People Beg For Our Input On Their "Am I The Jerk?" Stories
19. AITJ For Warning My Biological Dad's Partner About Him?
“So, for a little bit of background, my biological dad has had this continuous ‘habit’ where he gets with a girl for 2-3 years, gets her pregnant, breaks up with her, promises to come visit his child, then never does and completely ghosts her. He began doing this when my eldest half-sister was born and has been doing it ever since. In total, from what I know, I have 6 other half-siblings.
Anyway, moving on. The reason I said I didn’t know if that was the total amount was because my bio dad and I just recently started talking, and I haven’t been able to meet most of his SOs up until a week ago. My dad called me and told me he wanted me to meet his new SO, since they had been seeing each other for a year.
So, I said sure and we planned everything out, time, date, etc.. On my way there, the thought struck me, I need to tell/warn her about my bio dad’s habit. So fast forward, I eventually get there, and about 4 of my other siblings were there which was surprising. Since he usually didn’t invite his kids to his house at all. Anyway, while my siblings were talking to my bio dad I pulled his SO to the side, and basically explained his habit, and that I thought it would be in her best interest to not have a child with him.
She was kind of shocked and embarrassed that she didn’t see it sooner. I ensured her it was normal, and that he was basically a pro now. A couple of hours pass and I decide to leave because my siblings already had, I say my goodbyes and go home.
The next morning, I woke up to 23 missed calls from my dad and 8 voicemails. Basically, all of the voicemails said I was a jerk and that I ruined his relationship.
I ended up finding out that they had gotten into a big fight over it and his SO broke up with him. Honestly, I was happy that she did. She seemed like a nice person so I’m glad I could at least save one person and their child from having a childhood and life like me and my siblings.
But, some of my siblings agree with my dad and say I shouldn’t have overstepped boundaries and that he was probably going to tell her anyway.
So, AITJ?
Another User Comments:
“You did kind of overstep boundaries in a way, since it isn’t your relationship or up to you to be having that discussion with your father’s SO, especially if you don’t have any sort of relationship or obligation to her in the first place. HOWEVER, you are still NTJ.
You saved her from the cycle that she was undoubtedly going to become a part of if you hadn’t said anything.
So while your siblings are right by saying you overstepped boundaries, it still wasn’t a jerk move.
All you did was expose your dad, you aren’t in the wrong for telling her what he did and will probably do again.” rolluspollus
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. If your dad is there with five kids from five baby mamas, then his then-SO would’ve had a clue.
You really don’t know what the circumstances are behind your dad‘s serial fatherhood.
You should’ve stayed out of it.
Look at the situation now. Once again, you don’t have a relationship with your dad and now your siblings hate you too.” ericzd
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your dad actually did it to himself, you just pointed out the obvious, and his SO took a good look at his ‘family’ and, like you said, was embarrassed she didn’t notice. Most people are embarrassed about finding out they’ve been conned, and your father is a conman. He’s angry because you exposed him.” ScammerC
18. AITJ For Pranking My Partner By Moving Her Bobblehead?
“I’ve been living with my SO, Sophie, for 6 months. She was living there before me so I guess she technically ‘owns’ the house, but I pay for more than half of the expenses, so it’s really a shared home.
In our den, where our TV is she has a bunch of sports things, which I mostly don’t really care about. However, a few of them are problematic.
One of them is a kind of creepy looking bird that I’ve asked her to get rid of and two of them are bobbleheads of baseball players I’m not particularly a fan of (and actually looking more into it at least one of them is not a good person), so I’ve asked her to get rid of them or move them multiple times but she’s said no, and I’ve respected that.
Sophie’s been visiting her family for the past week or so, and last weekend I had a close friend of mine visiting and we were watching TV when he noticed the bird bobblehead and said ‘I didn’t know you were a Cardinals fan.’ I told him it was my SO’s and he laughed and said ‘you shouldn’t have that crap in your house.’ I agreed with him and said I only put up with it because she insisted.
He said since she was gone I should replace it and a couple of days later brought over a Cubs bobblehead (they are rivals and we live near Chicago). We didn’t even throw the old one out just put it somewhere I wouldn’t have to see it. My friend got a good laugh out of it and said I should let him know how she reacted.
Well, she got back yesterday but didn’t go in there until this morning and called me over and asked me what this ‘garbage’ is doing ‘in her house’.
I was upset she called it her house when it’s both of ours, I live here too, and told her that I replaced the old figure I hadn’t liked with a new one. She asked where the old one was and I told her I had gotten rid of it because it had a replacement. She got very upset saying that the bobblehead was ‘limited edition’ and that it was a present her mother had gotten her for the last birthday she had been alive.
I told her she needed to calm down and that it was just a bobblehead and it wasn’t that deep.
She started telling me to get out of ‘her’ house, again, it’s not hers, but I admitted I was lying and told her where she could find the old bobblehead if it really meant that much to her. She still insisted I left so I did for a few hours.
When I got back she was still mad and said I owed her an apology.
I don’t think I do, it was a harmless prank. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Of course YTJ, you backward hamster! This was a mean thing to do. How hard is it to not touch other people’s things, even if you don’t like them!?
You owe this girl a big fat apology. And yes, she probably said ‘my house’ because she lived there first, I’m assuming most furniture is hers, and she’s the one on the lease/mortgage.
What an absolutely silly thing to be bent about, especially because it was said in the context of you messing with her possessions.
ESPECIALLY after you downplayed the sentimental value of something given to her by her DEAD MOTHER.
I sure hope you kept your moving boxes.” kittydeathdrop
Another User Comments:
“YTJ.
First, if her name is on the title, then the house is hers, not ‘ours.’ The fact that you live there and pay half of the expenses is irrelevant.
Second, your prank might have been funny if you had (i) given her the bobblehead back right away, or (ii) moved it into the bathroom or other place of (temporary) dishonor.
(Mocking someone else’s rooting interests can be funny as long as it remains light-hearted.) Telling her that you got rid of it was not funny. Doubling down and telling her ‘it was just a bobblehead and it wasn’t that deep’ is just rubbing salt into the wound. Why would you do this to someone you love.
Third, a prank is only ‘harmless’ if everyone is laughing at the end.
The prank stops being ‘harmless’ when you realize that you’ve really upset someone. The phrase ‘calm down’ should never be uttered during a prank. If you ever feel yourself starting to say the words ‘calm down,’ you’ve gone too far.
You are majorly the jerk. Apologize to your SO. Take her out to a Cardinals game, spring for premium seats, spring for a fancy dinner before or after the game, and tell her you’re sorry again.” He_Who_Is_Right
Another User Comments:
“YTJ.
‘I only put up with it because she insisted’? WHAT? Obviously, this isn’t some joke, you were hoping she’d either give up or not raise a fuss after you repeatedly kicked crap about a bobblehead. If it’s ‘not a big deal’ then why did you move it in the first place? If you didn’t like it that much why didn’t you ever ask why it was so important to her/why she keeps it up?
If you don’t like it, stop staring at it or move out.
You made her think that the last gift her DEAD mom had given her was gone and tried to gaslight her into thinking she was overreacting when she should’ve kicked you to the curb ages ago.
This isn’t your house, if you have a problem paying her more then you should bring that up, but you weren’t there buying it with her.
You couldn’t even apologize for making your partner think you got rid of the last thing her dead mother gave her. I don’t know if you need therapy or what, but there is seriously something deeply wrong with the utter lack of remorse you have and how in denial you are.” Allocrice
17. AITJ For Refusing To Move Back Home?
“I (25F) am a British archaeology student, I spent the first 3 years of my schooling in Britain, but for my last year, I moved to Rome. Me going to foreign countries wasn’t uncommon, since digs are a pretty big part of it all.
Anyway, for some home life context – My mother is a single one, and I have a younger sister (12). She isn’t that well off and has always kind of relied on me for extra money etc., even before I got a job by taking any money my family gave me.
I promised her I would be back as soon as my school year was over.
Since then, I’ve had a change of heart, I genuinely love this city (for what it is, a tourist trap in a lot of places), and my best friend from home has been speaking of moving here soon, as it’s been a lifelong dream. I have no desire to go back to Britain and spend my days in the rain, misery, and money-lending that used to be my life.
My mother has been calling me selfish for this, saying that ‘I’m all she has’ and that she’ll never see me at this rate.
That I promised and I should stick by that. I asked my maternal grandmother and she agrees that it isn’t fair to my mother, but she isn’t pushing me too heavily to come back either. I’ve also had the card that my sister was missing me too, and it was bad of me to give her false hope of me coming back.
I don’t really know what to think here, guilt is big of course, but I’m trying to keep my best interest at heart.
Which leads, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. OP you need to live your own life and where you want to live is in Italy.
Your mom already chose how she wants to live her life. Unfortunately, she didn’t always make the best choices. Like taking funds off you as a minor. No parent should ever expect their children to pay for THEIR life.
If you give in and let your mom guilt you into coming back, she will just use you as a cash machine again.
You will wake up in 20 years, in a low-paying job you hate and no life outside of taking care of your mom.
Don’t let your mom guilt you into coming back because of your sister either. Staying in Italy and having the career you deserve is actually the best way to help your sister. If your sister ever needs help in the future, you may be in a position to help her.
Going back to the UK, you may not be in a position to help.” KarenMaca
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
You only get one life. Live the life you actually want. If you don’t want to spend your life in a country you have no desire to live in, with a person who seems overly reliant on you for support, then just… Don’t. Yes, your mom will be upset. She will be angry, she will be resentful, and she will be hurt.
But she will live. Be compassionate, be empathetic, listen to what she tells you and communicate that you understand her feelings, but stand firm in this. This is what you want, and this is what you’re going to do. If your mom really cares about having a relationship with you, she’ll support you, love you, and stay connected with you despite the distance. And frankly, you’re really not that far apart.
You’re a 25-year-old grown adult woman.
If you’re able to offer any financial support to your mom at any point, that would be a nice gesture, but you’re not responsible for making her life maximally convenient. So while it would be preferable and more convenient for her if you were to move back home to help take care of your sister and support the household, that’s not your job. Your job is to build a life for yourself.” car55tar5
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
My mom seriously made me feel like crap from moving from a southern US state to a West Coast one. She has like a billion dogs and hates flying, so she acted like she’d never see me again. Guilted me every step of the way. Then when I got pregnant a few weeks after moving, she lost it. I had to cut contact with her for most of my pregnancy because of how crappy she made me feel.
She and I both had therapy, and while she’s doing better with her issues, my therapist smartened me the heck up.
She told me that this was my life to lead, that I couldn’t spend however long I have bending to the wishes of my mom, or anyone else that wanted to drag me down. Gave me the strength to set my mom straight.
I how you find the strength to continue your life how you see fit because it is your life and the people that love you should want what makes you happy!” Dead_Quinn
16. AITJ For Going Over My Manager's Head?
“I’ve been at my current company for 11 years in the same department. I am the most experienced manager. We are a tech company but also deal with federal regulations. That’s the best I can explain it without giving out too much detail.
I not only manage a team but do reporting (BI) for my department. It started as a favor when the previous analyst quit. I decided I wanted to transition into that role full-time.
I was told that this is possible but had to keep my leadership role but that would be my career path. I agreed. That was about two years ago and since then I’ve been doing these two roles.
Not only in this time have I been doing two roles, but the quality of leadership and the quality of what we do as a department has gone downhill significantly.
I chalked it up to us being fully remote now and coached other managers and employees on issues I kept seeing. That in itself turned into another full-time job. I kept seeing errors being made going against federal regulations that I am consistently letting my manager know.
It has gotten so bad I don’t have time for my leadership job or my analyst work so I’ve been working nights and weekends.
It’s started to make me feel crazy that everyone else is treating it like it’s not a big deal.
But I’ve seen people get fired for much less. Everyone stopped responding to anything I sent in terms of errors I was catching.
I finally had enough when I demanded we have a department-wide meeting on the issues and spent weeks putting together spreadsheets and reports on everything and was looking forward to discussing this and finally seeing some change.
We had a meeting with just the managers before the big meeting and I was basically told to not talk in the meeting or bring up any specific issues.
(HUH?). I was livid since this meeting was my idea.
The people who told me not to talk took over and acted like they put everything together.
I went to my VP who was in the meeting and basically outed all of the managers on my team and said I was asked to be silent.
He was horrified to find out everything and had no idea these things were going on.
I pretty much verbally threw up on him and started going off about all the issues I’ve seen. I brought up everything and how I felt trying to hold our department accountable but being ignored and not taken seriously while taking on two separate roles.
He said he is going to talk to my manager and get me switched over to just BI work once he got the green light from HR.
Now I know these issues needed to be brought up but I’m feeling guilty that I went over my manager’s head and I don’t want anyone to think I’m trying to get them in trouble.
I also want to mention that I am the only woman in my department. It’s also a running joke that I only bring up these issues once a month. I’ve never complained about it and just act like I think it’s funny to not cause drama. Am I the jerk for going over my manager’s head and calling out everyone in my department?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – You were spinning your wheels and getting nowhere.
The poor performance is on them. VP probably realized several things; your work is valuable and being ignored, could also be he realizes legal implications due to gender, and/or that they could lose you as – with the current job market along with the load you’ve been carrying – you could leave, get more money for less work.
I’d consider circling back to VP if you’ve not heard anything about the role change shortly.
Not to apologize for speaking up, yet maybe for not speaking up sooner or more concisely when you vented. Offer up proof of your work for that meeting and while the role change will be nice – push the conversation that you are interested in finding out about the increased compensation it will bring, especially as you’ve been doing two roles for over two years on the same salary on top of dealing with the misogyny.
Find your strength–don’t apologize for calling out idiots.” Babsgarcia
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
Heck no! No way you’re the jerk for this.
Crappy comments of you bringing up once a month are straight-up gendered gaslighting and anyone and everyone should have brought up those errors at the first opportunity they get. Those federal regulations exist for a reason: to protect everyone. Some are stupid, yes, but not adhering to them can lead to extremely painful and expensive results, regardless. If your company has any sense, they’ll provide you with protection against retaliation and give you a nice fat bonus to boot.” Pondering-Out-Loud
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
And I didn’t even need to know about the misogynistic insults being thrown your way (re: ‘once a month,’ although you should probably go to H.R. for that, as well as for being told not to talk in meetings).
The fact of the matter is that you went through all proper channels to get your issue resolved. The issue was not resolved; therefore, going over your manager’s head was entirely appropriate. That is exactly how things should be done. Although I think you should have gone this route much sooner. The only fault I have with you is that it looks like you let this go on too long.” RighteousVengeance
15. AITJ For Not Wanting To Be Close To My Family?
“My older sister was diagnosed with depression in her teens and from there, she got special treatment. It’s completely understandable that she needed more help from my parents and more support in school, but it also meant that I sort of vanished.
I’d spend every day alone in my room while my parents took my sister out shopping, mini-golfing, etc. They’d peel my sister’s oranges for her but would tell me to figure something out for my supper.
I would have to buy my own school supplies with my $5/week allowance while my sister spent $100 of their money on books on an evening trip to Barnes and Nobles. Though they’d always remind me that they always loved me and were there to help me, whenever I’d tentatively reach out, they were preoccupied with my sister (which makes sense because her depression was very severe and she wasn’t yet stable on her meds).
It felt like our roles were reversed because I would be comforting my mother as she cried on my shoulder.
Because of all this, I grew up fast; at 12, I was basically self-sufficient and needed nothing but their money. Though it hurt somewhat at first, I have grown to like it this way.
Now I’m 16 and I’ve remained independent and very closed-off, but my sister’s thankfully doing much better and my parents are now trying to do more with me.
I appreciate this and them reaching out, but it makes me feel really uncomfortable. I haven’t been physically or emotionally close to them in years and I’m not able to hug them and tell them my darkest secrets like they expect me to. Their attention doesn’t feel genuine anymore. They’ve noticed this and have started to ask questions; are you having another bad day? Have you spent too much time in your head today? We’re your family, why are you pushing us away?
I don’t want to hold a grudge against my sister because it’s not like her depression was her choice or against my parents because they were just trying to support my sister through a hard time.
But I still can’t and don’t want to be close to them. Part of me feels like no one’s to blame because the situation was bad for everyone; another part feels like I’m just the jerk who can’t get over myself.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You were a child in a rough situation and you adapted to the reality of your situation. Might be an unpopular opinion but I do think your parents are to blame.
They can say they love you but we respond and adapt to the actions of those around us and you had to grow up fast because of what sounds like borderline neglect.
Yes, your sister did need more support but that support didn’t need to come at the expense of you and your parents’ relationship which it seems to have done. Why didn’t they include you in any of these activities? Not saying all but even just some like take your sister alone to the book shop and other shopping and take you both to mini-golf.
Seriously they couldn’t even support you by buying you some school supplies when taking your sister shopping.
To me, this shows though they did not intend to they did basically forget about you in their focus on your sister and are only coming to that realization now that they can take a step back when your sister is doing better.
If you choose to try and have a closer relationship with your parents you and your parents probably need to go to some type of group counseling.
However your sister should not be involved, this isn’t about excluding her in any way but about discussing your relationship with your parents. It isn’t about your sister’s depression (which she is hopefully getting professional help with) and group therapy for the 3 of you can’t simply become about it.” Drayle171
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
They had good reason to focus so much on your sister, but it’s very unfortunate that they basically ignored your existence to do so.
I believe your feelings are very justified.
Late childhood and the teenage years are very important times for a person’s development, and you spent yours basically alone. It makes sense that you don’t have many feelings towards any of them anymore, and the only people responsible for that are your parents.
It might hurt, but you’re going to have to explain this to your parents somehow. Perhaps you could ask your parents to send you to a therapist for a couple of sessions, they could probably advise you better about how to explain all this to your parents.” Nova_Lurker
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
Your parents have dropped the ball on preserving their connection to you, and they want to restore that connection now, but in the meantime, you were forced to become self-reliant, and now you like it that way. They didn’t focus on your sister to hurt you and you didn’t become independent to hurt them. Their actions had consequences on your relationship and there is no reset button.
You were/are a child and it hurts children when parents withdraw from them, no matter how good or unavoidable the reason.
Family therapy might help. But really what’s needed here is time and space. Your parents need to be told they can’t turn the clock back and they need to give you space for you to get more comfortable with their attention. Maybe you never will. And that’s ok.
I hope they aren’t subtly pressuring you to absolve them for their withdrawal from you. That’s not fair and not right. It’s not your responsibility to comfort them because they now see the impact of their actions on you.” floopdoopsalot
14. AITJ For Mocking My Sister's Life?
“I (F35) lost my husband 4 weeks ago to Cancer. He struggled for 2 years and recently was too weak for treatment. I started spending more time with family recently to get support and comfort.
My sister (F38) visits now and then with her kids and sometimes her SO. I noticed she’s been making comments trying to target my late husband and then saying it’s her way of comforting me.
Comments about how his salary wasn’t enough, how he was irresponsible with money, and how he neglected me on some occasions. This bothered me and I saw it as insulting as she constantly disrespected his memory. I tried to let it slide but yesterday couldn’t do it anymore.
I was sitting with mom talking about my husband’s belongings and what I had stored and what I hadn’t touched yet.
I talked about how hard it was for me to clean the bedroom for the first time in 4 weeks. And my sister leaned closer and told me that I really shouldn’t be ‘too upset’ about my situation and even said I should consider myself somewhat lucky for being widowed and not divorced….she proceeded to say ‘Divorce is nasty, imagine being divorced at 35 trying to meet people again!’ I was completely baffled but I told her I’d rather be divorced than continue to play house & family with my SO for 12 years (I’m referring to her relationship with her SO that is 12 years old with 3 children but no marriage or commitment of any sort).
This hit a nerve for her because she always wanted marriage but her SO didn’t and wanted things to be like this forever. She looked at me with a grudging look and said that this was an awful thing to say to her then got up and told the kids to get ready to leave. Mom got involved and tried to calm the situation down but my sister started tearing up and then told me before she left, ‘I hope you feel better now that you mocked my life and invalidated me and my relationship with my SO and my kids’ dad.’ Mom went after her and I stayed put.
Mom then came back and berated me which made me want to leave because I got tired of explaining that my sister pushed me by constantly disrespecting my husband and his memory. She said that she was speaking the truth and that my husband can’t hear her and won’t care anymore and so I shouldn’t get offended on his behalf and act like it was a big deal.
She wanted me to reach out to my sister and apologize to her today if possible but I refused.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
OP, you’re grieving, and you’re suffering. Someone who says the things she did to you is not a kind, compassionate person. You love your husband even if he’s not with you. Having someone insult the dead isn’t cool to do to the bereaved, even if the deceased wasn’t good like your husband.
My dad wasn’t perfect, in fact, there were times when he disappointed some of us for varying reasons.
He was a human being, and human beings make mistakes. My brothers and I make jokes about him now, between ourselves and their mom. He would have approved of that, it was our shared humor. But we would NEVER do the same jokes to my grandparents, his parents. They didn’t have that relationship with him, they wouldn’t get it, and it would just make them feel uncomfortable.
So we don’t. Ever.
And that’s just joking around about our dad and his quirks that he’s clearly passed on to us. Like me and my youngest brother, he asks me occasionally, ‘do you do this weird thing too?’ I agree, and we go ‘THANKS DAD’ because we joke it’s his genetics that made us this way.
Your husband is someone who you love very much, you don’t need someone harping on about their own perception of his ‘faults’ (it sounds like she is the one with the problem) after he’s gone.
That’s cruel, it isn’t normal and I believe everyone knows that crap. It’s common decency. You were right, they were wrong. If she didn’t feel insecure about herself already she would have just ignored you straight up or laughed at it. She didn’t. She walked out. So she’s been dishing out bull crap towards you but can’t take it? Tough stuff sis.” thebearofwisdom
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – play stupid games, win stupid prizes.
Your sister is jealous of you. She is jealous that your husband loved you enough to marry you and she runs him down to make herself feel better.
If anything, tell your sister ‘I am sorry that you are so unhappy in your relationship that you need to insult my husband to feel better, but I will not tolerate your insults of my husband. If you insist on insulting my husband and our relationship, I will take that as your consent and invitation to point out your SO does not love you enough to marry you and any other observations I see fit to bring up.'” Artneedsmorefloof
Another User Comments:
“The thing that strikes me here is that – barring his illness – you were clearly happy in your relationship with your husband.
Not once do you mention feeling sad that he didn’t earn more, that’s all from your sister.
So when she claims she’s trying to be ‘comforting’ by making snarky comments, she knows she isn’t. She’s just trying to make you feel less about the relationship you were content with because she isn’t content about being the eternal partner.
She’s the jerk, clear and simple – and the truth hurts when her own insecurity was pointed out.
NTJ.” ieya404
13. AITJ For Not Letting My Daughter's Dad Babysit?
“‘A’ (34m) and I (32f) have a child, ‘B’ (7f). A and I went out for 2 years, then ended our relationship because we were miserable and crazy toxic. A week after we broke up, I found out I was pregnant.
A is an interesting fellow. Due to having a bad childhood and PTSD from the military, he has pretty significant mental health issues that inhibit his ability to work, so he’s on disability.
When he found out I was pregnant, he decided he wanted to travel around the country as a vagabond before she was born to ‘get it out of his system’. He ended up living in a homeless encampment in another state for two and a half years, then returned to our city when our daughter was 2. When he got back he moved into the house he lived in before and he hates it.
It’s a huge source of anxiety for him and he preferred living outside. It was hard-fought, but over the last couple of years, our relationship has improved dramatically and we’re good friends.
He watches her one evening a week and one weekend day while I’m at work. I’m not bitter, it works for us, it’s about as much as he can handle. Before you ask, he is a safe person for my daughter to be with and I monitor him pretty closely for changes in his behavior.
I agree that he needs to move out of the house he’s in.
There’s nothing wrong with it, but it’s become a representation of everything he doesn’t like about his life and he feels trapped in it. According to him, he can’t live in an apartment because of his PTSD, and the house he’s in, he rents from someone he knows and they don’t charge him too much in rent, so he wouldn’t be able to afford a different house.
He doesn’t have friends he can live with and living with family was a much worse situation.
So he wants to live in a van, like one of those fancy ones. Which I support, I think it’d be a good fit for him, he’s kind of a hippie.
The problem is that he would have to watch our daughter (which, outside of big events, is the only time they spend together) at my house.
We live in a place with all 4 seasons so him just taking her to a park or something isn’t a good permanent option. Although we get along, I don’t want him in my house that much and I get anxious about how clean my house is when people come over so I feel like it’ll be a constant source of stress for me. We get along now but we don’t always so it would be awkward when we aren’t.
I also think he’d snoop around, which makes me uncomfortable.
He thinks that the only way he can live in a van is to be able to watch her at my house and honestly I can’t think of another option either but I really don’t want to do that. Last night he sent me a text that said, ‘please let me move into a van, I can’t take living in this house anymore.’
I don’t know what to do.
So, WIBTJ if I didn’t let him babysit at my house even though that would mean he couldn’t do what he thinks will make him happiest?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
Although I understand why you’re concerned for him, his mental and emotional health are not your or your daughter’s job to regulate.
I think (because of his phrasing) you’re looking at it the wrong way – ‘please let me move into a van, I can’t take living in this house anymore.’
He is an adult.
He can move into a van or not into a van – the permission is not yours to give, and it’s his choice.
YOUR choice is your boundary of ‘you are not welcome to watch our daughter in my house’. The reasoning is unimportant – what matters is that this is your boundary.
So he is left with some choices to make – he could take your daughter for outings when he wants to visit with her, he could find a mutual friend who would like to help, rent a room at the Holiday Inn – these are all ideas I had within a minute of reading the post, so I’m sure given some time, he could come up with some alternatives.
The point is, none of this is your job.
He is an adult, he needs to facilitate his own choices, and do the work. If he cannot, perhaps it’s not the right time for him to be parenting.
I understand you want your daughter to see her dad, but to do that, he needs to stop putting the responsibility on you, and figure his stuff out.” MamaPutz
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, it’s your house and you have the right to decide who can or can’t be in it.
By the sounds of things, he looks after her one evening during the week and one day on the weekend right? It sounds like he never has her overnight so maybe he could think of things to do to spend time with her that don’t involve your house. Like going to parks, etc during the warm months and doing indoor activities during the cold months. Also, is he thinking like a camper van? Or a regular van with a mattress thrown in the back? Because if it’s like a camper van I don’t see why he couldn’t hang out with her there as well.” Nerdlife91
Another User Comments:
“You WNBTJ.
You don’t owe him the ability to make HIM spending time with HIS daughter more convenient for him. The fact that we’re calling a father watching his own kid ‘babysitting’ is problem enough.
You are entitled to your private space. And there are other options. Turns out kids are allowed pretty much anywhere these days and if not there’s always the option of him spending time with his family while he has his child. I’m sure they would enjoy getting to spend time with her as well.
But overall you’re not in a relationship any longer so it’s not YOUR duty or responsibility to make his life easier.” PsychologicalStrike0
12. AITJ For Letting My Other Son Mow The Lawn?
“I have 2 kids, both boys, 16 and 14. When the older one was 11, we made a ‘contract’ he mows each weekend that needs it between memorial day weekend and Halloween, and in exchange, I pay for a few streaming services for him for the entire year. It seemed fair, I was happy, and he was happy. Over time the streaming services and prices have changed, and he makes around $30 per time he mows the lawn which takes just under an hour.
It is memorial day weekend, so I ask him which day he plans on mowing this weekend so I can work in the garden accordingly. He told me that he wanted to talk to me about our deal. He is doing 2 other things for income this summer (detasseling and an ice cream shop). I assumed he was either going to change days or cancel it entirely.
‘Ma, I love you, but we are in a free market and my time is now worth more.
What if we agree on top of (the streaming services), I make $30 in cash each week.’ This means I’d be paying $60 per time he mows the lawn. I told him since it was a free market I would talk to my other son and see if he has a counteroffer, as $60 is too steep for my husband and me to want to pay.
I also knew my younger son wanted to do it.
My other son got involved, he only detassels so he agreed to do it for $30 in cash each week. Half the cost of older son. We agree and I set him to the terms, I told my older son I will no longer be needing his services. My older son is now upset.
Important note: both boys will have a very sizeable amount of money for college or whatever endeavors they want (either at 18 or 21 depending), meaning they can pay for half of the tuition at the most expensive school in our state.
They also each get an allowance for the normal chores they do, some are ‘special’ chores where we negotiate an amount for them to do them.
The original contract came out because I knew my older son wanted to subscribe to something for his video game and I thought it was a fair way for him to earn the money.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, it’s a pretty good life lesson that he learned today, but I also think it’s important to explain to him the lesson he should learn from this, it’s our job as parents to give them a chance to make decisions and then understand the consequences of those decisions for the short term and long term.
You’re doing a good job, from one parent to another.” GreatOneLiners
Another User Comments:
“Ah, the good ol’ lesson of, ‘Your employer has no loyalty to you, have no loyalty to them.’ Also, the only way to get a decent raise is to find a new job.
Your son was correct in asking for a high price to start. Doesn’t sound like you even negotiated much, just brought in the scab (aka younger brother) and took advantage of the younger kid’s naivety.
Your older son has experience in this particular job even if you don’t value him and inflation has occurred since the original deal was made.
I hope you teach your son he is correct to ask for a large raise especially if he can do his due diligence and compare his pay rate to others in the same job with similar experience. He should look at inflation and the cost of living increases.
Maybe that’s a project you can help him with when he is considering his next job and if the pay rate is worth it. If his employer won’t work with him, he owes them no loyalty and he should seek employment that will value him. YTJ.” sillyfacex3
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Honestly, that’s good parenting. When I was a kid I didn’t have a choice. I had to do chores. I didn’t receive an allowance. My family wasn’t poor or anything, but I understood the family dynamic that I do as I am told. Maybe this will teach your oldest a little humility.” SquirtySquirel
11. AITJ For Telling My Cousin Her Lack Of Social Skills Is Not My Fault?
“So I don’t really think I’m TJ here but I’ve been called that and I need an objective opinion. My (25F) family recently had a function which was one of our first ones in the last couple of years so it was a big one for us. About 40 people attended. My parents and I got stuck in traffic so we were a bit late and so when we walked in, quite a few people had already reached.
We’re Indian so when we see our older relatives for the first time in a while, it is seen as a sign of respect for the younger relatives to go touch their feet for blessings. As I walked in, I went and touched my older relatives’ feet and made some small talk with them. Some of my uncles and aunts (Dad’s first cousins and their partners), asked me a few questions about my life and what I’d been up to, and so on.
Now as I mentioned before, as we were a little late, when I was greeting my family, a lot of the conversation that had been originally going on just stopped and our relatives made some small talk with me and my parents.
Post the basic pleasantries, I went and hung out with my younger cousins as there aren’t really any cousins my age. My younger cousins are mostly teenagers or tweens with a couple of toddlers but I like listening to their stories and babysitting the younger ones so it’s always a fun thing for us to hang out together.
At this point, my cousin A (32F) walks in with her 4-year-old son. Her son wants to hang out with the younger cousins and me in the room that we were in. So when she tries to take him outside for his lunch he starts to throw a tantrum. I offered to watch him while he ate in the room. She reluctantly agreed to that and then went outside to fix her own plate.
Then later in the day, we played games, and overall it was a fun day.
Now here’s the issue, I suspect A is an introvert and in general a bit selfish. I’m not calling her selfish because she’s an introvert but in general if she’s not close to someone, or that person isn’t helping her out in some way she doesn’t even bother to acknowledge them so people sometimes tend to reciprocate that lack of acknowledgment.
That evening when we were leaving a couple of the aunts talked to my mother and me and praised me a bit for hanging out with the kids and taking care of them. I did not do it with any intention of hogging the spotlight and wasn’t even in the living room for the most part. But A must’ve overheard the aunts and apparently she thinks I was showing off and being an attention seeker.
She told me as much by insulting me on the family group chat and I just pointed out that she could’ve gotten the same amount of attention as me if she hadn’t been sitting in a corner, playing on her phone the whole time. Then she started calling me a jerk and now the whole group chat is super awkward. So, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
You hung out with your younger relatives because you wanted to, you didn’t have the intention to get any sort of attention from your older relatives.
And I agree that it isn’t your fault for her lack of social skills.
How can she be mad at you, and accuse you of something, when she just sat in a corner doing nothing.” user2_3
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. I am an introvert and yes it is extremely hard to be social even with family when you are averse to wanting to be in social gatherings. I’m pretty sure it was hard enough to just even show up with her kid.
No need to shame someone just because they don’t care to be a social butterfly. At least acknowledge it was nice to see her with the family in general. Wow.” ProfessionalCar6255
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
Sounds like she wasn’t an introvert when she called you out in a group chat like that maybe she should use that energy and take interest in others.
She’s obviously insecure by calling you the jerk but you’re clearly not. Don’t let her rain on your parade.” stacity
10. AITJ For Not Wanting To Move Out Of My Brother And SIL's House?
“I (36m) recently moved back to my home state three months ago for a job. I stayed with my dad temporarily (3 weeks) before moving in with my brother Lane (34m) and his fiancée Grace (32f), who will be married in July.
Grace and I don’t like each other much. We tolerate one another and are cordial, but if I had to choose who to spend time with, it wouldn’t be her.
I think she looks down on our family for being working class and none of us having degrees where she has her master’s, a career in education, and comes from a family where the only person who did not go to college was her dad. She prides herself in ‘stuff’ and ‘success’ where we tend to be humble and enjoy the relaxed life.
Anyway, I came home yesterday and Grace was the only one home.
Her last day of school was Thursday (today is Saturday), so she is on summer break. She told me she wanted to talk to me and I said okay. She told me she wanted me out of her house and that she would like me to leave ASAP. I asked why and she said I make her uncomfortable and that she didn’t think I’d be here longer than a month or so.
I admit I did agree to be in the home for only a month because I figured I could get an apartment by then, but I couldn’t as rent in this area is too high.
But neither she nor Lane told me they had an issue with me being there.
I told her I have renter’s rights and get 30 days. She told me I don’t because I never established residency in her house, meaning I was still using my dad’s address for all my finances and direct deposit and I never changed my address over. We visit my dad frequently so I just pick up my mail there, and my license is at my dad’s address.
I also have not paid rent because we agreed that I should save money for an apartment, so according to her, my primary residency is at my dad’s house, not theirs. She then said she planned to give me until the end of June anyway but regardless, this is not my house and I am no longer welcome.
I told her that we’ll wait and see what Lane has to say.
She said Lane doesn’t get a say because it’s legally not his house. I said it is and she said that the house is only in her name, both mortgage and deed, and that she does not need his permission to boot me out of the house.
This went on for about an hour until Lane got home. Apparently, Lane was supposed to talk to me about this weeks ago and never did because he ‘doesn’t like arguing’, but he agreed I overstayed my welcome and sided with Grace.
I said ‘Fine’, told him he should not treat his brother like this, packed my things, and went to my dad’s. I told my dad what happened and he disagreed with how Grace and Lane went about it, but that they’re preparing for a life of marriage and I shouldn’t be there.
I feel blindsided, slighted, and like I’m being judged for not being able to afford an apartment just yet.
I get that they’re getting married, but I was raised that family comes first, and that includes before a wedding. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“ESH.
YTJ for overstaying your welcome. Once the month was up, you should have had a discussion with them. Your brother wouldn’t just tell you to leave and you should’ve known that they wanted their own space.
Your sister-in-law is the jerk for waiting until your brother was out so she can corner you.
That discussion should have been had between all three of you.
Your brother is also kind of the jerk for not telling you directly that he doesn’t feel comfortable with you staying that long with them because he needed his own space with his wife.
All of this could have been resolved if everyone communicated what they truly felt.
I genuinely understand why you feel like you were blindsided.
I don’t think you had any ill intent and you just assumed (wrongly) that it’s completely okay to stay as long as you want because that’s how you and your family were raised. You were raised to always be there for each other. But you should have taken into account that you and your sister-in-law did not get along. Therefore, you should’ve known not to overstay your welcome.
If my brother did that to me, I would also feel upset.
If my brother had nowhere else to go or had issues. He would stay in my house as long as he wanted. That’s how my siblings and I were raised. This is how it is in a lot of collective societies.
The issue is, you forget that it’s not just your brother’s house, it’s his wife’s too. Therefore, you were disrespectful to her. It’s their own home.
Not yours. You should’ve taken that into account and you sort of put your brother in an uncomfortable situation. Just talk with your brother next time and have an honest discussion about what went down. Good luck to you!” gw2ismyjam
Another User Comments:
“Yes YTJ. You told them you’d be there a month, you’ve been there almost 3 and for most of that they gave you a pass, probably hoping/trusting you’d surely be leaving soon.
You haven’t paid them any rent, and they asked you to leave. You shouldn’t have argued and talked about renter’s rights, you should have left. It actually kind of blows my mind that you thought your brother might side with you? Of course, they want their space back.
I don’t think there’s anything wrong with how Grace told you either, especially given that your brother had promised to tell you weeks ago and that she agreed to give you to the end of June.
You sound incredibly entitled.” MargaretHaleThornton
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. If you say you’re going to stay for a month, you have to ask if you can stay longer. It’s not on them to tell you you can’t.
Sounds like ‘being humble and enjoying the relaxed life’ to you means ‘letting other people work hard so you can mooch off them’. She’s been very generous with you even though you judge her for who she is, and you have the gall to tell her it’s not enough. Move back in with your dad.
Why would you accept a job and move without finding out whether the salary you were being paid would be enough to rent in the area? Once again, it sounds like the snobbishness you judge Grace and her family for is literally just knowing how to be a responsible adult.” Temporary_Badger
9. AITJ For Trying To Share My Bestie's New Friends?
“My best friend (I’ll call them S) and I are in our early 20s and just starting to figure out adulthood. This includes making new friends. S is in grad school, while I’m working full-time. We’ve been really close friends for 7 years (including being roommates for 5) and consider each other family, doing pretty much everything together.
S has met a lot of new friends through her graduate program.
She hangs out with these friends a lot, especially during class and school events, and she’s also invited them to a lot of parties that we have hosted at our apartment. I’ve been really happy for her, especially since I know she struggles with social anxiety.
I have also met her new grad friends, and I really like them. At our parties, I have talked with them for hours and had really good conversations, and it definitely seems like we have a lot in common.
Last week, there was a free concert that I really wanted to go to, though a lot of my regular friends— including S— were busy that night.
So I decided to invite a few of the grad students because I thought they would be interested and I wanted to get to know them better. They responded to my invite saying they were interested in going.
I tell S about my plans, and she becomes frustrated. She says that she doesn’t understand why I’m trying to get to know her grad friends and hang out with them when she’s not around.
She says that she wants people who are just ‘her’ friends, not ‘our’ friends. She tells me that I shouldn’t plan any more outings with them and try not to get close to them.
I’m shocked. I understand the need to want to have a separate group, especially when she and I have been so close for so long and have usually shared friends. But I also feel like I have started building individual relationships with these people, and I don’t want to give them up.
I don’t know if I’m being controlling, by not letting her have her own group, or if she’s being controlled by not letting me get to know these people. AITJ?
One more thing: My work is remote and that makes it hard for me to meet new people on a regular basis. I’ve been trying to go to events in town to meet more people, but it’s been difficult.
I struggle a lot with social anxiety as well.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. But this makes me so sad. It does sound like your bestie is insecure and, while she shouldn’t try to control the friendships that form around her, it’s good to be understanding of what she’s going through. It might be very uncomfortable for both of you, but a huge part of adult relationships is talking through these things.
Calmly. When someone is defensive and angry it’s hard not to respond the same. But, do your best to keep your cool and talk to your friend with compassion, acknowledging her feelings without judgment. Might also help her feel more secure if you remind her of all the things about her that you and your grad friends appreciate. Helping her feel deserving of their friendship should gradually allow her to be okay with your bond with the grad school friends.
It’s been over 20 years since I finished high school and so many friendships did not survive our transitions to adulthood. And that’s okay. But even the friendships that lasted went through rough spots as we figured ourselves and life out. But those friendships are priceless. They are worth the struggle.” NoCoHiker
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. They may be her friends, but they can also be yours. She doesn’t own them.
She was the one that brought them over to the apartment to begin with, so she shouldn’t be surprised that you talk to some of them. There is no problem with you becoming friends with them too. You have a right to have friends, and if they just happen to be some friends of hers, then so be it, but you did nothing wrong.
She is overreacting, but it’s important to talk to her about this and figure out her true reasoning behind her reaction so that this situation doesn’t escalate and/or ruin your friendship.
She says she wants people who are just her friends, but I have a feeling that’s not the only reason for her frustration. If it is, then y’all should talk about that too. Figure out why she feels threatened, why she feels so possessive, what she feels is wrong with y’all having mutual friends, things like that.
I think that her reaction may be based on low self-esteem though.
I had a friend that reacted much like S did when I became friends with some of her friends, and when I asked her why she was acting that way, she told me that she was afraid of her friends liking me more than they liked her, and she was also afraid they wouldn’t want or be able to spend as much time with her because they’d be hanging out with me instead.
Maybe that’s how S is feeling. If it is, talk to her about it and calm her fears. Reassure her that nothing between the two of you has changed, you’re not trying to ‘steal’ her friends, and you don’t want this to affect your friendship.
Just remember that you are not a jerk, you did nothing wrong, and calm, clear, honest communication is probably gonna be the best way for y’all to get past this.” Reddit user
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
I was in a similar situation when I was your age with one of my best friends. When you hang out with someone all the time it’s nice to have a separate group to get away. So it started getting annoying when she started befriending my separate group of friends because it meant no matter what I never got a break from her and it caused friction in our relationship.
Like I was happy she was branching out and she obviously could be friends with whoever but everyone needs a break and I was starting to resent her. I came home she was there, parties, hanging with friends, etc., she was there and I started to feel suffocated.
I think maybe you two need to sit down and talk because it sounds like she’s feeling the same way.” snortsrainbows
8. AITJ For Refusing To Tutor My Cousin?
“I (28F) am a Ph.D. student in writing who teaches Gen Ed writing classes (mostly freshmen and sophomores) at my university. I also tutor a lot of high school students in my hometown over summer breaks and have helped people go from failing their English classes to getting to a C or B level within the summer. Because of this, I get a lot of my tutoring students from referrals, either from parents or from teachers.
I charge $60 for an hour of tutoring and no one I’ve worked with has ever felt as though that’s too much—in fact, several parents have insisted I take more money because of the work I’ve done with their kids.
My younger cousin just finished his junior year of high school and has really struggled with writing. He failed English 1 as a freshman, failed it again in summer school between freshman and sophomore year, squeaked by with a D in his sophomore year, failed English 2 in summer school before junior year, and again passed with a D during his junior year.
He now needs to complete English 3 in summer school and English 4 his senior year or he won’t graduate on time. I’ve offered before to help tutor at a discount ($15-$20 an hour), but his parents insisted he didn’t need my help and especially not ‘such expensive help.’
This time around, they came to me begging for help because the situation is down to the wire.
They want me to work closely with him multiple times a week during the time he’s in summer school and meet with him twice a week all school year. I’d be giving him general writing tutoring while also helping him proofread every writing assignment.
The issue here is that this summer and upcoming academic year, I’m working on my dissertation and teaching two classes a semester. I normally don’t tutor during the school year because my students and my own work need 100% of my attention.
I was planning on only taking on one tutoring student this summer because I have such an intense research and writing agenda. I told them I’d work over the summer twice a week for $15 per hour-long session (a pretty significant cut) and then once a week for an hour and a half during the school year for $25 a session (since my time is so crunched then).
They were furious at this and said they couldn’t believe I’d have the nerve to charge them when my cousin is so in need.
I then knocked it down another $5 per hour, but they said they wouldn’t accept anything but free. I said I wouldn’t work for free.
They’ve now spread this to the whole family and a lot of people have called me petty and selfish for trying to make money off family, and that if my cousin doesn’t graduate with his friends, it’ll be all my fault. I feel awful for him, but I just can’t work for free when I’d already be overextending myself.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“There was an episode of All In The Family where Archie Bunker found an item (briefcase? Wallet? Whatever) belonging to Sammy Davis Jr. The star came by to collect it, and Archie said something like ‘why don’t you sing us a song?’ His son-in-law retorts something along the lines of, ‘c’mon, Archie, how would you like it if someone asked you to pack and load some crates for free?’
I have no idea why your aunt and uncle are begging you to work for them, yet feel entitled to value your time and expertise at $0.
I wonder how your family would react if anyone tried to guilt them into doing their job for free? Not very well, I bet.
NTJ, and good luck in your studies.” SpicyMustFlow
Another User Comments:
“If your cousin needs someone to proofread every single essay, then something is wrong. Either he has learning disabilities that have never been addressed, there has been some bad teaching (that certainly happened a lot in the UK when I was at school in the 1980s, sadly) or he is bone idle.
His parents have left the remedial work way too late. I get the impression from the tone of your post that it’s more a case of won’t pay than can’t.
Once your cousin has graduated high school, what next? Will you be voluntold to proofread his essays at university? In subjects you don’t understand? Work reports? There is a difference between teaching somebody and doing the work for them.
I get the impression that you are being expected to do the latter.
Stand your ground. You are NTJ.” Agressive-Fudge5759
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. For so many reasons.
Even if you do provide free tutoring, it doesn’t guarantee that he will pass. If you tutored him and he fails, they will likely blame you.
Honestly, if I were you I wouldn’t tutor him for a reduced price, either. I think the only way you should consider tutoring for ‘free’ in this situation would be to charge full price, and if he genuinely works hard and passes exams that have essays that you do not proofread, he’ll get the money returned as a graduation gift.
Tutoring only works if the student puts in adequate effort, and the entitlement shown by his parents is not giving me the impression this is the case.
If you provide services for free, they will not respect your time. My guess is that he would not work hard on a rough draft – why care about writing well when you are going to fix it anyway? When it’s free, it makes 0% difference to them if proofreading takes you 30 minutes or 3 hours.” Difficult_Leopard325
7. AITJ For Getting A Summer Job To Pay For A New Car?
“I (18f), was in a car accident just a week ago where another driver hit my car on my way home. Thankfully no one was hurt, but I am also a college student with no job. In order to correct the issue of not having a car, I decided I needed to get a summer job to at least start saving.
My parents have been very supportive and understanding.
Of course, I understand that they can’t just buy me another car because they have three younger kids to support as well. They have offered to do what they can to help me find and pay for a new car, but I can’t let all the weight of that burden fall on them. My SO (22) also understands that this is the right thing to do.
The issue lies with our 5-month-old malamute husky mix, to who my SO is very attached.
We live in a 4 bedroom apartment with 3 other roommates. 2 of our roommates are absolutely wonderful and help us out when they can, but the third can be scary and quite impatient.
In our small town, there are rarely late-night jobs or evening jobs, so my only option is a regular old daytime job. Luckily, I was able to get a job at a local gym.
When I told my SO that I had gotten the job and was going to send over my paperwork the next day to start the employment process, his first question was; ‘What about the dog?’
As hard as I have tried she still isn’t fully potty trained and leaving her unattended for hours on end would be disastrous, but like I had mentioned to him before, I needed the job.
My SO is not in college and works a full-time job already, so neither of us would be able to be home at her most active hours.
He keeps mentioning that the only thing we can do is get rid of our pup. I have countered that instead of jumping to the end, we attempt to find other solutions to our issue, but every time I think about taking the job two pictures run through my mind.
1 where I save money and am able to start the process of getting a new car to help my parents with my younger sibling and school, and 2 where we give up our pup and he resents and holds it against me from that point forward.
I have also suggested that instead of working full time I try to work part-time and in the evenings, even though I believe it’ll affect our relationship.
He believes this means that I would rather save our relationship and have a new car than have us keep our pup, and as messed up as it is part of that, I guess, is true.
So, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Why do his needs come first? He has a job, so you can’t have one? Would any of your family members be able to help? And seriously, he’s had a pup for 3 months? (as I am sure it had to be at least 8 weeks old to be weaned properly) and it will be a huge dog in a year, needing lots of attention and so on, not a well-planned apartment dog in the first place.
His dog, his problem, maybe his family can help out with it. Hope he is training it now and in the future not to chew!” Not_really1010
Another User Comments:
“ESH, the fact is the dog does need to be trained, your other roommates might be able to help but who knows, I’d say a part-time position in the evenings over the summer is your best bet, or train the dog quickly.” 117Natraps
6. AITJ For Echoing Back This Kid's Temper Tantrum On A Plane?
“I had to travel for work and got put in economy because my job is broke. I was trying to work on the plane.
I had had a zoom call that morning where this older guy couldn’t figure out how to mute himself and every time anyone else talked it would echo back half a second later making a kind of disconcerting effect, it was hard to focus on talking when you had your own voice echoed back a little later.
I’d mostly forgotten about it until the kid in the row in front of me started to flip the heck out about something and his dad just had in earplugs and was ignoring him???
My coworker tapped the dad on his shoulder and he twitches away and said nothing?
I idly thought ‘Wonder if not being able to talk through an echo works for kids too?’ But didn’t do anything at first.
But after a while, he was still going off and his dad was doing nothing.
The rest of the plane was quiet and mostly trying to sleep. I opened zoom on both my laptop and phone and used the mic on my phone and speakers on my laptop to recreate the echo. Basically, the mic would pick up noise, it would be delayed by a second sending it over the call to my computer, then whatever the mic picked up would be played off my laptop speakers.
And then each time the kid yelled it echoed back a half-second later, a bit quieter and tinnier. He stopped then started again but kept stopping in confusion.
Then his dad turned back and asked who was recording his son and I acted confused saying ‘I’m setting up for a work conference call, I think I musta picked something up by accident? That’s weird, did I catch him on the call you’re saying?’
He said it sounded like I was playing something back and I was just like ‘yeah sometimes this darn computer acts up and has a bit of an echo in conference calls.’
He was like ‘You were recording for a conference?’ And I was like ‘Nah, I’m just trying to call my coworkers, I think maybe your son got caught on the mic? Anyway, would y’all mind keeping it down? My boss is going to be on this call.’
He turned around without answering and I just kept the call open for a bit and they were chill.
My coworker thought I was a little mean for bull-crapping the dad and I felt like I wasn’t too mean, it was kind of funny?
AITJ for setting up video call echo on purpose to see if it would stop a kid’s tantrum?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ it’s funny peculiar that the dad didn’t react until he thought you were recording it to show people what a jerk he was.
I don’t think you were doing anything illegal and you couldn’t disturb the other passengers more than they already were. This might actually be something to be looked into as an actual product for stopping children’s tantrums.” Smudgikins
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I know someone who gets the attention of children having tantrums, opens his eyes REALLY WIDE then puts his finger to his lips and says, ‘Shhhh.’ He looks intimidating enough to startle the child, then backs away slowly, still saying ‘Shhhh’, still looking intimidating, winks at the parent and walks away. The child always goes dead silent, watching him, and the tantrum is over. Parents have never complained.” RunSmooth4982
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You’re having a Zoom conference call, out loud, in economy class, on a plane?!?!? That sounds even worse than a screaming kid. An airplane in flight is a public place, no one wants to be subjected to your bull crap!” InternationalKick126
5. AITJ For Having No Sympathy For My Boss?
“My (27F) boss is a friend of my mum’s and is always nice and gave me lifts home from work before I learned to drive. She told us that only the person working at the front desk sorts the mail. We all work a rotating roster, sometimes the front desk person starts at 7 or 9 depending on the day. Today the front desk person doesn’t start till 9 while the rest of us start at 7 or 8.
I ask a colleague if they reckon we should set up the front desk and do the mail cause the person isn’t coming in until late. Colleague says no, the boss says only the front desk person does the mail.
Boss comes in livid. Yells at us that the mail isn’t done, the front desk isn’t open, and calls us all lazy and that it was common sense that if the front person is starting late we need to do the mail.
Normally I’m very shy at work but I lose my temper and yell back that we’re doing exactly what she told us, how dare you call us lazy just because you didn’t make your instructions clear. Later I go and apologize for yelling but said she hadn’t been clear. She doesn’t apologize and says ‘thank you for apologizing but you were being lazy.’
Another colleague says it was common sense to do the mail and I say no we were doing as we were told.
Boss sends an email saying ‘if you see something that needs to be done, don’t say someone else will do it, just do it instead of sitting on your bums.’ I’m so angry I go on a toilet break to calm down and make plans to quit.
I tell my mum and she says the boss is having a real rough time at home right now and to cut her some slack and remember how she used to drive me home.
Today in the breakroom I heard the boss saying in the other room, ‘some people have mental breakdowns over the mail.’ I have taken mental health days and am open about it to her cause I thought she was cool. I tell my mum and she still says cut her some slack and seems shocked at me when I say I’ve lost all respect for my boss, have no sympathy and it doesn’t matter what she’s going through how dare she mock my mental health and take her problems out on the workers.
AITJ for having no sympathy for my boss who is going through a hard time?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
Don’t cut her slack. Bad bosses like her are the reason this country’s workforce is so defeated and burnt out. It’s her job to make instructions clear.
Quit without telling your mom. Tell her after you’ve already started your new job.
You’re a good worker, you deserve common decency and respect. If I had a rough day at home and clocked into my shift and yelled at my boss because SHE could’ve picked up the broom before I got there? Pfft, I’d get written up or fired!
No double standards.
You’re young so getting your confidence is one thing. Quitting and putting in your 2 weeks doesn’t have to be a dramatic scene.
‘Hey boss lady, here is my written 2-week notice. I’m sorry but I found something that will work better for me, my schedule, and my work/life balance. Wish you the best, I’ll make sure I finish out till the date listed on the signed document.’
As you get older you’ll realize more and more often the opportunities employers take to get the extra work out of beating down employees because we are literally taught in school to listen to our teachers even if they are wrong.
Well, this Mom right here is telling you your boss is wrong! And while your mom means no harm, unfortunately, her nonchalant stance is also part of the problem.
Mindsets like hers who think it’s ok to be disrespectful to people based on your personal home life are absurd. We all walk out that door each day with a common goal and expectation. Do your job to make your money, please don’t be a booger. That’s it.” Osabear92
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
If the boss wants (a) the mail done by the front desk person, and (b) the mail done before 9 a.m., then the person who works the front desk should have to be required to come in before 9 a.m.
To be honest it’s not fair that the person who gets to come in late also gets a task taken away from him or her.
Your boss’s reaction was unreasonable, and calling you lazy was unacceptable.
Then, her intimation about your mental health was inexcusable.
Whether you want to confront the boss about this, or whether you want to work there anymore is your choice.” Perdendosi
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, she doesn’t get to take out her problems on you and act as if it’s okay. She explicitly stated that only that person does the mail, so you were following instructions. She seems to be unpredictable and kind of hypocritical in her ‘rules.’ You can’t read her mind. If you want to keep the job, however, I’d suggest you keep this to yourself unless your coworkers are willing to back you up. I’ve worked with someone like this before and they tend to have an ‘always right’ complex.” moodscience
4. AITJ For Refusing To Go To My SO's Last-Minute Plans?
“My SO (19M) and I (19M) have been together for nearly two years. Something that has always bothered me is how he doesn’t plan ahead. It’s not like I plan everything two weeks in advance, but I hate getting invites a few hours in advance.
It has happened a lot where we plan a day together on a Sunday, for example, and then Saturday at noon he just randomly calls me and expects me to take a one hour bus to his house, because ‘we’re both just at home doing nothing so why not be together.’ I told him this frustrates me.
It’s easy for him to just comfortably wait at home, while I was looking forward to having a calm day in my own comfortable home.
Last week, he returned from his trip abroad. He texted me three hours in advance asking me to wait for him outside the train station, at midnight. I showed my frustration but decided to do it.
Just a moment ago, he called me out of the blue, suggesting to pick me up.
He’s having friends over, some of whom I haven’t met yet, who are eager to meet me. It’s 8 PM in the evening, and I just had a tiring workday. I refused and reminded him of how many times I have asked him to give me a heads up a day or two in advance. He drops the victim card, ‘real lovers would do this for each other.
I would do it for you too’. As I’m writing this, he’s still texting me. ‘I want you to be here. I’ll pick you up, get ready.’
Am I the jerk here? Is it really that demanding to get a heads up a few days in advance?”
Another User Comments:
“Huh.
I’ve never found myself between all judgments before. But overall, I think NTJ.
Your SO is making an effort to include you, and spend time with you.
He sounds like a pretty spontaneous guy, but I don’t think he’s doing anything wrong. He’s not just showing up on no notice and asking you to hang out.
However, it sounds like you thrive on structure and planning. I know it can be distressing when ‘The Plan’ changes last minute, and understand why you would prefer to have things plotted out beforehand.
This, at its core, is a compatibility issue that needs to be addressed.
He has a need for a partner to be more spontaneous; you have a need to have a lot of structure in plans. To him, it may seem as if you are being very low effort. I think feelings are probably hurt on both sides.
Both parties here need to find a little wiggle room and compromise because otherwise this ain’t gonna work.” kittydeathdrop
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
I don’t know how you would describe yourself but your SO seems extroverted and you seem very introverted and as an introverted person myself I don’t like this kind of thing either.
If we’re gonna do something tomorrow I need you to tell me now, do not wait to tell me hours before because I’ve already planned out my entire day, and for me being around people takes a lot of energy and work.
You don’t do spontaneous, you do planning and that’s OK that’s perfectly fine! And that whole ‘real lovers would do this’ thing is manipulative bull crap.
It works both ways real lovers would also be considerate of their partner’s time and energy.” ZOE_XCII
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
Your control-freak SO needs to understand basic courtesy and respect (but sadly, he won’t learn it anytime soon). He has no impulse control – seriously, giving you no heads up about a get-together? Disregarding the fact you’re tired and need a day to recharge? Expecting you to drop whatever you’re doing (or not doing) to travel to see him on a whim? Waiting for him for three hours in the middle of the night? Not only is he clueless about how unsafe some of those requests are, but it seems like you’re doing 99% of the relationship’s labor, which appeases only him.
That ‘real lovers blah blah blah’ is just a manipulation tactic. Stop caving into his requests. Heck, stop taking his calls and responding to his texts when you want a day to yourself. Better yet, drop him like a ton of bricks off a 100-story building.” SilentCounter6750
3. AITJ For Refusing To Let In Another Dog?
“I will try to cut right to the chase here. We are all mid-30s and my husband and I have a 12yo son and a 14yo daughter.
SIL and her husband’s house burnt to the ground 2 years ago and needed somewhere to go. They didn’t have home insurance so they lost absolutely everything and didn’t get compensated. Everyone in the family refused to take them in because of their dog Bandit.
I had never met the animal before but he was described as the ‘most poorly trained animal in existence’ and my SIL was basically the culprit because she babied this animal to a point of no return. I originally thought my in-laws were just being dramatic. As my MIL tends to severely overplay situations. However, I’m an idiot and they were right.
So SIL, her husband, and their untrained beast lived in my home for 14 months, and during that time this dog destroyed my house.
My floors, walls, and door paneling were all bitten through and destroyed. Holes, claw marks, chewing, etc. Water damage, practically everywhere. Or pee damage is more like it. It’s hot where I live. The door is always open. The dog just wouldn’t go outside. I had my cats ‘go missing’ but I am pretty certain the dog got to them because he also got to 17 of my chickens.
It took us 3 months to evict these people.
Now they are out on the street and I don’t care. That might make me heartless but oh well. I had never been so depressed and defeated in my life as I was during their stay and I was always the one cleaning up the mess of this dog because my SIL and her husband were lazy and did nothing ever.
Anyways, it’s been a few months now and my husband asked me if we can get a dog.
I said absolutely not. I’m still trying to pay for the damages the other dog did to my home and honestly, I think I’m well past the mental capacity of coexisting with a dog after this experience. He says I’m being overdramatic and that ‘our dog wouldn’t act like that’. But I still said no. My kids don’t want a dog either. It’s just my husband and he is making out like I’m denying him the world.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. And I hope for the dog’s sake that you do not give in to your husband on this. It’s totally understandable that you and your kids do not want an animal in your home after the nightmare you just went through. Seems like it’s only your husband who wants a pet. This is a recipe for disaster. A dog is a lot of work, especially in the beginning.
It can be very stressful. Add that to an already non-receptive environment is not right for any of you involved. Including the dog. I strongly believe that people should only get a pet if everyone in the household agrees. If not, resentment builds in those not happy with the pet and everyone suffers.
You may change your mind down the line after time has passed, but only you can judge when or if that ever happens.” LadyLu-onthelake
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
Dogs are a huge responsibility, and you saw firsthand what happens when one doesn’t take that responsibility seriously with your SIL. I don’t blame you or your children one bit for not wanting a dog after Bandit destroyed your home, killed your chickens, and likely killed your cats (and you haven’t even found the bodies of the cats? Hopefully they’re just scared off then or hiding).
Your husband is the jerk for not understanding where y’all are coming from. Yes, of course, it would be different with you guys because you would insist on proper training and wouldn’t baby the dog to the point of no return. But that doesn’t change the nightmare y’all just went through and the feelings associated with it.” Alistor3
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Do not get a dog any time soon, you and your children are not ready.
That dog sounds like an untrained monster. Someone else mentioned PTSD from the dog, which could be a real possibility for you and maybe your children. If you have friends with trained, well-behaved dogs, you could see if they would let you visit every once in a while so you and your children can have some positive interactions with dogs when you’re ready. I love dogs and have dogs but I wouldn’t be able to handle living with a dog like your SIL’s. I would have been tempted to take it to a no-kill shelter and say it ran away.” deebee1084
2. AITJ For Yelling Out In Frustration?
“So my (27F) SO (29M) and I have been living together for almost a year now, been a couple for 3. While I’m on my way to pick up quick lunch before heading to an important appointment, I had an urge to use the bathroom. The problem is, the lunch spot has no private parking except for a few spots on a busy street so I had to find an alternative.
Luckily, I live close, like a couple of blocks away, so I just parked in our building and went up to our apartment. This is where the problem started.
When I tried going to our bathroom, it was locked and I could hear him showering. He’s also blasting music from his speakers. Our bathroom has two access, one from the hallway and one from the bedroom. Figuring that he was in the middle of showering, I went and tried going through the bedroom route.
The door is also locked (even though we just live by ourselves, with no other roommates whatsoever). We have a small bathroom, with the bedroom door close to the tub area (within arm’s reach if you step one foot out the tub kind of distance). I spoke loud enough asking him to open the door because I need to pee. No answer for a good minute.
After that, I knocked 3 times and yell that I really need to go, and it took him a while to respond back and say wait a sec. I had given him at this point 4-5 min, every minute reminding him to please open the door as I’m literally about to wet my pants while still trying to be patient and wait.
After 7 min (Yes I timed it because at this point I’m petty), I heard him getting out of the shower and not even rushing to open the gosh darn door.
I had to yell again for him to open it and this is the only time he asked: are you dying? And I responded with an exasperated Yes and with ‘why would I keep hounding you to open it?!’
He just casually said sorry babe and left it like that. I’m really fuming as he had no sense of urgency and there are no other bathrooms nearby (unless I walk to an establishment which will take me 5 min of walking and trying to hold it in).
I feel a little bad for yelling because if I can really wait I won’t even bother knocking but I also don’t think he realized how bad it was for me. So then, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Why is your partner locking the door? I get it, if you have kids and need 5 minutes of privacy but in a house with one bathroom, you have to let the toilet be accessible unless you are currently using it.
Also, OP it is super easy to pop locks on regular doors. All you need is a plastic card. It will take you probably a minute to learn and then 10 seconds if you get locked out again.” Befub14435
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Unless you have a medical issue (which I assume you would have mentioned), you should be able to wait a couple of minutes to pee.
You say you were on your way to get lunch when you suddenly had an urge to pee…so like, plan ahead in the future like most adults do so that when you feel that urge it’s not because you’re about to wet yourself?
Your SO should be able to take a hot shower with music on uninterrupted. He could clearly barely hear you, and was almost certainly in the middle of something when you started yelling at him.” Temporary_Badger
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but as someone who showers while listening to music, it’s near impossible to hear anything outside the bathroom and I don’t even play the music loud. Best explain the situation and perhaps apologize. It’s not like he purposely did what he did.” aimlessauthor
1. AITJ For Not Wanting To Split The Bill With My SO?
“I (F27) don’t wanna go 50/50 (split bill) with my SO (M26) when we go out.
We have two children, two boys (one is 6, one is 5). I watch them and take care of them all the time. My SO works and I’m a stay-at-home mom but I get income from reselling online. A lot of times I feel like he doesn’t actually appreciate what I do – anyway I cook and clean all day taking care of two crazy kids and still make sure he has lunch and dinner every single day, even when I’m on my period or not feeling well.
Doing everyone’s laundry, sweeping, mopping, dusting, handling information sometimes.. doing all the grocery shopping for our household, he’ll message me what he wants or needs and I pay with mine and his money. With the funds I make reselling I even buy him gifts, I noticed his controller was broken and I saved to buy him a new one. He buys me gifts too, flowers and chocolates.
I appreciate what he does for me and I love him..
But we got into an argument recently. I told him we hadn’t gone out in so long and I’d love it if he’d take me out! He did. We went to Olive Garden, had dinner and dessert and when the bill came he asked me to split it. I was really upset. Maybe I was being dramatic but he took me out despite the fact I suggested it but I don’t even usually make a lot from reselling anyway, but I recently had made some decent funds and I spent some on cleaning supplies + saved the rest to buy the kids a kindle or tablet to keep them entertained.
He told me it’s only right because I wanted to go out anyway and I ordered expensive dishes and (which was not on purpose or my intention at all..) knew I made some income from reselling and told me I was being very greedy and selfish. I was furious, I’m a stay-at-home mom with no job and no stable income and he thinks I’m being greedy for not paying half? Mind you he never gives me any money either unless he adds it to our shared card for groceries so any spare money he has he gets to KEEP…
it makes me feel like he gets to keep money and spend on himself but I can’t even save what I make.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I think you and your SO are long overdue to sitting down and talking about your finances. If he is essentially the sole provider then you need to work out a budget that includes four pots of fun money, one for him, one for you, one for the kids, and one for couple stuff.
These are in addition to the other financial obligations you guys have. The pots for you and him should be equal amounts. When you go out the money comes from the couple’s pot. When you buy the kids a Kindle or birthday present or just because gifts it comes from the kid’s pot. If you decide to use money from your pot for the kids, you can, but you don’t get to be angry that your SO didn’t use his money for the kids.
He doesn’t get an extra share of fun money just because he is earning more, but you also don’t get to keep your money just because you earn much less. The money you are bringing in should be added to these pots, but he is going to be contributing significantly more. If he isn’t happy with this arrangement then it is time for you to consider not being a SAHM.” Letters_from_summer
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
I recommend you guys talk with a financial advisor or someone who can give some neutral third-party advice. Someone who can explain how things are normally done in a healthy marriage with one earner and one non-working parent.
In a marriage like this, the earner’s money is typically considered shared money. You sound very thrifty and sensible. There is no reason you shouldn’t be allowed to spend where you see fit.
And you should be joint on all his accounts. That’s a very normal practice.
And expecting you to pay half of your dinner is absolutely absurd. Using your side income to buy actual cleaning supplies for the home is even more absurd. Your side income should be for fun gifts and rainy day stuff. Non-necessities.
Consider that if you were to divorce, you would be entitled to half of everything.
House, 401k, vehicles, savings, checking. All of the assets. Legally speaking, in a marriage, half of that money is yours. He’s not honoring the marriage.
You’re being borderline financially neglected.” frannyfranfran5
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You act like you are entitled to your SO’s money. You asked him to take you out. He probably thought that it was a 50/50 thing. Every time I ask my SO to take me out that’s what we do.
But you got bigger problems than paying for dinner. Think about it, he can wake up tomorrow and leave. What will you do then? You have set yourself up for a very bad outcome.” Strange_Difficulty41
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