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NTJ, you shouldnt have to pander to a crazy neighbor just because it makes her feel better. If she trues again just point blank tell her "I do t give a s&!t about your husband lady." and walk away.
Your husband (and possibly yourself) needs counseling. Honestly the way you phrased things sounds very controlling and abusive. Hes punishing you for the loss of your child and it isnt right. Please try to find someone for him to talk to. The amount of anger and rage he expressed at a simple work shift is frightening and a massive red flag.
No the jerk. Its your future, your education, your life at stake here. Its your decision.
Not the jerk. I hate when people try to use their illness to excuse bad behavior. And i say that as someone with several chronic conditions. If you dont want to go out, fine. If youre tired, fine. If you just dont want to get dressed, fine. But cancelling on plans you made or agreed to has consequences. And cancelling last minute multiple times for multiple reasons over years and years shows a pattern of not being reliable. Yeah it sucks but a job needs to know if they can rely on you or not. Plus putting an ex-friend as a reference when you know they had a front row seat to all the times you flaked, seriously dumb move. You didnt lie, you were honest. You just didnt kiss her butt.
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