designatednomad69
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NTJ, as everyone has already listed the obvious, so I'll jump ahead right to my suggestion. I too have a hard time falling asleep, where most nights I'll get only an hour or two before work. I tried melatonin and all sorts of sleepy teas, in addition to other things. Nothing really worked. Until I got a tip from my dads girlfriend to try a cup of 100% tart cherry juice made from centrate about an hour or so before bed. THAT knocked me out and its a completely healthy alternative to sleeping pills with no addictive qualities or withdrawals. See if he'd be open to that since he's so adament on not going to the doctors.
YTJ. I'm not going to go into detail about how or why YTJ, because it looks like everyone summed it up perfectly already. Instead, I'm going to give you a tip on how to compromise on this. My dad was a lot like you, except he has ADHD very bad (me and my siblings joke with him about how his attention span is equivalent to that of a puppy when it sees a squirrel), and because of this he cannot handle sitting down for long periods of time. Growing up he came to all my dance recitals, and he would sit and watch every one of my performances, but when I wasn't on stage he would walk around the recital hall. Never hurt my feelings that he wasn't sitting through every single routine, all that mattered was he was there when I was physically on stage. I'm sure you can handle a few 3-5 min routines for your daughter and then just chill in your car or something when shes not dancing. Literally the easiest solution, so there you go, go make your daughters day.
I'm going with YTJ, but also under the pretense that you don't mean to be. My friend group in HS was the same as your sons, and I get the fear you have of him becoming a 'bad' kid. However you have to let him make his own choices and his own mistakes or he'll never learn between wrong and right and resent you for the helicopter parenting. My parents always told us "were conservative in our politics but liberal in our parenting" meaning they let us screw up and learn how to take consequences for our actions. And between me and my two younger siblings, there were definitely quite the few screw ups, but it taught us valuable lessons and helped shape us to have good judgement and decision making when we became adults. Also, they would say "we'd rather you guys make these mistakes as minors and learn than to make them as adults and face worse consequences." In turn, some of my friends parents were a lot like you and those friends learned how to be EXTRA sneaky and rebelled HARD, resenting their parents and taking pleasure in doing things they knew they'd get in trouble for if their parents ever found out. Do you know who those friends turned to? MY parents. Any time they needed to vent, needed a place to stay, needed advice, they came to my mom and dad because my parents didn't judge and would be there for them. Same with my siblings friends. Our friends weren't bad kids, normally their 'rebellions' were due to reacting to bad things that were happening to/around them, as is the case with most teenagers. BE that parent for your son and his friends, and you'll be pleasantly surprised to find that these kids are more than likely just lashing out from stress or home life situations and are genuinely good kids that need a level headed adult they can go to when they need to. Who knows, YOU could be the one that changes these kids lives and mindsets.
Late to the game but NTJ. I was in a similar situation as you, minus the college part. But I was in a long term relationship from 14 to 21, we were even engaged. I planned my whole life around my then partner and we didn't work out, and now I'm finally living for myself. Not saying you guys won't work out, not saying you will, but take this piece of advice: if its meant to be, it will be. Life has a funny way of keeping the people that are meant to be in it around. Don't sacrifice your dreams and happiness (i.e. college of your choice and dream job) for someone else, especially at such a young age. You've made a great compromise and if she can't handle that, then I'd suggest standing your ground or really reevaluate where you think this is going to go with her long term. Trust me on this, if you build your life around someone else (especially at 16), you're in for resentment, regret, and finding that you've lost who you are being so wrapped up in someone else.
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