People Ask For Advice On Their Arguable "Am I The Jerk?" Stories
30. AITJ For Lashing Out At My Husband After He Confronted My Stepdaughter About Adoption?
“I’m a 36F and my husband is a 40M. I have two kids from a previous relationship, and he has three kids from a previous marriage. We share a year-old daughter. My husband’s previous wife died over eight years ago. Last Christmas his children asked me to adopt them.
I was all for it but I wanted to see what his daughter (15) thought about it since she’s had a tough year. She was very close to her mother and to this day struggles with her death. The kids are in routine therapy so I just wanted to know how she would feel about it, given the last months she’s really been in a bad head space.
Coming from a daddy’s girl, who also lost her father at a young age, sometimes we’re not good at accepting change, even when we say we are. Though she said she was still on board, I wanted to ask her one on one.
She expressed to me that she had a change of heart. She felt as if I was replacing her mother. It hurt, but I understood, and I explained to her that I was in no way trying to replace her mother.
I explained to my husband that I think we should wait on the adoption, or I just adopt the boys. He wanted to know why, and I explained to him the talk she and I had. He said fine.
I came home to my stepdaughter locked up in her room upset.
All the kids were more than quiet, and I wanted to know why because our home is rarely quiet, especially with six kids in the home! I’m used to coming home to a noisy house! I found my sons down in the basement playing their games and asked why everyone was so quiet.
He said that my husband and stepdaughter had a big blow-up about me adopting them. I immediately got mad.
I confronted my husband and asked him why did he confront her? He said because she lied and changed her mind. That she needs to accept that her mother is gone.
I cursed him out. I told him he wouldn’t understand if he never lost a parent! That she feels lost. She may even be depressed. This would be something new for her. I told him she would never get over losing her mother.
I was furious he even responded that way. He said he didn’t mean it that way, but I told him the damage was done. That he should be comforting her instead of being confrontational. He told me I was crossing boundaries telling him how to deal with his child.
I told him our child, before flipping him off along with a few other choice words, which were probably wrong.
I begged and pleaded with my stepdaughter until she opened the door. I told her we didn’t have to talk and that I just wanted to be near her, and I apologized for her father’s behavior.
She cried a little, there were lots of hugs, and we talked about it. Though she and I are good, she still hasn’t spoken to my husband in days and neither have I. Now his family is taking his side.
(My husband is a Marine and can be harsh in his communicative delivery, which is no exception! I’ve had to explain to him that we’re not his soldiers but his family.)”
29. AITJ For Telling My Mom She Can Forget About Seeing Her Grandkid Ever Again?
“So, my wife and I have a newborn, who is breastfed.
My wife hates confrontation, she never stands up for herself. She won’t argue with anyone…..ever, I mean ever. She will let you walk all over her and then apologize to you.
It used to be infuriating because she’s the sweetest soul and she just lets people say what they want and she doesn’t deserve it but after talking there is a good reason behind it so we are working together on how to fix this.
Well, one thing she always felt afraid of, not because she didn’t want to but because she knew it caused confrontation, was breastfeeding anywhere but the house or in a bathroom or closet and we will keep a blanket.
It took a lot of explaining but unless she is uncomfortable with breastfeeding out, there is no reason to hide in a bathroom.
Well, we are at my mother’s house, I don’t have the best relationship with her but my wife thinks it’s important and I enjoy talking to my dad. So we were over with the baby chatting with my father and my mother cooking.
As they were talking she started feeding.
Baby was eating and the blanket covered her slightly. Dad has six kids he couldn’t give less of a crap, he looked away for a moment so she could get situated and engaged back in conversation without any issue.
My mother comes in, gasps, and goes on a rant. She said that that is disgusting and that if she was to do that she should’ve gone home, especially in front of her husband, who apparently “looks uncomfortable” and it’s rude to do it when you know people around you don’t like it.
Dad cut her off saying to keep him out of it and feeding a baby wasn’t his issue. She ignored, continued ranting saying that she needed to respect herself more and don’t ever do that in her house again.
I stopped her, I said that she needed to get lost and get over herself she had six kids who she undoubtedly did the same thing with and this was just her way of taking her anger out but she’s not going to do it on her.
I said that she was being a hypocritical jerk and that this is the last time she’s seeing my wife or our baby. This happened once and not going to happen again.
Then she said she was just in a bad mood and she’s so sorry she took it out on her and she’s welcome to do that whenever she needs to.
I told her she shoulda thought about that before. Then went to my wife who mid rant left to the bathroom in hysterics but didn’t want to interrupt the baby’s eating. We sat in the bathroom for a little while until the baby was done, and she stopped crying.
We left, my dad said I was being more reasonable than he would have, mom sent me tons of messages, family is telling me I was being dramatic and that it wasn’t that serious and I was being entirely unreasonable and if my wife was that hurt by it she needed to grow ‘thicker skin.’
She didn’t even actually have an issue, she was just being mean. I think I was right to do what I did.
But AITJ?”
28. AITJ For Not Wanting To Help My Sister Fund Her Wedding?
“My sister (26F) left me and my mother during my parents’ divorce when she was around 15. Neither my father nor her helped us when my mother was very ill so in my books they are strangers.
My sister came to the funeral but I had to arrange everything and she didn’t even stay the night with me.
She had been in contact with our mother once or twice a year other than holidays. When my mom was alive she sent her presents and tried to make amends with her but it was all in vain. Once she got very ill, she told me she forgives her but she is very upset that she never even visited or said anything nice about her being ill, even though she knew.
She left my sister some money but most of it went to me. I think this is fair because I was the only one that stuck with her and took care of her.
My sister called me a few weeks ago to tell me that she was getting married, I didn’t even know she was engaged, and she wanted me to come to where she lives so we can spend her last few single weeks together.
I went last week because I am really lonely and I would love to be close to my family. She promised I would not have to see my father while I was there because I am angry at him about recent and previous events.
I went there and she had prepared me a room, which I thought was really nice. But three days ago my father dropped in and he tried to have a conversation with me about how my mother was suffocating him and he had no responsibility towards her and I should just put the past behind.
I was obviously quite angry but I just ignored it because my sister and I were having a nice time together. Then yesterday she told me she used what our mother has left her for wedding and honeymoon expenses but she was yet to pay for her dress and the caterer as she was out of money.
She took me to a fitting to show me the dress, an extremely expensive dress, and the catering is for 200 people. All of it comes to an insane amount of money.
I told her I could afford it but I wasn’t sure because it is a lot of money and she could get help from someone else.
She got annoyed at me and told me I have to do this because our mother’s money is both our money and if she knew she wanted all of this, she would have given her more than the miserable amount she left her.
I told her the money she left was fair considering they hadn’t seen each other in about 11 years and she owed nothing to her, that she could have left her nothing and it would be fair.
She called my mother a sensitive jerk and told me she should have just gotten over it.
Yeah, no, I told her I don’t give a crap about her wedding and I will not pay a single dime for that occasion.
She started yelling like mad and told me I am being unfair and siding with a dead woman who cannot get over the past.
I left there, gathered my stuff and now I’m at a hotel, waiting to go home tomorrow.
I know my mother was right about what she left but am I in the wrong for not giving the money?”
27. AITJ For Asking My Niece To Move Away From My Baby?
“I (19f) just had my first baby in March, before he was even born I told both of our families that everyone would be required to wear masks and the kids needed to keep their distance. Three days after I had my son, my sister (29) who I had not spoken with for almost 2 years, (she was in a DV relationship) texted me and we’ve been talking every day.
She now has 3 kids (5,3,1) and they are insane. Every time they come over they destroy my house, eat all my food and my sister does nothing. Just sits there on her phone texting, while I chase her kids all over my house so they don’t completely destroy it.
But what really did it was memorial day, I had already told my mom I would be there, and even though I really didn’t feel like going I forced my husband to go because it would be the first holiday with my whole family in almost 3 years.
So when we arrive I can already tell it’s gonna be a crap show, I can hear her screaming at her kids before we even get out of the car, so I just take a minute to mentally prepare myself for the 3 hours of overstimulation.
When we get inside it’s chaos, you can barely see the floor, the kids are running around in diapers, the dog is barking and the baby just started crying because he was hungry. So I make him a bottle and my mom takes him.
So then I go outside to see how my husband is handling the situation. Come to find out the grill is out of propane, so we all pack inside the house to the best of our abilities to discuss plans and see who is going to go get the tank refilled.
When I get inside I immediately look for the baby, my mom had put him back in his car seat and was talking and playing with him and my 3 yo niece was right behind her. So I kindly asked her if she could give him space because I knew she loved the baby and liked to say hi but I didn’t want her too close because bigger kids are literally always sick.
Especially daycare kids. My mom and sister both lost their crap.
My mom is telling me that she’s not even near the baby and I’m being overdramatic. My sister tells me I’m a witch and that she hates the way I talk to her kids and that if I’m going to be like this I can leave.
I tried defusing the situation by saying that I asked her kindly to give him space before she got too close so I don’t have to worry about it and she goes on to say it’s not a big deal and nothing is going to happen.
To which I respond you don’t know that kids can have bugs without symptoms especially if they got it within the last couple of days. She just gets even more mad and tells me to leave. So we packed everything up, went home, and had a nice peaceful dinner at home. It has been 2 weeks and I haven’t heard from my mom or my sister and I am honestly much happier and so is my husband because we haven’t had any drama or psycho kids to deal with.”
26. AITJ For Refusing To Drive My Wife And Kids To The Beach?
“I’m 36M with two kids below the age of 10. My wife (36F) and I work full-time. My wife is the breadwinner but my recent promotion puts me closer to her income. I have been doing 98-100% of all the cooking, cleaning, errands, and kid stuff since 2020, prior to that it was closer to 50/50.
My wife is very much the planner, I am more the execution. I do nearly all of the driving for my family because my wife “just hates driving,” and we live in a big city.
Two kids with activities, I’m driving a lot and spent the entire day Sat.
driving around in the city, shuttling, and running errands. It’s exhausting.
Yesterday, on Father’s Day, my wife during breakfast: “I want to take the kids to the beach (~1hr drive one way, no traffic) to see the really low tide.”
Me: “I personally don’t want to do that, but you’re more than welcome to take the kids if you want.
I’d really like to relax.”
You’d have thought I just murdered our dog in front of her.
Wife: “What?! What do you mean I can take the kids, you want me to do that by myself? How dare you! Why can’t you be accommodating to something I want to do today?”
Me: “I’m not stopping you from going, I just don’t want to do that today.
It’s a long drive and I really don’t feel like doing that since I drove all day yesterday. If you want to take the kids go for it.”
It’s 9 am. So far all I’ve done is wake up get told I need to make coffee and get breakfast started.
I’ve made no plans, and have not been asked what I want to do for the day.
Wife: “I can’t believe you would do this. I can’t believe you’d tell me to take them by myself!”
Me: “Then don’t..go? I guess?”
She then left the table, explained she had work to do then shut herself in her office for the next few hours.
I took that time to clean out said car, during which she came out and demanded an apology from me for telling her she “couldn’t do what she wanted to do today.”
Me: “No, I didn’t stop you from doing anything.”
Wife: “Why didn’t you offer a different suggestion of what to do if you didn’t want to do that!?”
Me: “Why should I have offered a different activity when I wasn’t stopping you from doing the one you wanted in the first place?”
This argument continued until 2 am when I finally lost my temper and said “this stupid argument and your attitude completely ruined my Father’s Day.”
Which helped nothing.
She lashed out with “how could you say that after all I did for you today! I spent so much time planning and doing all this for you!”
To clarify “all of this” was: Left me to make the breakfast because she “had to run a quick 30-minute errand”, told me she was going to cancel movie tickets she bought for herself, her father, and me because I didn’t want to drive her to the beach, ignored me through dinner with her parents, and continued the argument into the night and early morning.
OH and if you are wondering. This beach time did not contain any sort of surprise or anything, she literally just wanted to go to the water and “hang out.””
25. AITJ For Kicking My Cousin Out After He Invited A Guy I Don't Like Into My House?
“So I live close to a lake. Like walking distance close. My cousin Will called me about a month ago and asked if he could come out here and stay with me for a week and do some fishing. I get along with Will so I agreed, but told him that he would have to entertain himself during the day because I work.
I have 2 jobs, one is Monday-Friday and I bartend on Saturdays and fill in sometimes after work. I like my bartending job for the most part, it’s easy pay and people are nice.
Except there’s this guy, Evan, he’s always asking me to hang out and won’t take a hint.
Literally every Saturday “hey we should hang out tomorrow” and says whatever we should do. I haven’t done anything to show interest and have been short with him if anything. He just keeps bugging me though. I don’t know if he’s looking for friendship or more but I’m not interested in either.
Will came here Monday and was going to leave on Sunday. Everything was going well, he’d go fishing or find something to do while I was working and then we’d hang out after I got off.
One of the first nights he was here we went to the bar I work at and got burgers.
Evan was there and of course came up and talked to me and met Will. When he walked away I told Will that he annoys me and how he keeps bugging me to hang out.
Apparently, Will went there for lunch and it was only him, Evan, and the bartender so he and Evan started talking about fishing and really got along.
So they planned to hang out Wednesday.
I said fine whatever I don’t care but I don’t want to be around him. Will said, “well look at it this way maybe he’ll leave you alone now.”
I got off early yesterday and came home.
When I walked into my apartment Will and Evan were both on my couch playing my Xbox.
Will jumped up right away and said that they were going to go fishing but it was supposed to rain so he figured they’d come here.
I told Evan he needed to leave. Then I yelled at Will and asked why the heck he would bring that weirdo over here.
Will said, “just because you don’t like him doesn’t mean I can’t, I didn’t think you’d be home and I would have made him leave before you got home so you didn’t have to deal with him.”
I said, “you can hang out with whoever you want but that doesn’t mean you bring him here, now he knows where I live.”
He kept apologizing but I was too angry and I told him he should go home.
I guess his mom (my aunt) called my dad and my dad called me and said Will made a mistake, he’s young (22) and didn’t know that I didn’t want Evan in my house because I never explicitly said it. Then he said I shouldn’t have made him go home because of a misunderstanding.
I didn’t think I had to tell him not to invite Evan over. I thought it was common sense don’t invite someone your host doesn’t like to their house…duh?
For the record I’m not afraid of Evan or anything, I’d be just as mad if it was a woman that annoyed me and Will had them over.
AITJ for kicking him out?”
24. AITJ For Winning Prom Queen And Dressing Better Than My Brother's Partner?
“I (18F) have an older brother (19M). He and I were always close due to the short age gap. We were close up until last year when he started seeing his partner (now 20F) who was a senior a year older.
While he and I stayed close, it was never the same. I tried my best to get along with her but she didn’t seem to like me very much. I knew this because I’d constantly hear her referring to me as a “white witch”.
She is black, I am white. I didn’t get offended and just assumed that maybe she had a bad experience with someone my skin color before, so I just tried my best to seem really really friendly so she would warm up to me because I really did like her, she was really cool and seemed funny and I loved her style.
But I gave up once my brother told me she thought I was being fake, still tried to be nice to her but stayed out of her way.
Now, two days ago prom came around. I was really excited and I was going with my partner (18M).
My brother told me he and her would go together as she didn’t get to go to prom last year. Honestly, if anything I was really excited to see what she would wear as I knew she would look really pretty, so I tried my best to try to overdress a bit so I could maybe get her to like my outfit.
I looked good and I was really proud of myself. Day of when I saw her I thought she looked stunning and I complimented her but she just half smiled at me and looked away. I didn’t speak to her after that.
Long story short that night I won prom queen.. The next day, I woke up, and when I got downstairs my brother was ignoring me. I was confused and asked him what was wrong and he just frowned at me, with a little more pushing he told me his partner had stormed out of prom last night when I won.
He told me she broke down crying because she felt that I had outdressed her on purpose and said that she said that I was lucky she didn’t have any money to afford a better gown. He told me she called me every name under the sun and accused me of being racist, I asked him how and he said it was weird that I was so dressed up when I always dressed like an “ugly tomboy”.
I swore to him up and down that it was never my intention. He just rolled his eyes and walked off. I texted her myself and sent her a text apologizing, telling her that it was never my intention and asked if I had ever done anything that came off as racist to please check me.
She wrote back a paragraph about how she is a minority and a white jerk like me is always trying to upscale her. I apologized and told her that if she wanted we could meet up to talk about it, her answer was just her telling me off
It was never my intention to out-dress her.
I’ve been trying to get my brother to bring her flowers from me but he’s refusing. I told my partner and he scoffed and told me I’m allowing myself to be manipulated into thinking I’m a bad person. My partner is a black man, so I think he would know, but at the same time, I still feel horrible. AITJ?”
23. AITJ For Getting My Mom Involved After The Disastrous Stay With My Sister?
“My (31F) mom (57F) and my sister (38F) have always had a much closer relationship than my mom and I had. I was raised by my dad and raised as an only child for the most part (my siblings and I all have different dads).
My job shut down and my fiance and I were forced to relocate while I was 6 months pregnant. My sister offered for us to stay with her and we gratefully accepted. We immediately got new jobs in the new location.
Every paycheck we would give my sister money for the bills in addition to putting food in the common kitchen. On top of that, they didn’t cook so we cooked for everyone, and they were using our only car at least 4 times a day (they put 70,000 miles on it in 5 months) without offering gas or compensation.
We were grateful for the place to stay, so we didn’t say anything. A little backstory on my sister: she dropped out of school, got married at 17, had niece S at 19, niece H at 21, and niece N at 23.
She went to jail a few times for stealing (a LOT!) and substances. All the nieces dropped out of school. Niece S got pregnant by a 27-year-old when she was 17 and had baby A (1F). She then proceeded to leave the baby with her mom, who told Niece H she could stay out of school to help with the baby.
My sister and all my nieces do nothing but smoke and take pills (yes, even the minors). They regularly sleep over at their partner’s place and their mom doesn’t want to put them on birth control bc she’s scared of seizures.
None of them have a job. Anyway…
My bday came around. I woke up and wanted pizza, so I made pizza and ate it. I didn’t share. Then I hear sis yelling about how it’s wrong that I ate in front of her “starving” kids.
So I go ask her why her kids can’t fix their own food. It turned into a crap show and my fiance and I ended up leaving after sis let Niece H threaten our lives. Over pizza…
We left. Days later, my mom tells me that Sis is saying we stole all of Baby A’s formula when we left.
Somehow it magically didn’t get brought up the day of the “theft”. I saw red, bc never in a million years would we have taken anything, much less BABY FORMULA! Also came out that she claimed we never gave her a dime for staying there.
My mom wants it all swept under the rug. I brought up to my mom that I was still angry and she got mad at me, saying she just wants all her kids to get along. Then I told her I don’t trust her to have my best interests at heart bc she treats everyone the same regardless of how they act, and that as long as she continues to support my sister without holding her accountable I don’t count her as a safe person. Now she’s not speaking to me.
AITJ?”
22. AITJ For Not Continuing My Late Mom's Tradition With My Step Siblings?
“My mom died when I was 10 and my two little sisters were 5 and 6. Mom made a memory book for each of us when we were born. It has stuff like photos, letters to us, quick notes about those memories, stuff like hair and drawings we made.
Mine is obviously longer than theirs. So I wrote small letters and notes and saved photos for my sisters after my mom died. I never added them. I decided it should be up to them whether they wanted them added or if they wanted the book to remain a memory of mom alone, and not be touched by someone else.
They chose to add what I wrote and saved for them.
I’m now expecting my first child and I already started collecting for my son’s book. This has become a touchy point. My dad remarried about 3 years after my mom died.
He’s got two stepkids who were 2 and 4 when their mom married my dad, and I have a half-brother from my dad and his wife as well. I have been asked why I didn’t suggest we do it for them or why I didn’t take the initiative like I did for my sisters.
Now that I am continuing it with my son, the topic has come up again. I spoke to my dad and his wife and I was honest. That the tradition was started by my mom and for that reason I didn’t want to extend it to my stepfamily.
I said I chose to not push the continuation on my sisters but saved for theirs if they chose to add it. But my son is my child and it feels right to do it with him.
My dad’s wife isn’t happy.
She wanted her kids to be seen as more than stepfamily, and she wants to be seen as more, and she said my stepsiblings are hurt. They found out I continued writing and saving photos for both my sisters’ books when they saw them placing the letters, notes, and photos in their books and they asked my sisters about what they were doing.
My sisters told them the truth.
My dad understands why I didn’t. It makes him a little sad that I don’t think of them in a certain way, but he gets it. His wife told me the other day that the very least I could have done is tell her about it and let her do it if I wasn’t going to. She said I was 13 when she married my dad and old enough to consider the feelings of much younger children. She said I should especially understand it now as an expectant mom.
AITJ?”
21. AITJ For Not Being Excited When My Son And His Partner Announced They're Pregnant?
“I have been getting a lot of mixed opinions from family and friends on this topic.
Recently I had a family get-together at my house. My husband and I host these get together once a month to catch up with family and our close friends over a shared meal.
There is usually around ten of us and we are all very close. This past get-together my son “L” brought his partner “S” of a year with him. I never had any problems with my children bringing their partners to these get together.
I have never really liked S, but I try not to allow that to affect my son’s relationship with her as it isn’t my place. My husband also doesn’t have the best views of S. We have our reasons for our dislike of her.
S is often rude and causally says rude things about other family members. She doesn’t clean up after herself and moves furniture in my home while she is here. I wouldn’t mind that as much but my SIL is blind so this causes some problems.
She makes remarks about my daughter’s struggles with fertility, which has been causing my daughter a lot of emotional pain. Along with just being a jerk to my daughter in general.
She also mistreats L, often yelling at him, belittling, and gaslighting him.
She scolds him like he is a child over things like him not doing enough chores at their apartment. She is unemployed and lives at his apartment while he works long hours. Overall not a pleasant person. I have tried to explain to my son that the way she treats him is unacceptable and that they should honestly break up.
A few weeks ago S kicked my son out of his own apartment over an argument. He said he was through with her and I thought that was the last of it.
This past get together S was there with L. I didn’t press or ask questions as it wasn’t my business.
After the main course while everyone was relaxing and chatting at the dining table S and L stood up saying they had news. S had recently found out she was pregnant. Everyone congratulated the two, while my stomach sank. I could tell something was off with L as well.
He had always wanted kids but he didn’t look excited.
S began talking about how excited we must be to finally after so long be having our first grand baby. My daughter looked upset but still congratulated her. My husband and I just stayed quiet.
We quietly congratulated our son who looked miserable before bringing out dessert.
Recently I have been getting a lot of angry texts from S saying how disappointed she was in us for not being over the moon about our first grandbaby. And how we didn’t seem all too thrilled.
She accused us of hating her and being racist towards the mother of our grandchild (I am not white) and how we would have no contact with her or L until we apologized.
A couple of friends and family have said I should have just sucked it up, but I don’t think I was in the wrong. I’m worried about L who I haven’t heard from since the get-together.
So AITJ?”
20. AITJ For Telling My Mom That Her House Responsibilities Don't Fall On Me?
“My (21F) mom (51F) and I have a really hard time getting along. We have had a rocky relationship for the past few years, and it just doesn’t seem to get any better. I moved out, started living in an apartment in a different city, and began attending college at 18.
I live about 2 hours away from my hometown during the school year, and I’m currently spending the summer in another city with my partner (21M), which is also 2 hours away. My sister (19F) and my dad (56M) both live at home with her.
I was originally going to stay at school over the summer but switched around my schedule so I would have the summer off. I found a job that was perfect in the city where my partner and I live.
I told my mom, and she was incredibly upset with me.
She is renting a condo on the beach (she had arranged this while everyone was still under the impression that I would not be home this summer), and is never at the house. She assumed that since I had the summer off, I would be home to take care of our two dogs.
I was confused, as she had made her plans with the fact that I wouldn’t be available in mind. Not to mention that I never live at her house full time, and don’t feel that I should be responsible for anything there.
However, I made an arrangement with her that I would drive the two hours to go home on Fridays and drive back up on Sunday nights so that I could help my sister with taking care of the dogs and my father could visit my mom at the condo.
Fast forward to this past week. My mother asked if I could come home Thursday night instead of Friday morning so I could watch the dogs and my dad could go to the condo early. I work on Thursdays and didn’t want to work my entire shift, pack, and then drive two hours to get there.
So I told her that I really didn’t want to, and would only do it if it was truly necessary.
My mother was furious and said that I was not fulfilling my duty as a member of the family. She said that she does everything for me and I can’t do this one little thing for her.
She then tries to guilt me into doing it, saying how my father will be so bummed that he can’t go on Thursday night instead of Friday morning. I reminded her that he didn’t really have obligations where he absolutely had to leave Thursday, and it would be much easier if we could just go with the original plan.
She became even angrier.
I blew up on her and said that these responsibilities shouldn’t fall on me, as I don’t live there. That address is not on my phone bill, credit card bill, or anything like that. She was so hurt that I said that and told me that I was not her daughter anymore. I was so mad at her, but think I may have overreacted and should’ve just sucked it up and not gotten so angry. I want my boundaries to be clear, and I don’t think she understands. AITJ?”
19. AITJ For Celebrating My Daughter's Birthday At A Restaurant Her Stepsister Didn't Want Us To Go To?
“I f36 married Jeff m39 2 years ago. He has a daughter (Alicia – 16) from his previous marriage and I have a daughter (Morgan – 12) from my previous marriage as well.
Alicia isn’t close to me nor Morgan and she always has something to be upset about.
For example, when Morgan and I moved in with her and Jeff, she tried to control where we can & can’t go. What areas I was allowed to redecorate and put my furniture in, what room Morgan got, etc. Her excuse was that she wanted to keep the house how her mom left it as much as possible.
Jeff asked us to be more patient and she’d come around eventually.
She did come around but still tries to control other areas of my and Morgan’s life. I had a million conversations that ended up with her throwing a tantrum. Jeff talked to her and told her to not try to control what Morgan and I do, ever.
And she agreed.
Morgan’s birthday was days ago. We planned to celebrate at a restaurant and let Morgan choose which one. She picked a really nice restaurant that isn’t over the top expensive and we agreed the party would be there. However, when Alicia heard which restaurant we were going to she went off on me and Morgan and said that we can’t go to that restaurant because she had tons of memories there of her “perfect old family” and she won’t let us taint the memory for her.
I found this beyond illogical and unreasonable. I told her she could stay home but she said it wasn’t about her being there – it was about the idea of me and Morgan being there with Jeff as “family” when it used to be her, her mom, and Jeff.
We got into an argument and Jeff told me to tell Morgan to just pick another restaurant but I snapped and told him Alicia had no right to dictate where me and my daughter go and he shouldn’t be encouraging her.
He told me he wasn’t encouraging anything, just trying to keep all parties satisfied. He told me to get Morgan to change the restaurant or he won’t go. That was it for me, I decided I wasn’t going to change it just because they wanted me to and ended up going with Morgan to celebrate with just my mom.
Morgan of course felt upset her stepdad missed her birthday celebration. When I pointed this out to him, he argued that I literally gained nothing by insisting on this particular restaurant and upsetting Alicia (who is refusing to speak to any of us even him), and ruined his relationship with Morgan.
I said it was Morgan’s choice but he said I was the adult in this situation and have failed to navigate through it.
AITJ for still going to the restaurant although Alicia forbade us from it? I just wanted to make Morgan feel like she has a say and right to spend her birthday however she wanted.”
NTJ
18. AITJ For Being Mad That My Bio Dad Is Trying To Buy My Love?
“I’m 16, my biological father has never been in my life other than court-ordered child support payments. My mom married my dad, technically he’s my stepfather but I just call him my dad. He has been there for me since I was a baby and he’s the only dad I’ve ever known.
Anyway, my biological father has started coming around again. And wanting to reconnect with ‘his child’. But he’s acting real entitled about it, and it ticks me off. For one, I’m not a child anymore. I’ve had jobs that teach me responsibility, like a camp counselor and a volunteer program coordinator at the local library.
And for two, I’m not his child, I have parents.
When he showed back up in my life, it turns out he’d gotten rich rich. Like he has multiple luxury cars, multiple houses each worth more than my family’s house, and all sorts of crap.
And he started trying to bribe me with fancy gifts and luxury crap like bags and fancy dinners out. Which just shows how much he doesn’t know about my interests.
He also started asking me about living with him in his beach house which upset my mom because she wasn’t included in that conversation.
And I get why, that’s audacious to show up after 16 years and try that.
So I started getting mad at him and each time he showed up I’d tell him if he was trying to buy my love he should just leave.
And if he wanted to get to know me, that would have to be person-to-person without money in it. If he wants to show up to the house and cook the family dinner, or make me something handmade, or go out somewhere without money, fine.
But I wasn’t like some dumb girl who can be bought off.
He didn’t listen. He next showed up to take me to lunch and tried to take me to a luxury restaurant. I got mad and told him to cook something himself if he wanted to be a father.
The next time he showed up in a car worth over 150 grand when I needed to get to a lacrosse game after school. I got mad and said I knew what he was doing, trying to flex his riches, and I was walking to practice, because a grown man trying to flex on teenagers is…
Ick.
He again showed up and promised a homecooked dinner… Which his staff cooked. I got really mad and screamed at him that if he was ever a father he’d know you can’t outsource being a parent.
My mom actually has started to think I’m going too far and should give him a chance because he’s trying.
I don’t think she holds much ill will towards him, she is happily married now.
But I feel resentful, that my biological father is so entitled to think he can just show up with bribes and have a relationship with me. It feels disrespectful to my dad, to think he can show up and become “dad” and it’s disrespectful to me to assume I can be bought.
AITJ for how I feel about my biological father showing back up? And how I get angry when he tries to buy a relationship with me?”
17. AITJ For Not Wanting My SIL And Her Bratty Kid To Join Us On Vacation?
“My husband (30M) and I (29F) are planning a week-long vacation at my vacation home that I inherited from my parents some years back. We are leaving Friday and coming home next Friday. We are bringing my 3 kids (12m, 9m, 6m).
My husband had mentioned bringing along our mutual friends (Rob and Trish) and their 2 daughters (11 and 7) and I was completely okay with this. I told him to invite them, as our kids get along great and they are good company.
The vacation home has lake access with canoes and kayaks and plenty of fishing/swimming areas and a nice-sized fire pit. However, they unfortunately can’t make it due to work.
My SIL “Jen” (46F) has a 12yo daughter named “Emma”. I know I’m 100% going to sound like a jerk here but I do not like this child and I can barely tolerate my SIL.
My SIL raised Emma to believe she had Autism (she still thinks the doctors simply “don’t want to diagnose her” despite them running multiple tests and stating it’s truly just ADHD). Everything that Emma does is excused as “well she has autism and doesn’t think or react the same way as other kids”.
She is a massive bully to both kids and adults. I can’t even count how many times she has looked at me while I’m talking and said “Will you just stop talking? It’s really annoying.” Stuff like that.
Well, last week Emma was pulled from school for mental health because she bullied the wrong kid and it backfired.
So my SIL pulls her from school, excuses it as Autism, and says she needs a “much-needed mental health break”. My SIL knows we are going and asked my husband if they could come; so he asks me if I would be willing to let my SIL and her kid tag along and I immediately said no.
Absolutely not, under no circumstances. He says he understands why I wouldn’t want them to but claims maybe being away from electronics and the city will help his niece, and I said that I wasn’t willing to have a crappy time to test whether or not it helps his niece and that this is supposed to be our break, not an added headache.
His final argument was that the boys could “use the company” and I laughed and said “In what world do you think the boys would want her company considering they don’t even like going to her house?” He put his hands up and said “alright, no problem”, tells his sister I said no and now she is fuming at us; saying her kid needs the break and she feels like we are being unnecessarily harsh.”
16. AITJ For Not Defending My Wife When My Kids Complained About Her?
“Both of my daughters (8 & 4) have been opening up to me lately about their feelings toward their mom. I’m being inquisitive but not dismissing them. She’s upset by this and thinks I’m validating them when I should be talking her up and reminding them of all her good qualities when they tell me things.
2 weeks ago she accused me of favoritism with the oldest. Nothing like that was happening. The youngest wanted more of mom, not less of me. I figured it might be a phase. And just spent time bonding with the oldest.
I’ve noticed both kids have to act out to get any attention from her. My wife will step in when the kids are fighting to break it up but won’t play with them. She says moms don’t play with kids, dads do.
The oldest feels like she’s always to blame and has said a few times, in tears, that she feels like she’s the only one getting yelled at.
After the comments about favoritism, I felt bad and tried to spend quality time with both of the girls.
We bonded a lot and the youngest became really attached to me. We did normal things but nothing crazy. The wife has gone out for drinks with friends a couple of nights and left the kids alone with me. Both times letting me know her plans the day of.
I didn’t complain or ask her to not go out. Just made the most of it and had fun with the kids.
But tonight all heck broke loose. Neither daughter said goodbye to her or wanted a hug before school. When I got home from work they wanted to play outside.
We spent 45min in the backyard playing with a volleyball. My oldest made a comment that she “only has one parent” which took me by surprise. I asked what she meant and it’s because her mom isn’t present enough in the house.
She smokes a lot but the 8yr old doesn’t know that. She just knows mom is downstairs and she’s not allowed to go down there to see her. It’s been this way for years now despite my complaints and how much it costs us.
The wife takes “me time” (breaks she feels entitled to) for 15-20min before work and again for maybe a half hour after work. She also sleeps in until 9 am on the weekends while I’m up with the kids from 7 am alone.
The 8yr old spoke from her heart I believe. But my wife accused me of turning the kids against her. She tried giving them a bath tonight and they didn’t want her to. That’s when she made the accusation. It turned into an argument.
I was trying to bathe the kids. She kept the argument going in the bathroom in front of them. Both kids crying in the tub asking her to stop. She asked the kids if they want her to move out because apparently, she’s so mean.
Started crying. Yelled at me for not backing her up. Then left for a few hours while I gave the kids dinner and put them to bed alone. She came home and went to bed without saying a word to them or me.
Am I the jerk for not defending her when the 8yr old made the comment about not having a good mom because she’s not around or attentive enough?”
15. AITJ For Not Wanting To Meet My Dad's New Partner?
“I’m 25. My mom became sick and died last year, very suddenly, and very traumatically. I’m only just now starting the process of being “okay” with her being gone, but I still miss her every single day. The whole family doesn’t feel the same without her, and we never will again, but my two siblings and I have stuck with each other and we’re helping each other get through it as a family.
My relationship with my dad has only gotten worse though. My dad became very wealthy after my mom’s death because of insurance. Within two months he was acting completely differently. He’s going to Vegas and talking about how “being single is so weird lol.”
I know my dad is in pain.
It hurts him to talk about my mom’s death. I worry so much about him because this is not the father that I’ve known. My father is a wise, experienced man who took care of his family. I’ve talked to him about therapy.
Then less than three months after she died, he starts seeing this girl, “Carrie.” I have no idea who she is, what she does for a living, or how they even met.
All I know is that the two of them can’t stop seeing each other.
Anytime I talk with my dad, she’s there. As far as I know, she’s practically moved in with him.
My dad only ever has good things to say about her. According to him, she’s helped him deal with my mom’s death. How she’s done this, I don’t know.
The other thing I do know is that he has paid for several vacations for her already. They went out to Vegas again, he paid for her to go on vacation to Ireland, and just this week, he’s bankrolling a trip for them to go to New York.
He didn’t do this kind of thing for my mom, and they were married for 30+ years.
The rational part of my brain has been trying to convince me that my dad is a grown man, and he can spend his time with whoever he wants to spend his time with, and I should reserve any judgment on her.
The emotional part of me has been making me resent my dad. We had barely buried my mom before my dad started seeing someone else. I want nothing to do with this woman. Nothing against her, I’ve never met her, but I don’t care either.
My dad isn’t the dad that I’ve known since he’s been with her. So I’ve been avoiding it. I see my dad less and less now, and when I do see him, we never talk about Carrie.
I have to go with my dad to a funeral this weekend.
I’m driving down to his house, staying the night. Except that I am coming down on the night they get back from their trip to New York. And for some reason that means I just have to meet her, “it’ll be a great chance to get to know her.”
I want so badly to tell my dad I want absolutely nothing to do with her, and I never want to meet her.
I want so badly to tell Carrie that I want nothing to do with her, and I want her to get the heck out of my family. I want my dad back.
WIBTJ for telling my dad I don’t want to meet her?”
14. AITJ For Arguing With My Sister Over What Dress I Should Wear To Her Wedding?
“My (22F) sister (24F) asked me to be her maid of honor a few months ago. Since then, she has not included me in any of the wedding planning, told me she DOESN’T want a bachelorette party, and decided to do her wedding in a different country (where her fiancé is from).
She’s staying in that country (I won’t say where since she might see this post) for a couple of months before the wedding to help furnish the house, plan the wedding, etc.
My sister asked me to spend about a month and a half in that country to help her plan wedding stuff.
I was able to come here for that month since I just graduated college and have some time before I start work.
However since I’ve gotten here, my sister has gone out every single day with her fiancé (let’s call him Max) and his family, & has not invited me out except once when she was wedding dress shopping.
I had a conversation w/ her about how I’m in a foreign country so I’m not comfortable going out alone when I know nobody here. Also, the only reason I’m here is for her. She called me inconsiderate and selfish, saying I should be prioritizing her needs since the wedding is in a month.
We’ve been arguing every day about random/petty things since I’ve been here.
The last straw was when I went out to buy fabric for my dress for the wedding. We had agreed on a color and getting the dress custom-made once I got the fabric.
My sister, unsurprisingly, did not want to come dress shopping with me because she was with Max’s family. When I got home she was upset that I got the fabric for the dress without her, despite me telling her before going.
She said she thought I’d wait to buy it when we were together, mind you I am paying for my dress & she didn’t offer to pay for it at any point.
We got past that conversation and started discussing the design of the dress.
My sister got upset at the design I chose bc it was not “modest enough” for Max’s conservative family. (It was an off-shoulder maxi dress, with literally no cleavage showing, NOT a bodycon, A-line with a slit up to the knee.)
She told me since it’s her wedding and she wants to go for a certain look in her pictures, that she should pick the style of my dress.
I agreed, with the condition that I have to like the design too (the fabric getting the dress made would cost about $400 so I want to be able to wear this dress again at some point).
She picked out very ugly long sleeve dresses that look very much like mother-of-the-bride dresses.
When I kept telling her this was not my style and I wouldn’t feel comfortable in it, she said I was being inconsiderate and told me she’d wear a sparkly red cupcake gown to my wedding (my wedding is next year).
I ended the conversation by telling her that I’m not catering my style to Max’s family, and I’m not dropping $400 on a dress I don’t even like. She said if I don’t care about what she wants then I shouldn’t come to the wedding.
AITJ for still getting the dress I want made? I am her only sister and maid of honor.”
13. AITJ For Leaving The Family Trip Because My Siblings Clearly Didn't Want Me Around?
“I (m23) am the youngest in a family of 6 kids. The closest sibling to me in terms of age is 10 years older and the oldest is 19 years older. As you can probably guess I was the mistake baby.
My siblings were a bit resentful that my parents had to devote a lot more time to me than them. They kind of pushed me away from them when young me wanted to be close to them. Another thing to note is I’m nowhere near as successful as them.
They all went to amazing institutions while I went to the state school. I’m doing well and I have a solid job in business/IT that pays well but nowhere near what they made after college.
I’m viewed a bit as the wild child since I’m an athlete and got into a bit of trouble partying in my high school days.
I cleaned up my act but I still have a reputation among them. All of this is not a big deal but this is much-needed context.
My parents rented a beach house for us all to stay for two weeks. I agreed and thought it would be a good time.
I found out a week before that everyone was bringing their partners and kids. I immediately asked if my partner of a year could come and they said no. They made the excuse that everyone who was coming was either a spouse or a long-time partner.
My partner is a long-time partner but I didn’t fight them about it. On the first night, my parents went on a solo night out and my siblings planned a night out. They gave me a pity invite but it was clear they didn’t really want me there.
I declined and they immediately asked if I’d babysit their kids. I said no and that I might go out myself but I could check in on them periodically. My oldest brother said, “come on don’t make this an issue just help us out.” All right whatever I said fine and moved on.
After they left I told the oldest kid (who’s 16) that I’m leaving to grab myself food and that I’d be back in 15 minutes. I grabbed food and a 6 pack of beer and came back. I ate the food and started on the beers after the younger ones went to bed.
When the 16-year-old dozed off on the couch I went to my room and started on the beers while watching a movie. Eventually, I finished the beers and fell asleep. I was woken up to my brother yelling at me to wake up.
He started ripping into me about how I’m irresponsible for drinking when I’m in charge of children. We got into an argument but I gave up because it’s a family vacation and it’s not the time or the place.
The next incident that ticked me off was them purposefully excluding me from a trip to a bar by the waterfront.
They said it’s a “classier” place and I won’t enjoy it. After another 2 days of this kind of behavior I had enough and decided to call it quits and I’d enjoy the rest of the two weeks at a hotel with my partner. My parents were angry and asked why I constantly need to start problems with my siblings. I tried telling my side and they wouldn’t listen.”
12. AITJ For Not Going To My Cousin's Wedding Because She Didn't Give Me A Plus One?
“My (27M) cousin Carly (27F) is getting married in September. Growing up Carly and I were always ridiculously close. We were in the same grade and were best friends at family events. Our family is close-knit and a traditional type of American-Italian family.
Whenever I first started seeing a girl named Paige (26F), Carly and I would double date. Paige and Carly became close during the few times we hung out.
So I have a preference. I like to go out with women that have high-earning jobs.
I don’t hide this on my profile (where Paige and I met) or in real life. I don’t directly ask what someone makes but I just want to make sure it fits what I see my future lifestyle as. I don’t want to financially carry someone or have a large income disparity.
So 2 months into our relationship I found out Paige was lying about her job. She was actually a secretary which is not the job she was telling me she had. So I ended things, which caused me and Carly to have a major falling out.
That was 2 years ago and we haven’t really spoken since. I recently found out that Paige and Carly remained close friends and Paige will be in the wedding as a bridesmaid.
Whenever Carly got engaged she called me and I congratulated her.
She said she wanted me there and to hash things out, and asked me to be an usher. I agreed, then I got my invite I saw it was for just me. I thought nothing of it till I talked to my other cousin and he said he got a plus 1.
I confirmed with all my other cousins (some as young as 14 and they all got plus 1s). I called Carly and asked her about this. She said it was a numbers thing and nothing personal. I said that is ridiculous because I’ve been seeing someone and my 14-year-old cousins are single.
She then got mad and said it’s her wedding and she can do whatever she wants. I talked to another bridesmaid I know and she said it was because Paige didn’t want me to have one. I got this confirmed thru others as well.
I texted Carly that I appreciate the invite but I’m not flying (I live across the country now), getting a rental car, buying a gift, and taking time off work to be treated worse than other guests at a wedding. And that I’ll send a gift but won’t be attending.
She called me selfish and I didn’t respond. Ever since I’ve gotten the full-court press from the entire family. My parents, my aunts/uncles, cousins, and grandparents about why I’m the only member of the family not going. I’ve told them all the same reason and some think it is understandable and some think I’m being childish.
But I’m not spending close to $700 to travel to a wedding I’m being made to be alone at because of a stupid reason. Carly called and basically told me to grow up and suck it up for the family. I told her that she picked Paige’s wishes over me and needs to deal with it and hung up. I don’t feel like I’m being a jerk but I need a general ruling. AITJ?”
11. AITJ For Walking Out After Someone Made Rude Comments About My Wife?
“My wife (27f) is the most amazing person I (29m) have ever met. She is brilliant, hilarious, gorgeous, kind, appreciates me, always makes sure I feel loved and cared for, and I could go on forever. She’s my best friend and the love of my life.
Now when I say she is beautiful I mean it. She is ridiculously pretty. Everywhere we go men stare at her. She is constantly getting hit on. She’s pretty oblivious when people are hitting on her but when she does figure it out, she shuts them down quickly.
I’ve never once worried about her having an affair because that is not who she is and she would never do that.
I’m not ugly by any means. But I would say I’m definitely average. I have no idea what I did to deserve someone as amazing as my wife but I sure as heck won’t complain about having the most amazing partner in the world.
I’m nowhere near my wife’s league and people definitely let me know it. Whenever they found out we are together I get that look that’s like ‘really this guy?’ Sometimes people will just flat out say it too. They’ll tell me she’s way out of my league, I must have a lot of money (she makes more than me), etc.
It’s really annoying but usually I’ll just deal with it. I also have to deal with a lot of comments about how gorgeous my wife is from other men, like to my face.
Anyway, we were at the bar with my friends and one of their coworkers who I’d never met before.
My wife ended up leaving early because she remembered she had an appointment in the morning but told me to stay and have fun. After my wife left the coworker started making comments that I found really inappropriate. It started with usual like ‘what is a woman like that doing with a guy like you?’ I can handle things like that.
They annoy me but I’m used to them. Then he started saying things like ‘I bet you have trouble handling a woman like that. I bet I could hook up with her better than you’ and MORE. I was furious. He was completely objectifying my wife.
He was being disrespectful to her and to me. The comments were disgusting and I was honestly a little angry at my friends too because they didn’t say anything. I blew up at the guy and we started arguing. I told him he was a disgusting pig and to screw off.
He told me I was an insecure little jerk and so on. We kept arguing and I was starting to see red so I removed myself from the situation and went home. As I was leaving he was saying crap like stay and be a real man but I was done.
I just wanted to go home and lay next to my wife and forget about the whole thing.
I woke up to several texts from friends telling me I was a jerk for leaving and that I ruined their night. They told me I blew things way out of proportion.
I would ask my wife for her opinion but I know when people say things about her like that it upsets her and rightfully so. I would rather just not upset her and keep her and me away from that jerk. AITJ?”
10. AITJ For Keeping The Cat After The Breakup?
“So I broke up with my partner of 8 years, Shelby, about a month ago. The reason was her deciding she wanted to have a child. We agreed to be child-free when we got together in high school but she changed her mind.
The breakup was hard on both of us, but more so on her. That being said I’m trying to be as kind as possible.
Figuring out the logistics has been like pulling teeth the whole time. We had to decide how to split our furniture and things but Shelby would get upset when I brought it up, so I made a list of what I thought was fair and asked if she agreed, which she did.
I ended up with most of it as I bought most of our stuff. We split the two big items we bought together and she got all of the good electronics and my old desktop I gave her because she used it more.
She seemed totally fine with this even when I started moving some of it into storage.
Then she told me that she hadn’t found a place yet and she was going to move back in with her parents. My problem with that, is we have a cat, Felix.
Three years ago we adopted a kitten that Shelby wanted even though I was never a cat person. We agreed at the time that she would take care of him, but that quickly fell onto me. I’ve taken care of Felix by myself for years, including vet appointments, and I didn’t mind because I love him.
We hadn’t discussed the cat yet, I think because it was assumed she would get him, but I told her then I wanted the cat. Her parents, while lovely people, fancy themselves animal rescuers. They have more than a dozen cats and dogs at any given time.
The animals fight and the house is disgusting because there are so many.
She got upset and accused me of being spiteful. I told her I wasn’t trying to take him from her, I just didn’t want him at her parents’. When she found another place she was welcome to have him back.
She started crying and saying how I wanted to “take everything from her.”
I told her it was her fault she felt that way because I asked for her input in splitting our stuff and she gave me nothing. I said we could talk about anything she wanted item wise but the cat stays with me.
She agreed but left in tears and I haven’t seen her since yesterday. I’m not trying to hurt her but I’m so frustrated with her and the situation I’m not sure I’m being fair. AITJ?”
9. AITJ For Hating That My SIL Constantly Copies Me?
“My (32f) SIL (29f) is obsessed with me. I swear to god. We’ve known each other for 7 years when I started going out with her brother and from the start I got weird vibes from her. She asks me where I got a certain piece of clothing or jewelry then buys the exact same ones.
If I dye my hair, she dyes her hair THE SAME color. If I post on social media about a certain restaurant, she will go there the next day or the same week.
I got a new hair stylist and tagged the stylist on social media, a few months later I visit her again and she thanks me for sending her a new client (guess who that was).
I posted a photo of my room a month ago, the next time I visit my SIL’s place she had the SAME SHEETS. She says she had them for ages and it’s a coincidence. These kind of things happen all the time.
Sometimes I’ll run into her at the grocery store and she’ll ask what I’m picking up and if I tell her she says “oh how funny me too!” And buy THE EXACT same thing as me. I’ve had people tell me they saw her and thought she was me because we dress so similarly and have the same hair.
I wish I didn’t have to see her but the kicker is our husbands are best friends/business partners, and they live 2 blocks away from us. I’ve brought this up to my husband since the start and we’ve both talked to her and she either denies it and says it’s all coincidence or she just says she thinks I have such good taste that she can’t help it but promises she’ll stop and never does.
My husband realizes it’s frustrating but he ultimately says it’s harmless and she’s his sister so he can’t just cut her off for copying me.
The other day she asked me what shampoo I use and I refused to tell her because I knew she was just going to buy it, but she started crying and my husband just told me it’s not a big deal so I told her after she assured me that she wasn’t going to buy it she was just curious because my hair is always so nice.
Yesterday we went over to their place for dinner and I used the washroom and decided to check my suspicions so I looked in the tub and saw she had bought the same shampoo!!!!
I was so frustrated that I brought the bottle to the table and in front of our husbands told her that she is Not Allowed to buy the same shampoo as me and that this crap has got to stop or else I will cut her and her husband off regardless of what my husband says and I will never see them again! Obviously, my husband said I embarrassed him and she started crying and we left.
I may have overreacted but this situation is making me crazy!! My friends who know about this said I overreacted but it’s understandable because of the position I’m in constantly. My husband wants me to apologize to her but I do not want to!
I forgot to mention something important.
I have her blocked on social media and my account is private but I know she has a secret account to follow me because sometimes she will mention things I’ve posted (like I went to the beach and didn’t tell her and the next time we hung out she asked if I had a nice time at the beach, I asked my husband if he told her he denies telling her), etc.”
8. AITJ For Not Letting My Partner Have The Extra Pack Of Mayo?
“Two months ago my (25F) partner (25M) and I went to IKEA to grab a bite, and we both bought a menu that included french fries. So naturally, the cashier gave us both mayonnaise packs at the checkout. The problem started when she gave me 3 packs instead of 2 and gave him 2.
I didn’t realize he got one less pack until later.
We sat down, and before even started eating he jokingly grabbed one of my mayonnaises from my tray. Mind you, we often do these kinds of stuff at home so I thought of that in a playful non-serious way and grabbed the pack back from him while laughing.
He grabbed the pack a few more times without saying anything in a still playful manner and I grabbed back just like before.
I sensed something was off after we started eating. He was very quiet and constantly shutting down my every attempt to talk.
I asked him what was wrong and got only “nothing’s wrong” answers. I insisted one last time to find out what was wrong, and he admitted he was upset with me for not giving him one of my mayonnaise packs. I told him I didn’t understand that he seriously wanted the pack since he grabbed it a few times without expressing himself.
He said that I knew he likes mayonnaise more than I do and because he saw the cashier giving me an extra pack, he thought I’d give him that one. I expressed to him a couple of times that I’d gladly share the pack if he’d asked properly in the first place, but since he was so rude and acting like he was entitled to that pack without even bothering to ask me I refused to give him.
We began arguing back and forth and never came to a conclusion since then. He defends that I should have laughed it off and given the mayonnaise since it’s not a big deal and since I’m his partner & best friend, he should be able to take anything from my tray without asking because he’d let me do the same.
He also says that he can do this to any of his male friends so why should I react differently? I defend that if he’d asked properly instead of just grabbing without saying anything, I’d given him without hesitation.
So, please tell us, who is being a jerk here?”
7. AITJ For Wanting An 18-Year-Old Invited To My Bachelorette Party?
“I (23f) am best friends with Darla (22f). We had a fight a year or so ago. It’s water under the bridge now, but we’re not as close as we used to be.
After the fight, I decided to widen my social circle.
I made a friend at work, Tess (21f), and became close with her and her sister Vicki (18f), but they’ve never met Darla.
This all became an issue when I got engaged. Darla got super excited and offered to plan and pay for the bachelorette party.
When we discussed it, I told her I wanted Tess and Vicki to come. That was my only request, she planned the rest of the weekend. I thought it would be the perfect opportunity for my three good friends to meet each other.
Darla had planned to rent a place on the lake and a boat for the weekend. We started a group chat with the four of us and that’s when Darla learned that Vicki is only 18. She texted me privately that she wasn’t cool with Vicki going and it turned into an argument.
She said that if Vicki were caught drinking with us we would all be liable. I suggested just not drinking, but she said she doesn’t want to pay for a trip she won’t enjoy. She then suggested we invite “our” friend group instead, to which I said no, because they’re not really my friends.
We all used to work together but I’ve only hung out with them when Darla organized girl’s nights.
I suggested we do something else but she said we’d have the same issue no matter what we did. I told her I understand she doesn’t want to be in legal trouble and that’s fine, but them going is literally the only request I made for my own party.
I said if Vicki wasn’t invited to just forget it. She hadn’t yet actually spent anything on the party just to be clear.
Then she accused me of choosing “some kid” over her, which ticked me off. We’ve basically agreed to disagree, the weekend was canceled, and it’s been tense since.
I told Tess and Vicki what happened after. Vicki said she would’ve understood why she couldn’t go and felt terrible she had caused a problem. I told her it wasn’t her fault, I wanted her there, and that if Darla had been willing to bend at all we could’ve figured something out.
I felt like I was doing the right thing at the time, but after talking to Vicki I’m wondering if maybe I overreacted by canceling the whole thing. AITJ?”
6. AITJ For Being Upset At My Grandma For Telling My Dad I Got Engaged?
“So when I (24f) was like eight, I broke a vase that was precious to my stepmom. I don’t think she ever liked me but she told my dad it’s me or it’s her. I thought for sure my dad would choose me cause I was so close to him but that night he told me I was going to grandma’s.
I honestly didn’t believe it till I got there and he left and I guess that just changed something in me. He phoned every day and tried to see me every day too and at first I pretended to be happy but I wasn’t cause I wasn’t home.
I know that I stopped pretending pretty fast and looking back I acted apathetic to him, like not angry or sad but just emotionless. I know sometimes I heard him complain to grandma about me acting so differently than before.
When I was nine, I told my mom I wanted to move in with her full-time cause I just started hating phone calls and visits from my dad.
Even though she had a tiny apartment she said yes. Honestly, I slept in the same bed as her till I moved in with my fiancee (don’t care though cause she’s my mama!) and it was better than having my own room and having to deal with him every day.
My mom and I have become super close and she enrolled me in after-school stuff so I could avoid my dad. And contact just ended and I’m thankful for it cause I didn’t have to be there for him. Like, a few years ago, stepmom gave birth and there was a big celebration and I’m so happy I’m nowhere in sight and that I haven’t even seen the kid yet.
I’d really only see him on birthdays or when he came to grandma’s home when I was there.
I proposed to my fiancee a week ago and I told my mom, my uncle (mom’s cousin), and my grandma. Now my grandma knows how little I talk to my dad and how out of the loop I keep him.
So it was a surprise when I got a phone call from my dad inviting me to a family dinner so I could introduce my fiancee and meet my baby brother. I made up an excuse cause screw that. It was obviously grandma who told him and I got mad at her and ended up yelling at her. I got a text from my dad about an hour ago which chastised me for taking out my issues with him on grandma. As much as I hate to say it, he may be right about that.”
5. AITJ For Refusing To Let My Mom See Me Off At College?
“So to preface, I have a very rough relationship with not just my mother but both parents.
Some small things they’ve done are like, never praising me for any accomplishments, actually preventing my academic growth, making me feel not enough for them, and fearful of saying anything about how I feel for I may be berated for it.
So it’s not great, and they don’t see this and I refuse to be honest with them cause I know they’ll just get mad at ME for how they treat me.
Either way the current story of note: So I’ve recently graduated high school yadda yadda preparing for college bull.
Throughout the whole process, they bombarded me with what-ifs that just added to the already extreme stress I put on myself about the whole college thing, they never once through the entire acceptance process told me they liked the college or that they were proud of me at all.
Even after I was accepted and going through heck with financials, still just questions on questions on what will I do if it doesn’t work out. Which to their merit, I am the first in my family to go to college, and it’s a college many states away.
This is where this problem comes in, I want to go there myself, I applied myself, I interviewed and all that crap for this place myself, I want time to reflect on everything before getting there. Alone. I’m completely fine if they want to go to the college, but it can’t be with me.
My mother is absolutely mad at me over this, she wants to “see me off” by going with me, she thinks I don’t care about her and all this other stuff, when I wouldn’t take the trip with anyone, it’s not just cause it’s her.
I understand her feelings on it and I suggested alternatives, she wanted to spend time with me so I thought we could plan something since I still have months till I leave, but she wasn’t having it. The first time we talked about it, I got her to agree to let me go.
Then just recently I learned she went behind my back and against her word and started planning to go with me again.
Again, we argued and she agreed. But I don’t trust her, she lied once, why wouldn’t she again? Pay in mind when we argued she was very forceful with it.
She threatened to not even let me use my own vehicle because I didn’t pay for it, it was a gift.
She threatened to force me to use a train or plane, which she said I could do alone so I almost agreed then she took it back to say she would go with me anyway.
I understand the heartache, but I’m also trying to protect her feelings, I would be miserable if I was forced to take her like this, and I don’t think she wants the last time she sees me for a long time to be like that.
She took that as reasoning for me not caring about her.
I don’t honestly know if I should care or not, obviously I care about her as my parent, but still, I’ve gotten so much trauma from them with no way to work through it all these years.”
4. AITJ For Telling My Husband That My Job Is More Important Than His?
“My husband and I have 2 kids (9 & 7) and we both work full time. Both of our jobs are in our desired fields and are what we went to school for. However, my job pays me much more than his and mine is also a lot higher stress, requires more time commitment, and can be mentally exhausting.
This does cause more of the kid and household duties to fall on him. He will sometimes complain about it, but with the nature of my job, there’s just not much I can do to change it. Unless I plan ahead for taking time off, I just can’t do it without it impacting a lot of other people and their jobs.
This most often comes up when one of the kids is sick and needs to be picked up or kept home from school. It’s just a lot easier for him to get away from work, especially since he works from home 3 days a week now.
His job is always super understanding about it and my husband has never once told me that he needs me to do something like that instead of him.
Now that our kids are done with school for the year, we enrolled them both in summer programs that will keep them busy during the workday.
However, last week our youngest was sick for 2 days and this week our oldest had the same illness for 3 days. It was just a stomach bug but they both had to be kept home. My husband took care of all this during the day and I took over in the evenings.
Last night I got home late and noticed my husband was a bit rattled. I asked him if everything was ok and he just looked me straight in the eyes and said “No” in a tone that I don’t think I have ever heard from him, it was almost vitriolic.
He said he’s tired of always being the one who has to stop what he’s doing to take care of the kids and that for just once he wants me to take initiative and “Step the heck up.”
I told him that was a mean thing to say and that I don’t appreciate being ambushed like this as soon as I get in the door.
I tried to explain to him that I had a tough day at work but that I would take over for him, but he cut me off. He told me that he doesn’t feel like I’m pulling my weight with the kids and the house and that he’s tired of me always acting like my job is more important than his.
I took offense to that because I work my butt off at my job and come home and don’t stop doing things around the house or with the kids until I go to sleep. I told him that actually, yes, my job is important because without my job we wouldn’t have the house, the cars, or the money to pay for our kids to be in these programs that allow us both to work.
I told him he knew the nature of my job when we got married and we had discussions about how hard it would be for me to take off unexpectedly and that he would have to do the brunt of that stuff with the kids when it comes up.
He stood there and listened and said “Well, at least you can finally admit that you think you’re more important.”
I tried to talk to him more about it but he refuses to speak to me. I know I messed up by actually saying that, but it’s the truth.
To clarify our respective jobs, I am an anesthesiologist and he is a web developer.”
3. AITJ For Thinking My Parents Shouldn't Financially Support My Brother Even Though They Do Me?
“My brother and I (26Mx2) are identical twins but opposites. Growing up, I tried to have a closer relationship, but he would avoid me and pretend he was an only child. These days, we almost never talk. Our (step)dad (51M) married our mom (47F) when we were 5, and they’ve been accepting, supportive parents.
I’m a Ph.D. student in a city 80-90 minutes from home. My degree is fully funded, but the stipend and teaching salary are very low for this area, so our dad offered to rent a studio apartment beside campus and pay most of my bills until I finish my Ph.D.
I am very grateful. I also live a cheap vegetarian life, I cook my own meals, and I currently own an old mountain bike instead of a car.
My brother has had no steady job or education for six years since he was suspended from college and never went back.
Sometimes he makes a few hundred bucks by helping people move. Otherwise, he has spent 6 years lifting weights and picking up men from apps to hook up with in our parents’ house. A month ago, our mom rented an apartment for him, because he said he was sick of living at home and it was unfair that they paid for my place.
The problem is that my dad can’t keep supporting four adults on his income (mom has never worked). He makes a good six-figure salary, but this is in California, where you burn through money just by being alive. While I was home for the weekend, Mom said she may have to start withdrawing from retirement savings to pay for monthly expenses.
I said, “But the only new expense is B’s rent.” She said it would make a big difference.
Last night our parents left after Father’s Day dinner to grab drinks with friends, and my brother and I cleaned up the kitchen before I also left.
He was talking about his apartment, and he asked why I was being so quiet. I ended up saying it was irresponsible for him to accept rent money, and that he should find work or move back in. He responded angrily, saying I’m a hypocrite because our parents pay my rent too.
I said it was different, not only because my life is 50 miles from home and his new crib is 3 minute’s drive away, but because I’m actually doing something with my life. (I don’t think a career in academia is noble or anything, but at least it’s a path to a future.) My brother left and messaged our mom with his version of events.
Our mom called today to yell about how my brother was right, and I’m a hypocrite with no right to tell him not to accept “help”. She said I should quit my Ph.D. and get a job if I was so worried.
Now our dad is furious with mom for telling me to quit school. It seems obvious to me that he doesn’t even want to support my brother like this (especially because my brother and parents don’t even speak since he moved out), but dad feels he doesn’t have a choice.”
2. AITJ For Ruining A Friendship Because Of Who I'm Interested In Romantically?
“My (25 f) roommate (23 m – call him Sam) and I have been close friends for 2 years now. When I first met Sam I had just gotten out of a hetero relationship and I was struggling with my identity.
I started identifying myself as a lesbian but preferred queer. I already came out as bi at 14, so I thought I was actually a lesbian. Sam is a gay man, and we’ve talked about growing up and dealing with the struggles of being gay, but mostly we bonded over grief and loss.
During the last 2 years, I’ve dealt with difficulties related to my identity and had multiple relationships with strictly women. However, I’ve remained pretty fluid. I assumed I would never go out with a man again and I was okay with that.
Fast forward to this month, I started a new job and met someone who I really like that is a man. He is moving to another state and asked me out. After a long conversation, we decided to give it a go.
When I told Sam he accused me of lying to him for the past 2 years, and that he feels like our friendship was based on lies. He says I have no idea how hard it is to be gay because he can’t just turn it off and be attracted to the opposite gender.
He told me he was considering moving out because it feels like we can’t be as close and I would move in with my partner anyway (it’s been 2 days). He said he feels betrayed like he lost his friend and isn’t interested in meeting my partner or being involved in my life.
I was emotionally wrecked and told him that I would message my new partner and tell them I wasn’t interested if I could keep my best friend, but according to Sam, the damage was already done. After a small reconciliation, he told me tonight that he is having a hard time dealing with this, and he’s emotionally exhausted.
He stopped sharing his location with me (which we always have), and I told him to have a good day at work and I loved him, but he wouldn’t reply to me and left without saying anything as if he is pushing me away.
Tonight I tried to give him space and he came to my room and said “it’s not like I regret being your friend, I just need time to process this”. Normally I am understanding, however, after threatening to move out and the reaction he had the other night I find myself being less than open to him.
I want to understand how he feels and give him time to process his emotions, but I feel like he hasn’t considered how I feel or how his actions are affecting me. I have to tell multiple people in my life who I also came out to about my new partner (after his negative reaction I didn’t know what to expect from others), deal with the stress of starting a new long-distance relationship, and with the threat of losing my roommate and best friend I can not afford to keep my house on my own.
I love Sam, he is my best friend and I value how he feels, but I feel like he reacted disproportionally to the situation and now I’m worried I’ve lost my best friend because I wasn’t sure about my sexuality. Did I betray our friendship, AITJ?”
1. AITJ For Not Believing My Husband When He Said He Was Sick?
“My husband Tom (33m) and I (27f) have been married for 2 years.
He has a habit of getting me to leave an event early as soon as he gets bored or sees someone he doesn’t like come to the event (like my brother).
He doesn’t outright say it but pretends to get sick (feels headache or stomach ache) and forces me to go home with him. Soon as we leave he’d immediately go back to normal and suddenly all the pain and headache go away.
He then admitted it’s a “strategy” to get out of boring/undesired events. The thing is this has been happening way too often and I keep falling for it. More importantly….it has impacted my relationship with family and friends. I told him many times that he could go home by himself if he doesn’t feel comfortable at an event and not trick me into going home with him.
He told me that I had to leave with him otherwise people would ask how he could drive while sick. I told him it’s not my problem and next time he does this I won’t just play along. He smirked at me and we stopped bringing it up.
2 days ago was my sister’s 18th birthday. It was obviously a huge event since she’s the youngest in the family. Tom first said he wouldn’t go then asked me to not go as well because he was “feeling sick.” Sick from what? Didn’t specify.
I said no and gave him the option to stay home but he got dressed last minute and went with me.
We got there, I went to stay with my parents and saw my sister. About 15 mins later, Tom came up to me saying he was feeling nauseous and told me to go home with him because he was feeling sick.
I figured he just got bored and was pretending to be sick to get me to go home with him just cause he didn’t like the party. I told him “No” and that he needed to stop these games cause this was my sister’s birthday.
He swore he was sick but I refused to go. He then gave me a nasty stare at dinner, we all sat down to eat but he didn’t. He kept staring and then started moving in his chair and a few minutes later he dropped down and started throwing up near the chair.
Everyone got up from their seats and dad went to help him up immediately. I couldn’t believe it I just stood there as mom and dad helped him up while he shouted “SHE KNEW I WAS SICK, I TOLD HER I WAS SICK AND NEEDED TO GO HOME BUT SHE JUST WOULDN’T BELIEVE ME.” Everyone heard this and stared at me.
I felt guilt, shame, embarrassment…especially with how my dad looked at me to confirm this statement. It was horrible!!!! Dinner was cut short and I had to drive him home.
I got berated by both my family and him and they called me neglectful and with no empathy to refuse to listen when he told me he was sick.
He’s been upset with me about what happened and refused to even talk except to say it was my fault the party was ruined for everyone. I can’t even talk about what my sister thinks of this since this was her party.
Was I really the jerk in this situation?”
I'm getting red flag energy something scary from this story. Your husband is choosing to go with you to social events and then admittedly faking sick to go home almost immediately. He's doing his best to isolate you, which is a first step in abusive relationships.
Are there other ways in which he is controlling or manipulative? I'm willing to bet there are.
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