People Ask Us to Critique Their Behavior In Their "Am I The Jerk?" Story

As much as we want to believe that others' opinions about us don't matter, sometimes hearing what they think can be beneficial. This is especially true if we request their opinion from the get-go. One of the best questions we might ask someone is whether or not we were a jerk in a particular situation. If they admit that we were, in fact, a jerk, this can give us a wake-up call and a chance to redeem ourselves. But now is your chance to be the critic. Voice your opinions about the stories below. We're all ears! AITJ = Am I the jerk? NTJ = Not the jerk YTJ = You're the jerk WIBTJ = Would I be the jerk? EHS = Everyone here sucks

15. AITJ For Telling My Pregnant Wife She's Ridiculous For Crying Over A Can Of Soup?

“My wife is four months pregnant with our fifth child. We have a 7-year-old girl, a 6-year-old girl, a 4-year-old boy, and a 2-year-old boy now. Since childcare is so expensive, she has been staying home.

Finances are tight right now, and her car broke down, so we have been relying on mine.

She texted me and told me she was craving a particular can of soup, so I bought it and brought it home.

She placed it on the counter and said she would make it after she gave the kids a bath.

While she was upstairs, my dad came over and mentioned he was hungry, so I told him to help himself to anything in the kitchen as we had made dinner shortly before.

Well, he ended up leaving to go home, and my wife came downstairs, then I heard her frantically searching for something. I asked what she was doing and she was looking for the soup she left out.

I told her I haven’t seen it and that my dad came over, but he usually doesn’t eat canned foods. I called him, and he admitted he did in fact take it and that he was sorry because he was unaware she was saving it.

When I told her this, she started sobbing and saying that “she can never have one thing in this house and how bad she was craving it and wanting it so bad.” She cried for almost an hour over it.

Later I told her that she was being ridiculous and that she was an adult and crying over something as stupid as a can of soup that was for children.

She told me I didn’t understand, and she’s feeling very emotional lately and stressed.

I talked to my mom who told me I needed to give her grace and that my words were very jerkish.

AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“YTJ. She’s hormonal and growing an entirely new human being.

Plus when you’re a mother, you end up giving everything to your kids. You open a bag of chips, and they want to taste them. Chocolate bar? Ooh, Mommy, that looks yummy.

Can we try some?! You buy yourself some ice cream, and the kids eat it. Nothing is your own. Not even your own body. This was hers. Only hers. And somebody took it.

Again. As per bloody usual.” Global_Monk_5778

Another User Comments:

“YTJ, consider being slightly more thoughtful. Your wife is pregnant, you’re both having financial troubles, and she’s having to spend a lot of time caring for your four other children.

Pregnancy is not easy, and it results in a lot of hormones and a lot of stress, and a general imbalance, which will put her in a very vulnerable position.

Try to understand where she’s coming from, try to empathize with her, and be there to help her and cater to her needs.

Take some of the stress off her and make sure you’re also taking care of the kids. Couldn’t you have given the kids a bath and just let her have her soup, or relax?

And come on, dude…

She was crying for over an hour for it, and you couldn’t pop out of the house and buy her another can? It’s a few acts like this that can just HELP.

Just be there for God’s sake, that’s what she needs.

Telling a pregnant woman that her emotions, over something that may seem trivial to you, are ridiculous, is just insensitive and mean.

Don’t forget, that you’re BOTH parents.” sarcast1c_0ne

Another User Comments:

“NTJ… it’s not your fault and your father didn’t know.

However, you have 4 kids, and she’s pregnant… I’d cry too. It’s got to be a lot of work and stressful.

I have 2 boys, and they eat everything, and if they hear you eating, they’re right there in your face wanting some. Maybe get her some of her favorite things and hide them, so they’re just for her.

Hide them well so the kids don’t find them. Mine aren’t allowed in my room or closet.” tnebteg456

Another User Comments:

“YTJ. When you’re pregnant, it’s not ridiculous to cry over anything. I’m 7 months along with my first.

I’ve cried SO MUCH for no reason – because my husband brought me my favorite tea unprompted because I couldn’t find my shoes, because I REALLY wanted peanut butter and we were out, because my niece and nephew are too cute, because I’m tired.

Tears/crying is how your body helps regulate extreme emotions.

Taking care of yourself while pregnant is HARD. Let alone being in charge of 4 kids while not having easy access to the outside world.

The freedom of having a car available and knowing you can go pick up that soup or a coffee whenever.

Also, if your pregnant wife is craving something specific and you pick up ONE, you’re automatically the jerk in my book.” coffee-vanilla-

4 points (4 votes)
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Pcogale 2 months ago
YTJ - it's what you said to her that makes you one. None of what happened was malicious ie your dad didn't know not to eat the soup and you did give him carte blanche to eat whatever. But that I find a little strange in itself if he came over to your house because he's hungry. That was actually a little bit on the inappropriate side seeing as he probably knew that you didn't have a lot of money.
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14. AITJ For Banning My Niece From My Grandma's Funeral?

“My grandmother just passed away. We’re in the middle of planning her funeral, and I really only have one request. One particular person, we’ll call her Shannon, needs to be banned from it.

This sounds bad, but hear me out. Shannon is my sister’s stepdaughter.

When Shannon was 12, her mother passed away a little under two months before mine and my sister’s mother. Shannon’s father couldn’t allow her to go to her mother’s funeral because our own mother was severely ill, they had two very young kids, so they would have had to allow her to fly cross-country alone and then risk a kidnapping from the extended relatives.

She was obviously very hurt by this, and their solution to that was to, unbeknownst to anyone else, make her think that my mother’s funeral was about her own mother as well.

At my mother’s funeral, we were blindsided by pictures of not only my mother but also my niece’s mother as well. They’d also gotten ahold of the urn, and had that prominently on display.

They basically turned it into a joint funeral, and my niece played it up 100%. She acted like she was the primary mourner and gave a full 5-minute eulogy to just her mother.

It was ridiculously inappropriate and turned what should have been a nice memorial into a drama-filled sideshow. My mother and Shannon’s mother had never met, so we had to tell the full story of my sister’s husband’s first marriage when it should have been just about my mother’s life.

I’m not willing to risk any of that again for my grandmother’s funeral, so I want her banned. Yes, it was wrong of the adults to enable it to happen. But she HAD to have known better.

I could even forgive it if she had ever in the last 10 years apologized at all, but she defends it and acts like she deserved to do it because her father and stepmom (my sister) didn’t let her go to her mother’s funeral.

Yes, it’s not good that they didn’t, but unfortunately, things happen and it doesn’t give you a free pass to just do whatever you want to do. Word has spread, and relatives that aren’t even my sister and her husband are mad at me over this.

They think I need to just let it go and I can’t just ban family from a funeral, especially over something they did over a decade ago. Am I really that wrong to still be angry over this?”

Another User Comments:

“Wow.

YTJ.

Everybody except Shannon is a massive jerk honestly.

Also, I’m wondering if your sister arranged it and paid extra for that? Funeral home staff are used to dealing with difficult grief and emotionally laden conflict situations.

Also, they get paid for their services and use of that space.

If it wasn’t arranged ahead of time I would guess the funeral home staff would have gently intervened and not let people essentially steal their services.

Your sister and her husband are massive jerks. Him for not prioritizing his child going to her own mother’s funeral and both for setting this up at your mother’s funeral instead of setting up another service for her mom.

You are a huge massive jerk because you are calling a child’s grieving behavior at a service the child was told was for their mother was “playing it up” and “a drama-filled sideshow.” In regards to her own mother’s “funeral,” she was the primary mourner for her mother.

It’s honestly sick that you ignore the fact that adults, your sister, and her husband, set this up and told her that and put her in that situation and you have no compassion at all and blame a 12 yo for grieving and doing what she was told essentially.

And you’re scared it’s going to randomly happen again 10 years later? It makes no sense that you think there would be a random repeat when the circumstances are totally different, your niece is an adult and I would assume your sister won’t be lying to her again and setting her up again.

You are a massive jerk.” EdgrrAllenPaw

Another User Comments:

“YTJ – she was 12 and the adults around her told her to do it.

She hasn’t apologized because she doesn’t know that she did anything wrong.

She actually didn’t do anything wrong. She thought and was told that it was a funeral for your mum and her mum, she acted accordingly and appropriately for the situation as she knew it.

The adults around her are jerks. Her father for not taking her to her mother’s funeral, the adults at your mother’s funeral who made it a joint funeral and set everything up without telling you.

Shannon did not put up the pictures or get an urn. Adults involved in the planning clearly set it up as a joint funeral – they should have told you in advance and are jerks.

You are a jerk for holding a 12yrs behavior against her a decade later.

The only one in this situation who isn’t a jerk is the 12 now 22yo who was manipulated and behaved appropriately with the information adults gave her.” Competitive-Proof410

Another User Comments:

“YTJ 100%.

I’m struggling here to see what you think she did wrong.

She was 12. She was a CHILD. Her mother died, you know what that is like as an adult imagine losing your mother as a child.

Then she wasn’t allowed to go to the funeral for whatever reasons that were given to her – not to mention that just because your mother was ill her dad could have still taken her to the funeral.

Then…. then they LIED TO HER about the ‘joint funeral’ and you are mad at the child who believed the adults? Why are you not mad at your sister or your BIL?

Your attitude is just awful.

A child’s grief isn’t as important as yours? You both lost your mothers for crap’s sake. Have some compassion.

Oh…. and remind me why you think you get to ban family members from your grandmother’s funeral? Unless gran explicitly said so you can jog on. Take your misplaced anger elsewhere and stop picking on children.” ThelmaHorseDog

3 points (3 votes)
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Grish 2 months ago
YTJ. First, she was 12 then, and now she’s 22? I’m sure she’s grown. Next, for her that was her mothers funeral. She was denied, very selfishly I might add, to grieve her own mother at her own mothers funeral. She was set up as this being that appropriate place to grieve, with props I might add, for her mother. She was ambushed, what 12 year old has the emotional ability to wade through that especially when they are desperate with grief. She needed to get out what she did. What her father and the family did to her is unforgivable yet you want to blame a grieving child for this. You have no soul and are a waste of a human being I’d you dint see the damage you all caused her, abd I have no doubt continue to cause her by holding this farce against her as if she had any part in engineering it at all. Shame on all of you. YTJ. I hope she got therapy along the way. She needs it with you people.
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13. AITJ For Making My Husband Sign A Contract Before Taking $14,000 Out Of My Bank Account?

“I (f36) have been married to my husband (m42) for 2 years. I’ve never been married before him, but he was married twice and has 6 kids. He requested our finances be split.

Fine by me, because seeing how he blows through his savings is so frustrating. He says he has kids, commitments, and has to provide, but I don’t think that kids would need that much to live like the other kids.

His bank account is always almost empty, whereas mine has over 20k. We take turns paying for daily expenses and stuff.

Lately, he’s been struggling with his finances. He borrowed from a number of people including my own brother, about 4k from him just a week ago.

He just seemed desperate. I asked what the deal was, and he said that he needed the finances for the kids which seemed fishy since kids don’t really need that much for their expenses.

The eldest is 16!

He came and asked to borrow 14k from me, pull it from my account, and into his. I tried asking him what he needed so much for, but he said it was none of my business, then insisted that he’ll return it asap.

I said okay, but under the condition, that he sign a contract stating he’ll return the amount in full. He acted all shocked and offended then went on about how I don’t trust him and his word.

I told him that’s all I got and that this was my one and only condition. He kept ranting about how I’m refusing to help and making the situation more difficult for him instead of cooperating.

I insisted on a contract to be signed before he even pulls a penny, and this morning when I told him this one more time, he blew up and said that we’re family and that I should be ashamed for involving courts and lawyers between family.

He left the house and was so upset he hasn’t responded to any of my calls yet.

AITJ for standing my ground with this condition?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ.

He has either:

  • A gambling problem
  • An addiction
  • A secret partner/child/ex who needs the funds, and he’s prioritizing them over you.

Don’t give him anything without it being clear on what it’s being spent on, or better yet…

RUN.

Edit: A 4th explanation just came to mind: he might have fallen for a scam and either doesn’t know it or is embarrassed that he did and now needs the funds.

Advice is still the same though if he isn’t willing to talk about it.” GamesCatsComics

Another User Comments:

“YTJ TO YOURSELF. Do not even consider giving him a dime. And I said “giving” because you must know you’ll never see it again.

A piece of paper will not conjure this repayment out of thin air so that he has it to give back.

You’re inventing a condition so that you can tell yourself he won’t just take the funds and lose them.

You must know that if he needs to borrow such a large amount, he can’t afford to pay you back. And he’s borrowing even more from others.

His attitude, his secrecy, the fact he’s hitting everyone up to borrow from them…

WHY are you with him. Why did I read this? So depressing.” Reddit user

Another User Comments:

“NTJ.

You both need to sit down with a spreadsheet and figure out where all his savings are going because something is very, very wrong here.

My guess is that he’s gambling.

Do not, under any circumstances, give this man a single dime. In fact, if your accounts aren’t LOCKED DOWN, you should do that IMMEDIATELY. Change passwords. Change banks if you have to.” MadPiglet42

2 points (2 votes)
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Pcogale 2 months ago
NTJ - you don't really have a partnership. The fact he won't even tell you what it's for speaks volumes.

You may need to seriously reconsider this relationship.
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12. AITJ For Not Choosing Between My Two Daughters?

“Husband and I have two daughters, Erika 23F & Sarah 25F. Much to my disappointment, they’ve never gotten along – even as kids, they were always fighting. I had always hoped they would grow out of it, but it just never happened.

I’ve tried very hard to encourage them to grow together, as it was always my wish for them to be best friends and take care of each other when I’m gone.

Nothing worked and they seemed bent on hating each other.

Some backstory: When Sarah moved out for college, she stopped talking to Erika entirely. This seemed really harsh to me, and I told her that.

During this time, I grew closer with Erika as she was still at home and Sarah seemed to want nothing to do with us. We were both hurt by Sarah’s actions.

When Erika went to college, Sarah seemed to make an effort to get along with her and I was really excited. But something happened – Sarah said that Erika was “bullying” her and blocked her on her phone.

Erika told me that Sarah had blocked her so I texted Sarah demanding to know why. Sarah said that Erika was name-calling and “blowing up” her phone – I told Sarah she needed to get over it because family is family and you can’t just block family for no reason.

It seemed very immature to me and I was very annoyed.

It’s been about 2 years and Sarah hasn’t had a relationship with Erika since. Every time I see Sarah, I try to remind her that Erika loves her and tell her about the realities of the situation – that Sarah is successful and Erika just gets jealous sometimes.

Sarah always seems really upset when I bring up Erika and gets moody.

Sarah is now getting married. At Sarah’s engagement party (to which Erika was not invited, which really disappointed me), I told Sarah that Erika was happy for her but it was hard for her, having her sister be successful like this.

Sarah seemed annoyed and brushed me off. Since the party, I’ve been trying to get a straight answer from Sarah as to whether Erika is invited to the wedding. I brought it up a few times when Sarah was talking about the wedding and she ignored me.

Eventually, she snapped at me that she hasn’t had a relationship with Erika in many years and she “didn’t know why you would expect her to be there.”

I was horrified. In my view, Sarah’s childish, vengeful antics have gone too far.

You just don’t treat family like this – not inviting them to your wedding? My heart is broken, as I want them to take care of each other and I don’t know why they refuse to do so.

I want nothing to do with the wedding at this point – I’ll attend, but I have no desire to help a daughter who treats family like this. I feel like Sarah is just asking me to pick between her and her sister and I want nothing to do with it.

My husband thinks I might be being a little harsh, but Erika agrees with my decision.”

Another User Comments:

“YTJ – you mention a lot of times you’ve encouraged your older daughter to be more respectful.

You’ve mentioned exactly zero times you’ve corrected your younger daughter’s behavior or expected her to be nice to her sister. Why is that?

You also mention times when your older daughter has literally told you that her sister is being unkind and demanding and rude to her and you’ve used quotation marks for the word “bullying” showing that you really don’t believe her at all.

Why is that?

It sounds a lot like you’re completely blind to your baby’s faults and you blame all the friction on the old one who “should know better”, but your younger daughter is persistently bratty and entitled and you enable this all the way.

I wouldn’t bet on your older daughter being desperately upset if you decided not to support the wedding: she’s had no support for you so far in life so why change now?” redcore4

Another User Comments:

“You owe Sarah a huge and sincere apology.

How dare you for their entire lives not believe her when she said Erika was picking on her? She learned early in you had a favorite and it wasn’t her. You chose the bully.

Every. Single. Time.

You owe Erika a huge and sincere apology. Not only did you pit sisters against each other, you created a bully, and a lazy, sniveling brat who won’t take responsibility for her own actions.

You did this. On both sides. Now you won’t accept responsibility for your actions and are whinging about how Sarah refuses to put up with you and your mini-me’s bullcrap any longer.

Then apologize to your husband for instigating all of this and continuing the drama for 20+years.

Yes, YTJ. Not Sarah. Not your husband. You and your darling are peas in a pod.

Get therapy.” Reddit user

Another User Comments:

“You have a golden child and a scapegoat child. You’ve made that abundantly clear in your post. You’ve excused absolutely everything Erika has done to Sarah, probably from the time they were children.

You say they fought a lot as kids, (I assume you meant more than normal) but you don’t say who was the instigator.

Every single comment I’ve seen is in defense of Erika and minimizing whatever it is she said, which you refuse to say what she said, to Sarah.

You say you think Sarah is just playing “victim” like always. And try to equate what’s happened now to when they were children, when the fact of the matter is the situations are different.

Them fighting as children is not the same as now. As children, Sarah had no choice but to put up with it. Now that she’s an adult she can choose who she wants to have relationships with.

Her sister is not one of them. And you’re treading closer and closer to NC too.

This whole “family is family” nonsense you mentioned is absolute bullcrap. Blood relation does not make you family.

And it darn well doesn’t mean you have to put up with maltreatment for the sake of so-called “family”

You are blaming Sarah for everything. Calling her childish for setting boundaries. Calling her vengeful for not wanting someone, who had to have said/done something absolutely awful for her to finally block her for good, to be at her wedding.

Saying she acts like she’s better than everyone because she’s successful. You blame Sarah for the way Erika acts because she got “lucky” in her career and Erika hasn’t. When in reality Sarah worked her butt off for her success.

What had Erika done? You have done nothing but fault Sarah at every turn. But you haven’t said one bad thing about Erika.

You made your choice a long time ago. No one forced you to.

You did it yourself. Sarah had probably spent her entire life trying to get the same attention from you that her sister got. And now you not going to the wedding is proving she’ll never be good enough for you.

On top of all of that, what exactly gives you the right to butt into their relationship? Nothing. You have no right. They are adults. They don’t need mommy butting in to fix things.

They don’t need to be fixed. Sarah has made her choice. She’s ready to cut the family that treats her like garbage. And you have absolutely no right to force her to do something she doesn’t want. Butt out. Or lose your daughter forever. (If you haven’t already).

YTJ.” Alphawolf5916

2 points (2 votes)
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Pcogale 2 months ago
YTJ - massively. I don't for any second doubt that Erika has not been very nice to her sister and milking it for what it was worth because you enable it and wouldn't take sides so she got away with it.

The expectation that Erika be included is wrong. They may be related by blood but they are not sisters.

Unfortunately I find myself in a similar position because one of mine hates her siblings (seems very jealous) but I will never expect them to be in the same room for significant events. They are not going to be at each others weddings (if they have them), and there's a chance that they may not know they are getting married at all. That's as it stands at the moment - it may change. The younger ones have been very hurt by the eldest's actions and the lack of support is due to that kids behaviour and not a reflection on either the younger kids or us. They are all adults and can make their own decisions as much as it bites to not have the harmonious family that everyone seems to think occurs all the time. You don't get to curious someone just because you are related to them. It causes a lot of trauma the abuser gets off on a power trip knowing that they will get away with it.
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11. AITJ For Uninviting My Partner From Our Vacation?

“My (25F) partner (24M), “Charlie” and I have been together for 11 months, and we have known each other since we started college together. At the age of 15, he was diagnosed with narcolepsy.

So it was a “thing” I knew about before we started seeing each other.

We’ve been planning our week-long vacation to Spain with a group of friends since we never got the chance to travel after graduation, plus my mother.

She’s a travel agent and she offered to pay half the travel expenses.

Our group was: Me and my mom, my man and his best friend, and two of mine. We bought the tickets, we booked our Airbnb, and everything was okay, but four weeks before our flight, Charlie’s friend told us he had an unexpected personal issue.

So he was out. Charlie was clearly bummed to hear about that. He had to take a “forced nap” that day, and that was an alarming reminder of his condition. We weren’t with each other at the time, but I remembered how bad his condition was during finals week at college, or at any stressful time.

Now, hear me out. Charlie’s narcolepsy is the type where his muscles can suddenly go completely limp or weaken without warning under stressful or high emotional conditions, so it’s not only that he gets “sleepy” during the day, but sometimes he will go fully DOWN.

Also, Charlie is quite tall, 6’3″, slim but muscular.

Now, can you imagine three 5’4 girls and a petite 62-year-old woman dealing with that situation, all by themselves, in Spain? Lol. I was somewhat reassured by the fact that his friend could’ve helped with that, but without him in the picture now, it was a completely different scenario.

My mom planned the trip and we all know vacations can be stressful. At that moment I came to the conclusion that Charlie’s condition appeared to be a potentially serious travel itinerary problem.

I decided to protect Charlie, and avoid a lot of potential inconveniences for him and the rest of the group. I asked Charlie if we could take this trip without him.

My main argument was that since his friend wasn’t going, we planned to make it more of a “girls’ trip”, and I didn’t want him to feel left out. Of course, I didn’t mention his condition cause I didn’t want him to feel bad.

I promised him we could take another vacation soon (less stressful). I knew he was having trouble finding someone to take care of his dog since he has no friends near his apartment, so I used that as another reason for him to stay.

Eventually, Charlie said it was “okay” and that he completely understood my reasoning. He took it pretty well and was very understanding.

We already booked a place for 6, so I asked my sister if she wanted to join us.

When I told her the full story, she was visibly upset. My sister said it was a crappy move and it was “ableist” to ask Charlie not to go, but I don’t think that’s true.

Our trip is next week, and honestly, I want to go with a clean conscience. AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“YTJ – You don’t even sound like you believe he has narcolepsy. You come off as if you legit think it’s made up and/or he’s faking it – you’re probably like that about anything you don’t feel/think is legitimate..

You even mentioned LEGITIMATE SYMPTOMS of narcolepsy and yet still have the audacity to put quotation marks around certain things related to it/him. Seriously, what is wrong with you? Since he was diagnosed at 15 and is now 25, that means he’s been living with this condition for 10 years! It’s not some ‘new’ or ‘imagined’ issue like you’re attempting to make it seem.

You’ve been together for 11 months and you’re still gonna pretend like this is new? As if you didn’t have an idea/expectation of what life would be like with him.

Also, some points of clarification are needed here.

You said you’ve all been planning this trip. So, who paid for the trip? Did Charlie contribute anything to the trip? If so, then you’re even more of a jerk to ask him not to go/for you to go without him.

“I decided to protect Charlie, and avoid a lot of potential inconveniences for him and the rest of the group. I asked Charlie if we could take this trip without him.” – Nonsense.

You weren’t protecting him by asking him not to go; who the heck are you really trying to kid here? Everyone else or yourself?

The reality is that you wanted to go on this trip and you see his narcolepsy as a problem.

Tbh you view HIM as a problem. It’s obvious in the way you talk about him; so why are you even with him?

Have the decency to end the relationship and let him go find someone who truly gives a crap about him…

If not I hope he sees this and ends the relationship himself; he deserves better.” Relevant_Birthday_89

Another User Comments:

“Deciding for someone else, that you think their medical condition is “too much” to deal with without once even asking them if there could be an issue, is textbook ableism and prejudice.

You are infantilizing him, treating him like he’s so incompetent at basic living that he can’t even manage to judge what situations might cause the kind of stress that could set him off.

You then lied to him about everything, with your stated reasoning being more that you didn’t feel competent to help him. You’re right in that sense, you are incapable of caring and supporting your partner in relation to his medical condition, but that is 100% down to your behavior and attitude and nothing about his actual condition.

You are discriminating against him, you are a liar and you are currently not fit to be romantically involved with someone with a medical condition.

YTJ.” zealous-grasschoice

Another User Comments:

“YTJ – his condition is a part of the deal with being with him.

You can by all means ask him to help you come up with strategies for managing it if something happens. You can very reasonably express concern for his safety or your own (or that of anyone else in the group).

You can say that you would like to have some support in managing things if he’s unconscious at the time. You can ask him what his needs are and see whether there’s any way to meet them.

But to exclude him based on your suppositions of what might happen instead of talking to him and including him in the decision is indeed ableist in the extreme.

You’re not really thinking of him here, you’re concerned for yourself.

About half the people I know are women of 5’4 or below and some of the strongest and most capable people – both mentally and physically – that you’ll ever hope to meet.

The difference between them and you is that instead of seeing themselves as potential victims and trying to control others into behaving in ways that ensure they never have to meet even the slightest challenge, they focus their energy on being prepared for difficulties and planning to mitigate them.

But you don’t wanna.

The difference between a weak person and a strong person isn’t their physical state or their emotional capability; it’s the choices they make and whether they opt to back away from adversity or conquer it in the best ways they can.

Charlie’s been dealing with and living with his condition for years and years. You’ve decided it’s an inconvenient part of him that you can just cut off when you don’t like it.

But chronic health problems don’t work like that so what you’re really doing is rejecting Charlie himself.

Holidays are supposed to be relaxing; your real concern here is not that Charlie won’t find his holiday relaxing enough to mitigate his condition and will therefore have a flare-up – it’s that his being there will make your holiday marginally less relaxing.

And that’s what inclusion is all about – it’s on you as the non-disabled person to do the extra work to include your loved one and his condition because he already has enough to deal with.

And if you’re not willing, then you’re not a good enough partner for him; he deserves much better.

Also: Spain isn’t the back end of nowhere. Medical care there is excellent should the need arise, but you sound like the kind of person who won’t do the bare minimum to learn how to call an ambulancia should the need arise.

The rest of your party is just as much at risk as you or Charlie if you’re this clueless in an emergency. And Charlie is just as safe there as he is at home. So you’re sounding kinda racist or at best ignorant too here.” redcore4

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Grish 2 months ago
YTJ, and honestly, really why are you with him if his disability is that much of an issue for you? It’s not going to go away. It’s always going to be an issue. Are you going to make him stay behind every time you want to do anything? If you are serious about the man you need to be on his side and learn to work with his disability. Having kids-stress, wedding-stress, family gatherings - stress. This isn’t going to change. Either let the poor man go and find someone who loves him and accepts him disability and all, or grow up- fast. Learn to deal.
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10. AITJ For Telling My Neighbors That I Don't Care About Their Horrible Living Situation?

They chose it.

“I know the title sounds bad but hear me out.

I recently relocated to Orlando from Miami. I moved to some apartments that most would consider really nice. Not high-end or anything but definitely nice.

Miami was just too expensive which is the reason for my move.

So because I work from home and have 2 dogs I wanted to get a 2 bedroom apartment. One that can be an office that I can work from and one for me to sleep.

After having my office in the same room I slept in, in my last home (still lived with my mom) it felt suffocating as if I never got to escape work.

This has been much better for me mentally and I feel like I’m actually leaving work after I close my laptop.

So I’ve been here about a month and recently saw a family moving in.

I’m very introverted so I didn’t introduce myself or anything. The only time I really ever have contact with anyone is when someone is walking their dog at the same time I am and our pups want to say hello to each other.

Very quick small talk and then we’re on our way.

Today as I was going back inside after walking my dogs I saw the wife and I just gave a friendly smile.

Nothing more. I decided I should throw the trash out before I clock in for the day just to get it out of the way. As I was walking back to my apartment the wife stopped me to introduce herself.

I introduced myself as well. She then asked if I lived with a girl or anything. I told her no, it’s just me and the pups. She gave me a strange look that I can only describe as annoyed.

She asked if my apartment had 2 bedrooms. I told her yes that there are 2 bedrooms. She asked me why I wanted 2 bedrooms when I live alone and explained to her the office/sleeping thing I mentioned above.

Now, this is the part where I may be the jerk. She said that it was really inconsiderate and rude to bigger families to take up a 2-bedroom apartment by myself.

That her family of 4 (husband, wife, 2 kids) has to share a 1 bedroom because people like me decide to steal the 2 bedroom apartments. I said that it sucks that you feel that way but there’s nothing I can do.

She said I should trade apartments with her. I thought she was joking so I just started laughing. Not a nervous laugh or anything I just genuinely found her suggestion hilarious.

I then said that her living situation doesn’t concern me and that if she wanted a 2-bedroom apartment she should have looked harder. She said she was going to report me to the building and I said that she should report me to Desantis (Florida governor) while she’s at it.

I went inside and left her there screaming like a crazy person.

AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“Absolutely NTJ.

She sounds like one of these people who tries to make her own hardships everyone else’s fault and everyone else’s problem to solve.

And to be clear, I say that acknowledging that we have a number of messed up issues in this country as it relates to rent prices and inequality – that isn’t to dismiss those very real problems.

But her choices here are not how those problems are solved.

You were approved for the 2-bedroom apartment because the landlord/management company felt you met all of the qualifications for it – period, the end.

You didn’t steal anything, least of all from her.

I won’t try to untangle her argument of what she thinks reporting you to the management is even going to do except make them laugh at her too, but please do know that you did nothing wrong here and you don’t owe ANYONE an explanation of where you have chosen to live or why.

But I would definitely keep that doorbell camera turned on and make sure you have the ability to save footage, just in case. If she is the type of person I suspect she is, you haven’t heard the last of this.

Good luck.” hannahsflora

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. I’m sorry, but if she got offended that you got a two-bedroom apartment and she didn’t, why didn’t she go to different apartment complexes? I’m sure they’re not living in a one-bedroom apartment due to her not finding one, because I’m sure there are many vacant 2- and 3-bedroom apartments around the area, as long as the price is right (which I suspect is why she couldn’t get an apartment with more bedrooms), and she had the nerve to suggest you should switch apartments.

Will you be switching the rent with her (and pay for a smaller apartment)?

I’m sorry, but if you’re willing to pay more for an apartment, there should be no reason that she has to (a) single you out for having a bigger apartment and (b) be upset that her family can only live in a one-bedroom apartment.

If she wanted a bigger apartment, I’m sure she could’ve found one by paying the extra rent. Complaining about other people having more room doesn’t do anyone well, especially in a capitalistic society.” MiggyTennis

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Jigsaw1988 1 month ago
Most definitely NTJ. She sounds like a bitter woman who likes playing the victim. You didn't STEAL anything. And the part about her reporting you to DeSantis is absolutely hilarious!!
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9. AITJ For Telling My Infertile Sister I Hope She Never Gets Pregnant?

This story is totally not what I was expecting.

“I’m 22f. I have 3yo twin boys and I had a baby girl not even two days ago. My sister, Jodie, is 34 and has been suffering from infertility for the past 10 years, as well as repeated miscarriages.

I used to feel really bad for her and also a bit guilty as I got pregnant twice while being on contraception. It caused some tension between us when I was pregnant with my twins because she was jealous, and I was already feeling intense guilt.

This time around, she wasn’t as jealous but I still felt it was unfair.

As my husband and I have decided we are done having kids, I offered to be a surrogate for my sister as soon as I’m cleared after this baby, and she seemed like she was absolutely over the moon with that.

In turn, she offered to watch the twins while I was in labor with my new baby, which was a relief on my part.

I went into labor on Thursday morning, and Jodie came over to watch the kids while my husband and I went to the hospital.

She seemed like she was in a great mood, and promptly rushed us out the door.

Everything seemed fine until we got home this morning to find thousands worth of destruction to pretty much every baby item we’ve purchased.

Even the crib mattress was torn open. Everything was ruined. Jodie tried to pin it on the twins, but they’re 3, and this level of destruction had to have been done by an adult.

My twins can’t even reach some of the stuff that was destroyed, and they certainly do not know how to open diaper packages and tear them apart. I know kids, especially toddlers, can do a lot of damage in a short time but I also know my children aren’t capable of doing what happened.

I told my sister to get the heck out of my home and stay away from me and my family. I got really angry, and I said a lot of stuff I shouldn’t have, but one of them was, “I hope you never have a child, and if you do then I’ll tell it exactly what you’ve done to mine.” I told her we can’t afford to fix the damage she’s caused but since she still denies it, she won’t cough up.

I told her because of her the baby doesn’t even have a safe space to sleep.

My parents caught wind of what I said, and even after I explained the situation, they still think I’m being a jerk for saying something so vile to my sister “after all she’s done for us.” Obviously, my judgment is clouded, so am I the jerk?”

Another User Comments:

“”After all she’s done for us??”

AFTER ALL SHE HAS DONE FOR YOU?!

She destroyed THOUSANDS of dollars worth of baby stuff, to the point your daughter doesn’t even have a safe place to SLEEP.

a NEWBORN BABY DOESN’T HAVE A SAFE PLACE TO SLEEP. You know, that thing they do like 90% of the time when they are newborns??

Then for the icing on top of this crap cake, she tried to blame it on two THREE-YEAR-OLD CHILDREN.

She sounds unhinged and ABSOLUTELY shouldn’t have children.

And your parents are obviously favoring her, and enabling this psychosis.

NTJ, this is worthy of cutting contact if you wanted to, don’t feel guilty for HER psychotic behavior.

Your parents can stay in their lane and keep quiet. Actions have consequences and if she won’t be an adult and apologize then she can kick rocks.” Mental-Woodpecker300

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. But you seem to be under-reacting.

There is not a single way in all the world that 2 three-year-olds could do that kind of damage (and do that kind of damage undetected by the adult looking after them?!).

So stop trying to rationalize your sister’s claim and start responding to the fact that she is absolutely lying and absolutely the person who caused this damage.

You absolutely should document all the damage, all of it, and make a police report.

You absolutely should take your twins to be checked by the family doctor and check their emotional well-being.

As for any family members who want to make what you said the issue and not what your sister did, don’t treat that like a reasonable discussion.

Send them the photos of the wreckage asking if they are ok with this being done to their vulnerable toddler relatives. Every time they try to “poor sister” you, just send them photos of the damage.

I would never ever forgive someone who did this to my family. And I would never ever let them near my children again.

I can only imagine how devastating this must be, and how exhausted you must be with a newborn, but this needs to be dealt with decisively and swiftly.” dorafloradoodah

Another User Comments:

“I struggled with infertility all of my adult life.

Even tried four rounds of fertility medications, with no luck. I’m 43 now and have no kids. But honestly, I am perfectly okay with that as I have a few chronic illnesses that prevent me from leading a normal life or even holding a job.

(I am on Social Disability.)

But when my sister got pregnant with two kids of her own, I was OVER THE MOON happy for her! I bought her kids gifts (they’re both teenagers now, and I STILL give them Christmas gifts) and made sure I could help in any way I can.

I certainly did NOT go into a jealous rage and destroy her property. I looked FORWARD to being Aunt Cathy! Your sister needs some serious professional help.

Like I saw in a previous comment: File a police report. I would also take pictures of all the destruction and maybe even take her to small claims court.

NTJ.” ChronicallyCathy

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Pcogale 2 months ago
NTJ and I think you should take this further.

Your sister is acting like a psychopath and I'm quite concerned. It's like she may need a mental health assessment. I would consider taking photos and having her charge with malicious damage. This may get your items replaced under home and contents insurance (and insurance will chase her for the money possibly).

Never leave her alone with your children and I agree with taking them to the doctor for a check up. Especially if their behaviour is different since your sister was there.

Don't expect your mother to support you with how she reacted to you about what happened. She expects you to let this go and let your sister do whatever she wants. In conversations with your mother, just say you are very concerned about your sisters mental health and she needs to see someone if she isn't already. I would keep away from her and never leave your children alone with her in any context ie if your sister is at your mothers when you visit then don't even go to the bathroom without them.

Guess you won't be a surrogate for her after this. The other thing is that sometimes when you have so much infertility, that if a child is created or they manage to adopt a newborn, that the romanticised notion of what being a parent is like is shattered very quickly. This can lead to a massive mental health crash that can be dangerous to both the mother and child or the child ends up being punished by all sorts of different means including neglect.
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8. AITJ For Being Disappointed That My Wealthy Partner Got Me A Cheap Gift?

“My (21F) partner (21M) comes from a wealthy family, and I am from a middle-class family. His family went on a cruise, and all the siblings and their SOs came along.

I was happy to be there and very grateful that his parents invited me.

At one point, everyone was sitting down together and my partner started bringing out gifts. His parents and siblings and their SOs got things like watches, dresses, and other clearly expensive things.

When he got to me, he gave me one of those plastic bracelets with their company name on it. You can get those at the company’s main headquarters for free.

I was a little taken aback and a little embarrassed but didn’t want to be rude.

Everyone was kind of looking at me in a way that they were both amused and also pitiful. I didn’t want to complain so I said thanks and moved on. When we got inside, I asked my man what that was about and he told me to be grateful and stop complaining because he always gets me nice gifts, which is true.

I just stopped pushing it because I felt like I was being selfish there and he did have a point.

I feel like what he did was very degrading. He could’ve gotten me no gift at all and that would’ve been less humiliating.

I feel like trash for feeling this way, but he’s always been mindful and I don’t understand why he did that. It made me feel cheap in front of everyone.

I don’t know, AITJ for feeling this way and even bringing it up?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ but you definitely need to talk to your partner about this.

Maybe someone in the family or even a relative has pointed out to him that he’s overspending on you, and he made a public display of underspending to signal to this person that the advice was noted, especially if he’s not really making that much income himself yet to justify the spending.

Because if he is overspending on you or just in general, then he does need to cut back. And either he is embarrassed to admit to the overspending and/or doesn’t want to cut back, or he’s afraid of your reaction if he does.

That could be the bigger issue here.

Still, it’s terrible that he went through that whole charade. It embarrassed you, which you did not deserve, and he isn’t really fooling anybody. Good for you for being gracious about it when it happened.

Unless you’re rich yourself, you will have to live with some people thinking you’re a fortune hunter because you’re with someone rich. It’s just part of the territory. As long as they’re not rude to you, it’s fine.

They’re entitled to their thoughts. People with wealth are always being targeted and smooched off of and it’s not easy to tell who genuinely cares for them or just mostly for their bank account.” pieogdp

Another User Comments:

“YTJ.

You acknowledge that he gets you nice gifts all the time but you basically asked “Why didn’t you get me another nice gift while I’m on a cruise that your family is paying for?” You sound highly ungrateful.

I’m surprised he didn’t just tell you to screw off. Go tell him you’re sorry you sounded like an ungrateful brat and you know that you love all the other gifts he’s given you in the past.” Maleficent_Ad_7617

Another User Comments:

“NTJ simply stop mentioning it and behave as if nothing has happened.

Personally, I loathe these types of tests, but you too can use this situation as a test.

This goes into your vault. This entire event. In the vault. You don’t mention it, you don’t readdress it, you barely remember it if he asked.

You simply say “what’s that? Bracelet? Oh, I thought it was a quirky gift that was very interesting, not something I’ve dwelled on” and then brightly change the subject.

This isn’t a big deal, because you don’t have any of the information concerning this situation.

So you must let it go, but keep in mind there is this “thing” that may resurface with him, by him running this play again.

If another “test” happens, you can be prepared.

You can decide if you want to, respond with a joke, “oh, it’s a plastic foot file, which is either a gigantic hint about me needing a pedicure, or I, being reminded again that I’m not yet part of the family” and then just smile brightly, and pretend to scuff up your heel.

No big deal.

OR you address it head-on, “oh testing my level of gold-diggery with a lesser gift to, gauge my reaction, how many years do I need to go out with you before I’m trusted to not love you for the gifts you buy me?” And then just stare at him.

Don’t look away, don’t feel guilty, don’t be angry, simply state a fact.

Depending on which way you choose, you will need practice. You will need to practice, without crying during this interaction.

Maybe if you practice 100 times, you can be ready.

This will happen again. You need to be ready. You will need to decide what to do before it happens again. But you can’t bring it up beforehand, because then, you will be judged as caring only about his bank account.

You need to react in the moment to start a conversation.

Good luck.

PS he may be proposing soon and wanted to test your reaction in front of family. It’s a nonsense move, but it’s possible. Be ready.” PerkyLurkey

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dam 2 months ago
There was actually an update on Reddit... UPDATE

Hey everyone!

Thanks for all your comments and theories. Some of them made me cry, some of them made me laugh, and some of them made me angry and confused. All of them helped me gain confidence to talk to my boyfriend about the situation.

I straight up asked him about what went though his mind when he did that. I told him I’ve been thinking about it ever since we came back from the trip. Why was he even giving our gifts? Why did he give me that? Why did he think it was okay?

Actually, no one on here guessed it right! Neither did I!

He was giving out gifts because he wanted to give me a big gift, and I was supposed to be the last one. He actually had managed to set up a day with me and this adorable cat I follow on TikTok. The owner lives close near the harbor where we’d be stopping, and I’ve loved this cat since 2020 when we first started curious. I still stalk the page regularly!

But the owner had backed out last minute, even after charging a thingy ton. We were supposed to meet soon, but now he didn’t have a gift for me and basically got scammed. He said what he did was stupid and he just took a bracelet out last minute to save face… but he realizes now it was stupid lol. As for his comment, he apologized and said he has no excuse. He said he was more angry with himself and the cat owner and took it out on me. I understood and forgave him because it was out of character and I know he just wanted to do something nice for me.

Alls well it ends well guys We’re moving past this! Sucks that I can’t meet that little kitty, but this is a story I’ll always remember
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7. AITJ For Siding With My Friend After He Had An Affair On His Wife?

“My (27M) friend (24M) and his wife have been married for 3 years and have two small babies.

Recently, another woman reached out to his wife to tell her that a few years back while they were living in separate states (he was in the military) they slept together.

This has caused a great deal of havoc to their marriage and things have been super tense.

However, the wife has been extremely toxic lately and although I understand she is hurt, she is taking advantage of this situation to get her way on everything.

Most recently, she basically guilt-tripped my friend into buying an expensive cat because in her words she “deserves it”. They already have 5 other cats and two small babies, and not a lot of economic resources to add another expensive cat into the mix.

My buddy agreed as a way to keep the peace. He’s trying to save his marriage, but at what cost? She’s doing whatever she wants (leaving him the kids to go out late, making him do extra work around the house even though he works a very physical job, and now the whole cat situation).

I told my wife the situation and how I think she’s being unreasonable but my wife says that his wife is probably very hurt and isn’t dealing well with all the emotions that come from finding out he had an affair.

As I said, I can empathize, but this is no excuse to treat my friend like dirt. There’s a healthy and unhealthy way to deal with the situation, and she’s choosing the unhealthy way to go about it and causing more damage.

My wife is now mad at me… she said she will take the wife’s side on everything and support her in whatever she needs. He’s the one that messed up after all, and he needs to deal with the consequences of his actions.

She says he SHOULD give her whatever she wants… But where do you even draw the line? When will he stop paying for a mistake from years ago??

This has now created a rift between me and my wife… but I don’t think I’m being the jerk here for taking my friend’s side.

Look, I know what he did was awful, but two wrongs don’t make a right and she’s just being spiteful and selfish, getting her way in everything she wants and guilting him into big decisions that will only hurt their family even more.”

Another User Comments:

“YTJ and sound like you’re perfectly ok with his affair and think his wife should just suck it up.

As someone that divorced my unfaithful ex, you have no idea what she’s going through or will CONTINUE to go through every time he deploys. He broke her trust. Now he has to deal with the consequences.

If a new kitty helps, then so be it.

However, you are 100% indicating to your own wife that this is no big deal and I wouldn’t be surprised if she starts watching you like a hawk.

The best thing you can do is butt out of their business and stop taking sides.

Your friend shouldn’t have slept with another woman. That’s just such a huge game-changer. He deserves what she dishes out at him.” Short-Classroom2559

Another User Comments:

“YTJ.

Your friend didn’t accidentally sleep with someone else. He made the choice to be unfaithful to his wife and put himself in this position. You siding with him is giving off the vibe (even if it’s unintentional) that you don’t think what he did was that bad or that he should face consequences for it.

Be real careful how your wife is seeing your defense and what it says about your morals.

As for the “punishing”. They’ve been married for three years and have two small kids.

So likely we’re looking at two under two (or pretty close) right? Should she be doing the physical labor of the household when she gets home from work or is she staying at home due to daycare costs? What is “extra work” and why is it that you think your friend shouldn’t have to do it? Is he, gasp, doing laundry? Mowing the lawn? Or horrors of horrors, doing dishes!? Maybe even cooking to help feed his family!? I sincerely hope bath time isn’t counted as extra work.

He watches his own kids so she can get a break? Your poor wife if you ever have kids if this is seen as a punishment to you.

Parents do “extra” work even when they hold a job.

Because it’s not extra. It’s what needs to be done.

Would I want 6 cats? No. But if the actual “punishment” is one more cat, I assure you that your friend got off easy.

Want to guess what a divorce, childcare, and child support would cost him?” angel2hi

Another User Comments:

“ESH.

You and your wife are turning someone else’s relationship woes into your own troubles. C’mon, you can see that’s foolish, right? Neither of you should be that invested in this.

You need to be a team that puts each other first, not so invested in being right that you destroy what is between you. You sound like you’re both being obstinate and argumentative, caring more about who’s right than about taking care of each other.

Your friend and his wife are a terrific case of two wrongs don’t make a right. They need to decide whether they want to make things work, and if so, they need therapy.

Jerks all around.” KaliTheBlaze

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DebbyT 2 months ago
Wow. The people here taking 'sides'. This is easy, because I don't care if the person is your friend, your sibling, or your parent. You have absolutely NO business sticking your nose in other people's personal marriage problems. Nope. Notta. Tend your own garden and repeat after me..."Not my circus, Not my monkeys". Live by it.
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6. AITJ For Leaving My Sister's Wedding Ceremony Early?

They had a valid reason to leave.

“My (F) sister got married on Friday.

She and I are twins, so we are very close and best friends. She is child-free and I have 2 kids (3M and 1M).

Obviously, she loves her nephews, she never mistreated them, but she is not a person who would accept being a babysitter for a day. She has never offered to help with anything, though it’s her choice and I respect it.

Not surprisingly, her marriage was child-free even for the family. She asked me to be her MOH and I accepted.

I was responsible for a few things at the ceremony and party, nothing complex, but I asked another bridesmaid for help, so she was also on top of everything.

My children stayed with my in-laws while my husband and I went to the wedding.

About 10 minutes before everything started (I was there for 2 hours), my in-laws called saying that my youngest hit his head while playing with my oldest and that they were taking him to the hospital.

I despaired, even though they said he was conscious, my heart was not at peace nor was my husband’s, so we decided to go to the hospital. I talked to the bridesmaid and explained everything I had to do, she accepted and when it was time to talk to my sister, she had a meltdown saying that I couldn’t go at the most important moment in her life and if I was choosing him instead her.

I got really irritated and said, “Yes, I choose my son in the hospital.” I left with her cursing me.

My son is fine, but he got 2 stitches, without any internal trauma (they did exams), but we only left the hospital the other day, because they preferred to put him under observation because he’s very young.

I preferred to stay away from my cell phone just like my husband.

When I got home, several calls from different people and I answered when I saw my sister’s.

She asked before how my son was and when she learned that it was a minor injury, she started screaming saying that I abandoned her at the most important moment in her life and that she was without a family in her own marriage (no parents and grandparents).

I left my responsibilities to a person who did everything wrong and caused an embarrassment and to make matters worse, I didn’t even want to show up since my husband could stay in the hospital while I would at least share this moment with her.

She called me several names until my husband took the cell phone out of my hand and told her to screw off.

I really could have at least gone to the party, but I wasn’t going to make it knowing my baby is in the hospital.

I can’t help but feel bad for my sister.

AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ.

We are child-free and at our wedding, the best man of my husband had to leave because his wife was suffering from mastitis.

She called and said she could not stand the pain anymore, so he (of course) went home to take care of the child and bring his wife to a doctor. The only thing we did was pack him up with food, cake, and coffee for his drive.

It doesn’t make him less of a friend because he could not be there. But it would us make less of friends if we wouldn’t do everything to help them. So it should work with family, your sister should be happy that her nephew is alright.” ImmovsETF

Another User Comments:

“NTJ overall but a sprinkling of ESH and I’m glad your youngest was ok.

However, I’m not quite understanding the YTJs.

A head injury to a one-year-old child, while incredibly common, can be a serious issue and deserves to be checked out by a medical professional as the skull is still forming between 9-18 months old.

Your child is your priority and it is completely normal and natural to want to be with your child and make sure they are ok. You also didn’t just leave the wedding, you went and told your sister what the situation was and why you were leaving and while it was understandable she was upset (because it’s her wedding day), her response was jerkish.

I think it’s unreasonable for a grown woman to be asking her sister if she’s choosing her BABY over her. Of course, you’re going to choose your child because they’re YOUR CHILD.

Did she ask how he was at all when you said you were going to the hospital? Or did she just ask you if you were choosing him over her? Because that might be interesting to think about.

However, I do think that after your family had been made aware that it was a minor injury, while you didn’t necessarily need to go back to the wedding, maybe you could have texted your sister with an update? Or video called her to check in with how she was doing at her wedding? Or have dropped by for an hour or something if the venue wasn’t too far and managed your anxiety? But hindsight is a blessing as they say and you did what you felt was in the best interests of your child at the moment.

Your sister screaming that you abandoned her is a very strong reaction when your child had a head injury, which thankfully was minor, but you didn’t know that at the time.

If this is common behavior for your sister (and not just wedding overwhelm and anxiety), it might be worth reflecting if you need to bring in some boundaries as it sounds like she felt she couldn’t cope without you.” definitely-someone-1

Another User Comments:

“In hindsight, you could’ve sent your husband, completed the ceremony, and then rushed to the hospital as you knew it was not a serious injury.

I’ve got two children of my own and a sister, before anyone accuses me of not understanding the emotion of the situation.

Your sister was without anyone in her family at the ceremony and it sounds like that meant a lot to her.

To be fair I’m not sure what information you received before the ceremony started, how hysterically it was communicated to you, and how capable your husband is. Regardless of any of that, you are not the jerk.

Honestly, your sister’s reaction is very much over the top. But I just attended a wedding this weekend and I really really understand how insanely pressured the bride can be at that point.

So my overall judgment is no jerks here. Everybody was upset, everybody was in crisis, probably there was a real lack of information floating around. I really understand your desire to fly to your child’s side and stay there.

I don’t think either you or your sister suck! Your feelings are both so understandable. I really hope your family gets over it and doesn’t feel guilty. I hope you and your sister can calm down and give each other a hug and see each other’s points of view. What a gosh darn terrible situation to be thrust into.

NTJ.” violetrosesnyc

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Beenthruit 1 month ago
NTJ. Your child's welfare is far more important than your sister's wedding.
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5. AITJ For Asking My Sister To Give Me Some Of Our Late Mother's Jewelry To Give To My Partner?

“I have recently gotten into an ugly fight with my sister over our mother’s jewelry collection. She passed away a few years ago and had a pretty big collection my dad said must have been worth around 30-40k.

When my mom passed, my sister took all of her jewelry and has had it in her apartment ever since. At the time, I didn’t think that much about it but now I have been seeing someone for a year, and it’s gotten really serious and I intend on marrying her one day.

I know some of the pieces would suit my girl really well, specifically the pearl jewelry which I know she would love and it bothers me that my sister just took the entire collection without thinking maybe I would want to give some of the stuff to my future wife or daughters.

My mother didn’t have a Will so there is nothing to refer to in terms of a legal agreement however I was always much closer to my mom and my sister was a lot closer to my dad.

I finally decided to talk to my sister about it and asked her if she took all of our mom’s jewelry, and she said yes, so I asked her if I could have a few pieces to give to my girl one day when we get engaged or married.

She immediately said no and said it was all hers and that she couldn’t believe I would even ask. We ended up getting into a really heated argument about it and I reminded her that we both had the same mother, I was always closer to my mom growing up, and that I didn’t have anything of hers to hold on to or pass on to my own family.

I also said I wasn’t asking for the whole collection or even to split it 50/50, I just wanted a few pieces, specifically the pearl jewelry.

Her argument was basically that she was the daughter and jewelry goes to the daughter, not the son and that she’s not going to give any of “her” family jewelry to a girl that probably won’t even last.

She told me I was disgusting for even asking and my girl has absolutely no right to it. She kicked me out of her apartment, and a few hours later, I’m getting text messages from family members asking why my girl thinks she’s entitled to my sister’s jewelry.

To clarify, I don’t think my girl is entitled and she hasn’t asked, she doesn’t even know about it, I think that I am entitled to at least a few of the things in what was probably a 30-piece collection.

I was way closer to my mother and I don’t think it’s uncommon for men to give their future wives or daughters family jewelry.

My dad waded in and took my sister’s side and they are all making it sound like my girl is demanding my mom’s jewelry out of my sister’s hands.

Everyone is saying I don’t have the right to ask my sister to give her stuff to my girl, but I just don’t see it as my sister’s belongings, and again, I don’t want everything, I specifically want 5 pieces but I would settle for 3.

I have never seen my sister wear our mother’s pearls to anything so it’s not like she’s attached to them.

So am I the jerk for asking her to give me some of our mom’s jewelry?”

Another User Comments:

“I think if you had asked for them for yourself, or when you were actually engaged/married I would feel differently.

But that you asked now, and threw in the engaged/married comment as an afterthought is not good.

If you had wanted them as sentimental items I would be on your side. But you don’t.

You want them as a gift for your girl. They have no sentimental value to you and neither your father nor your sister has any guarantee that you would put measures into place to keep those pieces in the family should you break up with your partner.

Further your opinion that you were closer to your mother is irrelevant. Also, it’s a biased opinion. Further, your father thinks your sister should have her mother’s jewelry. If your mother died intestate everything she owns belongs to your father and was his to gift/pass on as he saw fit.

It’s interesting that people think the mother’s jewelry shouldn’t be given to the daughter.

I’ve seen a lot of posts about daughters wanting shares of watches/cuff links/etc and everyone insists that those are for sons only.

Funny how boys get to keep the benefits of traditional inheritance rules, but girls don’t.

YTJ because you have no sentimental attachment to the jewelry and want it anyway.” winsomebunny

Another User Comments:

“ESH.

You had no interest in your mom’s jewelry until recently. Your sister has had it for YEARS. It’s not about wanting something of your mom’s to remember her by, it’s about you wanting to give your girl very nice expensive jewelry, that’s why you mentioned the cost and are going for the pearls.

You being “closer” to your mom isn’t relevant.

You aren’t engaged or married.

Your sister’s reasoning of why she should get all the jewelry is off. You are also entitled to have your mother’s belongings but you’re going about this all wrong.” UhLeXSauce

Another User Comments:

“YTJ.

If there was no will, then most places default to the spouse owning everything when someone dies. So legally, the items belonged to your father.

Due to your sister not hiding the fact she has these items, it would seem your father was 100% okay with her taking them.

That means they were legally given to your sister at the time of your mother’s death. So legally the stuff belongs to your sister and has for years.

You didn’t contest at the time of the death.

You didn’t want anything from your mother’s collection until you got a girl. Then suddenly you want to impress her with something that belonged to your mother, someone she has never met.

Your sister might have been greedy to take all the jewelry, but she did. Her father let her have it. She might not have been as close to your mother (as you think) but that doesn’t mean it has any less value to her.

Your girl has never met your mother. You could get her any generic pearls and it would still have the same meaning to her as ones from your mom. But your sister cannot get pearls her mother owned before.

You didn’t want the stuff until you got a girl, which makes me think it was not important to your relationship with your mom. So I think you are a jerk for only caring when it can be used to impress someone who has no tie or sentimental feeling about your mom and her things.” Jazzlike_Crew_3956

Another User Comments:

“I’m going with soft YTJ.

Here’s why:

You haven’t known this girl all that long…and even if you did, she’s not your wife. You also mentioned that the jewelry collection probably ranges from about 30-40 GRAND and your sister has a total of 30 pieces.

If that’s the case, each piece of jewelry is ranging to be about 1k each…I understand why your family would be skeptical.

Not even bothering with the price though…your mom passed away a few years ago and you never cared about the jewelry until now.

I would also be uneasy if my brother decided after all these years of not caring about the jewelry, that he wanted to give it to his girl. It does sound a bit out of the blue and you need to make it 100% clear to your family that your girl knows NOTHING about the jewelry, otherwise, you are unintentionally making her look bad (and semi-gold-diggerish).

Overall, I don’t know man. It’s a tough situation. You’re asking your sister to give away some of the only items that she has left from your mother to another girl who has no relationship with said mother.

I get why you want to, I really do, but if there was nothing in the will about something being passed on like a “family heirloom” to your future spouse, I think it’s a tough situation.

As a girl who was a lot closer to her dad, that didn’t mean I had less love for my mother than him. I’m only bringing this up cause you say she was closer to your dad while you were closer to your mom.

Even then, I couldn’t imagine giving away my mother’s jewelry. Sometimes, it’s the only way I still feel connected with her. I think it would be a different situation if some of the jewelry was meant specifically for you.” xolindsaye

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Pcogale 2 months ago
YTJ in this situation. You have had no interest in the jewellery until now.

However, if you were asking for your daughter... then that's a different story. That would be her grandmothers jewellery. Your girlfriend has no real connection to the jewellery and I'm not even sure she would really want it to wear it because there is no heritage.
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4. AITJ For Not Wanting My Husband To Attend His Female Best Friend's Wedding?

“God, talk about a bad situation. This has been a massive rough patch in our relationship and I don’t know how much I am to blame. I (F27) met my husband Roger (M25) five years ago at college, and we started seeing each other, met each other’s families and friends, and got married last year.

One of Roger’s best friends is Camilla (F26), as they met junior year of high school. Roger had unreturned feelings for Camilla for like over 2 years before he got over her.

Five months later is when he met me. I’d be lying if I said I didn’t have my issues and insecurities with Camilla in the beginning. I was already wary of Roger’s previous feelings, and Camilla rarely ever tried to initiate conversation and just acted nervous with me.

On top of that, Camilla acted touchy with Roger (hands around waists during photos or bops on the head or shoulder), and while she’s touchy with ALL her friends, it felt hecka inappropriate and disrespectful.

I politely asked Camilla to stop, and she apologized but got defensive. An argument happened, and we were always on iffy to okay terms after that. Our friends all knew it too.

Roger assured me he loved me and had no feelings for Camilla, and I continued to trust him after that.

Over a year ago, Camilla got engaged to her partner of now three years, Lucas (M26).

However, my parents announced a month ago that they planned and paid for a surprise visit for the family to go to New York in early September. My dad is going down there to meet some college friends, and he figured it’d be fun for everyone to go down that weekend.

Excited, I told Roger last night we had to go, but he reminded me that Camilla’s wedding was that weekend (Roger said he and Camilla and their friends also wanted to watch season 5 of some show called Cobra Kai?) and that he had already told her we would both go.

Frustrated, I told Roger that I was already willing to go in the first place despite the fact that Camilla and I don’t get along, and I was only doing it for him.

I knew how much of a history the two had and how close they stayed, so I genuinely did understand. However, I told Roger that family commitments have to come first and that he can’t disrespect me and my family by turning this trip down.

Roger said that he was sorry, but Camilla’s been there for him since they were teenagers, and that he didn’t want to miss the special day of one of his best friends getting married.

I cried a little, as it seemed he was prioritizing this one girl he KNOWS gets under my skin over his own wife and in-laws. This led to a really bad fight, and Roger packed his bag and left the house.

My parents respect Roger’s decision, but my brother and SIL agree with me that Roger should come. My friends are split on this, and Roger’s been staying at a buddy’s house since last night.

Some of Roger’s friends have texted me that I’m being unreasonable and selfish, but Camilla and Lucas have not said anything to me. AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“YTJ.

Your insecurities are yours alone to work on.

And you really should work on them or they’ll bite you in the butt one day and you’ll be all alone.

The date of the wedding was already set way before that trip came up and even if not, of course your husband will prioritize the wedding of his best friend over a trip that could be done anytime.

You got mad over nothing and are trying to use this trip to avoid seeing the friend on her wedding day. But at what cost?

Realize that you are the problem in this scenario.

Apologize to your husband and seek the help you need to work on your issues.” Willing-Rip-8761

Another User Comments:

“YTJ.

Despite your insistence otherwise, your insecurities over/dislike of Camilla have EVERYTHING to do with this situation and your jerk status.

Time to face the music regarding Camilla and your husband: If Camilla had wanted your husband, she could have had him long ago, just as he could have had her long ago if that is what he wanted.

This wedding was almost certainly planned months ago – and your husband has had the invitation almost as long. Your family’s trip just popped up in the last month – which means that the wedding is your husband’s prior commitment – especially if he has a prominent role in the wedding.

Best friends in many cases count as family because in many cases people will be closer to their best friend than many of their blood relatives; not to mention the fact that for many people their best friend will go farther out on a limb to help them than many blood relatives would.

While it is somewhat of a jerk move for you alone to cancel on going to the wedding in order to be with your family it is a MASSIVE jerk move to insist that your husband cancel going to his best friend’s wedding just to go on a spur of the moment trip with your family.

Something tells me that you schemed with your parents to cook up this “family trip” as an excuse to keep your husband from going to Camilla’s wedding.” TexasRedJames1974

Another User Comments:

“YTJ.

When you got married did you have surgery to attach him to your hip? It is OK to do stuff without your significant other.

The practicalities are this: the wedding date/invite/RSVP came first. The surprise vacation dates came second, after you had committed to attending the wedding. People can’t plan surprise vacations for other people and get put off when those other people have other plans already on the books.

If you want to go with your family to New York then do that. Your husband (who I am, again, assuming is not surgically attached to you) wants to go to the wedding and see his friends, a commitment he made before the surprise vacation.

I see no problem with you two doing your own thing.” Accomplished-Dog3715

Another User Comments:

“YTJ, sorry.

I understand insecurity and jealousy, and I get you’re trying to keep it under control I also get slipping up, but this is one of the slip-ups.

A wedding you’ve signed to attend months in advance, to a person who has emotional platonic significance to your husband, is objectively more important than your dad’s one-month-out college buddy hangout.

That’s like 3 degrees of importance removed, and her obligation also came significantly beforehand, with significantly more cost to her if you skip out. If your insecurities were light enough that you could attend her wedding WITHOUT a prior engagement, then they no longer allow you to break this current obligation.

Saying it’s about a family event is nonsense and u know it, buddy. It’s not a family event, it’s a friend hangout with no particular significance, and it’s not even your friends.

He’s not hurting anyone by not coming. The wedding, in contrast, is a one-time event for her, and you Will be hurting someone by not coming, at the very least fiscally.

You owe this to both your partner and Camilla, even if you don’t like her and even if you think she is nefarious – unless you are convinced she will actively openly and/or successfully sabotage you, which I’m pretty sure you don’t think will happen given that you agreed in the first place. At most, it will be unpleasant.” IllustriousCassowary

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Foofer 2 months ago
Yes you are a jerk. Referse your roles-- If you had a guy friend getting married, and your husband tried to stop you...what would you say. You need to work on trust issues, securities. trust your husband, has he ever cheated/given a reason NOT to trust him?
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3. AITJ For Calling My Fiancee A Brizezilla?

“So I’m currently stuck in the middle of my mom and my future wife, and while I know I should really be on my fiancee’s side, I’m kind of on my mom’s.

My fiancee and I have been planning our wedding for a year, and my mom got engaged five months ago. The venue she liked had an opening two weeks before our wedding, so she took it.

My mom has the finances/connections to get stuff done fast and just could put a wedding together that quickly. She also didn’t want to wait until next spring/summer as we live somewhere with four seasons.

When my fiancee found out she was furious. She screamed at my mom that she is psycho and pathetic. She ended up bursting into tears and I tried to calm her down.

The thing is there will not be a single overlapping guest, so I really don’t see the issue. My mom even specified we don’t have to come if it is inconvenient.

My fiancee thinks it is wrong and attention-seeking, but I feel like other people have lives and we don’t get a whole month. All of the family invited to our wedding is not invited to hers.

I ended up telling her to stop yelling at my mom and being a bridezilla. I asked her to apologize to my mom for the name-calling, but ultimately didn’t push it as she didn’t want to and my mom’s fiance was laughing which I didn’t like.

My fiancee is currently furious with me and thinks I was spineless and failed to understand her perspective.”

Another User Comments:

“Yes, a wedding is just one day, but typically people who know each other – especially those who are family – try to steer clear of planning major events in quick succession like your mom is doing, out of respect.

When my SO and I were planning our wedding, we decided on a minimum of a six-week gap between a cousin’s wedding (who had been planning a year ahead of us) and ours.

Even if the guest lists don’t overlap and just the main couples do, planning a wedding is STRESSFUL and so is planning everything to attend someone else’s! I can’t imagine doing a major event within two weeks of my own wedding.

My brain would have been absolutely fried. Idk. I don’t know how many of you have ever planned a wedding. I’m super chill, and it was torment even for me.

Also, to the people who say that a wedding is “your special day”? Um.

Excuse me. No. A wedding is, and has always been, for the families. Doesn’t have to be the blood family per se, but weddings are for the tribe not for the couple.

The marriage is for the couple. The celebration is to share a moment in time with the people in your life. I really don’t understand folks who say “it’s your day” at all.

Ergo, momma in this situation isn’t being as respectful as she should be.

I literally don’t know a single person who would plan their wedding two weeks ahead of a loved one’s.

Boundaries!

Your mom is the jerk. Your fiancée should have learned by now though that this is how it’s going to be with MIL. And you kind of suck for not recognizing any of this.” Background_Trifle866

Another User Comments:

“NTJ, if your mom is earnestly just securing the spot that just HAPPENS to be around your wedding.

Does your wife have any past issues with your mom? Calling her a psycho is a very big accusation in my opinion. Like I’d have to be very upset at someone to call them that.

Maybe the stress is getting to your wife and maybe instead of calling her a bridezilla ask why she thinks the way she thinks without judging.

“Sorry that I called you a bridezilla.

But I want to figure this out. Can you tell me why you are upset and why you think my mom is trying to steal the attention?”

Ask her to give you exact and precise reasons or past examples of your mom doing similar things.

If you realize your wife may just be overwhelmed with the stress of planning and things (we all get overwhelmed) don’t judge her but tell her your mom is hurt and that it would be best if they talked and figured out a resolution.

And maybe be a mediator for them if need be.

While I agree with you. Your wife is going through some big emotions she’s having trouble dealing with. Immediately jumping to saying she’s being over dramatic or a bridezilla, maybe hear her out and genuinely listen to her even if you don’t agree and try to see things from her POV.

Unless she keeps acting like this after a calm approach would I fully label her as a jerk. Since, while not saying it’s ok to be a bridezilla, stress affects us all differently and maybe there’s something hurting her feelings that’s easily solvable.” runaround_fruitcop

Another User Comments:

“I don’t know, man…

Your mom like just got engaged and she just happened to find an opening two weeks before your wedding? That you have been planning a whole year??

You said in one comment that your mom is NC with the rest of the family….are you sure it’s not the other way around?

I’m going ESH.

On the one hand, it really shouldn’t be that big a deal… but on the other hand, it does seem like your mom, with her “connections” could have waited longer. There’s no fiance goblin that emerges in winter and harasses the betrothed, she could have opted for a different season, too, like, fall say??

In my opinion, your mom felt self-conscious about you getting married before she got remarried, and jumped the gun to make sure she was wed before your wedding.

Your fiancee is maybe a bit sensitive…but perhaps she also has the perception that your mom steps on toes to get her way/bring more attention to herself?” busstopthoughts

Another User Comments:

“You’re really going to marry someone who screamed at your mother like that?

Has your mother done anything in the past to cause bad blood with your fiancée?

I can’t think of much that would warrant that kind of outburst from your fiancée.

She sounds like a piece of work who has no care for your feelings or whether being rude to your mother might put you in a difficult position. I think that kind of outburst to one’s in-laws shows real disrespect to their partner.

She sounds like the type who would want to stop you from seeing your family.

The wedding date thing is such a nonissue. I’m attending the weddings of some family friends who are cousins soon.

One is next Friday and the other cousin is marrying the following week. They are not jealous of each other at all. In fact, they see it as an opportunity for everyone who couldn’t make it to still get together and enjoy each other’s company.

People need to remember that weddings are about the gathering of loved ones as much as celebrating the bride and groom.

You should remind your fiancée: absolutely no one cares about your wedding as much as you do.

No one is as excited about it and no one is going to remember it in the same way. It is not worth burning bridges with loved ones for the sake of a wedding. She is a bridezilla.” kingstonn11

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Pcogale 2 months ago
Your fiance is either very stressed about the perfect wedding or she has just shown you what she is really like and you may want to reconsider marrying her. Are there any other red flags that you've been ignoring?

I completely get where your mother is coming from. She's not competing with your wedding at all. She may not even wear a traditional wedding dress. Would your fiance care if your mom threw a dinner party at her house and then did a surprise wedding? Because it may be about the same venue - though with completely different guest lists it shouldn't make a difference. It says a lot that your mother doesn't mind if you don't attend if you can't (though that's a little concerning that she's not fussed if her child isn't there, or is this a compromise for your fiance to not be 'forced' to be there).

At the same time if it is about the venue then perhaps your mother should just find a different one.

Your fiances reaction is a lot bigger than what you would expect. Screaming at your mother is not appropriate but a strong conversation if she was concerned would have a bigger impact.
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2. AITJ For Judging My Sister For Wanting To Divorce Her Husband Over A Fake Ring?

“I (23F) have an older sister (29F) who is married to my BIL. My BIL seems to genuinely love her and they have never shown a sign of a failing relationship.

That was of course until yesterday when my sister phoned me while crying heavily.

I asked her what was wrong and she told me her friend who was a jeweler was suspicious of the ring my BIL gave to her, and urged her to confirm the material of the ring.

My sister continued and told me that the results showed that the ring was not made from diamond but in fact moissanite. She told me she didn’t tell her husband yet, but she is considering a divorce because she thought that my BIL didn’t really love her even though he supposedly had enough savings (I don’t know how much he has, so as of now, I can’t really confirm if he did or did not have the savings).

I told her it was pretty ridiculous to only divorce my BIL just because he bought her a fake ring. She sarcastically told me something along the lines of “Thanks for being so helpful” before hanging up.

I get she was in an emotional moment, but love shouldn’t revolve around a ring.

AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“Yeah, it would be the lying for me.

If he did this knowingly, your bil started a marriage with a falsehood.

He turned a moment that is generally iconic and memorable in the span of a relationship and showed just how little he cared about your sister by not only lying, ignoring her wishes for what she wanted for a ring but also essentially devaluing their relationship in the process.

Think about it. If your bil did this knowingly, he is fine with lying to your sister.

Does that sit well with you?

Would you like that from your own partner?

It’s crappy no matter how you split it.

I am not a materialistic person, but if my partner had lied to me about the ring he had custom-made, because he loves me so much he wanted to have it designed by a specialty jeweler, it would be foundation-shaking.

But it also opens another crappy can of worms.

If he lied about this, what else would/could he lie about?

Consider looking at this not through the lens of materialism or your understanding of their marriage/how long-term relationships work.

But through the lens of deceit.

This isn’t really about the fake ring.

This is about lying on one of the more important days of your sister’s life.

YTJ.” QueenofVelhartia

Another User Comments:

“Bear in mind that a lot of conventions go back to a time that middle/upper-class women were possessions of their fathers/husbands.

Almost the only thing of value they possessed were engagement rings and anything given to mark children’s births.

In the event they were widowed, the jewelry they could sell might be the difference between food on the table or starvation, or between a roof over her head or begging on the streets.

Even today, a valuable engagement ring may be the only thing a divorced/widowed woman has available to sell to raise funds.

So yes, sister is materialistic, but it’s coming from a place where generally women STILL often have fewer funds in and outside a relationship.

NTJ by the way OP, though probably tactless in the delivery. Not clear if BIL understood the difference between Moissanite diamond and ‘real’ diamond.” dragonsfriend-9271

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. She hasn’t talked to her husband yet – therefore, right now, she has no idea if he knowingly lied or if he might have been scammed before.

How can she make a fully informed decision when she hasn’t even told him or asked if he knew? I don’t blame you for telling her going straight to divorce is ridiculous.

Surely her marriage is worth more to her than assuming the worst-case scenario.

Also:

Amazing how many people assume the BIL lied and deliberately deceived OP’s sister. People even claim OP’s comments confirmed he lied.

They don’t.

OP’s comments say that her sister hasn’t said anything to the BIL yet – let alone asked if he knew it wasn’t a diamond ring. These comments assume he hasn’t scammed himself and claim he would’ve known by the price he paid.

Not everyone knows how to spot a moissanite ring or the going rate. Maybe he thought he was getting a bargain. Maybe anything – we don’t know because OP doesn’t know.” mamapielondon

Another User Comments:

“Assuming your BIL lied about what stone it was, then I actually completely understand why your sister is upset.

For instance, knowing that she wanted a diamond, he lied to her about what the stone was to “trick” her into accepting — and then he continued the lie throughout their marriage.

While you and others might consider her materialistic for specifically wanting a diamond, no marriage should start with a lie.

I say this having also been tricked by my ex when he proposed.

He went so far as to source a well-known jeweler’s box from eBay so he could hide his deceit and only came clean when I said I wanted to get it appraised for insurance.

I was always slightly suspicious of the stone he used because it didn’t look right for a diamond (yes, it is possible to visually tell the difference) but wrote off my hunch because he had the box.

I’ll probably get hate for this but I did not want a moissanite and made it very clear that if cost was an issue, I could either contribute or we could use a diamond from jewelry my family had offered.

My ex was extremely abusive, and in hindsight, the “fake” ring was an early sign of manipulation. I ultimately despised the ring because it represented a lie and instead of a symbol of love, it became a symbol of gross dishonesty.

YTJ for dismissing your sister’s feelings and not trying to empathize. Your BIL is the jerk for being a liar. Your sister is not the jerk for questioning what else her husband has lied to her about all these years.” pudgesquire

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Beenthruit 1 month ago
She's a materialistic, shallow, entitled brat
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1. AITJ For Making My Husband Stay With His Family Until He Gets A Job?

“My husband (32) and I (30) have been married for just over a year now and things couldn’t be rockier.

I have a good job and make a decent amount of income, whereas my husband made not as much as me.

Due to this, and the fact he was still living with his parents when we got married, we decided he would move in with me and I would continue to pay the rent and bills as long as he put something toward other things we may need as a couple.

My name is the only one on the lease.

However, once we got married, he started to cut down on his work hours without saying anything first. He gave the explanation that I made plenty of income for the both of us, so he could just work part-time and do the work around the house while I was the main breadwinner.

I was fine with this, a little upset that he had just assumed this would be okay but I didn’t say anything as this felt fair.

He did do some work around the house initially but spent the majority of his time going out to the bar, playing video games, etc.

to the point where I was the one both working and doing the cooking, cleaning, and other household chores.

My husband told me he was laid off two months ago for reasons out of his control.

I assumed at this time that he would begin job hunting, and I began to pay for everything.

While I do earn a decent amount of income, it’s not to the point where I can pay for rent, bills, groceries, insurance, contribute to emergency savings and finance the lifestyle my husband had started indulging in.

I began paying for his nights out, subbing him for trips to look for work, etc. all while I was under the assumption he would be searching for a new job.

At least to finance his hobbies.

About a week ago, I asked him how the job hunt was going and he told me that he didn’t feel like it was worth it.

He said to me that he was comfortable with what we had now and I wasn’t happy to say the least.

I confronted him about how I was doing everything to finance and take care of our household while he sat around and played video games (I was being a jerk here, I’ll admit), and during this argument, he let slip that he had actually quit and never looked for another job.

I was furious that he had lied to me and told him I didn’t want him in my home right now.

Fast forward to now. My in-laws are understanding to an extent but are calling me a jerk for not wanting him to come back home until he gets a job.

I have seen my husband during this time but never in our home, always out somewhere. I no longer pay for everything and his attitude toward me is making me question our entire relationship.

He’s calling me a jerk for doing this to him, and I’m beginning to think he’s right. Am I the jerk?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ.

And to everyone who’s saying divorce isn’t the answer here, I strongly disagree.

He lied to you about quitting in order to manipulate you into financing him fully. Any adult knows you don’t make decisions like that without at least consulting your spouse.

It’d be one thing if he quit and then told you right away.

But he purposefully constructed a lie to guide you to acceptance of his desire to not work.

He knew he should’ve discussed it with you, but chose manipulation instead. That is a dangerous foundation for a marriage.

What else does/will he lie about to get his way?

Being passively controlling is still a removal of your free will. Leave.

Edit: As many have pointed out, you may want to seek an annulment instead of a divorce to avoid him benefitting from you financially via divorce.

Grounds for annulment seem to vary by state — fraud may be grounds, but DO NOT LET HIM MOVE BACK IN, as this could hurt your case for an annulment. (Not a lawyer, just did some research).” AHuntedSnark

Another User Comments:

“ESH – but mostly him.

You got married and agreed to stay together through all the nonsense. That said, he is the source of the nonsense and is being irresponsible by not looking for another job.

I see where you’re coming from, but if you’re going to kick him out of your home, then you need to be prepared for divorce.” Different_Face_3242

Reply:

““In good times and bad” means the horrible things life throws at the two of you (illnesses, being fired, etc.), not a year of being lied to.

Nobody agrees to that and that’s not the “nonsense” they refer to in marriage vows.” meli_inthecity

Another User Comments:

“ESH. Obviously, he sucks, no reason to debate that.

But reasonable spouses don’t order the other spouse out of the house or play the “It’s my house, not yours” card.

He wasn’t a tenant (they pay rent) or a squatter or a house guest. Ordering him to leave is inappropriate.

Filing for divorce may be perfectly appropriate though. Talk to a lawyer about that.

The fact that the husband isn’t living in the house may be very beneficial to your chances of keeping the house, so at this point, if you think divorce is on the horizon, don’t let him back in before discussing that with a lawyer.” Curious_Solution_763

-2 points (2 votes)
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dam 2 months ago
Curious Solution above is delusional, and probably the OP's husband!!
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