CletusSnow
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She has no right to dictate how you grieve or celebrate your sibling. This isn't about her, your family's choice of memorial to him has nothing to do with her or against her. If anyone needs therapy...it's her.
If I had a roommate who helped themselves to foods and drinks that I had bought specifically for myself, I'd be p****d off. I've never had a roommate who would have done that because it's not something people do. We would each contribute to groceries that were shared-milk, eggs, bread, etc. But if I went out and spent extra money on high test coffee, or deli bagels, or a 12 pack of soda...it is assumed that it's solely mine, not up for grabs by others. They should have asked if they could have the tonic, not just assume that it was communal.
His parents offered to pay for his travel and food like that wouldn't already be a given. As opposed to what? Thinking that YOU are going to contribute to his living expenses? That's one red flag among many. IF he lived with you, he would logically be responsible for half of rent and utilities, plus all of his own other expenses including food.
Buy a $20 white noise machine and put it in the guest room. They can use it or go somewhere else, or get up early when they visit. The bathing suit issue..either your brother is listing after your partner (ew), or your brother's wife is paranoid of that. In either case, it's THEIR issue to work on. I don't think I'd want someone staying in my house that was this obvious about their jealousy/fear/lust of my wife. It's weird, offensive, and awkward.
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