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If you continue with the relationship, he needs to see a dietitian, go together to show you are up for it too. Have them give y'all both workups for eating healthy, caloric intake and portion sizes. Your list is going to probably be similar to what you are already doing... His will show exactly where his real issues lay and he will have to focus on those himself yo improve. No, you don't need to lose weight, but it shows solidarity and your commitment to the relationship and that you are listening to his concerns about y'all's eating, if you do this with him. Even ask the dietician directly, with your SO there to hear, if it's okay to have a serving of junk food here and there and the allowed amounts. This is info that he actually needs to hear, 1) so he can learn what he needs to do, 2) so he will learn that what you did on snacking was perfectly acceptable while still maintaining a healthy diet. He may still occasionally poke at you in resentment of you being slim and him not, but hopefully the more progress he makes, the less frequent it will happen.
He didn't apologize and try ACTUAL compromising until AFTER he went to the office to report y'all...... pretty sure they told him that he was in the wrong and had to accommodate y'all as well or you wouldn't have gotten the apology and concessions from him.
Maybe see if your brother would be more comfortable doing this for you if you and fiance could compromise....he add a groomsWoman to his side by including a female relative or friend on his side ....that way y'all would each have a non traditional attendee, making him feel less of an oddity. You just want you brother by your side, he probably doesn't want to stand out or have his past life remembered....
I gained a "step parent" as a teen....I had had my real parent, I didn't need another parent. I needed a friend I could seek neutral advice from and be a buffer when me and my actual parent were butting heads. So that's what kind of relationship we had, we started as tentative friends and I grew to trust them and consider them as close as family. I never called him Dad, only ever used his first name, and though he and my mom never actually married, that's my step father. But it started just like you are with your husbands started with becoming friends and gaining trust
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