Morning
Metaspoon User

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So, back in the 1970s my cousin got married. He had asked his brother to be his best man.....on the condition he shave and cut his long hair (remember, this was the 1970s). Neither would back down and the brother was not the best man. They are close today....but I betcha my cousin regrets that a having his brother clean cut at his wedding was more important that him standing as his best man. (I have often thought that it could go both ways. My hippy cousin could have shaved and cut his hair as it would have grown back, but he should not have had to. That would be an easy ask compared to dying hair and coving tatts with makeup!)
While it is customary for the bridal party to pay for the bachelorette....a bride should not chose something that her attendants cannot afford (what used to be commonly a drinks night has turned into a huge money spending extravaganza). In fact, a bride should not choose anything. It is up to her friends to plan the party. As for the shower, nope! Bridesmaids do not have to pay for catering and decorations. Showers used to be in some old aunt's living room with cake and punch. The only obligation was to bring a household gift.
I looked it up and etiquette dictates that used wedding gifts and gifts of cash do not need to be returned. (All gifts are returned if the wedding is cancelled) Plus, what are the chances it has not already been spent. Good luck getting it back. Let it go OP.
Meh. I eat food that has been out all the time. Am I at risk for food positioning. I suppose. But I have never gotten if from food in my home. The OP should thank the roomie for her concern and then do what she wants. Not to mention.....the human race survived for a mighty long time without refrigerators.
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