People Want To See If We Can Handle Their "Am I The Jerk?" Stories
24. AITJ For Refusing To Serve My Husband?
“I (F 33) very recently started working as a waitress, I’m a high school dropout and my husband (M 30) used to be the sole provider.
The reason I got a job was cause I had to, my husband was against it but I had to, to be able to get the things I wanted without feeling guilty using my husband’s money since he has debts.
When I started working he had an attitude and kept making remarks about it. Last Friday we had guests over and I served them coffee, my husband wanted iced tea so I went to make it.
I gave him his drink and then went to sit with the guests. After he got done he started shaking the glass with the ice making a loud sound inside of it. He looked at me, said he needed more, and told me to refill it. I got up and went to the kitchen to refill it then came back, gave the glass to him then sat back down.
Again, after he got done he told me to go refill it. I was getting heated but just took it to the kitchen to refill it. Came back, gave it to him, and sat back down. Minutes later he started shaking it telling me to refill it again. I got upset and asked him why should I?
And he said that it’s technically my job. I was appalled I told him he was out of line to treat me as a servant and he needed to knock it off. He basically responded with ‘You have no problem serving strangers… you shouldn’t have a problem serving me then’. Then gave examples of how if I’m a masseuse then I’m expected to give him a massage, and if I’m a cook then I’m expected to cook for him, I said since he works in a car dealership then he’s expected to get me a car?
He said it’s not the same but I argued that those strangers pay me to do what I do. He clapped back with the ‘I pay to keep a roof over your head’ statement.
I couldn’t take it anymore, I got up, walked up to him, took the glass out of his hand while he was smirking like he one-upped me, and walked straight to the trashcan and dumped it there… then I casually walked past him and sat down.
He was staring the entire time not believing what I just did. The guests sensed the tension in the room and said they had to leave. The argument ensued and he went off on me saying that I was being passive-aggressive and disrespectful. I told him I’ve had it with him mocking my job that I got just to lighten his burden and help him with the debts, he said he wasn’t mocking it and that I was being melodramatic getting offended over nothing.
He ranted about how humiliating and disrespectful my behavior was when I dumped the glass in the trashcan and told me I made him look bad in front of our guests and should fix it in front of them, maybe hinting that I apologize publically but I said I won’t be doing this and he shouldn’t hold his breath.
He took offense to this statement and called me childish and petty.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
He felt humiliated and disrespected?
What he did with shaking that glass is the equivalent of jerks who click their finger to get the waiter’s attention in a restaurant. Treating you like some dog who’s meant to perk up at the sound of clinking ice and rush to serve him.
Your husband sounds like a huge jerk. And his argument is full of crap too. You can’t offer an example of certain jobs where his logic could apply to and he can’t pick which count and which don’t. They all do or they all don’t.
If you can, get your GED and leave him if you can.
He clearly doesn’t respect you at all and the fact you’re working and earning your own money clearly bothers him.” sarusagi
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. OP, you say your husband has debts – no, you now share that debt, unless you have a prenup.
While I would likely have said (the first time he wanted a refill) ‘Oh, the container’s in the fridge, I was listening to Susan talk about XYZ’ then turned my attention away from him – your husband is a total and complete jerk.
He should not be making your life hard for working, for heaven’s sake. He should not be belittling your job. You are taking the work you feel suits you for now. Save up, OP, and get a divorce. This man isn’t going to get any better.” User
23. AITJ For Bringing Up My Conservative Brother-In-Law's Ex At A Family Gathering?
“So my BIL (my husband’s brother) was married to a woman from Greece.
Her name is ‘Nana’, and the reason for their divorce was because of how much my conservative BIL tried to control her clothes and the places she went. He didn’t want the divorce and was hoping Nana would accept the life he offered and stay but she didn’t.
This happened 2 years ago. He now moved back in with my in-laws and we’d see him more often.
He tried to comment on how I dress on multiple occasions and it’s unbearable. But since my in-laws said he’s struggling and depressed I let it go.
On Friday my in-laws celebrated my husband’s 30th birthday at their home. I wore a heart-shaped blue dress and had my hair up. While we were eating my BIL pointed at me and said that my cleavage was showing and that I shouldn’t have worn this dress because it looked inappropriate for a family gathering.
I was utterly shocked, everyone was staring at me and I felt so embarrassed and on the spot. He looked at me waiting for me to blow up but I laughed and told him ‘Knock, knock!’ He said ‘Who’s there?’ I said ‘Nana’. Now he paused and seemed confused at the mention of this name.
He then faked a laugh and said ‘Nana who?’ I said ‘Nana your business what I’m wearing! Ok!’ He got upset and quickly left the table.
My SILs laughed but my husband and his parents were upset and later said that I was way out of line for bringing up Nana to my BIL knowing how heartbroken and depressed he is because of her.
His mom said that I was petty and didn’t need to dig at him just to prove a point.
My husband thinks I’m in the wrong as well and that I was being deliberately hurtful by bringing up Nana.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Depressed? Heartbroken? Yeah no he’s sulking because Nana refused to be controlled and manipulated a second longer and is now using you as a target/outlet.
Don’t apologize but feel free to have a long talk with your husband about how you’re not taking BIL’s crap anymore so he should probably do what he should have done THE FIRST TIME AND PUT HIS BROTHER IN HIS PLACE.” PommeDeSang
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your BIL literally blew up his own marriage and DROVE HIS WIFE AWAY with his inability to keep his inappropriate, thoughtlessly rude, controlling, misogynistic comments to himself, and the man STILL hasn’t learned his lesson?!
But you have a bigger problem. Because instead of expecting him to take responsibility for his behavior and learn from the consequences of his own actions, his own family – your husband included – is acting as though the end of your BIL’s marriage happened in a vacuum, as though his actions had nothing to do with anything, and his CONTINUED aggressively inappropriate behavior, now directed at you, is something to be coddled and sympathized with, instead of called out.
They’re actually scolding YOU for the same rotten behavior he has displayed continuously for years. They’re never going to be on your side. Not your husband, not any of them. It’s not just that he’s not going to get any better, it’s that you’re going to be treated just as badly as she was, and they’re just fine with that.
You may want to think hard about that.” FoolMe1nceShameOnU
22. AITJ For Not Wanting To Have Kids And Not Wanting My Parents To Move Closer To Us?
“I (28F) recently got married to my husband (28M). I have a sister who lives fairly close to my parents (~1.5 hours away and I live 15 hours away). My sister is unmarried but sees my parents on a monthly basis. Also, my parents have lived in the same house for 30 years with their best friends living next door.
In the past few years, my parents have started talking to my former fiancé and me about moving to live closer to us or getting a second home. I didn’t think much of it because growing up they always mentioned moving or getting a second place somewhere. About a year before my husband and I got married the conversations got much deeper that they couldn’t wait to live right next to their grandchildren.
My husband and I have discussed children and we don’t plan on having them. It’s a hard topic to discuss with family so I tried to lead hints that we did not want children or that we just couldn’t see having children right now.
I understood that once we got married their discussion of moving was more serious but now the topic of grandchildren is constantly being brought up.
If they move we will be the only people they have close to them within hours. My dad’s side of the family also currently lives 1.5 hours from them. I feel a lot of pressure. On top of that, it makes me extremely uncomfortable because they make it seem like my life will be unfulfilled and that I’m being selfish by not wanting a child.
To be fair, maybe we are being selfish. We have a dog who we treat as our child but we love getting up and going and have for the past 8 years being together. We love our independence and as I struggle with anxiety and depression, I did not want to throw a child into that.
Recently, I lost it at my dad. He brought up how they’re moving and that we’ll, ‘Get over it and have kids one day.’ I told him to respect my decision, stop bringing it up, and don’t move to live near me because I’m not dealing with this all the time.
He yelled back and said, ‘Deal with it. I don’t care if you adopt or have biological children but you’re having them.’ It makes me not even want to go visit my parents as I try to several times a year due to the distance. I’ve tried to set a boundary but they clearly don’t care or think they know better but maybe they do.
AITJ? Do I let them move and just deal with the comments?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This needs a calm rehearsed sit down come to Jesus talk. You and hubby need to make it very clear.
A. You will not be having children just to make them happy. You are happy to live child-free and that won’t change no matter how close they live.
B. You do not want them to move near you and will not be seeing them any more than you currently do even if they lived next door so they are much better off staying close to friends and family they already see regularly.
C. You will not have this conversation again. Talk of grandchildren will mean a long time out from you until they understand how rude and disrespectful it is to continue bringing it up to adults who have already made their views clear.” Anewstageinlife
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – Your parents aren’t respecting your decision as a couple, and trying to push their own feelings/opinions on you and your husband, which is not okay. It’s not selfish to decide you don’t want children, I hate it when people use that as their argument. Kids are not for everyone, and that’s perfectly okay.
It sounds like you could use some space from your parents and additional boundaries. I’d also note that if they choose to move closer to you, despite your feelings, you have no obligation to spend time with them.” Stranger0nReddit
21. AITJ For Refusing To Eat A Burger Someone Has Already Taken A Bite Out Of?
“So, today around lunch my mother and her friend were doing a project out in her yard.
I was over at her place to assist. They ran to Home Depot and on their way back texted me and asked if I wanted anything from a local burger joint. I ordered a bacon cheeseburger, fries, and a drink.
When they arrived the food was put on the table and the three bags of food (one for each of us) were sat out.
My mother got a fish sandwich which she found, her friend looked in the bag he had and said ‘This one’s mine’ so I assumed the remaining bag was mine. I got up and got some ice for my drink and when I came back I opened the wrapper on the burger.
Inside was a double cheeseburger with mustard dripping off it.
I can’t eat mustard it makes me sick. So I said, ‘They gave me the wrong food’. My mother’s friend looked at the burger he’d already taken three bites off of and said, ‘Well, I ordered a double cheeseburger.’ So he opened the burger he’d already started eating and said oops I got yours and handed it to me like I was supposed to eat it.
I looked at him like he was crazy and said ‘I’m not eating that, you already had it in your mouth’. So I slid his burger over to him, and he said ‘Well eat the double then’. I explained it was covered in mustard and that I can’t eat mustard. So my mother chimed in with ‘Just cut off the part he ate from and eat the rest’.
So I looked at her like she was crazy and said ‘I’m not eating food that was in someone else’s mouth, I’ll go buy something else to eat.’ So I left and went and bought me a burger and came back. By the time I got back, they were done and back outside.
I sat down to eat and she left a note that said ‘If you ever treat a friend of mine like that again you can just not come back here again’.
So I flipped it over, and wrote ‘I was here doing you a favor, you’re crazy if you think I’m going to eat food that’s been in someone else’s mouth just because you say so, you’re out of your mind.’ ‘That’s absolutely disgusting and I can’t believe you had the nerve to write me a note like this.’ ‘Next time, call your other son when you need help with a project and see if he answers his phone’.
(He ignores her calls because she’s always crazy like this).
So, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Even if you cut some off, it’s a burger. If they are anything like me (and it is a proper burger) three bites in my hands have been all over it and probably pushing the contents back in. Regardless it is your right to not eat it and go and buy yourself another.
How is that offending anyone else?” RoosterSea7003
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your mother’s friend ate 1/3rd of the burger. His hands had been on the remaining 2/3rds. He’d been breathing on it, spitting on it when he was speaking while eating and it was held close enough to his mouth. You were well within your rights to reject his offer to return it to you.
You went and got yourself a new burger at no cost to him. Your mother’s note seemed unnecessarily aggressive seeing as the situation was dealt with at no cost to her or him.” User
20. AITJ For Not Helping My Brother Pay His Debt Using My Savings?
“So my husband (M 31) and I (F 29) both have a ‘rags-to-riches’ story. I have 3 brothers and both parents while my husband was orphaned and was raised by his grandparents (who are now dead).
My husband and I are both from low-income families and became working students in order to pay for our college fees and hope for a better life. And thankfully we did get out of the gutter. I now earn less than my husband, and his monthly earnings are 5x as much as I earn, since he was raised in a conservative household he insisted that all expenses in our house should be covered by him since he’s the man of the house.
And it was never an issue between us because we both had a discussion about it.
Since his grandparents are now gone he tries to spoil me by buying me these designer bags 3x a year (during my birthday, Christmas, and our anniversary). I would sometimes post this stuff on my social media account as an appreciation post for him.
I never asked him for any of these but I’m always thankful since I know how proud he is of himself because he can now buy stuff like this. I don’t ask him for my personal things since I have my own job and own money, especially since he’s the one who pays for everything in the house.
When I became pregnant my husband and I agreed that I’d stop working for a while since we badly wanted a baby and I sadly already had 2 miscarriages before due to too much stress from work. It was a mutual decision that I’ll get back to work when our daughter is 3 years old since I want to be more hands-on especially since she’s still a kid (she’s 6 months old now).
Now, 1 of my brothers got into immense debt due to his addiction, and by immense debt I mean an amount totaling my husband’s 1 year salary. And right now he’s asking me to pay all of it as help because we’re siblings and he still has little kids, and he would go to jail if the debt can’t be paid for.
I then explained to him that I’d help if I could but due to me being jobless for a while, I don’t really have much money to vouch for him. He told me to just sell all my bags or ask my husband to pay for it. I told him that that’s absurd and the most I can do is take care of his kids and pay for their education and other needs.
He told me that he knew I had savings from work and why couldn’t I touch them.
My savings were there in case my marriage fell apart or anything happened to my husband so I and my kid could survive on our own. He kept on insisting on how selfish I am and that I ‘don’t know how to look back’ or ‘recognize family’.
The other reason why I don’t want to ask my husband is because he told me before that he didn’t really like my brother because of his addiction.
So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“With all due respect… if your brother is an addict on the verge of losing his kids, the best thing to do is to let him go to jail and to take in the kids so they don’t go into the system.
Because he won’t use all that money to pay off his debt.
He will pay off just enough to keep him from going to jail and the rest will go right up his nose or directly into his veins.
NTJ.” The__Riker__Maneuver
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He is trying to make you responsible for his own failings.
If you fix it, he will act like the debt disappeared and this will happen again and again, there will always be a reason to ask you to pay for things while he squanders his funds elsewhere.
HE is the selfish one for spending his family’s money. Don’t allow him to create conflict in your marriage by taking over his debt.
Stand firm and don’t give him a cent.” Slow-Bumblebee-8609
19. AITJ For Being Mad At My Mom For Feeding My Babies Formula?
“I’m the youngest of five siblings and I’ve been treated like a child well into adulthood (I’m 23). Of my siblings, I’m the second to have children of my own, 8-week-old twin girls.
I’ve had a hard time being taken seriously as a mom and my partner (28M) gets more respect as a parent than I do, even though I put my career on hold so that I could spend more time at home with the girls.
I made the decision pretty early in my pregnancy with the twins that I wanted to breastfeed, and my family, particularly my mom and sister, have had pretty strong opinions against this.
The logic is that because my mom and sister both only fed formula to their children, I should do the same because ‘everyone turned out fine’.
When the twins were born, I still tried to breastfeed exclusively and eventually my partner and I came up with a combination feeding routine that worked out for us.
A few days ago, my mom and sister were helping me around the house and with the girls while my partner was at work. After I fed the twins around noon, I told my mom that I was going to sleep, and told her to wake me up when the girls needed to be fed.
When I woke up later that evening my mom and sister were chatting with my partner, I asked where the girls were. My mom told me since I slept through both my alarm and the twins crying, she fed them formula so that I could rest.
I was mad and pointed out that I explicitly told her to wake me up because I didn’t want to mess up the feeding routine.
My mom said that she was sorry for letting me rest and giving me a break and that she thought I would be grateful. My sister chimed in that it’s not a big deal for me to miss one feeding and that I should calm down.
I told them that I don’t want them to help with the twins anymore if they aren’t going to care about my priorities… My mom and sister scolded me about how I’m ungrateful and stupid to not trust them, and that I’m making things unnecessarily hard on myself.
I said that I felt like they didn’t take me seriously or respect me. It ended up being a nasty (verbal) fight.
My partner cut the whole thing off, saying that we all should talk later. Before she left, my mom said that I was going to have to apologize if I wanted her help with the girls again.
My partner said that I should apologize to my mom because she and my sister have been our only help so far and he does not know when his family is going to be able to help out (if at all) and he’s worried that I will get overwhelmed watching the twins alone.
I explained that I wasn’t upset that she fed them formula, but more so that she ignored what I asked of her because she felt like she knew better… He still said I would be smart to apologize.
While I’m probably going to end up apologizing for what I said because I don’t have another option, it feels like I’m the only one who feels like I have a right to be upset here. My twin’s feeding schedule was messed up because of this and it was a pain to get back on track.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“It’s the way they went about it. Feed because mom is sleeping like a corpse and obviously needs the rest? Ok fine I get that, I kept a little formula in the cabinet when my son was breastfeeding just for these rare occasions. But the attitude they gave you? Calling you stupid?
That was uncalled for. It sounds like a long history of disrespect so no you’re justified in your reaction. NTJ.” Ssshushpup23
Another User Comments:
“Apologize for what? I’m surprised you didn’t wake up in excruciating pain from missing a scheduled feeding. Watching your children is a wonderful thing to do if it’s going to make your life easier, not if they’re going to disrespect your wishes and upend your children’s routines.
This is unacceptable and how you respond to this sets a precedent for how you expect your boundaries to be respected in the future. NTJ, and stand your ground.” Classic_Special7045
18. AITJ For Not Wanting To Name My Baby After My Mom?
“My (28F) husband (32M) and I are pregnant. My siblings and I have always been on good terms. They supported me throughout the pregnancy and offered to help once the baby came.
My mother and I had always been close but I called numerous times to talk and she never responded or got back to my calls.
I was 6 months pregnant and she hadn’t talked to me since I announced it. I asked my older sister to talk to her for me since I had tried everything and wanted her to be involved since she was going to be a grandmother.
Later on, my mom called me and asked why I sent my sister.
I told her that she wasn’t responding to my calls and I even tried to go to her house and talk but she wasn’t there. She tells me that she isn’t okay with my pregnancy. That I got pregnant out of wedlock. She got mad and told me I had gone too far off the rails and there was no coming back.
I have never been religious but have always tried to respect her beliefs.
Yes, I got married because I was pregnant to respect my mother. I tried keeping calm since she was still the grandmother and I wanted to be on good terms with her once the baby would come.
She later on tells me that she never liked my husband and wouldn’t be comfortable being around my child.
I tried numerous times to speak and clear things off.
A few days later we were all on a family call, all siblings and my mother celebrating my father’s birthday since he had passed a few years ago. I then announced the baby’s name which we had decided would be Anastasia. My mother got super mad and told me that since she was the grandmother and my daughter was the first grandchildren she should be named after her.
I told her it made no sense since she wanted nothing to do with my daughter.
My older sister (AKA firstborn female in the family) is named after my grandmother. My aunt is named after hers and so forth.
I kept the name we had chosen which was Anastasia and since then my mother has not spoken to me.
I tried contacting her multiple times but it’s a dead end.
So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
And it sounds like your mother is used to having the upper hand in getting you to comply with her wishes, that’s why you got married, to please her?
Please get some therapy for yourself OP if you need it, you’re making good progress by not giving in to her demands, but I suspect there is a history of her mistreating you and using the silent treatment to coerce you into complying.
Good on you for not giving in to her demands. Also, be prepared to cut contact with your mother if she starts calling the child a sin and being mean to her.” Rohini_rambles
Another User Comments:
“You do know that you will never win your mother’s approval right? You wanted your Mum involved in the pregnancy and your Mum told you she disliked that you were unwed so you got married and she told you she still didn’t want to be involved as a Grandma.
Your Mum wants you to name your daughter after her not because she wants her granddaughter named after her, or because you naming your child after her is the key to getting her involved, but because she wants you to always be seeking her approval, which she never intends to give. It’s much easier to free yourself from the cycle and disengage.
NTJ.” excel_pager_420
17. AITJ For Telling My Mom I Won't Be Taking Care Of Her Child If She Ever Has Another One?
” “My mother (50F) and I (13F) have a rocky relationship. I have about 6 siblings, and we all have huge age gaps that affect our relationship. I am not saying I don’t love them which I kind of don’t but our ages affect our relationships greatly.
I don’t think a 30-year-old woman is supposed to have a 3-year-old brother. I find that messed up. (this is important for the story)
The other day, we were having dinner while my parents and two oldest siblings were away, and I heard the news from my aunt that my mother was planning for another baby.
I genuinely thought she was joking so I jokingly said that I would move out to my dad’s apartment in another city if that was true. When I tell you the horror on my face when she said that she was dead serious and that my father was in on this too.
Now I understand they’re a couple and want children but for Pete’s sake, I don’t want to take care of another baby.
I am already drained as it is so another child is not going to help. I don’t want the responsibility of another child. Take into consideration that my mom is sick and almost died giving birth to our youngest plus the other surgeries she had. She already has 7 children and we are all blessed to have her and we all love her equally but I can’t do this anymore.
This is the part where I may be the jerk. I stood up and said if they were having another child, I would NOT be taking care of it. My aunt laughingly said that it was not my decision to make and that I had no say in this and couldn’t do anything but accept it.
Now I’m getting called a jerk by my family and some family friends who I don’t even know. I’m now really starting to doubt my decision since they’re my parents but I still don’t want the responsibility of another child. AITJ here?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. At 50, it might not be possible anyway, but if your mom does get pregnant, it will be risky for her and the baby.
I think that is irresponsible. If it happened accidentally, that’s different, but to be trying for it? Not a good plan. She could die and you could be left caring for a special needs child.” Crzy_Grl
Another User Comments:
“I honestly loathe adults who have kids that their current kids then raise. It’s not fair to you at all and is abuse, it’s called parentification.
Do your best to work hard in school so you can go to college/university. I know working will be tough because parents like this usually forbid you from getting a job because they want free child labor raising their kids they shouldn’t be having.
I’m so sorry for your situation, maybe try talking to a guidance counselor if you can to see if they can help you figure out next steps.
Legal emancipation is an option but it’s really tough as most places require you to be 16 years old.
NTJ but you don’t have any control over this and that really sucks.” CuriousPenguinSocks
16. AITJ For Refusing To Babysit My Single Mom Best Friend's Baby On My Own?
Mia (34F) and I (28F) have been best friends for 11 years. I love her like a sister and until now we’ve never fallen out. Neither of us has family close by or a wide circle of friends, so I really want to try and resolve this issue as best I can.
About 5 years ago, Mia told me that if she hadn’t met a man by the time she turned 35 then she would go the sperm donor route and become a single mother.
That time has now arrived so she’s planning on starting the IVF process and getting pregnant next year. I fully support her decision and think she’ll make an incredible parent, with or without a partner.
The problem started a couple of months ago when she casually mentioned over dinner that her future baby would love spending time with their Aunty OP.
I laughed and reminded her I’ve never had any maternal instincts, so the three of us will need to hang out as a trio because I’ll be new to being an Aunty. She asked what I meant, so I clarified I wouldn’t be babysitting as I’m not comfortable being responsible for small children on my own, but I would happily spend time with both of them together.
Mia went quiet and then moved the conversation along so I didn’t think much else of it.
Fast forward to yesterday when we were in her car and Mia unexpectedly launched a story about her friend in Spain who also used a sperm donor to become a single mother and her friendship circle has been helping look after the baby so she can continue building her career.
Mia then said, ‘Having a strong female support network is so important when raising children, I love that we would do anything for each other’. I noticed she was putting a big emphasis on childcare so again, I reminded her I wouldn’t be able to babysit, but was quick to let her know I would support her in any other way I could.
I told her I could cook, clean, keep her company, be at the hospital, buy her child whatever they needed. Anything outside of babysitting solo. She laughed and said, ‘It’s so funny you have no idea how much you’re going to love this baby, you’ll enjoy taking care of your godchild more than you realize!’
Alarm bells were going off so I admittedly took a blunt tone and told her it’s not going to be my kid, it’s hers and I’m not comfortable with the responsibility of looking after a baby on my own (I have sensory issues and anxiety, screaming kids make me panic in a big way). I’m not doing it and I’m not changing my mind.
She looked genuinely hurt and said most people would do anything to help out a single mum and she couldn’t understand why I wouldn’t want to do this for her. She also said it’s ‘worrying and abnormal’ for me to be so nervous about looking after a baby, and mentioned she doesn’t have anyone else to help so this has come as a horrible surprise.
She dropped me home and we haven’t spoken since. I feel awful about all of it – AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She says ‘most people would do anything to help out a single mum.’ But first, she’s choosing to be a single mum, which is different from a woman who gets divorced or whose partner abandons her and may need temporary help while she regains her footing.
She’s planning a life where you are the de facto babysitter, which isn’t the same as lending a hand from time to time. And second, she talks about ‘a strong female support network,’ but she seems to mean… you. And third, did she ask you if you were willing to be the godparent? This sounds like she’s trying the rare stunt of baby-trapping a friend.
Don’t let her do this to you.” TemptingPenguin369
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. That’s a cute anecdote of how it’s going for her friend in Spain, but I’m sorry… in what world would ‘most people do anything to help out a single mum’. All you have to do is talk to more than one single mother to know how little help and support they often receive.
Your friend has created a fantasy world in her head and now expects you to live in it.” Atarlie
15. AITJ For Claiming My Late Cousin's Daughter As My Own?
“When my (I’m 32, female) cousin Jane was pregnant, her husband passed away in an accident. She gave birth to a daughter, Rose but shortly after, Jane passed from a sudden stroke. Jane and I were always close and her family was planning on putting Rose up for adoption, but I said I’d adopt her.
It was a long and tedious process, but eventually, I adopted Rose as a single mom. She’s my everything, the day she first called me mom is the greatest day of my life. She’s 6 now and we’ve built a great little life together. Rose doesn’t know I’m not her biological mother, but I will tell her everything when she’s older.
Jane didn’t have a good relationship with her family, especially her mom and sister Brenda. Brenda and I don’t get along very well either and I’ve mostly tried to steer clear of her. My aunt recently hosted a Mother’s Day party and I went with Rose – obviously, Brenda was there too. As I mentioned earlier, Rose calls me mom so when I called her over to have lunch, she yelled ‘coming, mom’ (she was playing with some other kids).
Brenda heard, she didn’t say anything then but later came over, asking why Rose calls me mom because she’s really her sister’s child. I just said that biologically, yes she’s Jane’s but she is my daughter and of course, she’ll call me mom. Brenda then asked if I ‘forced’ Rose to call me mom and since she was Jane’s real sister, if anyone is Rose’s mom, it’s her.
She kept going on about how I was ‘isolating’ Rose from her real family and I got annoyed.
I snapped and said that she and her mom couldn’t care less about Jane when she was around (Brenda was always the golden child, and my aunt was emotionally abusive to Jane, she didn’t approve of Jane’s husband, and a lot of other stuff).
I went on and said even when Jane passed, they were trying their absolute best to get rid of Rose and she (Brenda) didn’t say a word then, so why all the commotion now? Brenda looked really surprised, called me a ‘nosy jerk’, and walked out.
I left shortly after, but I guess Brenda told my aunt because she later called me and said I was incredibly rude to her and she was going through a difficult time because her partner lost his job (don’t know how that relates to the matter at hand, but okay).
She said I thought too highly of myself and I should apologize and ‘make it up’ to Brenda. My mom also messaged me after to say she understood but I went too far. I’ve been wondering since, did I really? Was I acting like a jerk towards Brenda – she is technically of closer relation to Rose than I am?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but you URGENTLY need to tell Rose her true origin story. Your cousin’s family are wild cards who could tell her in an upsetting way. And she will be able to accept this at age 6 much better than if you wait until 8 or 10 or 12 when this news will be devastating and she’ll feel her whole life is a lie and you are an untrustworthy liar.” Allimack
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. But I would tell Rose immediately, if not sooner, that she is not your biological daughter. If you don’t, Brenda or someone else will. Get some guidance on how exactly to do this. But, make it a lovely story about how this wonderful baby girl named Rose arrived in your life to be her mom.
Tell her Rose didn’t grow in your belly but in your heart. And that the 2 of you are now living happily ever after. (Or something like this.) leave out how no one wanted her, etc.” SpecialistOk577
14. AITJ For Making My Sister Jealous Of Cookies She Can't Eat?
“I (21f) recently bought cookies from the store. When I came home, I offered some to my little sister (14f) but she quickly stopped me as she saw some nuts that she (might be) allergic to inside the cookies.
My sister is allergic to a lot of the same things as my mom, and my mom is allergic to nearly everything. My sister had an allergic reaction to the nuts when she was a baby, but you can grow out of allergies you had at that age. My brother sure did. When I brought this up to my sister and mom, they still didn’t want to risk it due to not having an EpiPen or Benadryl nearby.
I brought up that we’ll never know unless we try, but they were still reluctant. I tried to fight for her because I saw her eyeing the cookies, but she wouldn’t budge. I decided that nothing would convince her, so I just tried the cookies myself. The cookies were delicious, I couldn’t help myself.
I started saying things ‘These cookies are bomb!’ And ‘These are so good!’ Because I have a sweet tooth, it was a natural reaction. I saw my sister glaring, but she always looked like she was glaring even when she was not, so I wasn’t so sure if she was mad or not.
She didn’t say anything, and usually, she’s always making comments. I didn’t want her to think I didn’t care so I told her ‘I wish you could have some.’ But I don’t think it made things better. But still, I’m wondering if I’m the jerk for choosing to eat those in front of her instead of when she was out of the room.
I can’t eat them in my room, because it’s a rule in the house not to eat in our rooms. The kitchen and the living room are connected, so even though I was eating them in the kitchen and my sister was on the couch in the living room, she could still see me.
I don’t really THINK I’m a jerk since I bought the cookies with my own money, but I might be. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ – not for eating the cookies but for all the assumptions you’re making about your mother’s and sister’s allergies. What exact qualifications or knowledge do you have that you can suggest they just ‘try’ it to see if they’ve grown out of their often life-threatening nut allergy?
Lol, I had to re-read for your age because you sounded 15.” tinny36
Another User Comments:
“YTJ for exclaiming over the cookies when she can’t have any. It’s tough when someone’s eating tasty treats in front of you, that you can’t have. You made it worse by going on about how great they were. Whether you meant to or not, you really came across as rubbing it in.
Maybe she wasn’t making comments because she was upset, and didn’t want you to see it.” karskipellis
13. AITJ For Congratulating A Customer On Losing Weight?
“I work at a restaurant and we serve booze. So one man orders a drink and I ask for his ID. When he showed me the ID at first I had to take a second look because the man on the ID looked a lot bigger than the guy I saw, so after I looked for the same facial features I thought they were similar enough and I told the guy ‘Congrats on losing the weight’ as a friendly comment.
I know how hard it can be and I personally like it when people notice (and there was nobody with him so he could be embarrassed by them knowing).
The man got FURIOUS saying that this was not an appropriate comment to say. I said sorry and took the rest of his order. When another waiter came by he demanded to see the manager and told him he was deeply offended by what I said.
My manager told me that the man was deeply offended and I told him I was sincerely sorry, I didn’t mean any harm by the comment, it was supposed to be a friendly compliment after all.
My coworkers asked about it and they couldn’t understand why he got so mad. After thinking about it, it could’ve been a bit too personal and I shouldn’t have made the comment, but was I really a jerk?
To the point that he asked my manager to reprimand me about it instead of saying that was inappropriate and leaving it at that? I legitimately don’t know, I try to treat people the way I like to be treated and I personally would be quite happy if a person saw my ID and said I look slimmer.
So it’s hard for me to see past my own personal bias and I would like to legitimately know, AITJ here?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
Losing weight is not everyone’s goal and it isn’t always positive. He could have an eating disorder, he could have gotten sick, it could have been many things.
It was personal and not your business.
I understand to you personally that’s a positive thing and that you meant to be friendly, but it was actually a really invasive and potentially hurtful comment.
Honestly, as a fat person who would like to get healthier, it would still make me super uncomfortable if I lost weight and someone made this comment to me.
It would just validate to me the fear that the first thing everyone sees now when they see me is how ‘wrong’ my body is.
I think the main lesson in this is to not comment on people’s bodies unless it’s someone close to you whose relationship w weight loss and their body you genuinely understand—and honestly even then, be cautious.” sr9876
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
You should NEVER bring up topics as personal as weight to complete strangers. You don’t know them and don’t know what they’ve been through. I know I’d be completely put off if a random worker said something like that to me. Also, the guy could have thought you were being sarcastic and making fun of him.” ScreenCoral
12. AITJ For Wanting My Daughter To Get A Driver's License?
“My (47m) daughter (16f) doesn’t want to learn how to drive. Public transportation isn’t particularly great around here so I think it’s a stupid idea. At least get your license to have it, y’know? Anyway, it’s been an uphill battle since she got her permit to get her to learn to drive. I completely understand the fear of driving as it is a pretty terrifying thing, but I still think she should get her license.
She has never been in a car accident and has no car-related trauma. The only thing she has to do is put in the hours and take a behind-the-wheel class.
As the months have gone on and she’s complained each time I’ve wanted to take her out driving and insisted that she just doesn’t want to get her license I decided to pick my battles.
I won’t make her work toward getting her license if she is so vehemently against it. But, if she’s not working on getting her license with me, then I won’t take her anywhere nonessential. I’ll take her places WITH me, visiting grandma’s house and school, those kinds of things, but I won’t take her to her friend’s houses like I did when she wasn’t of age to get her license.
She said okay and agreed. If she ever wants to go out driving with me and work on getting it then I am more likely to take her/pick her up (obviously I can’t do it every time) to/from places while she’s actively trying to get her license. Along with that, if there’s any emergency or if she’s uncomfortable at a place she got a ride to I’m understanding about that.
Friday night she asked me if I could take her to her friend’s house. I reminded her of our agreement and she looked upset and said none of her friends would pick her up. I shrugged and said tough luck. Sunday she asked again – could I drop her off at Starbucks to see a friend, as her friend couldn’t pick her up?
I told her no and that if she had her license this wouldn’t be an issue.
But as time has gone on a bit I worry that I’m isolating her socially by doing this. But also, why can’t/aren’t her friends picking her up? I feel conflicted but I also feel like asking her to put in the hours to get her license and pass behind the wheel is not much to ask.
We live in a small town so places like Starbucks and her friend’s house aren’t a cross-city drive so I feel even more that this is not a big deal. I don’t know, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Please don’t take this as an attack, but could the issue be that she doesn’t want to learn to drive with you?
When I was 16, driving lessons with my parents in the church parking lot often resulted in screaming and tears. But getting enrolled in a local driver’s ed course turned things around for me. Maybe you could try finding another trusted adult in her life to reach out to her.” Hoobiezz
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here
You make a fair point.
But… if a kid is persistently doing something that seems against their own interest, there’s usually something else going on. This just doesn’t seem like ‘laziness’, does it? Maybe she’s just not willing to understand yet why you’re not a chauffeur, or maybe it’s something else.
Getting answers out of teens can for sure be like pulling teeth.
She’s insisting she ‘just doesn’t want to’ but it has to be more than that, so I reckon try to talk to her about what it is. She needs to be honest about what the issue is, and you need to assure her that you will help her deal with it.
She’s making her own bed by not being upfront with you about the problem, but teens can get some weird ideas in their heads about what they can talk about, when, to whom, or whether anyone will help them, so as the person with the fully-formed brain you’ve gotta do some digging sometimes as part of parenting.
You’re fine to hold the line on to driving her around, but you should do a bit of digging to help find the root of the problem.” Left-Car6520
11. AITJ For Telling My Brother To Break Up With His Significant Other?
“My brother (20) has been coming to me for advice on his significant other (22) because she’s been kind of a lot, projecting a lot of her insecurities onto him and their relationship, blaming him for her bad feelings and feelings of inadequacy, etc.
I’ve been telling him to communicate with her about how all that has been making him feel and to be patient.
According to him, she had horrible experiences with her ex, so now she has trust issues and stuff. That’s why I said to just communicate and be patient because if they really love each other and want to be together, they’ll work on it.
Well, he just came to me again because they had another argument.
I don’t know what they were talking about that brought them to this point but he brought up that he used to want to try going to bars/clubs because they seemed like fun, and she basically said something like ‘Well, I’m sorry you can’t do that anymore because of me. If you want to do it, then tell me so we can break up and still be good friends.’ And then she mentioned her toxic ex and how they’d said the exact same thing to her and then turned around and flirted with people in bars and had an affair.
My brother took that hard and explained to her what he meant and that he didn’t appreciate being compared to a manipulative liar. She said that’s not what SHE meant and that he’s putting words in her mouth.
Now he’s asking me for advice again, and I think I’m the jerk because I got annoyed and just bluntly said, ‘You should just break up with her.
It doesn’t seem like she’s a good influence on you if you’re always worrying about being compared to her toxic ex.’
He went quiet and stormed out of the room after I said that.
To be honest, I feel like that was a jerk move to not be more understanding, but I also think I’m more in the right because he’s so wound up about it and deserves better than that.
AITJ? Should I apologize?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
First and foremost: he came to you for advice. Don’t ask questions you don’t want answers to.
Second: if his retellings are accurate, she’s toxic and manipulative and he probably should dump her.
You can apologize for the tone of your response if you feel bad about it, but you shouldn’t apologize for the content.
My suggestion is something like: ‘I’m sorry I wasn’t more patient. I didn’t mean to hurt your feelings. But you came to me for advice and I wanted to be honest. You seem more unhappy in this relationship than happy, and I feel like she may not be treating you very well, even if it’s because of her trauma.
I’m your sibling and I will always be biased towards your well-being.” oliviamrow
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, the girl needs therapy. Your brother can have all the patience in the world but her insecurities are something she has to work on herself. Her having been betrayed is a difficult situation to come back from but really she shouldn’t be in a relationship if she won’t be able to trust the other person.” throaway_indecisive
10. AITJ For Saying My Stepsister And Stepdad Aren't The Best Things To Ever Happen To Me?
“My mom married my stepdad Luke 4 years ago, but they have been together for 7 years. Luke has a daughter Jana who is 15 and I’m 16. My dad died 18 months before Mom and Luke started going out. Jana’s mom died when she was an infant.
She was always more into the blended family than I was. She was so excited to have a mother figure and a sister. I struggled with it, a lot. My mom got me therapy which did help somewhat but I know she hoped therapy would help me be fully all in on the blended journey.
She’s never pushed but I know she has said stuff like it would be nice if I saw Jana as just a sister instead of a stepsister and if I accepted Luke as a second dad.
I would say Luke and I get along better than Jana and me. He’s pretty chill about me not seeing him as my second dad.
He does give me the vibe that he wishes I loved Jana as a sister but he’s not a jerk to me. I would say Jana and I get along 65% of the time. Jana has always said her dad marrying my mom is the best thing that ever happened to us. It always bothers me because it’s not true for me, and I have pointed out before how I had to lose my dad to get into the blended family, but she sees it as worth the sacrifice.
In 2019 she and I got into a heated fight over a concert. The concert landed on the anniversary of my dad’s death. She wanted us to go all together. I didn’t feel up to going on that day. I am never in a partying mood on that day. She called me a sourpuss (she got in trouble for that) and she told me it was like I regretted what I had by looking backward.
Stuff like that grinds my gears. My mom has told me to ignore it because she doesn’t have the same experiences I do since she never knew her mom.
The other day she was going on about this nonsense again and made a comment that I never act like this is the best thing ever.
She was less hyper about it and sunshiney than usual so I told her it was because this wasn’t the best thing to ever happen to me. She told me she knows she and her dad are the best things that happened to me and my mom, just like we were that for her and her dad.
I said they weren’t the best things to happen to me. That they could never be because getting them meant I had to lose my dad and I would never have chosen for this to be my life. That I would always choose to have my dad back if I could.
She got upset and cried about it to her dad who told her she needed to see it from my perspective.
Then she got mad. Then Luke and my mom told me I should have left it alone because Jana is freaking out about what I said.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It sounds like Jana is very much in need of therapy. For Jana, having a mother figure is probably all she’s ever wanted but she is being completely insensitive as to how the situation came about for you.
She really does need to start seeing it from your perspective. Trying to push you into loving the new family is only going to cause a larger rift.” Elleketel
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It sounds like she is the one that probably needs therapy.
Just by reading your story – if I’m doing the math right, you were 7-8 when you lost your dad.
Very much old enough to remember you as a family unit. It also means you are going to be old enough to remember the day your father died.
She lost her mom as an infant. Effectively, her mom does not exist to her except as the person who brought her into this world. (I don’t mean this in a bad way – she just has no memory of her).
It’s also very possible at her age, she’s never had to deal with grief/losing someone. (again, losing someone as an infant is going to be different).
Effectively, this was the best thing that ever happened to her. I’m guessing she’s insecure/scared it’ll go away somehow, and her attempt at getting you to confirm it is to minimize that insecurity.
Doesn’t make her right; but I sympathize and hope she can get the help she needs.” SDstartingOut
9. AITJ For Telling The Mother Of My Sons That It's Not A Good Idea To Go Out With A Child-Free Man?
“So I’m (36M) a doctor and a father of two boys (both 8M). I’m also gay but have always wanted children; so me and my best friend (35F) decided to try for kids ‘together’ after finishing our studies as we believed we’d make good co-parents. And it’s worked out really well, (so far).
We live in the same neighborhood (in separate houses) and share custody 50/50 (no formal custody agreement). The boys spend a week at my place and spend the next week at hers. We also have a family dinner on Sundays where we all go out to grab a meal together.
I work as a doctor full-time (50ish hours/week) and spend the evenings with my children on the weeks that I have them.
On alternate weeks, I work my usual doctor hours but also spend the evenings running my small (but profitable) e-learning business. I work 100+ hours (combined) on the weeks that I don’t have my children.
Things had been running smoothly until around 3 months ago when my children’s mother started going out with a child-free man.
She is absolutely smitten by him and now plans to move in with him. She called me a week ago and asked to change when we each have the kids. She asked to only have them on weekends from now onwards, while I have them during the week.
This is how our conversation went:
I told her that if she was doing this for her new partner, she was being ridiculous and that she should rethink going out with a man who is childfree when SHE HAS CHILDREN.
She screamed back that she could go out with whomever she liked and that she’d put her life on the back burner for too long for ME(?) and the kids.
I laughed and replied ‘Me? I never asked you for anything nor ever tried to interfere in your personal life!’
She got very childish and told me it was because I had ‘no personal life’ (which is, admittedly, true as I’m always busy with work and the kids).
She proceeded to call me a trashy parent who loved my work more than the kids and that I didn’t need to work in the evenings on my ‘extra-curricular’ anyway.
I reminded her my ‘business’ paid for her house.
She hung up on me and sent me a text telling me that I was financially blackmailing her.
Since then, she’s threatened to take me to court over unpaid child support, which is honestly baffling as we share custody 50/50. I also pay for all the expensive things the boys need from their music lessons to all their clothes and electronics.
I guess she would have a case as I earn much more than she does.
But she’s also never mentioned taking me to court before.
I feel I should just agree, to be honest, as I think the boys (who aren’t aware of this situation yet) may end up feeling rejected/sidelined by their mother. The last thing I’d want is for them to think I, too, wasn’t prioritizing them.
I’d also hate to get lawyers and courts involved over child support and custody agreements and stuff. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for wanting to continue with the arrangement you all set up in the beginning, but both of you are irresponsible bordering on jerkish for not having all of this down contractually from the very beginning.
It’s your obligation to have a plan structured legally so that if anything like what’s happening now comes up your poor children aren’t subject to a ridiculous, contentious, and drawn-out legal back and forth between their parents.
Your children’s mother can absolutely go after you for child support based on the discrepancy in your incomes, and you’re going to be hurling funds at an attorney and scrambling to figure out what’s owed or not based on contributions you’ve made and she’s made and so on over the past eight years.
It’s not a battle you want to be involved in even if you ‘win.’
Get an attorney and get your affairs in order now, get a formal custody agreement in place.” ijustwantedmytruck
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – Get a lawyer and get a formal arrangement as soon as possible. Child support is based first on how custody is shared and second on the income of the parent with less custody.
So during the time you have been 50/50, there would have been no child support. If she wants to reduce her custody, then SHE would owe YOU child support. And it would be based on her income, not yours. Even if she backs off and agrees to go 50/50 again, get the legal agreement so there is no confusion going forward.
I would also push back on her keeping 50/50 if she stays with this guy in case it is just to avoid having to pay support.
It also seems like she is either starting to resent your kids or always has. You may want to check in with your kids and make sure that they are not feeling this from her.
If she does go through with drastically reducing custody, make sure to get your boys in therapy. No doubt they will feel a sense of abandonment.
You are a parent. Fight for your kids and what they deserve.” Forward_Squirrel8879
however if you only do that to pay for her housing then that's mute if she's moving in with him cos she won't have rent to pay.... unless she expects you to gove her the housing money for spends instead of paying for her and the kids home now..
You have no rights to tell her who she can have as a partner the same as she can't tell you, but she's right you need to lose the sideline amd work on your work life balance of she wants you to have the boys full time at your place cos it sounds like she on,y plans on having them at weekends so you have childcare to figure out
8. AITJ For Refusing To Fire My Daughter's Ex From Our Family Business?
“The boy in question is named Jayden (22M), my (45f) husband (46M) and I have known him for 15 years since he’s the son of one of our friends. He and my daughter Tati (21F) have had the same friend group for a few years now, in college they befriended this girl named Paige (21F).
My hubby and I loved Jayden with all of our hearts, Tati is our only child and we thought of him as our son. We believed they would get married one day so I decided to teach him the family business since he was 17-18 so he could take care of it one day (Tati is not interested).
I hired Paige for a while, but she ended up quitting because she had to take care of her mother because she broke her ankle.
A year ago Tati told us that she and Jayden were expecting and while we worried because they’re too young, we were happy for them. Sadly, my daughter had a miscarriage and ended with severe depression.
I saw Jayden doing everything she wanted, as you can imagine, my daughter began to snap easily and started to treat the poor boy badly. We talked to her, and we told her it wasn’t fair but she wouldn’t listen, she said we ‘didn’t understand’ nor did Jayden, and that she had just lost a child.
During a fight, Tati broke up with Jayden, it was pretty common during those days and he always came back saying sorry but that time, he didn’t. He kept showing up to work, he kept talking to my husband and me but it seemed that he was done with Tati, and as unfair as it sounds I don’t blame him.
Eventually, he started to go out with Paige and this (obviously) enraged my daughter, she demanded I no longer leave the business to Jayden because he wouldn’t be ‘family’ anymore. I stupidly said yes because my daughter was grieving and heartbroken. Jayden understood. I thought that was it, Tati never demanded anything else until two weeks ago when Jay told us that Paige was expecting, I guess it triggered Tati so she demanded (again) that I fire Jayden because he has no business around us anymore.
I don’t know why, but I declined. It doesn’t seem fair, Jayden has proven to me that he’s cut out for this, he knows what he’s doing, he’s a good boss, he’s smart and people trust him. So I said no. Tati went to her dad crying and my husband demanded I fire Jayden as soon as possible but I said no again, he said he would fire him himself then and I said he wasn’t allowed because the business belongs to my side of the family and my dad was still alive, so he had the last word.
My husband keeps telling me that I’m a jerk for choosing Jayden over Tati, so maybe AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Your daughter is trying to make this guy’s life miserable, why? Because she’s upset that SHE was toxic towards him after they BOTH lost a child? She’s upset because SHE broke up with him and he didn’t come crawling back after dealing with her ‘snapping at him.’ (Sounds like she was abusive towards him, by the way).
I would be disgusted with my husband for wanting to enable her malicious and downright disturbing behavior. And of course, I would find my daughter’s behavior deplorable if she acted this way. She’s hurting people because they didn’t enable her behavior. She’s lashing out over what? Facing the consequences of her own actions?
I’m sorry for her loss, but grief is not an excuse to treat other people poorly. Your daughter needs to grow up and quite frankly, recognize that the world does not revolve around her. She seems to think otherwise.” RissaRay113
Another User Comments:
“For what you’re asking? NTJ. But you gambled big and lost.
You assumed your child was too young at 21 to have a baby but believed her relationship was strong enough at 17 to crown her partner heir?
I’m so sorry for what he and your daughter are going through. I hope your daughter is able to heal and her ex is able to properly mourn as he also suffered a great loss.
This is going to be hard for everyone to navigate and I think healing is going to be more difficult due to the constant proximity. I wouldn’t fire Jayden, but I would talk to him about how he feels about staying. This can’t be easy for him either, and your choices have only made this harder.” EmpressJainaSolo
7. AITJ For Not Texting My BIL And His Wife Congratulations On Their Baby After They Stole My Baby's Name?
“For a while before I got married we talked about baby names. We came up with Sienna for a girl and were set on it. We have a specific last name.
Back story: My brother-in-law was set to get married in July 2020 but the global crisis hit and they pushed a year till July 2021. I got engaged in October 2020 and set our date for October 2021.
It was a whole ordeal that we were getting married in the same year.
Fast forward to my rehearsal dinner. My sister-in-law is pregnant, due in 3 months. We sat down and I asked her if they decided on a name. They wanted to settle on an Irish Catholic name. Her top 2 were Lily and Jeremey.
I then brought up how specific our now-shared last name was and that we had a few favorites. I said boy names are so hard but for a girl I love Sienna. It just has a ring to it and goes so well. I repeated the first and last name a few times swooning. We continued to chat for about 20 minutes about names and favorites.
Right before the due date we visited them, they hadn’t told us a name we assumed it was a secret. Didn’t come up as we toured the nursery. A week later I looked at our family text. My whole body started shaking, I was in shock, pure disbelief. The name they picked was not the 2 she told me, it was Sienna.
How can you forget that conversation? Why didn’t she say anything? Was this why the name was a secret?
I later found out that everyone but us knew about the name. Even an aunt to knit a stocking… The obvious first thought was she took the name and didn’t care about how I felt.
It was just too much of a coincidence. I remembered how they treated us when we wanted to have our wedding, it seemed kinda on brand for them. Randomly settling on that name didn’t make sense. So over the next month, I didn’t say anything in the group text. I was still so hurt as to why she would do that.
I forgot about it for the most part and life went on.
We decided it was best not to say anything to them and the right time would come. Well a month later, my brother-in-law asked my husband to be the godfather and he decided to bring it up. I wasn’t part of that conversation but things seem to have gotten pretty heated. Her excuse was the name was on her list and it was a name her sister decided not to use.
And she didn’t remember our 20-minute conversation 3 months prior. That excuse to me seems weak considering everything but beyond the point. Their response was we were extremely upset that I hadn’t texted congratulating them on the birth of their firstborn and were hurt I would think she would steal the name. They ended with we should take a break from seeing each other which is rich because we live thousands of miles away.
Somehow I went from being the one who was wronged to the bad guy and I feel like I have whiplash.
AITJ for not texting congratulations to my brother and sister-in-law? Or was I justified?”
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here – lesson learned, never bring up a name you love to someone if you don’t want to risk them using it.
The name is not unique. Princess Beatrice in England just named her baby that name. There is no guarantee that you will ever have a daughter but I am sure if you do, you will come up with a name you love even more.” Queen_Aurelia
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
You don’t own a name.
They can name their kid what they want and nothing at all is stopping you from naming your kid what you want. Furthermore, seems like you’re not pregnant or at least about to give birth, so there is still the possibility that you won’t have a girl and thus, never be able to use ‘your’ name.” Relevant-Economy-927
6. AITJ For Expecting An Apology From My Best Friend?
“My (27f) best friend is getting married. I (25f) knew that I was going to be a bridesmaid, and our other friend was going to be the maid of honor, but nothing had been asked formally yet. It’s always just been the 3 of us. However, her fiancé wanted to have 4 people stand with him at the wedding.
The idea had been tossed around to add another bridesmaid so that the ‘pictures didn’t look weird’ with the number of groomsmen to bridesmaids.
The idea had been tossed around that my sister was to join the wedding party but it hadn’t been finalized. For context, she’s marrying my cousin, and to have my sister would just mean she’s adding a ‘family’ member to the party.
My mom and I were talking one day about the wedding parties, and my sister happened to overhear about the bride wanting 3 bridesmaids. Out of curiosity, she asked who the 3rd was, and kind of pointed at herself as she knew there was really no one else that she could ask. I responded with ‘Don’t get your hopes up it’s just a possibility right now’.
My sister understood and wasn’t going to be upset if she wasn’t going to be in the wedding party.
Fast forward a month or two it gets out that my sister found out about potentially being a bridesmaid to the bride. I apologized and explained to her the situation as to how my sister found out.
She then texts me saying how ‘disappointed’ she was with me and that ‘this better be the first and last mess-up I make surrounding her wedding.’ I was very taken aback by this comment and replied with ‘I don’t need to be in your wedding if you’re going to treat me this way over an honest mistake.’
I told her that I refuse to be spoken to that way, and explained that she has now hurt my feelings over an honest mistake that I had already apologized for. I asked for an apology, to which she refused.
She’s never been close with my sister, and after our fight, she stopped talking to me for a couple of months.
During that time she asked my sister to be her bridesmaid ‘formally’ before she asked me to be her bridesmaid, and I can’t help to feel that she just did it out of spite to hurt my feelings.
This whole situation has really brought to light some character traits about her and I’m starting to question her as an actual genuine friend.
The bride and I did ‘make up’ one night, and she has since asked me to be a bridesmaid, but I can’t help but feel that I never received the apology that I deserved or maybe I am a jerk and didn’t deserve one?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It sounds like your sister extrapolated all on her own and asked you a question.
You answered the only way possible. Also in what world is being asked to be a bridesmaid some kind of state secret?
It’s entirely valid to question this friendship, her accusation and tone were way out of pocket, and not apologizing is a bad look. If this is how she treats her friends, you can do better.” ktgr8t
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You definitely deserve that apology. She was wrong for speaking to you that way.
I understand wedding planning is stressful but that gives her no right over a simple mistake that you were even able to fix yourself. You made it clear to your sister that it was a wishy-washy decision and that the bride was still on the fence about it.
That’s all you could have done and no matter how many different ways I look at it I can’t understand why the bride got angry in the first place over your ‘first and last mess-up.’
Know your worth. You definitely aren’t a jerk and I stand by you deserving that apology.” xxMafi
5. AITJ For Asking A Barista To Make An Exception For Me?
“I live near a coffee shop that operates from a cart. They are a tiny shop with usually one person on but sometimes two.
Their cart is on the property of a restaurant and is owned by the restaurant but slightly different, and I’m not a fan of the restaurant but the cart coffee is honestly some of the best I’ve ever tasted.
They run from 8-3 or so but it usually suits me to come around 2:50-3, but occasionally much, much earlier. Today I came just at 3 and saw the barista was still serving so I hopped in the queue, with a group of women following behind me. As she started steaming the person in front of me’s drink, she announced to the queue that they could order the coffee from the restaurant because the cafe was no longer serving past 3.
Bear in mind it’s 3:01 ish and I had probably been in the queue right at 3 if not a few seconds before.
Let me preface by saying the restaurant coffee is just not good. They say it’s the same but it’s made by the waitstaff (not baristas) and it really isn’t what I’m there for.
The women behind me must not mind because they went into the restaurant but I figured I’d ask for my usual. The barista turned around to finish serving the person ahead of me and didn’t even look at me. Bear in mind that I know her because I come here a lot. She knows my usual, always smiles and chats and I’ve even asked her for some treats as she was locking up once and she said she had wrapped them up for the night a while ago but was extremely apologetic and remembers to offer me treats every time.
When the person left she finally looked at me. I ordered my usual and she repeated ‘I’ll just ask you if you could order inside since I’ve gotta close up out here.’ I asked if she’d make an exception and she said just this once but seemed… off. I thanked her again for serving me and she said no worries, but as she was closing up, I was sitting in their outdoor area on my laptop and she would not look or smile at me as she usually does and was barely looking my direction even though it was like 3:05 by the time she made my order — 2 minutes later than if I hadn’t ordered.
I know what people say about going to a place at closing time but I was in the queue just in time. I think she would’ve happily made the exception for me if it weren’t for the group behind me, and only asked us all to go because there were 3 or 4 of them.
And I’m just wondering if I’m missing something because she acted happy to serve me one minute but was then colder than usual.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You keep going at closing time and have repeatedly asked for special treatment (asked them to stay past closing for you, requesting free treats). You’re incredibly entitled. Of course, they’ll be friendly if you’re a regular and it happened once (you’d still be a jerk for just once, but they’d act nicely out of professional courtesy)… But repeated behavior like this definitely puts a strain on their tolerance.
Stop going right at closing time even if it ‘suits you best.’ Either go earlier or not at all. If you can go earlier but you go intentionally at closing, you’re an even bigger jerk. Stop asking for them to stay overtime just for you – you aren’t special. Stop asking for free treats – again you aren’t special. Stop being an entitled jerk.” Affectionate-Show331
Another User Comments:
“You weren’t ‘just in time’ per your story you jumped in the queue exactly at 3 pm (so probably a minute or two after), knowing they close at 3.
The barista asked you to go inside because she needed to close and you refused. She caved so as not to upset you, likely knowing you’d react poorly as a ‘regular,’ and based on the previous encounter you mentioned with the treats, she’s probably intimidated by you.
She wouldn’t smile at you as she was closing because YTJ. You held her up, and depending on how strict her schedule is, you likely set her back a few minutes and could’ve caused issues for her (some companies are very strict about overtime, maybe she had to pick up her kid, maybe she’s on the way to another job, etc).” User
4. AITJ For Wearing Revealing Clothes At An Event?
“I (18F) have been with my significant other (19M) for a few months now. I am a very small 5’0 woman while my SO is a bigger 6’4 guy, due to my past he’s always been very protective.
I am into a variety of things including multiple conventions, such as Comic Con, Tattoo Con, Goddess Festival, Book Con, etc. I had been planning and talking to my SO about going to three conventions in one day, a Halloween one, a tattoo, and Goddess, but he never showed any real interest in any of it ever!
The day before these events my SO texted me and told me that he could now go with me to these events (he had plans with friends before and had never once brought up going with me) if he found a ride, so he begged me to ask my ride to take him.
I couldn’t take him due to going up with my aunt and her truck only holds two people due to her back seat piled with junk, plus the room for our costumes and makeup.
My aunt also said she wanted a ‘girls’ day’ since I wasn’t with her often. I told him this and he wasn’t happy and had tried to get me to push it, or to ask MY friends to bring him up.
On the day of the events, he texted me telling me I was not allowed to be in anything revealing (skirts at all, crop tops, shorts, short sleeves, etc.) I told him that one of my costumes included a skirt and he let it slide since I’d have leggings under to match the costume.
Let me make it clear these events were outside and it was 107 degrees out, with a lot of people.
I got hot in my costume and changed, I had put on a black skirt that went to my knees and then one of my SO’s shirts tucked into it. He was not happy to put it lightly, he yelled at me that I knew he wasn’t comfortable with me being outside in revealing things when he wasn’t there, he yelled I disrespected him.
I argued that it was hot and I was overheating already. (I suffer from medical issues where there could be a lot of problems if I overheat too much)
Nothing I could do or say at the moment to make him less mad, so I brushed it off, later I started posting pictures of the events and that’s when he went off again, he told me I was disrespecting him and his boundaries by posting about an event he was excited for but couldn’t go to, he said I had to take them down because he didn’t want to see them because it wasn’t right.
He claimed that it was rubbing it in his face and that I needed to respect him more about it. (Again he had zero interest in going before the day before). And he didn’t care if I overheated. He attempted to yell at me that I needed to go straight home since I couldn’t listen to him.
I posted them anyway cause I had a lot of fun. And didn’t go home when he asked. He’s now telling me that I’m a jerk and should’ve listened. So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“A ‘boundary’ would be if your SO stated HE didn’t want to wear anything revealing. That would have been his prerogative.
However, he told you he doesn’t want YOU to wear revealing clothes (and felt disrespected when you did): which is controlling manipulative behavior on his part, and one of the most fundamental red flags in a budding relationship, when one partner disrespects the other partner’s bodily autonomy.
You say this is a pattern. While in a new relationship, this can feel like a protective gesture, it sooner or later becomes abusive and suffocating behavior.
Please consider how living with this sick dynamic will extinguish your sparkle, say, five years from now.
NTJ.” Ok_Bookkeeper_3481
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Wearing clothes that are comfortable and appropriate for the weather (especially at 107) skirts/shorts, short-sleeved shirts/tanks/crop tops is not a boundary. Did he expect you to be wrapped up in a bubble suit?
Your SO wanted to go, not because he wanted to, he wanted to go to be able to monitor you. He didn’t end up going so he ended up monitoring you by telling you what you weren’t allowed to wear.
Boundaries are something we state to another person that tells us what we will or will not find acceptable.
For example, in romantic relationships, it’s perfectly normal to tell your partner what you’re comfortable and uncomfortable with in terms of intimacy. When it’s about something your partner is wearing, that is no longer a boundary, it’s controlling.
I also want you to pay attention to how your SO responded when you didn’t follow his ‘boundary.’ He yelled at you, twice.
I’ve never been yelled at by my SO, not even when fighting. Whereas, my verbally abusive ex would yell at me for whatever he felt was unacceptable that day, like I once walked into the garage when he was working on his car. He didn’t like that even though I was asking if he was ready for dinner.
So pay attention, this doesn’t sound healthy at all.” Minty_Green63
3. AITJ For Not Helping My Mom Unless She Asks For It?
“My (17F) mom (40s) has major issues with communication. She expects everyone to read her mind and she never asks for help, just expects people to offer it.
I’ve gotten sick and tired of being yelled at for not anticipating her needs so I recently told her that I will only respond to direct communication. Obviously, if she’s visibly struggling with something I will help. My goal isn’t to ‘ignore’ her, but just to force her to communicate more directly. So if she wants help, she can ask instead of just assuming I’m waiting on her hand and foot.
(I want to clarify that this isn’t about things like doing the dishes or helping with groceries, but things that don’t really concern me in the first place.)
My mom has been looking for this photo album for a few days because we have extended family visiting, but she can’t find it. My mom is a hoarder and extremely disorganized and honestly I wouldn’t have known where to even start, plus she never asked me for help so I didn’t help.
It’s not important to me anyway, I’m not even really close with this extended family and she’s the one who promised them she’d find it.
Anyways, family came over yesterday and my mom didn’t find the photo album that they were really interested in seeing so she said something like ‘Maybe if I had some help around here I would’ve found it, but of course, I have to do everything myself.’ She was looking at me when she said that so I responded to her passive aggressiveness with, ‘Well… that sounds like a YOU problem.’ I then reminded her of what we spoke about before and said, ‘If you really needed my help, you could’ve asked. It’s not my problem you’re too self-important to ask for help.’
Of course, she immediately shut me down and sent me to my room. She scolded me for not showing her respect and embarrassing her in front of our extended family and said I was being childish. Then she said she shouldn’t have to ask for help from her own child. AITJ here?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, you told her if she needs help to just ask and she refuses to do so and then blames you in front of company. For what? Attention? And then gets mad at you for defending yourself when you provided facts of you telling her that you would help if she just asked. She puts the blame on you and you tell her how it is truthfully her own fault.
What’s that saying… if you can’t take it don’t dish it out.” halibb30
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, you are 17 and your mom is an adult woman. She was trying to publicly shame you, you had every right to state the truth. You also have every right to set boundaries where you refuse to help unless asked, you can’t read minds and people need to stop expecting that.
Honestly OP, I’d start working on getting out and away from your mom, she sounds awful. Especially if she’s truly hoarding, the environment is most likely quite unsafe for you anyway.” Repulsive-Ad-8546
2. AITJ For Not Trusting My Mother-In-Law To Watch My Daughter Anymore?
“I have had problems with my MIL long before I gave birth last August, but ever since then, it has been an utter nightmare.
When I first came home from the hospital, we went to stay with my parents (a big mistake in general) but she insisted on being able to stay there too as it wouldn’t be ‘fair’ for my parents to get all that time with the baby and not her. MIL has had boundary issues before the baby was born but after?
It was and still is awful. She wouldn’t listen to any rule we put into place. Constantly kissing my 4-day-old baby, not giving me time alone to even breastfeed or pump, it had gotten so bad that my post-partum depression had become so exacerbated that I wasn’t eating and I was crying constantly.
My husband tried constantly to get her to stop but eventually, we had to just kick her (and by extension my BIL and his grandmother) out and send them back home.
Now that you have some background to the type of person she is, it brings us to yesterday. My dad usually watches the baby during the week, which irritated MIL to no end because again it wasn’t ‘fair’ even though she lives an hour and a half away from us.
So after harassing my husband and me for months we finally broke down and allowed her to watch our baby every Wednesday at our apartment.
Well, yesterday I was about halfway through my shift at work when I got a phone call from my BIL. He NEVER calls me so I knew something was up immediately.
Apparently, MIL called him in hysterics that she dropped my baby and was scared she was seriously hurt. She called my BIL. The one who lives AN HOUR AND A HALF AWAY WITH HER. I quickly hung up with him and tried to call her SEVEN TIMES with no answer. I called my mom (she lives closer to my house than my job was to my home) and she immediately went over.
At this point, I was frantic and running to grab my coat when I got my husband on the phone. I explained the situation and he was LIVID but his shift was also thankfully ending much sooner than mine so he was able to leave an hour early and shoot home. He finally got her on the phone but when he did she was completely undone and he couldn’t understand a word that was being said so he flew home.
My husband and my mother got there at the same time to find MIL sobbing on my couch and my thankfully perfectly fine (except for a bruise and a cut under her eye) six-month-old who was in her bouncer laughing at her grandmother’s tears. Everything was figured out and doctors were seen and we sent my MIL home.
Here’s where I may be the jerk. My MIL called me to try and explain but I cut her off and told her she could no longer watch my child (yes I had already discussed this with my husband). I told her if she cannot handle an emergency she cannot handle my infant alone.
She is now inconsolable and telling everyone who will listen we’re never allowing her to see my baby again.
So, AITJ for telling my MIL she’s no longer allowed to watch my daughter?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
She’s lucky, if it were me, I would have called the police for an emergency welfare check and to have the baby run to the hospital, instead of calling multiple people multiple times and listening to the phone ring and no answer.
She’s LYING about you. You NEVER said she is not allowed to see the baby, only that she can’t babysit alone, due to her history of falling apart. Call her out each time you hear it.
Don’t let her claim it’s a misunderstanding. Call it a lie each time. ‘MIL I don’t understand why you would lie about something like this, we never said you couldn’t see the baby.
It sounds like something you WANT to happen, if you want that, just say so now, otherwise stop it.'” AbbyFB6969
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
She didn’t ring you or your husband, she rang someone an hour and a half away then continued to ignore your calls. Then rather than apologise profusely like she should have done, went on to throw a ‘poor me’ party saying you’ve banned her from seeing your child.
You’re not stopping MIL from seeing the little one, you’re stopping her from being responsible for her, there’s a big difference.
Of course accidents happen but it’s how you deal with them that shows if you’re responsible enough to be looking after a child and she proved she’s not.” CrunchyCookies51
1. AITJ For Being Upset That My Sister Keeps On Rejecting My Invitation To Hang Out With My Family?
“My mom lost her so slow traumatic battle with cancer when I was 4 months pregnant. She didn’t get to know I was pregnant because she was so sick. My sister (36) and I (33) have always been extremely close.
As if by some form of grief during this process my sister adopted a very sick five-year-old DOG who has cancer. She has used this dog as an excuse to not leave the house. She won’t even get groceries so as to not leave the dog alone.
I was two weeks away from giving birth and it was Mother’s Day.
My dad was struggling. They were married for 46 years.
I invited my sister over to grill and chill with my husband, father, and me. She declined again because of the dog. This isn’t the second, third, or fourth time she has declined. I decided to let her know that her actions were hurting my feelings and it feels like she is putting the dog above the rest of her family, as we lost someone too.
I told her that her priorities were messed up. It’s hard showing up for someone constantly and getting nothing in return. She gets mad and stops talking to me.
I go into labor two weeks later and due to complications, I almost don’t make it out. She still doesn’t reach out. Finally, her husband tells me that bc of the ‘horrible’ things I said to my sister, she is mentally unstable and it’s all my fault.
Fast forward three months later and I have tried to extend an olive branch multiple times with no response. It truly breaks my heart bc my son is now 10 weeks old and she has missed every last of his life. My mother made me promise on her actual deathbed, that my sister and I would remain close and always have each other’s backs.
AITJ for telling my sister how her actions were making me feel? Are we not supposed to talk about it? That’s how things get worked out in my opinion.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Your sister is grieving, and unfortunately, she’s letting her grief take over her life. It may seem like she’s being a jerk but grief twists you in all kinds of messed-up ways.
Her husband blaming it on you is nonsense. Her mental instability is due to grief, and if she’s not seeking therapy – and he’s not insisting she seek therapy – nothing will improve.
I know you’re now dealing with two losses – your mom AND your sister – and I can’t imagine how difficult this must be.
Unfortunately, you have to just leave her be and let her work through it her way. It will just keep hurting you if you keep trying and she keeps rejecting you.
Hang in there. Tomorrow is the 3-year anniversary of my dad’s passing, and it’s so hard.” daisygirl0913
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here (or maybe everyone sucks here?
Depending on how much leniency we are giving for how crazy grief makes you). Consider for a moment: your sister is not coping.
She got this dog to feel useful, but probably also to feel like she’s still caring for your mother. You had your baby to focus on, and clearly, you have a better connection to the outside world.
Your sister went inwards. She’s grieving the way she feels she needs to, even if it doesn’t seem to be healthy.
You want your sister to support you and participate in your family in its new shape. Your sister wants to stay home and take care of her dog, her new family member. You criticized her new family, told her you needed to focus on your new family, and told her she was messed up for not feeling how you did.
She responded by making it clear that you’re right, she doesn’t agree with your priorities and completely disengaging. You didn’t make her ‘mentally unstable’, but you definitely sent her into a spiral.
Give it time. Let up on her. You don’t want her to miss your baby as a baby, but you can’t make her interact with your baby either.
It wasn’t right that she ignored you when you were in danger, but then again maybe the concept of losing you is something she couldn’t face either.” Natural_Garbage7674
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