You just agreed that he wasn't kind. We both agree that he was justified. I never supported what the step mom said. I simply said that IF OP felt the need to apologize, it should only be for the way he spoke to her, not for what he said.
Soft YTJ - is understandable because of your admitted biases. But just like you gave your dad a pass for using the term mama when referring to your mom, your mom has given you a reasonable explanation for teaching him "mama" as he consistently says "dada" (which is actually very normal). A 10 month old is not going to get confused about who his mother is and also can't yet pronounce the hard g to say grandma. Give her a pass.
NTJ but you also mention that H has the personality to go get things done. A is in a sense being punished for having a different personality. Only you know if you made H get his own car or if you just went with the opportunity that presented itself. A is right that you have a car just sitting there not being used. You are being presented with a different opportunity to help A become self reliant. It doesn't have to be the exact same as what happened for H.
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