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FWIW, when someone starts up with the "I'm a horrible person" crap after being given constructive criticism, it's just another guilt trip to get the critic to apologize and butter them up.
I would put a happy spin on it. “Oh, you won’t be there? That’s one less plate/bottle of wine/etc. we have to pay for.” Or if I was really feeling sarcastic, “that means less drama that I have to worry about. Thank you for such a considerate gift!”
All the downvotes don’t understand the calming effect of knitting to someone with mental health issues. I’m sure everyone would have said OP was a jerk if she had shut down something more innocuous like a fidget spinner. OP should have asked more about it and perhaps have offered a less distracting alternative, like knitting something smaller or using an alternative fidget, perhaps asking her to sit where it wouldn’t distract others or keeping the bulk of it tucked away in an unassuming bag. - Sincerely, someone who knits in church and has never caused a disturbance doing so
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