldn't give up your entire home for one of your relatives, would you? And options were offered to the grandparents that they didn't want to take, which I suspect stems from wanting free room and board (aka, not wanting to spend the money for a hotel) more than wanting "their own space". The teen was asked if the grandfather and his wife could stay in HER apartment, and she said no. That should have been the end of it, and grandpa and wifey should have agreed to stay with the parents or got a cheap hotel. But no, wifey overstepped boundaries and went behind her husband's and the teen's parents' backs and texted her trying to bully and manipulate her into doing what she wanted. That was totally out of line. The enabling of the grandfather and bullying of the wife justifies the parents saying the wife and even the grandfather can stay home if they're not willing to pay for a hotel or stay with the parents.
Absolutely NTJ. First, your SIL was inconsiderate. Then she was careless, and your husband the inconsiderate one. Then, when you confronted SIL and insisted she leave, he took her side "because we're twins and I've known her longer"? Are you effing serious?! And if he was willing to pay for a hotel room, why the eff did h not suggest the sister stay in one instead of suggesting his WFE move out of HER OWN HOME?! I am appalled at his blase attitude and was glad to read at the end of your story that you're consulting a lawyer. This is unquestionably the kind of carelessness you don't want in a partner or father.
NTJ.
My mother also raised me and my siblings under the "you eat what's fixed or you don't eat" umbrella -- I remember once sitting at the table for HOURS because I didn't want to eat a pot pie, because it had peas in it (no, it did not occur to me then to just not eat the peas).
If your sister told you a specific dinner to make, then the kids refused to eat it (and lied about being allergic), you were within your rights to deny them TV privileges until they ate. Her coming out and giving them hotdogs to eat after you'd already made something different -- the very thing she told you to make -- that's inconsistent parenting and more dangerous to their upbringing than you telling them they can't watch TV until they eat. All that teaches them is that they only have to whine and cry if they don't like something to get what they really want.
Amen to you for standing up and refusing to cook for them. They're her kids, it's her job to take care of them anyway.
NTJ.
You're not the jerk for feeling it unreasonable to give your keys to someone you don't know. However, your wife has a point in that someone should be given access to your house in case something happens while you're gone for weeks at a time. My mom had the second key to my apartment when she was still alive, and I have a key to my dad's house. If there are family or any friends who live near you, ask one of them to check out the house for you on a regular basis and give them the keys so that they can check out the inside as well (cuz things do happen). This way, you are satisfied by not giving the keys to a stranger, and your wife is satisfied that the house is being looked after.
Also, y'all need to sit down when you're calmer and have a chat about communication. She shouldn't be snapping at you, but you walking away doesn't help.
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