People Hope For Some Clarity On Their "Am I The Jerk?" Stories
19. AITJ For Leaving A Bad Review After Getting A Free Item?
“This happened a few days ago but my friend is still feeling a bit jerk-ish about it.
I (F19) went into a popular pizza chain tonight with a friend (F19) because I had received a membership reward of a free pizza. For those unfamiliar, each time I buy a pizza through the app, I receive points that get me rewards like free pizza, garlic bread, etc.
So… we went into the shop, and the guy tells us since it was a redeemed purchase we have to order online. No problem, we order online through the app and leave, and browse the local shop next door.
15-20 later (and about five minutes after the “orders up” text) we head back over.
The guy who initially took our order looked a little irritated/flustered that we were back and asked for another five minutes. We smiled, said no problem, and sat down in their little waiting area. Five minutes come and go and he asks for a few more minutes.
Again, we smiled and said that it was really no problem since we weren’t in a rush. Another minute or two goes by when I start to notice the guy handling our pizza. I didn’t think anything of it, kinda just zoned out watching him box it up.
As I stared, I noticed him running his hand through his gel-slicked hair (no hair net), touching our pizza with the same hand (no gloves), then right back to running his hand through his hair.
Look, I don’t wanna seem like a Karen because I’m really not like that.
I never usually complain about nit-picky stuff but I work in food service and I know that I’d get fired on the spot if my manager saw me doing what he did. A minute or two goes by, and we get our pizza, he’s a bit standoff-ish but we wished all the workers goodnight as we left.
We get back to my friend’s house and go on the app to leave a comment.
I was pretty upset, just because I now had a pizza with hair grease on it. So I left a passive-aggressive comment. (It wasn’t public).
I basically just reiterated what I saw and told them to better educate themselves on food service requirements. There was no swearing, no bad tone, just “blah blah blah…
please don’t do that next time because it’s kinda gross.” Four and a half hours later, I receive a text from an unknown local number. The exact message read:
“Unbelievable, you got a free pizza, and all I got was a big complaint, thanks.”
Now, I understand getting a bad review sucks and I know our free pizza didn’t really do much for them sales-wise, but never in my life did I expect to get a text from an employee over a review.
There were three men working but I’m assuming it was the one with the greasy fingers, nonetheless, I was taken aback. We doubled checked the store number and the number that texted me (obviously different numbers) and replied with “I’m sorry, who’s this?”
No response.
I feel justified in my response and I don’t really see where I’d be TJ but my friend feels like we might’ve been rude, considering we did get a free pizza.
We’ll be reading the replies together so… judge away.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
It doesn’t matter if it was for free or if it was paid for, there’s a huge violation of food hygiene standards right there. Not only that I think you should have asked for a new one, just from his hands alone you can get a plethora of bacteria, and if you’ve worked in the food industry then you, yourself know.
Idk which country you come from OP but where I’m from it’s a huge violation of privacy laws.
To a point that could get a business charged a fine or worse, either way, I would have reported that immediately to the manager.
You’re not the jerk in this situation at all, I think you should take it up with the manager of that place.” RenownRen
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – that pizza wasn’t free at all.
You have to spend at least $40 to get that “free” pizza. What the Dominos employee did is grounds for an inspection by the health department and possible termination. The fact that he texted your personal number makes it 10x worse. I’d be calling the store manager.
What he did is unacceptable and you did nothing wrong.” oliviaalane
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
It wasn’t a free pizza. It was a reward earned by spending at the store. You may not have paid for the pizza that day, but you bought that pizza just the same. (Let’s be honest: companies overcharge so they can give you “free” stuff now and then, they’re making out just fine.)
Even if it was free, everyone should have the basic expectation that their food isn’t going to have biohazards on it.
So gross.” Mykiedawg
Another User Comments:
“NTJ! Personally speaking as a restaurant owner the pizza was not free! You paid for the pizza with your points and your order is just as important as any other order. Please report this employee to management for messaging you personally as that is grossly inappropriate, the way you left your review is very kind (private comment and not just completely giving the place a negative review).” Elephant-Junkie
18. AITJ For Disclosing A Family Secret?
“As a heads up, allow me to say that my life has been complicated.
Almost ten years ago, I was in high school. I had a terrible flu case and also felt the need to use a toilet. I was 16 at that time. I was pretty sure my dad would understand the situation and my skipped classes.
The only reason I was at school that day anyway and not at home in bed was because of an irrelevant event. So, I decided to make a run to my uncle’s house, which was 5 minutes away. I also had the keys to the place.
I arrive. I open the door. And there she was, a clear straight view from the hallway into the living room, on top of another dude. My aunt.
I ran to the toilet. 20 minutes. I got out. He was gone. I told my aunt who tried to talk to me, that I do not care.
We will never talk about this. I left.
This brings us to last Christmas, ten years later.
My parents had a pretty ugly divorce during these years. My dad also had an addiction, which influenced me a bit. My uncle grew colder and unbearable, and at times, criticized us for not rising to his social standards.
We had a family/close friends sort of gathering, where both my parents, my uncle, my aunt, and their 2 kids, my 21-year-old cousin, and 9-year-old cousin, were present, among other various people.
Argument ensues.
Insults are thrown. Apparently, my upbringing has been flawed which led me to be inferior to my cousins. Mother was crying. Dad was yelling. Uncle was yelling. I am yelling at him, and he keeps calling me incompetent and other names. Aunt was smug. My older cousin has always been weird and annoying, the younger one is quite brilliant and funny, and I’m sure he’ll have a wonderful future.
I also like to talk to him about various things he likes and his hobbies. We would have made great friends.
The uncle yells something of the sort: ‘At least if you hadn’t divorced, maybe you could have made another one, more functional.’
Mother replies: ‘What’s that supposed to mean?’
Uncle: ‘Well, they say with the second one you cannot mess up, and since this one’s a disaster, maybe another one would have been more decent.’
Me: ‘The only reason cousin 2 is not as dumb as cousin 1, is because he is not yours.
But aunt can tell you more.’
Her face was mortified. She forgot I knew, or at least never expected it to ever come up again.
I left. They argued awkwardly for 2 more minutes, and they also left. The other guests were gone by the time this whole chaos ensued.
My mom and dad wanted to talk to me about it. I refused and went home as well.
In January, my uncle had a paternity test arranged, after monstrous fights with my aunt. My cousin was not his child. He will never look at him the same again, and probably because of me, he will not have a proper father.
My cousin no longer talks to me.
So, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“ESH. I feel for you. I really do. But that doesn’t excuse what you did. I’m not even particularly worried about your aunt and uncle. They suck as people. But having something that crushing suddenly thrown at you – your child isn’t actually “yours”? – has got to be awful.
Worse, being an innocent bystander – your cousin – and now having to deal with the fallout of the collision of multiple incidents, none of which you had any participation or choice in? That’s the worst part. Apologize to your cousin. Apologize to your uncle for using something so painful as ammo against him.
Maybe apologize to your aunt for breaking your promise. Then, if I were you, I’d keep your interactions with the two of them limited to only what’s necessary in order to maintain a relationship with your cousin. After your cousin is an adult and they can’t stop you from maintaining the relationship, I’d say, “Screw ’em,” and keep them out of your life altogether.
They sound awful and not worth your time as humans, family or not.” Eviternityyy
Another User Comments:
“I started out with everyone sucks here, because they do (with two key exceptions), but I have to switch to YTJ. Yes, your uncle was being awful, but it’s like he took a shot at you and you dropped a nuclear bomb on his house.
And really, he sounds like a terrible person, so I probably still wouldn’t blame you much if it weren’t for your cousins. They also just had a bomb dropped on them, publicly, and they didn’t deserve that at all. Not the older one (being “weird and annoying” isn’t exactly a crime), and definitely not the nine-year-old child whose life you just permanently messed up.
That poor kid. Of course he won’t talk to you.” verascity
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Man… there are various levels of jerkery, and that’s pretty up there on the rank… Your uncle and aunt were using you to be cruel to your parents and then you used your cousin to get back at them? The poor kid did not deserve that any more than you did what they said about you.
Of course you were hurt and angry but that doesn’t give you a free pass to hurt others, especially since your cousin had not done anything to you and he was the one who took the major blow. You messed up big. Now it’s all said and done just let time pass and heal some of that hurt…
one day you will get the chance to apologize to your cousin, and that’s all you can do.” fecoped
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, OP.
A lot of people here are saying you ruined your cousin’s life. That’s not really true. Your aunt and uncle are the ones who are responsible for any “ruining” that goes on.
Not to mention that since they are both apparently terrible people it might be better if they split up.
Now obviously your reasons for letting the secret slip were not the best, but your aunt and uncle are so infinitely worse that I don’t think “ESH” really captures the situation.
I can’t believe your aunt would be so smug as to judge your family when she has that kind of secret. Also, nobody with a spine would stay quiet with the kind of shade your uncle was throwing around. I can’t blame you for lighting this particular fire.” Kamekazii111
17. WIBTJ If I Got Someone Who Can't Afford To Lose Their Job Fired?
“Background: Assistant, X, 55ish years old. X was originally hired as a cleaner but circumstances changed so she was given a pay rise for her to be an assistant. We’re in HK and business is awful because of the events of 2020. We were told to work from home as our boss wants to avoid people coming into to the office to avoid a risk of infection.
I checked up on X over the first few days to see how much work she did and she did NONE of the work from home. X said she’s not able to do it from home as she doesn’t understand so she needs to come into the office.
This means my coworker and I also need to come into the office to babysit her to make sure she understands what to do.
My boss and X don’t get along at all as my boss views X as incompetent but my manager insisted we keep her as she’s very good at manual labor type work (easy and repetitive).
My boss is currently on a business trip but instructed X before she left she needs to do a list of things which mostly requires using basic Microsoft word skills to prove that she’s worth keeping, as it’s likely business won’t be good for a while.
For most people, this isn’t a problem but for X, she’s not computer literate at all.
X basically gave up and said she’s not able to do it (I think she doesn’t want to do it but also can’t do it). There were some filing for her to do too but it requires some basic knowledge about our job and even though she’s been our assistant for 2.5 years, she doesn’t have the basic knowledge to do this.
Furthermore, whenever we do give her instructions, she just doesn’t listen and says no one told her to do it in a certain way. So my manager has put it upon me to do the work X isn’t able to do on top of the stuff I’m supposed to do.
My boss had a meeting with me and my coworker and said she’s wanted to fire X for a long time (“I don’t know what I’m paying X for and I know plenty of people who can do a much better job”) and if we wanted to, they’ll let X go.
The reason I’m hesitant to, X comes from a very low-income family and needs to support two kids. Without this job, she’ll definitely struggle a lot and it’s very likely she won’t be able to find another job. I’ve suggested to my manager to get X signed up for a Microsoft word learning course but due to her age, she may still struggle.
I spoke to my friends and they’ve said it’s not my responsibility for her financial situation and she’s proven time and time again she’s not capable to do her job.
There are also other people who could benefit from the job. There was an incident about a year ago where she became very anxious we were going to close down and she panicked so much that her job performance suffered significantly. So my manager and my boss chose not to tell her that her job is on the line.
We already have a full-time cleaner so my boss wouldn’t take X on as a cleaner. WIBTJ if I got someone fired?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but you are looking at this wrong, and your company is approaching it badly.
First off, you aren’t responsible for getting her fired or not.
Your entire responsibility is to do your job well and provide open and honest feedback about your coworker if asked by management.
Whether she gets fired or not is between management and her. That said, she should be given a warning that her job is at risk and the opportunity to improve her performance.” poeadam
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – other people’s incompetence and the resulting situations related to it are NOT your responsibility.
She is responsible for learning the necessary skills to be competitive in the workforce. If she cannot manage then she needs to look into training programs on her own time or ask her employer for help with training, not just hand holding through every task.” XercinVex
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
Really the jerk here is your manager who kept her around even though she couldn’t do the job and didn’t get her any training to help her learn to do the job. That decision led to the present situation. Your manager did her no favor, the business no favor, and has put you and your coworker in an awful situation.” yachtiewannabe
16. AITJ For Wanting My Partner To Do Chores?
“My partner and I have been together for 8 years (since I was 15) and we’ve been living together for over 3 years now. I am admittedly not the cleanest person. We were both in school until last year so the apartment was kind of messy.
That being said, I have nearly always done more chores than him. I also want things to be cleaner, the apartment being so messy actually stresses me out. Except for very rarely, I am the one cooking and he generally only does a chore if asked, even the ones that are ‘his’ like the litterbox.
And then sometimes he won’t do it for days on end anyway or has to be reminded for weeks until it gets done. I scrub the tub, I clean out the cupboards and the fridge, and I cook and shop and plan vacations/visits home.
Last night we had ANOTHER conversation about it and he told me that since he works night shifts, he is too tired to do chores.
I told him that I also work full-time, 8-hour shifts and it’s a matter of time management. Just because his day is shifted doesn’t mean he has less free time than I do, and I warned him I thought this would be an issue when he took the job.
(not that it wasn’t an issue before.) He then said that he doesn’t have time to spend time with me AND do chores, so I have to choose which is more important to me. I get he’s depressed, he’s been depressed for a long time, and he struggles with anger management and he works night shifts which I understand are grueling, etc, but I really feel like I’m not asking for a lot!
I AM SO MAD.
He spends easily around 5 hours a day on some starbound server building things for like 2 years now, he’s built a whole world but he can’t even do a few chores and manage to spend time with me? I feel like I really am being unreasonable sometimes, because why else would he have an issue with this? If I even bring up the server he goes nuts, he says it’s the only thing in his life where he has control and the only thing he enjoys doing so how dare I disparage it and try to separate him from it.
I feel like I’m at the end of my rope.
He’s been going to counseling and has shown a bit of improvement on some things (like he’s a bit better at not blowing up about small things) but I don’t know if the progress he’s showing is enough to convince me that there’s hope for our relationship.
This chores thing has been the bane of my existence and I feel stressed about the thought of even being home. I can’t keep up with housework for two plus my job, my social life, groceries and cooking, and the cat. I feel so bitter and upset and it’s like nothing I say gets through to him beyond some little revelation he has where he admits he’s not pulling his weight, then it’s just back to business as usual.
But I don’t know, given his mental state and his job, should I actually be doing all of the chores? I don’t know anymore.
After years of this, I’m confused and angry beyond reason.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You’ve got three choices. You can 1) Stay in the routine of doing the extra work and stay angry and fight about it or 2) Keep doing the extra work but accept it and practice being at peace or 3) Drop the partner and live on your own for a while and enjoy not having to pick up after someone.
Then you can look for someone who is more compatible.
Your partner is never going to change his ways because he sees no reason to. Change has to come from within to be lasting. The way you guys are going about it now is just making both of you miserable.” Zebras_And_Giraffes
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
“I can’t spend time with you AND do chores” is just bull crap. Some people would say just stop doing anything and at some point when he’s hungry, or when the place smells like ammonia from cat pee, or when there are no dishes to eat with he’ll get the picture, but if you’re like me (and you are) that would drive you nuts LONG before it bothers him.
If he’s so concerned about spending time together or chores then fine. Spend time together doing chores. Cook together, double team the living room. Have a race to see who can put their things away faster. And if he doesn’t want to participate in that, then you will likely never get him out of this lazy cycle.” Reddit user
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
I almost slapped my husband when we first got married and moved in together after he asked for “a daily list” of chores that he needs to do. It helps to divide up the chores and make it clear that HE is responsible for his chores and you expect them to be done. It could be laundry, vacuuming, cleaning the bathroom, etc. And this is coming from someone who worked 12-hour overnight shifts. Shift work is never an excuse to be lazy.” Reddit user
15. AITJ For Wanting To Stay At A Hotel?
“My (F24) partner (M23) and I have been in a long-distance relationship for about 2 years. We see each other almost every weekend now, but we used to go much longer without seeing each other as we were 5 hours away.
We trade off holidays spent with each family.
Our first Christmas together, we drove the 12 hours to his parents and then crashed in the spare bedroom. That morning my partner was confronted by his parents that he is not allowed to sleep in the same room as me and they set up a mattress in the living room for him to sleep on for the rest of the trip.
They don’t want us sleeping in the same room in their house until we are married. I was really upset by this because it feels like they don’t think our relationship is legitimate unless we’re married. It also makes me think they don’t respect or support me as his partner in a serious relationship.
We don’t get much extended time to spend together, so time together is so important. Although I had met his parents multiple times before this trip, we had been together for just 10 months, so I attributed this to possibly them not being used to the relationship and feeling uncomfortable.
The next year I spent both Thanksgiving and Christmas with his family.
A whole year has passed so I was hoping they would finally see us as a serious relationship and give us that respect. I asked my partner to ask how they felt and they were still very adamant that he sleeps in the living room. (He even asked “what if I went to Vegas and married a girl I just met, would you care if we slept in the same bed?” and they said “No, you would be married so we would respect your marriage” which makes me feel worse about this whole situation).
We are both adults with full-time jobs, and I don’t want to be treated like I’m 16. At this point, we decided to compromise and get a hotel room during the trip so we could have our time together while also not disrespecting his parents’ wishes.
Here’s where AITJ comes in.
Recently my partner expressed that he has never felt comfortable with us staying in the hotel and said that I’m being disrespectful towards his parents. He thinks it’s only 5-10 days and we can suck it up and sleep apart. We had talked extensively about this before and he had agreed that it’s an outdated rule and disrespectful and that the only way for both of us to feel respected is to get a hotel on our own.
So to hear that he doesn’t actually feel that way has come as a shock. He is extremely close to his parents and is in constant need of approval. He also has an intense aversion to any kind of conflict. He says that he can tell his parents don’t support us staying in a hotel and are hurt that we would rather stay in a hotel than respect their rule.
I understand “my house, my rules” even if I don’t agree with the rule.
That’s why I thought a hotel would be a good compromise for both us and his parents.
AITJ for wanting to stay in a hotel?”
Another User Comments:
“No one’s a jerk – Lots of families don’t let their kids stay with their partners before they are married – it’s not any kind of commentary on how much they like you or how serious they think your relationship is – it’s just a respect thing and the fact of the matter is no matter how serious your relationship is, it’s a lot easier to break up than get divorced.
I think your partner’s point of view is understandable – you guys aren’t there that often and he’s missing out on time with his family (i.e. just heading off to bed, wandering down in the morning in PJs for a cup of coffee, etc.) – he likely wants to be with them.
You thought you made a good compromise that would make everyone happy.
Ultimately, since it’s not that many days, I would personally suck it up. It’s obviously important to your partner to stay with his family and if this is the person you hope to marry this will be your family eventually and this isn’t starting things off on a very good foot.” Reddit user
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
The parents can have their rules, but their rules are dumb and outdated. Also, it’s pretty ridiculous that they 1. force you to sleep in separate rooms and 2. get upset that you stay in a hotel instead. Like, they want to FORCE you to obey their rule, instead of acknowledging that you are respecting their rule by choosing to stay elsewhere instead of breaking the rule.
Your partner isn’t being fair to you by insisting you stay in a home in which you’ve been made to feel uncomfortable when the hotel is a perfectly reasonable compromise.” andromache97
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, you’re an adult in an adult relationship.
His parents are clearly jerks as they do not respect any of you as adults, and your SO is also a jerk as he is not respecting your relationship, he is clearly prioritizing mummy and dada’s feelings, not yours. He needs to grow the heck up! If this was me I would stop going there until your relationship gets the respect that it deserves.” jacobzink2000
14. AITJ For Remodeling My Apartment?
“I’m a property manager in a college town. We’re the biggest rental company in town, so we deal with a lot of jerks and college students trashing our units. We told tenants in 2019 that we wanted to update/remodel their units. We listed out things like the appliances, kitchen cabinets and flooring, and closet rods/curtains and sent a picture of what a new kitchen looks like.
Tenants agreed and our construction workers went over to measure. We sent 3 large totes for kitchen and bathroom items.
Monday, I come into work to an angry email from one tenant saying that she didn’t know the full extent of what we were remodeling and that we couldn’t enter the bedrooms to replace the closet doors with curtains because her cats were in there and her roommate works at night and is trying to sleep or something.
She said she didn’t know we were trying to do work in the bedrooms, which is ridiculous. We said we were replacing “closet rods and curtains”. I told her we wouldn’t do anything to the closets and next she’s mad because the workers have gone into the bedrooms to replace light fixtures.
The workers aren’t mind readers, so how are they supposed to know?
I also told her she was already told to “kennel or board her pets” and she would need to send them to stay with a friend or be boarded. She sent a rude reply saying she thought putting them in the bedroom was kenneling them and that she would send them to be boarded if I would pay for it.
She was also mad because we were changing the shape of a wall downstairs because we hadn’t included every single detail of the remodel and then also that we were doing work upstairs because supposedly the workers said they weren’t going to be remodeling upstairs when they came to measure (which, yeah right, you didn’t listen correctly).
She told us to put everything back and leave and I said no because we had already demolished everything.
Anyways, she basically went on to start demanding compensation in rent for the week because of all the remodel, but SHE AGREED TO IT. Not my fault. She was told that workers would be coming and going from 7:30 AM to 6 PM, Monday through Friday.
My manager offered her 3.5 days of rent. She demanded a week, saying she was going to hire a lawyer. My manager asked her to come in person, but she said no because she wanted to keep everything between us in writing. I think she’s watched too many lawyer shows.
We told her that we would have moved onto another unit if we had known how many concerns she was going to have.
This is basically a brand new unit for only 5 days of construction. We’ve done more than 30 similar remodels in the last year and have never had any complaints or issues like this. She finally said she’d settle for 5 days’ rent and a shorter lease term and I just rolled my eyes.
My manager is planning on giving in to her demands just to shut her up, but I wouldn’t. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. What, because they’re college students you’re allowed to inconvenience them horribly? She asked you to not go in the bedrooms and you didn’t pass that message along.
What a crappy thing to do. How would you feel if one of her cats got out? And before you respond with, “well I told her to board them.” That’s bull crap and you know it.
You may own the house and these may be “just” college kids to you but this is their home.
Presumably, they pay rent to live in the home undisturbed with their animals. When you want to disturb their quiet enjoyment and uproot their lives, you have to be the one to make the sacrifices.” janedoe42088
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. It’s generally best practice to wait until a tenant leaves to do so much major renovation.
And yeah, expecting tenants to pay to board their pets for a week because you want to do some renovations is pretty crappy. That’s a huge expense that you’re essentially forcing her to take on. And I’m sure she probably didn’t think the renovations would be so extensive.
If my landlord said that they wanted to replace some things, I wouldn’t think that would add up to a full week of 12-hour days which includes demolition and workmen being able to go wherever they want. Depending on tenancy laws in your area, she might not have a legal leg to stand on, but I can see why she’d be really frustrated and upset.” Mist2393
Another User Comments:
“‘She’s mad because I didn’t give every detail of what they were doing.
But if I say the word “remodel”, she should know that that means everything in the apartment.’
YTJ. You didn’t explain what you were doing. Remodel could mean anything, especially if you mostly talked about the kitchen and didn’t specify what would be affected. You claim she knew and agreed, then go and say she should have “known” what you meant by remodeling? To a college student who is probably in their first non-parent-owned home and would never have done a remodel before?
She’s right to be angry and take legal action because she didn’t agree with what you were doing, she agreed to what you told her you were doing. It’s not her responsibility to find out what you’re planning. You’re the landlord, it’s your responsibility to communicate your plans to her.” Kilo3445
13. AITJ For Refusing To Sing To My Partner?
“I’ve never been a great singer, I know it takes time, effort, and even talent to be a good one. I kinda know I’m bad because usually there isn’t a big reaction after finishing a song on Karaoke night with friends. Not a big deal, I can accept that it’s not my thing.
My partner, however, is relatively great at singing. She gets rounds of applauses and even sometimes compliments from neighbor Karaoke rooms, which is completely deserved because she’s put a lot of time into it, it is one of her passions.
One night while we’re in bed together before we go to sleep, she asks if I could sing a bit for her before we go to bed.
I sing for a few seconds, trying to be romantic (See you again by Tyler the Creator), and she just bursts out laughing like it’s one of the funniest jokes in her life. Now I’m not a person to usually get offended easily, but when you know someone is much better than you at singing and is about to cry with laughter at the attempt at romance you just made, it’s hard not to feel a loss of pride after that one.
I get visibly uncomfortable and she is still recovering from her own laughter.
I tell her I’m never singing for her again if that’s how she’s going to react and how humiliating it is. She apologizes and says she wasn’t laughing at me but rather at how cute I was. I tell her regardless of the reason why she laughed at me, I didn’t feel comfortable just because of the fact of how hard she laughed.
We kind of just go to sleep and forget about it for a while.
3 weeks later we’re in bed again and she asks me to sing again and I tell her that I’m not comfortable with it. She asks me if I’m still mad about it and I tell her that I just don’t feel comfortable with it still because of the way she laughed.
She told me I was being unreasonable and she just wanted to hear my voice before she goes to bed, emphasizing that the reason she laughed was only because I was cute. I told her again I just wasn’t comfortable and that she should respect my decision if I didn’t want to.
She then brings up an analogy saying if I was uncomfortable with buying flowers for her (I guess if it was humiliating to buy flowers or something) should she just be OK with a partner that doesn’t get her flowers.
I told her that analogy is irrelevant because the fact is that I’m terrible at singing and sensitive about it and you can’t be bad at buying flowers. The argument got a bit heated and I ended it with “if someone doesn’t feel comfortable with doing something you shouldn’t force them to do it, SIMPLE.” There was an awkward silence and it was ended with a “fine.”
I get that not wanting to sing for her can seem like I’m making a big deal about nothing, a part of me is just like dude just swallow your pride and sing for her.
But another part of me is wondering if being forced to do something I’m uncomfortable with is something that I shouldn’t be OK with. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“I don’t think anyone is being a jerk, but I do think that you are letting your embarrassment/insecurity get the better of you.
You sang her a Tyler the Creator song before bed, man. That stuff’s funny, I’m sorry.
You being this mad about it for this long is a bit over the top. We’re gonna do/say embarrassing things around our life partners and should be able to laugh at ourselves and loosen up a bit.
What you’ve described here doesn’t at all sound like her going out of her way to embarrass you or getting pleasure out of your discomfort.
Don’t sing if you don’t want to, but cut your partner a break and try to loosen up. No one is a jerk here.” Reddit user
So no, no one is a jerk here, but dude, lighten up! If you can't laugh at yourself, you will never be able to have the great relationship you could have because you're too uptight about something in which YOU are the only one upset about it.
12. AITJ For Not Wanting To Splurge For A Friend's Birthday?
“Backstory: I (28F) quit my horrible low paying job about a year ago to freelance and chase my new dream of owning a business. Long story short there I made really bad financial decisions when I moved to this city a few years ago, and have taken this year to really reset myself and get on the right path.
On top of trying to build my own business, I’ve put myself in some debt and am slowly but surely climbing out of it and it’s taken a lot of discipline on my end. Now all of my friends here are in their late 20s, single and at the point where they’re moving up in their careers, so they’re all pretty well off and like to travel and go out, etc.
I did the same when I first moved here. But now things are different and I’ve had no issue the past year being very open where I am financially and all of my close friends know of the struggles I’ve had. I’ve had to learn to say no to a lot and while it’s frustrating because I’m a very social person, I know if I take a step back for a year or two it will pay off in the long run.
So a year after quitting my job I’m finally at the point in my business where I’m able to support myself but it’s month to month and I basically have to track every dollar I spend. Earlier this month I treated myself to a long weekend out of town because I’ve been working constantly and I was able to pay for the flight and hotel with credit card points.
I still spent more than I intended on food etc. so the rest of this month is tight but I’m okay with it. Now one of my best friends has his birthday at the end of the month, and just decided he wants to do a really popular drag brunch for it.
He asked if I would be able to because it’s like a $55 charge, so I told him I would have to pass on that but would gladly meet them out after because we go to a popular bar that has $1 drinks the entire day.
He understood but a few days later told me he found a different place for only $35 and even offered to pay for mine which I absolutely refused because I’m not having my friend pay for me on his birthday.
I’ve told him I would have to let him know but I’m getting frustrated, he’s one of my most caring friends and really wants me to be there but the pressure after I’ve told him why I can’t doesn’t sit well with me.
I’m not bailing on his birthday, I’m trying to find a compromise that I feel comfortable with. Except now I feel like TJ because I’m worried about $35 and I feel bad complaining about the fact that one of my best friends really wants me at his birthday brunch.
I will probably end up going and feel extremely guilty about spending the money because I have a hard time saying no to my friends.
AITJ for getting frustrated and not wanting to spend the money on this?”
Another User Comments:
“No one’s a jerk.
I understand your frustration with his repeated asking and also your pride in not wanting him to pay.
However, for some people with lots of resources, it really is nothing to pay for one more person for the pure pleasure of your company, and it does seem like this person truly just wants you to share the evening.
I say let him pay for it and enjoy.
However, I’m also the type that doesn’t like others paying for me to do things. I don’t know where you live but most cities have plasma donation centers and they’ll pay you about $40 each time. It takes about an hour and a half.
I’ve done this when I needed to make a quick buck; just an idea.” ReflectionInfection
Another User Comments:
“No one’s a jerk.
Money gets tight for everyone, and it sounds like your friend is being super understanding about your situation, which is good. But I’m sure that what matters most to your friend is that he gets to spend his birthday with his friends, including you.
I understand that you don’t want to make him pay your way, so maybe see if you can work with your other friends to come up with a solution that allows all of you to be together, without making you pay more than you feel comfortable, and without your friend having to pay for you on his birthday.” anarcheologie
Another User Comments:
“YTJ.
Look, your close friend wants you to be there to help celebrate his birthday. He offered to pay because he knows you’re strapped for cash and the money isn’t the point. Neither is your pride. What you should have done is graciously accepted his offer to pay your way with a promise to pay him back later.
Then you should have gone and enjoyed a fun birthday celebration for your friend. By refusing, you made him feel bad for planning a celebration that you couldn’t afford and it has the appearance of you ditching your good friend on his special day.” Linux4ever_Leo
Another User Comments:
“YTJ.
It was your friend’s birthday and he genuinely wanted you to be there. He knew about your issue and even offered to pay. I don’t understand how you feel pressured and frustrated when he’s not guilt-tripping you or making you pay. Your friend is a nice and caring person, he doesn’t care about the money, he just wants a good friend to enjoy his birthday with him, and I don’t think he wants you to feel left out. Don’t let your pride get in the way of something like this, I know a lot of people feel shame for accepting other people’s money but this is your friend’s birthday and he wants you to be there. Go out and enjoy yourself.” AStarRiver
11. WIBTJ If I Cut Off My Best Friend?
“I’ve known my best friend for 4 years now and we usually always had a really great time when we hung out together. We had the same sense of humor and a lot in common. This past year has been very rough for her, her relationship caused her to have a mental breakdown which inevitably led to them breaking up, her quitting her job, and moving back to her parent’s place.
I won’t go into too much detail but the guy really wasn’t good for her.
I tried to be supportive of everything and she seemed to get better but now she’s back with her ex and lashing out at me and others for no apparent reason. For instance, she threatened one of our friends (V) that she was going to harm her and cut her out if she kept gossiping about her partner.
(The only thing that ever happened was V telling her she didn’t like him so much because he never talked to her when we went out before they had even gotten together.) And had a rage fit over a young girl altering her own pictures on social media.
Two days ago, she posted a meme that said: “how do some girls get partners so easily, like what the heck, do you just create them in your basement or what.” I thought it was funny, so I texted her: “I always thought that about you because you got so many dudes hitting you up as soon as you get out of a relationship.”
She completely lost it.
“First of all, I am not some 15-year-old that needs to be saved because she keeps getting screwed over by guys. Second of all, I only reply to these messages out of politeness and I am very much able to just have friendships. As if no guy has ever texted you.
I am so sick of these stupid degrading comments. I know a person that has slept with four guys this year. It took you a year to get together with your partner. V isn’t innocent either. So why is it always me?”
“I wasn’t trying to shame you at all.
I just thought it was a funny meme.”
She apologized and I thought we were good, but nope. She took back her apology. She said that she was hurt and no one on this planet would find my comment funny. I apologized for hurting her, not for my comment though.
“I thought you were my friend.
Yes, I am sensitive. Do I ever talk trash about you or V? No, because it’s none of my business. I’ve never said anything bad about your partner. But you guys keep commenting. You hate my partner. He is my hero. I feel like no one in this world understands me.” (I shortened it A LOT.)
I felt like just telling her that she wasn’t nearly important enough for me and V to talk about her and her partner nonstop.
I didn’t though. I might reply to her again though, explaining once again what I meant and that I am afraid I can’t continue being friends with her.
Am I the jerk for the way I replied to a meme?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She’s being overly sensitive and projecting.
She probably knows he sucks, but for whatever reason, she can’t get away from him. Perhaps he’s like my ex and has her convinced no one else would want her and he’s really a great guy – SO giving and understanding – for even taking her back to begin with.
Lots of men wanted me and I’ve always been easily able to find someone who wants to go out with me (their own quality as potential partners has been all over the place). But I always told myself that sure, they think I’m hot, they think I’m great, but that’s only because they don’t really know me.
“Of course they want to hook up with me, guys will do anything!” It took me a decade to get out of that. Maybe she’s dealing with something similar.
Regardless, that’s not your problem, when it comes down to it. It doesn’t excuse the way she treats you.
As a warning, her alienating her friends could cause her to isolate herself, which could be something he’s banking on. “My hero, you stick with me when even my closest friends leave me behind!” She may need all the quality friendships she can get. Again, that’s not your problem.
It’s up to you to decide what you’re willing to put up with. And, hey, maybe it’ll trigger her realizing she’s losing good friends over this guy, and maybe he really is the worst. But you have no obligation to stick around for her. Your mental health matters, too.
Do what’s right for you. You’re not the jerk.” Eviternityyy
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. But remember, cut her some slack. People do change and often grow apart. She clearly needs to work on some things in her life, but it’s not up to you to tell her that.
I had a similar situation. I didn’t talk to my friend for 3 years. She would cancel plans, get mad at me for wanting to hang out with her, and refuse to give back the few clothing items I had let her borrow. It really hurt when she went off on me that last time.
She had tried going into the military, made it one week at basic, and broke down, and then shortly after she got back home, her fiance and she started having troubles and were heading towards a breakup. I was more worried about my friendship with her than what she was going through.
A few years later, I reached out to her when I knew life was going well for her.
We aren’t nearly as close, but I still very much enjoy the time we do spend together.
It’s okay to not have a friendship if it’s causing you or her that kind of distress but always keep an open mind later down the road. We say things we don’t mean when we are mad.” that_cat_gets_me
10. WIBTJ If I Told My Mom I Feel No Connection To Her?
“My parents split up and my mother tried hard to alienate us from my dad. Though I would see him every holiday and spend the entire summer with him, she would say things like we can’t talk to him until he sends her money, and would use us to hurt him.
Instead, it turned us against her.
When I was about fifteen my mom got with this guy and essentially left us alone. She would spend the night with her partner while my brother and I were alone.
My brother moved with our dad at 15 and I stayed with my mom because she’d tell me that everyone she loves leaves her, I’m her daughter and she would be lost without me.
After my brother leaves we move in with her partner. This lasts a few weeks until one night I forget to do the dishes and he storms into my room and nearly hits me. I hide in the closet and call the cops, he kicks us and the very next day my dad flies me to live with him and I have limited contact with my mom for five years.
During this time my mom contacts my dad and I slowly start talking to her.
This is where the learning disability comes in. She would constantly cry on the phone, and talk about how she isn’t smart, she can’t read or spell well, and that is how the conversation would go. She uses this as a clutch, and I’ve always been numb to this.
I literally can’t handle it and feel nothing. I slowly got tired of it and stopped talking to her. We would go years without talking, then I’d feel bad and talk to her again. I’ve seen her a few times but again I feel nothing. I don’t feel this mother-daughter connection with her, nor do I like talking to her, but I pity her.
About two years ago I blocked her.
I was going to my home state for a few days to see a friend and she found out. She got mad that I wouldn’t drive two hours (when I wouldn’t have a car) to see her, and I told her I wouldn’t and she snapped telling me I am cruel and all I do is hurt her.
I snapped at her and blocked her and didn’t speak to her for two years.
I recently had an intense injury and was on medication, and unblocked her on social media. She started messaging me and called me and I picked up. It’s the same thing as always.
She starts with this whole you and your brother are always in my heart and tbh when I talk to her I feel so numb and separate from the conversation. I can’t even tell her I “love” her because I don’t. I just kept saying Thank you.
Anyways since then, she keeps trying to contact me.
The other day she called me 5 times and I ignored it. I finally messaged her after and she said that after 3 days without contact she was “lost”. I seriously have never learned to cope with this. How do I tell her she is essentially a stranger to me?
WIBTJ if I told her I feel no connection with her at all and I am not comfortable with constant contact?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
You are her child, not an emotional box of Kleenex. Her problems have zero to do with you not talking to her and everything to do with her poor life choices. Sometimes you have to close a door and nail a board over it and live your own life.
I had to do the same 3 years ago when my mother literally wouldn’t stop being emotionally abusive. I blocked all her phone numbers and social media. She started mailing me cards, which I tossed in the garbage. It’s your life and you have every right to put up boundaries when someone treats you like garbage.” CatsPolitics
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for wanting to put a stop to unhealthy mother-daughter dynamics.
Your first priority is your mental well-being. Your mum is an adult who should take responsibility for her life rather than using you to rant and rave about the injustices in her life.” brownbird8888
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You don’t owe anything to toxic family members. Maybe she’ll learn and grow and in the future having a relationship with her will make sense. Maybe that will never happen. Either way, you do you.” Careful-Corgi
9. AITJ For Arguing With A Grieving Friend?
“I sent a post to my friend group chat, and it read “parents of disabled kids: saying you feel guilty that we’re disabled or that you wish there was a way you could’ve known, is hurtful to us. Even if said with good intentions, it subtly suggests you would rather we weren’t here at all than here and disabled” and captioned it like ‘heads up if any of you have disabled kids’.
A friend (the only one online at the time) got mad about this post and said the kid sounds ungrateful for not acknowledging the parent just trying to comfort them, and we got into a passive-aggressive debate. I say debate and not an argument because we didn’t insult each other once, it was just going back and forth about what we thought.
I was arguing for the kid having the right to be offended, and that the parent didn’t do anything but it’s just good information to have if you have a disabled child, and she was arguing for the kid being unappreciative/overanalyzing stuff purposely to pick a fight and have something to complain about when he should just be grateful his parents “kept him alive”.
The argument went back and forth a lot, but neither of our views was changed, so I told her to leave this issue thrice, to which she said no (each time). At this point, I send her an Animal Crossing picture (just something random from my gallery) as filler and she leaves it on read.
Later that night, another friend comes online (we’ll call her B) and the friend I argued with (we’ll call her A) was also online.
I was offline, but read this in the morning. B was trying to make a middle ground, to which A agrees with, not arguing at all, and just saying our argument annoyed her because it was clear she was in a bad mood, and I should’ve just let it slide.
B then says that it’s none of our problems so we should all just leave it there. A said something about being small-minded but it was unclear if it was aimed at me or the post, so B asked what she means, but A said B is ticking her off too.
B asks what she did, and A doesn’t give an answer, just brushing off the entire discussion saying she couldn’t care less, as long as the child’s alive.
That’s where it ended because A went offline. After I read it through, I apologized for A’s loss and said I didn’t read her annoyance when we were arguing and I said I’m probably just dumb in that sense and am bad at reading people.
I apologized for not reading her annoyance, and no one has read it yet. I kinda feel like the jerk, especially thinking about if I was her and had a bad day, having a family member die, and then going home to argue with a friend at night; that would suck.
Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“No one is a jerk.
Everyone reacts differently to loss. For some, a debate with a friend would be a welcome distraction, even if that debate left them annoyed or upset for a bit. You’re not expected to psychically know which one your friend is.
All that’s important is you forgive the weirdness as they go through it, which you’ve been doing.” AnorhiDemarche
8. AITJ For Lying To An Ex?
“Ok, so just to clear things up, my ex and I are friends. But he has a lot of trust issues and we didn’t really get along when we were together, so he’s just recently begun trusting me.
About 3 months after we split up, he told me he asked my friend out and they said yes.
I was really happy for him. The guy he asked out, who’s also my friend, then calls me up and tells me that he only said yes because he panicked and didn’t know how to say no. He asked me if my ex was a good guy and I told him honestly that he’s a cool person, but he and I just weren’t right for each other.
And I honestly thought at that time they would have worked well together. So he felt reassured, or so I thought, and we say goodbye.
So my ex spends a lot of time talking to me about this guy, and they have plans for Sunday. I even lend him $20 (that he still hasn’t given back).
That Wednesday, I find out their plans were canceled and needed to be moved to a later date.
The reason my ex gives is that my friend has scouts. I talk to my friend and he tells me, in confidence, that he lied and that he was freaked out. But at this time he made it seem like he DID want to go out with him, but was just too nervous to go through with it.
I thought that was kinda a jerk move, but I decided not to tell my ex.
Why? Because my ex has a history of trust issues, as well as confidence issues. I honestly thought that their plans would just be re-scheduled and it would be fine. If I had told him, then both of the above problems would have gotten worse. Under normal circumstances, I would have told him, but my friend, again, made it seem like he wanted to go but was just too nervous to do it on Sunday.
That’s the lie.
I hid it from my ex.
Another 2, maybe even 3 weeks pass, and they still haven’t gone out. They’ve tried to reschedule twice, but each time my friend had something come up. That, or his parents wouldn’t allow him to go out. (We’re all 15 – 16).
All of the reasons stated seemed plausible, and I was never told otherwise. The two had also begun hanging out AT school together a lot, so I had no real cause for suspicion.
Then today, I find out that my friend is not at all interested in my ex and that he’s been leading him on throughout all of this.
I start getting mad at him and tell him that leading someone on is a total jerk move.
I then force him to tell my ex what was going on after school ended. Shortly after, I text my ex to see how he’s doing. He says he’s not mad at my friend, and that he’s ok. (I don’t think he’s as ok as he says he is, but I digress.)
I then tell him about what happened when my friend first canceled, the thing I neglected to mention.
I explained my reasoning for lying and that I was sorry for not spotting that red flag and letting him know right away. He then got mad at me, terminated our friendship, and blocked me on all social media. He seems by far angrier at me than my friend.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
High schoolers can be so dramatic about relationships. You kept a secret for your friend, you were trying to do the right thing. I know from personal experience that telling someone a secret that involves them isn’t a good idea a lot of the time.” DawnTower6
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
It was up to your friend to be honest with your ex, and he needs to learn to communicate what he’s really feeling to people. It wasn’t fair of him to put you in the middle.” VariegatedPlumage
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You got stuck in a difficult position between two friends.
However, you proceeded it was likely to end badly.
To be honest, your friend is kinda the jerk here, I think your ex is probably just blinded to this by his feelings. You make a perfectly convenient scapegoat.
So it goes I’m afraid.” Reddit user
7. AITJ For Wanting To Rehome Our Cat?
“Around two years ago, we adopted a cat. My husband and I live in an apartment and I get overwhelmed easily, so we agreed that we would get one only. Besides, the cat’s original owner said she didn’t get along with other cats and would need to be the only pet.
Everything was fine. The cat (Calypso) started to settle in. She was a love bug, well-behaved, almost like a dog with how affectionate she was.
A month later, my husband and I were going for a walk and the sweetest orange stray started to follow us around.
He followed us all the way back to our building and up two flights of stairs, right to our door. I didn’t know what to do, but my husband pleaded with me to let him bring this cat inside and make a cozy space for him in our laundry room, feed him, and clean him up.
I gave in. I figured we’d take him to the vet in the morning and check for a microchip and go from there.
The vet told us there was no microchip and that this cat was likely a trap neuter release, as he had the clipped ear.
They also found that he had FIV and dental disease.
We kept him in the laundry room while trying to track down an owner, but no one claimed him. No shelter would take him because of his FIV. And there was no way we were going to just throw him back outside, especially with his health problems.
So, we kept him.
Needless to say, Calypso didn’t like Thomas. She had barely adjusted to her new home to begin with. We did slow introductions, found places for multiple litter boxes so they wouldn’t fight over them, and put in the work to try and get them to like each other.
During this time, Calypso changed.
She start howling and yelling constantly and became quite skittish. We had to start shutting her in the second bedroom at night so we could sleep and she became very destructive.
Two years later…they can tolerate each other, but Calypso randomly picks fights and now Thomas is showing signs of anxiety.
We’re relocating to a small one-bedroom place in two months, where we had to pay a $300 deposit per cat. We won’t have a laundry room, so I have no idea what to do about litter boxes. We won’t have a second bedroom, either. I’m so tired of all of the fighting.
I’m tired of all of the scratched-up door frames. I’m tired of Calypso.
I resent my husband. I know he felt bad and wanted to help, but I was very firm about the fact that I wanted only one cat, and I have done my best to be OK with a second one.
But he doesn’t care.
I want to rehome Calypso since she is young and healthy and would have no problem finding a good home while Thomas is older, has a compromised immune system, and will need more dental surgery. But my husband refuses. He asks how I can consider getting rid of Calypso and accuses me of wanting to throw her away like she’s trash.
AITJ for resenting my husband and wanting to rehome a healthy cat I made a commitment to?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
I may be very biased since my fur baby is FIV+.
It’s largely not recommended that FIV+ cats are kept with other cats, and if they’re fighting a lot then there’s a risk that Thomas could pass it to Calypso. If you haven’t already, I’d recommend reading up on the risks.
Unfortunately, I do think that your best bet here is to re-home Calypso.
If she’s not happy, and it was suggested that she should be the only pet, then it’s likely she can find another home where she can have that and be happy. It’s also unfair to potentially expose her to contracting FIV.
This must be a very difficult situation for you, and I don’t think you’d be throwing Calypso to the side like trash.
This might be the best thing for her, and she doesn’t sound happy having to live with Thomas.” Reddit user
Another User Comments:
“NTJ at ALL!!! The fact that you’re even thinking far ahead and clearly enough to understand that your younger healthier FIRST cat would have a much better chance at adoption is rare.
Most people just keep whichever they like more or think is cuter.
Animals don’t always get along and having the two of them in a tighter space when they’re already grumpy is going to make it worse. You agreed to one cat and ended up with another.
He asked you to bring the little dude inside.
You’re doing your best with a really crappy situation but thank you for taking care of both of those kitties, and taking the time/money/love to care for Thomas.” lilburblue
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The cats are so miserable that it is actually affecting their physical health.
I understand that your husband loves both the cats and it can feel like giving up on your own children, but if both cats are suffering this badly, it would be selfish not to change the situation. You have to do what’s best for the cats in the long run, not what’s best for your heart.” Wren1101
Another User Comments:
“ESH.
You knew Calypso didn’t get along with other cats and you still added another cat to the household. That’s on both you and your husband.
That being said, you should definitely rehome Calypso. Both her and Thomas are suffering in the current situation and keeping them both is not an option. Since Calypso is more adoptable it makes sense to find a new home for her.” Reddit user
6. AITJ For Not Supporting My Friend?
“I’m once again having a sleepless night over this, so I’m finally getting other opinions.
I suffer from mental problems, and I found a friend online that was in a very similar situation. We used to message a lot and offer each other support in our situations.
For example, we shared ways we found helpful to bring up heavy subjects in therapy and so on.
One day, all responses just died out. He ghosted me on an arranged meeting, and after not hearing anything from him for days, he just said he needed some space for a while.
I messaged him normally after that, but I got either no response or one-worded answers after hours, days, and even weeks of waiting. I tried to ask what was going on, and got “nothing” and “everything’s fine” as responses. I tried to engage in more lighthearted conversations, and those weren’t even opened.
I tried pressuring him, but nothing. I worried myself sick over not knowing what was the problem, if I had caused it, if something horrible had happened. But no matter what I tried, I just got “I’m not good at responding” although that wasn’t an issue before.
I was torn and heartbroken.
I was sure I had done something wrong, that I had hurt him. I worried if something had happened, an accident for example. I tried to coax out responses, but I got nothing. I couldn’t sleep, I couldn’t eat, I just worried about my friend, if he was ok.
I cornered my friend after a couple of months of this and insisted on hearing the truth.
I tried to ask if I had done something, and he said that I hadn’t done anything wrong. I tried to ask if something else was going on, but all I got was “I don’t know” and “I’m not good at these kinds of things” even though we had discussed similar things over and over without any issues.
I was already too torn over the entire situation, so I decided then that I’m not going to initiate conversations any longer, but made sure my friend could still reach out to me if necessary. I said he could message me any time if he figures out a way I can be helpful again, or just to send memes if he wants to.
I said many times that I don’t hate him, which he said he understood… Though I’m not so sure if he told me the truth.
I don’t know if my friend will ever talk to me again. My other friends assured me that my own health comes first and I can’t keep on stressing myself to week-long insomnia over this situation, but I miss my friend.
I feel like I’ve let him down, and removed his only emotional support outside therapy. I’m doing better myself now, though I still need the emotional stability and can’t go back to worrying myself sick.
I’m not saying I’m entitled to responses from him, and I’ve told that to him as well.
He can and should prioritize his life as he sees fit. My issue is the sudden change in tone. Encouraging one another turned to ignorance in what feels like an eyeblink. I don’t know what changed, and since he won’t tell me, I don’t know how to fix it.
Should I even try to sort this out? AITJ for leaving him on his own?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
I’m sorry you’ve been stressing so hard about this. It sounds like this is a him thing and I seriously doubt you have done anything to hurt him. I think in any kind of relationship, sometimes someone fades away for reasons of their own.
Maybe he’s going through some crap, maybe he’s doing better and for whatever reason wants to not engage with you at the moment.
Either way, you have gone above and beyond for your friend. Just the fact that you are so concerned and want to be there for them should they ever reach out, after essentially softly ghosting you, speaks volumes about what a caring person you are. You can’t help him unless he wants to be helped. I’m glad you are in a better place now.” its_shia_labeouf
5. WIBTJ For Bringing Up Prior Drama?
“My best friend “Rain” hates my partner, and that’s a fact that bothers both me and him. I theorize I could’ve vented too much to my best friend at the beginning of the relationship since this is my first real one and I didn’t understand relationships that well, but I’m not sure if that’s the case.
A couple of weeks ago Rain was hosting d&d (Dungeons & Dragons) for the group at their house one day, and I asked if I could bring my partner over because we wouldn’t be able to hang out afterward otherwise. They said no, saying reasons such as it being their house, and the fact they don’t want me AND my partner in their house.
Emphasis put on “and”.
I understood the first reason, but not the second, so I made a joke I’d bring my partner anyway, skipped d&d that day because I was angry, and went off on Rain in texts for hating my partner for no good reason and singling me out over cursing, inappropriate jokes, and social media.
They’re uncomfortable with these topics, and I knew that, but other people did them so I assumed it was okay. Rain then went off on me for not caring about their feelings, bad jokes, and cussing being morally wrong and I didn’t understand that and how they can’t help what they hate or love and they have a proposal to not mention things that each other hates.
They also took my joke seriously. Rain also pointed out I was one of the last people who needed to complete a backstory in the game, and I wasted everyone’s time by not being there. But other people weren’t going to show up so I felt fine chilling with my partner instead.
The topic was dropped immediately and it hasn’t been brought up since. However, in d&d sessions since I’ve cursed and made jokes, but not to the prior extent.
Then another friend of ours, “Faith”, heard only Rain’s side of the story and decided to go off on me for “acting like I don’t care about my best friend’s emotions” and questioned me on whether or not I wanted to be friends with my best friend.
I said that this wasn’t her drama, she didn’t need to get involved, and she didn’t give me the choice of who my friends were. Faith replied that they have reason to be involved because she’s one of my best friend’s friends, I’ve had a constant stand-off approach, I never seem to respect my best friend’s wishes, and she was wondering if I had acknowledged how I was treating Rain.
She also said she meant no harm. I went off on her because she only got Rain’s side of the story but involved herself, and I didn’t understand how I’ve had a constant stand-off approach. I haven’t gotten a text from her since.
I kinda want to bring it up again because I don’t feel any closure, but I don’t want to stir up drama, and I already feel guilty for everything so far.
Friends say I’m justified, but I’m not sure. AITJ for all this? WIBTJ for bringing up prior drama as well if I do?”
Another User Comments:
“Hmm. It sounds like you vent a lot passionately when you’re angry but then cool off when you stop being so angry, or you get more information.
Maybe your close friend Rain does this too with their friends. It sounds like Rain dislikes you for the same reason Faith is angry at you: based on things that you and Rain said when you were angry. Rain also thinks you should not curse, use social media or make inappropriate jokes, but gives free rein to other people doing these things, in other words, they have a double standard for you.
That leads me to say ESH.
I have a friend who works in a toxic environment with several friends and had a very stressful life. She vented angrily over minor stuff, then would cool down. Her complaints often had the effect of setting some of her friends up against one another, because she was angry about someone mistreating her.
Like Faith is being defensive on Rain’s behalf. Maybe you were a jerk to Rain, but it sounds like Rain was a jerk also. Faith is too young to know what Ann Landers used to say: “MYOB”, which is “Mind Your Own Business”. The time to intercede in a friendship or relationship is when it becomes violent — not when people are having a spat about whether someone should bring their partner to a D&D session or curse.
This makes everyone sound very young also.
Complaining about friends to friends is one habit you don’t want to keep practicing as you get older. When your partner is very cruel, or you’re trying to resolve a problem with someone and want advice (you’re not just angry at them, but wanting a friend to help by being a sounding board – not just someone to vent to, there is a difference), then it’s worth sharing with friends, but when it’s just minor league stuff – Bethie was in a bad mood and said your calves were chunky, Miki and you both like the same guy – the people who you vent to, if they don’t know the other person, may not see it as minor league stuff – even as you yourself grow out of it.
Faith, for example, doesn’t understand that even if Rain is upset with you, it’s out of line for her to try to mediate in your friendship.
Either Faith has taken it on herself to demand you treat Rain a certain way, which is high-handed and crappy OR Rain has asked Faith to intercede because they don’t feel your previous discussions went far enough – or they want a mutual friend to side with them and prove to you that you’re the butthead.
That is ALSO serious jerk behavior.
When I was in my late teens some of my friends and I meddled with each other in that way, to the detriment of serious trust. None of those people are in my life anymore, and I hate to say it, but while I still have friends who value loyalty and love, I have never regretted easing away from the “Rain” and “Faith” type friends I had when I was younger.
They sound like they have very limited abilities to be friends with people who think and act a little differently from them, probably because they have very sheltered lives that revolve around their spiritual beliefs. Is that the case?
I think if you want your friendship with Rain to continue since you have very different values, you should see if you want to spend time on your own with them.
Maybe do an activity like tennis or walking a dog. I would avoid spending time with Rain and Faith together.” DocChiaroscuro
Another User Comments:
“Everyone does not have to like your partner they just gotta be civil. I’m concerned about why you cannot hang out with your friends without your partner and why he had to be there at d&d.
Why can’t you hang out afterward without your partner? Is he that controlling and needy? Or are you that needy with him?
It’s healthy to spend time apart from relationships. Sometimes when your friends don’t like who you’re going out with it’s because they care about you and see this person not treating you right or taking all of your time away from them.
Your friends might be looking out for you.
YTJ when it comes to the situation because your friend has every right to say no they do not want your partner there at their house and they do not have to like him just be civil to him.
And your reaction to your friend saying no was very immature. You’re pretty much saying your partner needs to hang out with you or you’re going to get mad and bail on d&d and not really giving your friend a choice.” Yeeting_Chickens
Another User Comments:
“So…you complained a lot about your partner and then are surprised when your friends don’t like him? Sorry, YTJ.
A word of advice: If you aren’t talking about all the positive aspects of the person you are going out with at the beginning and are instead talking about the negative, those are serious red flags in your relationship.” lolafalanax
Another User Comments:
“Let me get this straight. You had a d&d meeting and you asked if someone who isn’t part of the party could join. They said no. You got mad and left them hanging to hang out with your partner.
I would say YTJ.” Abeyita
4. AITJ For Not Wanting To Make The Trip To See A Guy?
“I (22f) have been “talking” to this guy Jack for a couple of months now after he slid into my DMs. I’m familiar with him as we went to the same high school, and we had a stint where we had talked previously when I was a freshman.
He’s a year older than me and is still in school due to his switching of majors. I have already graduated college and moved back home. He goes to school about 4 hours away from me.
We have both expressed a desire to meet up and see where things take us.
However, we both have a lot of factors going into play where we both knew it was going to take some planning and perhaps some sacrifice on one person’s end.
Apparently, Jack has expected me to make the sacrifice. Now don’t get me wrong, I know he’s in school and he works on the weekends and I know what it’s like to be a college kid.
He has invited me to stay at his place and even offered that I would get his bed and he’d take the couch and whatnot. But I feel like the situation is not ideal for a first-time meet-up. I’ve expressed to him that if this were to turn into something serious, I would have no problem being the one to make the commute on weekends.
However, I told him that it was not ideal for me to make a 4-hour commute to a place where I don’t know anyone, and make plans to spend the weekend with him when we haven’t seen how we connect. He’s even told me that if I came up on a weekend, he would ask to “get out of work early” and that if I wanted, I could hang out at the bar where he works until he got off, or hang out with his housemates, whom I’ve never met before until he got off.
Additionally, I’ve told Jack I definitely don’t think he would ever do anything, but I’ve been through some serious trauma from past relationships and told him that because of those experiences I am more cautious about my decisions when it comes to relationships.
At the time, he seemed understanding.
He has also asked/almost expected that I take off work. I am a new employee at my first real job and have not accumulated enough paid time off to really take the time off during the week. Not to mention I have my first vacation with my family in several years coming up that I need to save up that PTO for.
I’ve asked him if he’d be willing to come home for a weekend and maybe take off work one day (he doesn’t have class on Fridays) as it seemed to make more sense that he drives 4 hours home where he has a family and other friends to come home to even if sparks didn’t fly when we first met.
He has made it seem like that is not possible. I asked him about his spring break. His response is that he would still be working and would have homework.
I like to think I’m really empathetic and understanding but I need some insight. AITJ? Should I just suck it up and make the trip?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
I’m a dude and I wouldn’t want to drive 4 hours to see a girl I’m kind of seeing but not really, where I don’t know anyone else, I have to stay with them and I have to hang out with their roommates while they’re at work.
It’s going to be so uncomfortable for you that it will sabotage any type of relationship you might have.
I’d wait until he can travel back to see his parents, and then arrange a date. It seems weird that he’s not making any effort to move his schedule around to see you if he’s really interested.
This could be one of those cases of bad timing.” MontiBurns
Another User Comments:
“No one’s a jerk.
He goes to college and works on the weekends so it seems he has legitimate reasons for not being able to make the trip. And you are right as well as a young woman traveling to a guy’s house you are just talking to isn’t a wise choice.
I just think the distance just might be too much here to actually give things between you a try.” cstatus94
3. WIBTJ For Ratting Out The Owner's Daughter?
“So I work for a liquor store in a very small town. This store has 5 employees total including the owner’s daughter. The owner has a full-time job other than the store and isn’t in the store very much so his daughter is the manager and handles basically all ordering and whatnot.
A few months ago we had a delivery driver give us the wrong order that was for a different store.
In my town, we have two liquor stores right down the road from each other with very similar names. Think “plaza liquor store” and “the liquor store”.
It was a night that I was alone working with a pretty considerable line. The driver comes in (super friendly guy) and just wants me to sign because he’s in a hurry and there’s a line that he’d have to wait for.
Now, this mistake of mine is important to how I feel about the situation…
I did not check the invoice before I signed for the delivery. This driver is great, he’s been with the company a while, and to my knowledge hasn’t messed up in a big way as far as our store. So long story short this order was actually for the store down the road and we got our orders mixed up.
Not a huge deal someone just had to drive not half a mile and swap the orders.
The second thing that makes me wonder about the situation is the orders didn’t get swapped until the next day when I wasn’t working. The owner’s daughter drove and swapped them out.
So fast forward to now and the delivery driver was so thankful that we didn’t make a big deal about this.
We fixed it without him having to drive all the way out just to simply swap a couple of boxes of wine with a store less than half a mile away. He gave us a $60 gift card to a chain restaurant addressed with the names of each employee (even ones that weren’t there when this situation happened) to thank us for being so great.
One of my coworkers sent all of us a group text with a picture of the card and that it was addressed to everyone individually so we’ve all seen it.
This past week the gift card goes missing. A couple of us are wondering where it went until one of my coworkers who has the manager on Snapchat saw her send a snap that read “drinks on the delivery driver” with a picture of the GC that was supposed to be for the store employees.
She was just out with friends and not any of our coworkers. I think this is so messed up I can’t believe she would take the GC for herself. I’d like to bring it up with the owner, her father, about it (the other employees are kinda shy and they don’t want to rock the boat) but I don’t know if I’m the right person to do it.
1.) because I made the mistake initially and accepted the wrong order, and 2.) because I wasn’t there when it was fixed. What do you guys think?”
Another User Comments:
“This is going against the grain but YWBTJ in my opinion.
You made the mistake so you’re not entitled to the gift card in the first place.
You shouldn’t get rewarded for causing a problem and not personally fixing it.
You also stated the daughter is the one who drove and rectified the situation.
The gift card was to thank whoever fixed the issue without fuss. It may have been addressed to everyone but everyone didn’t fix it, she fixed it.
She has the most claim to the gift card. It seems rightfully hers.” 4zeezer
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I’m a manager in a similar industry and any gifts or tips we get are divided up between non-salaried staff. I don’t take anything for myself unless it is literally a one-on-one interaction that I had 100% responsibility for and no one else is involved. And even then… I usually just buy my staff donuts with the money.” GlitteringHair7
2. AITJ For Calling Out My Friend?
“I have to say I’m pretty bad with keeping friends and I get easily upset with people in general. But I try to smile way more often than before and tend to go out more. Even though I’m pretty introverted by nature I really want to make a few good friends and enjoy university life.
I went abroad for a year and stopped talking to most of my friends from school because I couldn’t find a reason to keep them. And when I was younger I wasn’t really dependent on having friends so I didn’t really care. Now I know some people actually do appreciate me and enjoy my company so I try to be more active in friend groups.
So there was this guy I knew since 5th grade and he texted me one day out of the blue before I went abroad (so I still had a pretty bad attitude towards some people and assumed the worst, I know I know horrible).
He mentioned that he broke up with his partner and now wants to meet up with me to catch up again. I kinda agreed but I didn’t really feel like meeting him also. I just mentioned that I wasn’t interested in him and it escalated into an argument and after that, we stopped talking.
I didn’t mind it too much but when I went abroad I thought I might’ve misunderstood him and apologized for being a jerk.
Fast forward to now I met up with him. During the conversation, he asked whether I have a partner which I thought was just a casual question to keep the conversation flowing.
I smile a lot more now but I don’t think of it as me being suggestive. In the end, we decided to meet up again (in my mind as friends) and he invited me over to his place to cook something up and just talk. He started getting kinda close and personal but I hoped he wouldn’t get the wrong signals so I left early.
And he drove me back home even though I wanted to take the train and told him repeatedly. After that, he started sending me messages of him missing me and started calling me at night. I didn’t take the calls and kept my messages pretty distanced so he wouldn’t get the wrong idea.
Since then, I tried to be more careful about not thinking too much of it and stayed pretty quiet.
So now he was sending me some weird single message and called me at like 4 am. I was out with friends and saw the message only in the morning.
Pretty annoyed I answered and said that I don’t want to be in a relationship with him and I find it relatively annoying that he keeps calling me at night. To which he responded in a really defensive way of me being stupid if I think like that and that he wouldn’t want to go out with me either.
That this is the reason why I don’t have any friends, etc. I got angry and just told him that I don’t need friends like him anyways. I feel super angry that I have to stay friendly but my smiling comes off as really suggestive and that I’m at fault for leading him on.
AITJ for lashing out on him like that? I felt like he was trying to manipulate me somehow especially since it felt like he tricked me into going out with him without actually suggesting that we were.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
You told him you didn’t want to go out with him. You “mistook it” for that (which it clearly was to him) and apologized after he blasted you because he wanted to save face. So, you didn’t show that you had changed your mind, simply that you are sorry to have acted that way since he wasn’t interested.
You somehow ended up going out with him again and the dude blew up your phone, got called out, and insulted you.
Basically, if he suggests you need to keep friends like that to have more people in your life, I think you may be better off alone!” Agirlnamedsue2
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
You had it right the first time: he was looking to hook up/have a rebound relationship.
When a jerk feels rejected, they respond with aggression and insults, and will always try and frame it as you having poor behavior.
See, when a normal person is told “to be clear I’m not interested in you” they don’t make it into a blow-up argument about how dare you to think that about them.
They say “yeah don’t worry I wasn’t looking for that lol,” and move on with the friendship
When a normal person is told that they’re crossing your personal boundaries friendship-wise they don’t launch into how you’re a horrible witch for having those boundaries and don’t want to go out with you anyway, they say “ok” and respect your boundaries.
This is how you tell it’s just a jerk.
Even if you take him at his word that he wasn’t interested in you that way: holy crap what kind of jerk blows up at someone for having boundaries? You certainly wouldn’t want him as a friend anyway. Again he’s a jerk and you’re not.” AnorhiDemarche
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
When someone makes it clear what their boundaries are and that it’s pretty obvious by now that they don’t want a relationship that’s when you actually back off. He was inappropriately pushing those boundaries and making you uncomfortable.
You should stay away from this guy, he has clear issues, he isn’t your friend and clearly either he was 1) projecting his past relationship onto you and 2) convincing you to go out with him.
Either way, it’s not okay.” ouelletouellet
1. AITJ For Not Wanting To Move Back In With My Partner?
“So a bit of context first. I am 23 and currently studying in a city that’s like an hour away from where my partner (24) and I lived together.
The last year was pretty rough for me and our relationship I had a really bad time and pretty much failed at university which made me feel even worse and almost led to us ending the relationship because I really wasn’t myself anymore.
I wanted to keep going and decided to move out and go to another university but keep studying the same subject because I have a lot of fun doing it and want to get a job in that branch. Since I couldn’t a small job to pay for our apartment and the university, which basically led to me feeling really bad and not getting out of my bed for like half a year I decided to move out and try focusing on university for the week and get home on the weekends so we could spend some time together.
I should add that we are already 6 years together and basically spend every day together since the beginning so I knew this would be kinda hard for both of us.
The problem is now that my partner really wants to have me around more and it’s kind of okay when I don’t have to write any tests so I come to visit her every weekend.
Sometimes I even stay there 1 or 2 days longer just so we don’t have to spend as much time without each other. But now I have to write a lot of tests and said I would have to study to pass everything since I got really anxious before every test now due to failing pretty much everything I attended at my old university.
Since I moved out I felt a lot better and kinda got to find myself and do really well at university, which helped me get out of the hole I felt like living in the last year.
So the situation got so bad now for my partner that we really can’t find a way that makes us both happy.
The last thing I want is for her to suffer just so I can do my thing at university but I am also scared that if I don’t separate the university stuff I’ll start failing again and it all starts over again and that’s the last thing I want since it was pretty much the worst time of my life and I am really glad I fought my way back after that time.
(Today I think I really had something like depression since I couldn’t leave my bed for weeks and started not caring about myself, the relationship, or anything at all, kinda scary to think back cause now it really feels like I was a completely different person and we also almost broke up during that time but we somehow managed to get over it and I feel a lot better now for reasons I already said).”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – I understand your partner’s frustration and desire to have you around more but you are making the small sacrifice necessary for your own personal future and if you remain together it will benefit the both of you.
You’re not doing a single thing wrong. I don’t think your girl is maliciously doing anything wrong but there is an element of emotional blackmail/manipulation. Unknowingly to be fair to her. But she should understand why you are making the sacrifice. Why do you want to focus on Uni? And more importantly, after seeing you go through the depression episode you went through she should be supportive of your studies.
To me, it would be extremely unfair of her to know this and still expect you to remain the same as before. Whatever you do.
DO NOT QUIT UNI. DO WHAT YOU HAVE TO DO TO MAKE YOURSELF BETTER. IF PASSING THAT COURSE AND GRADUATING IS WHAT YOU WANT TO DO.
THEN DO IT! NO MATTER WHAT.” tesum123
Another User Comments:
“No one’s a jerk. So, for various reasons, you’d prefer to not live together while in University, and your partner would prefer to live together. It’s something really to learn that one person and their partner can want and need opposite things, not just different, but at the antipodes.
But this is life so, try to be pragmatic: how much time do you need to finish university? If it’s a lot, do you have breaks on summer/Christmas, etc. you could pass with her? Did you think about your partner moving to your city instead of going to the first one? The best you can do is to communicate with her, you’ve been together for 6 years so you should now know how important it is to be clear and open.” ginnymoons
Another User Comments:
“Well right now, YTJ.
You’re choosing a career over your family. Why can you just do your work at your apartment with your girl? Just do what you need to do with your girl there or else you’re gonna end up alone with a career. Unless that’s what you want.” RANDDEERRSS
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