People Beseech Our Opinions On Their "Am I The Jerk?" Stories

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It's easy to forgive someone who was rude one time, but it's a lot harder when the person in question is a serial jerk. That means the person has done you wrong multiple times and continues their jerkish behavior time and time again. In your mind, you might wonder how someone could keep doing the same terrible things that get them in trouble, but truthfully, some people just don't even know that they're being a jerk in the first place. That's where you come in to let them know their attitude needs to go. Read on and let us know who you think the jerk is. AITJ = Am I the jerk? NTJ = Not the jerk YTJ = You're the jerk WIBTJ = Would I be the jerk? EHS = Everyone here sucks

19. AITJ For Celebrating My Partner On Mother's Day Rather Than My Daughter's Mom?

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“I (28m) have a 6-year-old daughter Penny with my ex Diane (34f). Our relationship ended badly when Diane was unfaithful to me but I’ve always respected her as the mother of my child, and am 100% involved in my daughter’s life. I met my partner Lauren (27f) when Penny was about 1 and Lauren started becoming involved in her life about 6 months later after meeting Diane.

Diane and Lauren do not have a good relationship. Diane had harassed, attacked, and just been awful to Lauren for reasons I can not figure out. Lauren has gone no contact with Diane but Penny adores Lauren and vice versa. I will be honest I was not great with boundaries in the beginning and would often allow Diane to hold Penny over my head to get funds and basically control my life.

It caused a lot of problems between me and Lauren until I finally got a concrete court order which resulted in me having Penny the majority of the time.

Now Lauren is basically Penny’s second mom and does more for her than her own mother does, unfortunately. So this Mother’s Day I wanted to show her how much I appreciate her after everything she’s stuck around through.

I paid for her to get a luxury facial massage, took her to a new nice restaurant she’s been wanting to try, and bought her some nice gifts. Penny spent Mother’s Day with Diane of course and I gave her a card from Penny, and Lauren helped Penny make her a nice little painted jewelry box.

Diane used fake accounts to look at Lauren’s social media and saw everything we did and lost it saying she’s the real mother and it’s not fair she got celebrated since she’s not a real mom.

Her mother also called me yelling saying I’m an awful father. My sister told me it’s weird to celebrate someone on Mother’s Day who isn’t even a mother and it doesn’t make sense since we’re not married yet (because I wanted to figure out the legal custody stuff with Diane first). The rest of my family thinks I did a great thing but they hate Diane so yea, AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ.

You may not be married yet, but Lauren is serving a motherly role.

I was ready to say despite this, you were the jerk because, as parents, there is an obligation to teach your kids how to treat others. That means doing the holiday stuff with your kids for your ex. You did that though. You got a card for Penny to give her mom and helped Penny make her mom a gift.

Diane is jealous that she didn’t get totally spoiled and pampered. Is Diane taking you to dinner, getting you gifts, and paying for a special activity for you and Penny to do together on Father’s day? I would wager she had zero intentions of doing anything to help Penny celebrate you for Father’s Day. What does Diane do to help Penny celebrate your birthday or Christmas? Diane is jealous.

That’s a her problem. Make sure you keep supporting Penny in celebrating her mom, you are growing an awesome kid who knows how to show appreciation for people but ignore Diane and her jealousy.” Letters_from_summer

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Diane harassed, attacked, and has been awful to Lauren because she is ticked off as heck that you have found someone else and want to tank your relationship with her.

The Mother’s Day reaction is just a continuation of the same jealousy.

You have every right to celebrate Lauren and her motherly role to your daughter. Exes do not and should not expect to be celebrated by their ex-spouse for Mother’s/Father’s Day except for supporting the child to support the other parent. You did that and Diane is just a jealous, bitter woman.” Copper__Phoenix

Another User Comments:

“NTJ you made sure your daughter spent mother’s day with her bio mom, she had a card and gift appropriate for a 6-year-old.

How you celebrate in your free time is up to you and your ex is not entitled to anything from you in those regards. A mother is not just blood it is about who raises, nurtures, and teaches you. It sounds like Lauren fits the bill and even so you made sure Penny went to mom instead. If Diane continues to act like this there will be a mother’s day in the future that Penny chooses to stay with Lauren instead, she needs to appreciate the times now.” Helpful_Candidate_92

1 points (1 votes)
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Rock42 1 week ago
It sounds like you went above and beyond to buy a card and help your daughter make your exwife a gift after she was unfaithful and it sounds like shes not being much of a mom to your daughter as your new wife. From your explanation, she isnt a very good person and your new wife is with your daughter more. Shes just jealous. Dont listen to her. If she hadnt cheated and neglecting her child then it would have been her recieving the special treatment for mothers day. She screwed up and is now feeling the consequences. Dont feel a bit bad about celebrating who is playing more of a motherly roll in your daughters life. NTJ
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18. AITJ For Being Upset My Friend Rehomed One Of Her Puppies?

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“I (26F) found a box of 3 puppies abandoned on the side of the highway about 5 weeks ago and have spent the last 5 weeks looking after them, from bottle feeding them to weaning them and ensuring they grow healthily.

I have kept one myself but my friend (30F) decided she would love to have the other 2 – she already has 2 dogs and felt these would be a lovely addition.

I was okay with this, charged her a very small fee (it costs to raise puppies) for each – less than $50 because they’re mixed breeds and she’s been my friend for years, no part of me was trying to get money from this situation.

She took them home on Saturday.

Today (Monday) I’ve woken up to a message from her that she’s rehomed one with a friend of hers today because she’s having difficulty getting her dogs to accept him, whereas they’re fine with the other one.

I’m rather upset about this, all weekend she’s been telling me it’s going absolutely fine and if she’d have said it wasn’t, I’d have just taken the baby back and re-homed him myself (my MIL really wanted one but I’d promised them to my friend before I knew this).

I also think she’s thrown the dogs in at the deep end and hasn’t really tried to do a healthy introduction, it’s only been 2 days since they came home of course there could be some animosity? I slowly introduced my new puppy to my resident dogs over the course of their 5 weeks with me, and I still don’t leave them together without supervision.

I told my friend that she should have told me and I’d still come and get him tonight (She lives 2 hours away).

I said I’d give her her money back and that I am upset she’s re-homed him without telling me. I understand as soon as I gave him to her he’s not mine, but I would have taken him back in a heartbeat if I’d known – I’ve raised him from 3 weeks old and would rather he go to somebody I know so I can see him.

She replied that she can do what she wants with her dogs, it’s none of my business and I’m not even important to the puppy anyway so stop acting like I am, her exact words being ‘You are IRRELEVANT to him anyway.’

We’re now not speaking and I can’t see us coming back from it.

Some weird part of me feels she may have sold him on for more money because I can’t work out why she’s reacted so aggressively to me saying I wish she’d told me and offering to have him back.

I can’t tell if I’m the jerk or not for being upset that she rehomed her puppy without talking to me first?”

Another User Comments:

“Soft NTJ.

YOU raised them. YOU are the mom as far as they care.

I can definitely see how rehoming after two days is a huge problem for you emotionally.

They are/were hers, so yes you have no right to them. But I’ve been friends with someone for over ten years as well and will probably ask her to be a bridesmaid later down the line. It’s sort of an… unspoken thing. Like if she gave me an alarm system and I didn’t like it, I’d give it back to her for someone else to use.

Like… the pup is hers but there’s a particular level of respect in 10+ year-long relationships that says ‘Hey call her and let her know this isn’t working and ask if anyone can take this one puppy.’ If there’s no one, it’s her decision to rehome herself or give the puppy back.” tiredjusttired23

Another User Comments:

“ESH.

You did a good thing rescuing and rehoming puppies…

Your friend did a good thing adopting puppies.

2 days likely isn’t enough time to know how dogs will adjust to each other but you aren’t there to see what’s going on. You don’t know how extreme the situation is.

I get why you would have preferred that the friend came to you to re-home… Only she didn’t and wasn’t obligated to. And it wasn’t your business after she adopted the puppies. It was her business and she handled it.

What she said to you was cruel.

As you care a lot about the puppies… And used to be really important to the puppies as of two days ago.

I understand that you feel like you own the puppies even after rehoming them… And want to be able to see them every day even if you don’t own and care for the puppies every day. Gently, this is what rehoming puppies means… You won’t see them every day.

You might not ever see them again…and no one was obligated to tell you before rehoming the puppies.” JetItTogether

Another User Comments:

“YTJ.

If you had wanted to attach terms to the sale, you needed to tell her that in advance. You didn’t.

Professional trainers and many shelters recommend against placing two littermates together. They can develop behavior problems (Littermate Syndrome) if they remain together past the usual age of separation.

It wasn’t working out for whatever reason and she decided to rehome one of the pups to a friend – presuming someone local rather than a two-hour drive away.

Honestly, you sound a little bossy and possessive.

You’re judgmental about how she was working with them, you expected to stay in this puppy’s life indefinitely, you’re mad you weren’t consulted about this or that.. all of this can be super uncomfortable for the person who actually owns the dog.

You say you understand that when you rehome a dog it’s no longer yours. But you’re not acting like it. And you’re going to throw away a friendship with someone who you were so close with.

Really?” throwaway20698059

Another User Comments:

“NTJ.

It’s true, and I’m sure many people will tell you, that once you give away/’sell’ something it’s not yours anymore, and your friend can do whatever. However, a puppy is not a thing. And rescuing puppies, and caring for them, creates an emotional bond. Legally, maybe you have no say anymore. But our lives aren’t bound only by legal strictures, they’re bound by emotional connections and relationships as well. And those, really, take precedence. She should have told you before giving the puppy away.” TimisAllia

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Pabs7 6 days ago
NTJ. Your friend sucks. If the puppy wasn’t working out, she should have called you first. I’m guessing you’re right that she sold him for more $$
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17. WIBTJ If I Started Distancing Myself From My Friend?

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“So my friend Sarah has 3 children, 2 (7yrs) from a previous relationship and 1 (6 months) with her current partner.

Before they became an official couple she would be crying weekly over his lack of commitment and various other issues. This started affecting her mental health, she suffers from depression and anxiety and she would start spiraling so I would be on the phone with her offering advice (which she rarely took) and a shoulder to cry on.

I would also look after her children when she was feeling overwhelmed. Nothing changed once she became the partner apart from a decline in her mental health, she gets free counseling through her GP but once they feel she’s coping it stops. She falls pregnant, he makes many promises but sticks to none, so again I’m supporting her hospital appointments, taking the kids and I was her backup birthing partner because he wasn’t sure if he’d make it to the hospital.

Baby arrives, he refuses to move in with her and she’s lucky if she sees him twice a week.

She’s struggling, calls me in tears, says the depression is winning. I drop what I’m doing and run to her, stay with her, settle the kids and make sure she’s OK. This happens a few more times and I do the exact same thing. Take the 3 children to give her breaks. The thing is when she starts spiraling it’s ALWAYS related to what he’s doing, he’s always the trigger.

She won’t leave him.

Recently the relationship has become even more unhealthy and last night there was an argument where she left the room, he followed her and he’s trying to push the door open while she’s trying to close it. I said outright you need to leave him, this is messing with your mental health, your children are seeing you like this constantly and it isn’t healthy for them.

I know she’s not leaving.

I know she needs my support, I know I help a lot with the children and I think if I pull away she might spiral even more. I have 2 teens and 1 has additional needs due to past trauma connected to their birth family and I’m starting to feel burnt out.”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ.

This is never an easy situation to be in and it’s always going to be a bit messy but you really need to work on preserving your own mental health and energy.

It sounds like you’ve been the only consistent support for her and that over time it has become toxic and one-sided. Helping a friend with destructive behaviors can be akin to trying to assist someone with addiction issues – they know what’s ‘right vs. wrong’ but their need for a person/fix/feeling will continuously overshadow logical and critical thinking – and you CAN NOT be the sole source of clarity and support for them – it’s not sustainable and will result in both of you drowning.

Look into some grey rock techniques – it’s not full-out stonewalling but can work to de-escalate their dependencies on you.

There’s a time in all unhealthy friendships/relationships where you need to draw a line and stick to it.” final_girlxx

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. I’m so sorry to hear your friend is going through such a difficult situation. However, you’re a person too, and you’re allowed to feel burnt out. Abusive relationships can be insanely difficult to leave, but at the end of the day, it’s up to her to get the support she needs and leave the relationship.

It sounds like you’ve already tried your best and done a lot in helping her, and I think you’ve done more than most people would do. Obviously don’t completely cut her off, but at this point, the only person who can make a significant change is her.” eveisannoying

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. You have done enough for her and I don’t know if you believe in God or not but there’s a saying ‘God helps those who help themselves.’ You have tried to help but if she doesn’t wanna help herself, this cycle will continue and it’s definitely going to break you as well. Warn her and tell her exactly this that you told us here. Tell her that her only chance in life is to cut off her toxic relationship and focus on herself and her children. That’s it. Move on then.

Sending lots of love.” fatima_ali

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rbleah 6 days ago
You are NOT a professional. Even one of those might get a little irritated by her. All she wants to do is whine on you but won't do a DAMN thing for herself OR her kids. Time for you to back out of this one way street. You are going the wrong way for yourself.
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16. AITJ For Spoiling My Partner's Nieces?

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“So I (18f) am currently staying with my partner (21) at his mom’s house as we were having problems with our last place. We’re just staying until things get sorted out with the new place.

We’ve been here about 2 weeks now and I’ve noticed some patterns with his stepsister A towards her two daughters S and J that are very similar to the way my mom treated me growing up.

These two girls are rowdy, to say the least.

But they’re between the ages of 2 and 5 so that’s to be expected. The kids get dropped off Friday night to spend the weekend with grandma and grandpa, then get picked up Sunday night. I don’t mind the girls and actually enjoy having them around.

But when A comes over to hang out for a bit she always seems rather demeaning towards S and J. She’ll say stuff like ‘stop bothering OP! She doesn’t care.’ Or ‘no one gives a crap, stop bothering them.’

I get annoyed when she says those things because these girls are fine, but I don’t think they get enough attention at home and always come each weekend with new expensive toys.

I’ve taken these girls on walks around the block with the dog, I’ve played on the trampoline, and I’ve sat down and played tea party with them. Every time I get up to see something they want to show me A and her husband always says something along the lines of ‘you don’t have to spoil them you know?’ ‘You can just ignore them, they’ll get over it.’

After a little bit of time, I started saying that I don’t mind and these are just two wound-up girls who need to get their energy out.

I once flat-out said that this isn’t spoiling them.

A continues her comments and I continue to say that they’re just energetic kids. Once grandma said that I might be doing more than A and that she’s never seen these girls tuckered out for bed before I got there.

That comment made A a little mad and the girls haven’t been around even for a simple day visit in a while.

AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“It sounds like you’re being kind and treating them like reasonable human beings. NTJ at all, quite the opposite. The only thing to worry about is what the implications are of their coming to love you. What kind of commitment are you making, and potentially breaking. You and your partner are very young. What happens if you break up–how much will those girls lose if you depart from their lives? You can’t stop engaging with the kids.

But the more you do with them, the more they’ll need you.” Parsimonycake

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Kids at that age benefit greatly from interacting with others during play. You’re a new person they don’t see every day. That means learning your different social cues and needs. It’s a good way for them to grow emotionally and socially.” TinyRascalSaurus

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. As someone with parents like those, what you are doing for these kids is LIFESAVING!

Kids thrive on this kind of attention and attitudes of ignoring them is like killing their emotional makeup. Please spoil them and remember that it is all you can do.” ssolom

1 points (1 votes)
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15. AITJ For Taking A DNA Test?

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“My mother and I have a low contact relationship for a host of reasons so for me this wasn’t a thing to worry about but maybe I’m wrong. When I was a kid she refused to tell me who my biological father was, or to tell me why she wouldn’t tell me. My aunt P (her elder sister) told me when I was 18 that my father was a bad person.

At the time I accepted that as an answer since my mother has always (despite claiming to love me to my stepdad and his family) made it clear how much she didn’t want me around. But my mother lies about things, not just major things, mundane things like who made a dish. Fast forward a couple of decades and the topic came up again at a family function because my stepdad’s sister M has never liked my mom and since M was never told the story my mother’s side of the family was told, she was under the impression that I was to be told who he was when I was an adult.

She asked about it, and when I told her I didn’t know she confronted my mother who gave the name ‘Tom Smith’ and the school he went to in the 1970s.

It wasn’t exactly the kind of info that helps you find anyone, so last year I took one of the corporate DNA tests. I didn’t expect much, but I wanted to know if I had any half-siblings.

I found a whole family this year (definitely not named Smith), including my deceased father’s siblings. His name and other info don’t match anything my mother told me, but DNA doesn’t lie. My mother is remembered by them as the other woman who when my father refused to leave his wife, told him she was having an abortion. Shortly after that argument, he was killed in a car accident.

I look just like him and his twin sister T who has pictures of him with my mother as well as his journal which I’m still reading, but it pretty much details what sounds like a swinger couple figuring out that swinging was fun but maybe too risky. Now I know the real reason things were the way they are & for right now that’s enough for me.

I’m still processing, especially since my mother has presented herself as a hyper-conservative Catholic for most of my life.

But my new aunt is angry because she worked at the same company as my mother about 15 years ago, and my mother never told her I existed. She called my parent’s house (they still have a listed landline and my mother’s first name is very unique) and left a long angry message on the voicemail that my stepdad heard.

Apparently, there were a lot of lies told to him about my mother’s life before they got together and during their marriage. Now she’s angry with me for causing problems and I am definitely not feeling guilty. However, my aunt P says I should have just left it alone after all this time. So AITJ for wanting to know my father’s identity and inadvertently outing her past as the other woman?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ – I’m in the same position as you are.

My mom’s side of the family basically avoided talking about my bio father, or mildly talking bad about him until my grandpa passed. That was when my grandma asked if I was ever curious about that side of the family, which led me to do a deep search since I already knew his name. I found a half-sister and a half-brother, both very happy to have found me since our shared father had talked about me.

And then my bio father’s sister, as known as my aunt, contacted me and ask what I was told about their side of the family. It was a matter of whose pride was greater since at the time out-of-wedlock babies were looked down upon. They wanted me to be a part of their family but my mom’s family basically cut them off every time they tried to make contact.

Even at 30 I have mixed feelings and can’t decide whose story to believe. Nobody made a big deal about it, though. I’m just going to visit them the next time I go home and actually meet my bio father before he dies. And crossing my fingers that my mom’s family has enough respect for my decision to do so. So no, it’s definitely your right to find your blood relatives, and uncover the truth considering your mom seems to be a habitual liar.” BeagPood2019

Another User Comments:

“Coming from personal experience, and a very recent journey in this myself NTJ.

It’s your right to get info about your family if they are open to it. Medical info is important. If you can build a relationship then that’s great. Aunt shouldn’t have contacted your mom. That was rude and hurtful. Your mom may not have made the right choice, but she respected her bodily choices and chose not to put a strain on a marriage and a man who wasn’t choosing to parent with her.

She did what she thought was best in an emotional and vulnerable time. Everything after was an attempt to avoid questions about hurtful topics and judgment about her younger lifestyle.

My mom told me my dad was a family friend who died when I was very young. I spent a lot of time building up this guy in my head and believing I could never have a relationship.

I am now 32. I took an Ancestry test, and a 25% match came up, and some names I did t know from exploring my ‘dad’s’ side before. I did some digging and found the man I thought might be my dad, and I look exactly like the yearbook picture Ancestry has of him.

When I asked, she confirmed it. Turns out my mom and he broke up before she knew she was pregnant.

She never told him because she didn’t want to deal with custody and some other reasons. I don’t blame her she was in a hard place. And I never asked more questions really so she never told me the truth.

I didn’t want to bring it up to my mom because I didn’t want to hurt her. But it’s my right to know any medical issues on that side.

Or if I want to meet my bio dad and my half-siblings. I don’t blame my mom, but she did take that choice from me. After some soul searching I sent him a letter last week. I hope I can meet them when I’m visiting my home county next month. But we will see.” katissashamalar

Another User Comments:

“NTJ.

I was in your shoes.

My mom and dad never told me I wasn’t my dad’s biological child.

I was 23, and at a family reunion when I found out.

My cousin was overparenting his future stepchild (he wasn’t even engaged to her mom at the time) and I said something about how he shouldn’t be talking to the kid like he was because he wasn’t her dad. He was being loud and obnoxious. My great aunt was sitting across the table from me and said ‘Your dad did a pretty good job with you.’ I looked at my mom, and she looked like a deer in headlights.

I knew immediately. I went and talked to a different cousin after we left the reunion, and after about 3 phone calls to her mom and my mom, I knew the whole story.

Last year around Black Friday the Ancestry DNA tests were half price and one of my friends sent me the link and said ‘Find out who your bio-dad is, already!’ So, I bought the test, spit in the tube, and waited for the results.

Right after Christmas, they came in. Bam. First cousin match with someone I’d never seen in my entire life, so I send this woman a message. AND. SHE. DOESN’T. REPLY. At this point, I’m invested. I find her on social media. Nothing is private. Find her daughter. She looks like my twin. I send the daughter a long message telling her that her mom is my first cousin match on Ancestry and ask her if she can give me any information.

She calls her mom, and her mom says ‘If we’re first cousins her dad is about 70/80 or dead, does she know anything else?’ My mom had given me a very generic name. I’ll tell you what it is because it’s so incredibly generic. Michael Smith. I say ‘My mom told me his name is Michael Smith, but my dad’s name is Michael, and Smith is so generic I don’t even believe that and it is clearly a lie.’ This girl, immediately replies and says, ‘Michael is your dad, my mom is your aunt, and I’m your cousin.’ Michael and my aunt don’t have the same dad.

Half-Aunts and Uncles show up as first cousins on Ancestry.

My biological father is a professional con artist. I have no desire to ever meet or see him in life, but my aunt and my cousin are amazing. I met them in February. I met my grandma in April. I talk to my cousin almost every single day, and seeing how alike we are without growing up together is amazing and also a little insane.

My aunt drove three hours to come see me yesterday because I’m visiting my hometown. (I live across the country now) They’ve booked a trip to come visit me at the end of the year.

My mom has asked me not to contact my biological father, she thinks he’ll hurt me (emotionally, not physically) because he is absolutely aware that I exist. She told him she was pregnant, and he didn’t want anything to do with me, then after I was born, he worked next door to her for a while, and she told him about me.

You might be wondering at this point who I thought my dad was my entire life.

My dad is the man who raised me. Who adopted me when I was less than a year old. Who proposed to my mom in a hospital room when I was born. That guy. My biological father means nothing to me. His family on the other hand? I love them. They deserve to get to know me. My biological father is nothing more than a sperm donor.

You had absolutely every single right to do that DNA test and find out about your family. Don’t ever let anyone tell you differently. You deserve to know where you came from. Everyone does.” viciouslyliz

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stmc 5 days ago
Ive never been in this situation and im gonna say ntj
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14. AITJ For Not Defending My Mom Against My Partner?

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“I’m 23M and my partner Cindy is 21. We have known each other since we were 7 and 9 and she’s always been a huge part of my life. I was best friends with her brother Billy and went over to their farm most of my childhood and teenage years.

I have multiple reasons for not defending my mother when my partner went off on her. One being that I felt everything my partner said was truthful and two, she is a soft-spoken woman.

She never speaks badly to or about anyone. And three, I watched what she and her brother went through growing up.

My partner and Billy had a momma who only cared about the dogs and her husband. There wasn’t a maternal bone in that woman’s body. They bred dogs so there were always 30+ dogs running around. There were nights when my parents would pack a small dinner for me to bring to them because they didn’t have money to feed both them and the dogs most days.

When I was 15, Billy and Cindy were taken by CPS for malnutrition and neglect. It made papers. There was even one point in time when one of the male dogs got to Cindy and she needed 60-something stitches on her back. She has a huge scar. Her parents screamed at her for it because of the bill and blamed her for them not eating. Because of this, Cindy will go out of her way to avoid dogs.

Billy is the same way. The moment they get around a dog they both clam up, stop talking, get fidgety, etc.

I started seeing Cindy when I was 17 but it had been in the works for years prior. I have always loved this girl. My mom invited us for dinner Friday and I told Cindy we didn’t have to go because my mom has 2 dogs.

Whenever we eat they are right up to the table, they jump on everyone, super untrained. But Cindy said she wanted to go to keep the peace and said she would try to just look past it. She did try. I could see how uncomfortable she was the entire time and I did my best to keep the dogs off her cause every time they jumped she put her arms up in defense and gasped.

She was terrified. My mom on the other hand kept saying that my partner needed to get over it. The dogs are family and ain’t going nowhere, etc. Cindy was quiet the whole time. My mom ended up letting the dogs at the table and the bigger of the two dogs was right at Cindy’s arm nudging her for scraps. My mom was getting angry that Cindy wasn’t dropping him some food and despite me telling my mom to stop, she didn’t.

Eventually, Cindy snapped.

Told my mom she was selfish, inconsiderate, and didn’t have a wink of respect and that due to this, she had lost all hope of a good relationship with her and walked out. My mom immediately starts going off on me about not defending her. I told her my partner was right and left. Cindy was crying. She ain’t never spoke to someone like that. But I calmed her down and told her she was right and I would never put her in that position again.

But my mom has been blowing me up trying to forbid me from pursuing Cindy further because she ‘doesn’t respect her elders and we won’t have that in our family.’ AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. I love animals. I love dogs. There is only one breed of dog that I am absolutely terrified of. That is a Doberman Pinscher. I love their look, I love how they are with their family but I can’t get near them no matter how many times I’ve tried to get over it.

A fear like your partner’s isn’t just going to go away. It may seem irrational to others but it’s completely rational to her and others with that fear. If your mother was any kind of decent person, she would have set the dogs in another room until you had left. Partner isn’t asking for her to get rid of the dogs, just not to force them on her which is more than reasonable.

I would be tempted to find an animal mom is terrified of and put it in her lap. Tell her ‘but it’s family and you need to get over it as it’s not going anywhere.’ See how much she likes being forced to deal with her fears.” Rinassa64

Another User Comments:

“NTJ.

My family bred dogs for years and I have no trauma from it but I still wouldn’t want a dog near me when I’m eating.

I also just don’t like dogs that much.

Your partner on the other hand does have trauma and that isn’t something you just ‘get over’ – especially on top of mistreatment and neglect by her bio family.

Well done for standing up for your partner. I wouldn’t subject her to your mum in the future as even though she was kinder when your partner was younger she obviously prioritizes pets over people (yes I have pets and yes they are important to me, but no way would I force someone to be near my cat or my brother’s dog if they had trauma, just like I wouldn’t force a pet near a person they didn’t like!) Prioritizing your pets over your kids is a hard no for me.” officallurker

Another User Comments:

“NTJ.

You don’t just get over major trauma. Especially with direct incidents like that.

My dad hated big breed dogs for years because his childhood dog was killed by a neighbor’s big dog. I have a Pitbull, and have had him for 7 years. He’s the biggest baby in the world. Everyone sees him and has that breed fear. My dad kept his distance whenever he came over.

The last time my parents were visiting, I found my dad napping on the couch and my dog sleeping between his legs like he usually does. He woke up and said ‘I don’t know why I was ever scared of this dog. He’s a big baby.’

After doing delivery routes and home remodeling with dogs at most houses, I live by: Treat each dog as if they were dangerous until they give you their ok. And always carry milk bones. The easiest way to settle nervous dogs is to give them treats.” Turbulent-Gear8503

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TeaLikeTheDrink 6 days ago
NTJ...I have dogs that get super excited when meeting new people, but I tell them to back off and they back off...it's bullshit what your partner went through and your mom is a huge bitch for making her relive it...
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13. AITJ For Evicting My Niece While She's Away?

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“My (31f) niece (18) has lived with me and my fiancé (37m) for just under 2 years. Her parents are awful, she’s been through a terrible time and even though we weren’t the most stable of homes (I have mental health issues and my fiancé had substance misuse issues), we were her best option.

We live 200 miles away from the rest of my family. She’s actually done really well since being here, reducing her harmful behaviors, attending therapy (although that finished), and starting an apprenticeship.

However, she’s always been unclean and doesn’t like showering – she links this to her mental health issues and trauma. We’ve been patient, prompting her to shower when needed, asking her to keep her room tidy, and having the rule of no food in her room after we started to hear rodents.

It’s been tough, but we’ve been managing. However, I’m pregnant & the baby is due next month.

We’ve had social care involved (we’re in the UK) and our focus has dropped away from her to our unborn child. As such, her cleanliness has really gone downhill. We’ve asked multiple times for her to get her room sorted and take care of her personal hygiene because it’s starting to make the house smell and my social worker has made comments. My niece knows this and I’ve said a month ago that if things don’t improve, she’ll have to find somewhere else to live.

I have until Monday to get her room presentable. I told her this a week ago (after the last social worker visit when she did a full house inspection), she had a long weekend to sort it out and she did nothing. She was aware that if she didn’t do it, we would.

She’s gone away with my mum this week to a music festival. We’ve gone into her room and it’s disgusting.

Moldy food, plates, cups, ashes on the floor, etc. We put all her clothes in bags for me to wash, and my partner ended up getting a shovel to get rid of the rubbish and grime on the floor.

We’re beyond devastated at how bad her room is. It’s affecting our relationship and has a real chance of impacting our baby. My niece has the tendency to go back to harmful behaviors whenever we call her out on her behavior, which makes it hard for us to communicate because we worry she’ll hurt herself and it’ll be our fault.

There are places local to my niece’s job that do support housing for vulnerable youth.

She’d have a key worker and this sounds like the best place for her, considering the fact we can’t meet her needs. So I spoke with my mum and agreed I would give her a formal notice of eviction of 30 days whilst she was away so she had that support and my mum can help get the local council involved. It made more sense to do it whilst she had someone there who has the capacity to support her (I’m currently struggling with antenatal depression and struggle to even look after myself) and have a good distraction.

However, since I said this to my niece, she’s ignored me, withdrawn from my mum and I’m worried that it’s just ruined her weekend and that it’s my fault.

AITJ here?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Having so much rubbish and grime going on that a shovel had to be called in, moldy food, and ash in a house is unacceptable. There’s experiencing mental illness, and then there’s actively choosing to not respect the people you live with.

The fact that she went to a music festival without this having been cleaned up is wrong. This is the time to put in the notice, you need to do it because your baby is the priority and your baby needs to be in a safe healthy environment, and your niece does not prioritize your baby.

If her weekend is ruined she’s the only one at fault for it.

In general, I think you guys need to seek therapy yourselves, because the pattern you’re describing of you calling her out to improve, her harming herself, and then you guys perceiving it as your fault is seriously wrong. You need help to walk this out because you shouldn’t have had to be living like that for so long.” JCBashBash

Another User Comments:

“NTJ.

You’ve given her plenty of chances and warned her of the consequences. She’s going to put your baby at risk, not just because of the social worker, but because of her hygiene issues that could get the baby sick. She needs genuine help because if she continues to live in conditions like that, she’s going to get very ill. You’ve given her a solid restart and a foundation to build from, that’s all you can really do.

I don’t think you should feel bad, because you’ve tried so hard when you didn’t have to. Your timing was perfect, as you’d discussed the issue with her beforehand and it hadn’t changed things. You aren’t kicking her out for no reason, if anything you’re giving her a good opportunity for support and progress.” Reddit user

Another User Comments:

“NTJ.

Your niece needs more care than you can give.

She is using your fear of her hurting herself to be allowed to stay. This is not helping you or her. It is her mental illness that will cause her to hurt herself, not you.

She needs help from qualified resources. Maybe ask your own social worker for numbers or places where she can contact for help. She is not a lost cause, but the situation needs to be out of your hands. It will be easier while still in the transition phase between minor and adult to get help than to wait and try for help later in most cases.

Your evicting her should be the incentive/motivation for her to find the path she needs.” HCIBSW

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brandifpousson 1 day ago
OK you all suck
... 1st you don't need a child !! And she needs professional help at all times.... you all have to many problems ..
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12. AITJ For Telling My Brother Off?

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“I am 25F, the youngest of four siblings. My brother is 40M and is the oldest, with three kids of his own. Recently I attended a family function that had the entire family present, I only went because it was for my niece and she asked me to come. I agreed, but my Husband asked for us only to stay for 1hr max to avoid any conflict.

After an hour of awkwardness, we started getting things together to leave, my dad spoke up and asked if I was working. I said not at the moment. He started grilling questions, I was getting flustered, my husband spoke up, and said that he makes enough to give me the freedom to stay home, and raise our babies. And if I wanted to work, then I could.

He didn’t go into detail about how expensive/hard to come by childcare is.

My brother jumped in and said that if I hadn’t cut myself off from them then they could help me find work. I didn’t say anything and tried giving my brother the ‘not now’ look. My husband only laughed and said that we wouldn’t mind help, but that no one can rely on anyone anymore.

I knew what he meant, but my brother did not.

It started an argument. I insisted my husband to take the babies to the car, and I’ll talk to my brother. I went back and told my niece goodbye and she started crying, asking to come with me. My brother came into the room and told me to get out. I walked towards the door and told him that if he really wants the family dream then he should look at his own actions before he ends up like our dad.

4 kids, only 2 stay in contact. He went off about how family is what matters no matter what, and I told him yes, my family, which our parents are not a part of. He called me ungrateful, and that there are some things I need to get over. I told him that if he did what our parents did to his kids, then he’s not the man I call a brother.

I left angry but felt like a jerk for basically comparing my brother to our dad. My husband agreed with me and called my brother a jerk. And that he wouldn’t mind if we went NC all together. I feel guilty, thinking I shouldn’t have spoken up and just let it go. But I stand by my boundaries.

The whole family is going off, calling me a jerk for spreading lies about my parents or excusing their behavior.

I blocked everyone but my sister and niece. She said that her dad (my brother) has banned her from speaking to me, and said I was a liar. She asked what happened. I sent her a message explaining why I don’t come around since she’s now 16 and can understand adult conflict. She’s now refusing to talk to my parents and my brother and doesn’t want to be around them.

I tried telling her that doesn’t mean that her dad is a bad person, just that it’s between him and me and our parents.

Quick edit: my dad was awful growing up. And my mom stood by and did nothing. My siblings all had different experiences, and my brother only saw tidbits of his maltreatment. I tried telling him about it, but he refused to acknowledge it and only saw it as discipline to me.

So I stopped trying to tell him.”

Another User Comments:

“I grew up in a neglectful home. The horrible treatment was different for each of us 5 kids.

Each had their own experiences others didn’t see or hear or know about.

My eldest sister, who practically raised us from 8 yrs old, was hardly ever physically mistreated, but she was told all the adult stuff from both sides. While also trying to protect us.

It’s horribly sad when someone won’t believe mistreatment happened, stand to the truth, no matter what.

I wish you the happiest life with your family.

My baby is now 4 1/2, it does go fast. But not when you’re in the thick of the diapers and mess.

Take care.

Oh. NTJ.” Calpernia09

Another User Comments:

“NTJ.

Sounds like your brother has overly normalized the mistreatment. Or father became worse after he left. Either way, brother doesn’t see it and doesn’t want to see it. Niece not wanting to talk to her father is just a consequence of his in/actions.

Keep your head down. The louder they scream, the quieter you get (literally and figuratively). Eventually, other people will start to see the light. Dad and brother are bad people who aren’t worth keeping in your life. So them being angry at you is not a loss. Keep communication with your niece, she’ll need it. And let everything come out in due time.” blueevey

Another User Comments:

“NTJ.

Felt this in my soul. Accept the title of jerk because if standing up for yourself, creating a boundary, and maintaining a good relationship with your niece makes you a jerk, then so be it. In my opinion, it’s ok to be a jerk to people who dismiss trauma.” Omgahchill

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stmc 5 days ago
I mean based on whats there i gotta say youre the jerk but i get the feeling theres more there
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11. AITJ For Using My Promotion To Get A Better Job?

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“I have been at my current job for almost 4 years. We were having our third child last year, and my wife would need a C-section so I had to take time off. My state provides 12 weeks of protected Paid Family Medical Leave, of which I decided to take 8. My employer told me to consider only taking 2, but I told them I could not.

Just before I announced that I would need to take this leave, I had been made a Project Manager in duty, not in title.

When I returned, I could feel that something was off.

We had the best year that we’ve had in quite some time. Talk around the office was big bonuses and raises.

At my year-end performance review, I was told that I had not been able to fully reintegrate after my leave, so my bonus and raise would be withheld, and we would reassess at my mid-year review.

I was angry, as all of my projects had better margins than what was projected, but whatever, a bit of a delay was not the end of the world.

It is illegal for my employer to directly punish me for taking the protected leave, so this felt like a way for them to get around that.

This year, the number of projects that I managed increased significantly, but the company on the whole struggled a bit.

I was given some formal training as a manager via online courses that the company paid for.

At my mid-year review, my promotion was made official, however, I was told that the company was not in a position to be giving me a raise at this time, they were offering me a bonus equal to one week of my pay. I told them that with my increased responsibilities, and the results of my projects, I think that I have earned a 5% bump in pay.

Denied.

I went home, hopped on Indeed, and applied for a position across the country. Had a couple of interviews that week and received an offer for about 20% more than I am making here (in a place with a much lower cost of living), with a 15k signing bonus.

I handed in my 2 weeks less than a month after my promotion and my boss is livid, saying that I leveraged my promotion to get this job and that it is completely improper after the training that they paid for.

I told him that I did not think that my efforts had been appreciated and that he was unwilling to work with me on it.

I think that my actions were completely justified, but a couple of my coworkers also think what I did was pretty shady/unethical, so I wanted to see what you all think.”

Another User Comments:

“I spent 15 years at a job where I worked above my title.

I took extra projects, became a subject matter expert, and played the game.

In 7 years, I never got a promotion or raise worth anything, but I kept getting more responsibilities. It wasn’t perfect, but nothing that couldn’t be fixed. Still, EVERY little tiny error (like a missing file on an email) was held against me for years. Literally, even when I was able to prove that it was nowhere near one-sided with issues, they held it against me.

After a while of this bull crap, I finally had enough and told them to kick rocks.

Before my two weeks’ notice was up, during which I offered to and DID help train someone to replace me, I had another job.

Not just another job, but one that told me from the jump that they wanted me to feel valued and my pay is in accordance with that.

NTJ for doing what’s best for your family when your job so clearly didn’t value you. Screw that job and the bosses who didn’t respect you.” DntMindMeImNtRlyHere

Another User Comments:

“NTJ at all. I’m at a high level in my company and will tell you that people who get promoted, get promoted not because of the job they ‘will do’ but because of the job they are already doing.

The promotion recognizes the job already performed. If they wanted to keep you happy and keep you, they should have promoted and rewarded you with a raise. Too bad they have a bad HR/P&O group that doesn’t get it and bad management that lets them keep doing it.

Not sure if you are in California but what they did was called constructive termination for the ‘I was told that I had not been able to fully reintegrate after my leave, so my bonus and raise would be withheld, and we would reassess at my mid-year review’ and in my opinion, you could sue.

And your boss is a jerk.

It won’t be the last time someone quits on him.” IgnotusPeverill

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. You received illegal retaliation for taking the leave you’re legally due. Crappy companies know how to leverage to screw over their employees, but when you finally get sick of it and bounce, they’re shocked you don’t have some kind of emotional attachment to this corporation that treats you like crap. Screw that every day and twice on Sunday. Post about it to Glassdoor if you can and at least try reporting it to your state. Even if they have a fig leaf of a reason, if enough people are reporting this treatment, maybe they’ll get some actual consequences for once.” adlittle

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stmc 5 days ago
I mean it is slightly shady but ultimately you found something much better and anyone who says they wouldnt take that type of offer is lieing
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10. AITJ For Calling My Friend Childish?

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“My (22F) friend ‘Jules’ (22F), my friend ‘Alex’ (22F), and I all live in different countries in Europe and can only meet up once a year. This year Alex is living abroad so Jules and I planned a trip to visit her.

The trip itself required significant sacrifices from myself and Jules (missing classes, renegotiating a job start date, saving up for months, a 13-hour flight), but we were very excited to see Alex so it was a no-brainer for us.

We had also set out a plan all together on a shared document of things we wanted to do together that week.

Before traveling, Alex’s friend (‘Lea’) planned a two-day trip away from the city and Alex preemptively said we would go. This was an extra expense and Alex didn’t ask us before agreeing to it, but since she’d already arranged it we said sure and didn’t press further.

The day Jules flew out, Alex texted her at the last minute saying she may not go get her from the airport because she’d decided to go out drinking last minute.

She ended up showing up intoxicated. The day I landed, she sent Jules to get me and instead napped all afternoon and didn’t answer our texts or calls for 2 hours.

Two days later Alex was supposed to meet me and Jules at 12 after she finished class. Instead, she decided to spend her day with a friend and made no effort to join us, even after telling her where we were.

We felt iffy about the situation, so after some good thinking, we texted her saying we had decided not to go on the 2-day trip away because our time in the city was limited and we wanted to explore it together properly, but that we would pay Lea regardless. She then complained that we were bailing on her friends, and claimed we had been rude for not inviting her along to ‘our’ plans all day.

This resulted in her ignoring our texts for hours that evening and not following through with dinner plans but rather saying we ‘could go over to her friend’s area and we would find somewhere to eat or whatever’.

Because it was too late (10:30 pm) and too far to make it on time, we told her we would rather go straight out clubbing in our area, which culminated in a string of passive-aggressive intoxicated texts saying ‘I guess I’m just not important to you guys’ and ‘have fun’ at 3 am.

We confronted her and said she had put no effort into seeing us when we’d traveled all the way here to see her.

She then said we were ganging up on her and excluding her, left our group chat, went on the 2 day trip by herself, and refuses to talk about it in person. Hence the childish part.

AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. You traveled 13 hours to see her but she just doesn’t seem that interested in you. I’d suggest that you not expend this degree of effort to see her going forward.” ElNachoDelFuego

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Sounds like you may be growing apart but at least you had Jules there to explore with you. I’d feel extra bad if one of you had gone alone.” tvcriticgirlxo

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9. AITJ For Having A Mental Breakdown?

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“I (20s) am in a poly relationship with A (f 20s) and B (30s nb). I live with A and we’ve been together a couple of years and we’re engaged. I’ve known B a little longer than A and we (B and me) had an on-and-off kind of thing before we all came together roughly a year-ish ago. B lives in another state, and so visits a couple of times a year.

Also; I am autistic and have some personality disorders and it’s hard for me to process things. I’m getting a new therapist and trying to work on that.

B recently visited and it hurt when they left but since I have trouble processing emotions I just kind of shoved it aside. Recently a friend of ours (myself and A) passed away. It was very sudden. It didn’t hit me hard until later that night.

A was already asleep so I asked B to please stay up with me so I wasn’t alone.

They had to work early the next day and told me they couldn’t stay up much longer. I should have done a better job explaining my turmoil (they were aware of my friend’s death). If I had, they would have stayed up with me. I closed myself off and went to bed and I cried myself to sleep. Later, I woke up and was puking. This woke up A and I did break down about feeling abandoned with my emotions.

Eventually, we went back to sleep.

The next day I was continuing to have that complete emotional break. Everything felt so much worse than it was before. I said a lot of things that really hurt B. Talked about the pain of distance and my lack of ability to handle it and how certain things hurt so badly. I shouldn’t have said a lot of the stuff I said and I deeply regret it.

My emotions were just completely in the pits of despair. I talked about horrible things like leaving them (A and B) and losing hope, etc. Again, I deeply regret many of the things I said with my heightened emotions.

They (B) got severely overwhelmed and hurt and their trauma response hit and they had to step away from talking to me for a day and a half or so.

I told them to take as much time as they needed.

I’m still in mourning. The funeral is later this week. And then I see B has written me a letter and essentially broke up with me so that we can both take a step back from the relationship for a while. I had wanted desperately to be able to talk things out and apologize and explain that I was insanely emotional, but I wasn’t given the chance to do that.

They’re muting our chats and stuff and just cutting me off.

I feel this isn’t fair because I was having a complete mental breakdown about my friend’s death and other emotions (to where I was contemplating admitting myself to an in-patient facility which is a mental health facility.) I wanted so badly to apologize and explain and talk everything out.

I still feel terrible and would take back what I said if I could.

So, AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ for having a breakdown triggered by grief. However, when you say deeply hurtful things you don’t mean to people (even people who love you), one of the consequences is that they might decide to protect themselves by stepping away from you and your hurtful words.

This actually is extremely fair for them to do, even if it feels hurtful to you. Sometimes you don’t get to undo your actions and their consequences, sometimes you don’t even get to explain.

Sometimes all you can do is move forward with the awareness not to repeat the same patterns in the future.

If you are still deeply struggling, an in-patient facility might be very helpful for your immediate needs. I’m really sorry to hear about your friend.” KittenSnowMittens

Another User Comments:

“For the time being, I’m going to vote NTJ because A and B just might need a little bit of time before speaking again.

Now, if they completely ghost you, then they are the jerks. I think the fact that you are upset that you hurt them proves that you are definitely NTJ.

On a side note: if you’re still feeling overwhelmed, you could try to contact your therapist, and if you don’t currently have one, try calling a crisis hotline. You shouldn’t have to process all this on your own, especially if your autism and personality disorders keep you from processing emotions.” Ariadris

Another User Comments:

“NTJ for having a mental breakdown, you can’t control that.

But other people do not have to tolerate being a verbal punching bag when you have one and it’s reasonable for them to decide it’s too much and break it off because they’re allowed to protect their own mental health, and put boundaries.” CrystalQueen3000

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brandifpousson 1 day ago
Don't be a fucking freak.. we all have ones we love die .... DNA don't lie be what you want ... nothing is going to change... we don't and won't except anything that isn't normal.. be gay or straight... frankly there is no in between...
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8. AITJ For Yelling At My Sister For Eating My Apples?

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“For context, my sister (20F) and I (17M) have a shaky relationship as all siblings do, usually on and off at times. Our personalities are wildly different. I usually describe her as the ‘mom’ of the group, caring, and with a very gentle personality. She claims that out of all her roommates in college, she is the clean and tidy one who does all the chores.

This is not the case at home.

I don’t know if I just have gotten used to being an only child in the year that she’s been gone, but every time she comes back, she gets on my nerves. For instance, she never does any of the household chores or walks the dogs when our parents tell us to. For some reason, she has the incapability to keep her placemat clean during meals, and she always uses my water glass that’s specifically set at my spot on the table (this normally wouldn’t be a problem, but she backwashes and makes the water all foggy).

Onto the main problem.

The other day, I was emerging from the cave that is my room to get a snack, when I saw my sister happily munching on one of my apples at my seat at the table. In case you’re wondering, yes I am on the autism spectrum and I am very picky about what I eat and when I eat it. I always have a green apple around 3:30, bought from a very specific store, in the non-organic section (organic apples are always mealy).

I always get five of them at once, to get me through five days worth of snack time. I don’t like my schedule to be mixed up.

I was already in a pretty bad mood already that day, but seeing her happily munching away on something that I considered mine, was the last straw. I started yelling, but was immediately shut down by my parents and called overdramatic.

Heck, I know I was being overdramatic, and I know she hasn’t lived with me in a year, but you’d think she would show some respect after living with me her entire life? Not to mention the fact that she’s a psychology major, so you would think she would be able to understand me a little more?

AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ at all. I am also on the autism spectrum.

I don’t have specific meal times but I do have specific foods that I get for myself. Like particular crisps and drinks. And heck breaks loose on anyone who messes with that.

If you’ve had this routine since before she moved out then sure she should be more understanding. One of the three things might have been ok. Like if it was just sitting in your table place then it would’ve been fine.

But adding eating your safe specific foods and using your glass. I would’ve taken it as a personal attack and ripped her head off so not gonna lie, I’m proud you managed to keep your cool.” Objective_Pepper1892

Another User Comments:

“YTJ. I understand you’re autistic. That’s fine. But to explode on your sister for eating an apple that is in the kitchen is pretty rough. Understand that the world doesn’t revolve around you and that you owe your sister kindness.

It is a very normal thing for her to eat a piece of fruit in your family’s kitchen. Perhaps she’s not as considerate as you prefer, and you can communicate that to her in a civil way. There’s no excuse for yelling when it’s uncalled for.” yes_yta

Another User Comments:

“YTJ and while I get that you are autistic and do not like change, this is her house as well and you do not have the right just because you are autistic to be a jerk.

It was just an apple from the kitchen not labeled in any way. The truth is you do not like her very much right now so picked the next thing she did to blow up at her.” ReiEvangel

Another User Comments:

“YTJ – you do have the right to be mad, but you don’t have the right to yell and take out your anger on others. If you aren’t in a good mood to confront, then come back when you’re feeling calmer – but none of what you explained excuses your actions. I completely understand that it’s your food, but that doesn’t warrant acting out like that.” bl00mberry

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brandifpousson 1 day ago
YTJ... your not special in any way shape or form... it's an apple... got to the store and get more!! Easy peasy.. yet you want drama..
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7. AITJ For Telling My Mother I Wish She Was A Better Mother?

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“So my mother (52F) has been ignoring me (19FtM) on a lot of things.

When I was still in school, I would always complain about not having internet in my room. It technically reaches my room but it’s not strong enough or reliable enough to even do things like Zoom, or even stream videos. If I want to get anything done I have to turn off all devices with an internet connection and hope that it works.

She refuses to let me get an Ethernet cord or a wifi extender.

She also refuses to stand up to my sister (30F) when I need her to. Not that long ago my sister did attack me physically when I walked away from her after we had a fight. She told me that no matter what happens she’s my sister and I need to forgive her. Everyone, even those who have heard me out, still side with my sister.

She has lied about me for years and because of this, no one wants to believe me. My sister drinks a lot and I don’t even know what she is like sober.

The last thing I will talk about is the fact that my mom calls me by my dead name and refuses to even try and change. I have been out for years and yet she always tells me ‘I don’t understand’ even if I had explained it to her multiple times.

She also married a man who is homo/transphobic and wants me to live with him. Their relationship has been a sour topic for months and she knows how I feel about him. I would move out but currently can’t drive and hold down a job without a car.

With all of these different things that had happened, I got upset one day and told her I wish she had been a better mother.

We had a verbal fight and she called me entitled for wanting to spend time with her alone.

So AITJ for being upset with her and telling her that I wish she was a better mother? Many adults have told me to ‘just get over it’ but how can you when she refuses to even spend time with me anymore because her husband and family (his kids) can make her happier than I ever could.”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ.

Not Trans, but I can relate. Haven’t spoken to either parent in 3 months, since before I had a major life-altering surgery to save my life.

They told me they can’t worry about me anymore and wish I would just die sometimes. That way, they could at least get sympathy for it.

Wouldn’t be surprised if I never speak to them again.” stobbsm

Another User Comments:

“NTJ.

Hard truth. She birthed you, doesn’t understand you, struggles with who you are, and doesn’t seem to care enough to try, nor to take your side in any circumstances. She should be glad you want to spend time alone with her. She’s your mother yet not acting like a mom toward you.” The_real_Psu

Another User Comments:

“I’m sorry, honey. NTJ. I wish I was your mom.

This is not something to ‘get over.’ Your emotional needs aren’t being met and they aren’t unreasonable needs in any way.” SimplySam4210

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brandifpousson 1 day ago
DNA .. don't change.. you want to a freak .. go for it but your mom doesn't have to like it.. you are a girl and never ever will you be a boy... so you're odd girl out!!
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6. AITJ For Getting Mad At My Parents?

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“I (21F) have a small business to help me pay for college. I’m also a red belt in Taekwondo and have been in the same academy my whole life, I even considered my professors and the other students family.

4 months ago, my professors bought $130 worth of merch (shirts, bags, water bottles, etc.) from me.

When I asked for the payment they told me they were reselling it and then they would pay me.

The next week I was told they needed $150 worth of merch more.

When asked for the money they asked me for time. Before that, I saw on their social media that they claimed to be sold out and would announce restock, in that week they asked me to do three more shirts. Take into account that they were selling the merch under the name of the academy.

Because of my health, I had to stop training temporarily, but that didn’t stop them from asking me for more.

My parents began to get mad at me that I wasn’t pushing them enough with the money. I’m naturally a shy person, so it’s really hard. They asked me to call him at random times of the day, to sound angry, and to even spread the rumor of the debt to the rest of the students, but I refused.

I was eventually paid the first $130, while they still owed me $200.

When my parents found out that they hadn’t paid full they were furious, we got into a yelling argument where they threatened with going to the academy and making a scene in front of the class.

Next, I got $60. Again, my parents are furious so I started to be more insistent with my professor and could tell he was getting annoyed, (take into account that I’m still sick).

Last week he asked me for another shirt and I lied to him that I didn’t have the money to make more. Yesterday I went to the distributor to buy materials with my mom, and, the employee (a friend of mine) told us that my professor had bought 200k worth of machines, materials, and merch.

We were livid, not only did he not pay me back, but he had basically cut the deal and stole my idea.

My parents again yelled at me saying this was my fault for not pushing hard enough about the money. A few days later I found out they had texted the parents of some students and told them about the debt, making many people upset that they had overcharged them and lied about making it themselves. Also, both of them started writing and sharing indirect posts on social media about the issue.

I confronted them and said that it was childish and immature to fight on social media and gossip with the other parents. They called me a coward and unable to run my business and said that they were only defending me and trying to protect me, and they would make a scene in front of the class. I was left in tears, but at the end of the day, they were doing it for my own good and defending me.

Am I the jerk for getting mad and yelling back?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ, your parents pushed a subject that frankly wasn’t their business but I think you could also learn a thing or two from them. It’s nice that you have that bond with your trainer and consider them family but you need to also realize that he’s running a business. He might set out to be a positive influence and bond with students but if it came between you and his bills he’s choosing what keeps his business going.

Personally, it sounds like he was taking clear advantage of you in order to make income, and frankly, I agree you should have been more assertive. Especially considering he then decided to basically overtake your own business and cut you out of the equation. He’s a business owner, his goal is to make money, if you plan on continuing what you’re doing then you need to recognize that too.” BrownieZombie1999

Another User Comments:

“NTJ, they should have let you handle it.

However, I can totally see their side. They don’t want you and others to be walked on by this studio because ‘family’ means nothing in business. You were swindled and they want to make sure the person that did it gets their karma. Blaming you isn’t right; you’re just not willing to stand up for yourself right now but that’s a lesson you’ll have to learn on your own.” CasWay413

Another User Comments:

“YTJ.

I know it’s hard to be shy and create a scene even though you should but let them defend you. The professor IS stealing your idea and if you continue to keep quiet, others will use you too in the future for your work. And yes your professor will still be a jerk and put you down even if you would have let him continue his debt and never ask him to pay you.

You never consented your professor to manufacture your stuff.” saitama1115

Another User Comments:

“NTJ (besides the instructor): I get you’re upset but this guy is a crook who is literally taking your product not paying for it and selling it to other people at a higher price. And now that you refuse to work for free they are stealing your idea and doing it themselves.

Won’t lie you should be a little grateful for what your parents did because my guess is you may be getting some new orders out of this from people who sympathize with you. If they said nothing all that business would have gone to the guy who stole your idea.” OneMikeNation

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Beads1912 3 days ago
Go to a lawyer and start processing paperwork first. Show your designs from start to finish. Don't forget timestamps of when you started mak8ng the shirts
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5. AITJ For Accidentally Locking Everyone Out?

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“For context: I’m autistic, my sister knows but my mom doesn’t. Also, my mom works in the morning and I am in charge of the housework.

Today I (21F), my sister (19F), and my mom (60F) had to move out of our apartment and go to the new one. This morning my sister and I packed all the furniture needed and a couple of suitcases with the things remaining in the now old flat so when the time arrived we had only to put them in the elevator and into the rented truck.

I will not go into much detail but the morning was basically a nightmare, my sis helped but she criticized everything I was doing constantly even when I asked her to stop and explained everyone does things in different ways and that didn’t mean I was doing them wrong.

Because of that when lunchtime arrived I was already very anxious and stressed, but I did my best and cooked while she and my mom packed the last piece of furniture.

When the time of carrying things down arrived my mom and sis started doing a lot of things without letting me help or telling me what were they doing or how could I help (I asked several times and tried to help but they ignored me or told me to step aside), so I was lost and tried doing my own things.

We had talked while eating and I was supposed to stay downstairs with the furniture because I can’t lift weight currently so when they got in the elevator I picked up my keys, checked for missed keys in the key hanger, and closed the door, and walked down the stairs.

Well, when I arrived my mom wasn’t there anymore and my sister was there (when she wasn’t supposed to).

She freaked out and screamed at me because my mom didn’t have keys (weird because hers wasn’t on the hanger) and went upstairs. And then all heck broke loose. My sis started messaging me telling me I was basically a piece of crap and a jerk because my mom’s keys were in the door (inside) so we were locked out. They came downstairs and started screaming at me saying how it was my fault and I was supposed to stay upstairs because they had said so (I suppose they said while in the elevator or something because I didn’t hear anything and after that my mom kept giving me instructions while the door closed a couple of times).

They also wanted me to call the locksmith and pay him but I begged my sister and in the end, they called because I couldn’t speak (I’m autistic and I was having a meltdown, I talked to her with my mobile phone).

So… am I the jerk? The truck driver told me when he saw me crying that accidents happen and it’s ok but my mom and sister still think I am the jerk here.”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ.

Moving is stressful and prime time for family issues. The details were a bit hard for me, but it sounds like your mom is actually livid for leaving her keys and is taking it out on you. Or she started by taking it out on your sister (why didn’t you bring keys?) and now sister is taking that out on you.

As for the change in instructions, they are the ones that didn’t wait for confirmation that you heard and agreed.

Everyone needs to be on board with a change in plans.

And granted this is one instance, but sis sounds like she could stand to learn a bit more about living with autism given her reaction.” Kayura85

Another User Comments:

“NTJ, shifting places is anyways hectic and a lot of miscommunication takes place and one needs a little time to even catch up with themselves and with what’s happening.” idek_deppressedmaybe

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LorkhansDaughter 1 week ago
Kayura85 is right but not just your sister should learn more about autism and how to live with it, so should your mom
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4. AITJ For Not Wanting My Indirect Relatives To Be Part Of My Sister's Birthday?

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“My sister’s 7th birthday is coming up and we’re planning on how to celebrate it. We decided on just going to a resort since my sister wanted to go swimming instead of all that party stuff. We’re staying for 2 days and 1 night, and the ones going are our family of four and my mother’s 7 siblings, because that’s how it’s always been. All is well until my grandfather from my mom’s side opposed this.

He wanted it to be not only us and include literally every relative that we talk to. That includes my mom’s aunts and uncles, their children’s families, and my dad’s siblings, and their families. We counted the total number of people and it resulted in around 60 people, and our family was not really happy about this. It’s not like we were going to a cheap resort, the price of it increases as the number of people increases, not to mention the food that we have to prepare and other stuff.

We were quite tight on the budget. We tried to tell him that we should just go like how we always do, but he got angry and told us that we were selfish and only the four of us should just go if we were going to be like this. I got kinda mad and mumbled to myself why they need to be there as if they’re important since all they do is complain when they come over to the house.

I don’t know how my grandfather heard this but he got much angrier that his blood pressure rushed up. And then this results in my aunts ganging up against me telling me that I should’ve just kept quiet because I know that he’s stubborn. I mean, I was literally quiet, I literally mumbled that sentence to myself.

I’m not really close with these relatives and my encounters with them are kind of bad.

For example, they come by for a short time during Christmas and all they do is joke about and criticize my appearance. Another is when my mom gave one of them who sells clothes some pre-loved dresses and pants to sell and they agreed to split the money earned but they never gave my mom’s share of the money. They complain about every single thing, but they’re not even contributing to anything, all of it is on us.

Plus, they’re bringing a LOT of kids. I’m sure some kids out there are pretty great, but annoyingness runs in the family bloodline. I can barely handle my sister, and you’re telling me I’m going to be surrounded by much more? I would rather stay at home and sleep. Also, they don’t even come to other celebrations except for Christmas, so I genuinely do not know why they’re coming this time around.”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ – unless they’re willing to pay for themselves, none of your extended family has any right to butt in on your family outing, and even then they should ask first, IMO, because it’s not their event.

Expecting you to pay for and manage 60 people for a 7th Birthday Party is ridiculous, especially considering their previous experience with them, and your family should stand their ground and tell your grandpa and the rest of them to pound sand.” pikablob

Another User Comments:

“NTJ.

If the rest of the family wants to go so bad, they can plan their own trip on their own dime, there’s no reason to try to muscle their way in on a 7th birthday trip.” black_stallion1031

Another User Comments:

“NTJ.

If you can’t afford it, you can’t afford it. Is grandpa willing to shell out the cash? I imagine he’ll change his mind quickly when it’s his money being spent.” pfashby

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rbleah 2 weeks ago
Tell them they can come if they all pay for themselves. see how fast they back off. Don't cater to these grifters.
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3. AITJ For Not Respecting My Partner's Wish?

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“So I recently discovered this really catchy song that has a really cool choreography, my SO (let’s call her L) and I really enjoy listening to this song together. I was planning on learning the chorus part of the dance and L suggested we do it together which I responded with pleasure!

Naturally, when I like a song I introduce it to my close ‘music fan’ friends and one of them (N) got totally hooked and wanted to learn the choreo as well so I said he could join us, the more the merrier!

Fast forward to this day I started the first dance training with N (my partner couldn’t come because she had to attend an event), when she came home she asked me what we did and I told her we danced to this song, instantly she starts ignoring me and went crying in the bathroom.

I asked her what was wrong and she told me she wanted for only the two of us to dance to this song, that I shouldn’t have introduced it to my friends and made them want to join us.

That she’s the one that discovered the song and that I didn’t even listen to this artist prior to all this.

Honestly, I don’t recall her asking for exclusively the two of us to dance to it but I may be wrong (I have a bad memory and she knows it). I told her I’m sorry I didn’t remember her saying that but we could still do it together and I was happy to.

She said that it was too late because N already knows the choreo and that bothers her too much, she said she won’t listen to the song anymore because of that.

Now it’s 2 AM and I am outside on a bench trying to think how to handle this situation, I think it was really cute of her wanting it to be only us but she makes me feel like a jerk for ruining her wish.

The thing is most people in our friend circle already posted videos of them dancing to the song so N would have discovered it anyway (and maybe ask me to dance with him).

So AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ.

Like you said, a lot of other people would have danced to the choreography. I am sure that you would have remembered her wish if she told you in the first place since you thought it was cute.

She is being a bit dramatic about it, also.” Hangingoutwithyou

Another User Comments:

“ESH you should have waited to do it with your SO first. She is a soft jerk for overreacting. She just wanted to feel like she mattered and you took that away by starting to learn it with your friend. Give her some time to calm down. Don’t mention it again for a bit and see if she wants to try again. Just don’t learn it without her.” kwflick67

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alohakat 2 weeks ago
Is this girl 12 years old or what? Bad memory or great memory or somewhere in between, she expected everyone else to put their plans on hold because she "couldn't make it". It is about high time she learned that the world does not revolve around her and her needs and she needs to stop being such a drama queen.
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2. AITJ For Supporting My Cousin While Betraying Her Mom?

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“I 30f recently became very close with my little cousin 16f (her dad is actually my first cousin). She and her mom moved to the city I live in about 18 months ago. We have been spending a lot of time together and we talk and text regularly every day. My little cousin started to tell me some alarming things about her mom. Like how her mom treats her and when she turns 18 she doesn’t even want her mom to know where she lives! Things like, she treats her like a child, her mom buys herself lots of clothes but not for her, she is not allowed to go a lot of places without her mom, she does all the cooking and the cleaning, she is not allowed to have a job for extra money, she has to clean her mom’s room and closet, etc.

It was heartbreaking because she is a sweet, good kid. She really wants to live with her dad and stepmom. I have noticed things about her mom as well. She is constantly negative, she always complains, she is literally a Karen, always needing the manager and she will berate my little cousin in front of anyone. I stop making suggestions on restaurants or brunch spots because she always found something wrong with these places.

My little cousin’s mom told me about an incident that happened before they moved to my city, where she found out my little cousin was seeing a girl and she was upset, made a big deal about it, and told my cousin basically to stop liking girls. She tried to say my little cousin was going through a phase and she would grow out of it! She wanted me to agree.

I didn’t and don’t! I refused to go any further into a discussion on the topic. A few weeks later, my little cousin confided in me and told said she still has the same partner. I told her I support it if it makes her happy! She was extremely excited and relieved I wasn’t upset with her. She was elated to have an adult she trusted whom she could confide in and vent to when needed.

Although I feel uneasy betraying her mother’s wishes.

On top of betraying her mother’s wishes here is where I may be the jerk. My cousin has a birthday coming up and she asked if her partner could send her gift to my house. She asked me through text message and I said yes! Her mom took her phone as punishment and went through her phone and saw our text exchanges.

Now, her mom is not allowing us to see or speak to each other. I honestly just want her to feel supported and loved. Which is what I know she is not getting from her custodial parent. Her dad lives 3 hours away and is in her life mostly. I am not sure if he is fully aware of how his daughter feels about her mom but he is aware of her mom’s personality and attitude.

He is also aware of his daughter’s sexuality He is not against it but is against her seeing someone and having a male partner or female partner until she is 18.

We have become so close I am really sad that I am unable to see and talk with my little cousin but AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ at all. You’re a good person for being there for your cousin.

Young people need someone on their side who actually care about them. Does her Mom realize her daughter will probably go no contact with her once she’s old enough? Is there any possibility of talking some sense into her?” ellaelle

Another User Comments:

“NTJ! You did nothing wrong. Everybody needs someone supportive in their lives, and it’s a shame that your cousin’s mother isn’t supportive of her own daughter.

Thank you for being that person for your little cousin. I hope you continue to do so, she really needs you!” rainbowbaby2022

Another User Comments:

“You are most definitely NTJ! I am so glad you can be a ‘safe space’ for your cousin since clearly, her mother is not. It breaks my heart and shocks me that people are still so disgustingly ignorant in 2022. She needs your support.” churbb

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rbleah 6 days ago
At her age your cousin has the right to choose who she wants to live with. Mom or Dad. Maybe dad would be willing to challange to the court for this? YOU? NTJ
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1. AITJ For Refusing To Drop Off My Grandad?

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“I (20M) live with my grandparents and have done so since I was born. My grandad and I used to get on quite well but over the last few years, he’s done things that have annoyed me such as annoying me 24/7 about the stupidest of things, taking food and drink I’ve paid for myself without asking or offering to pay me back and the most annoying one is nitpicking my driving.

We currently share a car, I got my license at 19. However, once I passed my test my grandparents told me I could drive their car while I’m at college as then I can save up more money to get a nicer car when I finish college and university.

Since I passed my test I never liked driving with my grandad, he turned into the worst backseat driver.

If I take a different route than he usually does going places he’ll complain about me taking the longest route and that I’m going the wrong way regardless of the fact I normally was following directions from my phone. He’d complain about windshield wipers being on and said that they shouldn’t be used often since the noise of them is ‘annoying’ and he’d complain about me turning on things such as the AC and adjusting the seat so I can see and drive properly.

While this has annoyed me the worst happened the other night.

We had plans to go to a family party and I assumed we would take a taxi or walk to it as it was close by and we would be having a drink but once I spoke to my grandad he told me I was driving therefore, I couldn’t have a drink at all (Legal drinking age in Scotland is 18). This annoyed but I had planned to stay home and relax that night as I had just done an exam.

When dropping them off my grandad criticized my driving the entire time, complained about me not making a turn regardless of the car that was speeding down, and told me that if I had my own car it would be screwed when I was unable to miss a pothole.

This ticked me off as I had been driving for a year and the only damage that had ever occurred to the car was a nail in the tire. This was unavoidable as the nail was too small to notice when parking and could have happened to anyone.

So it annoyed me when today he announced I was to drop him off on Saturday. Firstly it annoyed me as my birthday is the following week and I was going to go out with friends on Saturday and secondly it annoyed me as I know the entire time he will criticize my driving.

I told him no since he constantly nitpicks my driving and insinuated that my own car won’t last.

My gran told me I was being rude by saying no as he picks me up and drops me off if I ask him and told me to apologize which I did. However, my grandad ignored my apology and told me he’d just take a taxi. This resulted in an argument between my gran and grandad as she told him not to ignore my apology.

So AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ.

My grandmother does the same thing and I’ve stopped driving her around for the same reason (it’s too much stress for me).

The only difference between our stories is that I stopped AFTER I got my own car. It might not be nice to hear but part of using their car means you have to chauffeur him around sometimes despite his negative commentary.

Your Grandma is just trying to keep the peace.

I think, if you want, you should have a conversation with your Grandpa expressing why you don’t want to drive him around. Just note that if you choose not to drive him you might also lose access to the car.” EJ_1004

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. But there’s a great solution for this! Get your own car! Your grandfather is clearly not happy you’re using their car and being super obvious.

You need to stop ignoring the obvious. Even if it’s a beater car, it’s better than letting your relationship deteriorate. Stop driving their car immediately, it’s not worth it.” B_S_C

Another User Comments:

“NTJ.

I think ‘as you consider my driving unsatisfactory, I don’t think it’s safe or advisable for me to drive you anywhere any longer. Please find someone who drives to your satisfaction. If you’d like me to give you rides in the future, then I will take that as approval of my driving, and any further complaints will result in me immediately turning the car around and going home.’

Backseat drivers are distracting and a hazard. Don’t put up with that.” Eastern_Fox5735

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Pabs7 6 days ago
Buy your own car and move out if you’re not happy with your situation.

If you can’t do that and are dependent on other people for transportation and housing, then you need to keep quiet.
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