People Want Us To Assure Them That They're Blameless In Their "Am I The Jerk?" Stories

"I (27f) lost my husband in January 2022 while I was pregnant with our youngest. I’ve got three kids ages 6y, 3y, and 4mo.

Both sets of grandparents help out a lot and I am very grateful for that. However, since I had the youngest (my only daughter) my parents have been pressuring me to meet new people.

I’m not ready for that yet.

They’ve set me up without talking to me. They’ve invited these people over without telling me. The list goes on. This I handled.

However, when I picked up my kids from my parents' house yesterday my oldest asked me why I don’t want to give them another dad.

That grandma had told him that I didn’t care about them having a dad. I explained the best as I could that I wasn’t ready and I wanted to be sure they were ready as well.

After I got them into bed I called my parents.

I told them that they were way out of line bringing my kids into it and that they won’t be visiting for a while.

I’ve been getting messages nonstop from my parents, aunts, and uncles that they only want what’s best for me.

Now I’m wondering if I took it too far. Way too close to this.

So am I the jerk?"

Another User Comments:

"NTJ

Your parents have lost their minds. You just gave birth 4 months ago! You just lost your husband THIS YEAR.

You did the right thing - give them a timeout.

Put them on an information 'diet'. They don't have to know everything at all times. Slowly, over time, you can visit again, but for now, you can't leave them there, clearly, since they are out of line with what they're telling your SIX YEAR OLD.

They may have 'good intentions' but you know what the road to the underworld is paved with, right...?

Good luck and stay strong - you've got this - when the time is right you will meet someone else, but you need time to heal physically, mentally, and emotionally." Straight-Singer-2912

Another User Comments:

"NTJ. The only jerks here are your parents and family members who condone their disgusting behavior! What kind of parent sees their child's life partner die and instead of asking how they can support their child in their grief try to force them to 'move on'?

And what kind of grandparent would say something so disgusting to their grandchild trying to upset them and emotionally manipulate them instead of going out of their way to show extra love when they have just lost a parent? Your parents are disgusting!

You did the right thing to go no contact with them and prevent contact between your children and them, a parent's job is to protect their child and you did the right thing, protecting them from your parents who emotionally manipulated them - which is awful!

So sorry for your loss, and sorry you don't have a better support system like you deserve." Sunnymum93

Another User Comments:

"NTJ! You have not even begun to grieve and process your husband’s passing. Good job telling your parents no visits. Now it’s time for them to receive a list of boundaries and repercussions.

Discuss my remarrying in front of or with my children, even small comments, will result in 2 weeks of no contact. Figure out your boundaries and stick to them.

I would also have a conversation in person with your parents and tell them the third time they bring up a new daddy or husband, it will be a full year before they see your children again.

Period. They are not well intended, they do not have your or your children’s best interests in mind. They are attempting to force their misogynistic beliefs on you. You are a smart, strong, and brave person. You are protecting your children. You don’t want to be dragging people in and out of their lives. Sorry you are dealing with this crap." Neat-Boysenberry5333