People Find Themselves In A Pickle In These "Am I The Jerk?" Stories

One thing we're all going to have to come to terms with is that life will never be perfect. It always seems like there's some sort of inconvenience, setback, or hardship that's happening in our lives. Dealing with a sour mother-in-law who hates your guts for not giving her grandchildren. Having an incompatibility with your neighbors. Running into a difficulty with your partner or roommate at home. Putting up with needy coworker who doesn't know what boundaries are. Does the drama ever truly end? Sometimes we need to embrace it. Other times, we find ourselves on our hands and knees begging for someone to tell us what to do next. The latter describes the following people. They're in a bind, and the clock is ticking. They need your help: were they a jerk, and what should they do next? Spill it in the comments. AITJ = Am I the jerk? NTJ = Not the jerk WIBTJ = Would I be the jerk? YTJ = You're the jerk

22. AITJ For Getting Mad At My Partner For Unknowingly Ruining Her Surprise Proposal?

“I had this lovely plan to propose to my SO on the evening of March 20th at the Conservatory of Flowers in San Francisco. I really wanted to propose on the official first day of spring. New season full of life/a new chapter for our relationship and a potential baby on the way.

When I playfully asked her to clear that day of work, she surprised me by getting seriously upset. “That’s a lot of pay I’d be missing out on,” and “I can’t cancel on my clients like that.” I was upset and told her to forget about her clients for just one day.

It turned into a fight, and I had to sort of just tell her I was planning on proposing to her on that day. She cried and started to get mean to herself.

I told her it was okay, that there’ll be plenty of days to pick from.

We made up, but I still feel bad for putting her through that, AND I’m still kind of salty that she couldn’t just give us a day off together. It was an absolutely stunning day I had planned. Am I the jerk? Should I have just dropped it before it got into a fight?

Pick another date and stop being so butt hurt about a plan not working out?”

Another User Comments:

“YTJ. You’re the one proposing. You have to plan AROUND her. Not get mad at her when she tells you she’ll be preoccupied. Yes maybe it was the perfect date.

Guess what? Any date will be perfect if you really love her because it’s the day you decide you want to be together forever. You’re immature for not just picking another day, revealing it was meant to be a proposal is such a guilt trip.” Designer_Court2988

Another User Comments:

“YTJ. She had absolutely no way of knowing why you wanted her to take the day off. And honestly? A proposal is not enough of a reason to take a whole day off work (IMO). You should have planned around her schedule if you really wanted it to be a surprise on that specific day.

And honestly, how dare you leverage “I was going to propose!” as a way to get out of a fight, which you caused, and from her perspective, was you just being completely unreasonable about her job. That you’re “still salty” she didn’t just immediately obey you and take the day off is the crap icing on this jerk cake.” Atarlie

Another User Comments:

“YTJ. And you’re also manipulative and immature. You don’t value your partner’s work, you don’t value her, and furthermore, you guilt her when clearly you were the one that messed up. What a lovely proposal indeed !!! You’d better apologize to her and mean it + try actually thinking through and planning ahead and adjusting to your partner’s needs, you’ll see it works wonders.

Quit fantasizing, grow up.” Motor_Past8933

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21. WIBTJ For Trying To Force My Sister-In-Law To Show Interest In My Kids?

You can’t really force anyone to do anything.

“My SIL has never shown interest in my kids (F5, M3).

She says no to almost everything I invite her to. Her mom, my MIL, will try to get her to come to things, but it never works.

I’m trying to plan a birthday party for my daughter’s 6th next month. My SIL responded to my request for dates by letting me know her winter was already booked, and none of my dates work.

I’m tired of her not participating in my children’s lives, and I want her to play a more active role. She’s the only aunt my daughter has.

I think my MIL would be really mad if she knew her daughter was refusing to bother yet again with my kids.

WIBTJ if I told her and asked her to step in? It would probably not make my SIL happy, but her parents might be able to push her into coming to the party.”

Another User Comments:

“YWBTJ. I get it, you want everyone to be excited about and love your kids, but obviously, it isn’t something you can force.

By forcing it, you will pretty much ensure that she resents your children and never wants any sort of relationship with them.

Based on what you wrote, I doubt she will ever want a very close relationship with them; however, some people do find it easier to bond with kids as they get older.

That might be the case for her, or maybe she’s been stressed the last few years and therefore not showing much interest. There could be a lot of things going on that you might not know of or take into consideration. Don’t bomb any future chances of her warming up to the idea of bonding with your kids over a birthday party.

Also, just because you want her to bond with your kids doesn’t mean she is obligated to. If she never does, it’s understandable to be disappointed but not ok to try to guilt trip her.” crazybirdlady93

Another User Comments:

“YWBTJ. She doesn’t want to go to the party.

Accept her decision. She doesn’t owe your kids anything, and you’re making it worse by trying to force a relationship that she clearly doesn’t want. You’re going to give your kids issues if you keep making a big deal over their aunt not being in their lives.

By making it really obvious that she’s not there, the kids’ feelings are likely to be hurt far more deeply than if you had just said, “Your aunt can’t make it, but X, Y, and Z will be there, and we’re so excited to celebrate your birthday!” Don’t complain to her mommy that she doesn’t want to play with you.

Accept that she’s not into you, and stop harassing her/stop asking others to harass her on your behalf.” sparrowhawk75

Another User Comments:

“YWBTJ. I think you are blinded by your perfect idea of an aunt-and-niece relationship. Maybe you had the perfect aunt and hoped the same for your kids.

Maybe you didn’t have a great aunt and wanted something different. I’m sorry you are not getting the aunt for your kids you desired. You are allowed to be sad about this. You are not allowed to force someone to play a role they don’t want to play.

I’m not sure you’ve quite realized how ridiculous you’re being by trying to demand your sil be involved. You might now after all of these comments, but if not, please take a step back and take a good hard look at this situation and yourself.

You are going to need to let go of your grandiose aunt expectations.

Keep inviting her to show you and your kids enjoy her time with them, but please realize she is only going to be as involved as she wants. Your kids and she will develop their own relationship through the times they do have together, and it will be the best relationship they can have in this situation.” Emotional-Parfait348

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MadameZ 1 month ago
YTJ. You chose to have children, she didn't have a say in the matter (no reason why she should, of course). You don't get to make demands of her, she has her own life and her own priorities. Leaver her ALONE.
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20. AITJ For Only Getting A Tattoo Of One Of My Kid's Names?

“I had my first child when I was young and I was devastated when I had to leave her with my parents to go to college. I tattooed her name and a picture that reminded me of her on my chest.

I got married to my wife about 3 years ago and we have a 1-year-old son together.

She asked me when I’m going to tattoo his name? I told her I’m not planning to do so. I was very young when I got my first and only tattoo, and it wasn’t a pleasant experience, and I don’t really like tattoos anymore. She said our son is going to grow up and notice that I only have a tattoo for his sister, and he will know who my favorite child is.

I told her this is insane, and if she really wanted a tattoo of our son’s name, then she should get one.

We got into a heated argument, and it ended with her calling me a jerk.

Am I really the jerk?”

Another User Comments:

“Nobody’s the jerk. I was all ready to say YTJ because that sort of favoritism sets up problems, but all the time in between does change things for me. If you were to make the decision today, presumably, you wouldn’t get EITHER child’s name tattooed on your chest. Young people do all sorts of things that they wouldn’t do as adults, and you shouldn’t be forced to make all the same mistakes again just to be “even.”

However, be careful how you talk to your wife about this. It’s a legitimate concern that your son will feel second-priority because you have a tattoo of your other child but not him. This is not “insane,” and I would also generally expect someone who tattooed his first child onto his chest to do the same for his second child.

You’re edging into jerk territory for treating this as a ridiculous concern out of nowhere, rather than a legit issue that (although you have agency over your own body) deserves some honest discussion and communication.

By the way, some of this is based on the assumption that “when I was young” is a really long time ago.

I’m thinking like a decade or more. If we’re only talking about, say, 4 years between, and you’ve been married to your new wife for 3 of them, then YTJ. Can you clarify how long it has been since your first child and related tattoo?” GalumphingWithGlee

Another User Comments:

“I’m gonna have to go a bit against the grain here and say YTJ. I think this is the case because despite you having every right to not want to get another tattoo, you have to see the optics of it. No matter what you can say, it will still have an air of favoritism around it.

Granted, your wife might not be the best person to approach the subject. I think that’s best done by your son when he gets old enough and understands the situation. If he sees a problem with it, I would be prepared to get that next tattoo… Saying it was painful and that you don’t want to do it because of that is a pretty weak cop-out….he could respond to that, “Well, it was painful back then too.

Why could you deal with it then but not now?” or “So you saw that your sacrifice to her was worth the pain, but how is your love towards me any different?”

Your desire to not have another tattoo doesn’t garner my judgment, but your mindset of not being open to getting one should your son want you to in later years, which he wouldn’t be wrong in asking for.

But your wife went a bit overboard too early, albeit with the best intentions.” Horny-Hotrod_357

Another User Comments:

“NTJ, and most of the comments here are appalling. You don’t fix something you did in the past that you are no longer comfortable with by …doing it again.

And you don’t teach your children to take their time before making lifelong decisions by doing that either. And for everyone who’s echoing the wife’s nonsense about favoritism: do y’all just not TALK to your children? Communicate with them? Explain things with them or have ongoing, meaningful discourse with them?

OP got the tattoo for his daughter because he had to leave her and be away from her for a prolonged period of time when she was young, and he wanted something to remember her by during that time. It had nothing to do with “loving her more” than a sibling who didn’t even exist at the time.

And the circumstances of his life have now changed drastically, and all he needs to say to his son when he is old enough to ask is, “Of course I love you just as much, which is why I am thankful every day that I won’t ever have to leave you the way I had to be away from your sister.

I don’t need a reminder of you because I get to be HERE with you and see you grow up and be your dad every single day, and that is the best thing in the whole world.” All he has to do is be honest: that the tattoo was NEVER about celebrating his daughter as some sort of favorite; it was just a coping mechanism in a difficult time.

Honestly, his wife is a huge jerk for framing the tattoo as something it isn’t: he TOLD her what it was, that it was the equivalent of a coping mechanism/memento in a rough time, not just a cheesy “proud dad” tattoo, and she’s choosing not to hear him, so she can stir crap up.” FoolMe1nceShameOnU

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19. AITJ For Judging My Sister-In-Law For Constantly Holding Her Foster Daughter?

“My brother and SIL have 4 kids (17, 15, 12, 7) and are fostering Lily (6). They’ve had Lily for 8 months now, and every time I see her, my SIL is carrying her, or she’s sitting in my SIL’s lap.

It doesn’t matter if all of the other kids are playing outside; my SIL does not put Lily down.

I’ll admit that there has to be something there with Lily. First of all, when I met her I thought she couldn’t be older than 4. She’s tiny and is just built like a toddler, but she’s also in pull-ups, sucks her thumb, and doesn’t speak in full sentences.

I ran into my SIL and Lily at the farmer’s market the other day, and she even had Lily in one of those carrier things on her back. I asked her why I always see her carrying Lily and asked if she can’t walk. My SIL said that Lily’s just comfortable like that and left, but she must’ve told my parents about it because when I got home, they said I was being rude to my SIL and that Lily being carried is none of my business.

I think it was kinda cruel that she told my parents but my parents think I was being rude and want me to apologize, so I wanted to know if I was the jerk.”

Another User Comments:

“YTJ.

1. You shouldn’t have asked in front of Lily.

2. You seem to be asking not out of compassion or even curiosity but out of some weird kind of judgmentalism.

3. Many foster kids have developmental delays, emotional and psychological conditions due to trauma, and physical limitations due to injuries from physical maltreatment and neglect.

4. The facts surrounding child welfare cases are confidential.

5. Since you’re clearly clueless, here’s the proper way to discreetly inquire when Lily is not present: “Hey, I think what you’re doing with Lily is amazing. I know the facts of such cases are confidential, but is there anything I should know about her physical or emotional conditions or needs, so I can make her comfortable when I’m around her, avoid triggering any past trauma, and get her appropriate gifts?”” Curious-One4595

Another User Comments:

“YTJ. You said she’s 6, but she looks 4, she’s tiny, is in pull-ups, and sucks her thumb. These are all things she should have grown out of – had she had a normal upbringing. To me, and I’m no expert, but it sounds like she came from a harmful and neglectful household.

There’s a REASON she’s in foster care. Children from neglectful households have different needs than you, who I presume grew up in a loving household where you were provided with FOOD and CARE. Her growth, mental and physical, is stunted, according to your description.

That’s not something she can control. Have you ever considered the reasons WHY she’s being fostered in the first place?

Lily being carried is none of your business. In fact, if she did come from a dangerous or neglectful situation, carrying her and comforting her is a good thing.

She’s traumatized and going through a big change; she needs the comfort. There’s nothing wrong with being curious, but there is something wrong with, “Why can’t she just walk? Why do you always have to hold her?” Why can’t you mind your business?

YTJ.” AugustPierrot

Another User Comments:

“YTJ. First of all who cares? You’re not being asked to carry the child, so it’s not like it’s your problem. Second of all, children who are put through foster care often come from extremely neglectful or traumatized backgrounds.

The foster care system is inhumane, you don’t know her backstory, you’re not entitled to know, and to deprive a child who may not have received love, care, and physical affection from receiving it another moment would be cruel. Prying and taking meticulous notice of the ways in which this child may be developmentally delayed when you KNOW she’s a foster kid and could have come from a home life in which she was not cared for makes you ignorant or a giant freaking jerk.

I’m gonna go with both here.” ExchangePowerful3225

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Doglady 1 day ago
YTJ What is the harm in her holding or carrying this child? What impact does it have on you? This child may have lots of medical conditions and your sister is trying hard to provide her with a safe and caring home. You need to go find out something about this child and foster care kids in general before you decide what is "appropriate".
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18. AITJ For Spoiling My Adopted Brother But Not My Foster Sister?

“I (29F) am my parents’ only biological child. They always wanted more kids, however they couldn’t have them.

They adopted my brother when he was 2, and I was 16. Obviously, I spent time with him, and we really bonded. Even though I live away, we still text every day, and I like to send him gifts of stuff that I know he likes just because it’ll make him happy.

Shortly before 2020, they took in a foster in her late teens. I obviously haven’t had much contact with her, and we don’t really talk. I do send her a gift or vouchers for what I’m told are her favorite stores at her birthday and holiday time.

But we just are not that close.

Anyway, my parents called and said they wanted to talk to me because apparently she’s hurt that my brother gets presents from me, and she doesn’t. It’s this whole thing in the house now because my brother will proudly show whatever I bought him, and she feels like I’m discriminating against her.

I’ve been told to either buy them both gifts or to stop getting anything for my brother and that I have to make an effort to call her too.

My parents seem to think I’m bullying the girl, but I don’t know; I just don’t feel close to her.

Does that make me the jerk?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. However, this is a sensitive time for her, and she reasonably feels displaced and is probably desperate to belong. Tell your parents you were not trying to make her feel excluded, but you have known your brother for the 13 years you grew up with him.

New “sister” is an unknown to you, and you don’t know them from a bar of soap, and phone calls are not likely to fix that in the short term. You are happy to buy her real presents (because money clearly isn’t the issue), but you are going to need some help doing that.

You can’t duplicate a 13-year relationship overnight and from across the country.

If you want to be kind, send your new sister a letter explaining that you didn’t mean to make her feel excluded, but due to distance and time, you don’t know each other very well yet, and you wanted her to be able to have something she wanted and liked. That you are sorry if gift vouchers made her feel less thought about; you just didn’t want to make a mistake assuming what a near adult might like, and you wanted to respect her individuality as a near adult.” Whitestaunton

Another User Comments:

“NTJ – the jerks are your parents. They aren’t parenting either teen. They need to tell their foster placement of 3 years that obviously, their son is going to get presents from his sibling he’s known for 13 years, and she should not take that personally.

You are NOT her sibling. Even if they decided to adopt her, she’s old enough to understand that you don’t know her. You buying presents for your brother has nothing to do with her status; it’s because you don’t know her personally.

They need to tell their son not to brag about presents from his sibling to someone who is from a really vulnerable situation and doesn’t have any such family. This would be true if the girl was a total stranger. It’s basic empathy.

It sounds like they have put their own feelings before their children at every point.

When both you and your brother reached teenage years, they got themselves a new child to play with. It’s not right to bring in fosters if this will have an adverse effect on children who already live in the household, and that’s what they’re doing: saying he can’t have a sibling relationship unless you spend money on the foster child, they’ve taken in for their own ego.” HiddenDestiny251

Another User Comments:

“So it sounds like you don’t live anywhere close to your parents. They have unrealistic expectations. Is the foster daughter hurt, I’m sure. Is it your fault? I don’t believe so. You cannot expect a relationship that has been growing over 13 years to be the same or have the same benefits as a relationship that literally does not exist.

Also, why do you have to call her? Is she not capable of reaching out to you? If she wants that relationship, she has to put in the effort to build it as well.

Tell your parents that in trying to make her feel better, they are alienating you and their son and causing irreparable damage to their relationships with the both of you.

Instead, they should be reaching out to the resources provided to help her understand and better settle into the family. Demanding equal treatment between a sibling and someone a half-step above a stranger is bad parenting and a recipe for fractured relationships for all involved.

Also, not to come off as a jerk, but even in the best of circumstances, there is a very real distinction between adoption and fostering. While she has been placed for a good amount of time, that can literally change at any moment if she’s not adopted. Or has she aged out?

It’s hard to tell because you said she was a late teen when she was placed, and it’s been about 3 years. NTJ.” Ok_Professor283

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17. AITJ For Teaching My Wife How To Properly Wash Dishes?

“My wife is so neglectful when it comes to chores and does a half-hearted job. Today was the third time this week I found a glob of residue on my plate, and I lost it.

I grabbed the plate and brought my wife over to the sink and demonstrated to her how to properly scrub the entire plate, and she just zoned off and stared into space.

I told her to stop being disrespectful and watch my demonstration because she clearly doesn’t understand how to wash the dishes properly (or maybe now that I think about it, she is just pretending to be incompetent at it.) She started crying when I said this and told me to leave her alone, and she ran to the bathroom.

Now I feel bad for making her cry, but I am sick of her not doing a proper job. AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. From my personal experience, this sounds like weaponized incompetence. She’s purposely being bad at doing house chores so you get too frustrated with her crap job, and you end up doing all the housework.

Yeah, you come off as a jerk because initially, it sounds like you’re just degrading her over a missed spot (which does happen) and treating her like a child. However, it sounds like she does this all the time. I do think you can be better about communicating your frustration, but if this is a daily issue, then it’s understandable why you come off as rude when you’re just over it.” Reddit user

Another User Comments:

“There were better ways to approach it. Like just mentioning that the dishes are usually dirty and asking if there’s a reason she rushes through it.

For years, my mom couldn’t figure out why an honor student who could create most things couldn’t wash dishes or clean a floor properly even if I tried for hours.

Turns out, I had undiagnosed ADHD. To this day, I still struggle with it. My brain literally can’t focus on the floor long enough to not miss dirt, even when I want to clean it properly. So like. Don’t make assumptions that someone isn’t trying because they fail at a simple task!

FYI I’m not assuming she has ADHD. It was an anecdotal example that sometimes people struggle with “invisible” hurdles. Things that make it harder to accomplish an otherwise simple task. Maybe it looks easy to clean a dish, but heck, some people are struggling with crap they don’t even know how to articulate.” JustMissKacey

Another User Comments:

“I’m gonna go on a whim here and say NTJ. If your wife and you are dividing the chores equally, and you have noticed this trend with a variety of chores consistently but also have evidence that she CAN do these chores well and is actively choosing not to unless it benefits her personal life, then yea, you’re NTJ, and she’s being disrespectful towards the house you BOTH live in.

She had a responsibility as one of the homeowners to upkeep it. If these were just dishes or something, then it would be a different story, but if it’s also vacuuming and whatnot, then yea, she’s the problem in my opinion.” Temporary_Concept_29

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Bookoholic 6 days ago
ESH. You could have been more diplomatic and she could have been more adult. Simplest solution? Paper plates.
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16. AITJ For Canceling All My Wife's TV Subscriptions That She Got Behind My Back?

“I don’t know if she’s trying to play some sort of Pokémon “gotta-catch-‘em-all” but for TV subscriptions, but my wife subscribed to over 15 TV services that cost monthly bills without even letting me know beforehand.

I found out while checking my account today.

I asked her why she needed all these subscriptions, and she said that it’s nice to have more variety. I was really upset she decided to go behind my back and purchase all these things, so I canceled the subscriptions and told her she could watch free stuff instead and learn to ask me next time before spending my money.

She threw a tantrum and called me a jerk. AITJ?

Details:

  1. wife does no housework, we have a maid
  2. wife decided to quit her job despite my wishes two months into marriage
  3. we have no children
  4. divorce is not feasible in our cultural environment, it can potentially endanger both of our families physically due to religious authorities and extremists present
  5. my money is singularly in my account, not joint
  6. she looked through my work bag for my credit card to get the subscriptions without my knowledge.”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. A subscription can happen again. It’s not a forever scenario of a one-and-done cancellation. Most often they send a deal to get you back to subscribe.

Nobody got hurt. Except for some feelings on both sides of the parties involved. TV is one of the worst time sucks in existence that dulls humans. It’s excessive to have that many in my opinion, and I can understand the variety aspect to an extent.

You should have a say in how the money you earn is spent for the household. She had a say without informing you, which is greasy. And she didn’t work for it which is double greasy. Let her know that communicating on needs such as subscription for TV service(s) needs to involve you if money is involved since she doesn’t add to the pot.

A little hard on the approach, a line had to be drawn in the sand though. Setting boundaries is necessary, and she crossed an imaginary one that wasn’t established yet. Walk it back some if you’d like. She needs to ask/talk about these extracurricular activities.” HerrAdventure

Another User Comments:

“Screw it, I’ll be the first to say. Not enough info. At first, when I heard she bought it without telling you, and you canceled it without telling her, then I was like ESH. Then when I heard, “She stole my credit card to get it,” I was like, nah, NTJ.

Then, someone pointed out some very relevant questions. What culture is this? Many cultures with anti-divorce laws also tend to be hostile toward women in the work sector. What kind of jobs could she get? What is the kid situation? Is it you both don’t want kids, trying for kids, what?

And you said dangerous for both families, so another comment pointed out that some countries have a social stigma around women doing housework, saying it makes the household look poor. I don’t think I can answer this question as I have an inherited Western mindset and not being aware of which culture I am analyzing, I have no way to accurately and fairly judge this.” deleted

Another User Comments:

“I am going with technically NTJ – since it was your money, however, I don’t know what kind of work your wife did, and how pleasant or otherwise it must be to be a woman working in a country where to get divorced is physically dangerous to you and your family, but I can say it doesn’t sound like fun.

You have 100% of the power in your relationship, and she has no savings of her own and hence no autonomy. She definitely needs to get a job – and keep all her money for herself – and have some actual autonomy and agency because at the moment, you don’t have a wife/life partner you have a dependent child who quite literally can’t escape.

She may well be depressed, lonely, and feeling powerless – Escapism via TV is one way to remove yourself from what may be quite frankly an intolerable situation, or else it might be a means of getting you to pay more attention to her as a person – after all, once it impacted your money you noticed, didn’t you?” Seriouslydude-no-way

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Doglady 1 day ago
WOW. I would say, that if you want the services, get a job. She is probably bored if she has no job and does not clean the house. So she needs to work or clean. You said she quit her job so I assume there are no strictures about women working. So, if she wants the subscriptions, she works at least part-time to pay for them. Sounds so dang boring to do nothing!!
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15. AITJ For Boycotting My Mother-In-Law's House For Trying To Make Us Pay For A Chair I Broke?

“Ever since I turned 30, my MIL has been a complete nutcase because I haven’t given her a grandchild (I don’t plan on having kids).

When my husband is not around, she will make disparaging remarks about my weight even though my BMI is healthy, how my husband earns way more than I do (when I met him, I earned more), and the fact that I’m on anti-depressants for a diagnosed mental illness.

I have tried to set boundaries with her in the past, but this has not worked.

Fast forward to this week and I went over for a birthday celebration. I sat on an outside chair (which I believe was already weather-damaged), and it cracked. I apologized profusely saying it was an accident, and everyone said it’s fine, and I mustn’t worry about it.

Forward to last night, my husband told me that my MIL sent him an invoice for $200 for the chair. She did not send the invoice to me because she didn’t think I could afford to replace, in her words, a “not cheap” chair.

I slept on the matter and decided to send her a diplomatic message saying that I wouldn’t be coming to her house anymore because I’m afraid I’ll break more expensive things.

I told her my husband is a grown man and is free to go as he wishes, and I will not prevent him from seeing her, but I have had enough of all her antics.

This has now turned into a whole family drama.

So, AITJ for refusing to go to her house in the future?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. This MIL sounds horrendous. Making disparaging comments about your weight is bad enough on its own, but ragging about your depression and your salary (which sounds like it’s good anyway?) put her just way over the line.

Have you told your husband about this?

He should stand up for you, as his spouse. Although, maybe you should’ve just told her that you didn’t want to go over because of how she treats you, instead of possibly breaking more expensive stuff. She’ll just use it as ammo to make up stories about you being clumsy, broke, petty, etc.

I know it’s beside the point, but: as far as furniture prices go, $200 for a chair isn’t even that crazy, and if you were making more than your husband when you met, then I’m sure you can afford it…” missy20201

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Your MIL has been treating you like garbage.

The chair was just the last straw. There is absolutely no reason why you should have to subject yourself to repeated and ongoing drama “because family.” That would be insane.

As for the chair, if you were doing something inappropriate or tripped and fell into the chair or otherwise MISHANDLED it and it broke, I would say that perhaps you should replace it.

But YOU WERE USING IT AS INTENDED, AND IT BROKE UNDERNEATH YOU. That implies that you did not, in fact, “break it,” but rather, that it was either regular wear and tear, or the chair was faulty, and you were a victim, as it were, rather than a perpetrator of breakage upon her beloved piece of furniture.

As such, it’s not your responsibility to replace it at all.

She should be apologizing to you that her old chair left you dumped on the floor. The fact that she very rudely not only wants you to pay for it but INVOICED you as though you were some sort of distasteful person she barely knows …very telling.

You are NTJ and absolutely right not to subject yourself to this woman anymore. Good for you.” FoolMe1nceShameOnU

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. I hate when one or more members of an entitled family-in-law have the tendency to carelessly mistreat somebody just because he/she must visit and show respect.

Doesn’t matter what they do. You adopted the right solution, you don’t have to keep going to her house if she despises you that much and takes any chance to “covertly” insult you. Explaining it yourself in your own words and to the correct person is the more mature and considered way to face it.

Good for you, enjoy your peace, and sorry for your husband if he still has to deal with it. Not your drama.” AhoraMeLoVenisADecir

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14. AITJ For Leaving My Intoxicated Mom Alone At A Restaurant?

“I (25M) was out to eat with my mom (54). It was going well for the most part, but she often has too much to drink. I also drove her there.

She was complaining about “woke” education and ended up saying that parents have a right to teach their kids racist/bigoted things if they want, and it is not the school’s place to try to change it.

I got up and left and told her to find her own way home. She got all dramatic and called my grandma and aunt crying. Said I “was mean to her” and “yelled at her before abandoning her.” She ended up taking an Uber home.

Family members think I need to apologize because, although we disagree, I had no right to leave her there. AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“ESH. Look, what she said in the first part is actually true – the parents do have a right to teach their kids whatever.

Part of growing up and maturing into your own self comes from your surroundings as a child. Sometimes children embrace it; sometimes they resent it, but regardless… they have that right.

However, I disagree with the second piece of, “It is not the school’s place to try to change it.” Wrong.

The public school system is built on communities, for communities. If they have opportunities to embrace diversity and inclusion, they have every right to do so. Parent doesn’t like it? Homeschool or some elitist private school. What you did, especially if you just got up and left without saying anything, doesn’t help anyone.

It isn’t really punishing her (just an inconvenience), and it doesn’t teach her a lesson.

I think people like her, that think these things, can only be changed by having a conversation that isn’t in an echo chamber. Also, a lot of this ‘woke’ verbiage is just fallout from watching crappy mainstream news channels, such as Fox.

I recommend you either say, ‘I don’t want to talk about it’ or try holding a calm conversation with her if you actually care how she perceives the world.” shibbyman342

Another User Comments:

“The number of comments supporting OP’s decision is ridiculous. YTJ. Absolutely, YTJ.

I’m not going to defend the content of what OP’s mom said, but that’s not the important part. The important part is that OP felt it was okay to abandon their own mother while she was in a vulnerable state because she blabbed something non-PC after a few drinks.

In most people’s lives, their mother accepts them as they are. Only your mother is there for you when you’re down on your luck. Only your mother cared for you when you were sick. Only your mother forgave you when you were at your worst. And you betray all of that for what?

Some social credit points from race-obsessed charlatans? She said something stupid, and you reacted stupidly. Right now, though, the important thing is to apologize to each other and mend this. This is one case where your personal feelings are not the most important thing.” theyosed1

Another User Comments:

“I’ll go against the grain and say YTJ. Your mum didn’t say racist things (unless she said more than you’ve stated above); she said that people should be able to teach their children racist things. Big difference. It certainly sounds like she is racist, but from what you’ve said above, she didn’t say anything racist. Even if she had said racist things, I can’t imagine that this is lightning from a clear sky.

You knew she was opposed to “woke” before you went out to dinner with her, right? Then all she did was voice something you know she already thought. And you left her there for it. You elected to go out with her knowing her opinion; then she tells you about it and you desert her.

Bad play.” Vix_Satis

Another User Comments:

“NTJ – racism and bigotry should be a HARD boundary for everyone. Doesn’t matter who said it. I appreciate you standing up to her. It means quite a bit to those not like yourself. People who believe her nonsense are just as much of a problem.

Same hard boundary. I’d simply say I love you, but this is my boundary, and if you cannot agree not to cross it, we will not discuss this topic any further.” Juno1990

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. OP you left her at a restaurant, not at an unsafe location.

She’s a racist bigot, and no one should be subjected to that crap. She got home safely so no issues there. Family members who want you to apologize are probably also racist bigots and should be ignored. I recommend LC/NC with these jerks and finding a new accepting family instead.

Family doesn’t have to be blood relatives.” Capital-Cheesecake67

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Doglady 1 day ago
I do not care what color anyone is. I just believe that we all need to obey the laws--no stealing, no looting, no guns against others. I do believe that a lot of teaching needs to be done in the home. But NOT teaching racism. That leads to hate which leads to what is happening in this country now. I would have had to tell her that is not something that I believe in and we will not discuss it. If she had continued to push the matter, I probably would have left her there. At a restaurant, not on a dark street corner folks. She was able to Uber home. No damage to her other than hurt feelings. Anyone who seems to think teaching racism is okay cannot play the "hurt feelings" card when they don't care about others feelings.
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13. AITJ For Embarrassing A Classmate In Front Of Everyone?

“I (Indonesian F19) am part of a racial equality discussion board at my university. At yesterday’s discussion, we were talking about the pressures to conform and lose touch with one’s culture.

One girl (White American F20,) who is usually very shy spoke up yesterday to make a point about culturally conforming through names. She mentioned how she noticed that my name is apparently “white,” and how she deeply empathizes with my parents and how they must have apparently chosen a white name for me so I could assimilate and avoid bullying.

She then went on a tangent about how she thinks people of color should never have to feel ashamed about their beautiful ethnic names and how it’s a shame that they feel pressured by society to do so. While I agreed with her point, my name sounds American not because my parents were trying to assimilate into white culture, but because we come from a Christian community that uses Biblical names a lot.

This has been the tradition for a long time, even back to when my family lived in Indonesia.

I clarified and explained the reality behind my name after she finished her ideas. The group started awkwardly laughing, and she turned red and mumbled an apology for assuming.

After the meeting, she texted me to say that I didn’t need to embarrass her in front of the group, and now she feels discouraged from speaking up in the group again since she is usually reserved and this was one of her first times contributing.

I insisted that I didn’t mean to hurt her feelings but that she shouldn’t have assumed things about my name and family. I feel bad for discouraging her though, AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“Still NTJ, but I came back as this reminds me of Romesh Ranganathan, a UK comedian with Sri Lankan parents.

From Wikipedia – “Ranganathan is known by his middle name Romesh. He did not find out until he started school that his first name, as stated on his birth certificate, was Jonathan. During his live show, Irrational, Ranganathan recalled that his parents explained to him that this was because they were concerned his name would otherwise sound too ‘ethnic’ when applying for jobs as an adult.” If you Google his stand-up (he’s bloody hilarious so if you haven’t heard of him look him up) he makes a comment about the Ranganathan name being a bit of a giveaway, so Jonathan was pointless.” stropette

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. So I’m going to make a wild guess here and say this girl feels very passionate about social justice, so she joined this group but now feels self-confident about speaking up, and the first time she did, she said something stupid and now feels dumb.

Maybe talk to her in person. Say that you really appreciate her contribution and feel like she made a lot of really good points. Also, people of color aren’t a monolith, and what is true for someone isn’t true for everyone. For example, even though your religion doesn’t trace back to white colonialism, colonialism has been happening for a long time, and people may consider religion, and therefore, biblical names, as part of their culture.

It seems like part of this purpose (or at least in my perspective for this thing to function this would need to be true) is to have a safe space for discussion. It doesn’t really do that if you have to let her make assumptions about your experience.” exhauta

Another User Comments:

“NTJ at ALL.

1) Frankly, OP is right. The girl has no right to make those assumptions about OP. Her idea that OP’s name is “white” implies that there is some assumption about what an Indonesian name “should” be, and IMO that’s a relevant issue to discuss in a conversation about race.

2) This was a DISCUSSION. A discussion inherently involves ideas being responded to, agreed with, argued about, or criticized. She should have been prepared for the possibility that someone might disagree with her or correct her. As long as OP did so politely (and it seems like she did), I see no issue.

3) There might have been other people in the discussion group who made the same assumptions as the girl. Addressing the issue in private would have deprived them of the chance to learn something.

4) OP seems much more concerned about the other girl’s emotions than the other girl cares about OP’s…

5) STANDING UP FOR YOURSELF DOES NOT MAKE YOU A BAD PERSON.

OP, as a fellow WOC, I’ve had to correct too many assumptions. I applaud you for standing up for yourself, and also for being willing to take part in these kinds of conversations (because for me they can be exhausting sometimes).

Also, to be honest, you’re a better person than me because I would’ve SAID some crap… so good for you.” Free-Prometheus-12

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12. AITJ For Yelling At My Mom For Feeding Me Dairy When I'm Lactose Intolerant?

Her mom knew, too.

“I (20F) have recently become lactose intolerant. I’m not sure whether it’s due to being food poisoned twice or just developed on its own. Either way, I can’t handle dairy as much as I used to.

I was never fond of dairy and my mother (54F) knew this.

When I told her, she first thought I was lying to avoid cheese altogether. I can still eat it but it hurts to stomach it. I once accidentally drank my sister’s coffee and forgot it had full-fat milk; I ended up paying the price for 30 minutes on the toilet.

The point is, I knew for certain I couldn’t handle any type of dairy and those were confirmations to my mother.

However, a few days ago, my mother made lunch and said she used lactose-free cheese on the lasagna. I believed her and got myself a full plate of it (I love lasagna).

I couldn’t even make it halfway until I practically sprinted for the toilet.

My mother claimed I’m just “not used to dairy anymore,” so she suggested I eat more dairy so my body can work around it. I absolutely blew up on her and screamed in her face.

My sister (22F) said I was being dramatic, so I stormed off to my room.

I don’t think screaming was the right reaction, and I feel bad that I perhaps had been dramatic. However, I don’t know if I can ever trust my mother again after that incident, so I’m just conflicted right now.

AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. I actually developed lactose intolerance when I was closer to your mother’s age than you. Some people (not me) of our age despair over the ‘new’ allergies/intolerances cropping up – Peanut allergies were unheard of in my childhood. Gluten?

What the heck even IS gluten? Stuff like that. Anyway, in the past half-decade or so, I realized dairy products were causing the reaction you eloquently put as ‘I ended up paying the price (etc).’ In my case, I owned it. I love ice cream.

Always have, my entire life. The argument of ‘not used to dairy anymore,’ as if there’s some dairy muscle that can atrophy, is insane. Here’s proof: I still enjoy ice cream, whipped cream, and chocolate milk to this day. I do so knowing the price I will pay.

My continued consumption of these products has not lessened their effect. In fact, I can almost set a clock to it.

You’re 100% NTJ. Your family is KIIIIIIINDA the jerk. However, has anyone discussed or told you about supplements such as Lactaid? I personally don’t use them, I welcome the pain, but in my case, there’s no family friction, and in your case, perhaps it could help.

I’m not saying you should do so to appease others, mind you! But perhaps you could relate my experience and at the very least, make them acknowledge that you need supplements instead of whatever insane ‘intense dairy therapy’ they think is called for.” aytaidunno

Another User Comments:

“Shouldn’t have screamed at your mom but NTJ as she should not have fed you real cheese. I developed/was diagnosed with lactose intolerance when I was around your age. I ate quite a bit of dairy prior to that. In lactose intolerance, one’s body stops being able to produce enough of the lactase enzyme to digest dairy.

Assuming this is the cause of your symptoms, no amount of dairy is going to help. If you can, might be helpful to see a doctor in case there is another reason that may be causing a temporary sensitivity. I was diagnosed via a nasty blood test so there was no doubt (thank goodness for lactase tablets!).

My mom, however, was lactose sensitive for a few years and used lactase tablets for a while when eating dairy but later found she no longer needed them.” dorothea1756

Another User Comments:

“While screaming isn’t always the best – to be honest, I find being cool and calm freaks people out more when I should be angry – you are NTJ.

Your mother deliberately lied to you. She messed with your food — and you don’t mess with someone’s food restrictions no matter how much you disagree. Your mother caused you pain — you would be right to apologize for screaming and then tell her that you will no longer be dining with her, and will be taking a step back from seeing her until you feel ready.

I’m lactose intolerant. It sucks. I have had reactions so bad it’s caused inflammation of the bowels. Which, by the way, sucks.

Depending on how old your mother is, she may be of the old-school mentality of “exposure in small doses can cure allergies,” etc. …but lactose intolerance is not a dairy allergy.

It’s closer to diabetes where instead of your body not producing enough insulin, it’s not producing enough of the enzymes needed to consume dairy safely. She needs education — but it is not your job to do that.

For yourself, lactaid pills or chewables are a boon for when you really want something.

Depending on how severe your intolerance is, you could be able to have some aged cheeses, as some cheeses naturally break down the lactose into sugar as they age. But if you are not comfortable experimenting with where the line is, don’t. But you’re not the jerk.

Protect your gut peace – and be glad this wasn’t during the great toilet paper shortage of 2020, because you’d have to bill your mother for every square she made you use.” punnymama

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Doglady 1 day ago
NTJ I have struggled with dairy issues. As a teenager I had lots of stomach issues. My mother kept forcing milk on me, which was the opposite of what was needed!! So more issues and my mother thought I just didn't want to go to school, not that I was having stomach issues. Went to the hospital for about 48 hours and all was good. Why, they let me drink tea instead of milk. This was back when dairy issues were not well documented. When I moved out of my mother's house (married), my stomach and I settled. But I was not drinking milk. I love cheese and use the ages cheeses in limited quantities but I still don't drink milk and it has been a lot of years. But I still get some symptoms just because of the dairy in food in general. And yogurt is NOT good for me.
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11. AITJ For Purposely Blocking Someone's View At A Sports Game?

“My partner and I attended a sports game recently and a big part of this event is the major sponsor: KFC. The whole league gives out KFC buckets to wear on your head in the colors of your team. I usually wear this at every game I attend and have no visibility problems with the people behind me.

However on this particular game – the woman behind me DID have an issue. As soon as I put on my bucket she blurted out loudly: “Are you freaking serious?” I chose to ignore the remark and left my bucket on. This comment was followed by many many more throughout the game, such as when her male friend would make a comment about his team she would say loudly, “Well, I wouldn’t know because I can’t see” and when my partner and I went to grab a beverage and returned to our seats she again blurted out: “Great, I can’t wait to not see again.” My partner texted me throughout to ask if she was talking about me and I responded with: “I won’t entertain her comments.

If she asks me nicely, I’ll pretend I didn’t realize and take it off straight away.”

I took this approach for the whole game – if she asked me nicely I would take it off my head without hesitation but I refused to reward her bad manners.

She went to the extent of swapping seats with her male friend in the second half of the game but still made remarks out loud such as: “See, I told you you can’t see,” “Do you understand why I’m upset now,” but he brushed it off and didn’t make a fuss.

So AITJ for knowing that I was obstructing her view but chose to match her pettiness about the situation?”

Another User Comments:

“ESH, being at an event in public means you have to coexist with others and both you and the lady failed. You put on a large hat without making sure you wouldn’t block the view of the one sitting behind you.

But she should have just told you she couldn’t see and asked you to take it off. Instead, the both of you were horrible people. You knew you were blocking her view, and your partner asked you about it, and you continued in this really childish manner.

But the lady behind you also did some lousy whining instead of just communicating with you.” Waste-Phase-2857

Another User Comments:

“YTJ. “Rewarding bad manners” is such a ridiculous power trip and demonstrates such a lack of self-awareness. Bad manners is wearing a bucket that obstructs other people’s view.

Yes, she could’ve been nicer about it, but you were being inconsiderate and oblivious in the first place. To use your logic, why should she reward your bad manners by asking nicely? You should’ve taken it off when you realized she couldn’t see.” deleted

Another User Comments:

“Now listen I’ve never been to the cricket nor even watched it on TV willingly, so I can’t speak to how common the buckets are. But they are common enough that even I know about them. I’m going against popular opinion here and going NTJ because I would have done the exact same for the exact same reason: she never asked you.

She chose the petty path of complaining loudly so why is it your responsibility to not be petty back? If she had tapped you on the shoulder and let you know she couldn’t see I am sure you would have taken it off or even swapped seats so she could see.

So yeah you are NTJ.” ConsistentVersion337

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Not once was this woman talking to you and honestly you might even be considered the jerk for eavesdropping on what appears to be a private conversation between herself and one of her personalities. Anyone who says YTJ probably doesn’t understand the nuance of BBL or any version of 20/20 cricket.

This is a sport that has been designed for spectators and the short form of fast-paced, no-nonsense cricket. If anything, it’s unAustralian of her to act this way, and someone should revoke her pet kangaroo license immediately.” lildorado

Another User Comments:

“YTJ, you knew the bucket was obstructing her view and wore it anyway.

Yes, she should have asked nicely but really you shouldn’t be putting a bucket on your head and obstructing people’s views and she wouldn’t need to ask. I’m on the short side and that would have irritated the heck out of me.

She has as much right to enjoy the game as you but you were selfish and took that away from her.” eilb3

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10. AITJ For Kicking Out My Housemate's Friends For Throwing Away My Food?

“I (20f) was celebrating my birthday, and my best friend and housemate (Mike) invited some of his friends (Jake and John).

We ordered takeout, but because I had been drinking, I didn’t eat much and decided to save it for later.

I ended up going to bed, but some people decided to stay up.

When I woke up, I went to get my kebab but couldn’t find it anywhere. I asked Jake and John where it was since they said they had cleaned the kitchen for us, and they said they threw it away.

I should note that I had put it on a plate and put the plate in the microwave overnight.

I gave them a look and asked why. The kebab was massive – it took up the whole of a 12-inch pizza box and I ate maybe 4 bites.

I had also paid for it, so it was $15 down the drain (which is a lot for me, honestly). They couldn’t give me an answer, but I was just frustrated and told them to leave. I don’t know what it was about the situation, but it bugged me so much.

Mike came downstairs and asked what was going on and I explained. He said they should stay but they said it would be awkward and left. After they left, Mike said I was being overdramatic and petty. He said it was an honest mistake. I asked how throwing away a whole plate of food was a mistake?

AITJ?

I hadn’t planned on leaving it in the microwave all night. I had planned on eating it later that hour but passed out.”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Where you store food in your own home is your business. Plenty of people pop it on the side covered up or in the microwave to come back to later on.

It’s usually obvious when that’s the case too. You fell asleep, and they likely ate your food by the way; no guest is cleaning up and throwing food away after less than 2 hours. Potentially an overreaction to kick them out, but sounds like the party was over by then anyway.” AlreadyTakenUsrname1

Another User Comments:

“Jake and John do not live there. That’s all the information you need. They do not have the right to decide to throw food away belonging to people who live in the house, particularly not most of OP’s meal. Other people might be right, they probably ate it.

Either way, it should have stayed in the microwave. Also, $15, that’s a decent amount of money. I don’t know why people are brushing that off. NTJ, OP, and Jake and John owe you $15.” deleted

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. The kebab was only an HOUR AND A HALF old!

When OP went to eat it, other people were still eating food that had arrived at the same time. This isn’t leftovers; this is an entire meal that OP hadn’t eaten the moment it arrived. Food sits out for longer than that in a buffet restaurant!

I’m firmly in the camp that thinks they ate it. Other people were still there and still eating, and no one else’s food went missing. Why would they suddenly decide to clean the kitchen in the middle of a birthday party, before anyone has left?

For those freaking out about food safety, it wasn’t out anywhere near long enough, unless OP’s kitchen is full of flies. Putting it in the microwave was perfectly normal too. I don’t like to leave food uncovered even for a short while, but hot food never goes in the fridge.

In the absence of a cover of some kind, it’s absolutely going in either the oven or the microwave. I’ll also eat food that’s been out overnight, in certain circumstances. We don’t have heating in our entire house, and if the kitchen is colder than the darn fridge, leaving food out is fine.” Entorien_Scriber

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9. AITJ For Ignoring My Stepdaughter When She Uses Slang To Embarrass Me?

“My husband had his daughter later in life, so when I entered the picture, I was quite older with no children of my own, and as such, have not kept up with a lot of current trends and slang.

My stepdaughter (let’s call her Mary) and I got along fine when she was younger, but things have been more difficult as she’s entered her teenage years. We’re pretty close because her birth mother isn’t in the picture, and I’ve practically raised her her whole life (she calls me “Mom”).

The issue is that recently she’s been using a lot of slang around me to purposefully embarrass me in front of others. To be clear, I have no problem with the usage of slang, social media, etc. I understand it’s a natural thing for people to communicate with each other.

My problem is that I don’t necessarily understand the context behind the words (and I’ve tried to do some research, but I feel like it’s not the same as actually living and understanding it). For example, she recently asked me a question during our carpool using a term that I didn’t understand, and she and her friends were laughing at the situation.

I later found out that the joke/reference she was making was inappropriate, and it greatly embarrassed me.

I tried to talk to her, her father has tried to talk to her, but to no avail. The issue is that recently I was carpooling again, and she tried to pull a joke on me again.

I ended up just completely ignoring her when she asked me a question. The car ended up getting really awkward for the rest of the ride.

When we got home, Mary blew up and said that I embarrassed her in front of her friends. My husband says I was petty for not playing along or addressing the issue.

But I feel like I would have “lost” either way (i.e. admonishing her in front of her friends vs. ignoring the question). I’m also frustrated because I’ve already addressed the situation countless times.

Either way, things are tense at home, and now I’m really wondering if I was the jerk?”

Another User Comments:

“You are not the jerk. Your stepdaughter is wanting to use you as the butt of jokes to look good in front of her friends. That is how teenagers can act, but it doesn’t make it right. Your husband being okay with this makes no sense at all to me.

He should have your back, and you both should be a united front to remind your daughter that bullying and intimidating behavior meant to make someone feel uncomfortable and unwelcome do not have age boundaries. She would likely not stand for a friend doing that to her, so why does your stepdaughter think it is okay to do to you?

Stand your ground on this not only for yourself but really for your stepdaughter too. She needs to understand why she is behaving so terribly wrong.” anitarielleliphe

Another User Comments:

“NTJ, but perhaps you need to explain that it hurts your feelings when she and her friends laugh at you.

That just because you’re an adult doesn’t mean you don’t feel embarrassed. And maybe relate to her that the way she felt embarrassed on the awkward ride home is exactly the same way you felt. The only thing that caused it both times was her.

She needs to understand that people of every age have feelings, and it’s not fun to be the butt of jokes like this, and that you would rather ignore her when she’s being mean to you than engage with her and feel stupid for it.

Explaining the consequences of her choices in regards to you may be helpful, I dunno.” Wilted_Peony

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. It’s funny, but you did exactly what I do in such a situation: ignore the behavior. It squashes it pretty quickly when they don’t get the reaction they want.

It’s worked all of my life. My parents did the same thing. Or, I do something surprising.

I know this dates me, but there was a time in high school when a girl tried to get a rise out of me by calling me square.

(That was a big insult then.) I smiled my best smile and thanked her and told her I considered it a compliment. She was speechless for nearly a full minute, then she said, “You may be square, but I like you!” We never were friends, but we were friendly after that.

Your husband is wrong. Once again explain to Mary that what she’s doing is mean and rude. And that from now on you’ll be ignoring it.” Intermountain-Gal

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Doglady 1 day ago
Ignoring rude behavior is better than a fight. She is being rude. Ignoring it is better than a fight. Your spouse needs to stand up for you. His daughter is bullying you. Just because she is younger than you does not mean it is not bullying.
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8. AITJ For Intentionally Ignoring An "Emergency" Text From My Coworker?

“Earlier this week, I handed in my notice because they have been mistreating me. I felt so relieved handing in my notice because I will finally be free from this toxic work environment.

During my notice period, I am tasked with training one of my coworkers (John) on how to complete my tasks while wrapping up my work.

I work 9-5 remote, and I used to work many overtime hours (it was expected of us), but I decided to no longer stay back since I resigned. After handing in my notice, I made it clear to my coworkers that I end at 5.

During the day, I remind John (who I am training) that I will be ending at 5 every day.

I train him for most of the day, and we take small breaks every now and then to address our other work and emails.

John always leaves all his questions until the end of our training session when I tell him I will be logging off.

Last time, I stayed back an extra 15 minutes to answer him. I was a bit annoyed since I gave him opportunities to ask earlier.

Now I end our training sessions at 4:50 pm to leave room for questions or to address other work for the remaining 10 minutes.

But John doesn’t have any questions until after 5. At 5:01 pm or later, John would message me on Teams, “I have a question” or try calling straight away as I’m trying to log off. The way John asks questions on Teams is he tells you he has a question and then waits for you to respond before elaborating.

At that point, I continue to log off because I can respond the next day.

On Thursday, John tried calling me on Teams after 5 again. When I logged off, John texted my personal phone an hour later, “I have a question,” and “It’s an emergency” (it was not), and I ignored it.

Friday morning, I asked John what his question was, but John was angry that I didn’t respond to him on Thursday. He said that since I’m working remote, it’s no big deal for me to stay back a couple of minutes or even log back on since it’s not like I’m driving my way back to the office.

I told John that I’m firm with leaving at 5, and his questions will have to wait for the next day, but I do feel bad because my work laptop is right there. I can just log back on, but I’ve been overworked for so long and even had a breakdown in a team meeting.

AITJ for ignoring my coworker’s messages and calls after 5 pm even though I’m remote?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. I wonder if John is nervous about his ability to cover after you have gone or wants to set up that he’s being improperly trained or “left with unanswered questions.” Even worse, is he trying to prime you to expect phone calls all day and night AFTER you leave?

I can see it now, Monday at 9 am… Well, you aren’t working, OP, so surely you can answer my calls…

Your approach is great. I wouldn’t do anything differently (OK, maybe throughout the day, I’d sarcastically remind him that he can ask questions at ANY TIME during the day and then finally at 4:50 pm, so please THINK about what you’ve demonstrated, so we don’t have 5:01 pm panics again.)” SienteElBern

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. My role ended up with nights and weekends masquerading as work time too. Since I recently reset expectations with my boss, I’ve thought about this a lot – you don’t bug people with stuff that can wait. You don’t let your lack of organization turn into someone else’s problem.

While I do hold a higher position and am given enough money/perks that I will answer appropriate questions or do emergency projects myself, I will NOT ask others, especially those who aren’t at my level to do the same. And someone who has given notice?

They shouldn’t be bothered. Yeah, make sure things have been transitioned properly, but it needs to be in standard work hours. This guy would be out of line even without your imminent departure situation because he has plenty of time to ask you while you are actually working.

Remote or in-person doesn’t make a difference.” SnooPets8873

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. He needs to learn better time management. Even though you are remote, how does he know that you don’t have to pick up your kid from daycare, or something of that sort?

I work from home and will occasionally answer a question here and there shortly after 5, but everyone I work with knows that they probably won’t get a response until the next day or after I put my kids in bed for the night. But that’s also the corporate culture in my department.

OP, you are leaving the company, so why worry about this? It’s nice of you to help out, but trust me, you will not be able to provide them with every bit of knowledge they need in this short time frame. Do what you can to leave on good terms, if that’s something you care about.

But right now, he needs to be the one bending over backward, not you. Don’t feel guilty for setting clear, healthy boundaries.” Unlikely-Reality-938

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7. AITJ For Degrading My Partner For Counting On Her Fingers?

I still count on my fingers too, so…

“My partner and I were driving, and to make the time pass quicker, we were playing spelling bee. She would say a word, and I would spell it out.

After some time back and forth, we switched to me asking her how to do some math questions.

Namely, calculating the price after a percentage discount has been applied. After a few questions, I noticed that she was counting on her fingers to help her solve those questions that to me seemed easy, and I can do that in my head. Now I have no problem with her using whatever method to work out the answer; however, while she was counting on her fingers, I said, “It would be embarrassing if you did that in the office.” After that, there was silence in the car and some arguing.

I don’t feel like what I said is wrong as I wasn’t making fun of her for counting on her fingers; I was just stating that in an office environment counting on your fingers would be embarrassing. AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“YTJ – how can you sit there and say you’re not judging her while doing just that?

Not everyone can easily do math in their head and need help in other ways. Who cares if someone needs to use their fingers to help them through a math process? What may be considered easy for you to do in your head, doesn’t mean it is for the next person.

She’s upset with you and rightfully so.” Rainbow62993

Another User Comments:

“YTJ for your comment. You say you aren’t making fun of her, but you said her behavior is embarrassing?! That’s literally making fun of her. Making up a pretend environment doesn’t change that.

If you didn’t think it was embarrassing, you wouldn’t have thought it necessary to make the comment at all.” Honestly_A_Liar

Another User Comments:

“YTJ, you brought in a context that had no bearing on the game you were playing, just to say it’d be embarrassing.

I cannot think of a reason you’d do that, except to humiliate your girl. And just an FYI, in my work, I have to alphabetize files, so I run the ABCs through my head to remember the order and often hum the tune while doing so.

Absolutely no one cares or thinks less of me for doing so.” Snackpotato457

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6. AITJ For Disrupting My Neighbors' Sleep By Making Their Dogs Bark?

“I live in a small area, and I walk to the gym every day at 5:30 am.

However, both of my neighbors have their dogs outside their house (covered by a fence).

When I step outside my house, those dogs start barking like crazy, even though I never look at them directly. I guess they might be guard dogs?

Recently, my neighbor with the dogs started complaining to me that I am disrupting their sleep and making their dogs aggressive every early morning, but I told them I need to go the gym at that time and that it’s not my fault that the dogs are barking like crazy.

It’s not like I am walking over to those dogs; I just walk straight in the direction of the gym.

AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ, they should keep their own dogs quiet or inside. You shouldn’t have to change your routine because they can’t control their dogs barking.

I’m wondering if maybe some other neighbor complained about the noise to them to keep their dogs quiet and they are taking it out on you? Just to think differently, if you did want to keep things mellow in your neighborhood, is there an alternate route that doesn’t involve passing the dogs?

Maybe longer, but would avoid the uncomfortable situation. You’re on your way to the gym anyway so why not get some extra steps?” Top-Butterfly-9582

Another User Comments:

“To be honest, I’d start leaving at 4:30 AM to take a nice scenic route every morning and grab a coffee before I went to the gym.

When they complain about that, “Well if it’d help, I can start leaving at 5:30 AM” (kidding – no one should be up that early unless they have to go to or be at work). Regardless, NTJ, maybe they should keep their dogs inside until they’re ready to be responsible for them.

Regardless, not your problem.” Ghic_Chic

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. They are. Crappy dog owners result in dogs that bark at anything and everyone. My mom had neighbors like this for years. They see you every day, and you obviously aren’t a threat but they still bark.

That’s a lack of training and care. If they say something again, remind them you aren’t the one barking; their dogs are.” New_Shallot_7000

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Doglady 1 day ago
NTJ The poor dogs are left outside in the weather. My dogs will bark at things from inside the house but it is limited. None of the neighbors hear the barking but I do. I understand that they are warning me of things--like a squirrel on the tree. One dog only barks at true possible issues. The constant yapping of some dogs is due to their lack of socialization and lack of training. They have no other stimulation so they bark. The owners can bring their dogs inside and then the dogs will ignore you. You have a pefect right to walk to your gym!
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5. AITJ For Grounding My Stepson Even Though I'm Not His "Real Father"?

“I’m 47M, and my wife is 45F. She has 3 kids from her first marriage (24M, 16M, and 13F).

We have been married for 9 years. The kids have contact with their father but really see him maybe once every two months for a weekend (by his choice). So my wife and I do the actual parenting and have done so for the past decade.

I have a great relationship with the kids. To me, they are my children, and I love them to death.

Lately, my 16-year-old stepson Jack has been acting really moody and causing problems in school. I get that he is a teenager, and some of it has to be expected but not to this extent.

His teacher called me and my wife a few weeks ago to talk about him and informed us that he has been hanging out with a really bad crowd lately. We are talking substances and gangs type of crap.

We talked to him about it and set some ground rules which he has been pretty obedient about, or at least we thought so.

My wife is on a work trip this week, and yesterday, I overheard Jack talking on the phone about a “delivery.” I asked him what that was about, and after a few minutes, he confessed that he has been selling some pills for a friend.

I pretty much lost it and took his phone, grounded him, and told him that once his mom gets back home, we’ll discuss this together. He then yelled at me and said I have no right to punish him because I am not his father and am “just some guy.”

I then talked to my wife over the phone, and she backed up this temporary punishment until she gets home.

AITJ for punishing him?”

Another User Comments:

“Why are you on here asking if you’re wrong for trying to stop your stepson from selling substances?

If you need to ask, then maybe you shouldn’t be parenting. Of course you did the right thing, but selling pills isn’t “being responsible;” that is being a criminal and distributing substances. If he was caught by parents or police, he would be arrested and charged with possession of substances and distribution of them.

I will say, though, instead of punishing him hard or yelling at him, try and talk with him to figure out why he has gone down this path and see if he would seek therapy or counseling before he ends up in prison.” CreepyCarrie213

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. It might have been better if you could have consulted with your wife first, but if you caught Jack mid-deal, maybe jumping on this right away was for the best. It’s great that you and your wife are on the same page. Unfortunately, Jack is not.

It seems like Jack has issues unresolved from the divorce and possibly with custody arrangements. Getting him into counseling might help with his anger and resentment. It might be worth your while to apologize for losing your cool if you did but the phone removal stands, and he can discuss further when she gets home.

Matter of fact, no anger.

Is it possible for Jack to change classes or schools even to get away from the gangs? He might benefit from a different environment. It’s also troubling that Jack is into substances. I hope you and your wife had an honest talk with him about the real dangers of modern substances.

What he’s doing could possibly kill him. Kids his age feel immortal and can get in a hurry quickly. I think it’s important that you lay it down now that you will help him if he gets in any trouble rather than punish him so that if he gets in trouble, he doesn’t hide or look for more trouble.

Good luck.” 229-northstar

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. You are his parent; he’s just lashing out. You are protecting him as a good parent should. If he’s “selling for a friend,” he’s the scapegoat, so the “friend” won’t get caught. I have literally seen this before in my hometown.

He’s probably the mule for school since he’s a student, and the real seller can’t show up on a school campus because they’re an adult, and it would be weird. Then when the buyers get caught when they do something dumb like use the substances while at school and start tripping in Algebra II, they won’t say, “Oh, I Venmo’ed this dude from Craigslist.” They’ll say, “OP’s son” because now they still have their dealer and he can find a new scapegoat, and your kid goes to prison for dealing and has to check the “convicted felon” box for the rest of his life.

You are doing what a good dad should do. Don’t back down.” rabbitfluff345

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Doglady 1 day ago
NTJ He needed immediate discipline! This is not acceptable. You have been his "dad" for 9 years and have every right to determine punishment as his bio dad is no use. Your wife was out of town and you did what was needed. I'm sorry but I'm not on the side of the "unresolved issues" folks. Teenagers with still married parents go through this type of behavior and it just needs to be jumped on. Lack of rules is one of the worst things for kids in this country. Learning behavior and consequences are the way to stop some of the current issues. Parents who don't say no are the worst.
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4. AITJ For Refusing To Shop With My Partner's Daughter Because She's Spoiled?

The original poster later gave an update saying that she broke up with her partner after this situation.

“My partner has a 6-year-old daughter who is extremely spoiled by him and his ex-wife.

She has a room full of toys at his house piled up to the point where you can’t walk on one half of the room. My partner owns a company and makes a pretty solid income. I, on the other hand, work hard but pretty much live paycheck to paycheck.

Leading up to Christmas, he kept asking what I wanted and got me super hyped up. However, over Christmas, we went through a rough patch, and he told me he didn’t want to exchange gifts which was whatever. After the New Year, I then found out he paid one of his ex’s phone bills as a “thank you” for helping him wrap gifts.

His daughter got a ton of presents that I have never once seen her use.

Today, he tells me he has a $400 gift card he wants to go blow at Target on anything his daughter wants. His daughter even got on FaceTime to tell me she wants me to come watch her on her “shopping spree.” I told him that they should go have fun, and I’d sit this one out.

I know for a fact she is going to play with the $400 worth of toys, and by tomorrow, they will be in that pile forgotten. She never says thank you for anything, and her behavior is quite bad consistently. My partner hung up on me when I said that I didn’t want to go on their shopping spree and is saying I have an attitude.

AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. You did the right thing to say no, it would have irritated you to be there. But understand the child isn’t the problem. 6 is very young, and if this is how she’s raised, she thinks it’s normal. It’s actually very sweet that she wanted you to come along – she likes you.

BUT it does sound like you and your partner have different views on how children should be raised. Kids become a parent’s #1 priority. If THAT is how he and the mom are going to raise this child AND how your partner would treat any potential child that you two may have; this just may not be a compatible partner for you.” CarrieCat62

Another User Comments:

“A $400 shopping spree for a 6-year-old is doing one (or both) of two things:

1. Allowing him to feel like he’s doing a good job as a father–or showcase what he feels like is good parenting to others–in the absence of more meaningful things like spending time together.

2. An arm’s race with the child’s mother to win over the child’s love with material goods.

You’re right to not want to take part in this. While it’s fine if kids’ gifts during the holidays are worth more than the gifts for a partner, I would also feel salty about not receiving anything while a 6-year-old receives a $400 shopping spree that she doesn’t need. If I were you, I would be questioning the future of this relationship.

NTJ.” jogam

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. I’m engaged and have two kiddos and I’ll be their stepmom, 6 and 9. I think there’s for one a problem with boundaries in regard to him and his ex, but that could just be me. And if you’re planning on getting married/living together… Those big things should be discussed. Like “paying her bill.” I also understand the frustration of not hearing thank you to their dad for all they do.

Depending on how long/how your relationship is, maybe you can aid her in understanding the importance of thank you. It’s hard to tell what your relationship is with her and him. But I do understand your frustrations.

I’d run personally. It doesn’t seem like you’re really respected in this relationship, and it’s hard enough being with someone with a child who isn’t yours.

There needs to be a lot of extra communication, boundaries, and understanding. It takes a lot of work. And it seems like your opinion or place in the blended bunch is entirely respected.

It’s not the child’s fault. It’s the guilt of two parents being “Disney” parents and trying to overcompensate for the child having two homes.

He’s the one you need to talk to. He can either choose to parent and raise a lovely future adult, or he can choose to spoil and leave the parenting out. You can also choose what you do here too. You don’t have to stay.” Different_Ad751

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3. AITJ For Being Too "TMI" In My Do Not Disturb Sign?

“I’m a nursing mom, and I am fortunate to have my own office.

Initially, when I returned to work, I would just close my door and put up a sign asking people to please return in 15 minutes. Unfortunately, I’d still have people banging on the door every few minutes or trying to talk to me through the door or even jiggling the handle, asking if I could “just” whatever… My word that I need 15 undisturbed minutes wasn’t enough, and it made my pumping sessions really stressful (and anyone who’s ever pumped knows stress can really mess up the pumping and make it less efficient.)

So I amended the sign to say “Pumping–please return in 15 minutes.” That cut down on the disturbances, but apparently, now a couple of coworkers have complained that it’s TMI and making them uncomfortable. AITJ for outright announcing when I’m pumping?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ, seriously.

If you had included a picture of you pumping while giving the thumbs up with a massive grin, I’d agree it would be too much. Clearly, the ‘do not disturb’ is being disrespected, so you took appropriate action. It’s not like you’re doing something inappropriate in there, but by their ‘discomfort,’ you’d think it was.

I don’t know where in the world you are located, but where I’m from, you can breastfeed everywhere; it’s absolutely normal. (This feels relevant as pumping would be considered equally normal, though perhaps not in public, but that’s not what you’re doing so all G.) I wouldn’t see this being an issue in any workplace where I’m from.

They’d probably have a laugh about it and appreciate your straightforwardness instead. Being uncomfortable with that would be the exception and not the rule. Unless HR takes issue with it, I’d say pump away in the comfort of your office, enjoying being left alone as your colleagues have finally taken the message.” deleted

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. They are adults and can handle it. My old manager used to call us from her office while she was pumping because she couldn’t handle 15 minutes of not working. She used to tell everyone she was pumping, tell everyone how engorged and uncomfortable she was beforehand, etc. No shame.

Another used a sign that said, “Got Milk?” Lol, I had to pump in the car while driving as I drive a lot for work, in another coworker’s office, etc. No shame. Clearly, they need to know so they leave you alone.” OddNastySatisfaction

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. You can’t win–some people are going to knock no matter what you put on the sign, and others are offended that you refer obliquely to the fact that humans belong to Class Mammalia. At this point, everyone knows what you’re doing when the door is closed, so what is on the sign won’t matter.

But certainly adding that word helped you get more privacy.

We’re a small company, but when one woman was nearing her due date, management discussed whether to convert a small conference room to a “Mother’s Lounge” or some such title. Since the employee in question had a private office, I asked if anyone had asked her preference.

She opted to just use her office, but now I see why someone might want a separate space.” 1962Michael

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Doglady 1 day ago
NTJ Since there are people who ignored the DND sign, clarifying it has at least cut down on the interruptions. I don't get why some folks think that all questions must be answered with not a minute's delay. It's not like you are hovering over the red button at the White House. There is no indication in your posting that you are the head Air Traffic Controller at a major airport. Good grief folks! Give the lady her 15 minutes.
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2. AITJ For Blowing Up On My Brother-In-Law For Not Letting Me Eat In His Car?

“My brother-in-law was driving us home and my hands were starting to shake because I hadn’t eaten so I was going to eat one of the pastries I bought but he said I couldn’t eat in his car.

He was acting like his precious car would combust if it got crumbs in it so I asked him to pull over because I needed to eat something.

I decided to just walk home while I ate my pastry because I was annoyed at him.

He kept asking me to get back in the car and claimed my husband would “bust his balls” if he let me walk home but I told him I didn’t care and I walked the entire way.

So now my husband is mad at his brother and my brother-in-law is blaming me because I refused to get back in the car.

They had a huge argument when my husband first found out and my husband also privately told me I should’ve just let his brother drive me home instead of being stubborn and walking. Every time we argue about it, my brother-in-law asks me if I’m going to start sulking again which is really getting on my nerves.

AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“YTJ. Take better care of yourself so you’re not about to faint while sitting in somebody else’s car because you haven’t eaten food all day. He doesn’t want crumbs in his car. You didn’t offer to pay the detailing if you made a mess.

Considering how shaky you were, crumbs were likely. Sounds like you love making your life harder. Don’t eat all day, then decide to walk home because someone set a boundary around their own car, and all you’re eating is a pastry so not even something that will actually give you energy or satiate your hunger for this exercise you now have decided to undertake.

All in all, a really big jerk now for intentionally making two brothers mad at each other. You owe them both an apology.” deleted

Another User Comments:

“ESH, except your BIL. You added extra drama for no reason. Not sure why your husband is picking a fight with his brother instead of holding you accountable for your actions.

It’s not like you’re some child your BIL is in charge of, yet it’s pretty cringy that you seem to revel in the fact that you knew walking away would “get him in trouble” with your husband. If I was BIL none of you would be getting rides moving forward.” anchovie_macncheese

Another User Comments:

“Sugar crashes are a thing. I’ve known people who had to keep snacks on them at all times in order to keep their blood sugar levels up. But when they crashed, they would not have been able to walk home. Sit on a bench, eat, and walk home after their system has leveled out, yes.

But not walk while eating. And they didn’t keep pastries on hand for this. Some simple sugars for immediate relief, yes, but those were followed up by complex carbohydrates to keep them from crashing again in an hour or two. So your story absolutely doesn’t add up.

You had the ability to get home and get food that wasn’t almost entirely simple sugars by staying in the car and not causing drama. Which would have been the better medical choice? Or asking to stop at a restaurant/cafe for a light meal if it was still a lengthy drive.

YTJ.” Cryptographer_Alone

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Doglady 23 hours ago
Could you just keep some sugar candy in your purse and suck on it until you can get home for a proper meal? If you have a medical condition that can cause sudden crashes then allowing you to eat something should be established. If you failed to eat property duriong the day, then you are a bit of a jerk. Having recently ridden in someone's car that was full of crumbs, food wrappers, etc, I can understand how this would not be something desirable. But a few crumbs should not be a big deal. All jerks here.
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1. AITJ For Saying It Was The Best Day Of My Life When My Sister Got Sent Away?

“So I (19f) have a sister 3 years older than me. When we were younger, our dad passed away, and our lives got uprooted. We went from middle class to poor overnight.

My mom did her best in those years.

My older sister turned into a terror after he passed. From 11-16 years old, she was awful. My mom took on more hours and debt to try to help her, but it all failed in the end.

When she turned 16, my mom had enough and sent her away to one of those reform schools. There was finally peace in the house. It was great. When she came back, she was a different person

Anyways, today, she and my mom got into an argument about how she was a crap mom for sending her away.

She claimed she was fine, and that’s when I told her the day she was sent away was the best day of my life, and she really sucked back then.

She was shocked and called me a jerk. My mom just gave me a look and said I probably shouldn’t have said that.”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ – your mom did everything she could, and while a “reform school” might not have been a good thing, she had you to think about as well. Your sister was old enough at the time that she had to take some level of accountability for the behavior that forced your mother’s hand on this.

Frankly, some family counseling for all of you might be a good thing. I’m not sure it would do any good now. Maybe for you and your mom to help you come to terms with the past.” Dipping_My_Toes

Another User Comments:

“Yikes. ESH.

That was a really harsh thing to say. So I imagine it was quite a harsh thing to have to live. You are entitled to your feelings, but the way you phrased it was meant to be hurtful, and it was. Kids act out in all kinds of crazy ways when a parent leaves or passes.

She was a kid. That doesn’t mean she wasn’t an absolute horror, but it’s likely she was acting out because she was in pain and grieving. Try to allow her some grace. As for reform schools, yeah, they don’t really have a good reputation.

It’s also fair that your sister has some resentment. If therapy is an option, sounds like you could all use it.” monsteramoons

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. If she made your life such a nightmare that it was the happiest day of your life, then it was well out of your mother’s realm to handle at that point, and she reached out to what she thought was the correct intervention.

And it seems your sis is now a better person, even if she hates that period of her life… You hated the 5 years before she left. Sometimes not everyone gets the happiest of endings, and your mother tried her best before resorting to extreme help.” TrixIx

Another User Comments:

“Gently, YTJ. I understand what you’re feeling; my older brother became horrible to me and ended up having to be sent away. Yes, I was glad when he was kicked out, when I could finally breathe in peace, without worrying about my brother screaming at us or hitting us.

But he was going through a lot of pain, just like your sister no doubt was. It made my life healthier when he was gone, and when he came back, he was better, but I wouldn’t say anything like “the best day of my life was you leaving.”

You’re right for being glad she was gone. You’re right that it was the best day of your life. But it was probably one of the worst days for her. Even if she wasn’t mistreated, she was torn away from her family and friends. Boarding schools have been proven to affect children’s mental health negatively because they separate children from their family and home.

And as a personal note: I always jumped to my parents’ defense when my brother began yelling at them.

I know you love your mother and want to protect her, but I promise: it will be much healthier for all of you if you stay out of their fights.

Their fights need to be between them. They know things about each other that you will never know, just like you know things about your mom that your sister will never know.” KatKit52

Another User Comments:

“YTJ. You were cruel to your sister. You knew that what you were going to say would hurt her deeply, and you said it anyway.

Cruelty = automatic jerk. She might also be a jerk, but that’s not the issue here. Getting sent to reform school might have been a really traumatic experience for her. She might be justified in feeling angry, even if your mother was justified in sending her away.

The two things can co-exist. Saying it was the best thing that ever happened, just to try and invalidate her anger, is petty. You shouldn’t have gotten involved in the discussion if that’s all you had to say.” The_Fanciest_Pants

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