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NTJ!! Your mom is clearly a selfish jerk like my mom. You and I have similar stories. I am sooo glad your friend stepped up and said he would take in you and your dogs. Do not ever feel bad for standing up for yourself. Anyone who tries to shame you is not your friend. I hope you never have to be forced to live with her ever again.
NTJ. You reacted perfectly fine. I get that your husband would be upset at having to downsize the huge party wedding he had planned. But he obviously isn't bothered by his father's behavior, presumably bc he was raised by the man. I completely understand how uncomfortable it would be to accept the money. Especially after learning the money wasn't given as an actual gift, but instead bc your father in law felt like he had to do it.
NTJ. You owe that man nothing. His death does not invalidate your feelings and the trauma you experienced.
NTJ. You weren't being mean to your nephew. You weren't calling him names. You were protecting your child and setting a clear boundary.
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