People Show Concern Over Their Actions In These 'Am I A Jerk?" Stories

"I (20M) have a big family. We're all pretty close and all get together for Christmas every year. I came out as bi when I was in high school, and my mother and the rest of my family were supportive, but my grandma and my dad (her son) didn't take it as well.

My grandma has been pressuring me to bring home a girl for Christmas; I guess she thinks the whole bi thing is just a phase, so to prove her wrong, I brought home a boy instead. He (20M, let's call him Kevin) goes to the same college as I do, but he's just a friend.

When I introduced Kevin to my grandma, she faked like she was fine with it. After she arrived, my estranged older sister (23F, let's call her Sara) who we haven't seen for 6 years showed up out of NOWHERE. She got pregnant when she was 17 and my dad kicked her out.

I was super heartbroken at the time. I never really got over losing my best friend and role model, and just when I thought I had come to terms with her leaving forever she shows up with her 6 year old. When Sara arrived, everyone was justifiably upset with her but I was the angriest. I yelled at her until we were both crying and I said all the stuff I had been meaning to say over the past 6 years. She told me she was sorry but I was still mad. While I was still fuming, everyone else decided to forgive her. Things were still awkward but it was clear they were making an effort to include her, pretending like she never left us to begin with, but I decided to be the bigger person and just go along with it.

Fast forward to Christmas Eve dinner. Everyone's just trying to be normal when my grandma starts insinuating that Kevin is gay because he grew up in foster care. My dad tries to defend Kevin, reminding my grandma of her agreement to be tolerant of us over Christmas, but I'm angry and ask him why he's standing up for Kevin when he never stands up for me.

I'm yelling now and Sara tries to comfort me, going on about how I have a right to be angry but that this isn't the way, and I snap back telling her to shut up and how she's just as bad as my dad and grandma.

Then my grandma gets angry at ME, telling me not to talk to my sister like that, and how she's been through a lot. I shoot back that I've been through just as much crap with them not accepting my sexuality, all while Sara ran away with her kid. Everyone's fighting now, trying to pick sides, Sara and my mom are crying, and I just keep going because I'm so angry and I've had all this bottled up for so long. Kevin takes my hand and starts telling me to calm down and think about things and I reply that he needs to stay out of it because he's not even my friend and I don't care about him. He stares at me for a moment and then runs out and drives off in my brother's car.

My mom tells my grandma she's no longer welcome in our house and she leaves. It's been a week and it looks like I'm expected to apologize and fix things but I think that's BS.

AITJ?"

Another User Comments:

"ESH, all of you suck except for Kevin. I’m not going to touch on your family because it seems very complicated and there are a lot of issues flying around. Except for the fact your homophobic father and grandma suck.

But you are definitely a jerk. You use this so called “friend” as a pawn in your mind games with your grandma and father, get yourself into an argument/ fight with them, and then when he tries to calm you down/ help you yell at him to stay out of it. You were 100% jerk to Kevin. Use him as a pawn to take digs at your grandma and then yell at him when he inevitably gets involved. You do owe Kevin a huge apology, flowers, beer, wine, whatever he wants really. The way you treated him was disgusting. I wouldn’t be surprised if he took a step back from your friendship going forward." BigNathaniel69

Another User Comments:

"YTJ for inviting this boy for Christmas, for the hostile environment you created for him, and finally for insulting and hurting him so badly, ONLY to prove your grandmother wrong... You were trying to create problems right from the beginning.

And you succeeded. INFO: Are you happy about all the problems you created, all the people you made unhappy? Did it go as you planned? YTJ as well for yelling at your sister. She was kicked out as a pregnant 17-year-old. I'm sure her trying to survive was higher on her agenda than being there for her younger brother, and she was right about that. Also, INFO: what did you do for HER when she was made a homeless pregnant teenager?" DoIwantToKnow6417

Another User Comments:

"YTJ. I suspect you are highly aware that in your family gatherings, tensions/emotions/drama can and does reach these levels. Meaning, you brought in a stranger to this chaos; and it really appears you did it as a trap card cause again, you were fully aware someone was going to do something dramatic and having Kevin there would let you grab the floor.

It is absurd for you to bring Kevin into this. Your family has lot of trauma and a lot of work to do. Don't bring in kind strangers to share the PTSD." pottersquash