People Anticipate Backlash From Their "Am I The Jerk?" Stories
19. AITJ For Giving Up My Dinner Reservation At A Michelin-Star Restaurant?
“My partner and I live in a major city with a restaurant that has three Michelin stars.
It’s so outside our price range that we’ve only ever talked about it in fantastical terms, kind of like the way you’d talk about what you’d do if you were Marie Antoinette at Palais Versailles. Well, lo and behold, as part of my annual bonus, my firm (which is quite small and intimate – they market themselves as a ’boutique’ specializing in their service expertise) knew I was a big foodie and somehow managed to get me not only reservations to this amazing restaurant but also gave me a $500 gift card to accompany it.
Naturally, I lost my mind. This was the coolest gift ever, even if I would’ve preferred a more generous cash bonus and/or raise, but I also knew I did not have the necessary clout to get a reservation at this particular restaurant, let alone one in the first half of 2023.
So anyway, the story goes that I obviously intended to bring my partner. However, he’s not a big foodie and never has been. One of my friends knew this, and not so subtly implied that I should take her in his stead.
I asked my partner about this, and he, being the sweet, empathetic boy that he is, was more than willing to give up his seat in lieu of my friend, who arguably is the much bigger foodie than either of us and would’ve probably appreciated the experience more than my partner or me.
Yet, I felt super uncomfortable with this and told my friend I would prefer to go with my partner. This is a decision that I now regret and which prompted me to write to internet strangers, because she has since accused me of being naive, ignorant, and wasteful (because such a dining experience should not be wasted on those who would not have understood the difference like she would’ve), and most hurtful of all, a bad friend.
To be fair to her, she has always had a passion for food and good restaurants. She has her own food blog which she has diligently posted to since our college days and maintains to this day. I am definitely more of a casual observer of good food, and appreciate the same, as someone who works for a firm that often wines and dines its clients in upper-echelon restaurants.
She is right, however, when she claims that my partner and I would not be able to tell the difference between a one-Michelin-starred restaurant versus a three-Michelin-starred restaurant. Because we probably wouldn’t.
Anyway, I ended up just letting her have the reservation slot and I kept the $500 gift card to potentially use myself or give to someone else with a reservation there, but my partner has kept voicing his disappointment that I’m an idiot and a doormat.
Moreover, I feel bad that I promised him a fancy dinner at this three-Michelin-starred restaurant and then rescinded the offer to give to someone else.
So, please. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ, to yourself and your partner a little. I understand your partner, I don’t think his issue is because you promised him a nice dinner there but you suddenly took it back.
As you said, he was more than willing to give it up. I think his problem is because you let yourself be walked over by your friend. You wanted to go there. You have been wanting to go there for a long time.
You wanted to go with your partner. It was your bonus. Not hers. Yours. The Michelin restaurant wouldn’t care if the person eating in their place is a foodie or not. Your friend has NO right to demand that you go with her instead.
She has no right to insist that she deserves to go there more than your partner either. The reservation was yours, not hers. She should have shut up the moment you said you didn’t wanna go with her.
Michelin restaurants may be an upscale experience, but it doesn’t always have to be technical. It can just be a couple eating out together in this nice restaurant regardless if you understand how different it is from others.
Now, you have let go of that opportunity and given it to someone who only didn’t deserve it but was also insulting to your partner. You have also completely changed that friendship dynamic. Now your friend knows she can push you around to get what she wants and you will give in.” Rissyntax_v2
Another User Comments:
“YTJ for promising him a nice dinner at a fancy restaurant and then rescinding it. He doesn’t need to be a food expert to enjoy good service and good food, even if your friend thinks ‘Oh no, but he won’t appreciate nice things as much as I do’.
But if I’m your partner I’m more hurt and frustrated that you gave up something you wanted so much just to placate this total jerk of a friend who had no right to demand anything from you. This was your bonus.
Your gift – ‘the coolest gift ever’. And you just rolled over and passed it up because your friend tried to bully you. It’s really painful to watch someone you care about lose out on what they deserve simply because they need to please others who don’t have any entitlement to it whatsoever.
Take this as a place to grow from. You actually matter. You actually earned that dream experience of yours. You passed it up for nothing. Don’t do that and your life will be better.” FjortoftsAirplane
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Also a doormat.
Also terminally indecisive. Also really need to get rid of this idea that a ‘foodie’ is somehow more entitled to food than a ‘non-foodie.’ Also, terribly lacking in self-respect, to the point that your ‘friend’ throwing insults at you and your partner, disrespecting you both as human beings, just because she didn’t get her way, caused you to crumble like a statue made out of kraft parmesan cheese powder.
Also, insulting your partner left, right, and center with this idea that ‘he wouldn’t appreciate it anyway.’
Also, what a slap in the face to your bosses who went out of their way to recognize your achievements and give you an incredibly thoughtful and unique gift.
What you should have done: Kept the reservation. Trusted your partner when he told you he didn’t mind if you took your friend. Took your partner somewhere else you know he’d particularly enjoy. Enjoyed your three-star experience with your friend.
Failing that, told your ‘friend’ in no uncertain terms that you wouldn’t be treated like that by anybody, let alone somebody you consider a friend. Taken your partner to the three-star. Not assumed he was some ignorant, slack-jawed yokel incapable of enjoying anything more complicated than a double-bacon cheeseburger, and that you and your friend somehow have better, more refined palates.
There’s a movie on Netflix called ‘The Menu.’ Go watch it, and take away the statements it’s making about foodies, ‘fine dining,’ and what should really matter in a ‘good’ meal.” Cent1234
18. AITJ For Letting My Daughter Decide If She Wants To Be A Flower Girl Or Not?
“My daughter (5) is honestly a gorgeous child. She is so pretty that one of her Montessori teachers asked me if my daughter could be her flower girl and after talking it over with my daughter I agreed. A bad idea.
My daughter did not like her dress and did not like flashy photographs, while she did do the walk perfectly she broke down right after and I had to take her home.
Now my brother is getting married and they have asked my daughter to be at the wedding as a flower girl.
When I asked my daughter she flatly refused. The previous wedding happened a couple of months ago so she still remembers it. While I did try to convince her she ultimately is her own person and dealing with a grumpy and screaming toddler is not my cup of tea.
When I told my brother this he and his fiancée lost it. She accused me of being jealous of her wedding (I had a courthouse wedding) and that I was raising my daughter to be a selfish person who doesn’t care about her family and welcoming new members.
She said that if I don’t let her have my daughter as a flower girl, all future children that they have will not ever meet her. Which my brother fully supports.
My family is telling me to just go with it and that she won’t even remember when she is older but she will blame me for breaking a bond with her future cousins.
But my husband said do you really want them to be around our daughter if they act like this over a small thing.
AITJ?
Edit: the Teacher asked because for one she was the only one to help my daughter interact with the other kids (we don’t live in the west so it’s very common for parents to develop close bonds with the teachers.) My daughter and she are very close (they have an aunt and niece relationship) and my daughter ‘helped’ her plan the wedding.
My brother knows what happened at the last wedding.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, your daughter is a small human, not a prop to fulfill SIL’s whims. Tell your brother that your daughter has made her choice quite clear and since he wants to be on the subject of future children, he should start practicing how to treat children like tiny humans instead of living dolls now.
Then if they continue with their nonsense, block them and move on.
Trust me, if BIL doesn’t wake up and counter his bride’s jerkish attitudes now, you will be doing your daughter no favors by forcing a relationship with their future children later… they will just be carbon copies of the jerks you are currently dealing with.” MelodyRaine
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s important to prioritize your daughter’s well-being and comfort. If she has made it clear that she doesn’t want to participate in the wedding, it’s not appropriate to force her to do so. Additionally, it’s not your responsibility to fulfill the demands of your brother and his fiancée.
They have overreacted and made unreasonable threats, and it’s not acceptable for them to try to pressure you into making your daughter participate. You should focus on what’s best for your daughter and your family, not on pleasing others.” WrongCalculator
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Your daughter is a person, not a prop. She has the right to refuse to do this and good for you for supporting her. And if this is their hill to die on to tear the family apart, then this is THEIR hill and not yours.
They are making the ultimatums not you.
You could also politely mention that she has already had a bad experience with this and while you could force her to participate since she is a person and not a prop, you cannot guarantee that she will not ruin the wedding and the pictures.
I mean could you imagine her smiling for their pictures in being forced to do something she doesn’t want to do?
But then again, since they don’t see your daughter as an autonomous human being, they would blame bad behavior on you too.
You could also compromise and get a cardboard cut out for them to use as pictures and put it on a remote-controlled car or drone to ‘walk’ down the aisle. All they want is the prop anyway. But that’s just me being petty.” drtennis13
17. AITJ For Telling My Mom To Stop Meddling In My Brother's Life?
“My (26 female) little brother (21) lives in another state for school but he came back home for a week to visit everyone.
He was staying with our mom (our childhood home).
About an hour ago, I got a call from my mom instructing me to tell my brother to come home because she needed him to put together the tv stand for her even though he told her he would do it tomorrow.
My brother went out with a nice girl that he started seeing before he left for school and he came over to my house earlier to borrow my car for the date because he doesn’t have one so my mom assumed he was back at my house.
I informed my mom that my brother was still out and asked if he was supposed to set it up tomorrow or not, to which she replied ‘yeah, but I changed my mind and want it up now. So your brother needs to come home now, what is he even doing on a date for 3 hours?
He better not be hooking up with that girl.’ I was sort of taken aback by her statements but not really because my mom has always had such this weird control thing over my brother’s SO, and so I replied ‘what he does at his grown age is absolutely none of your business, and frankly it’s weird that you care so much about his personal life.
You’re his mom, not his significant other.’ And she said something along the lines of ‘yeah, I’m his mom so I should come first’. I just laughed and called her delusional.
About 30 minutes later my brother called me asking me to stay with me and my fiancé for the remainder of his stay because my mom called him crying, saying how he must not love her and blah blah blah.
I of course told him he was welcome to stay.
However, I got a call from my older sister basically scolding and cursing me out and calling me a jerk for saying that stuff to my mom and making her cry.
AITJ here?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
No? God, no.
Your mother literally declared that she expected your adult brother to prioritize his mother effectively with no limit on time, therefore, meaning the rest of his life or until she dies.
That is an unhealthy and definitely delusional expectation. Your brother has a right to his privacy and his life.
Plus your mother only ‘changed her mind’ because she was trying to be obstructive to his love life.
Additionally, your sister is a jerk here, because your mother is effectively crying because she was told she isn’t the center of your brother’s universe.
The motivation to cry matters more than the crying itself. She isn’t a victim.” MundanePlanet
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, not only is your mom creating drama where there is none (I mean really, dinner and a movie, that’s 3 hours easy if it’s a sit-down place) but you’re right!
Your brother’s an adult, and he’s perfectly capable of making his own decisions. It’s good that he wants to be more independent and form a healthy romantic relationship. Your mom is not only showing an unhealthy dependence on him, but she’s also trying to weaken his current relationship with all this.
No clue what’s up with your big sis tho, maybe send a clarifying text with your side in it and go low contact if she still sides with your mom. Best of luck to you and your brother though!” Redband-Trout
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, your brother is a grown man and at 21 his life isn’t her business unless he wants it to be. Could you have used more tact? Sure but this is NOT one of those situations where you were unnecessarily rude making you correct but still a jerk.
You could have been gentle but you weren’t really rude she was prying and making inappropriate comments so it’s understandable to respond the way you did. Your sister wasn’t told the whole story. Wait a day for her to chill out and call your sister and explain exactly what happened.
I imagine your mom is a religious conservative. If so and your sister is too, it’s all too common for them to try to control their adult children’s romantic lives. I had my dad try it with me. Was even older at 34 and was home visiting and he told me no joke I had to be back by midnight or I would be locked out… I ended up staying at her house just to spite him.
Not my proudest moment but trying to control your 34-year-old son is insane, in my opinion.” Rhuarc33
16. AITJ For Embarrassing My Mom In Front Of My Cousin?
“My cousin Ally has 2 kids (8 and 6m). My aunt asked my mom if we could drop off some food for Ally since she’s been a bit unwell (after something traumatic happened to her) and her husband won’t be home till evening and we agreed. I assumed my mom let Ally know but when we showed up, Ally was surprised to see us.
She was wearing sweats and a tank top, her hair was a bit knotted and she had a messy makeup look. We also heard her kids chatting in the back. My mom asked why the kids were at home and why she looked like a mess.
Ally said that she had to have them by her side today and she absolutely couldn’t send them to school. She also said she just woke up and that her kids did her makeup. I didn’t question her reasoning.
My mom made a face and was like ‘you’re not setting a very good example for your boys, don’t you think?’
Ally immediately started to get upset so I discreetly told my mom to back off but she wouldn’t listen.
My mom started to say that she wouldn’t do anything but if someone else heard that she kept the boys from school just because then they might call CPS.
Ally insisted it wasn’t just because so my mom told her to explain why.
Ally was close to tears and so I intervened and told my mom it was none of her business and then went ‘she can be a bit nosy sometimes haha pls forgive her you know how she is, she can be a bit overbearing’.
My mom glared at me but we left the food and quickly left. While we were driving back, my mom yelled at me for humiliating her and for making her sound stupid and emotional. She claimed that I’m acting just like my dad and I betrayed her.
She even told me to stop the car so she could walk home just because she didn’t want to be in the presence of a rude daughter. I think that’s a bit extra but her reaction is making me curious.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s no one’s business how your cousin raises her kids unless there are clear signs of neglect and/or mistreatment, which it seems, in this case, there weren’t. I would question your mom’s actions around the entire event, before, during, and after.
You made the assumption that your mom had told your cousin you were coming over, but it turned out she hadn’t.
Is it possible that your mom has a low opinion of your cousin, to begin with, and wanted to catch her at a bad time in a twisted effort to ‘prove’ she’s a bad mother?
From now on if you have an agreement with your mom to visit anyone, YOU make sure to call them and see if the intended day is ok for them. Then you can say to your mom, ‘I called X and they said Saturday would be better than Tuesday, so let’s make it a lunch date for next Saturday.'” sharirogers
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but your mom is. Does Ally have some kind of history that would make her keeping the kids home worrying? If not, I don’t see how it’s any of your mom’s business. And if Ally does have a concerning track record that was not the way to address it.
CPS, my goodness, I’d never let that person near me or my kids again if I could help it. Getting those people involved should be an absolute last resort and missing school isn’t that.
I don’t know how a parent goes about signing a kid up for homeschooling, but seeing as that’s an option, I don’t think a kid not being in school is necessarily any form of child mistreatment.
And I knew plenty of kids whose parents took them out of school for weeks at a time for vacation and whatnot. Who gives a crap about a single day?” Jess_Done_Writing
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Shaming a young mother going through trauma without showing an ounce of compassion when coming over unannounced?
Yeah, your mom is the jerk here and probably the jerk in general. That sounds like a rough childhood. You’re a good friend and cousin for breaking that up. If you can, it would probably be really beneficial to your relationship and your cousin’s well-being to be in touch and ask to have a private visit soon.
Sometimes just asking to come over and talk while you do someone’s dishes is a good way to make their lives easier.” FlaxFox
15. AITJ For Causing My Friend To Get Grounded?
“So I (17F) was at a party last Saturday with my friend Jane (15f). We were having a great time until it was time to go back home. I had driven us there with her dad’s truck as she doesn’t have her license.
Jane had wandered off about 45 minutes before we were gonna leave, I figured she was just hanging out with other people. But in reality, she had snagged the keys from me and taken her friends on a joy ride, scratching the truck pretty badly.
I obviously was very mad, as her dad had trusted me with his truck.
When she got back I told her I was gonna tell her dad what happened, she begged me not to, saying she’d be grounded for a long time if he found out.
I took the keys from her, and she at first refused to get in, saying she wasn’t coming with me, but eventually did get in, begging me the whole 25-minute drive to her house to not tell her dad.
When we got there it was around 1 AM and everyone was asleep except for her dad. She tried to block me from going in, but I just pushed her aside. I asked to speak to her dad privately and we spoke for about 20 minutes, about how she stole the keys from me when I was distracted and how she took it for a joy ride, scratching it very badly.
I offered to pay for the repairs but he refused, saying it wasn’t my fault. After we were done talking he pulled Jane into a room and started screaming at her about how could she be so irresponsible. He then said she was grounded for 4 months and had to use her job money to pay for the repairs (around 700$).
After that, her dad drove me home and the next day she blocked me on everything and got her friends against me, calling me all sorts of stuff online.
So, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Her dad gave YOU permission to drive his truck.
She was in the wrong at every turn, and she wanted you to lie about it and take the blame for her actions. You did the only thing you could do. You were honest with her dad about what happened. You went further and offered to pay for the damage since the car had been in your care.
I hope this incident was character-building for your friend and she learns from it, but probably not since she’s blocking and name-calling. You’re lucky to be rid of her. She’s bad news.” sbh56
Another User Comments:
“You are definitely NTJ.
If anything you were the most responsible person in this situation. She’s young, naive, and ignorant. This will be a huge learning lesson for her in responsibility. She has to understand that you have to be mature with other people’s belongings, especially a car.
She could have injured herself and her friends she took on the joy ride, she’s lucky just the truck was damaged. It was rude of her to expect you to take the blame for her actions and shows she’s severely lacking in empathy and remorse seeing as she was more concerned with u not telling her dad, rather than feeling sorry for causing damage to his truck.
She, however, has no right to be sending her friends after you. Maybe you should let them know how irresponsible and narcissistic she is. OP, you have demonstrated true responsibility even in the face of peer pressure, you will do wonderfully in this world.
Good luck!” ZombieMalibuStacey
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You didn’t get her grounded, her being grounded is a direct result of her behavior – which, for the record, was both illegal and could have had far worse consequences – and she has to face that.
The reality is that she wasn’t a good friend, to begin with, if not only would she violate your trust by taking the keys in the first place but then expect that you would take responsibility for the damage she caused to the truck.
You deserve better friends.” hannahkelli
14. AITJ For Not Wanting To File Taxes With My Soon-To-Be Ex-Husband?
“In January 2022, my soon-to-be ex-husband and I came to the agreement that our marriage wasn’t working, so I moved out of the apartment, and back in with my parents for a little while.
In March I met someone who I am still with and super happy with.
My ex is also in a relationship, so I guess everything was good for the both of us.
In April I found out I was pregnant.
In July I moved in with my partner.
In December I had our baby.
Now the fun begins: Last week I heard from my ex. He asked me if we could do our taxes together. I said no and gave him the reasons why.
Reason 1: I feel like I don’t have to since I wasn’t living with him and haven’t for most of the year 2022 except for 15 days of that year.
Reason 2: I don’t want any issues for me in the future after having a baby that isn’t his and having her on our tax return if we were to file jointly. Especially if my partner decided to claim her one year once his name can go on the birth certificate.
I’ve been advised by several people to also not file together because it could hurt me in the future.
Reason 3: Our divorce is almost finalized. Can’t wait.
For the record, this was a terrible marriage. It was always one-sided, and if he didn’t get his way, he’d act out and guilt trip me, and I’m not dealing with it again.
With that said he asked me four more times on different days. Begging. He said he calculated it and it said he’d owe $700 and that I’d owe a crazy amount too. So I asked my tax guy (my partner’s dad) how much exactly I’d owe.
He said roughly $35. So I told my ex that I’d barely owe and stated again why I don’t want to. Then he said that my partner could just claim her and I could claim her next year. I said no, I was planning on claiming her.
He then says for my partner to claim her, while also calling my baby an ‘it’, while giving me a sob story about how he was going to use his return for when he goes to Puerto Rico.
Again, I told him no and he told me I was being selfish and that he wasn’t going to take my money.
He said that he shouldn’t have to pay that much while I get to pocket it. It’s not about the money for me. It’s about my concerns regarding future tax returns and how they could end up biting me in the butt one day AND I simply just don’t want to.
I told him I didn’t feel like I was being selfish. Not only that but his problems are no longer my problems.
AITJ?
EDIT: I was never considering filing as single, because I can’t. I was going to file as married filing separately.
Neither he nor I have a lawyer. We figured since we shared no marital assets, no children, and do not want alimony either he or I filing for absolute divorce would be best. So, I filed for that.
In my state, the baby is not looked at as my partner’s since he is not on the birth certificate.
I am the only person on the birth certificate. The hospital advised me to do this to avoid my baby being looked at as my ex’s when she isn’t. However, that means my partner could not sign it either.
So technically on the birth certificate, it’s seen as ‘I don’t know who the father is’ even though I do. That’s just how it is for my state, I am not sure about the others. So once the divorce is finalized I can either wait 9 months, show the vital records office the affidavit of parentage, and have my partner put on the birth certificate or get married, and I wasn’t going to get married under those circumstances, so we have to wait 9 months after the divorce has been finalized.”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here.
Filing, either way, might be appropriate. You need to discuss this with a tax specialist.
Also, while the baby might not be, biologically, your husband’s, legally, since it was born during the marriage, he might be considered the father, unless steps are taken to address the issue of paternity.
Certainly, being able to claim the child as a dependent, born during the marriage, would affect your husband’s taxes.
Discuss this with your tax specialist, and with your divorce attorney. Whoever advised you at the hospital, while well-meaning, probably wasn’t an attorney, and would not necessarily know all of the potential legal and tax complications.
States generally prefer to have two legal parents, so that there is a legal backup should something happen to you. You need to figure out who would be legally responsible for your child, should you get hit by the Hypothetical Bus tomorrow.
A child born during the marriage complicates things, even if your husband isn’t the biological father.” Jazzlike_Humor3340
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You can file your taxes any legal way that you want. I hope your tax guy is taking into account that you were married at the end of the year and have to file as a married person, be it married filing jointly (your soon-to-be-ex’s desire) or married filing separately.
Even if it costs more, you’re probably better off filing separately just to disentangle yourself as much as possible from your soon-to-be-ex-husband, or ‘was-band’ as I heard someone say.” YMMV-But
Another User Comments:
“YTJ because you’re making this decision emotionally rather than financially.
The three of you should get one tax person to do all your taxes together, with instructions to minimize the joint total and to share the benefits of any joint filings equitably. That’s what would be best for all of you including your baby.” singularineet
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
You need to protect your finances from your ex. Do not file married filing jointly with him as you would be on the hook for any balance due on the jointly filed return. The IRS doesn’t care about your ex’s promises, they would come after you if there’s a balance due on a return that you signed that wasn’t paid.
If you’re worried about him filing a fraudulent return using your SSN, you can protect yourself by applying for an IP PIN (identity protection pin) from the IRS on IRS.gov. Once you obtain your PIN, no one would be able to file your return without the PIN.
The only downside is that at the moment, once you opt-in for an IP PIN, you can’t opt out again. You’d need to obtain your new PIN each year from your IRS account.
I suggest that you get yourself a CPA to prepare for your return this year.
Because you and your ex didn’t live together for the last 6 months of the year, you may qualify to file as head of household. There are certain benefits to this filing status that you won’t want to miss out on if you qualify.” LabMixWoofers
13. AITJ For "Turning My Partner's Niece Against Her Own Mom"?
“I (31F) have been with my partner (25F) for a little over two years.
I know her family and I get along with them. There hasn’t really been much of a problem between us. Until now.
My partner has a sister (30F – Let’s call her Ellie – She is a single mother) and a niece (11 – Let’s call her Jenna).
Jenna and I get along pretty well and talk to each other a lot. She was the kindest member of the family when I initially started going out with my partner and I love her dearly.
The other day everyone was gathered in our house, just so we could see each other and catch up.
Jenna was obviously very down throughout the whole day. When I had the opportunity I asked her if she was okay. She said she had had a fight with her mother and she was upset about how she was being treated (she expressed sadness over her mother wanting to control her life, embarrassing her in front of friends, etc.)
I simply told her that she was allowed to feel the way she did and that it was pretty common to feel this way around her age. I said there were times when I was sure my mom was the absolute worst but I later got to appreciate her for those times quite a bit.
We had a lengthy conversation but this was a pretty solid summary of events.
Ellie walked in on me telling Jenna a story about one example of a conflict I’d had with my mother. It was about a time I had sneaked out of the house over something stupid.
She said it was wrong to share that with Jenna at all and that I was encouraging bad behavior and turning my niece against her own mother by telling her of my ridiculous wild days. I tried to tell her that this was out of context, but she wasn’t having it and told me I should no longer have these kinds of conversations with her daughter.
My partner told me Ellie was overreacting. However, I still thought I may be in the wrong or maybe I overstepped boundaries. I don’t know if this is wrong, I thought it was just an innocent way to cheer her up.
Let me know if I am wrong.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Often time kids need an adult they can vent to that isn’t their parent or family member. It’s not like this was your first conversation with her, you clearly have a bond and it’s really awesome she felt safe enough to talk to you!
Like you said, she’s at that age where we all (okay, some of us) hate our moms, and I’m sure Ellie is feeling that. She probably overreacted out of fear or possibly insecurity. If she doesn’t want you to talk to her about that stuff, you should respect that for the time being, otherwise, you would kinda be a jerk.” Kubuubud
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
It is not reasonable to expect all adults in Jenna’s life to hide their own histories and adolescent experiences. Especially the things they now view as mistakes through their adult eyes. Adults pretending that they were always perfect and obedient and all-knowing is a great way to make teenagers feel like complete failures and/or freaks for having normal adolescent emotions and decision-making skills.
Which no empathetic parent would knowingly choose to do, surely.
I think Ellie is parenting from a place of fear, and I think your partner knows it. She is correct – this was an overreaction and not one you should take to heart.” DiTrastevere
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I have had similar convos with my niece by marriage because she felt she could come to me without judgment. I also always told her that she can tell me anything in confidence, but also if I felt her mum needed to know I would tell her (my niece) and give her a chance to tell her mum herself or ask if she wanted me to tell her.
This built up trust between myself, my SIL, and my niece. My SIL has come to me when she is worried about my niece and asked me to talk to her because she is more likely to open up to me.
She never asks about the contents of our convos. All she needs to know is if niece is ok.
I think it’s wonderful that she can come to you, and your sil needs to be thankful your niece has someone she can turn to.
Had she actually listened to you, she would have understood that you were actually doing the opposite of trying to turn her daughter against her.” Lady_Trig
12. AITJ For Telling My Husband If He Doesn't Help Out We'll Have To Pay For A Maid?
“I am currently the only one working in our household. My husband lost his job during the global crisis and hasn’t found anything he wants to do since.
He worked hard and we have money set aside and we were going to retire. When he lost his job we decided that I would work a few extra years and set extra funds into my pension.
Our kids are grown and have left the house so it is just us and the dogs.
But he is beginning to drive me nuts. When I get home he hasn’t cleaned at all and he hasn’t cooked. So I told him that I was going to hire a girl to come by and do some housework and meal prep.
But that the money would be coming out of our date night fund.
He got mad and said that I was being controlling because I was the one bringing home money.
When I was a stay-at-home mom I cleaned and made dinner and lunches.
His entire contribution to our food was grilling.
He called our kids and now he is mad because they all told him that he needs to do more around the house.
I don’t think I’m wrong to ask him to pick up around the house.
It’s only the two of us. It’s not that difficult.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. To be quite honest, he sounds depressed, but he’s not going to get better if he’s sitting around. Talking about money sets him off, so obviously it’s about money, but I think he feels emasculated. You’re the breadwinner while he isn’t bringing in money, and now you want him to clean the house: role reversal. Your kids don’t see it that way because the next generation doesn’t care about roles, ‘men’s work’ and ‘women’s work’, but I think he still does.
He was fine before because you were doing the cleaning and cooking, and now that’s supposed to be him? He needs to stop feeling sorry for himself and help out or find a job.” Actual_Storage_9709
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
I’m glad your kids backed you up. I can just imagine him sitting on the couch with his arms crossed, harumphing. If he is not contributing financially to the household, he needs to at least be contributing labor. Otherwise, he is just dead weight.
Perhaps chores would be most palatable in the form of a Hunny-do list. He seems to think he is above cleaning.” YettiChild
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, no matter the gender if there are no kids to be looked after and it’s legit just cleaning up after 2 grown adults and he isn’t going to be working, he should clean.
The stay-at-home spouse should do the housework. Like as long as you aren’t trashing the house or making a mess and then telling him to clean what’s the problem? He seems stuck in his sexist neanderthal ways of men work, women clean.
Well sucks to be him as roles are reversed.
He has no reason to complain about what money pays for a helper to clean and cook (if you do go this route get a man – a super young hot one) because 1.
It’s technically your money as his is set aside, 2. If he doesn’t want the money to be used he can easily do the cooking and cleaning. Like again I’m assuming but as 2 adults with no kids, the house can’t be super messy and it’s not like you’re expecting 5 courses for every meal.” Aromatic_Flounder_67
11. AITJ For Not Wanting To Be A Free Babysitter Anymore?
“I’m (31F), unmarried with no kids and absolutely no plans to have any.
Pretty much ALL my female friends are mothers so over the years I’m seen how hard it can be and how much of a struggle it is, so I’ve offered myself up for childcare. At first, it was just the odd evening to give them a bit of a break, then the odd weekend, which somehow turned into a whole week during a half term, and then basically watching my friend’s child every time she was working, then watching another friend’s 3 children while she goes on holiday.
It’s now gotten to the point that I’m always expected to be available when needed for childcare.
I love all my friends’ children and I’m very close with them after having spent so much time with them over the years but I’m really starting to feel taken advantage of.
I saw how some of them act when people say no to having their children, which can range from irritation to thinking people ‘just don’t like their children’. I’m not super great with dealing with conflict and I hate saying no but I’m literally at my wit’s end and since I am not a qualified childminder as well as the fact haven’t EVER been paid to watch their children over the last 10 years I’ve been ‘helping out’.
AITJ for saying no or being busy with my own life or distancing myself when my friends want me to watch their children?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Before you say anything to your friends, please think through what boundaries you want to set.
How many total hours/days per week would be too much? Will you operate on a first-come, first-served basis, so one friend can book all of your capacity for themselves? Or do you want to put a cap on what you’ll do for any one friend to make sure you have time and energy to help others, too?
If I was in your shoes, and feeling very run down, I would look at it as needing a respite from providing child care and an attempt to recharge as quickly as possible by capping it at no more than four hours per friend and no more than twelve hours total per week.
My policy would essentially be ’emergencies only.’ Someone else needs to be their first choice of who to turn to, at least for a while.
You’re not a safe caregiver when you’re exhausted and at your wit’s end.” throw05282021
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You are a really good friend! If your friends have any sense at all they’ll graciously accept that their free ride is over and hope that you’ll still want a relationship with their children.
Kids need adults in their lives that care about them and set an example of how happiness and success can be found in all different types of living situations (married, single, with or without children). If I were your friend, I’d have my boys make a special day for you to show they appreciate you and your time.” OkCollection2886
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, even if you stopped babysitting altogether. Unfortunately though, all too often ‘no good deed goes unpunished’ and your friends may reflexively react negatively and then justify being like that to themselves after the fact – rather than realizing that while a good thing has come to an end they were never entitled to it in the first place and owe you a debt of gratitude.
All you can do is tell them in a cushioned way, sandwiching notifying them that the babysitting will be drastically cut down between telling them how much you enjoy being in their lives and want to see the kids in the future – it’s just that you can’t always be available and have your own plans.
Just to let them know, from now on you can only babysit (insert terms here).
You will almost certainly get backlash. You may even lose friends – but those who would react that way mainly see you as a convenient babysitter and/or are so self-involved that they can’t see your point of view and aren’t good friends to have.
If their mindset has ossified into thinking of friends without children as those without lives who are there to help out those with actual lives (parents) then you may want them to just go anyway.” jwjnthrowawaykfeiofj
10. AITJ For Quitting While In The Middle Of Helping My Mother-In-Law Move?
“My MIL lived four hours from our city. Last year she decided to sell her house and move near the family. She recently closed on another house here as her house was under contract. My wife stayed home, overseeing some work being done on the new house while also painting.
Our daughter (6) and I went down to my MIL’s house to get her moved out.
My MIL is the type of lady that exalts males on a glorified pedestal. Over the years, she has made numerous inappropriate remarks about my body build or my appearance.
She has even gone as far as asking very personal questions. Nonetheless, her mouth has gotten her in major trouble. With that said, when we arrived she seemed to have been minding her manners at first. She made a comment to my daughter along the lines of when she gets older, she should marry a man just like her father.
Later that night we had an argument. My kid did not eat dinner because she had a stomach ache. My MIL demanded she help clean the kitchen and said I should be relaxing instead. My argument was, why should she have to help clean up from dinner when she didn’t even eat?
The next morning, my daughter slept in a bit which irritated my MIL. She made a comment that my wife is lazy and that’s where her granddaughter gets it from. It made me mad considering all the work my wife had been doing to her new house.
An hour later, my daughter got out of bed. I was outside when my MIL was putting socks on my kid and said, ‘Don’t ever get fat like your mother.’ I didn’t know about that comment until the next day.
As they were packing boxes, I overheard my MIL telling my daughter that her mother did not want to push through with giving birth to her. For the record, that is not true. It was my MIL that was hounding my wife to end the pregnancy because she said my wife would ‘blow up even bigger’ and that having kids ruin lives.
All my daughter knew about the termination of pregnancy was that it meant a mother does not want/cannot have the baby.
My child was upset and hurt. My instinct was to get her away from that environment. We got lunch and I took her to the beach to distract her mind.
We spoke it over, I promised her what her grandmother had said was not true. I called my wife, and she and our child spoke for a while. It was while they were on the phone the comment about not getting fat like your mother was brought to my attention.
We went back to the house, I gathered our belongings and we left. Outside sat several pieces of furniture and a few large boxes. My MIL tried hiring movers after we left, but none were available. Overnight it rained which ruined everything.
My BIL called me a piece of crap for letting her furniture get ruined and also claimed it was elder abuse. A week later I received a handwritten bill requesting $4,000 for the ruined furniture. My MIL wrote how saddened she was to realize my wife had brainwashed and demasculinized me.
The move occurred on the first of the year, yesterday I received an additional handwritten letter stating I will be sued if I do not pay for the damages.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and keep your daughter away from her in the future.
She wants to be a grandma? Then she needs to act like a loving grandma. Seems unlikely that she will change at this age, but maybe she’ll be able to keep her mouth shut enough to at least be allowed at family functions where she is never alone with your daughter.
Personally, I wouldn’t want to be around the woman at all, and I’m sorry she is moving closer to you.
Your MIL is the jerk here.” indendosha
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Sounds like your MIL is a piece of work.
Not only is she disrespecting you but saying completely inappropriate things to your daughter. She needs a reality check and just because you’re family it doesn’t mean she can say those horrible things. Not saying she deserves to have her stuff rained on but that’s how things played out and I don’t blame you for leaving that situation as soon as possible like you did.” salec83
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
She decided to start talking trash about her own daughter, while her move was completely dependent on your family, so not only is she a raging jerk, but also completely lacking in foresight.
You were 100% right to remove your daughter from that situation, MIL could have caused serious lasting harm if you hadn’t reacted as quickly as you did.
And seriously, I would not advise letting her around your daughter again, if this is how she acts.
She has zero grounds for a lawsuit unless you were under contract to pack up and move her things that day, which it doesn’t sound like you were.
She’ll have a fun time paying a buttload in legal fees if she’s foolish enough to take it to court, but do some research and have a solid lawyer in mind to protect yourself in case she tries it.” sci_fi_bi
9. AITJ For Telling My Partner That Her Portion Sizes Are Not Adequate?
“My (21f) partner (25f) and I both really love to cook and share what we make with each other all the time.
But she always gives me super small portions. Think 10 rigatoni noodles or 4 bites of stroganoff, not even enough for a snack. I don’t want to seem ungrateful, but it has always bothered me. My culture is big on sharing food.
Guests never leave without an offer for seconds and as much food as they’ll take. You have to be generous, insist people take more, and make them feel like it’s no trouble. Whenever I pack her anything it’s always a full portion.
And so while I really cherish her food, it stings.
Tonight, I went to my partner’s house, and on my way out she offered to give me some chili she made. As expected, it was about 4-6 bites in total. Her mom saw the portion and went ‘That’s so little!
What’s wrong with you?’ And made her go fill up the container.
Here’s where I may be the jerk: we discussed this incident on the phone later. My partner called her mom overbearing for making her go fill the container.
I went ahead and told her it actually did hurt that she always gave me small portions. It made me feel like either: she didn’t want to give me any food so gave the smallest portion possible, or she didn’t have enough to be sharing with me so that was all she could give (which I know to be not true most of the time, but still).
Both make me feel really bad about taking anything. I pointed out the cultural background and that whenever I give her any food it’s always a full portion, so the fact that it’s not reciprocated does hurt. There have been times she offered to make me lunch for work, which ended with me getting a toddler-sized meal and having to go hungry.
She defended herself saying she doesn’t like to give away much if it isn’t as good as she wants it to be (which was the case with the chili). She said in her mind giving someone food means sharing a little taster, like a Costco-free sample, and she did it this way because she wouldn’t want someone to be saddled with a full portion of food they didn’t like.
I told her while I am grateful and really love her cooking, this is not how most people view offering someone something to eat and pretty poor etiquette, especially to someone from my background.
She said she understood and was sorry and that she hadn’t thought of it from another perspective, but I could tell she was a little upset at the implication that she was being stingy and oblivious to social norms. I feel like I was justified, but also like the jerk for complaining about the portion size of the free food gifted to me in the first place.
So, AITJ?
Edit: My partner always offers me seconds and has never made any comments about my portion size when we physically eat together. We are also both regular gym goers with similar body types (and weigh almost the same) – so I could not imagine she’d be trying to control my weight.”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. It sounds like you guys had a reasonable conversation where you both shared what was going on in your minds. You both have a better understanding of each other’s point of view now.
Maybe next time she’ll give you more when she’s proud of what she makes, and if she doesn’t maybe you won’t be so hurt since you understand where she’s coming from.
If you’re planning on taking it for lunch, maybe tell her so and ask if she can give you a full portion even if she’s not super proud of it because you’re always thankful for and enjoy what she cooks, even if she’s not proud of it.
I don’t see why anyone is a jerk here unless neither of you can let this go.” NuketheCow_
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – you didn’t ‘complain’ as you put it. You discussed your differing viewpoints and now you get to watch to see if she makes an effort to adjust. By the way – while I give her a pass on how she views the situation (you never can assume background and we do offer taste tests of things like wine, so maybe that’s where she gets it from), her view is definitely not the norm.
Packing someone’s lunch should not be a ‘Costco sampling’.
On your end, you’re going to need to make an effort the very next time she offers her cooking. Either thank her for taking your conversation seriously and compliment her for it or immediately mention (before you eat) that this is not an adequate portion to offer and ‘let me help you understand what would be a socially acceptable portion,’ and take your dish to the kitchen and fix it.
Be sure you are being caring while you retrain her to be generous. If this doesn’t work, then offer to help her with this by always doing the plating/packing.
If it helps, in my culture, guests’ plates are supposed to always have more food on them than the host’s plate.
In many cases, the host doesn’t even eat until everyone else is finished (to make sure there is enough food for the family/guests). To see anything else at the table is a faux pas.” OkSeat4312
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Sure, maybe she felt a bit embarrassed or put off, but that’s on her. You approached this in a very calm manner, had a nice discussion on the topic, didn’t belittle her or accost her in any way, and simply talked through the topic.
That’s how relationships are SUPPOSED to work. Yeah, those involved may feel a way for a bit after, but that’s expected, it means they are actually listening and reflecting.
You did nothing wrong.” RoxasofsorrowXIII
8. AITJ For Going To My Mom's Funeral?
“My (16F) father (52M) and I don’t have a great relationship. I was never very close with my father right from birth, he wasn’t there when I was born and never was when I was growing up.
About two months ago my mother passed away in hospital, she had been diagnosed with stage 4 cancer a year or so before passing, I took it very badly because of how close my mother and I were.
When I asked my father what the funeral plans were he said ‘your mother’s family are sorting it, leave them to it,’ and when I further questioned him he eventually told me neither he nor I were going to the funeral.
I got into a huge argument with my father, I called him several names and cut complete contact with him, I then moved in with my partner’s family and am sitting on their sofa as I write this.
I went to my mother’s funeral as I had wanted to with the full support of my partner, but I can’t help but feel like what I did was selfish.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Absolutely NTJ. It sounds like your father has some weird grudge and is very controlling. You should be wary if he calls the cops and wants you home though. I really hope you can get in touch with another family member who could maybe become your legal guardian.
You’re old enough that you can tell a judge why you would prefer a guardian over your father being a legal custodian. I’m really sorry about your mom, OP, and wish you the best.” dollarlieutenant
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Your father sounds like a real piece of work. Even if things weren’t good between the two of them, he has no right to stop you from attending her funeral. I’m glad you went. If he can’t accept that you had a better relationship with her due to his own jealousy and wrongdoing, that’s his cross to bear, because he could have worked on his relationship with you.
Also, I’m so sorry for your loss. You’re far too young to have lost a parent, and I’m sorry that your other parent isn’t being there for you to help you through this insanely difficult time.” Stroopwafeled
Another User Comments:
“NTJ…
From what you say, it sounds like your father wasn’t financially prepared for the event of your mother/his wife’s passing, and your mother’s family took over the arrangements. If so, it was probably very embarrassing for your father, hence his reluctance to go and take you.
That’s a pride issue and has NOTHING to do with you. You did the right thing honoring your mother and attending her funeral. I’m glad you decided to go.” mrsnastycanasta
7. AITJ For Changing The WiFi Password Every Day?
“My 17-year-old daughter, Kim, is going through a hard time with her mental health. It’s gotten to a point where Kim refuses to go to school almost every single day. In January, she went to school for 4 days. Total. We’ve been working with the school to allow Kim to get homework digitally, but she doesn’t keep up with it.
My wife and I have gotten her into therapy as well as counseling through her school last fall, but the results of that have been mixed as I don’t think Kim is putting in the necessary work on her end.
She is on medication, but we’re still working with her doctor to find the right combination to meet her needs.
If Kim had her way, she’d just spend all day in bed with her laptop. She doesn’t do anything to help around the house, doesn’t work, doesn’t go to school, doesn’t eat meals with the family, and just sits in her room on her computer all day and all night.
We’ve tried so many different things and nothing has seemed to make any positive change. It’s infuriating and heartbreaking at the same time.
One constant throughout all of this has been her computer and phone. She’s on them constantly. No matter how many times we bring this up to her that maybe she needs to spend less time in front of a screen, she insists that isn’t the cause of her problems.
So, finally, I decided to start changing our WiFi password to one that only my wife and I know. I change it every night before we go to sleep and don’t change it back to the one the kids know until after we get home from work.
Kim was not happy about this and used up all of our family plan data in less than a week. We had to change our plan to restrict her usage. At first, my wife was on board with this as she also felt that Kim was spending too much time on her phone and computer.
But after Kim basically threw a gigantic tantrum about it, my wife is not so sure.
Kim tried to use the argument that if we want her to do school work at home, she needs the internet. But she wasn’t doing the work anyway so that argument didn’t really hold water for me.
She tried saying that she needs the internet to have access to her support network, but we take her to therapy and counseling in person and I feel if she put more effort into those, then maybe she would make some progress.
Kim hates me for this and told me that restricting her internet access in this day and age is ‘mistreatment’. My wife is also wavering on this idea because Kim isn’t showing any positive changes and still isn’t going to school.
Every single day is an emotional roller coaster for me. Anger, frustration, embarrassment, futility, failure, fear. I know Kim is struggling and seeing your child go through something that you can’t fix is something I wouldn’t wish on anybody.
All I’m trying to do is gently force Kim to focus on her issues and take the steps necessary to address them and make progress toward being a functional adult.
She has 3 acceptance letters to colleges that she is very unlikely to attend now.”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. Your intentions are good, and I understand your frustration as a parent, but you’re putting a band-aid on a paper cut while she’s bleeding internally.
If in her depressed state, she does nothing but go on the internet, cutting off her access to the internet is not going to do anything to help her depression. Instead, she’ll spend her time laying in bed doing absolutely nothing.
This isn’t the tough love you think it is. Her depression is still there. It’s not going away. You’ve taken away her only distraction and now she will wallow in the literal nothingness that she feels.” Jollyjewgiant
Another User Comments:
“I’m leaning towards NTJ because this is an impossible situation and I really feel for all of you.
It’s very possible that your daughter’s support network is online. It’s also very possible that this is toxic and could be detrimental to her mental health.
Without actually speaking with her, it’s impossible to know.
So that she’s not held back with support and school work, could you allow her wifi access with parental controls on it? If it was me, I’d be looking to block access to any potentially harmful material (not saying that she does, but as an example, if she had an eating disorder, I’d block access to pro-anorexia websites).
It might be worth exploring this with her and her therapist to find a way that she can use it for support but in a healthy way and ensure that she’s not being bullied online or anything.
More than anything though, you need to show her your unconditional love for her.
Tell her you love her and often. Talk to her, and more than that, LISTEN TO WHAT SHE SAYS (both verbally and non-verbally). She sounds as if she might have pretty severe depression so you need to show her that you’re being supportive and not punishing her by removing her access to the internet, but protecting her from harm.
Seek professional support for yourself too, you’ll need someone to support yourself as you navigate through this together.” PrudentDeparture4516
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. It’s coming from a place of love but you are still the jerk. Kim isn’t acting out—she’s having mental health issues.
A lot of mental health issues affect motivation, the ability to sleep, energy levels, etc. they throw the whole body out of whack. She’s doing her best to keep herself going—she needs her friends and her support network.
Her schedule right now doesn’t sound conventionally healthy but she’s doing her best. Especially since it sounds like her meds haven’t been worked out yet. Be gentle with her. School is not the most important thing in the world—your daughter’s health and happiness are.” Dshoko315
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
This is a process addiction and it’s probably not the cause of her problems, but rather a symptom. She is using her addiction to her devices to hide from her feelings.
But, in my opinion, you are right to take steps to help your children manage their addictions while they are minors.
We are struggling with similar issues in our household. Phones are addictive. They are designed to be addictive. But they’re also socially acceptable, and necessary, so it’s complicated. If I ever figure it out, I’ll let you know.” alalalittlebitalexis
6. AITJ For Creating A Social Media Account For My Cousin's Dog?
“My (17M) cousin (Kenny, 20M) has a boxer dog called Gracie, she’s a cutie pie and loves everyone. She’s the most chill, most docile dog ever. I used to think boxer dogs are scary but nah this dog is amazing.
I’m not allowed animals in my house, so I often go over to my cousin’s house to play with her (my cousin lives nearby, and we are a close-knit family… so everyone goes over to each other’s houses all the time).
Kenny has never minded it and is in fact more than happy to have me there because I house-sit for free when he goes out with friends/date nights.
I take a lot of pictures of Gracie and send them to Kenny or on the family group chat.
I had an idea last year while going through my phone and seeing literally hundreds of photos of Gracie, that I should make a social media account. I did it, and have been posting photos/reels on it. It has like 550 followers and is not even monetized. Kenny found out about the account through a friend who came across a reel that went mildly viral and recognized Gracie.
Well, Kenny texted me several long paragraphs saying I did not ask his permission and I’m basically ‘exploiting’ his dog for clout and broke his trust. Umm, how am I being exploitative? I don’t even make anything off that page and besides, with how much I dog sit for him that dog is kind of mine as well and loves me more than him because she cries when I leave and doesn’t even care when Kenny leaves.
I didn’t want to escalate the matter, so I told him that I’ll share the account password with him and we can jointly run it but nah he’s not even listening and wants me to delete it.
I don’t think it’s fair for him to ask me to delete it, I’ve never even asked him for anything while helping him out and it’s just a social media account, so what’s the big deal?
My parents want me to delete it and so do some of my other cousins but I reached out to Kenny’s parents and they don’t even care and said they’ll talk to Kenny. He didn’t listen to them as far as I know.
Am I being unreasonable or exploitative? It’s just a small irrelevant account.
Edit: I’ve apologized to Kenny, and will delete the account within a few hours.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. The dog isn’t practically yours, that’s not how the real world works.
You went to an adult’s parents to try to get them to give you approval, it’s not their dog either. You can’t escalate arguments to parents, that’s not how the real world works.
It’s time to grow up and learn that you aren’t the main character of everyone’s story.
Your actions have consequences and people are allowed to have boundaries.
If you told people not to post pictures of you and they post 15 pictures would you be mad?” Cosmic_Jinx
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
It would have taken you no time to ask Kenny if he minded before creating the account and you would have found out then and there that he did mind.
Kenny specifically said you were exploiting Gracie ‘for clout’. He never said you were monetizing the account. He correctly stated that you were using Gracie’s images to fulfill your personal desire to have those images and videos available to strangers.
It is entirely up to Kenny if he wants pictures of his dog (and the inside of his home!!) available for complete strangers to see. You may not think it’s a big deal but it’s not about you! And the fact that you offered to share the account login shows that you see value in being the owner of this account aka the one getting the clout.
Just like Kenny said.
It is absolutely insane of you to think that because you dog sit often and because the dog cries when you leave, it means that it’s ‘kind of’ yours as well. That is not your dog.
That is Kenny’s dog. Kenny adopted/bought/was given the dog. Kenny buys the dog food and pays the vet. The dog sleeps and lives in Kenny’s home. It is Kenny’s dog!” joanholmes
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
You used your cousin’s ‘property’ for your own personal benefit of gaining clout and attention, without knowledge or permission from the ‘property’ owner.
Repeatedly cleaning a house without asking to be paid does not make the house ‘basically yours’ you use it however you want without the property owner’s permission. It’s the same thing here.
Saying you didn’t make anything off of it so it’s not exploitation is basically saying betraying someone’s trust on a technicality is ok.” SgtPeanutbutter
5. AITJ For Lecturing My Mom About Being A Good Parent?
“I (30F) have a daughter that we will call Marley (3F) with my husband whom we will call Jake (32M). We live a very comfortable life and we are even blessed enough that I can stay at home with Marley.
I go to therapy. I have a lot of unresolved trauma that requires it. Jake normally watches our daughter while I attend my sessions, but he had something pop up for work the same day as my therapy session. I didn’t want to, but I contacted my mother (55F) to see if she’d be willing to help out while I attend my session for an hour.
My mom and I have a strange relationship. We can go as far as to say I had everything I needed that money could buy as a child, but I never had emotional support growing up and I would have rather had that than money.
She’s still married to my dad (63M), but she never lets him speak his peace about anything unless it’s to take her side in a situation.
I contacted my mother to see if she could watch my daughter as therapy is a necessity for me (I don’t tell my parents this but their emotional unavailability is part of the reason I attend other than stuff that happened to me in my early 20s).
I didn’t even get a polite ‘no sorry’ from her, but a big sigh followed by a ‘don’t I do enough for you?’ I didn’t see that coming because we hardly ask her to watch my daughter and she hasn’t seen her in 3 weeks and that was a family function, not a watching her affair.
I told her it was just for an hour and before I could finish she said ‘you know when you were younger I didn’t have a mommy to lean on when I needed a break. I did it all on my own so you need to buck up and be a mother.’ I told her ‘the point of being a good parent is to provide your child with better than what you had and that doesn’t stop after 18.
I believe that you deserved a break too when you raised me whether you think you did or not. If Marley were in my situation I would provide her all the breaks she needed as long as I’m not raising her child.’
She got mad and told me to shut up and hung up on me. My dad texted me and told me that I pushed it too far and triggered my mother even though I told her she deserved a break.
Jake thinks I did the right thing by standing up for myself but could have gone about it a better way. AITJ here?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your request was reasonable, and her reaction was terrible. Parents who neglect their young children — physically or emotionally — often continue that neglect when their children are adults.
It seems she’s also extending it to your daughter.
I’m sorry your mother continues to traumatize you, but I think it was an important and powerful step for you to speak the truth to her. And you did it in an emotionally mature way.
Kudos to you for that! If she doesn’t care enough to spend an hour with her grandchild to provide you an hour for yourself, perhaps she doesn’t deserve the option in the future.” elle23nc
Another User Comments:
“You probably could have been more gentle, but from your description of your relationship with your mother, I doubt it would have mattered. My MIL says the same thing; ‘we didn’t get a break when you were young’, but that has no relevance to today.
Honestly, you could have gone a lot further than what you said, and I would still say NTJ. Or at least if you are the jerk, you were just responding in kind. ‘Don’t I do enough for you’ is something one says if they are trying to start an argument.
She’s just upset because she lost the argument.” white_choco_latte
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Your mom was triggered because that’s her trauma. Guess she’s aware subconsciously somewhere that she did deserve that support and is now depriving her daughter of it – you pointed out she’s validated her negative experience of motherhood by passing it on to you.
I’m pretty sure she recognized she was not emotionally available on some level…
Glad your therapy is on schedule, maybe your mom can use some too…” mayfeelthis
4. AITJ For Making My Niece Live With Her Other Uncle?
“My SIL passed away 12 years and my brother passed away 4 years ago.
They had a daughter who is 13 years old now.
After my brother passed away both my SIL’s brother and I tried to adopt my niece but as my niece didn’t have much of a relationship with her mom’s family I was obviously the better option so I ended up adopting her.
Recently my niece has got this very annoying habit that whenever we have a disagreement she says she would rather go and live with her other uncle.
I know she doesn’t mean it because 1. she barely knows her other uncle 2.
I have a high-paying job and I’m able to provide things that most people aren’t able to provide so she is too spoiled to be able to live with anyone else.
About a week ago it happened again she told me she wants to live with her other uncle.
This time I told her to go pack a bag. She went to her room. An hour later I went to her room and asked her if she is ready. She said she didn’t mean what she said and doesn’t really want to go.
I told her that she should go anyway, she’ll stay for a week and then she can tell me if she wants to stay there or come back home. She insisted that she already knows where she wants to stay but I told her to get in the car and drove her there.
After a week I called and asked if she wants to come home and she said yes however she hasn’t been talking to me. My family heard what happened and now everyone is mad at me and thinks I’m a jerk.
Edit: We decided to have a conversation about it, I asked her how they treated her and she told me while her uncle was nice, her aunt made her feel unwelcome and she didn’t feel good about being there and she doesn’t want to live with them and she thinks I was a jerk for sending her even after she apologized. I apologized and told her that even if she wanted to live with them, I would still bring her back home because I love her too much and can’t live without her, so she is stuck with me.
She has some conditions for forgiving me for example she continues to torture me by forcing me to binge-watch Riverdale with her. And she wants a daddy, daughter day and I’m guessing that I’m not going to like any of her plans based on the evil grin on her face, but I’ll do whatever makes her happy.”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here
She’s entering her teenage years, and she’s gonna throw an attitude, but that doesn’t give her a get-out-of-jail-free card for abusing your feelings. What you did is tough love, whether or not the timing of it was good or if you jumped too quickly, I don’t know, but young teens and adults at some point need to face the reality and consequences of their own words.
Because of her past, has she been seeing a therapist? Usually, when I meet children who threaten that they will run away or go live with someone else, it usually stems from deeper issues of abandonment or trust issues.” Springloll
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
You are the grown-up. Act like it. Her attitude is not abnormal for a teenager. It is incumbent upon you to rise above the rude temper tantrums and be a constant source of stability and safety in her life.
She lost both parents so early. Please don’t shake the foundation that she has left by letting her attitude get your goat like you did here. When she apologized, you should have discussed why her behavior was unacceptable and stopped threatening her.
We all get angry. Raising kids is hard. But keep trying. You can do this.” Hapnhopeless
Another User Comments:
“I’m going with NTJ – she’s been saying this constantly to get under his skin. Probably trying to get her way with something.
It was just a week – it’s not like he shipped her off forever. She now knows what it’s like to live with the other uncle and will probably not do that again. She hopefully feels a little more appreciative towards him.
She might be mad as it’s never fun being called out like that. Hopefully, she’ll just get over it – he can buy her something fun and that might do it. Hopefully, he tells her how much she means to him, and saying these hurtful things is not cool.
That’s super important. Show her you care – and how this stuff hurts.” Old-Ninja-113
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You made a mistake, but I think an apology could help a lot. You’re obviously doing your best and love your niece.
She is a child who has lost both parents and is coping with that trauma. Teenagers sometimes lash out and it’s normal to feel hurt by that, but after she acknowledged that she was wrong, you guys should have had a discussion about why ‘I’m going to go live with my other uncle’ is her go-to when things get difficult at home.
She’s testing to see if she’ll be abandoned by you. Keep in mind that this may not be a conscious process on her part.
It might be helpful to talk with a therapist together and separately. This is a tough situation and the trauma of losing parents can resurface at various times in her life.
A professional might be able to help.” partylupone
3. AITJ For Not Wanting A Ring Doorbell On My Door?
“My (21) sister (32) and I live in a duplex together, our parents own it and we pay them rent.
We pay 50-50 but she has inhabited all the common areas, and the garage, and has a larger apartment. My door is in the back and her door is in the front. She installed a ring camera on her door a few weeks ago and then shortly after installed one on my door without asking me.
I told her I did not want one on my door. I have 2 dogs and have to take them out periodically. I leave for work at 5:45 am and they don’t even wake up until 9 or 10. I also just don’t want to be recorded every single time I go outside.
Not to mention the camera directs right onto the back patio where I have people over… so when summer comes around, it will be ringing constantly. Basically what I’m saying is I’m totally against this ring doorbell and have asked it be taken down several times.
My sister has refused because there is a common area downstairs and our doors connect through a mud room so someone could break into my door and get to her stuff. You can see the entire driveway (the only way you can get to the back) on hers.
It’s overkill to have two of them.
It is also simply MY DOOR! My side of the house, but that’s just me being ‘selfish’ so I’ll never get anywhere with that being a solid argument not to have the camera.
So I set the thing off 11 times yesterday. She sent all of these occurrences to my parents who are now mad at me. 2x going to work (there and back), 4x letting my dog out (2x in and out), 2x taking out the trash, 3x when I went to the store and brought in groceries
I’m not doing this to be a jerk. I’m not taking extra/special trips outside. I honestly feel like she’s just facing the consequences of her own crap but my parents and other siblings are calling me a jerk for setting it off so much.
I’m honestly at a loss and need some opinions on this.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. All those entries and exits were reasonable parts of living. What are your sister and parents suggesting? That you only leave the house to work, don’t walk your dogs, don’t go shopping?
Ask them when they made your sister your jailer?
A compromise would be to move the ring doorbell into the hall that links to your sister and fit decent locks to that door. That way your sister controls her space and not yours.
And if your parents are worried about security, suggest a ring on a separate system for your flat alone. Same security but doesn’t bother your sister every time.” Timely_Egg_6827
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your sister and your parents need their heads checked. What are you supposed to do – teleport in and out of your house?
Your problem is that you are letting your sister get away with this. Stand your ground, tell your sister she has until the end of the day to remove her Ring from YOUR door, or you will take care of it with a hammer.
It’s YOUR door, and she has no right to surveil you in YOUR space, no matter what excuse she comes up with! She can put a deadbolt on her mudroom door if she’s that paranoid.” TrainingDearest
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but everyone else (except those doggos) in this story is.
Your sister is a controlling jerk and your family is enabling it. You have the right to exit and enter your home as often as you like without exceptions.
Why are you paying 50/50 when she gets the larger apartment, all of the common areas, and the garage?
That needs to be amended as that’s bull. Rent should be split proportionally to the space controlled exclusively by each tenant (which currently includes your door!).
Remove the doorbell. You don’t want it and repeatedly communicated that before she unilaterally overruled you based on some spurious nonsense.
You’ve made frequent requests and they’ve been ignored. If she reinstalls it, put up wind chimes, pinwheels, and the like right in its path. Make sure that thing gets triggered every time there’s even the faintest breeze.
If she’s that concerned that a break-in could occur through the mud room, why doesn’t she secure it with a deadbolt (or another barricade that can only be undone on her side) or install a security camera WITHIN her apartment that faces the mud door?” ElonDiddlesKids
2. AITJ For Picking Up My Partner's Daughter On A Motorcycle?
“So I’ve been with my partner for just under a year. We don’t live together yet but we plan on moving in together around April (I’m finishing renovations in my house). She has a daughter (14) from a previous marriage. I don’t really interact with her daughter that much, we’ll say hi to each other, etc but we’ve never actually spent any one on one time.
On Tuesday my partner called me and asked if I could pick up her daughter from school and take her to lunch because she had to stay late at work. I was free so I agreed.
I decided to take my bike because the weather was pretty decent (it was cold but it wasn’t raining).
So after I picked her daughter up we went for some kebabs and afterward her daughter asked me if she could ride around with me for a bit before I take her home. I didn’t know she was into motorcycles so I thought that this might be my opportunity to ‘bond’ with her.
So we drove around on some countryside roads for about an hour and then I dropped her off.
That same evening my partner called me and she was furious that I picked her daughter up from school on my bike.
I told her that she never said I couldn’t use my bike. We had a small argument and she called me selfish and irresponsible. But I still think I didn’t do anything wrong. AITJ here?”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here
I think mom having the knee-jerk reaction is reasonable. That is HER baby. Daughter is safe but mom expected more instinct from you at what would be okay.
You saw a cool opportunity to bond. I get that, super reasonable.
Now you have learned new relationship boundaries involving the kid.
You should apologize, cause it’s easy and free. Picking her up with your bike was an action that you took in good faith.
She should accept your apology and acknowledge that you’re new around kids.
You will have a stronger relationship with better communication.
‘I told her that she never said I couldn’t use my bike.’
Try not to do that again either. If you killed her dog by feeding it chocolate and responded ‘you never said don’t give it chocolate’.
It’s condescending.” phatassgato
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Motorcycles don’t provide anywhere near the same occupant protection as a car, and your partner was trusting you with HER CHILD. You can’t just spontaneously go on the impulse of ‘hey I feel it’s a nice day for a ride’ when it comes to the safety of a child.
Please remember that your partner literally had to have a safe baby car seat just to take her daughter home from the hospital… and in her mind, that was yesterday in parent years. You also don’t mention if you or the kid were wearing helmets… PLEASE tell me that kid had a proper helmet on.
She’s really rattled, and now has serious questions about your judgment about keeping her child safe. You need to do serious damage control, dude.” Myay-4111
Another User Comments:
“YTJ (mildly). Your heart was in the right place and she could have specified for clarity.
But I think it’s common sense to not pick up a kid on a motorcycle. They are dangerous at the best of times. She probably didn’t say anything because she thought she didn’t have to.
I watched my friend die on the road from a motorcycle accident that wasn’t his fault.
He was literally going the speed limit, wearing a helmet and a jacket. I’ll grant you that I’m triggered. Haven’t been a passenger on a bike since.
Drive safely!” Spare-Article-396
1. AITJ For Moving My Daughter To Make Room For My Sister?
“I (34f) have 3 kids (6m, 4m, 2f). We live in a 3 bed 2.5 bath condo and we have my sons in one room and my daughter in another.
We also have a loft area with 2.5 walls. One side has a wall maybe 3.5 or 4 feet tall and another side is open.
I have a half-sister (12) that needed a place to stay. She was in an emergency foster home and either my husband and I had to take her in or she had to go to a foster home.
We’ve never met her. I didn’t even know she existed but I didn’t want her to end up in foster care so we took her in.
My husband wanted her to share a room with our daughter but I thought living with strangers is hard enough for her and she’ll need her own space.
We ended up moving our daughter into our sons’ room but that didn’t work out well. Our daughter can’t sleep without a sound machine and night light and the boys can’t sleep with them. They also have different bedtimes and putting the boys to bed always woke her up.
My husband wanted to put her back in her old room but I didn’t think that would be a good situation for either of the girls. I ended up moving her bed into the loft and her clothes/changing table are in my room.
The half wall is too high for her to climb, her toys were already there, and we can put a divider or curtain there if this becomes a long-term thing. My husband came home and saw this and was furious that I moved our daughter into the loft instead of letting her share a room with my half-sister.
That was around 3 weeks ago. My daughter is fine in the loft. I painted it for her, got some princess wall decals, and organized the toys to leave more room for her bed and everything else I brought from her room.
To say my sister isn’t adjusting well is an understatement. She’s tried to run away twice and she had a breakdown and destroyed everything in her room last week. My husband has mentioned calling the social worker and sending her to a foster home since she got here.
The past few days have been better. I haven’t had to pick her up early from school at all this week, she’s leaving her room for meals, and she’s starting to talk to me.
My husband still thinks this isn’t working out.
He’s refusing to let our daughter stay in the loft and says that my sister shouldn’t be around the kids. I told him if he sends her to a foster home after she’s just starting to feel comfortable here, the kids and I are leaving.
We’ve been arguing again because he wants to send her to a home and he actually said part of the reason is that he wants to get our daughter back into her room. He got his family calling me a bad mom for prioritizing ‘some random girl’ over my kids.
AITJ for putting my daughter in the loft to make room for my sister and not sending her to a foster home?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. This environment isn’t the best for anyone. Your husband made it clear he’s unhappy with the situation and you completely refuse to hear him out and find a better compromise.
Your sister isn’t stupid and she’s most likely aware of your husband’s dislike for her and the tension between him and you. Her situation is already difficult and this is just making it worse, which could be why she’s trying to run away.
That loft isn’t a suitable place for a toddler, it’s unsafe. As she grows she’ll need her own closed private space. Girls obviously can’t share the room, but maybe your sister would be doing better with experienced foster parents that can focus all their attention on her and her needs.
Is she in therapy? Are you actually working with professionals on helping her adjust? It doesn’t sound like you are prepared to care for your sister.
You also suck for threatening your husband with leaving him and taking the kids.
That’s not how you solve marital issues. Marriage is not your way or the highway. Your husband might actually end up with more custody than you think, especially if he describes your willingness to move a toddler in an unsafe loft and the threats you made.
Your sister’s behavioral issues could be also taken into consideration during your custody hearing.” Labelloenchanted
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here.
I am saying no jerks here because your husband isn’t obligated to have your sister in the home and is uncomfortable.
He is upset that his child is being displaced and it doesn’t seem like there was much of a discussion or an agreement from him to take on your sister and well as your three children and certainly he did not agree to change around the bedrooms like that.
It’s not that you are the jerk either. You both just fail to communicate or come to an agreement. And you ended an argument with a threat to take your mutual children out of their home if he doesn’t agree with you (which leans towards you becoming a jerk).
You need a professional. You also need to come up with some ground rules, household rules, and a living situation that benefits everyone. A two-year-old should not be in a loft area. If need be, temporarily put her in the master with the two of you.
And then look at putting the 12-year-old into the loft with a divider or a pocket door.” sheramom4
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Not because you put your daughter in a loft, or because you wanted to help your half-sibling but because you prioritized, essentially a stranger over your husband’s clear reticence over bringing this child into the home.
That kind of decision has to be mutual w/o threats and ultimatums. When you don’t start on the same page with something as major as this, things can’t help but go downhill fast. Now you’re threatening to leave with your kids.
How do you envision that going? Either he reluctantly gives in again, but harbors resentment, or you part ways and then you only have your bio kids part-time. Is either of those situations ok?
You should have been more understanding of your husband’s very valid concerns.
You guys should have been honest with the social worker about those concerns. Maybe she could have gone to a foster home while incorporating visits, family therapy, etc to build some kind of relationship with you all with the goal of her moving with you once everyone was on the same page.
I think your intentions are admirable, but how you handled things with your hubby is awful.” Background_System726
You all need counseling but I would definitely take a step back and reevaluate the husband.
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