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Omfg the amount of ytj's!! NO, OP YOU ARE NTJ! my paternal grandma treated me the same way until my dad went NC with her because if it (my mom had me prior to her marriage with him, therefore in Nana's eyes we were a whore and the daughter of one. She changed her tune, but still). It freaking sucks. What if the daughters bio dad wants nothing to do with her? Regardless, it's very clear the daughter wants a relationship with these people! OP, keep doing what you're doing. For your daughters sake. It sucks to be rejected by someone like that. It makes you feel worthless.
Sounds like your typical, run of the miil, military "therapist". Y'all, military trained means bare minimum. Our therapists and other health care providers are either military trained (bare minimum) or the very bottom of the barrel graduates from their schools. Very rarely do we get a competent doctor. OP, demand a referral to a real civilian therapist!!!
My last two relationships were one sided (one more so than the other) and let me tell you, it sicks being the most interested party when the other couldn't care less. Discuss things, try to compromise, but at the end of the day if you are not a priority, end it. It'll hurt like a bitch, but it's better to be hurt and free (which leads to healing and opening yourself up to someone who does prioritize you) than spending time and energy on someone who isn't matching you
NTJ. She sounds like my grandma, but with mine, it's transactional. She's doing all of that to be manipulative to a certain degree. Does she love me? I think so (she had a thing where she ignored my existence when I was little bc I'm not her granddaughter by blood, but she seemed to get over it when I hit my teens). Is taking care of people her love language? Absolutely. And she does love my brother and our cousins. Not saying OPs grandma is anything like mine, but I totally understand the suffocating care.
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