People Are Accepting Judgments For Their "Am I The Jerk?" Stories

Everyone has deep dark secrets they don't want to share with others. When they realize they have the capacity to be a gigantic jerk, some people mask their actual selves and try to act like nice people. But we must admit that it can really be challenging to maintain a positive attitude, especially when someone is truly trying our patience. In order to make a point or to just put someone in their place, we occasionally need to reveal our genuine selves and be a jerk sometimes. Continue reading and tell us who you believe to be the true jerk in these stories. AITJ = Am I the jerk? NTJ = Not the jerk WIBTJ = Would I be the jerk? YTJ = You're the jerk

21. AITJ For Not Giving My Mother-In-Law My Son's Social Security Number?


“My husband (23m) and I (20f) have a 3-month-old son.

Basically to make a 2-year long story short. My MIL has stolen money, lied about money, and doesn’t respect my husband or myself at all. She is extremely controlling and lies her way out of any situation and uses your trust to manipulate any trick you to get what she wants.

If that doesn’t work she will bully you to get what she wants. Anyways we have finally kicked her out of our finances and taken control of our lives from her.

To my surprise after everything she’s done, my husband wants to give her our son’s SSN.

I refuse because I don’t want him to have the same problems with her control tactics. He claims she only wants it to open a bank account for a college fund. What my husband seems to forget is that there has to be an adult on the account until he is old enough.

Another reason I don’t want her having his personal information as she’s known to steal. She has already stolen thousands from me personally before I was even engaged to him. (No I didn’t run, my dad is just as toxic and I love my husband too much to let her ruin it) I don’t feel comfortable with her being able to ruin our son’s credit.

I don’t trust her and my husband agrees she has stolen, lied, and messed us up financially but he is mad at me about our son’s information.

I don’t think I’m a jerk here. I just want to protect my son from her manipulation.

I feel like my husband is giving in to her pressure again even though we finally got her out of our financials after two years of arguing about it. I don’t understand how he can agree she’s a thief and liar but turn around and give her the same access to our baby boy.

I just feel like if she really is genuine about a college fund then we can open an account for him ourselves and let her send checks for us to put in/ transfer money to it without her name on it or having his SSN.

So, AITJ for refusing to let my lying thief of a MIL have my son’s SSN?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ, it’s not her son, and tell her to go away. She should be the last person you want to have access to his SSN or even a proxy as I am sure she has come up with a devious plan to pretend herself to be the carer and get some tax breaks or reclaim or even borrow money thereby screwing your sons credit file when he’s only 3 months old.

Don’t ever let her near any sort of information and if you do get any hint of such an action, call the authorities and claim fraud. Tell her to leave the money in one of her accounts so that she can transfer it to your son when he’s 18 if at all there’s any money.

Don’t let her ruin your son’s future.” SPolowiski

Another User Comments:


Since she has shown a long string of behavior that frankly should land her in jail, if your husband had the courage to press criminal charges against her, you have every right to refuse to give anything to that woman.

In fact, why don’t you and your husband block her out of your life completely? The same applies to your father.

Never allow anyone to remain in your life if they are consistently toxic to you. It doesn’t matter if they are your parents or not.

Actions show someone’s true values more than any words.

And your mother-in-law’s values clearly revolve around taking everybody for any amount of money she can get.” bmyst70

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Immediately put a fraud alert on your and your son’s SSN.

This way if she tries to open an account you will know and can press charges. There is also a security freeze you can apply for anyone trying to get a credit report. Whether you tell your spouse or not is up to you.

Warn them that you will press charges if she is given the ssn and attempts to use it. You can always open an account and allow her to deposit directly to the account. No special information is required. Good luck and this is definitely a hill to die on.” Soon_trvl4evr

4 points - Liked by IDontKnow, lebe, Mewhoelse and 1 more

User Image
Squidmom 1 year ago
No. You can open a 529 plan for college and get a link or QR code for family to donate without them getting any person information. Guarantee she wants it so she can scam money from somewhere.
6 Reply
View 7 more comments

20. AITJ For Spending Money On Maternity Clothes?


“I am 6 months pregnant, and for the last two years, I have been struggling financially.

I have studied medicine, and I’ve been working part-time in various jobs as I was preparing for the board exams for the country I am residing in, in order to register my license here. I am married, and my husband earns an average salary, but we have always helped each other out financially when the other is in a tight spot.

During this time, most of my income went toward rent, bills, and groceries. I haven’t been shopping for myself in ages.

I passed the board exams about 5 months ago. I had a very slow start as I was new, with a small number of patients.

Most months, I was earning the same amount I was making at my previous retail job! I started building my books, and just this month, I finally earned a decent amount (much more than I had ever previously earned). Before getting paid, I had SHOWN my husband my invoices for the month hi in order to help him feel less anxious about our finances, especially with a baby on the way.

As soon as I was paid, I put a portion of it into our joint savings account, and then I transferred him to pay back a loan we owed. Afterward, I went to a maternity store and bought myself 3 pairs of maternity pants and a maternity dress I had been eyeing for more than a month, but had not been able to afford up until that point.

I should mention that this store isn’t the cheapest store, but they specialize in maternity clothes and have some good quality items.

When I got home, I happily showed him what I had bought. Instead of showing any normal reaction, he shook his head, said something hurtful about how I was irresponsible for spending that amount of on clothes when we have a baby to worry about, and just left the room.

I was left in shock at how he spoke to me and reacted. For me, finally being able to afford something nice for myself with my own money, after spending so much effort in registering myself as a doctor in this country, was a moment of happiness and relief.

Instead, he made me feel as though I had done something terrible. I thought he would be proud of me for finally making some decent after making peanuts over the last two years. He didn’t even give me a chance to say anything, he just walked out of the room and now hasn’t spoken to me in 3 days.

I genuinely thought that he would realize by now that I have done nothing wrong, and would apologize. I sent him a long message explaining to him why the way he treated me was so unfair, that I did nothing wrong by getting myself some quality clothes for my pregnancy with my own money, and that was not going to make us go broke.

Today when I got home, he asked me how I am. Because I was so hurt by his lack of effort in trying to make things better, I simply replied ‘I’m fine’ and walked into the bathroom. Since then, once again, he hasn’t made a single effort to talk or apologize.

Please tell me, AITJ here?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. At six months you NEED mat pants. If you’re spending a bit more it’s fine (especially if you plan on more children) I wore the same ones for all three pregnancies and by the end even the pricey ones were rags.

If they do hold up resell them when you’re done.

You are in the right but if your hubby is not normally this weird about things maybe ask to sit down and listen to why he was so upset but this?

This feels like it goes beyond one splurge. Also, keep in mind when we are pregnant we are way more sensitive to criticism (not saying that was the situation but in my experience, my husband would say something and I would Interpret it the worst possible way).

I am reading this as a low-key hubby freak out about not being able to provide for your loved ones and instead of logically saying that he’s getting snarky. That might just be me as my hubby was terrified of the idea of being the sole provider even though my gov does mat leave.

Enjoy your lovely pants and good luck with your little one. ” seraphimburns

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. You need maternity clothes not just because they are more comfortable but also because they allow you to look more professional in your job.

I can’t imagine many people wanting to see someone who looks like they don’t know how to dress professionally.

Your husband seems quite clueless about pregnancy, your comfort, and your need to dress professionally. As a result, he probably doesn’t realize how hurtful his comments were.

That you’re still hurt by his lack of an apology risks the development of resentment on your part. That’s not healthy. Sooner rather than later, you may need to have a clear-the-air conversation with him. Good luck and congratulations on your pregnancy.” Individual_Ad_9213

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. He has absolutely no right to question you or complain to you about how you spend your own money. You put a portion of your paycheck into the joint account, which he does have a say over, and gave him some for a loan both of you owe, again which he has a say over.

And if he’s so worried about this baby that’s making its appearance in the next 3 months, he should realize that you need some kind of clothing to fit over your growing baby bump.

What does he expect you to do, borrow his clothes (assuming they’d be at least somewhat roomier for you than your non-maternity stuff)?

Shop at used-clothing stores? What’s going to happen when the baby actually comes? Will he be complaining about what kind of baby food or diapers (nappies) you buy?” sharirogers

3 points - Liked by IDontKnow, lebe and leja2

User Image
Woogiesmom721 1 year ago
Watch yourself and your baby. Your husband is definitely an idiot.
2 Reply
View 6 more comments

19. AITJ For Blaming My Partner For Her Car Accident?


“I (28M) have always told my partner (26F) that she needs to be a better driver.

She can drive but she is overly cautious, takes longer than needed to look around when parked, stops completely for a good few seconds at stop signs, keeps checking her speedometer and braking the moment she is 1mph more than the limit, etc.

Yesterday she crashed the car and claims a semi suddenly swerved into her lane as she was passing it. She lost control and hit the barrier. Luckily it was not too bad and the car is drive-able and fixable.

When she explained what happened, I told her, I knew that would happen someday and she argued saying that it ‘wasn’t her fault’.

I told her a single-vehicle collision is always your fault and that if she had not over-corrected, and slowed down gently she would not have lost control or even if she had hit the truck, then it would have been their fault.

The truck did not stop.

EDIT: I will apologize. I really meant to say this in terms of the insurance. Obviously, I know the truck initiated it by swerving. Usually, unless an accident is really serious, police do not bother finding the other driver and if insurance does not have that info they consider you at fault in terms of deductibles and premiums.”

Another User Comments:


Your partner might be an overly cautious driver, but if that’s how she keeps herself safe and comfortable, that’s how she does it.

Based on what she’s told you, she wasn’t at fault at all, and being overly cautious played absolutely no role in this crash.

She’s lucky that her car is fixable and that she’s healthy and safe after a ‘semi swerved into her lane as she was passing it’ really.

Telling someone a single-vehicle collision is always their fault is ridiculous too.

So many people hit barriers when swerving out of the way of vehicles swerving into their lanes. I know a few people who have avoided crashes with other vehicles by swerving away.

Have you thought about, you know, maybe having some empathy for someone who is probably a little shaken up by what must have been an awful crash?” SeekingBeskar

Another User Comments:

“YTJ. While your premise of overly cautious drivers can be dangerous is valid, nothing in your post shows that the accident was actually her fault. Her version has the same weight and possibility of being true despite her overly cautious methods as you described. Also, the thought of a single-vehicle collision is always your fault is very wrong, things go wrong mechanically all the time with vehicles that cause crashes.

This is one reason they are called accidents. Of course, this judgment could change if you were actually with your at the time of the crash or have a police report specifically assigning responsibility to your partner.” CapsFan1066

Another User Comments:

“YTJ. You even state that she’s a very cautious driver! While she will be deemed at fault, would you have preferred the truck hit her? She was possibly in the truck’s blind spot, which if you are passing a truck that’s going to happen.

But to tell someone you acknowledge is a cautious driver that you expected them to eventually get in an accident because they’re not a good driver?! Please provide examples of her bad driving. Seriously. You just knew this was going to happen eventually because she’s just not a good driver, so examples.

Because being mindful of vehicles around her, coming to complete stops, not speeding… that’s opposite of reckless driver.” CemeteryDweller7719

3 points - Liked by IDontKnow, Mewhoelse and leja2

User Image
CG1 1 year ago
Do you know how many times people have said stopping for a few extra seconds at a stop sign or traffic light has saved their lives because someone blew through the stop sign or light?? I also take a few extra seconds for thar very reason
6 Reply
View 3 more comments

18. AITJ For Making My Brother Feel Bad About His Jeans?


“I (23F) am a college student and live with my mom and brother ‘Caden’ (21M). Caden is very obsessed with seeming masculine, and he takes a lot of pride in his personal style.

He has a decent following on YouTube and TikTok, and his ‘brand’ is basically about being a player and attracting girls.

Well, he was making a video yesterday with some fairly expensive jeans he copped from a local custom designer.

They are light pink and he was having trouble finding a shirt to match. He came out to the kitchen complaining, and I told him to wear this tee I got for his birthday last month. I told him the pattern had some pink in it and would match well with pink jeans.

Caden immediately started yelling and kicking off. He insisted that they weren’t pink, and accused me of gaslighting him. He said they were red and I just had an agenda of masculating him. These jeans are literally rose pink, so I was definitely not gaslighting him.

He called our mom at work (this was during her lunch hour) and told her what I said. My mom took Caden’s side and accused me of raining on my brother’s parade by making him feel bad about his new clothes.

I replied that I don’t think guys wearing pink are bad, and Caden is just making drama over nothing.

Now Caden won’t wear the jeans, and because they aren’t returnable, my mom wants me to reimburse him for the cost of the jeans.

There’s no way I’m doing that.


Another User Comments:

“NTJ – So the fragile flower bought pink jeans and now that someone called them pink jeans, he refuses to wear them and threw a fit? HAHAHAHAHA. Oh, and your mother enabled this nonsense.

And wants YOU to pay for his pink jeans he won’t wear because you called them what they were and somehow his ridiculously fragile version of masculinity couldn’t handle it?

She’s the problem. She is helping him be like ‘motions’ THAT.

Print out a color chart of shades of pink with his jeans color on it and the names of the colors. Give a copy to each of them. Tell them that they owe you an apology unless whatever doctor they take him to says he has color blindness and sees those jeans as something else.” C_Alex_author

Another User Comments:


There’s nothing wrong with wanting to dress well and being concerned about fashion and appearance. Vikings were apparently obsessed with looking their best and even carried small pouches with grooming products, hair dye, and combs. Vikings were also able to correctly identify colors.

At 21, your brother should be able to correctly identify colors, perhaps an area small child can help him. Nothing screams ‘chick magnet alpha male’ like crying to mommy that his sister is teasing him.

Your brother choosing not to wear a specific pair of pants is not your problem and you should not pay for it.” MeatShield12

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Pink is a very traditionally masculine clothing color actually. It’s why a lot of formal bankers/etc can be seen with light-pink shirts. Or pink collars.

It wasn’t until the 30s and 40s that pink became more of a ‘young girls’ color in stores, and the blue/pink thing was only applicable there for children.

Your brother just emasculated himself, which is kind of impressive. He’s also demonstrated complete ignorance of… so many things. Your mom tho… what a piece of work.

Ignore them, don’t apologize.” abritinthebay

4 points - Liked by IDontKnow, Mewhoelse, leja2 and 1 more

User Image
alohakat 1 year ago (Edited)
You are NTA for telling your "alpha male" brother (over-compensating much?) that pink is pink. If that bothers hims so much, tell him there is a place where he can wear his "masculine" pink pants and not be noticed or even commented on, unless he wants to be picked up. It's called Polk Street. It's in San Francisco, and it's where all the "real men" hang out. Given his reaction to your calling a rose a rose, and his "alpha male player" persona on his IG, I would not be at all surprised that one day, sooner or later, he comes out of his carefully constructed little closet. His reaction just screams, "I'm gay and trying my best to hide it!" At least mommy will understand when it happens.
5 Reply
View 2 more comments

17. AITJ For Getting Frustrated When My Husband Shouts At Me Over Mandarin Lessons?


“I (29F) have started to learn Mandarin. My husband (32M) is Chinese and we have a son (9moM) so he would like for us both to learn Mandarin. I have only had 2 lessons so far and try to practice in my spare time whilst looking after our baby.

It was my 2nd lesson today and I was so excited to show him some of the basic sentences I had learned in the class, however, when I started speaking he rolled his eyes at me.

Being a shy person, I immediately stopped speaking because I thought he was angry with me for incorrect pronunciation.

Bear in mind, it is only the 2nd lesson I have ever had; my native tongue is English. He then proceeded all the way back home to shout at me asking if I had only learned 3 words and telling me I had wasted my time and his.

I am so eager to learn so I can properly communicate with my in-laws, so when he said that, I got upset and started crying, all confidence I had from my lesson completely gone. (Side note: before my relationship with him, I was in a very abusive relationship, so I do easily get upset but I am working on it.

I was constantly critiqued and told I was useless).

He said I have him to talk to for practice, but he is only at home 1 day a week and even then I am too busy cooking/cleaning/raising our son.

When I pointed this out, he told me I should be sectioned again (I have postpartum psychosis and was hospitalized when my son was very young) and told me I was a jerk who is wasting my time and his.

He said I should have learned to speak more than 3 sentences and I am pathetic for being so upset and he learned English so I can learn Mandarin (he has been speaking English and Mandarin since childhood). So, I think I am asking, AITJ for trying to defend myself after getting upset after being shouted at for not learning a language quickly enough?

I was the one who went to the GP about postpartum psychosis and agreed to be sectioned under the Mental Health Act. My husband had nothing to do with that, he is using it to keep me from arguing back.

I don’t know.”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Your husband sounds quite unhinged. No one can converse in a foreign language after only two lessons. When you add to that that it is a language with a completely different alphabet and overall structure, he should be happy if you can manage a superficial conversation after a couple of years of DAILY lessons.

Also, he seems to be using your former mental health problem to put you down. If that doesn’t change, I fear that your relationship doesn’t have much of a future. Your husband doesn’t appear to be a very nice guy overall.

Don’t let him walk all over you.” SnooSprouts6712

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. This isn’t about Mandarin. It’s about browbeating you until you have no self-esteem. It’s less likely you’ll leave him if he convinces you that you’re worthless and can’t do better.

This is why it’s not about Mandarin: you don’t need to be fluent (or even know Mandarin) for your kid to learn it. Your husband can spend more time at home and teach him if he really wants his kid to know Mandarin.

You can learn as you go so you can understand him when he’s old enough to talk. Your husband can also watch your kid while you take lessons, but he won’t. He craps on you for not being fluent after two lessons on one of the hardest languages in the world as if that’s a possible outcome.

If this was about Mandarin proficiency, he’d do any of those things because they are the most reasonable solutions. He’s just using this as a crappy, rather unrelated excuse to harass you.” toothpicksplinterz

Another User Comments:

“So you went from one toxic relationship to another.

You need to get your ducks in a row and find a way to leave. Get doctors, social workers, any professionals necessary to vouch for your improvement and mental health because this guy is absolutely going to make your life miserable by trying to take your kid and using your postpartum psychosis against you to gain full custody.

Go to a DV shelter to get more resources, and enter therapy. Talk to people who will support you and have your back. Go to support groups. Establish a solid support system. And get out. Do not enter another relationship until you figure out how to break the pattern of finding abusive guys to settle with.

Go to therapy for this. NTJ” queenlegolas

5 points - Liked by IDontKnow, Mewhoelse, Spaldingmonn and 2 more

User Image
limu1 1 year ago
You're NTJ, but you ARE in another abusive relationship. Gather your and your son's paperwork, as much money as you can scrounge, and RUN! Is there a relative or friend you can stay with temporarily?
7 Reply
View 8 more comments

16. AITJ For Confronting My Friend About Giving Favor To Pretty Patients?


“I am a physiotherapy intern working in an outpatient setting.

There are 5 (3 men, 2 women) of us and we see cases all day. There are all kinds of people coming here. One of us is a guy who I’m going to call Aaron. Aaron isn’t a bad therapist, he does his job, his patients like him and he has many regulars.

Our system allows us to follow a rotation based on which patients are assigned to each of us, but we can override the system because no one really supervises it. We sometimes take patients when it’s not our turn if there are patients who need only female therapists, or if there’s a language barrier.

I’ve been noticing for the past month that Aaron has been volunteering to take patients who are always 1 – female 2 – pretty and tall.

I counted and he’s done this 13 times. Maybe I am mistaken, but I think that is creepy.

So at lunch yesterday, we were all eating and discussing random things and I asked him why he was doing that. I said, ‘how do all the pretty patients end up getting treated by you?’

He was defensive and said he was just taking on more cases to lessen everyone else’s workload.

He turned it on me and said I’m keeping track of what people are doing, and that he’s just trying to be helpful. He even called me jealous. I tried to argue back but no one else said anything so it felt like I was imagining it.

Now everyone is being cold to me. The only other girl told me she noticed it too but said that maybe I’m overreacting. The rest of them have distanced themselves from me and have accused me of trying to start drama.

Am I the jerk here? Did I say something wrong?

Edit – I’m trying to say that I find the fact that he is actively seeking out pretty women as patients a little unethical and creepy. As Physical therapists, we are in close contact with these patients.

Would you want your therapist to pick you because of how you looked?”

Another User Comments:

“You are NTJ. As a woman who’s not very attractive, I appreciate you for speaking up. One of the reasons I left healthcare because the biases were insane.

I don’t want to get too much into the topic of your post, because it’s pretty triggering for me, but I was fondled and treated like a blow-up doll by a gynecologist when I was in my early twenties, he kept on telling everybody about the floor how small my cervix was, and he asked me if he could call in a few other doctors to show them.

It was humiliating. Then, after they all left, he kept asking if he could go back and see and again. I later asked my female gynecologist if my cervix was small, and she said it was average size and there was no reason for him to do that to me at all.” PugetWitch

Another User Comments:

“I would say YTJ as it’s not your concern what sort of patients he’s taking. He isn’t doing anything wrong and he doesn’t have to go out of his way to please you. He might be taking what’s available or maybe he’s choosing but as long as he’s delivering a professional service, it’s not your business.

It appears that you wanted to do the same and somehow find a taking up the patients you possibly wanted resulting in you keeping tabs or else you wouldn’t have noticed this in the first case. So looking at others through the lens you use to look at everything is the reason why others are staying away from you.

It’s wise to stop cross-examining others based on your perceptions and in a workplace not to cause such unprofessional drama with allegations that may or may not have a base.” SPolowiski

Another User Comments:

“NTJ – As someone who is the manager of a physio clinic, if I noticed one of my Physios was doing something like that I would absolutely have questions.

Especially given the fact he immediately got defensive about it and someone else has noticed too.

Maybe it is a coincidence, but patients in any health setting are in a vulnerable position – ESPECIALLY something like a physio that has a lot of physical contacts – and needs to be able to trust their providers.

It would be nice to think that everybody in that kind of profession has exclusively pure intentions and just wants to help, unfortunately, that is not the case and patients need someone looking out for them.

It might be worth bringing it up with someone in a management position for them to hopefully take notice of and potentially take appropriate action if there’s something sketchy going on.” Leather-Candle-4034

Another User Comments:


YOU are creepy. You are far too interested in young women that are not even YOUR patients. Your obsession with other people’s clients is concerning.

‘The rest of them have distanced themselves from me and have accused me of trying to start drama.’… A sensible precaution.

They should report you to HR before you start acting out even more, so they already have documentation then and can act faster.” Motor_Business483

-8 points (8 vote(s))

User Image
Spaldingmonn 1 year ago
Is there a supervisor you should bring these concerns to? This conduct is inappropriate and is a huge concern and a red flag. This bias for pretty AND tall is bad. You are not the only one who noticed. I'm disappointed in your female colleague by the way. NTJ.
4 Reply
View 2 more comments

15. AITJ For Refusing To Work For My Friend's Wedding?


“I (F22) have been friends with let’s call her Casey (F22) since we were in middle school. We were never best friends or anything just pretty decent friends that have kept in contact over the years.

Well recently she’s been planning her wedding with her fiance and I got an invitation to come. I tell her that I should be able to come and that it was not a problem. Well, one night we and a few other friends are all hanging out and having a girl’s night out when she told us that she was having trouble finding someone to act as security for the wedding.

She was wanting security because she feared her ex would show up and cause drama.

Now Casey knows that I’m a police officer, but she doesn’t know that I pull private security jobs some days on my time off to make a little extra money.

One of our friends at the table we’ll call her Sarah knows that I do security and she brought it up, saying that I should consider doing it. Casey didn’t say anything then but later when everyone else had left she asked me.

She told me that she’d pay me for it. I told her that I wasn’t willing to do it. I said that I’d be more than happy to see if one of my buddies would be willing to but I wanted to just enjoy the wedding and not have to work it and be treated like just a staff member, I wouldn’t be able to eat or have any of the cake during the reception or anything.

She ended up getting kinda mad at me and saying that I knew what her ex was like and that she’d prefer me to work it now that she knows that I do security as a second job. She said that I was being unfair and that it questions my friendship with her now.


Another User Comments:


You were invited to the wedding as a guest, not as a staff member, you gave her a great reference/resource to security that she clearly isn’t considering.

Sounds like she maybe thinks she will save or feel safer or something if you work as security, still doesn’t matter she shouldn’t be able to take away your invitation as a guest to spend another day at work.

Crappy friend, hopefully, she comes around and understands that isn’t fair for you.” jennytheniece

Another User Comments:


She invited you as a guest! That means she considers you a friend.

She should be thrilled you would be there as a backup to her paid security if needed and that you will recommend someone suitable.

Let’s assume she is missing the point that you would be excluded from the celebration if you were working… give her a day to think and then send a message with someone you highly recommend for the job.” brandnewsquirrel

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Sarah and Casey are. It’s interesting how Sarah not only brought up the fact about you working security, but she also volunteered you for it. Meanwhile, Casey invited you as a guest, not as a bodyguard. Truthfully it sounds like a setup to me.

If Casey has that big of a problem with you not wanting to work during an event you were invited to enjoy, I wouldn’t even go. Make a day of it for you.” Mortalcompanion

2 points - Liked by IDontKnow and lebe

User Image
alohakat 1 year ago
Sounds like Casey wants you there as free security if her ex shows up and stirs up trouble. At this point, if I were you, I would just say, "Sorry, but no, under the circumstances, I think it would be better if I did not attend. Good luck and enjoy your special day." Send her a nice gift and be done with it. Call me cynical, but my bet is that she will cut off contact with you. It's a small price to pay for finding out she probably was not your "friend" to begin with. As far as Sarah goes, I would cut her off anyway. That was a crappy move for her to tell Casey that not only are you a police officer, you would also do security for her. Very presumptuous and uncalled for. NTJ.
5 Reply
View 2 more comments

14. AITJ For Not Wanting My Coworker's Hand-Me-Downs For My Kid?


“My coworker contacted me to let me know that she had some hand-me-down clothes that my toddler was welcome to.

She said they were in ‘play’ condition, well-loved, and had some stains, but all were freshly laundered.

Now, I don’t mind stains or worn clothes for my toddler at this point. She will either make it that way herself or burn through brand-new clothes too fast, so we LOVE pre-loved for this stage.

I picked up the box and there were some really cute clothes that we are definitely going to use.

Folded in, however, was a pair of black pants. I held them up to take a look (as I did with each piece to make sure it was something I’d use) and noticed that it was wet.

I took a sniff and immediately smelled diarrhea/poop smell. Gagging, I turned it around and sure enough, there was a rancid poo stain on the pants.

This really annoys me because… well… I feel like that’s totally unacceptable. I would never in a million years think of sending that to someone’s house and I would make sure what I’m folding truly is clean.

Anyways, when I saw her next I said that I found a pair of pants with actual wet, seemingly fresh poo stains folded neatly into the pile. I told her this was disgusting and to please check clothing properly before handing them to someone.

It’s completely unhygienic and while I appreciate the clothing, it’s really not okay.

She apologized to me profusely but then I heard through a different colleague that she was telling people I was an ungrateful because I ‘complained about the clothes being too old when I should have expected it as they were hand-me-downs’ and of course mentioned nothing about the pooped pants.

I said that her side of the story wasn’t true and what had actually happened.

Anyways, I’m annoyed but I do understand it’s embarrassing that it happened to her. I don’t see how someone does this without knowing. Am I a jerk for telling her it’s not okay despite her being kind enough to pass down clothes?”

Another User Comments:

“YTJ, she clearly told you the clothes she was giving you were freshly laundered which means she wasn’t trying to give you dirty clothes. Those pants were probably being used by her own child and got mixed in while she took the time to fold and pack clothes for your daughter.

It’s gross of course but you are a mom and assume your kids have pooped their pants while you’re in the middle of doing other things and you cleaned and changed them and went back to what you were doing.

You could have told her what you found and accepted her apology and made a joke and conversation about it. Instead, you decided that she maliciously decided to give you clothes for your child and included poopy pants just to gross you out.

She’s right you’re ungrateful and unappreciative in your response to a clear mistake. I’m sure you won’t have to worry about having anything like that happen again with her and she’ll either find someone else to give them to or donate.” Sleepysloth-2023

Another User Comments:

“Everyone sucks here. Yes, it’s disgusting but if it’s one pair of pants I would guess it’s a mistake and someone put them there by mistake. My kid moves clothes around all the time.

OP sucks because you don’t have to be all high and mighty and tell your coworker how it’s disgusting and bla bla bla, she knows. It’s poop. And again, if it was just one item it was obviously a mistake.

The coworker sucks for spreading rumors that you didn’t appreciate the clothes.

This situation could have been resolved with ‘hey I think something went wrong one of the pants had fresh poop on them’ and ‘oh I’m sorry!’ And then end of the situation.” flaggingpolly

Another User Comments:

“YTJ. She did you a favor and you even said there was stuff you will definitely use. From what she said, she seemed to think they were all freshly laundered, so whatever happened seemed to have been a mistake.

As a mom, you’ve got to be used to clothes full of poop and yes, it’s disgusting, and it’s not your kid, so you don’t want to deal with it, but it doesn’t seem worth getting annoyed about or telling her it’s not okay when she’s given you probably at least a good 20-30 bucks of clothes.

Also, your kid is going to make other people dirty over time, hopefully, they’ll be more gracious about it.” Indusnm

Another User Comments:

“Everyone sucks here. Isn’t it obvious to you that her kid tried to hide a pair of soiled pants?

Why is it not obvious to you that she did not know there was a pair of poopy pants buried in the pile?

Of course, it was completely disgusting, did you think she would’ve been ok with the pants if she knew?

This is not how you talk to someone who went out of her way to do you a favor. She did not go out of her way to avoid doing the laundry. This was one pair of pants, obviously, a mistake happened, my bets are on her child.

It was rude of you to admonish her, and did you do it in a way coworkers could have possibly heard? She must be mortified.

It was disgusting. Do you think she disagrees?

You told her to check clothing properly.

You don’t think she did laundry and put it together properly? Then something happened, no need to check again, she thought it was set.

She knows it’s unhygienic, which is why she didn’t give you poopy pants on purpose.

It’s really not ok.

Yeah, don’t you think she knows that? How embarrassing that she tried to do you a favor and you didn’t just let her know a pair of poopy pants got in, but you’re telling her it’s not ok like she’s a child.

She’s also a jerk for minimizing why you’re upset, but it’s more understandable because she is mortified not only that it happened on her watch, but you admonished her. She’s trying to do damage control so she doesn’t have all her coworkers think she’s disgusting.

Please be kind.” StraightJacketRacket

0 points - Liked by Mewhoelse

User Image
mima 1 year ago
Ntj for saying something. How did she not know?
3 Reply
View 1 more comment

13. AITJ For Being Smug About My Engagement?


“I met my fiancé through my stepbrother as they’re friends. My stepbrother has told me multiple times since I started seeing my fiancé that he was just using me and that I shouldn’t think I meant more to him than someone to sleep with as I wasn’t the type of girl he would marry.

I’ve been feeling happy and a little smug since my fiancé proposed but my stepbrother has been telling our family that he only did it because I’m pregnant even though I only told him after he proposed. He claims my fiancé already knew, but I doubt it.

I said ‘I guess you aren’t as close to him as you thought you are’ to my stepbrother after he made a comment about how my fiancé could still leave me when my stepdad said he was happy my fiancé was stepping up.

My stepbrother considers my fiancé one of his best friends so I know he’s bitter that he never told him he was planning to propose and my comment struck a nerve.

He’s acting all annoyed now and has made comments about how I should stop acting so smug because I could still fall flat on my face and how I don’t know my fiancé the way he does.


Another User Comments:

“NTJ, because the way you’re explaining this, your stepbrother seems to find satisfaction in being a bit of a jerk. Unless he’s really trying to get you to stay away from someone he knows to be a jerk and you’ve somehow failed to convey that here, then you are NTJ.

I’m guessing from the fact he’s still friends with this guy that it is not the case he’s trying to protect you though, so you just keep seeing your fiance as long as you’re happy with him and he’s kind to you.

I would seriously consider boundary-setting with your stepbrother though. You should actively try and block his toxic diatribe. You don’t need the drama.” Zestyclose_Rope_7916

Another User Comments:

“YTJ. You may want to stop being so smug & ask yourself if you are really hearing what your stepbrother is saying & if you are assuming he’s jealous or if he actually is.

Is he trying to tell you something without betraying his friend? Even if he is jealous, it’s because he’s losing a friend to his step. Did you guys at least ask if he had an issue w it before? This is so immature & petty.

Don’t sound grown enough to be engaged or start a family. You are literally being spiteful over what should be joyous.” misskelly08

Another User Comments:

“NTJ for saying ‘I guess you aren’t as close as you thought’. Saying that doesn’t make you a jerk – but, you know that already, don’t you?

That’s not why you’re here.

You’re here because you want to know if your stepbrother is right.

The prevailing theory here is that stepbro is into either you or your fiancé. I don’t buy that.

So, either he’s saying these things because he’s super-toxic, like a soap villain (and you don’t think that’s the case)…

Or, he’s saying these things because they’re true. And his persistence, and your fiancé’s inadequate response, are making you worry, and that’s why you’re here.

You need to have a long, seriously think about whether this marriage is the right thing for you.” No_Grocery_1480

1 points - Liked by lebe and Mewhoelse

12. AITJ For Not Wanting To Share My Office With My Wife?


“My wife and I live in a house that has 3 bedrooms. It was supposed to be 4 bedrooms, but the prior owner took out a wall, moved windows, and made a big 22’X12′ room, when they built it, rather than two 11X12 bedrooms. One bedroom is our master and then we have a spare bedroom that is 10X10 with a queen bed in it for guests that we have stayed with a few times a year (eg.

friends, family, etc.)

I have been working from home full time for 7 years and the 22X11 bedroom is my office. I have two L-shaped desks in one half of the room, with several computers and screens. On the other half of the room, there is a big 4-bay window (they took the two windows and put them next to each other for a nice view out) and two closets filling a wall.

It’s a nice space that feels comfortable to work out of. My side doesn’t have a window, but I am facing the windows at my desk.

My wife constantly fights with me about putting a wall up, moving doors, moving windows, getting new carpet, etc. to allow her to have a workout room for herself.

She sees this as a relationship issue because I’m selfish and ‘never care about what she wants’ yet she’s asking me to potentially ruin my working space and doesn’t care that it’s my office and has been for 7 years.

I constantly just say ‘No, I work from home full time.

This is my office. I don’t want to be stuck in a 10X10 box to work out of when I have a nice 20-foot-long room that makes me feel successful while I work.’

AITJ for putting my foot down and not listening at all to her wanting to split the room in half because I work from home and don’t want to lose the place I work in?”

Another User Comments:

“YTJ for acting as though the house is solely yours.

However, why can’t you get a Murphy bed for the spare bedroom, so that your wife can use it as a workout space for the majority of the time, and the few times a year you have visitors sleeping over, you can shift the exercise equipment around to lower the Murphy bed for guests?

That spare bedroom is severely underutilized and could be reconfigured into a nice workout space for your wife.

I understand wanting to have a decent space for the room you likely spend ~7 hours a day, five days a week.

But you should compromise because the house isn’t just yours.” trekingMTB

Another User Comments:


‘My Wife Left Me Because I Left My Dish By The Sink’ is a great article that reminds me of you. A man’s wife divorced him over what he considered to be a trivial issue, the fact that he always left his dish by the sink instead of just washing it.

They argued over it all the time. Eventually, the wife divorced him. He couldn’t believe that she divorced him over a stupid issue like dishes. But the fact is, she divorced him because she realized he would never hear her.

He would never respect her. He would always trivialize her feelings, and do whatever he wanted regardless of how she felt. She was just a side character in his life, there to do his chores, and once she realized that, she left. It was too painful for her.

You have created a situation where your wife now realizes that she’s not your partner, she’s your maid. You care about your big office and your success, but you do not care about your wife. I can’t imagine how hurt she must feel every single day.

She will leave you, and then she will have the workout space she always wanted. And she will feel fantastic. And you will be all alone.” MyDucksAreCute

Another User Comments:

“YTJ if it is not feasible to divide the room, it seems like it’s time for you to consider an alternative plan to give your wife some consideration after seven years.

Swap your office for the current guest room. Then put the guest room furniture onto the large bedroom (which would take half the space it seems) and add workout equipment for your wife in the other half. She wouldn’t have a dedicated room but at least would have some space to herself most since the guest room is used infrequently.

And guests can put up with some gym equipment the few times they stay. Even if the current guest room has an en-suite bathroom, I still think you should prioritize a new space arrangement and try it out.” hedgehog_dont_share

0 points - Liked by IDontKnow

User Image
Spaldingmonn 1 year ago
YTJ. You're the smug and entitled jerk in this story. Reread the post by MyDucksAreCute. They have your number.
2 Reply
View 2 more comments

11. AITJ For Being Annoyed At My In-Laws For Eating Foods They Gave To Me?


“My in-laws are big travelers and they usually generously bring back a food-themed souvenir for me and my wife from wherever they visit. They’ve brought back spiced mustard from Austria, mini bottles of maple syrup from Vermont, and Kona coffee from Hawaii.

But they then help themselves to the gift when they come over (which is every week). Of the 4 small tubes of different spiced mustards, my father-in-law ate about 60% of them, including finishing them. He never asked if he could have any, he just helped himself.

I like to savor gifts like that since I don’t know if I’ll ever visit the place the food is from. I was raised to never take the last of something unless I asked my parents or they bought it just for me.

One morning I came downstairs to find my in-laws using up the last of the maple syrup from Vermont on their and my 3-year-old’s pancakes – the bottles were of different types of syrup and were only a couple of ounces each.

We had a regular jug of maple syrup right next to the sample pack. When I incredulously said, ‘why are you using that maple syrup?’ My MIL replied, ‘you’ve had the syrups for months.’ I said, ‘I didn’t realize the gift had an expiration date.’

I love coffee and either roast my own beans or buy pricier bags from local roasters. When they got me Kona coffee (half-pound bag) my MIL, who usually drinks Folgers out of a Kuerig, asked me to make her some.

I did but was extremely irritated that she would even ask given that there are limited cups in a half-pound bag. If I was a boons farm wine drinker I wouldn’t give someone a $100 bottle of wine and ask for a glass.

Edit: Additional context/information – they are over one night a week to watch our daughter. We send her to daycare for 3 days but the grandparents (both my parents and my in-laws) requested that they are able to spend one day each with her.

They bring some of their own food (my FIL has his own Gatorade and beer in our fridge) – I never eat their food as there is usually a small amount or finite quantity.


Another User Comments:

“Everyone sucks here.

They shouldn’t be indiscriminately eating these one-off precious foods, and in my view, they should also ask before eating stuff in your fridge in general. But you are also to blame for not taking steps to prevent this since it seems to happen often.

Do you have a free-for-all on other things in the fridge? That policy would reasonably have them believe these items are also fair game. If you don’t want them eating the perishable gifts they give you, store them away from general groceries at home.

I keep my top-flight ingredients in a special place away from my partner and my roommates (when I had them).” vikingthundergoddess

Another User Comments:

“Definitely time to sit down with them and express that they were doing something that bothers you.

Right now they are not giving you a gift? They’re storing their groceries at your place and letting you also use them. Since they’re the ones finishing it/using it comfortably at will.

Next time they gift you something you could even reject it under the pretense of ‘when you gift us things it tends to then be reclaimed by you, why don’t we just let you keep it to make it easier?’

NTJ, as someone who treasures and plans out fun foods this would consistently bum me out.” CandidCapybarra

Another User Comments:

“Everyone sucks here. Their behavior is rude and presumptuous. It doesn’t matter if they gave the gift or not, they shouldn’t treat any of your possessions as their own.

You suck too but only a little bit. If they are regularly bringing gifts to you and doing this, just accept it for what it is. They aren’t obligated to bring these gifts at all, so enjoy the parts you have and share, and you can simply anticipate this is how it’s going to go.

It’s not as though their behavior is harmful even if it is peculiar.” CobraPuts

-2 points (2 vote(s))

User Image
Ninastid 1 year ago
Ntj lock that stuff up in your room when they come over and if they ask just tell them you used it all
6 Reply
View 1 more comment

10. AITJ For Leaving My Friend's Party?


“This past weekend my wife (41F) and I (42M) attended one of my friend’s party’s that I was invited to. For context, my friend (42M) his partner (48F), and their two friends (also mid 40’s M&F) were hosting this party the 4 of them together.

A few weeks ago when I received the invitation I realized that it said on it something along the lines of ‘please be prepared to purchase your own drinks’. Didn’t think much of it at the time considering I just thought they were hiring a bartender or something, but fast forward to the day of the party.

I arrive with my wife and it’s my friend and his partner standing behind their kitchen counter that they were using as their ‘bar’, making/charging the guests for drinks. Now I was confused for a few reasons…

1, the fact that this party was held at my friend’s house, it’s not like this was at an event space or something where this would be normal, in my opinion.

2, there was no bartender that they hired or anything like that. It was literally 2 of the 4 of them standing in the kitchen at a time making drinks for people and then charging them accordingly (drinks were all under $10).

Now I don’t know if this is actually a common thing, but I have never in my 42 years of living been to a ‘party’ at a friend’s house where the hosts are charging you themselves for drinks.

I’ve had multiple parties over the years, that I have invited my friend and his partner to which they have attended, and I’ve never charged ANYONE for drinks ever. I’ve always bought all the drinks myself and had an open bar type of situation.

Where my guests can make their own drinks. I even had a proper bartender once and still, no one was charged, it was an open bar.

I honestly felt like my friend, his partner, and their friends were all trying to make a quick buck off of their guests who attended. Clearly to cover to cost of the drinks.

Which, yeah I understand that booze isn’t cheap these days but we’re talking about splitting the cost of whatever they bought between 4 PEOPLE. Like, in my opinion if you can’t afford to supply drinks at your party, why are you having a party in the first place?

This also wasn’t for charity or anything the money made off of the drinks was for them to split.

My wife and I bought one drink each, stayed for about an hour or so, and said our goodbyes. When we were leaving my friend asked why we didn’t have that much to drink.

I told him because I think it’s ridiculous that they are charging their close friends for drinks. He called me cheap and an unsupportive friend. I assured him that I’m not, if the charging for drinks was for a good cause (like profits go to charity or something) of course I’d buy drinks.

I told him I find the fact that they are charging for drinks, and keeping the money for themselves ridiculous and taking advantage of their friends. Anyway, now my friend and his partner are butt hurt about this and have been calling me a jerk to our mutual friends.

AITJ here?

EDIT: My wife and I have decided to exclude my ‘friend’ and his partner from any of our future parties. I blocked both my ‘friend’ and his partner as well.”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Frankly, it’s just bizarre that they are standing there making drinks and charging Invited guests who happen to be friends for it.

I think it’s clearly about money for them because it would have been far less work for them just to ask people to bring their own booze. I just couldn’t imagine actually pouring the drinks at my own party and taking money off friends, it’s just so cringe.

So yeah your not the jerk but I kind of feel like unfortunately the kind of people who are ballsy enough to do that kind of thing, are probably the kind of people who will just never accept that they’re in the wrong anyway.” JamieGeorgeXO

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. You both actually bought a drink and stayed for a while to mingle despite how uncomfortable the hosts were making the party and then they act like you’re in the wrong. The whole situation was weird even with the warning or paying for drinks.

What if people just decided not to drink at all would they have been kicked out? It seems more like they are trying to fund some vacation or something and are mad you aren’t helping to pay for it. I’m not sure I would ever go to a party hosted by any of those 4 ever again.” amlovabledeathmo

Another User Comments:

“NTJ and your friend does need a lesson or two on not being cheap or selfish. If someone invites you to their home, you don’t go there with an open wallet expecting to pay for drinks. If that was the case, why bother turning up at all as it’s just a poor-quality bar and the friendship doesn’t matter.

They might as well invited everyone to a bar and had a good time with everyone buying a round of drinks then this stingy attempt to make some money.” SPolowiski

2 points - Liked by IDontKnow and lebe

User Image
kahi 1 year ago
To add to what everyone else said, selling drinks without a license in one's private home is incredibly illegal.
3 Reply
View 5 more comments

9. AITJ For Not Wanting To Get Notifications From My Wife?


“The honest core of this question is that I (36m) am super anti-‘notification’. I know I sound like a boomer but I got sick of knowing that Aunt Maple commented on my Insta post years ago.

I will open the app if I want to know that. I do not need to know about Aunt Maple’s comment until the second I seek out that information.

However, I appreciated the health and activity features on the Apple Watch.

So I got one for myself and I tediously curated the information delivered to me on my wrist. Notifications are even worse on the watch because I can’t exactly just flip the watch over and ignore it!

My wife (34f) (whom I love very much) wanted to make sure she could get a hold of me, so we use a chat app that allows notifications.

The rules were very clear when I switched to this app: she can text me once and I’ll answer at my earliest convenience. I will always know it is her texting because she is the only person who has access to my wrist notifications.

Any more than one text means ’emergency’.

She has run afoul of that rule many times, as you can guess. She says she very literally cannot stop herself when she gets excited and that she’s not neurotypical like me so I can’t understand.

And she’s right, I don’t understand what it’s like to have ADHD, but I do know what my boundaries are with my wrist buzzing while I’m at work.

Last week, she sent me like four consecutive texts because she found out that her coworker (who I don’t know and frankly do not care about) had gotten a DUI.

While he was in college, years ago. So that night I sat down with her and said I was not going to do the wrist notifications anymore, and that I’d regularly check my phone for messages from her.

She was kind of vaguely mad about it for a week, but yesterday I finally just confronted her about it and she said that she thought I was being disrespectful of her limitations and that everyone gets used to notifications eventually.

I said it had been three months and I was still not used to it, and she said I should give it more time.

Here’s where I might’ve been a jerk: I told her I thought this was a tiny issue that wasn’t even worth being angry about.

I still check my phone for her texts and I’ve never missed one by more than like fifteen minutes. I also explained that she can still call me if there was an emergency. She’s still mad.


ETA: She got home and I just had a short but really helpful conversation with her.

She said that she didn’t really want to buzz me all the time, but she felt really special that she was the only person who I allowed to text me on the watch. She was sad that we lost that little intimate connection.

And that makes total sense and we are both committed to finding a good solution that makes us both happy.”

Another User Comments:

“No jerks here.

I can understand the buzzing not being ok at work. But. Your notifications are your problem and yours to handle.

You can’t constantly micromanage someone else’s actions. If you’re in a meeting and can’t be bothered, put your watch on do not disturb. Silence the text thread and read and catch up later. Or check in at lunch.

Talk to her and set boundaries that work for both of you as a married couple.

The way this story comes across is like a disapproving parent punishing a disobedient child, not an equal partnership. You’re sick of this and don’t care about that… Removing privileges?

You love her, but do you even like her at all?” coldoldduck

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Wife wants you to accommodate her ADHD and other ‘limitations’ (your word) but, let’s face it, you have some limitations of your own and she’s the one who is unwilling to work with them by honoring your rules.

Yes, most people get used to notifications, but it’s clear you cannot and that it triggers anxiety that may or may not manifest itself in the form of grumpiness or irritation. In other words, you’re also atypical. If she’s not willing to meet you halfway by limiting her messages, then you have no duty to meet her at all.” JeepersCreepers74

Another User Comments:

“Are you familiar with the concept of ‘love birds’? I’m grossly paraphrasing here but basically, there is this study done of married couples in a cabin, and there was a cool bird outside. When one partner would ask the other to look at the cool bird, couples who shared that experience had a way higher chance of their marriage lasting a long time, while couples where one person got excited and tried to share but the other just kind of shrugged it off had a higher divorce rate.

Your wife is telling you things that she’s excited about because she loves you and wants to share them with you, even if it’s inconsequential. You are telling her that your work is more important, you don’t care, and she’s an annoyance.

Over time, that’s going to internalize and even if she sticks around it’s going to make her feel really bad. Because you don’t care about the small stuff so why would you care about the big stuff?

Honestly soft YTJ.

I don’t think you’re wrong for not wanting a million notifications, but there’s some sort of blockage going on here where she wants to reach out, and you want to smack that hand away.” MMorrighan

Another User Comments:

“NTJ because she’s ADHD, she does get used to notifications.

In fact, they just become background noise to her. She doesn’t just ignore them; they don’t even register after a while.

She doesn’t know what it’s like to NOT be ADHD. Notifications interrupt.

She couldn’t respect your limits on the app, and that made the app detract from your life and relationship rather than enhance it.

No reason to keep it.” pineboxwaiting

1 points - Liked by IDontKnow

User Image
mima 1 year ago
Ntj but she's acting like a child that cantbfollow rules
1 Reply
View 2 more comments

8. AITJ For Working On Changing My Last Name?


“My (F20) parents separated when I was 3 and their divorce wasn’t finalized till I was 5. Growing up my mother was very loving and supportive of me and my two biological brothers. However, my biological father chooses to drink, neglect us, and do some other not-so-very-good things.

When I was 10 my mother remarried my dad. He has shown me how a man should treat a woman and has been a great father to all of us kids.

Around the time I was 12, I completely cut my biological father out of my life.

I no longer want to deal with him. My brothers still have I think good relationships ship with our biological father. Around the time I was 15, my brothers started to push me to give my biological father a second chance.

After saying no many times, I begrudgingly agreed to try and give him a second chance. We had awkward conversations and a few lunches. My biological father still didn’t seem interested in me like when I was younger. And was still doing things he did when I was a kid.

So our relationship has never gotten any better.

Since I turned 18 I’ve been wanting to change my last name to my dad’s last name. In fact, since I was 12 I’ve wanted my dad to adopt me. My family just didn’t have the and my biological father would never allow it.

Now that I am 20 and have a good-paying full-time job. I have been working towards this dream of mine to change my last name. I had been trying to keep it a secret but like any secret, it got out.

One of my brothers thinks what I am doing is good while the other thinks I am being a jerk. My biological father is also very unhappy and thinks I am being a jerk But I don’t feel like I am and I think my dad has been a better father to me than my biological father ever has been.


Another User Comments:

“NTJ. I’m sure your dad will be touched!

You might consider asking him if he’d like to adopt you. Adult adoptions are very simple because your bio dad doesn’t have to be involved at all – just you and your dad.

And your name can be changed as part of the same process.

Father’s Day is coming up. You could get the paperwork together and have it in a folder. Then ask him verbally or written in a Father’s Day card if he’d become your official dad by adopting you.

If he says yes, then after you both stop crying you can pull out the folder.” pupperoni42

Another User Comments:

“Never been in your position but to me, the person that raised you, comforted you, cuddled you, tucked you in at night, read you stories, took you to school, helped with your homework, attended piano recitals, violin lessons, tennis lessons, etc and came to your graduation is more of a parent than someone who has been absent for most of your life.

You clearly have a great deal of love and respect for the man you call ‘dad’. Considering the horror stories on this sub about blended families, it sounds like both of you are very lucky to be in each other’s lives.

Your brothers can make their own decisions but the opinion of one (and your bio father) does not override or outweigh your own thoughts about, and feelings for, your dad.

If changing your name would make you happy and being adopted by him would make you happier, it is your life to live so go ahead and do it.

You are not forcing this on your brother so he should keep his thoughts to himself.

NTJ and very good luck to you all.” Funkyzebra1999

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Being an adult, you can change your name to whatever you want.

Here, however, you seemingly have great reasons to choose one dad’s name over another. It would be great to get support from all sides, but that looks like it’s not happening. So, you just do you, and don’t look back.

You have to make yourself happy.” xxDMLxx

2 points - Liked by IDontKnow and Spaldingmonn

7. AITJ For Letting My Partner's Son Stay In My Son's Bedroom?


“Last month my partner and her 5-year-old son moved in with me.

I have 4 sons (27, 19, 16, 13) and a daughter (14). My house has 5 bedrooms with 3 rooms for the kids upstairs and a bedroom in the basement. I originally built a bedroom in the basement for my eldest son and then when he moved out it went to my next oldest. My 19 y.o son is now in his sophomore year of college in a different state.

Originally when he left for college my 16-year-old son begged for his brother’s room, but I told him no. All the kids had their own rooms upstairs and I wanted my son to still have a space to come back to.

He ended up living with me for almost all of the last summer as he was working nearby and was still with his high school partner.

My partner and I have been for around 1.5 years. She is a single mom and hasn’t been receiving any child support from her son’s father.

She has been struggling financially for as long as I’ve known her, and she refuses any time I try to help her financially. Recently I was able to convince her to move in with me so she can achieve her plans of going back to college.

To accommodate her son, I gave my 16-year-old the basement bedroom and gave his room to my partner’s son. I let my 19-year-old know in advance I was doing this and bought a pull-out couch for the den in the basement so that could be his space whenever he wants to stay at home.

I knew my son was upset about this because the basement has been his space for so long and he still visits home regularly.

As I was making over a bedroom for the 5-year-old, I decided to give all the bedrooms a makeover as it had been a while.

All the kids got new paint, some got new furniture, and some other decorative type things. My daughter sent him video/pics of some of the rooms and he replied back with something super passive-aggressive about me only giving the rooms a makeover now he’s moved out and my partner’s moved in.

I gave him a call to talk to him because I didn’t understand why he was so upset. He said some hurtful things about my partner (when he had previously liked her) and told me it felt like I was pushing him out of the house for good.

I tried to reason with him, but he wouldn’t listen. AITJ? He lives the majority of the year in a different state for college and is an adult, is it wrong for me to give away his bedroom?”

Another User Comments:


You acknowledged your son’s need to maintain a room at your home, and you communicated this to your 16-year-old, about the importance of your eldest son still having this space. Then without warning you turn around and kick him out of his room so that your young partner of only a year and a half can move in.

So your son’s needs were only important when they didn’t impact your love life?

Effectively for 3 months of the year, your son no longer has a home, he has to sofa surf. You didn’t even make arrangements for him to have an actual bed. What is that about?

What happens when he finishes his education before he gets his first job, is he not welcome in your home? I mean he is no longer welcome at weekends or over summer – can’t see the 16-year-old welcoming him and his partner into his space because you put a sofa in there.

You’re entitled to your life, but the way you went about this is horrible. Is your new partner worth damaging the relationship with all your kids – I doubt your other three kids are impressed at the treatment of their brother.” Ok-Macaron-6211

Another User Comments:

“YTJ. Your son is only 19. Yes, he’s at college, but your house is still his home, his safe harbor, where he comes for the summer and extended breaks. His bedroom symbolizes that. You’ve essentially kicked him out, in his mind.

He no longer has a room there, so it’s not his home, he’s sleeping on a couch, so he’s ‘just a guest’. He will not feel comfortable or welcome on extended visits anymore. If you had waited until he graduated college, and got his first real job, my judgment would be different, but he’s still a kid.

I feel sad for him because I am positive he’s hurting from this. He insulted your partner because he’s lashing out at the person he perceives is the cause of him being displaced, but soon enough he’ll recognize that the blame is all yours, and it will be a rift in your relationship.

Good luck, OP. Not sure how you are going to fix this with him. (for what it’s worth, I have a son the same age so I do have some idea of how they think and how much they value ‘home’).” maidenmothercrone333

Another User Comments:

“He didn’t move away. He’s in college. He’s not ‘visiting’ home, he’s coming home. And now he’s coming home to a couch because you want to move in with a woman who is nearly the age of your oldest son.

It’s ok to blend families, but never at the expense of your own children. If you wanted her to live with you so badly, you build another bedroom in the basement or give up your own room and sleep on the couch.

You have made sure that he will never have a positive relationship with your partner or your son, and probably have seriously diminished his relationship with you as well. Great job not thinking with your head. YTJ.” Tacos_and-tequila

-2 points (2 vote(s))

User Image
mima 1 year ago
Don't listen to anyone here, you are not the jerk. He no longer lives with you so no his room should not sit empty. You have you own life to live.
4 Reply
View 2 more comments

6. AITJ For Letting My Youngest Daughter Pay More For Her College?


“My wife and I have 3 daughters, 27, 25, and 18. Our oldest two are ours biologically, and we adopted our youngest at age 7 after my sister passed. My in-laws were pretty comfortable financially and set up college savings accounts for our oldest two daughters when they were born.

My parents and her mother and I contributed to these accounts as well, but mainly my wife’s parents. The problem is that my wife’s parents passed before we adopted our youngest daughter, and therefore they did not set up a fund for her.

My wife and I created one for her when we adopted her, but with less time and without my in-laws’ help.

When our oldest daughter went to college, she was able to cover 3 years of her education and took out loans for the remaining year.

With our second daughter, she went to community college before transferring to a state school so her savings covered it but ended up taking loans out toward her graduate degree a few years later. My wife and I have not signed on to any of our children’s loans and have not paid for them.

We told our girls that we would only be able to supplement their education from the beginning so it wasn’t a shock.

However, now that it is my youngest daughter’s turn to go to college, her savings will only cover a year of school, maybe 3 semesters.

Recently she asked us about loans and it seemed she was implying we would take them out. We let her know that wasn’t the case, and she confirmed our suspicions by getting angry at us and saying it wasn’t fair she would have to pay so much more than her siblings.

We seem to be at a standstill now, with her refusing to speak to us unless we agree to take out at least part of what she needs, and us refusing. Are we the jerks here?

Edit: The oldest two had roughly 40k in their accounts and our youngest has 25k.

Both of our oldest daughters went to our state school which was only around 12k/yr, and our youngest is going to a private school that costs around 18k a year.”

Another User Comments:


However, it likely feels very unfair to her, and to some extent it is.

However, the world is full of people who don’t have the to do what they want. It sucks that a college is so oppressively expensive, but there are lower-cost alternatives.

I had to take out loans, couldn’t join a frat, had to work, etc. It blows.

Having rich parents would be nice, but not all of us are so blessed.

I think it’s reasonable for you to help some if you can. Provide housing, food, etc. if possible. There are options.” RandomizedNameSystem

Another User Comments:


Nothing you’ve written here shows a jerk move on your or your wife’s part. Sometimes life isn’t fair. If she was your bio kid and you had her after your wife’s parents passed away, you also wouldn’t have had additional saved in a 529.

There are ways she can reduce how much she pays (like what your second daughter did) and it sounds like you’ve been honest with her from the get-go about what you have saved. She can get scholarships, work, and get loans.

Honestly, it sounds like you’re treating her exactly how you treated your other kids.

Sit down with her to talk. Listen to her feelings. Be nice. Remind her that you love her, and offer to help draft a plan for her to be the most stable she can financially.” honey-smile

Another User Comments:


Your older two got a huge benefit from their very generous bio grandparents. That was a wonderful gift that they received.

Your youngest unfortunately did not receive such a gift. I can see why she’s a bit jealous, but they were not her grandparents (biologically or through adoption), she really can’t expect anything from them.

I feel bad for your youngest, to be sure, but she demands that you give her something to match a third party’s gift is completely unreasonable. She’s got a lot of maturing to do.” JsCTmav

0 points (0 votes)

User Image
mima 1 year ago
Ntj my grandma out thousands away for my 5 kids but died before my last two so they didn't have accounts. Life's not equal or fair. Tell her to go to a community college.
1 Reply
View 1 more comment

5. AITJ For Calling The Pharmacist A Coward?


“My brother has cancer and is in hospice.

He had 6 mo to live and I take care of him. He is on a lot of meds that are required to be given in 2-week allotments as they are controlled. He has to have a steady supply of these meds and can’t run out lest he goes through withdrawal and bad pain due to cancer.

For weeks, my pharmacy has been sloppy about filling these meds in a timely manner. It makes my brother nervous as he knows what happens if he runs out and he rarely has any extra.

This week his scripts were called in but 4-6 hours later the pharmacy closed and the meds weren’t filled. That night I got to watch him sweat, cry, and twist in pain in bed because he only had a fraction of his required medication left.

The next day, I made a few phone calls, I found out from one of the pharmacy techs that ‘someone just got busy and didn’t get to it.’ This was concerning so I went there in person to get to the bottom of it.

When I got there only 3 of his 5 meds were filled and the pharmacist was at lunch. At this point I’m frustrated. ‘How long should my dying brother have to wait to have his meds filled that should have been filled yesterday?’

It becomes clear that the pharmacist is at their desk behind a shelf behind the cashier at the pickup window. I can hear the pharmacist mumbling the things I was saying. Cashier says, ‘I think the pharmacist can hear you.’ I replied, ‘I hope they can because they are too much of a coward to come right this wrong.’

I should not have said that and it only served to escalate the situation. But I stand by my assessment of the pharmacist dodging responsibility and refusing to take this seriously.

At this point, they come charging out from their desk and up to the counter and begin yelling at me and causing a much larger scene than I had ever begun to create.

The pharmacist basically just yells over me so I can’t get a word in. Then they storm off back to their desk. I am eventually told by the cashier that the missing 2 of 5 meds will be ready in approx 15 min and I thanked them.

I got back in line and waited.

As I am near the front of the line, I am confronted by two managers who want to speak with me. I am pulled aside and explain the situation to them. Basically, their only response was to tell me that they do $200k a week in business and stuff happens.

They also accuse me of being rude and abusive towards the pharmacist. I tell them that it is far ruder for this pharmacist to take such a nonchalant attitude with my dying brother’s meds that he can’t run out of than I had ever been by calling them out for doing so as this has been an ongoing issue.

Long story short, the managers cover for the pharmacist and stonewall me.

So, AITJ for getting frustrated and calling the pharmacist a coward for not accepting any accountability, or is the pharmacist at fault for continually being late with refills and making lame excuses?”

Another User Comments:

“As long as you weren’t cussing or threatening, and you did not take it out on the poor counter clerk, NTJ.

Pharmacies tend to be poorly staffed these days, between the global crisis and the fact that most belong to giant corporations that really don’t care, it is a difficult job and filled with stress.

But your complaint was legit, as far as your brother’s need, and they could definitely have worked a bit harder.

If this happens again, know that even a hospice patient will often be able to be admitted to the hospital overnight for pain control purposes.

They wouldn’t necessarily do any new surgeries or anything like that, but he could at least get proper pain relief until his outside meds get properly refilled.

You are a mensch, gender notwithstanding, for caring for your brother and having his back.

I wish you both peace and relief from pain and frustration. And if it happens again, consider calling 911 and taking him to ER for help with his pain. He should never be required to spend a night in pain and torment.” just_anotherflyboy

Another User Comments:

“YTJ. You’re taking your frustration out on someone else. The person is doing their job, overall. There are tons of people needing meds from a pharmacy. They can’t get to everyone always. If you want to be mad.

Then be mad that they are behind and may need more staffing support. You obviously love and worry for your dying brother but going around being a jerk to anyone that help your guys’ situation isn’t the way to go.

On top of that. How rude of you for berating someone for taking their lunch break. It might’ve been the only little break they had that day. Potentially not even getting to go to the break room and having to eat there.

You wouldn’t like it if you couldn’t eat in leave at your own job.” Beneficial-Idea-7161

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Switch pharmacies as soon as you can and absolutely put in a call to the general manager of the store.

If that doesn’t work, go higher to the regional and district managers. Keep escalating until someone does something about it.

Do any of your local news stations do those ‘Channel Nine on your Side’ types of segments? If so, call them and tell them that your pharmacy has repeatedly failed to fill a dying man’s medication.

When they have to explain this on camera, things might change.” cuddlemonkey_

Another User Comments:

“Everyone sucks here, to be honest.

Yes, the pharmacy should be faster about filling scripts but they fill them in the order they receive them.

When they get a large number of scripts to fill between new ones and refills, it takes time. With timing being of the essence, need to push the refills through several days BEFORE you run out vs the day before or off.

It is also entirely possible that the medicines your brother needs are ones that need to be ordered so they may not have them on hand. Any number of reasons why they weren’t filled that day.

You were out of line for creating a scene, they were out of line for contributing to it.

Yes, the situation sucks, and I do hope your brother gets the help he needs and beats cancer back (if possible).” User

-4 points (4 vote(s))

User Image
alohakat 1 year ago
I would walk up to the pharmacy counter, and ask (nicely) to speak to the pharmacist. When (if) the pharmacist comes forward, I would tell him/her, in a soft and unemotional voice, that the next time there was a lapse in my dying brother's medication, there would be two calls made: First call would be to an attorney, with a lawsuit for withholding necessary medication for a dying person (dereliction of duty IS a thing), the next call would be to every news media outlet in the local area. Television cameras and the possibility of the negative publicity that comes from not doing ONE'S JOB, THAT THEY ARE PAID TO DO, might get you fired as a customer, but I am sure that the notoriety that comes from getting put on blast for not caring will get that store, manager and pharmacist off their dead asses long enough to do their job. As far as mumbling in the background, I would tell the pharmacist to zip it unless he wanted something far worse than bad publicity to happen. NTJ.
5 Reply
View 4 more comments

4. AITJ For Wanting To Back Out Of Moving In With My Partner?


“My partner recently was accused of a felony charge of theft & forgery of money.

It’s false because the evidence doesn’t even show him stealing & simply because I know he isn’t a thief.

However, I’ve been battling with the idea for months of continuing to live in my own apartment by myself because it helps having my own space to call my own as I haven’t lived on my own for even a year yet.

But he got a plea deal for a year in jail suspended to 3 years supervised probation instead and $5K in fees… he struggles with money as it is so I have no idea how he’ll pay these fees… so AITJ for wanting to play it safe and continue living on my own and not move in with him even if it means us breaking up over it?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. If you aren’t comfortable with the idea of moving in with him, don’t. And the reasons don’t matter. Sounds like you were having second thoughts even before his legal troubles. Personally, I would not want someone to move in with me unless they were 100% all in on the idea.

If they do it grudgingly, that leads to resentment.” BlueRFR3100

Another User Comments:


You need to do what is best for you. While you should certainly support your partner, that doesn’t necessarily translate into putting yourself in a possibly questionable position to do so.

At the same time, your confidence in him ‘just not being a thief’ isn’t a solid platform. If he’s not great with money, it’s not a big stretch to steal. Have you actually seen the supposed evidence that doesn’t show him stealing anything?

And if so, if there is evidence that would exonerate him, why would he sign a plea deal instead of going to trial? That makes no sense to me, and I suspect someone (most likely your partner) is lying to you about the supposed evidence.

At the end of the day, you need to decide what is best for you, and what you are willing to deal with in the relationship. Those are decisions that only you can make and no one else has the right to judge.

ETA: he will have the entirety of his probation to pay off those fines. 5K over three years is approx. $139/month. Not necessarily easy in many cases, but doable. And if he needs more time, most court systems WILL work with him.” Briarrose1021

Another User Comments:

“NTJ… I think moving in with him and giving up your place would be a big mistake. If he is always struggling with money and now has a $5K fine chances are that he won’t be able to keep his place.

Also, you’ve been living on your own for less than a year. You should enjoy your own space and learn about yourself before living with someone else. Taking care of yourself is a good thing and what you should do.” Effective-Dog-6201

2 points - Liked by IDontKnow and leja2

User Image
mima 1 year ago
Obviously he is guilty
-3 Reply

3. WIBTJ If I Leave My Stepsons With Their Grandparents?


“When I married my wife she had two sons with her ex. They were 7 and 9. They are great kids and we have always gotten along. They treat me with respect and when their sister was born, they treated her like a full sibling.

Their biological father is a piece of work though. He is a perfect example of an absent dad. He shows up occasionally, showers his sons with gifts and affection, and then is gone for months.

To be exact, he has seen his sons exactly 14 days in the last year.

My wife and I had to kowtow to his whims though. She had a job opportunity in another state. She couldn’t take it though because his parents live here and that’s where he ‘lives.’

I’m still dealing with what I’m about to talk about so please forgive me if I have trouble articulating my feelings.

My wife passed away in November in a snowmobile accident and within a week his parents had gone to court to get the boys.

I’m not their legal guardian. My wife and I tried but he wouldn’t allow it and his parents were happy to help him mess with us.

It was fine when she was here but now it’s all screwed up. I can’t see them. They are staying with their grandparents. I wish my wife’s parents were alive to help me but they aren’t.

So my boys are not in their rooms. They are dropped off and picked up from school by their grandmother.

I have no rights to them at all. I have a lawyer but I don’t want to spend all my time on this. I’m broken right now and I’m lost.

I’m considering just leaving. My wife’s insurance policies paid off our house and left me okay financially.

I want to sell the house and move back to Illinois. My family is all there and I have no one here.

Would I be the jerk if I just leave? My daughter misses her mom and her brothers. I feel like I would be a jerk for taking her away from her brothers.

My parents and siblings want me back home. I just don’t feel like leaving the boys with these people. Their father literally stopped paying child support and had his parents take them the week she died. They were grieving and those people took them from their homes.

I want to fight for them but not exhaust my resources on them.”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. There’s nothing you can do right now, especially if the family is all working against you. I would suggest going home with your daughter and grieve.

Then see what you can do about custody of your daughter’s siblings. Maybe ask a close family member to look into legal counsel for you.

Explain to the boys very clearly what’s going on and which adults are responsible for this, they’re old enough to have a right to know what’s going on with their futures.

I am so, so incredibly sorry for your loss.” SirRabbott

Another User Comments:

“Please make sure the boys have the means to keep in touch with you – if they don’t have phones, get them phones and make sure they have your number.

Tell them, if you can find an opportunity, that you care about them and want them to stay with you, but you don’t have a legal way to do that. Perhaps you can tell the grandparents that you want to say goodbye to the boys so that they give you the chance to speak to them.

Also, you could write them each a heartfelt letter and make sure they know you still care about them. They lost their mother, and now they are losing the man who has been their father for all this time.

If the grandparents are that hostile to you, could you make some kind of arrangement with a neighbor that you will write to the boys via them?

You could give them permission to read the letters, to satisfy themselves that you are not doing anything wrong. Encourage your daughter to write to them as well.

I don’t think it would be wrong of you to leave, and return to your home state, so long as you do everything you can to ensure the boys know you still care about them.

Perhaps when you settle into your new home, you will gain the equilibrium to continue to fight for the boys. I wish you luck.

You’d only be the jerk if you turn your back on the boys.” YourLittleRuth

Another User Comments:


You’re grieving, you lost your partner, the mother of your daughter, and the mother of your stepsons.

Not only that, but you lost your stepsons too.

In the span of a week, you lost 3 people from your nuclear family.

This is going to sound heartless, but your priority is you and your daughter. I am no legal expert, but with how this family sounds and the info about your limited resources, they will drain you until you have nothing left.

As for the boys, you can see if you can say goodbye and explain things to them (don’t say anything negative about their father’s trash family tho), you could write letters explaining everything for them to get when they’re 18, I’m just spitballing and would recommend asking other subreddits plus your friends and family.” silfy_star

1 points - Liked by IDontKnow

User Image
alohakat 1 year ago
Go. Just go. Let the boys know EXACTLY why you are leaving (if you legally can) and just go. The trashy grandparents and do-nothing sperm donor will drain you until you HAVE to sell the house and leave you with nothing if they can. Sell the house now and just go before it gets worse. So sorry for you loss. NTJ....
3 Reply
View 2 more comments

2. AITJ For Giving My Stepson A Haircut?


“My husband and I have 3 sons together (2/4/5) and I have 2 stepsons (10/13). We have 50/50 custody.

I cut my kid’s hair myself and my stepsons get their haircut at a barber when their mom has custody, in the last few years my husband has occasionally taken them to get their haircut.

Wednesday afternoon I decided to give my 4 & 5-year-olds haircuts. The 10-year-old then asked if I would cut his hair too. His hair was currently shoulder length and he had been growing it for a while. He wanted me to give him a buzzcut.

I asked if he was sure and then texted his dad to make sure he was okay with it. My husband asked if I would wait till he came home so he could watch and record it. When he came home I shaved it and he was very happy with the result.

Yesterday his mom picked him up from school and saw his hair. She immediately called my husband and was mad about the haircut. Later in the evening, she messaged me on IG to have a go at me and say I had no right to cut her son’s hair without her permission and that it was a big change and I shouldn’t have allowed him to do it implosively.

I didn’t reply to her because I didn’t want to feed into any drama. I thought stepson was happy with his haircut and that’s all that really matters.

However, the more I think about it the more I’m unsure if she’s right.

If my son had a stepmom and came home from their house with a drastically different haircut I think I might have been upset too and possibly think that person crossed an unspoken boundary. AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Your stepson asked you to give him a buzzcut and you asked him if he was sure and got confirmation from his dad.

It sounds like your stepson was very happy with the result and that should be the most important thing. It’s understandable that his mom was upset, but it’s not like you made the decision without consulting anyone. You also didn’t feed into any drama, which is always a good thing.” The_IT_Dude_

Another User Comments:

“NTJ, the kid wanted his hair cut. Communication with his mom is on your husband, not you. I could see being a little taken aback as a mom and picking my kid with a drastically different hairstyle with no warning, but not something that should be shoved back at you.

Her beef is with her ex, not you.

Your husband could have warned her that their son was getting a cut, but ultimately it’s what the kid wanted. His hair, his choice. A haircut isn’t permanent, and if the kid regrets it later, it will eventually grow back.” Substantial_Rip_4675

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Son requested. Dad gave permission. It was a standard haircut. Nothing crazy, no hair dye or chemicals used. It doesn’t sound like there were any cultural/religious reasons for this to be a problem. If Dad had taken him to the barbershop instead it sounds like the outcome would be the same.

It will grow back, and a 10-year-old is old enough to make reasonable decisions about his appearance. It sounds like Mom was the only one who had an issue – which may or may not have anything to do with his choice to cut his hair short.” _gadget_girl

1 points - Liked by IDontKnow

User Image
Woogiesmom721 1 year ago
He is 10. Old enough to make his own decisions about his hair.
2 Reply
View 2 more comments

1. AITJ For Not Allowing My Ex To See My Dog?


“I (F42) was in a relationship with my ex (F39) for over 10 years. I got my dog (M11) over 11 years ago.

My dog and I had each other for nearly a year before my ex came into our lives.

My ex, my dog, and I all lived together for 9 years and we existed as a family unit until about 8 months ago when my ex blindsided me with a breakup.

My dog and my ex love each other dearly. When I was in a relationship with my ex we would definitely refer to the dog as our dog. We split most of his costs evenly.

Throughout our relationship, I told my ex she would/could continue seeing my dog regardless of whether we were in a relationship unless she really screwed me over.

This wasn’t meant as a threat, more like, if my ex does something that means it isn’t healthy for me to be in contact with her then she would also not be in contact with my dog. I told her my dog and I were a package deal.

During our relationship, I regularly confided in my ex about my boss (F55) who bullied me for years until I eventually left my workplace of 10 years to escape the mistreatment/tend to stress-related health issues enhanced by the bullying.

My ex is close with other people from my workplace who have also been bullied by the same person.

Since my ex and I broke up she has had regular contact with my dog, he would visit her and have multi-night sleepovers. When she didn’t see him I would text her photos and videos of my dog every day and would provide updates on his activities, health, and mischievous adventures.

About a month ago my ex told me she is seeing my old boss/bully. I am devastated, no longer trust her and feel completely betrayed. My health issues flare whenever I have to be in contact with my ex meaning if we arrange for her to have my dog I become emotionally and physically unwell on pick up and drop off and in between.

I’ve told her I need one month of no contact but honestly, I don’t know if I ever want to see her or think about her ever again. I have been updating my dog’s Instagram daily so my ex can still see him because I know how distressed she would be to not see him and because I feel guilty.

I might be the jerk because my dog and my ex love each other and I’m keeping them apart.

A friend is telling me I’m being vindictive and punishing my ex by not letting her see my dog.

My ex is pushing back against my request for one month of no contact so she can see my dog. AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ, you’re not obligated to show her your pet and I think she showed her true colors when she started someone who bullied you and at that she knows others who have been bullied by the same person, how are you gonna trust her if she’s going out with a known bully?

I agree with you about going low contact, keeping yourself at peace, and her pressuring you. Does she know boundaries? You signed the papers to get the dog, that’s your dog, you decide who you want around you and your dog.” HALOTed

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Your ex has no right to demand to see your pet, and you do not have a moral obligation to facilitate it either.

Being around your ex negatively affects your health. So, there’s really nothing wrong with telling her no.

I can’t imagine being with someone for years. Then breaking up with that person before starting to date their bully. Oh and also expecting them to facilitate my desire to see their pet.

You don’t need that in your life OP.

Just tell her, no, you’re no longer comfortable being around her, and the dog is yours.” HammerOn57

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Never speak to your ex again and block her. I hate to think what she’s saying about you to your former bully now and I don’t want her to weaponize anything against you with all that contact.

Is your dog registered for you only? Make sure to update the chip or get your dog chipped. Also, update the veterinarian that she’s to not have any contact and remove her from the contact list too.” queenlegolas

5 points - Liked by IDontKnow, lebe, Mewhoelse and 2 more

User Image
mima 1 year ago
Ntj cut her out of your life.
4 Reply
View 3 more comments

Although we all have a tendency to respond badly to unfavorable circumstances, did these people go too far? You decide who you believe to be the jerk! Upvote, downvote, and comment on your favorite stories by signing up for a Metaspoon account. Click Log In at the top right corner of this page to get started. (Note: Some stories have been shortened and modified for our audiences)