People Don't Want To Admit That They're At Fault In Their "Am I The Jerk" Stories
18. AITJ For Refusing To Let My Mom Visit My Child In The Hospital?
“My partner, ‘Nadia,’ and I have been together for almost 4 years. Nadia has a young daughter from a past relationship. She’s a wonderful mother who I’m so lucky to have met. I’m so grateful I get to be in her (and her daughter’s) life.
My mum hates Nadia. My mum believes that Nadia forced me to give up my life early in order to ‘raise an illegitimate child.’ My mum is constantly shaming Nadia for giving birth very young and is always telling her that ‘she’s wasting my youth.’ Despite never meeting my daughter, my mum believes that Nadia is a terrible mother and a gold digger.
Obviously, Nadia and I rarely speak to my mother.
A few weeks ago, my daughter fell ill and had to be hospitalized and taken in for surgery. She’s alright now, but, at the time, Nadia and I were scared and extremely worried.
When I found out that my daughter was in the hospital, I immediately drove to the hospital with my sister. Sometime during the drive, my sister (who has an on-off relationship with my mother), called my mum and told her about the situation.
I was too concerned and panicked that I didn’t really register what my sister was doing at the time.
My mum met Nadia and me at the hospital while we were anxiously waiting for our daughter to get out of surgery and gave the both of us a hug.
At the time, I didn’t really care who was with us as I was too nervous and jittery. My mum started to ask Nadia about what happened, how she ended up at the hospital etc.
She seemed very concerned for our daughter, even calling her ‘her granddaughter.’
My mum started saying things like, ‘This wouldn’t have happened if you were a capable mother,’ or ‘This has never happened to any of my FOUR children.’ She was speaking softly and her tone was almost nonchalant, so I barely registered what she was saying at first.
Instead of listening to her anymore, I stood up and asked her to shut up. She looked offended, but I told her that I never wanted to see her ever again. She left, clearly annoyed.
Later on, my sister told me that I came off as very harsh.
I didn’t allow my mum to visit our daughter when she was recovering at home, or even in the hospital. I didn’t want to deal with all her drama.
My sister told me that I was being unfair to my mum who wanted to see her ‘grandchild,’ and that I was being inconsiderate of her feelings. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Keep eyes on your sister.
She knows what your relationship is like with your mother regarding Nadia and your daughter, so why did she think it was a good idea to tell her? She doesn’t like either of them from what you have written.
Your mum was sitting there making passive-aggressive comments attempting to goad you or Nadia into an argument. If she was really concerned she’d have been reassuring. She wasn’t and didn’t expect you to tell her to shut up and leave you alone.
And it’s funny how your mum’s feelings matter more. Like yours and Nadias don’t even matter?
NTJ, your mum’s the jerk for her behavior prior to this and still is, but your sister is the biggest jerk.
She invited drama where it wasn’t welcome or needed.” HunterDangerous1366
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – you were standing up for your daughter and partner. But have you had a conversation with your mom before about how she acts/what she says about your partner? You say that she says all these things but in your post, you have not said that you have told her to stop or had a convo with her about the things she said until you blew up at the hospital.
No, your mom shouldn’t say those things but you also should have told your mom long before the hospital that your partner and daughter are your family and that she needed to stop being disrespectful towards them.” judgingA-holes
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, she was just fishing for info on mistakes that Nadia may have made that led to your daughter being hospitalized and honestly it sounds like your mother is not a good person in general.
Maybe it’s time to cut the cord on the relationship completely, at least for a while, and seeing that your sister seems to have a lukewarm relationship with her at best tells me that the problem is probably not on your end.
You gotta protect both your daughter AND your wife from this toxic influence. I mean, who tells a worried mom what a failure she is while she’s waiting for her kid’s surgery to finish?
That’s just plain cruel.” Lotex_Style
17. AITJ For Telling My Stepmom That I'm Not Her Daughter?
“I (16F) am the daughter of divorced parents. My dad got married 2 years ago to Megan after 1 year of being together.
Megan isn’t a bad person, she treats me and my brothers (13M and 13M) very well.
She lost her daughter 5 years ago at the same age as mine in a car accident. She is much better but still suffers on her daughter’s birthday and death. She’s already told me that I physically look like her (short brown hair and we’re both tall).
In the past, my parents had custody and my father stayed with us on weekends and holidays. But my father got full custody after my mother had to travel to take care of my grandmother (cancer) and it would be impossible for us to go with her, but she visits monthly.
My brothers and I have been living with my dad and Megan for 6 months. The 4 first months were pretty ok…
But I’ve started to notice that she’s really on top of my studies, because (according to her) next year is my senior year, and getting through college is hard.
My parents don’t charge (nag me -?-), and they trust me to keep my grades, but I’m not the type to stay on top of books, just normal study, but it seems to bother Megan, especially when I’m not in exam period (I’m more relaxed about it).
Several times, I’ve heard her call me by her daughter’s name, no, we don’t have similar names (my name is Anne and her daughter was called Kate), and even though I corrected her, she continues.
I talked to my father, and my mother talked to him, that I didn’t like being charged (nagged -?-) they aren’t that kind of parent and that it bothered me all the time when she called me by her daughter’s name (even outside of ‘fights’).
He always says he’s going to talk to her and to be patient, but it hasn’t improved the situation so I doubt he’s spoken.
Friday, she started scolding me for being on the couch all afternoon watching Netflix (watching the new season of Fate: Winx hehe).
I reached my limit after she called me by her daughter’s name again and said ‘I’m not ‘Kate’, Megan, stop treating me like I’m her. This is bothering me and this behavior is very creepy’.
She started crying and locked herself in her room. When my father found out what happened, he got angry at me and told me to apologize, because I was very insensitive talking like that and bringing this up and that I knew was wide open to her.
My mom is on my side, but Megan has barely left the room since the fight, I’m feeling bad…
AITJ?
A few more points I would like to add:
She apologizes for getting my name wrong, but in the next fight she calls me it again and it’s very tiring.
She doesn’t mess with my brothers and they have similar names (Jaime and James).
My parents don’t care about my studies, because I have my specific way of studying, I have been diagnosed with ADHD and I found the specific way that works for me, which is to study one subject a day.
My grades are very good (my lowest grade was 9 but it was chemistry and I have a hard time). And several times I study (usually I do exercises or read) between class or lunch breaks so I don’t have to study at home or I participate in in-depth study classes.
Even though I say that I have my method of study and that I don’t like to be nagged about it (+ my grades are good), she says it’s not enough. And she doesn’t nag my brothers (they have average grades), that’s why I associate it with the fact that she thinks I’m her daughter.
I don’t mistreat her, I really like her. She treats me well and makes my father happy, but her behavior only drives me away.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The adults need to sort this out. You addressed it to your parents and they are responsible for not putting you in an unfavorable situation.
Your stepmom clearly needs therapy, and you are not the catalyst for her emotional suffering. None of this is your fault. Your outburst was inevitable. It may have come across as mean, but you were standing up for yourself, and you were at your limit.
If anything, the adults need to apologize to you.” HappyVillage661
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, you are still a child and this is a grown-up situation that you shouldn’t have to be a part of and I also hope in the future you will not have to endure.
I think you could have worded it better, but it sounds like you were frustrated and it was your dad’s responsibility to talk to her. AGAIN, not your fault. it sounds like she is still very much grieving and due to you being the age of her deceased daughter and having some likeness she has been treating you like a fill-in for the daughter she lost.
I think, if she is not in therapy, she needs to see a trauma therapist to help her process her grief or it is probably going to continue.
If you want/do feel bad maybe sit down with her and your dad, maybe a therapist for her or a counselor and tell her you apologize for how you came across however her doing XYZ makes you feel like…
but again you are not the jerk, the adults in this situation need to handle this.” Select-Guidance-193
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, you didn’t insult her. You didn’t call her names. You didn’t even yell, from what I read.
You stated a fact. You aren’t her daughter, and she can’t continue to treat you as such. Don’t apologize when you’ve done nothing wrong. Megan needs to get herself into therapy so she can for lack of a better term ‘heal’ and start to accept you for who you are. She lost her daughter and she will never get over that. But, she can’t treat you like a ‘replacement’ daughter.” Clear-Event-6316
16. AITJ For Getting A Couple Kicked Out Of Their Home?
“Back when I was studying for my degree, my uncle offered me one of his flats to stay in rent-free. He’s a very wealthy guy and has been building his property portfolio for decades.
The flat was in a great location for traveling between campuses, but the area was not particularly safe and the neighbors weren’t the friendliest. I’d usually stay inside studying or watching TV when at home.
My uncle is quite protective and wanted to tell the other residents that his niece would be moving into the building but I didn’t want that and so lived there for 3 years without (almost) anyone knowing who I was.
One day I was home after an exhausting night shift and just wanted to watch some TV. I only had Freeview at that time and I was relaxing so comfortably on the sofa. Suddenly, the signal was lost.
I went to check the (horribly installed) mess of cables that hang outside my bedroom window on top of a small flat roof. Standing right there was this guy, with his tool kit, messing around with the wires.
I asked him who he was. No response. I asked what he was doing and if he was permitted to do it. He completely ignored me. I told him he’s cut my connection and asked him to put things back the way they were.
He just shoos me away with his hand. His SO then pops her head out from the window in the building next door (same level) and shouts at me to mind my own business.
I tell her he can’t just come on my roof playing with wires and should call the agency to fix things properly without affecting others. She and the guy start talking and cursing in Polish and laughing amongst themselves so I give up and close my window.
At this point, I was mad enough to call my uncle which was maybe a trashy thing to do. An hour later, I hear a gentle knocking on my bedroom window. The guy is standing outside fiddling with the wires and calling me over.
I open the window a crack and he’s asking me to check my TV to see if it’s working now. He keeps saying he’s sorry and that he’ll fix it. The woman is also apologizing and saying her idiot SO insisted he could get her a better signal and that it was all his fault.
She started crying and begging me to call my uncle as the agency had given her notice to leave and refused to give out the landlord’s number for her to plead her case. I felt bad so called my uncle to say that everything was sorted now and to let them stay but his response was, ‘screw them, they’re out.’ I didn’t argue as he kind of scares me sometimes and I just appreciate him letting me stay there for free.
AITJ for contacting my uncle which got this couple kicked out?
Edit: Just to clarify, the tenants weren’t stealing cable TV. The guy was playing around was a bunch of wires that connect terrestrial Freeview channels to some of the flats.
It was very badly installed by someone incompetent who left a heap of cables just sprawled out on my rooftop. I don’t know what the guy thought he was able to do but a few of us lost the TV signal and I doubt he was able to improve his own.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – They’re only apologizing because they got caught.
They were most likely trying to tap into someone else’s cable line to get free cable and they knew it was illegal. They should have been nicer about it. Even if you weren’t the landlord’s niece, you still could have contacted the superintendent/landlord of the building and caused the same exact scenario.
Dumb people made dumb mistakes and sometimes they have to pay the consequences.” LetBest8570
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. They are apologizing because they’re operating under the assumption that if they apologize that removes the wrong that they did and everyone will just let it go.
But here’s the real thing, not only is that not how the real world should work because that just tells people they can get away with treating other people wrong, it isn’t because there are real-world consequences.
The reason they’re being kicked out is that he climbed onto the roof of another domicile and was messing with wires, tampering with another tenant’s connection. Not only is it a liability for him to be up on the roof, his tampering with a service you pay for is another conflict that is directly your uncle and the agency’s problem.
You only feel bad because they went at you with emotional manipulation and it worked well. It’s only right that they’re getting kicked out because it’s a direct consequence of their actions and your uncle is right.” JCBashBash
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
The truth is they are super lucky that you are a nice enough human to only report them to your uncle rather than simply calling the cops to come out and make a report for vandalism and destruction of property.
Also, theft of cable services which is another crime. Then there is the fact that it could be interpreted as them making terroristic threats towards you for daring to instruct them to knock it off and put everything back the way it was.
So there is another possible charge they could have been facing. At the end of the day? They got off super easy by only having to face the wrath of your uncle, who would have also been perfectly entitled to make his own report to the authorities.
Your uncle?
Also, NTJ! I would have responded exactly as he did if I was in his shoes. Tenants who can’t even be bothered to not blatantly destroy property that is outside of the building are unlikely to have any more respect for the inside of the building as well. So you should seriously not sweat this one!” Chemical_Bass_6986
15. AITJ For Tricking My Partner's Daughter Into Eating The Whole Bread?
“I (27F) have been going out with Ben (32M) for two years now. Ben has a 12-year-old daughter Sam. I met Sam about a year ago and it didn’t go very well at the beginning.
Sam does not want someone to replace her mom (I am not trying to do that) and a whole problem of she still wants her parents to get back together. Ben and her ex got divorced three years ago (50/50 custody).
I am in my first serious relationship with Ben which makes it harder for Sam.
Sam and Ben do therapy and it got better, I sometimes join for it but that is rare and it is at Sam or Ben’s invite.
Anyways it is better now, but Sam has a habit of it something I enjoy she likes to take it. An example is I love the color green Sam does not but will go and grab my favorite color and there are none left.
Or if I say I can’t wait to eat that leftover she will go and eat it. It is small petty stuff and really doesn’t affect me in the long run but it can be annoying.
So last month I went to make a sandwich and the only thing left was the butt of the sandwich pieces, I was being sarcastic when I said I loved the end pieces, well Sam heard that and from that point on she would go out of her way to eat the end pieces.
It took me a while to get what she was doing and every time she would do it she would be miserable. She really hates the end pieces. I thought she would stop on her own since she didn’t like it.
Well, today is when it blew up, I made some French toast and basically used half the loaf of bread. It was all well until Sam asked why I didn’t use the end pieces.
I told her that I don’t like eating them at all, and she got shocked and started to freak out. She went on that I tricked her and Ben took her side saying I shouldn’t have tricked his kid, am a jerk, and to get out.
I am shocked this was such a big deal and told my friend who thinks it is funny and that those two need to get over themselves.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
You probably should have told her that you like to save the ends for last or something like that so she could have continued to ‘enjoy’ taking them from you.
But based on what ended up happening, I’m thinking that it’s a good/great time for you to reevaluate your relationship with Ben, because of his reaction to your harmless ‘prank’ on Sam.
It sounds like you have your own place and if that’s true, I’d just move on and allow Ben and Sam to continue to get the help that it sounds like both of them need pretty badly.
But in the end, you will have to figure out/decide what is best for you and then take action to make that happen.
Seeing people/having a relationship with someone with a kid(s) is always hard and has many challenges even if the parent(s) and/or kid(s) don’t have any issues at all.
Best wishes and good hope to you, Ben, and Sam going forward.
Be strong, be safe and be well!” Ground-Rat
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You didn’t ‘trick’ Sam into anything. You’ve become so good at ignoring her mean behavior, that you didn’t even realize she going out of her way to deprive you of something she thought you wanted.
I’d cut her a bit of slack because not all 12-year-olds have great social awareness or skills, but this girl has serious issues.
I give Ben zero slack for not standing up to her mean behavior toward you a long time ago & his reaction here is a ginormous red flag.
It’s not clear, but it sounds like you & Ben live together, in which case he kicked you out of your own house. The only correct response was to point out to Sam how she wound up only hurting herself.
And yeah, it is hilarious how this kid’s cruelty blew up in her own face.” ChiefTuk
Another User Comments:
“If not for Ben’s reaction, this could have been a really cute story that the three of you could have shared one day.
But alas, it’s not meant to be, and that’s probably for the best.
Like, because clearly from Ben’s reaction it’s obvious he has known this whole time what Sam has been doing. And rather than having a conversation with you where you at least have shared clarity over how she’s behaving (which is typical child stuff, nothing to lose one’s cool over), he like acted as if this was some equally childish, malicious stunt you pulled.
This wasn’t some engineered prank you pulled at Sam’s expense; this was you rolling your eyes as Sam naively was hoisted by her own petard. One might say you opened the door for her, but you certainly didn’t hold her by the arm and walk her through it.
It’s not like you tricked her into painting a fence.
Cut your losses now because the person who most isn’t ready for a relationship here is Ben, not Sam.
NTJ.” addisonavenue
14. AITJ For Prohibiting People From Taking Stuff From My Late Grandma's House?
“My grandmother passed away in January from a stroke. Now come mid-October, we are preparing to put the house on the market. We now have family friends coming out of the woodwork asking to come to get stuff they left there years ago and I have honestly been telling them to get lost.
The way I see it, they had not checked up on my grandma in years even when she was going through hard times. It annoys me that everyone saw her house as their personal storage facility and now suddenly wants items back.
It’s traumatic enough to be cleaning out a loved one’s house now we have to cater to all these family friends coming out of nowhere. On the flip side maybe I’m being insensitive. Do they have a right to come to collect items they had gifted/lent or just plain left at her house? If it was really so sentimental to them in the first place why not come get it in the several years since you’ve talked to any of us?
If it’s not obvious, immediate family and a select few extended families have been allowed to gather some sentimental items.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
If they want their alleged property back, then they can either back pay storage fees starting at a minimum of $75 per month, or accept that it’s no longer their property as they failed to collect it in a timely manner and they need to accept the loss of said item as in the eyes of a court it would be deemed as dined property.” G8RTOAD
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
These ‘friends and relatives’ seem to be taking advantage of your grandmother’s passing to ‘shop’ her house for something that might be valuable. Don’t give them anything they don’t have a receipt for and tell them that they are welcome to attend the estate sale once the will has been settled.
Change the locks!” Affectionate_Kale_47
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Those claims sound dubious to me. Not impossible, but family lore would most likely have informed you years ago if any furniture, artwork, jewelry, etc. had been loaned to your grandmother.
If something was gifted – the giver has no claim on it. If they abandoned property at your grandmother’s years ago – they don’t get that back either. If there’s something out of her house they want, they can offer to buy it instead of trying to flim-flam you out of it. Some people can be so greedy and shameless.” lonnielee3
13. AITJ For Choosing My Nephews Over My Partner's Kids?
“I (28F) bought a house two years ago, it’s a very spacious place (4bd, 3 baths, and a big garden) that I’ve been remodeling and making my own. My fiancé and I have been together for 4 years.
He (32M) has 2 kids from a previous marriage (8M and 6F) that are really good kids. On top of that, I have 2 nephews (my sister’s kids) that I absolutely adore and love with my full heart (5M and 3M).
Now, my fiancé and I have been talking about moving in together for about 1-2 years, but with the purchase and several custody fights he has had with his ex, it has been difficult.
He and the kids were supposed to be moving at the end of this year or the beginning of the next, but sadly, my sister and her husband passed away 2 months ago, and my nephews were left alone.
I knew I’ll be asked to take them in, and I was 100% sure that I wanted to because I love them and I wasn’t willing to let them go in the system, but I talked to my fiancé first.
While he wanted me to take the boys too, he didn’t like they had ‘priority’ over his kids since I currently have 4 bedrooms, two kids would’ve to share, and I was against it no matter who they were because I don’t like the idea of cramping small kids in a room, he said it was okay, that MY nephews could share a room and HIS kids could have the other two, I said God no, then he didn’t like when I offered for us to move to the basement so the all of the kids could have the rooms with the idea of my 5M having my room, because since his boy is oldest, ‘he should have it’ and a very few more incidents.
Ultimately, as selfish as it was, I decided it was my house, and I’ll do what was best for my nephews and due to his lack of empathy, we were no longer moving in together, and that we could either plan to add 2 or 3 more bedrooms to the house AFTER we marry, or he could go because my nephews needed me more right now.
So I moved them in, decorated their bedrooms as they like, and call it a day.
I’m still getting texts from him and his family (we haven’t broken up) about how ‘I could’ve made it work’ because those kids see me as a mother figure (which is true) and I abandoned them to accommodate my nephews (which is also true, sorta).
He called me a jerk so… I don’t know?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your nephews are orphans, of course, you want to treat them well. Your fiance sounds like some villain from a Dickens novel, for crying out loud – make the orphans share a room, while his non-orphaned kids should have priority, first, last, and always in your house? I don’t think so!
Your fiance getting his family in on badgering you to accommodate what he wants to do in your house is a huge red flag.
Don’t budge. If you do marry this guy, do not put him on the deed and get a will made up to make sure your nephews are taken care of, because your fiance doesn’t care about anyone but himself.” SirMittensOfTheHill
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Two small boys have lost their parents.
They are adrift in a sea of fear and uncertainty, and you are trying to provide them an anchor to hold on to.
Your SO’s attitude seems to be making it clear that he doesn’t care about those boys in the slightest, and it doesn’t sound like he’d be a good father figure for them.
With that said, kids sharing a bedroom isn’t necessarily all that horrible.
You could also, depending on the size of the rooms, look at a remodel: put up full partitions that cut two of the bedrooms in half (and put in new doors, so everyone has their own entry), then turn the third bedroom into a playroom/’kid’s livingroom’.
In the short term, kids would still need to share rooms – you could set up the room that will eventually be a playroom as a dormitory while the other two rooms are renovated into four.
Let the kids have some input into how the new, smaller bedrooms are to be decorated (let them choose an area rug for the floor, maybe help pick colors for the walls, etc.). Turn the process of adapting the house into an adventure for them.” GM_Pax
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
A couple of things here:
First and foremost is that this is your house. You are not married yet, and it is not his property; therefore not his place to be telling you what to do with it.
Once married, any decisions should be jointly discussed and agreed upon.
Second, he’s accusing you of prioritizing your nephews while he’s trying to prioritize his kids. While it’s understandable and responsible for him to advocate for them, it’s not healthy for your marriage when it’s unbalanced.
He needs to compromise, which it sounds like you’ve already tried several times. You should at least be wary of the possibility that once married, he may disregard or mistreat your nephews in favor of his own kids, creating an unsafe home life for them.
This is something you should probably sit and discuss before marrying.
Third, his lack of empathy for your nephews’ circumstances and his/his family’s attempt to manipulate you into giving him what he wants is not ok.
The claim that you ‘could’ve made it work’ is nonsense, as well as the bogus exaggerated accusations of abandonment. Per my previous point, you were the one trying to make it work, he was the one being difficult.
If you’re still planning on marrying him, you could try seeing a marriage or family counselor before officially tying the knot. They could help you to find a healthy resolution, as well as a good plan for navigating life with the combined families.” SummerOracle
12. AITJ For Not Canceling My Plans For My Husband's Friends' Boys' Night?
“About a month ago my husband (35M) and I (37F) bought super cheap $7 tickets to an emo music party at a local bar next weekend. A week later, our couple of friends (35M/30F) asked when they could come to visit.
I suggested they visit for the event; they agreed.
Today I got a message from the husband ‘Rod’ saying his wife is having health problems and she can’t make it but they will repay me for their 2 tickets.
Instead, he said he had recruited my husband’s best friend ‘Josh’ (35M) to make the trip, and they wanted to have a ‘surprise boys’ night’. He asked me to find someone else to go to the event with and not tell my husband.
My husband hosted Rod’s bachelor party in our city 5 months ago. That morning, Rod told his wife if he ‘laid eyes on our faces’ once through the course of his night downtown his whole night would be ruined so we better steer clear of downtown entirely and pass on the message to me.
When my husband and I had a co-ed stag, he was vocally opposed. He has long been butt-hurt if a partner or wife showed up to a guy’s night over the years.
I immediately discussed this with my husband and he saw no need for a boy’s night out where I change/cancel and thinks we are all too old for that.
I also found out from Josh’s wife that he was asked to take the sick wife’s place for the emo event – he had no knowledge of the ‘boys’ night’ and assumed I would be there.
I politely told Rod that our plans to attend the event wouldn’t change but we would be happy to see them if they joined us. His reply basically said I was denying my husband one of the few opportunities they have as male friends to connect together like the old days, and said he couldn’t believe my husband would actually choose this event over hanging with his boys.
I invited him to speak to my husband and my husband confirmed he wanted to go to the event. He has dropped it, but I know he’s going to be salty to me the whole night.
AITJ for not just canceling? I can’t shake this guilty feeling I was selfish here, even though I feel his request was unreasonable and his approach manipulative.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. That is a disgustingly self-important and entitled thing to do.
You had this event planned and then later decided to be nice and invite them as a couple. He without asking you or your husband changed who was coming to the event and then demanded you not go.
Rod is the jerk and needs to have your husband discuss with him that his actions are disrespectful and misogynistic. He should explain that this level of disrespect-uninviting you from your own event – will not be tolerated in the future.
If Rod wants a boy’s night, Rod needs to plan it, and that way your husband can accept or decline the invite on its merits and not be tricked into something he doesn’t want.” slvrknitting
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – It doesn’t matter what Rod says your husband already said his piece about it but his friend is taking it out on you.
Rod sounds like he hasn’t grown up and still wants to go out and party like he’s single. Go and enjoy the emo music party and Rod can be salty about all he wants.” TypicalAd3575
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
If he wants a boy’s night with your husband and Josh, he can plan a boy’s night with your husband and Josh. The fact he had to lie to both of them to set one up is highly suspicious.
Do they even want to be friends with this guy anymore? Because there’s nothing wrong with a men’s day/night if they’re doing nothing wrong, but between this and wanting to make sure his wife was positively definitely not even in the same town as him for the kids’ bachelor party…
he sounds unpleasant.
If he does show up and behave poorly, switch seats with your husband and let him be the buffer. And maybe he is too busy to find a date that works at all the next time this guy calls.” ISTFMM
11. AITJ For Not Wanting To Go To My In-Laws' For The Holidays?
“My husband and I are expecting our first baby in 5 weeks. Assuming I actually deliver on my due date, our son will be born about 2 weeks before Thanksgiving.
For background, my husband and I live in a bedroom community outside of a very large city.
My in-laws and husband’s brother live in a community on the completely opposite side of the same city. On a good day, if we leave around 8 am on a Saturday, it takes us about 90 minutes to drive to his parent’s house.
With traffic (holiday or just weekend traffic), it can take upwards of 3 hours each way.
My husband’s brother + wife have 3 kids (8, 6, and 4) who live right down the street from his parents.
They spend almost all their time together. We recently informed MIL and FIL that we would like to have Thanksgiving at our house this year and likely also at Christmas. Our reasoning is A) you’re not supposed to have newborns in a car seat for more than 30 minutes at a time or 2 hours in a 24-hour period, and B) I’ll be recovering from birth, and frankly, I don’t want to drive several hours each way while bleeding and swollen.
We’ll likely stay home on Christmas for reason B.
MIL lost her mind when we told them we want to host this year and said no, they always host, and it’s easier for our family of 3 to drive there than for their two families to drive to us.
We said no, and explained reasons A and B above. MIL replied that BIL and SIL always drove all over with their newborn(s), so there’s no reason we can’t either. We said what BIL and SIL chose to do with their kids is their own business, these are the guidelines we’ll be following.
She is furious and accusing us of forcing her to miss her grandson’s first Thanksgiving and Christmas, and I do feel a bit guilty.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Not just about the commute but for other reasons.
A 2-week-old shouldn’t be around that many people. Thanksgiving is cold & flu season. That would make me nervous about having a newborn. Then add your exhaustion, crazy hormones, cramps, and other pregnancy recovery aches and pains.
I guarantee you will not be much in a festive mood. Even by the time Christmas rolls around, you may not still be ready for a social event. I really wouldn’t plan on having the traditional holidays this year for the safety of your baby.” LoveMoreGlitter
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
You have a very valid reason for not wanting to drive for those holidays.
And ‘baby’s first thanksgiving’? Really? Yeah, it’s a family holiday, but all a 2 week old is gonna do is eat, sleep, and poop.
It ain’t anything to get excited about.
Christmas ain’t gonna be much better. When he’s 1, it will be a little different story. The real excitement with kids and Christmas starts when they’re 2 or 3 and can really get into the opening of gifts.
Since it sounds like your husband supports you, stick to your guns on this. MiL will learn that you’re serious and may change her tune after thanksgiving.
Besides, staying firm now will make it easier down the road when/if you decide to travel to your family for a holiday.
You’ll have already set the precedent that you and your husband make your own choices on your immediate family holiday plans.” hard_tyrant_dinosaur
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – You are right not to put the stress of traveling in the mix.
That’s not fair to your baby or you. It was nice to offer to host, but your mil had the right to decline. Don’t be afraid or hesitant to create traditions for you and your husband, especially since you now have a little one coming.
My suggestion is don’t argue it with your mil. You’ve both expressed what you will do and why and she’s expressed her opposition to compromising things. It is what it is. I wouldn’t even bother to bring it up again.
Instead, make plans for the three of you at your home and take time to recover, and do not feel guilty for putting your health and recovery at the top of your list of cares.
You only have one body and pretty soon a wonderful little baby to take care of, so self-care is important. You can always facetime for a few minutes on that day but other than that, don’t stress and do not feel guilty for not going.” Sea-Tea-4130
10. AITJ For Not Being Completely Supportive Of My Partner's "Career"?
“My partner (27M) and I (26 F) have been together for almost a year. He is really into content making, specifically for TikTok and YouTube, and wants to quit his job as a mechanic to be a full-time content maker.
He does food challenges, talks about cars and car maintenance, and tech reviews a bit of everything. When we started going out, he was pretty small and rarely posted but now he is getting more followers and wants me to show up on camera with him and start my own channel and stuff.
I’m a developer and I don’t have any social media except for WhatsApp and Reddit and I don’t want to be on camera at all. I don’t even post my pics of my vacations because it’s my life I don’t care for everyone else knowing what I’m doing.
I also equate posting things and maintaining social media to be like work, and I’m pretty much off my computer when I’m not at work because otherwise, it feels like I’m always working.
I’ve told him repeatedly what he does is his business but I don’t want to be on camera or set up accounts to help him with his ‘career’.
He argued I’m refusing to help his ‘career’ when some content like travel is better done with a spouse. We went to a national park and I had to grab the camera from him when he was filming me hiking and wouldn’t get the camera out of my face.
Thankfully he didn’t post me but is now demanding I agree to do a ‘meet my partner’ video which I’ve already told him I don’t want to do. AITJ for refusing to help my partner’s ‘career’.
Most of my friends seem to think I’m overly sensitive about this and him posting about me and having me on screen for a bit isn’t a big deal.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but y’all may not be compatible.
There might be a level of compromise possible, I can think of a handful of online content creators who only have their spouse/kids on screen in very limited capacities (like, are you OK with occasionally holding the camera and having your voice end up in content when you say something to him? Are you OK with your hands being on camera when he needs help with something as long as your face isn’t included?)
If he sticks with this and you stay together I think you’re going to need to consider your boundaries in a lot more granular fashion than most people do, so that you can offer anything you’re comfortable with in compromise or know that your ‘I don’t want to exist in your content in any capacity, ever’ really is as absolute as it sounds, so you don’t get pressured into letting up on the edges of that boundary at the moment), but if he’s not willing to compromise or give up on having you on screen I don’t know that it’ll work out.
What’s his plan for money if he quits his job? Because that’s something that shouldn’t be happening until he’s REAL confident he can maintain himself on social media money.” inkpaperdream
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here.
This is not about whether you should or should not be in his videos. This is about your saying no, and his bullying you for a yes. If you don’t wanna be in them, you don’t have to.
How’s he going to support himself if he quits his job? I absolutely forbid you to support him while he tries to make a career out of TikTok videos. Honestly, car repairs seem like a respectable genre, I’ve used them myself, but it’s super hard to make a living online.
You cannot support him, but if you must, please don’t, but if you’re going to, put a time limit on it.” Restin_in_Pizza
Another User Comments:
“Content making is EXHAUSTING when you’re doing it all the time.
Your time off should be used to do what you want and not just work for him for free. I know there are content creators who have been able to market themselves so well that they make a great living, but the probability of that happening is slim.
Then what happens if he does make it and decides that he no longer needs you? I’m only saying that people it seems like he’s more upset about not getting free labor than he is for respecting your time. NTJ.” jasperjamboree
9. AITJ For Saying My Fiancé's Friend Is Manipulative?
“My (21F) fiancé (23M) had a friend also (23M) that was going to become homeless because his family was kicking him out. My fiancé came to me and asked if we could let him stay for 2 months, just long enough for him to find his own place because his friend was freaking out about either being homeless or living in a really rough part of town.
I was a little weary about letting him stay because when he first met he made some inappropriate comments to me and accused me of being like my fiance’s abusive ex because I was uncomfortable and got quiet.
But I didn’t want him to be homeless so I agreed to 2 months, I thought I could handle 2 months and he’d be gone. Well, 2 months turned into almost 3 months, and even with multiple warnings that he needed to leave by the 30th, he refused to look for his own place.
Then he did something illegal that could have cost my fiancé his job. So my fiancé reported him and instead of taking personal responsibility his friend decided to lord the fact that we were making him face jail time and being homeless.
I found this to be manipulative and told him so. I told him ‘he was the only person responsible for his situation and if he had a problem with that he should consult the dummy he sees in the mirror.’ I also reminded him he needed to give me his keys on the 30th.
He complained to their friend group and a lot of them are saying what I said was rude and I should apologize. Some are even saying we should have let him stay. So am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Sounds like this is one friend that needs to be cut from your life.
Especially if it is going to affect your livelihood.
If it is your friend group asking you to apologize. Just ask them to put on your shoes for a moment about how you have housed this person, came to their needs long past when the designated time ended, and then repaid you by putting you and your fiancée at risk.
Then ask them if they could be polite or if they would suck it up? And if they say yes. Then say great. I will refer (blank) to contact you.
Your fiancée friend is manipulative especially if he has been given ample time and then put the two of you at risk and then crying at how unfair you two are being to him when you protect yourselves.” Kitchen_Wolverine_61
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
There’s a reason his parents kicked him out…
too bad it doesn’t sound like anyone shared that bit of information with your fiancé or you OP. And he’s responsible for his actions, no one else is. Sounds like some jail time might actually do him some good.
It also sounds like you and your fiancé need a new friend group. He almost got your fiancé fired, which could have resulted in the two of yous being homeless, he should be apologizing to both of you (especially your fiancé).
OP, do NOT back down and do everything that you can to get him out of your home. And be sure to let him know that your friend group has expressed interest in housing him.” AGirlThatYouDontKnow
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
Your household kindly let him stay in the first place. Then you gave him multiple warnings that he’d overstayed his welcome and needed to move out. Then he did something illegal that jeopardized the job of the person he was living with.
Were you supposed to wait until he set your apartment on fire?
He’s facing jail time and homelessness because of his own actions. You simply told him where to lodge his complaint, in a kinder manner and location than he probably deserved.” MmeHomebody
8. AITJ For Being Mad About My Mom's Schedule?
“I (16F) have three younger sisters. (Fake names) Mary (15F), Sue (14F), and Beth (13F). I have been responsible for making sure that the house is clean for 5 years now. My dad’s most recent wife, Gina (50F), has never been happy with my cleaning.
I’ve been doing everything to get into a college with a full scholarship. I take two college classes, and I have lots of homework. When I get home, I sit down at my desk (3:30 pm) and get back up from my desk to go to sleep (10-10:30 pm).
I don’t get a chance to eat.
A test was coming up in one of my college classes; I was so busy studying for this that for a week and a half, my cleaning kind of slipped a little.
(Used to clean twice a week)
I got my homework done, and was finally able to clean. I woke up at 8 and was about to clean. When I got to the kitchen, there was a schedule that had our names on it.
There were three jobs, mopping, dishes, and the bathroom. My younger sister Mary had the jobs that she was already doing, which only took about 5 minutes to do. Me, Sue, and Beth had the three categories as jobs.
The jobs we were given in total would have taken an hour. Mary wasn’t responsible for any house cleaning. The schedule was written by Gina. But I knew my Dad wanted this too.
I talk to my Dad about this, stating that the job times are unfair.
I told him about how I’m doing school stuff for 15 hours a day and why should I wash dishes if I don’t make any.
My Dad said, ‘I was smart, but I was also a dummy.’ I told my dad that he wouldn’t be calling me an idiot when I get a full-ride scholarship and that I’m sorry that I’m so busy that my schedule fell apart and I couldn’t clean the house for a FULL week and a half.
My dad asked me ‘why don’t you just make your younger sisters follow it too.’ I told him that I already do.
I told him that when they wrote the schedule, I felt invalidated. I told him that the jobs were unfairly balanced.
He started making fun of me for this, calling me a Karen, treating me like a baby, and laughing at me.
I asked him why he loved his wife more than he loved his children.
He began to yell at my sisters and me. My sisters started crying, and my dad (60M) started faking a tantrum to make fun of us. He was yelling at everyone. Everyone was crying (even my 94-year-old grandmother), except for my dad who was loudly making fun of us and calling us lazy asses.
But I was more concerned about the fact that I only hadn’t cleaned in a week and a half and this was the result.
I went to my room because I was hyperventilating so badly that I fell over.
Mary was comforting me in my room, as I cried and hyperventilated about how it was all my fault. And my dad came by my room and said that it was all my fault…
Now I’m writing this. I don’t know what to think anymore, and I don’t know what to do. Am I in the wrong here? Should I apologize?”
Another User Comments:
“This one is a doozy.
NTJ, for sure.
Your Dad sounds scary, and I would recommend speaking to a trusted adult (maybe a counselor at school? about this…)
Your dad’s behavior and the unfairness of how the work is being divided aside, I don’t think it’s unreasonable to ask a 16-year-old to contribute an hour to the household twice a week.
The fact that you’re so overwhelmed with schoolwork that you don’t have time to eat, never mind some basic chores is very alarming. When do you see your friends?
I think you need to pull back on the course load a bit.
It’s not normal for a high school student to have 10+ hours of homework every day (and I say this as a former AP student who graduated from HS with 15 college credits.) Please, please speak to a counselor about this as well.
Wishing you well!” sparklingsour
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, you are justified in feeling the way that you do. Your father’s behavior is immature, hurtful, bullying, and emotionally abusive. Parentification of children is wrong. He’s trying to guilt trip you into being okay with being parentrified.
It’s not your job as a child to raise other people’s children. Your priorities are your schooling and you are right to focus on that. Simply put, your stepmom and dad need to step up as parents.
Continue to do as you’ve normally done with the cleaning as best you can.
At some point, a conversation together with parents and other siblings will have to be worked out together. Do you have other support systems outside of your house – other grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, godparents, etc? Perhaps a break is needed.
Reach out to your dad, guidance counselors, or therapist at school and speak with about any resources they may have for mental health and emotional support, and managing stress.” PathA2020MLS2007
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Talk with your sisters and come up with your own balance- I’d suggest swapping, probably with Mary since her load sounds lightest but maybe not since she’s also closest to being in the same boat, for household chores and arranging with your sisters to all do your own dishes but no one else’s, etc.
Don’t clean up messes you didn’t make. Stay away from the crap adults in your life and focus on school. Stick to whatever you girls work out amongst yourselves and ignore the schedule. Your dad is never going to care about your concerns, so if he wants to whine about you not doing HIS dishes or whatever, you don’t have to care about his. If it’s an option, consider leaving to live with your mom or another family.” inkpaperdream
7. AITJ For Letting My Partner's Daughter Call Me Dad?
“Me (37M) and my partner Diana (35F) started going out 3 years ago. She has a beautiful daughter Lilly (6F). We hit it off very well with Diana. After 8 months she introduced me to Lilly.
Now, I absolutely love kids. I am just one big kid with experience. When I see kids playing on kids’ slides, I join. When kids play with trains and cars, I am there. coloring color books, I’m in.
Don’t even get me started with tea parties. I love it. Like I said, I’m just one big kid.
Lilly and I instantly clicked. Diana was a little surprised as Lilly usually takes her time to trust other people.
I had her wrapped around my finger the second time we met. And vice versa. After two weeks she already requested I babysit her instead of her grandmother(who she very much loves). We can play for hours.
You know, the usual stuff, like barbies, doing each other’s nails, and hair, watching cartoons, etc…
A week ago Diana asked me to babysit Lilly over the weekend. I prepared 2 days full of activities.
On Friday afternoon and we went to the playground full of kids. I don’t know what happened, she probably heard other kids, but she came to me and asked me if she can call me dad.
I froze for a moment as I didn’t know what to say. When I gathered my thoughts I told her that this was something we need to discuss with her mother. She said ok and continued playing.
The thing is she called me dad the whole weekend.
Don’t get me wrong, I am honored that she sees me that way. But this had to be discussed with Diana when she comes to pick her up.
When Diana came Lilly ran to her and started telling her what fun activities she did with dad. Diana looked at me with that killer look. She saw red. She sent Lilly to another room to play some more and then she unleashed full mother furry on me.
She told me I am completely a jerk to allow this. I should have notified her immediately. We haven’t even discussed a future relationship. She thinks I did this on purpose and that I am using Lilly to get our relationship to another level (lately we started discussing us living together).
I told her that I’m sorry, but I didn’t want to break Lilly’s heart, and I waited until she came back to discuss. She was still mad and left with Lilly.
I texted Diana again, but she told me that she needs space to rethink our relationship.
I told my family what happened and my mom and dad told me that I reacted wrongly. My sister and BIL told me I did nothing wrong.
AITJ?
Edit: I forgot to mention that Lilly’s dad passed away while Diana was pregnant.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – I would rethink this relationship on your end.
At 8 months she introduced you to her daughter. After 3 YEARS of taking care of her daughter, her daughter wants to call you dad but SHE doesn’t want her to. I know people take relationships at their own pace but I don’t think this is going anywhere judging by how angry she got and how she seriously has a problem with it.
It sounds like an excuse to start backing out of the relationship. She sees how dependable you are and how much you care for her and her daughter’s well being but I’m guessing the feelings of ‘in love’ aren’t there on her end and she’s debating on staying with you for stability or looking for the love she wants.” pecileci
Another User Comments:
“YTJ (if anyone is… I consider ‘no jerks here’)
You were absolutely wrong not to tell Diana about Lilly’s request right away.
I think you need to reflect more about why you allowed her to call you Dad all weekend, even after you (correctly) told her that her mom needed to be consulted. That you knew the right solution, then let it happen for days, all while concealing it from Diana leads me to think that you knew you were crossing a line and were wronging her.
If you had told her (presumably she called and texted during the weekend) then I would say ‘no jerks here’.
Diana is wrong to be in no contact for so long. But, I am going to give her a pass because it does sound like she has some unprocessed grief and complex feelings that she needs to work through.
If, for example, part of her is happy that her daughter loves you and is loved you like she was yours, but she can’t shake the intense aversion that Lilly’s dad is gone and seemingly being replaced or forgotten… well, that could take more than a week to resolve and she deserves to be confident in how she feels and what she wants.
She could also be struggling with fear or losing another partner and Lilly losing another father. I don’t know. But I think she deserves our compassion.
I would apologize again, if you can, especially about the concealment.
I would also tell her that while you can’t presume to know what she’s feeling and thinking, you imagine it must be very difficult, complex, and maybe even confusing. That you hope that your future is together and you will do whatever you can to be there for her, and respect her, her choices, and her feelings.
That you will wait patiently until she is ready to talk and will hope to be with her again soon. And of course, you love her.” PoemRevolutionary153
Another User Comments:
“Not (necessarily) the jerk, but you made a mistake.
Have you ever ‘babysat’ before? It’s curious that your partner of eight months feels comfortable leaving you with her daughter for a weekend, and you mention nothing of the responsibility of caring for her, only that you play well together.
Being a playmate to your partner’s daughter is not the same as being in a parental role. While it was high praise from a six-year-old to suggest she wants you in her life, you (as the adult) have the responsibility to shut down the conversation of being her new ‘daddy.’
You don’t mention where her biological father is, so this may cause some serious hurt and confusion.
Your response may have suggested to Lily that you are open to the idea of being her dad, the two of you are in agreement, and are only awaiting the approval of ‘Mom.’
Diana sort of brought this on herself by putting you in the position of a playmate.
She may be envisioning a future role of parenting you both. Your desire to be in the father role may have put your kid’s magnet energy into overdrive.
Sadly, your desire to ‘not break her heart’ may have led to an inevitable cooling of the relationship.
It seems that your heart was in the right place, but clear communication is always better than just telling kids what they want to hear.
I hope you either work things out with Diana or build a family with someone else. You seem like you will be a fun dad when the time comes.” GladysKravitz21
6. AITJ For Commenting On My Friend's Preference In Meeting Guys?
“I (26F) have a friend, I’ll call her Lisa (also 26). For years, she and I were the single ones among people we knew and we would commiserate with each other. I actively avoided relationships while she dated a lot but neither of us met the right person.
I met my SO nearly a year ago, and that means Lisa is the only single person in our group of acquaintances, which she talks about often.
The thing about Lisa is she has very high standards.
Standards are great, and it’s not that I think she should settle, but I do think she is unrealistic. Because of the job I used to do and my background, I move in the same circles as the guys she says are her ‘type’ and in my experience, she’s not the type of girl they’re likely to go for.
Obviously, this is a generalization but I think I’ve met enough of these guys to see a pattern. I’ve never told her this because I didn’t see the need or benefit to either of us, I just listen and try to be there for her as a friend.
Recently, we were having drinks and Lisa was talking about how she hasn’t had any success meeting people online. She said all the guys wanted a hook-up and nothing more or she was constantly messaged by guys she wasn’t attracted to or who didn’t meet her minimum standards.
I tried to comfort her, but she started asking me how I found my SO and why I think she can’t get anyone who is her type.
I didn’t know what to say so I just said she just had to keep looking.
She was getting very upset and seemed to genuinely want help, she kept asking for advice and for me, to be honest. Then, she asked if I thought her standards were too high. I said maybe she should focus on her core needs rather than looking for a guy that ticks every box.
She got annoyed at this and said I was telling her she should settle and asked if I thought she was ‘going above her level’ with the guys she was going for. I said that wasn’t really what I said but she saw through it and said I was basically saying she didn’t deserve the guy she wants.
I said it’s not a case of deserving, everyone deserves what makes them happy but it’s whether you can find someone who’s willing to give it to you, a relationship is between two people and you’re not entitled to one.
Lisa snapped back that that was rich coming from me since I’m ‘the most entitled person she’s ever met’ and at this point, I was done with her whining and said at least I wasn’t deluded about my prospects.
She left angry.
This has got around to our friends and some think I’m right but my closest friend said maybe I could have been a bit more gentle. My SO said she needed to hear it because she was only making a fool of herself.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s not only about what you’re looking for but also about what you’re offering. If she wants to attract a certain type of mate, then she needs to work on herself to be the type of partner that the class is looking for.
Fair? No. Not at all. But in the same way, she doesn’t want to settle with somebody she considers below her standards, a high-class gentleman might consider her below his standards.
It sounds harsh, but it’s the truth.
If you look into the rich and famous, they mostly picked partners among the rich and famous. And the ones who didn’t were with their spouses long before they got rich and famous.” Selenophile91
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
Sounds like she pushed you into giving an answer she didn’t want the truth of. People really need to stop lying about wanting to know the truth.
‘The thing about Lisa is she has very high standards.
Standards are great, and it’s not that I think she should settle, but I do think she is unrealistic. Because of the job I used to do and my background, I move in the same circles as the guys she says are her ‘type’ and in my experience, she’s not the type of girl they’re likely to go for.’
Sounds like she is only interested in a narrow pool of men.
I’m guessing she is either after highly educated guys or guys in specific kinds of fields.
‘Obviously, this is a generalization but I think I’ve met enough of these guys to see a pattern.’
While it is a generalization, personality does play a role in what work a person does in the future, so there will be a pattern.
‘I tried to comfort her, but she started asking me how I found my SO and why I think she can’t get anyone who is her type.’
My answer would have been ‘they’re your type, but you’re not their type.
They are looking for someone who fits their needs just as much as you are.’
She misconstrued everything you said to mean something that is nowhere close to what you said.
‘This has got around to our friends and some think I’m right but my closest friend said maybe I could have been a bit more gentle.
My SO said she needed to hear it because she was only making a fool of herself. AITJ?’
It sounds like you were gentle. She just misconstrued everything you said and didn’t listen to you, then called you entitled while she is unwilling to do any introspection on why she isn’t having luck.” Thyumos
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but try working out how to say such things without saying she’s not good enough.
Ask her questions for example. Do you have the same interests as the guys you go for? Background?
You were comparing her to the type of woman you think the guys she likes would go for.
While I disagree with seeing people based on a checklist, I also disagree with comparing and benchmarking against the assumed ‘league’ of women. Of course, if for example, she’s going for driven men who go for women who are also ambitious – you could be specific and encourage her to show her ambitions and interests more, or her independence.
Then she can reflect if she has that or if it’s an incompatibility. But to compare her in general to what you think guys go for isn’t fair either, and can be very toxic for women to think that way.
You’re right she should focus on her needs, but you were not doing that, to be honest, and she was right to be triggered and upset at the dishonesty in my honest opinion.” mayfeelthis
5. AITJ For Asking My Grandson To Get A Job?
“I have 2 sons, Sam (39) and Jack (37). Sam has a daughter Emma (16), and Jack has a son Kai (17).
I have a job that pays well so I never had a problem with giving my sons a good life however I didn’t want them to be spoiled so when they turned 14 I would tell them to get a part-time job but I still provided everything for them.
Emma’s mom passed away when she was 1 year old and Sam moved in with us because he couldn’t handle a baby alone and he ended up living with us after that. I did the same thing with Emma, when she turned 14 I asked her to get a job.
She chose to work for me
A few months ago, Jack called us and told us they had some problems and lost everything and asked for our help. I told him he can move in with us and I will help them.
Last night we were talking, and I asked Kai when he is going to get a job. Jack asked me if I’m serious and I said yes of course I am, you know the rule, anyone over 14 must have a job.
He called me a jerk and asked me why I had no problem paying for Emma for years, but I can’t support his son for a few months. I reminded him that Emma also has a job and he snapped at me and said it doesn’t count because she works for me and basically gets paid for doing nothing.
I told him that’s not true and that she works. Now they think I’m a jerk and playing favorites
Edit: let’s make one thing clear. I know I’m not their parent and I don’t get to make rules for them, but also I’m not their parent so I shouldn’t be paying for them.
I’m not an ATM. Either they accept my rules or their parents give them an allowance.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. 14? In many places, it’s not even legal & even when it is, it’s only an hour or 2.
It is important to teach your children responsibility but it’s more important to let kids be kids. Especially in a world that is trying to force them to be adults from the time they can walk.
He has his entire life to work. He has only months left of being a child. Being carefree. Being irresponsible or just not worrying abt adult stuff. You have robbed your children & your granddaughter of their childhood.
14 is beyond extreme. 14. Many haven’t even hit puberty, but you want them to go to work after working in school all day? They have to study, Shower, eat, and have a little downtime as well as playtime.
And many help w chores around the house as well. What you are expecting is absurd. It’s crazy & it’s cruel. 14?!
I don’t think it’s as big of a deal to expect him to work at 17 though.
I’m honestly more worried abt your granddaughter.” kelly08howell
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
If you live under someone else’s roof, you follow their rules, it’s just basic respect. OP didn’t have to let their son and grandchild live with them, but they did, and so they must follow the rules that were already set.
OP clearly stated that anyone 14+ under their roof has to have a job of some sort- and no one is 14 right now. We’re talking about a 17-year-old boy. MOST 17-year-olds have a job in their last or second to last year of high school.
If they can’t follow a simple rule that was set in SOMEONE ELSE’S home, then they shouldn’t be under their roof.
Plenty will disagree, but it’s not like OP is just flat-out not gonna provide for them if they don’t have a job – they’re just not going to pay for entertainment (going out, for example).
And to be honest, 14-15 is a reasonable age to get a part-time job. At high school age, kids typically look to get a job by their 10th or 11th year anyway, so I honestly don’t see the big deal with that rule.
As long as there are reasonable hours, it’s fine.” FaithlessnessOld2125
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Massively so.
You have repeatedly used the excuse that these children ‘live under your roof and have to follow your rules’. But you are not their parent, ethically, it is not for you to parent them or make ‘rules’ for them that don’t specifically apply to their comportment within your home and how they treat your belongings.
And more importantly, what you’re demanding of them is illegal in most places.
With regards to ‘they live under my roof,’ those children didn’t get to decide whether they moved into your home. They are minors, forced to go where their parents take them.
Your argument is ridiculous on the face of it. Under your roof or not, you are not their legal guardian, you are at best their parents’ landlord. You do not get to make demands about the children’s time or activities.
More importantly, if you are in North America or one of the countless Western countries, there are laws about forcing minors to work AT ALL, much less at the peril of losing their home.
What you’re insisting – that these minor children get jobs, or potentially be evicted from their homes in retaliation if they do not, is likely criminal. Even if it weren’t, the threat of it is monstrous.
Literally, nothing you’re doing is ‘for their own good’. This is not how you teach responsibility. It’s super abusive. You can talk to kids about getting jobs (though frankly, I don’t think that making kids work potentially to the detriment of schoolwork as minors is always the best choice), but demanding it through threats is outrageous.
YTJ.” FoolMe1nceShameOnU
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here.
Them for not already contributing, although I feel sorry for him as he is still only 17, and his world must have been turned upside down
You because you just don’t…
seem to have any emotion when it comes to Kai? It might just be that you want to get straight to the point of the story but you seem awfully detached from your family.
Making your children work at the age of 14 was also a jerk move. You’re not an ATM but christ they’re you’re family.
You’re also slightly a jerk because Emma got an opportunity Kai didn’t which made it much easier. Kai hasn’t gotten that same opportunity. You haven’t mentioned anything about Kai really, again the detachment. Nothing about whether he is studying.” ACanWontAttitude
4. AITJ For Not Comforting My Step-Brother?
“My (15F) parents divorced when I was 4, and my dad remarried when I was 8, he doesn’t have kids with his wife, but they have my step-siblings (Josh 9M, Luca 16M and Sofia 19F).
Josh’s dad (a different dad from Luca and Sofia) is not in the picture, and so, he’s attached to the hip with my dad. That’s fine, I don’t really care, but I’ll admit that he has made very difficult for my dad and me to have solo time when I go to his house.
My step-mom always tries to make my dad bring him when he and I do stuff together, but my dad knows that I don’t like that and thus, respects my decision and leaves Josh at home.
He’s very jealous of me and disrupts whatever my dad and I are doing, if my dad is helping me with something, he stays in the room and tries to get his attention, if we’re watching tv together he purposely sits in the middle of us and complaints the whole time, etc.
I know he’s a kid and I get he loves my dad, but tbh I don’t like being around him.
Now, my dad and I love fishing, and is one of the few trips we do together and our real solo time.
We never take Josh because it’s honestly exhausting, we tried it twice, but it was horrible, and I asked my dad if we could go just us from now on and he said yes.
My step-mom and Josh didn’t take it well but had to suck it up. Now, next weekend my dad and I will have the trip again (we do it like 4 or 5 times per year) and Josh asked to come, to which I said no.
He called me a horrible sister and that it was my fault dad doesn’t love us the same way, we began to cry and I just closed my door and went to do homework again.
My step-mom found him throwing a fit in the hallway and when my dad came back from work, she ripped me one for not comforting him. She demanded we take Josh on the trip and my dad asked me if we could, but I said no, that I didn’t want to and he said he’ll figure something out to do with him.
My step-mom packed her and Josh’s stuff and left to stay with her parents (Luca didn’t want to go because he also thinks Josh is spoiled) but Sofia is calling me a witch for not letting Josh come with us.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
He’s been before, it didn’t go well. You’ve asked your dad to make it a trip for just the 2 of you and your dad has agreed (he seems to understand that you deserve quality time together which is great!).
Josh threw a fit because he’s acting entitled. His mom is supporting that behavior. Your dad has even suggested doing something different on his own with Josh so it’s not that he’s losing out – he’s just jealous.” Substantial-Fox-4905
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
If you only do this 4-5times a year and Josh gets him the rest of the time they should respect your decision.
Your father obviously treats him well and as his own which is why he likes your dad so much, he’s bound to feel left out no matter what because it’s not his father and he feels that but for the few times you are over you should be able to spend some quality time with your dad.
But I also think even though he is 9 you should talk to him and tell him why it’s so important to you so that he understands, then see how he reacts to that, then you will know what the issue really is with him.
(by the way, this is coming from someone whose father is not in the picture).” _ThewhiteRose_
Another User Comments:
“You are NTJ. It’s great that you want to spend time by yourself with your dad, and it’s unfortunate that your stepmom seems to be discouraging that by trying to force Josh into it all.
I do think you should encourage your dad to spend some more time with Josh because he obligated himself to that new responsibility when he remarried, and Josh clearly needs that love and attention just as much as you do (it’s not your responsibility to make that happen, just merely a suggestion if you want to nudge your dad). Based on your stepmom’s childish behavior, it sounds like you are in a tough, tough situation. Your newish blended family could use some counseling. Good luck to you.” Ok-Body-9606
3. AITJ For Telling My Sister-In-Law Not To Visit Mom In The Hospital?
“My mother is in the hospital, and due to health restrictions, she is only allowed 2 visitors at a time and only between the hours of 8 am and 8 pm.
She has been in the hospital for almost a week now, and at first, the visit went pretty smoothly.
My mom is married with 3 adult children. My dad stays with her the entire time he’s allowed.
I have two school-aged kids, so I took the week off work. I’ve been dropping the kids off at school and visiting her until it’s time to pick them up from school.
Then my sister and her husband leave work early. Her husband gets their kids from school and she comes and visits until my brother gets off work, and he can visit- but he only shows up when it’s convenient for him.
Not only did he not take off any work, but sometimes he doesn’t even show up when he says he will.
The problem is, my brother insists on bringing his wife and that forces my dad to go sit in the lobby until they leave.
Yesterday, being Saturday, I called my siblings to see what time they were planning to visit. My sister took the morning, and my brother took the afternoon so I planned on visiting in the evening.
When I arrived at 6 pm, I got there at the same time as my brother and his wife. My brother insisted on staying and apologized for being late. Trying to be nice, I took my dad to the cafeteria to eat dinner but ended up not being allowed to visit my mom.
My brother has teens that can take care of themselves and only had been married a few months. My husband has been a part of the family for 16 years and is not visiting so my dad doesn’t get kicked out of the room nor is my sister’s husband who has been a part of the family for nearly 25 years.
Starting Monday, my sister and I are planning on making a schedule for when we can visit. We plan on both returning to work full time, we both have young kids in a lot of after-school activities, and we both live an hour from the hospital.
My brother lives 5 minutes from the hospital.
I have also spent my evenings going to my parent’s house and cleaning, mowing, etc. My brother and sister have not been doing that.
Would I be a jerk if I tell my brother needs to visit around the schedule my sister and I make and that he should not bring his wife?
Edit: My mom wants visitors every second of the day.
She loves the attention.
Second Edit: My dad is retired and lives about an hour away from the hospital. He does not want to make multiple trips to the hospital in a day. He also does leave the room here and there to eat or run to the store to buy her stuff, but he doesn’t like when sil is there for several hours and he has nothing to do.
Also, most of the visiting has been us just sitting in silence next to her.
Update: I decided to forgo the schedule and just start a group text message and asked everyone to message the group before going to the hospital.
I also decided not to advocate for my dad about my SIL because I figured the fighting it would cause in my family would not be worth it.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. While I don’t feel you are the jerk, I will say here is your fair warning that initiating this conversation is just one of those super tricky moments all of us have at some point in life where it might not matter what your reasons may be for why you are requesting SIL to abstain from visiting.
SIL is just a human like the rest of us and as we all know that means she’s going to have some feelings and if you damage them with your request she may opt to lash out at you.
My best advice would maybe be to try authoring a group text that lays the groundwork for the visitation schedule you and your sister create which due to visitation restrictions at this point in time will be limited to immediate family members only.
I would then add that at this time your mother’s immediate family is requesting that anyone outside of the immediate family who wishes to pay your mother a visit please contact either you or your sister to schedule an appropriate time for their visit as your mother being in the condition that she is in currently is needing your father to be by her side pretty much 24-7 if possible as he is not only her husband but also her healthcare proxy should any emergent complications arise throughout the remainder of her hospital stay.
Let everyone know that this request is made on behalf of your parents and is not intended to exclude any family members wishing to share their love and support with your mom, but is instead a decision that is being made based on the best interests of the patient, your mother.
Finally, don’t forget to thank everyone for their patience and understanding and for the incredible show of support each person is making for your mother in her hour of need. It’s not your job to manage everyone’s feelings in this situation but attempting to do whatever you can to keep the peace can only do more good than harm.” Chemical_Bass_6986
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
You’re the jerk because of the way you want to make the schedule.
Just because your brother has teenagers does not mean he doesn’t have other obligations or things that need to happen at home. Teenagers are arguably harder than small children in a lot of ways.
Your brother needs to be included in the schedule discussion, not handed the leftovers simply because you believe you have a more difficult home life.
Also, you don’t decide who does and does not visit.
Or when your dad leaves the room. Or anything. This is not your decision. This is between your parents. No one needs to be there 12 hours a day (including your dad). Your mom needs to rest and your dad needs a break.
Every minute of visiting time doesn’t need to be filled. If you want a fair and equitable schedule include things like taking your dad to dinner and also limit everyone (with a group discussion) outside of your dad to one hour per day and rotate in with only one of your showing up each day.” sheramom4
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
I think that it’s a delicate situation and maybe ask your mom if she wants to see any of the in-laws or if she’d prefer her husband be in there at all times. I think people being negative toward you are being jerks because it’s not a one-size-fits-all kind of answer.
It’s dependent on who your mom wants in there, who she doesn’t want in there, and how comfortable she is with her husband leaving her.
Based on the amount of time you and your sister have been married, I would assume that your mom is probably in her 60s.
Just a guess, I’m sorry if I’m wrong. If she’s older, then your dad is probably her best friend and her person. There may be a very good chance that she doesn’t want him to leave the room.
Again, there are a lot of things at play here and I think it’s best to ask your mom.
In regards to the schedule, I personally like it. The hospital set the 2-person limit, not you guys.
If your brother is going to be late, then he should communicate that and see if you or your sister are willing to switch times. It’s not fair to you or your sister for him to say he’s going to be there at a certain time and then show up during what should be your time with your mom.
All around just a lack of communication, but no, NTJ.” for_whyy
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here.
SO… to all the people saying leave the poor woman alone, we don’t actually know what the patient wants. OP stated that her mom is loving the attention.
My mom is the same. We were on vacation in the UK when she fell down some stairs and broke her ankle. Thank the high heavens the hospital had strict time limits on visiting hrs.
My mom was so mad we were not spending every min of every day next to her! Even after a nurse told us off for being there 5 min past visiting hrs, mom didn’t care and was offended we didn’t try to break the rules or something.
Anyway, maybe SIL is really trying (being she is new) to be a part of the family. Who knows how much she may really care about your mother? It’s your brother that is being rude and inconsiderate about the times.
Has your father complained about having to leave so daughter-in-law can visit? Maybe, just maybe he needs a break to stretch his legs, get food, and get fresh air. I would talk to dad 1st.
Then mom, maybe she would love to see ALL her in-laws at 1 point or another.
OP sucks here because 1) she hasn’t even asked what mom and dad would like and 2) she’s talking like she is the daughter of the yr for checking on her parents’ house by herself.
Did you even ask your siblings to help or are you doing it for brownie points?!?! Not saying it isn’t a good thing but the way it’s written comes off superior and judgy.” Frequent_Set_9553
2 only in a room at a time, we go visit when we have the time and just take turns going in. Easy peasy, no schedules needed
2. AITJ For Confronting A Woman About Her Dog?
“I live in a building where pets are strictly forbidden, you can’t have one even if you own the apartment.
Last week, I was leaving the building with my 6-year-old and another resident was coming down the stairs with some tiny dog in her tote bag.
My daughter started fussing as I told her it’s not me against us getting a dog but it’s the building rules. My daughter wanted to know why this lady didn’t need to follow them.
The woman stopped and asked my daughter if she wanted to say hi and that the dog was friendly, so I decided to call her out on breaking the rules. She said it wasn’t her dog and she was just sitting for a week whilst her friend had a baby but still, the rules are strict.
Dogs can mess up communal areas. She said that is why she was carrying him but said he wouldn’t be a bother as he’s super old but she still has to let him roam to do his business.
It got a little heated and she said she had to go walk him, I told her if I saw her again with the dog I would tell her landlord and she literally rolled her eyes at me and said whatever like a child.
I sent a message to the building group chat about it and was mainly ignored, except for one person who said they’d spoken to the neighbor and her dog and they were both nice but that’s not the point.
My child now thinks I’m either lying about the dog rule or that rules don’t matter. My wife thinks I overreacted.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
Buildings with pet policies have policies against pets living in the building.
She was helping out a friend, and not even letting the tiny dog touch the floor is as careful and thoughtful as it gets.
Also, even the strictest pet policies have ADA accommodations. You probably have neighbors who have service dogs too.
Your daughter’s tantrum is up to you, as the parent, to deal with. You should teach her she can’t mean she can’t. Doesn’t matter what other people can or do.
It was your choice to move into a no-dog building.
It was your fault your daughter can’t have a dog. You need to teach your daughter no means no and explain that you chose to live in this building and that’s why she can’t have a dog.
stop blaming your choice and your problem on other people.” Messychaos
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
You’re one of those people who use rules as an opportunity to take advantage of others because it makes you feel powerful.
I’d bet you were also a tattletale growing up.
The truth is you got mad you had to actually parent. How terrible for you. Must have been so traumatic.
If the dog can fit in her purse, it’s not going to destroy the communal area.
You know that’s just a really flimsy excuse to justify being trashy.
There’s a reason your neighbors ignore you. Unless there’s a legitimate threat or destruction of property you need to learn to mind your own business.
If you don’t it’s going to start causing a lot of issues for your daughter and her ability to make friends.” snailranchero
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
You have too much time on your hands, Dog Police.
The woman wasn’t harming anybody, nor does it appear that she let the old dog wreak havoc on the property or her condo.
She was doing a friend a favor. She carried the dog in a tote out of respect for other residents. Have you seen the dog ruin the lawn or communal areas? Do you know whether she takes the dog elsewhere or has it gone on a potty pad? Do you know anything she is doing with the old dog?
If you get heated over a dog, see a psychiatrist and get some medication.
Lastly, way to behave in a childish manner in front of your child. Great parenting. Next time, sit down with your daughter and explain the situation. Teach her to understand certain circumstances and situations that she may not comprehend. She needs to learn, especially the word NO!” User
1. AITJ For Accepting Punishment?
“I (M15) was told by my parents yesterday that if I didn’t have my room done by this morning that I would be grounded, no phone for however long they see fit, no friends outside of school, etc., etc.
Now onto the incident, I understood that it was a fair and reasonable punishment, and I didn’t fight it. last night as I was cleaning my room, I decided that I was tired and went to bed, but my room didn’t get done.
This morning when I woke up, the first thing I did was put my phone on the counter as I did not meet the requirements that were set for me. My dad was annoyed that my room wasn’t done (again, reasonable.) but then said that by just accepting the punishment I was disrespecting him.
I basically said ‘okay,’ and left for my room. He called me out not long after and said I had until 12 PM to get my room done, and it was done on time.
Most recently my father told my mother about my ‘stunt.’ which I got yelled at by both of them. I will admit, I yelled back at them but honestly, I don’t regret it. The argument was basically them saying that what I did was disrespectful, ‘You’re not meant to accept the punishment.
Its shows you just didn’t care about it in the first place.’ (My dad) I, not so politely, responded with something along the lines of ‘You get mad at us when we don’t accept the punishment, then when we do it’s disrespectful? I’m sick of your double standards.’ A while later and here I am writing this.
So, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
How is it disrespectful to understand, & accept the punishment? You were told if A was not done in X time, then the result would be B. You didn’t complete it, understood the repercussions, & attempted to accept your punishment with dignity as to avoid further issues.
Yet it’s a problem for them when you do so… what’s wrong with them?” KS-AP1
Another User Comments:
“YTJ for not keeping your room neat, YTJ for just throwing their punishment back in their face. You live in THEIR home, kids need to maintain a modicum of neatness and contribute to the family.
Unless your parents are abusive or there are other major problems, they are doing everything for you and you should be a functioning member of the family.” Active_Sentence9302
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I say this as a parent to a 16 yr old boy who avoids cleaning his room if he has ANYTHING else he can do.
Your parents gave you an ultimatum, you decided the punishment was ok with you and didn’t finish cleaning the room. That was one consequence of their actions (the ultimatum), if they didn’t like that they should not have made it the other option.
When I give ultimatums to my son it is an option I know he doesn’t want – me cleaning it, since the room being messy bothers me more than him. Only once has he said ok and I followed through with my consequence.
Neither of us was happy with that, lol. If he doesn’t meet a deadline now he with talk to me about why and usually finishes the next day.
It seems like your parents, and you need to actually talk and listen more, but if this, is not something y’all do – you are still not a jerk for choosing a consequence they gave you, instead of the action they wanted.” Some_Construction_49
Another User Comments:
“YTJ…
You’re not supposed to get punished in the first place because you’re supposed to do what your parents tell you! You were told to clean your room and if you didn’t punishments would happen.
So instead of cleaning your room like you were told you decided to go to bed and ‘accept’ the punishment. You blatantly just figuratively spit in both your parents’ faces and told them that what they say doesn’t mean anything to you.
Putting your phone on the counter as a form of accepting your punishment was really you being a smart-ass little jerk and throwing their authority back in their faces. You were taunting them with the punishments they told you, you would get. Stop challenging your parents and just clean your freaking room like you were freaking told to.” Happyclouds87
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