People Show Concern Over Their Actions In These 'Am I A Jerk?" Stories
19. AITJ For Bringing a Male Friend to Christmas to Prove My Sexuality and Yelling at My Estranged Sister?
“I (20M) have a big family. We’re all pretty close and all get together for Christmas every year. I came out as bi when I was in high school, and my mother and the rest of my family were supportive, but my grandma and my dad (her son) didn’t take it as well.
My grandma has been pressuring me to bring home a girl for Christmas; I guess she thinks the whole bi thing is just a phase, so to prove her wrong, I brought home a boy instead. He (20M, let’s call him Kevin) goes to the same college as I do, but he’s just a friend.
When I introduced Kevin to my grandma, she faked like she was fine with it. After she arrived, my estranged older sister (23F, let’s call her Sara) who we haven’t seen for 6 years showed up out of NOWHERE. She got pregnant when she was 17 and my dad kicked her out.
I was super heartbroken at the time. I never really got over losing my best friend and role model, and just when I thought I had come to terms with her leaving forever she shows up with her 6 year old. When Sara arrived, everyone was justifiably upset with her but I was the angriest. I yelled at her until we were both crying and I said all the stuff I had been meaning to say over the past 6 years.
She told me she was sorry but I was still mad. While I was still fuming, everyone else decided to forgive her. Things were still awkward but it was clear they were making an effort to include her, pretending like she never left us to begin with, but I decided to be the bigger person and just go along with it.
Fast forward to Christmas Eve dinner. Everyone’s just trying to be normal when my grandma starts insinuating that Kevin is gay because he grew up in foster care. My dad tries to defend Kevin, reminding my grandma of her agreement to be tolerant of us over Christmas, but I’m angry and ask him why he’s standing up for Kevin when he never stands up for me.
I’m yelling now and Sara tries to comfort me, going on about how I have a right to be angry but that this isn’t the way, and I snap back telling her to shut up and how she’s just as bad as my dad and grandma.
Then my grandma gets angry at ME, telling me not to talk to my sister like that, and how she’s been through a lot. I shoot back that I’ve been through just as much crap with them not accepting my sexuality, all while Sara ran away with her kid.
Everyone’s fighting now, trying to pick sides, Sara and my mom are crying, and I just keep going because I’m so angry and I’ve had all this bottled up for so long. Kevin takes my hand and starts telling me to calm down and think about things and I reply that he needs to stay out of it because he’s not even my friend and I don’t care about him.
He stares at me for a moment and then runs out and drives off in my brother’s car.
My mom tells my grandma she’s no longer welcome in our house and she leaves. It’s been a week and it looks like I’m expected to apologize and fix things but I think that’s BS.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“ESH, all of you suck except for Kevin. I’m not going to touch on your family because it seems very complicated and there are a lot of issues flying around. Except for the fact your homophobic father and grandma suck.
But you are definitely a jerk. You use this so called “friend” as a pawn in your mind games with your grandma and father, get yourself into an argument/ fight with them, and then when he tries to calm you down/ help you yell at him to stay out of it.
You were 100% jerk to Kevin. Use him as a pawn to take digs at your grandma and then yell at him when he inevitably gets involved. You do owe Kevin a huge apology, flowers, beer, wine, whatever he wants really. The way you treated him was disgusting.
I wouldn’t be surprised if he took a step back from your friendship going forward.” BigNathaniel69
Another User Comments:
“YTJ for inviting this boy for Christmas, for the hostile environment you created for him, and finally for insulting and hurting him so badly, ONLY to prove your grandmother wrong… You were trying to create problems right from the beginning.
And you succeeded. INFO: Are you happy about all the problems you created, all the people you made unhappy? Did it go as you planned? YTJ as well for yelling at your sister. She was kicked out as a pregnant 17-year-old. I’m sure her trying to survive was higher on her agenda than being there for her younger brother, and she was right about that.
Also, INFO: what did you do for HER when she was made a homeless pregnant teenager?” DoIwantToKnow6417
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. I suspect you are highly aware that in your family gatherings, tensions/emotions/drama can and does reach these levels. Meaning, you brought in a stranger to this chaos; and it really appears you did it as a trap card cause again, you were fully aware someone was going to do something dramatic and having Kevin there would let you grab the floor.
It is absurd for you to bring Kevin into this. Your family has lot of trauma and a lot of work to do. Don’t bring in kind strangers to share the PTSD.” pottersquash
18. AITJ For Ending Things Over Text After One Date?
“I (21f) have been speaking with L (25nb) for a month.
We met on a social website and spoke for about a 3 weeks before agreeing to meet up on a date.
I got the bus and the train to them. We met up for the date in a safe public environment and it went okay. We continued to speak almost daily about different topics.
Here is where I think I’m the jerk. We had arranged another date but due to me being unable to sleep until 4 in the morning.
I did let them know at around midnight that I was unable to sleep and that hopefully I could still make it.
Eventually I slept and woke up to a phone call from them asking me if I was on my way. I explained that they had woke me up and I’d get ready.
The call ended, I checked the trains and buses, I would have made it an hour later than planned. I apologised and let them know about this, asking if that was okay for them. It wasn’t. They then asked if any other dates worked for me which due to work they didn’t.
I explained that I thought that I couldn’t see this relationship between us working out, with me being the main problem due to my sexuality differences. I apologised for saying this over text and then explained that I was going to discuss this with them today but I couldn’t make it.
They then said that I had ended things with them over text messages and that it was very inconsiderate of me to do this and even if I wanted to take things slowly it was inexcusable for me to say this over text messages. (I do understand that it was rude to do this over text messages, the other option was for me to get a 10 minute bus ride, then a 30 minute train ride to explain this to them, if you know about autism, you’ll understand why that is hard)
They also said that it was rude considering that they had booked time off work to see me and that they had brought me a gift. This then lead to them saying that I’d hurt them and that they were sorry that they had inconvenienced me throughout the month and that they would not speak to me anymore.
The issue I have is that we had no conversations about us being in an official relationship and since the date with them was my first ever date I’d been on (they knew this, and I explained that I wanted to speak on text messages first before we agree to meet up in person as they where very persistent with wanting a date) My assumption was that we would go on more dates and see if we were compatible with each other and then have a conversation about if we want to be together.
They thought that we were in a relationship with each other because we had been on this one date and had spoken about different topics each day. AITJ for not being on the same page as them, thinking that we were just friends at the minute?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Socializing is not going out, and telling someone you have only met as a date that you think things cannot work out is not “ending things” with them You have been honest and told them things out as soon as you knew this was going to be a problem.
The fact you have not told them face to face is due to time issues, and I think it is better than making them wait even more to tell them so If they seem to need a “proper explanation”, you can still call them and make you more clear in a verbal conversation.” AikaNemo
Another User Comments:
“!!! NTJ NTJ NTJ !!! knew someone who treated every first date and intention to see each other again as “we are now socializing” and it was awful (for both parties involved lol!) definitely a vibe to avoid.” xxxvoilet
17. AITJ For Confronting My Cousin Who Hijacked Her Sister's Grieving Process After Stillbirth?
“My cousin “Tammy” is 34 and has always had a desire to be the center of attention. Given this, I’m not sure why I was expecting anything different but given the circumstances I would have figured she would tone it down. Her sister (not blood relation to me because they have different dads) is 22 and she just gave birth to her son, who was unfortunately born still.
It was very unexpected. There were no pregnancy complications and everything was going perfectly but during her last scan, his heart simply stopped while they were in the middle of the ultrasound. She gave birth 3 days later, after being induced. As a mom myself, I cannot imagine the pain and suffering.
Her going a full 3 days, knowing her baby was gone, before she was able to birth him is so heartbreaking.
Now.. when she actually went into labor she struggled immensely. Mentally she was not in it, which was making the process harder I’m sure. At some point the doctor asked my cousin to hold her sister’s leg back to help the process.
Since then, my cousin has been over the top trying to steal her sister’s pain. Posting on social media that it was the worst day of her life and how she is so heartbroken. Posting pictures to her Instagram with her and the deceased baby with captions saying “my loss of you will never be forgotten.
I miss you already my beautiful boy”. It’s to a point where people are asking her when SHE got pregnant, thinking the baby is hers, and those are the only people she doesn’t respond to so she never clarifies to anyone that this is actually not her baby at all.
She does however respond to everyone saying “omg I’m so sorry for your loss”. I DO understand she has grief. That’s not even a question. But she’s riding her sister’s pain and depriving her sister the resources she needs to heal.
Well, I offered to make her sister dinner and bring it over to her and her sister asked if she could come to my place because being near her son’s nursery was too hard.
I of course said yes. She got a ride from my cousin. They invited over a few other family members of theirs (totally fine). Every single time anyone hugged this girl or told her how sorry they were, etc, my cousin would start the waterworks.
“How do you think I feel? I delivered my nephew dead. I’m not okay”. Eventually I was beyond fed up and pulled her aside and told her to stop hijacking her sister’s pain and that this isn’t about her. I told her to stop claiming she delivered that boy because she didn’t.
She held her sister’s leg, which is common. I told her she was being selfish as heck and if she didn’t stop, she could leave because she’s sickening me. I also told her that I understand she’s in pain too but that does not compare to her sister’s pain at all.
She ended up leaving immediately after that, stating that I’m an “ignorant piece of work” to think she’s not feeling this pain as deeply as her sister is and that she “hopes I never know this pain” (I do know this pain, I watched my mom go through it when I was 16 but it was my mom’s pain, not mine).
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Better Person than I am OP, I would have forced her out myself and yelled. As someone who has lost a child, being an aunt/uncle is not he same as being a mother/father who lost a child. How incredibly selfish to post pictures of the deceased child to SM and then not to correct people thinking that she’s the parent.
I would blast her all over SM.” COLGkenny
Another User Comments:
“NTJ why did your cousin take a picture of her deceased infant nephew that is what makes me convinced that she is doing it for the attention Has she ever had a stillbirth or a miscarriage?
Do you think it is possible she went through one and no one knew? Because that is the only sane reason I can think that she is acting like this Send that woman all your love she deserves it and makes sure she knows its not her fault so many women feel like it is when they have a stillbirth and they shouldn’t because it’s really is not” hyakira1216
Another User Comments:
“NTJ a million times over. What you did, standing up for your sister, was a beautiful thing. The other one, though… needs therapy or something. She’s embarrassing herself wildly. Sending my condolences and prayers/wishes/good vibes/nondenominational thoughts to your sister and family.
She is for sure hurting the worst, but it is heavy on everyone’s hearts, I’m sure, even if they’re not elbowing her out of the way so others can see them better.” Personal-Disaster287
16. AITJ For Backing Out Of My Best Friend's Bachelorette Because My Partner Got Fired?
“6 months ago my (24F) best friend Tess (26F) asked me to be her maid of honor for her wedding.
We have been friends for years now and I love her a lot, she has always been there for me and we’ve been through a lot together.
The one thing Tess was the most excited for was her bachelorette, she has been talking about it even before she got engaged (which is why I feel so guilty).
I also helped her plan our Vegas trip and we were supposed to leave this week.
But a few days ago, Jason got fired from work. Even though he saw it coming, it hit him hard. He’s just stressed and really upset. He didn’t even tell me at first because he didn’t want me to be worried but when he finally told me I just knew I couldn’t go anymore.
I was really conflicted, and I knew what this meant to Tess and that I’m the MOH, but I just couldn’t even consider going to Vegas while Jason is this upset. He’s a strong guy but I felt like he shouldn’t go through this alone.
I worked up the courage to call Tess and it just went so much worse than I planned. Tess thought I was joking first, and then she just became really angry which is understandable, but I wish she understood my situation too. Tess at first told me to do whatever and cut the call, she didn’t respond when I tried contacting her again.
After that she sent me a lot of messages saying that I’m stealing her special day, and started questioning why I accepted to be maid of honour if I didn’t want to do the duties that came along with it. She said I’m untrustworthy and jealous, that I’m ruining her special moment for a guy I’ve only known for a year.
I’ll admit, I usually don’t accept Tess’s offers to go clubbing and she blames that on Jason being controlling, but in reality but I’ve explained that, I just turned into a homebody because I never really enjoyed that stuff in the first place. I still go out with her a lot, I make sure I’m there for her.
But for her bachelorette, I was willing to do that and more. I really did want to go and make it special.
She told me that her whole plan will fall through, because I was the one with the plan. I told her I’ll explain it all to one of our other friends.But she said I don’t have to because I’m no longer her friend, that hurt a lot to hear.
One one hand, I don’t regret my decision, Jason needs me and Tess should understand how difficult this is for us. But also, this is a once-in-a-lifetime trip, and she has been dreaming about it since forever. I’m also the one who planned a lot of the stuff.
Our mutuals also reached out to let me know that Tess was very angry, and that what I did was not cool.Now I’m doubting myself, and I need to know if I have to apologise.
I obviously can’t ask anyone I know, Jason thinks I’m right, and I’m sure Derek and the bridesmaids think Tess is right.
So that is why this post. Thank you, if you are trying to help me.”
Another User Comments:
“I’m sorry, but YTJ. Jason can manage himself for a weekend without you, even if he is sad about something. He is a big boy and he can make plans with other friends and family and take care of himself while you are gone.
You bailed on your good friend to just sit home and hold his hand. I think you owe your friend a huge apology.” newfriend836639
Another User Comments:
“YTJ Jason knew about this for the last 6 months, if Jason doesn’t have himself together enough to endure a hard time without his partner then you need to evaluate your relationship a bit better.
You prioritizing your partner over your best friend in most situations is understandable but an event like this? Questionable. More context is needed on the duration of your friendship with her and your relationship with him but in all honesty; People get fired all the time, I understand it sucks real bad but it’s not the end of the world and certainly not a reason he can’t survive by himself for a few days” SnooComics1856
Another User Comments:
“Sorry dear, but YTJ. This is a once-in-a-lifetime event for your long-time friend, and you just ditched her for your man. If he is that fragile that he can’t handle a stressful time in his life without you holding his hand (for a very short time while you fulfill a HUGE responsiblity and honour to your friend), then I would give some serious thought to what your life is going to look like in 10, 20 or 30 years when you have no friends left because you just showed them very clearly where they stand in your priority list.” AgreeableEnergy85
15. AITJ For Refusing To Pay Postage For My Birthday Card From My Uncle?
“I’ve been having cancer treatment for a few years now. The side effects have been devastating and I’ve been unable to work. My disability benefits were wrongfully stopped after my last assessment, despite multiple letters of support from doctors, and I’m currently gathering evidence for the appeal. This means I don’t have any funds.
My OD is already maxed out. I cut my food intake down to two meals a day, then one. I have used food banks but they can be a nightmare and take a long time to access as here in the UK you need a referral from someone like a doctor and it can take a while to get an appointment.
All of this is just to demonstrate that I cannot afford to waste a penny. On the 29th it was my birthday. I got a call from my elderly uncle to say that he had sent me a birthday card. He said don’t get excited, it’s just a card, there are no funds in it as he can’t afford to send any.
I thanked him, said it’s fine and that I appreciate the thought. But then he said he was calling to let me know he’d forgotten to put a stamp on it so I would have to pay the postage when it got here. I told him not to worry but inside I did feel my heart sink, wondering how much it would cost.
I got a card from Royal Mail saying they have an item for me on which postage wasn’t paid and I need to pay. I was shocked to see they were charging £5. I never thought it would be that much. I decided not to collect it as I just can’t afford to effectively spend £5 buying my own birthday card.
This morning my uncle called to ask if I’d received it. I told him they wanted £5 for the postage and I couldn’t afford that, so I would just leave it. I thanked him again for sending it though. He got angry and upset that I wouldn’t pay to receive it, and acted like I was rejecting the card and rejecting him.
I explained that he knows my situation and that I just don’t have £5 right now. When he again insisted on me receiving the card because he “sent it with love,” I said that he could pay the £5 charge for it to be released to me.
He refused, saying he’s a pensioner and on a limited income. I said I’m on no income at all right now.
He got quiet and ended the call. Just now his wife phoned me and had a right go at me. She said I’m ungrateful for not accepting the card, and manipulative for giving a “sob story” about why I can’t pay for it.
She said I have an “absolute cheek for asking Uncle A for funds” meaning asking him to pay the £5 to release the card, and if my grandparents were alive they’d be ashamed at how selfish and inconsiderate I have turned out to be. She said he spent time picking out a special card and they won’t send me anything in future.
I didn’t even bother arguing and just hung up.
I don’t feel like I’m the jerk for not accepting the card but maybe I am for telling him I wouldn’t accept the card. Looking back maybe I should have just pretended I received it? Or am I really the jerk for not paying for it?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Sounds like they were either too cheap to buy a £1.25 stamp or they decided they couldn’t be bothered to buy one when they realised they had run out. Royal Mail charges for this kind of thing are daft and its not fair to put that one someone else.
They should own their mistake rather than try to guilt you into paying for it.” sjw_7
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Your uncle is making this all about himself. It’s your birthday and you’re going through difficult times and he should respect your word that five quid is a lot without any income.
His actions here are nigh on narcissistic and at least extremely toxic. I don’t think it is unreasonable to refuse paying to receive an unsolicited gift (card) in your situation (or in any situation, for that matter). All the best for you, stranger. I hope things get better and soon.” A_way_awry
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, at all. On the food and budget side of things, have you tried the Olio app? It’s free to use and doesn’t require any referrals or information. Basically volunteers collect food from shops and supermarkets that can’t be sold but is still perfectly fine to consume (like veggies or bread on their ‘use by’ date) and you collect for free from the volunteers directly by requesting on the app.
My area also has a social media page and they often post when there’s new deliveries, reminding people to request things so that they don’t go to waste :)” cloudsanddreams
14. AITJ For Wanting To Work and Not Always Babysit My Younger Siblings?
“I’ll give background to who I am, I’m 16(m) with 2 parents 1(38F) 1(40M), 3 younger sisters 1 (14), 1 (2), and 1 due in March.
I’m in high school (Jr year) doing well, passing my classes with mostly A’s, making honor roll every year, and a “good” kid in high school. I wouldn’t consider myself a lazy person either, as I workout 3-5 times a week, wrestle during the winter, and clean the house 2-5 times a week, I don’t normally socialize often outside of school as I don’t feel motivated to do so, so then I just stay inside and either play my game, read, study a language, or pray.
3 years ago, my mom and dad both worked, my mom used to work around 50-80 hours a week to “catch up” on bills, often times she would come home tired and would sleep during the day, while my dad worked around 40-50 ish hours and would be tired too.
Often times my mom would complain about no one doing anything around the house and calls me and my sister lazy, I usually don’t say anything to those complaints, but sometimes I get irritated and say I actually clean around the house and that you only sleep so of course you wouldn’t pay attention.
Moving forward a year or so when my mom announced she was pregnant, I was kind of irritated because she would always complain about bills and how she needed to catch up on them, I proceeded to say how are you going to say you need to catch up on bills but then have another child, I can’t remember what she had told me, but a month or two later the reason she wanted to have another kid was because “I love being a mother” in my head at the time I have kinda seen it as selfish as she didn’t want to be “alone”.
Somewhere in June or July (2023) my mom was pregnant but then had a miscarriage 5 weeks later, 2 weeks later she gets pregnant again with a girl.
I wanted to work over the summer and be a little bit more independent as I’m only a few years from being a legal adult so I ask my mom can I work, she says yes but she needs to get funds for an ID.
The next thing you know she never gives me my ID to work.
My mom complains that I go out a lot and give my attention to my partner instead of my baby sister or the “things” around the house saying I half a** things around here.
Many times I don’t have a problem with playing/watching my sister but at times my mom makes it seem like I’m obligated to watch my sister anytime she’s tired from work or sees she’s “struggling”. And that she once again says she pays for everything and all I do is ask for items just because I clean the house “like I’m supposed to do”.
Which I feel as isn’t true as I hardly ask for wants, one comment she said was I can walk to school mind you it’s the winter and when I wanted to walk to school. She said it was not safe to do so.
And she won’t be paying my phone bill anymore as it’s her funds and have my partner pay for it instead. I made the comment when I wanted to work you said no because I’m not “ready” then started yelling at me telling me to go to my room while slamming the doors.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You’re a good kid, and not her husband. Why isn’t your father helping her if she needs it so desperately? I understand expecting kids to do chores, etc., but it sounds like you’re already doing that whilst your mother assuming you will do everything else, that you’re not responsible for.” applebee500
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. A clear cut case of parentification. You’re absolutely right. Your parents are being selfish and irresponsible. You are a teenager. You should want to go out and spend time with your partner. It’s not on you to help raise your siblings.” RedQueen88
Another User Comments:
“NTJ You definitely need to get your hands on your birth certificate and social security card. You are her plan for child care. Speak to your guidance counselor at school. Do whatever you need to do that you don’t end up being the parent yet again.” star_b_nettor
13. AITJ For Crying After My Partner Made a Snarky Comment About My Eating Habits?
“I (20F) and my partner (M21) have been together for 3 years now, 4 in June.
Bit of a relevant fact: I’ve never been properly diagnosed but I’m fairly certain that I have or had an ed growing up (my therapist said he was sure I had one, but he couldn’t make a diagnosis, since he can’t do that without a medical license) and still have some thoughts like that.
To this day I’m scared of food and the relationship I have with food is just unhealthy. I’m working on it tho. Also: I’m overweight. I developed PCOS at 16 and gained 30kg (66lbs) and due to the PCOS and eating problems I can’t lose the weight.
I talk to my partner a lot about how I’m bummed that I can’t lose the weight. It always has been a topic in our relationship and he always offers help and is there for me when I’m depressed about it.
But ever since spending so much time at his place and eating there, he makes snarky comments when I’m eating or when I would like a little sweet.
It bothers me and makes me feel awful. I then entirely stop eating for the rest of the day because I feel judged. I talked to him about it and he apologised but said he is worried about me and just wants to help me lose the weight.
It seriously feels like I’m back at home with my almond mom.
I said I would love his help but he should be nicer about it and stop the judgement. The comments never stop. I also noticed the looks on his face when I’m eating.
He insists on being the one serving me my plate and he always puts so little on it. When his dad asks if that’s enough for me because it’s a small portion, my partner jumps in and says that I always eat that little and don’t need more.
I just nod along to avoid confrontation.
But today it all bundled up and I just couldn’t hold it anymore. I was so hungry today so I asked for seconds. My partner gave me a death stare and said “you don’t need that, just drink a Glas of water and you’ll be fine” and laughed it off.
I just started crying, I couldn’t hold it in. I said “but I’m hungry and making me starve isn’t gonna help me lose the weight”
His father and brother defended me and told my partner to stop with the comments and how they’ve noticed that he’s controlling me and they are worried about me.
I just excused myself and went to the guest bedroom. He has bombarded my phone calling me jerk for making him the villain and pushing his family against him. That he is only looking out for me and that I’m ungrateful. I should be happy that he is trying his best to help me through this.
I genuinely don’t know what to think. I feel like crap because other than the food comments, he is the best guy I’ve ever met (I know it doesn’t seem like it in this post but he’s so supportive and loving outside of this topic) and I love him so much and am so sorry for not being able to control my emotions.
Maybe I should’ve just talk to him more about it bothering me and not making it public like that. I’m unable to think straight rn.
So, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He isn’t loving or supportive. You are in an abusive relationship, his family actually took your side to stand up to him!
Please be careful, and please try to get out of this. It will only get worse, especially behind closed when it is very likely he is going to escalate his anger once he no longer has an audience. I am sorry you are dealing with this.
You deserve to love and feel good about yourself. You are SO young and I promise you will find someone to ACTUALLY love and support you. This isn’t it.” Usual-Caterpillar237
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I have an ED as well. Sometimes it feels uncontrollable and I’ve asked my partner for help before.
We talk things over and celebrate the victories, they help me meal prep and take walks with me. They never try to control my food intake because it just triggers symptoms (I have binge eating disorder and when I feel restricted and judged I just get ashamed and hide what I’m doing, or go the opposite and just don’t eat for days on end).
Judgey comments and making your plate don’t help anything at all. If he truly is nice and wonderful then talk to him and set boundaries otherwise you’re never going to feel comfortable. Stay strong though things can definitely get better!” bighatamber
Another User Comments:
“Definitely NTJ.
There is a possibility he is just clueless about how to “help” you. Ask him to sit with you while you research online “how to help my partner lose weight” or similar (or whatever question you would like to educate him on). Guaranteed there will be many articles telling him what not to do as well as what to do.
If he won’t do that, or he doesn’t realize what he is doing is wrong, then you need to break up with him. In an ideal world, the two of you will find some basis from your research to move forward in a way that works for YOU.
This could be that he butts out completely and lets you be, or it could be that you start walking together after dinner each night, take up swimming, stop buying unhealthy foods etc. He needs to SUPPORT you IF and only IF you want him to and that needs to be positive support not negative.
He also needs to stop overseeing your food choices. If he won’t do that, or he can’t, then you need to break up with him.” Mauinfinity-0805
12. AITJ For Not Showing Up To Babysit On The Second Day?
“So last Friday, my mom called to ask me if I (24f) can babysit for a friend of hers, who I’ve known for a long time and has a 2.5 yo, for the weekend.
They will come to the city for a conference that’s being held. Not thinking enough I said yes, I’m free this weekend. Mom said great and hung up the phone. I thought they would drop the baby to my house. I’m married and I don’t have children of my own yet.
Then my mom’s friend called me saying they were on the way and very happy that I agreed to babysit. She informed me that the baby is sick-ish and wants to be around mommy all the time so we might not be able to take her even to my mom’s house, which is way more near the conference, so we have to be at the conference place.
This is how I learned they wanted me to babysit in a really far place and with no comfort of a house. They were already on the way. There was no chance I could say no from then on.
So Saturday came and while dressing up mom’s friend texted me saying there is a chance their niece can cover the Sunday and they’ll let me know tonight for sure.
My husband tagged along since he didn’t want to send me off all the way there on my own. It takes 1.5hr and 4 subways to get there. Overall it was not bad to babysit, I’m good with kids but we spent a lot of funds to food and other needs since we had to be there from 11am to 6pm.
No expenses covered, not even mentioned.
I think I should mention what happened during babysitting. We were there at 11am but the father was only half-busy and not really attending the conference so they didn’t handed me the baby until 1pm or so. 2 hours doing nothing.
Then they gave me the baby, I put her to sleep and my husband is really chatty and he just didn’t stop talking even though the baby was asleep on my lap and I was sitting right next to him. I shushed him and he got offended and out of pettiness, he kept talking to say this is how it’s gonna be when we have children.
Just so you understand why I stayed up late and cried my eyes out because we argued over this at home.
I also waited for them to clear if the niece is gonna show up but they didn’t, so I assumed it’s covered. While I was relieved I won’t have to go tomorrow too, around midnight she texted me asking at what time I’m gonna be there, and I asked I thought her niece was gonna cover the Sunday.
She said no, the niece won’t be coming.
I didn’t want another day in the outside with a baby, spending that much funds just to go there and feed myself and I didn’t want my husband there either to repeat the day and night all over, so I just told her something came up, I won’t be coming.
I feel guilty so I told her if they really can’t take care of the baby, just to give me a call and I’ll be on my way there. I just dodged my mom’s call probably to scold the heck out of me. She thinks I left them in a bad situation and I’m a jerk.
So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here but you barely. You bailed last minute and it wasn’t a believable lie since you offered to go still. You should have told them asap that you weren’t going the next day. You assumed it was covered, but it’s the opposite.
The assumption is you’re the one babysitting unless they say something. They really suck because they didn’t disclose the baby was sick until last minute, They wanted you to go really far and yeah they just suck lol.” NateKaeding
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – verbal contact is key and they failed to do so, that is their problem.
But I need to tell you, your husband is a raging jerk. Please never have children with this man, he’s already shown his lack of respect for you and his comment about “this is how it’ll be when we have kids” is such a petty and disgusting thing to say.
I’d have responded equally as petty with “it’s NEVER gonna be like that, because I don’t want children with YOU”. He’s showing his toxic side, and how little he’s going to help you. And when you’re trying to get the baby to sleep, he won’t care – he’ll be loud because he wants to be.
He’s showing you right now just how little he regards the importance of you and your future child being able to sleep” AuthorMia
Another User Comments:
“YTJ but not entirely. You should’ve communicated that if those were the conditions of babysitting it should have been cleared with you and also possibly voice all the concerns you had at the end of the day.
You could have texted that if they want babysitting for Sunday then you would like to have the baby at home with you (plus having a sick baby at a conference with a bunch of people isn’t great anyways). Explain that this location is very far and you didn’t know you would have to cover gas and food expenses for yourself.
At that point they would probably have to compromise and say that either you can have the kid at home or they’ll cover those expenses and if they refuse to then it would be fine to say Sorry, I can’t continue doing this job under these conditions.” ManyYou918
11. AITJ For Breaking Up With My Partner After He Scammed Me Out Of My Funds?
“I (23F) met my partner(29M) last year in my father’s cancer hospital where he used to work in operations department. He asked me to marry him 3 times in the last 1 year but I refused saying that we are still getting to know each other.
We live in different cities so we only met for a week every 2 months. Even that 1 week he was meeting his friends and was taking me along when I clearly told that I want to spend time with him alone. He told that he was depressed and that his friends were a distraction and that he didn’t want to show me his bad side.
We had arguments about him not giving me proper time but he always blamed it on his depression. When he finally got a job 2 months ago and was not depressed about unemployment anymore he told that he has to give all his time to the hospital so that he doesn’t lose his job.
I gave him funds multiple times for his credit card bills which is around $14000 till now. I invested $8500 in a bond that my partner suggested which I got as my dad’s death claim. I also bought a land he introduced for $30000.I paid him $3600 commission for introducing the land.
The registration for the land is still not done even after I transferred the funds 6 months back. I do have the land papers though. After I transferred him the funds for the bond he sent me a text which had the name and the units of the bond and told me that is the only proof I get.
Finally after 6 months when I was not taking any of his lies he finally told that he checked with the investor and that the investor is missing and his number is invalid. He told me that along with my funds he also invested his, his father’s, and his friend’s money.
He told me that all the money he invested in that bond was also in my name so I will get the returns in my bank account and I can take that as the money that I gave him.
In the last 1 year he was giving funds to his friends when he didn’t have any funds himself.
He still has credit card bills to pay and was asking me to give him money from my dad’s savings but I refused. I asked him to return the money that I gave him and also the investment money because it seemed too convenient that he got scammed suddenly when I asked him for money and that he did not check all this time if the investment has been made.
He told me he would return the money after 2 years but I asked him to return it in a month or that I will have to ask his parents for my money.
He got angry and told me he would not give me the funds and refused to even write a message as a proof stating he would give me my funds after 2 years.
He tells me he was very hurt when I refused to marry him and was offended when I called him a scammer and told me to go away, die and called me names. AITJ for breaking up with him when he refused to give me my money back and lost my dad’s funds?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You’re not his partner, and he’s not your partner. He’s the scammer, and you are the mark. Probably picked on you because you were vulnerable due to your father’s cancer, and for your potential inheritance. There’s no land. There’s no bond.
You need a lawyer, but the funds is probably gone. Sorry.” paceyhitman
Another User Comments:
“You’re 23 years old and you’ve given this 29-year-old man, who you have been casually seeing for a year and see for one week every two months, a total of $56,100 over the course of a year.
When you asked for your funds back, he refused and told you to “go away.” INFO: Why on earth you would think you’re the jerk? You can certainly try to contact his parents to recoup your funds, but I imagine you’ll be dialing a false number.
Try calling a lawyer instead. And, please get some therapy to sort out why you’re actually thinking you’re in the wrong here. NTJ.” Cakedupcherries
Another User Comments:
“Obviously call a lawyer immediately, and file a police report. Also, lock down your credit – not because of him, but because of you.
If this post is real, you obviously cannot be trusted to take care of your own finances. Are you the jerk for breaking up with him? Obviously you know that the answer to that is no. Are you the jerk for not having a clue about how to take care of yourself?
Obviously you know that the answer to that is yes.” SportsFanVic
10. AITJ For Not Wanting to Give Up My Bedroom for Visiting Relatives?
“I am a 20-year-old woman and I live in my mom’s house with my brother and my grandparents. There are no spare bedrooms, only my mom’s room, me and my brother’s room, and my grandparents’ room.
I have really bad insomnia and anxiety, causing me to be somewhat of a high-maintenance sleeper. I can’t really sleep well, if at all, if it isn’t in my own bed. Sometimes, I can’t even sleep in my own bed due to insomnia. This is the main reason why I have such a big issue with the following.
A while ago, my aunt and uncle came to visit. I was told they were bringing an air mattress to sleep in the living room. They go to sleep and wake up pretty early. So they were fine with sleeping in the living room since they wake up earlier than we do, and nobody was going to be waking them up or bothering them in the morning.
Well when they arrived, they told us they “forgot” said air mattress, and my mom quickly offered up my room. Obviously I wasn’t okay with this but I didn’t want to seem difficult, so I agreed. I had to go upstairs and clean and tidy everything since I wasn’t expecting company in my bedroom, and they slept there for a few nights.
I had to sleep on the couch in the living room, and I didn’t sleep hardly at all for a few days. And remember what I said about them waking up early? They would come into the kitchen (which is right next to the living room) and make coffee/breakfast at 7-9am.
Which I understand isn’t an unreasonable time to wake up, but it was irritating because I would finally fall asleep and be awoken a couple of hours later.
After a few nights of this I had a breakdown of just pure exhaustion and stress not being able to sleep.
I tried explaining to my mom how uncomfortable it was for me not having my own room and she told me I was being “rude and inconsiderate,” and that it wasn’t a big deal to sacrifice my room for a few nights.
Anyways, fast forward to now, my brother is turning 18 in a couple of weeks and wants my aunt, uncle, and my cousin to come stay for that weekend.
He didn’t tell me or my mom, and just called them invited them to stay. When I asked about sleeping arrangements, my mom said she assumes they are staying in my bedroom, and that wherever they sleep, I don’t really have a say in the matter.
So I tried talking to my mom again, but was only met again with how “selfish” and “rude” I am for not wanting to give up my bed. I am also going to be working the weekend they are coming, and sometimes I work 10+ hour shifts on the weekends.
The idea of not getting any sleep and having to go to work is giving me the worst anxiety.
I told my mom I would buy an air mattress for them with my own funds if needed because I really need to be able to sleep in my own bed, especially if I have to work.
My mom and the rest of my family think I am being difficult and selfish, which I’m not trying to be.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Not only should your mom not volunteer your room, but holy moly people do not understand how debilitating insomnia can be.
Some of us can’t just lie down and zonk out. Especially in a different ‘bed’. Not getting enough sleep can completely mess up your whole day. It makes it even worse when people call you rude for trying to get a basic human need met.
You are not being selfish at all, it was generous of you to offer to buy an air mattress.” AnnieTheBlue
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. Your mom has a house and when guests come, she gets to decide where they stay. You need sleep to function.
The issue is that you’re a dependent adult and until you become independent, you must adhere to the rules of the house. Your mom’s not wrong- she pays the mortgage. You’re not wrong- you need sleep. Get a hotel room. Get an apartment. But you cannot tell your mom what happens in her home.
You can ask, she can reject. Sidenote- go to the doctor. Work on your sleep hygiene.” ReadyAimLaunch
Another User Comments:
“NTJ why doesn’t your brother give up his bedroom or why doesn’t your mother give up her room since they are her guests. Your Aunt and Uncle are rude and will be forever taking your room now when they come to stay.
If they get your room, I would walk in there and turn the light on to get stuff when they are sleeping! Yep, inconvenience them. I’d also advise the Aunt that you suffer from insomnia so you don’t get any sleep when on the couch.
The only place you can sleep at best is in your own bedroom!” IamMaggieMoo
9. AITJ For Ignoring A Rude Co-Teacher And Keeping Communication To A Minimum?
“I (30M) have been teaching at a school for 2 years now. I am in my 7th year of teaching. I’m good at it, students like me and do well in my class.
The other teacher of my subject, Mr D (53M), has been at the school for 20 years. He is very particular about how he wants things done. Majority of students dislike him because he is extremely rude and has anger issues. Many students have told me they think he has bipolar because he goes from being overly friendly to aggressive at the drop of a hat.
I always shut down these conversations. A student was talking about him and said “he has a specific expectation of what he wants you to do, but doesn’t tell you how to do it, and then gets angry when you haven’t done it the way he wants.” This sums him up perfectly and is relevant to what’s next.
Ever since I met him, Mr D has been extremely rude to me – ranging from passive aggressive comments to outright rudeness, to saying negative things about me to students. I have always brushed this off. My Head of Dept has even told him TWICE that this is unacceptable (I did not ask them to do this, they only told me about it after).
Several months ago Mr D flipped out over something minor, and came to my class while I was teaching and demanded I talk outside. He attacked how I teach, how he thinks I’m not teaching the students properly (by his standards), and how “this isn’t good enough”.
This is incorrect, and I tried to get a word in but he wouldn’t let me.
This went on for a couple minutes as I stood there stunned. I turned around and looked in the room, and about half the class was listening to our conversation.
I told him the conversation was over and went back inside. I literally could not speak I was so angry. I had to leave and go to the bathroom to collect myself. About 10 minutes later he sent me an email apologising. I emailed him back the next day and he apologised several more times.
Since then, I have ignored him beyond the only most essential communication, which I try to keep to email. He has noticed this, as he keeps coming up to me and trying to be nice and speak to me. I don’t give him anything beyond a one-word response and walking away.
The other day we had an assembly, and some students sang infront of the whole school. After he came up to me and said how nice it was, and I said “uh huh” and turned and walked away. Next period, he came to my class to speak to me again, and I said “it’s pretty obvious I’m busy right now, send me an email and if I have time I’ll reply”, turned my back on him and continued speaking to a student.
One of my students saw this and said that they saw me walk away from him during the assembly (I have no idea how they saw this lol). They were laughing as they said it but said that I was being rude to him, which they found very funny because they don’t like him.
I spoke to another teacher and they said that I was being rude and should be nicer to him.
So, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I had to double check your gender because being nice to the jerk is so programmed into women. I’m both sad and happy it’s crossed over into general society.
Sad because it needs to end happy that’s its now general trash, not sexist trash. Back to the point. You are not obligated to make nice with someone because they want it. You’re not rude, you’re professional, if he feels some kind of way about it?
Sounds like a him problem.” Hob-Nob1974
Another User Comments:
“NTJ You were neutral, and you set a reasonable boundary, ESPECIALLY with how he has behaved in the past when coming to your classroom. I would NEVER speak to him face-to-face after that, either. He wants authority over you and that’s unreasonable and inappropriate unless he’s the head of the department.
Assuming he’s a peer with some degree of seniority but no official status over you, polite indifference is pretty much all you owe him. Frankly, even if he’s a dept head of some kind, you aren’t bros. Maybe he’s trying for a real friendship with you now but you don’t owe him that ESPECIALLY with how he typically behaves.
A lot of people are suckered into the idea that politeness means warmth and allowing people to impose on you and in fact it does not.” DeadGodJess
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – forget that guy. But perhaps be honest and tell him what he’s like and point out his flaws to him as well as explaining why he’s upset you, rather than just borderline ignoring him in.
If the confrontation is hard, put it in an email. If he’s not willing to listen or he gets aggravated, take it to whoever is in charge and get it resolved that way. Sounds like the students have your back and I’m sure that would reflect on you.
He probably needs to retire, I never learned anything or retained any knowledge from those insufferable teachers back in school, they never grasped my attention, only taught me which personality traits to avoid.” The-Big-Hairy
8. AITJ For Not Wanting My Mother-in-Law To Move Into Our House?
“I am married to my husband for 15 years now and we have 2 twins boy and girl they are both 17. Our owned house is one we both bought, it is not really spacious, good enough for just the 4 of us.
We have 3 bedrooms 1 for my husband and myself and 2 for each kid. My mother-in-law and I never had the best relationship. We never fought but we are just not close and I had an issue with her involving herself in our affairs, she stopped but it took her years to understand that her interference gets the matters worse.
Also she does not filter herself at all like back then after giving birth my hair started to fall out and she used to comment about it and used to comment about my body changes. Also when my girl started growing up she made comments about how she should start wearing bras and overall nitpicked my girl’s clothes.
To be fair as I said she doesn’t do that anymore but because she used to she made me always on my guard around her because even if she doesn’t judge me verbally anymore she does in her head which is enough to make me and my kids uncomfortable.
As I said we never fought but we aren’t close.
Now my husband wants her to come live with us because he is tired from driving to her house. She lives 80-90 minutes from our home my husband visits her usually but he is tired from the road so he wants to bring her with us.
I disagreed saying that we don’t have a space for her like she needs a room for herself which we don’t. He said that both of our kids can get in one room while she takes the other which is again I disagreed because both my kids are used to having their own space and privacy I can’t take that away from them also plus we saved up so much for a 3 bedroom house to get each of them rooms like what’s the point of shoving them in 1 now?
And as I said I have a boy and a girl they are in their late teenage stages I want each of them to maintain a level of privacy for their personal stuff.
That’s for the space part and not wanting to give up my kids’ privacy.
I reminded my husband how much his mother made me insecure and commented on me on daily basis and that I am not willing to live in that again. He told me she is an elderly now and that she changed I told him regardless she never apologized for anything she has told me and she never admitted her wrongdoings when he (my husband) talked to her about making me uncomfortable and throwing shady comments at me.
He is now accusing me of not trying to help him and that I am “stopping” him from his mother. I told him I never once stopped him from visiting and contacting her but the house is my privacy he shouldn’t overstep that. He started to say “what if that’s your mother” I told him if that was my mother I would’ve figured out a solution myself instead of making it his or anyone’s problem and now he is mad that he still going to drive to her.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – He is wrong. Your house is suited for you and your kids, bunking them up together to shoehorn Mumsey in is wrong. While it is admirable of him to want to take care of her it would be at the expense of your family.
Your family should come first for him, his mother second. If he wanted to help, he could sell her house and set her up in a nearby assisted living place. Where she would be happier anyway. He shouldn’t be demanding your family sacrifice instead.” Mustng1966
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s as much as your house as it is to your husbands, If one of the parties does not agree to somebody living in that space, it shouldn’t be overstepped. Even IF you had an extra bedroom, it’s not wrong nor right to allow a parent to stay with a family once they get older (I know some cultures that is what is the norm to them) If you aren’t comfortable with something, Especially given her track record, she is not entitled to your space just because her son lives there.” Echoededge
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You can’t expect a 17-year-old boy and girl to share the same room! That’s going to start some real family drama right there. Does MIL own a house? She’s obviously paying something for her housing or can sell her home if she owns it.
Either way, she can afford a place of her own since she lives alone now. Tell hubby ‘no way’ and stand firm. I bet if your husband tells the kids they have to move in together cause grandma needs a room, it’s gonna be a real problem anyhow.” InitialProgrammer274
7. AITJ For Wanting To Set A Visitor Limit In Our Home, Especially For My Partner's Mom?
“I (26F) recently moved into a 2 bedroom apartment with my partner (25M) “Austin”. We lived together before but now we have a guest room. I WFH so my home is also my office.
Austin is an only child, raised by his single mom (54F) “Emery”.
He adores his mom to the end of the earth and she can do no wrong in his eyes. She left him living alone for months when he was 16/17 because she moved in with a bf, and I think my partner wants to make up for lost time.
Emery recently visited us for 16 days, arriving 3 days after we moved in. During her trip, I realized that 16 days was way past my comfort zone.
I particularly struggled with this because Emery shows zero interest in getting to know me. This was my 3rd time meeting her.
With it being just the 3 of us for the first time, I realized that she barely acknowledged me. All questions and comments were directed at Austin. Body language, eye contact, etc. She was very closed off toward me. We brought her to a friend’s house for xmas and she acted like a different person.
She was very talkative, bubbly, and charming with all of the friends present, and she had met them all that day.
Being her son’s first partner in 10 years, I thought she would want to get to know me, but all questions about me were asked behind my back.
One of my (gay) male friends FaceTimed me and I overheard her ask Austin who I was on the phone with. I mentioned getting my antidepressants refilled and later she asked Austin “why does she take antidepressants? What trauma does she have?”. One of the first nights, she complained that she wasn’t sitting next to Austin, when I was sitting next to her.
I felt self-conscious about my seat placement in my own home after that. I had a fight with Austin due to Emery having her friends fly in to stay with us and misinform us about the length of their stay. She overheard, so I apologized, and she did not speak a single word to me, in my own home, for four days.
Austin and I discussed the burning question: should there be a maximum duration for guests in our house? This would apply to all guests. I think 5 days is generous, and in our state, a guest legally becomes a tenant after staying for 7 nights in a row.
I do not want to give someone else tenants rights to my home. I said that if Emery wants to stay longer, she can get a hotel for the remaining days, but she cannot afford that and Austin does not want to pay for it.
Austin said the one exception to this proposed rule would be Emery. I explained to him that’s not an exception, it is obliterating the rule because she’s the reason why I proposed it in the first place. He said this is a non-negotiable for him, and there is no maximum for how long his mom can stay with us.
He said those 16 days were the happiest he’s been in 10 years. AITJ for wanting to set a limit on that? It’s OUR home and I feel like we should compromise, but he will not budge. He is usually reasonable and understanding, but has tunnel vision when it comes to his mom.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I’m sorry. – she invited other guests without asking – she ignored you – he’s never been happier – she can stay as long as she wants You are not the main person in his life. It’s time to tell him you’re going to be looking for another place because he has made it clear who he values more.
She will probably end up living with him, and he will be glad to see you go. Good luck.” Less_Ordinary_8516
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Most people have a limit to how long they want house guests. And healthy relationships allow for negotiations that respect the wishes of both parties to get to a compromise.
That isn’t happening here. >He said those 16 days were the happiest he’s been in 10 years. He just told you where you are in the pecking order of his life. Living with his mum makes him happier than living with you. Please listen to him and believe him.
And if you don’t want to be the second to his mum, the sooner you make different choices the better.” RMaua
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your biggest problem is that he just told you being with his mom makes him happier than being with you.
Your second problem is that she hates you. She will be living with you eventually because your partner will want that. One day, she will visit and never leave. Can you live with that? Maybe it’s time to have a discussion about future plans and elderly parents to decide if you are on the same page because it’s better to do it now before you are 10 years deep.” MindingUrBusiness17
6. AITJ For Not Wanting My Dad's Fiancé At My Graduation?
“I (18 Female) am graduating from High School in May of 2024. This is a really exciting time in my life as I will be making a speech at graduation due to a position I hold within the school. I have been waiting for this moment since forever!
However, my parents are no longer together. They divorced when I was about 9 years old, my relationship with both my parents are still very good despite that fact. I currently live with my dad, and his now fiancé, while my mother lives in another state.
When my father’s fiancé moved in with us, it was a bit unexpected and definitely took me off guard. We didn’t get off to the best start but I have learned to tolerate her throughout the years because I know my dad is happy with her (although I do believe that she thinks our relationship is great, based off the fact that I haven’t spoken to her about my dislike for her).
My father also doesn’t want to tell her I don’t like her because he doesn’t want to hurt her feelings.
I dislike her for many reasons, she was the other woman within my parents’ marriage and has recently just had his kid last month, my younger brother.
She has had countless rude interactions with my mother (she has went out of her way to reach out to my mother and be rude). In the past she has berated me for being a certain way around my father, and has had moments where she screamed at me through my bedroom door, which we had to call the police on her.
I have tried to put all she has done behind me, to be the bigger person and to genuinely just move on, as I don’t want to let her get me down anymore. Lately our relationship has been ok, we say hello to each other, talk about our days, buy each other gifts for holidays and birthdays etc. Within the last 2 years she has not given me a reason to continue to dislike her for the most part.
I have explained to my father all the reasons why I don’t like her, but he continues to tell me that their relationship and the reason my parents separated in none of my business. He also tells me that the divorce happened so long ago that I should be over it by now.
Which is true to an extent, but that was also my life that was changed when they decided to break up.
Anyways, I now have my graduation coming up, getting enough tickets for everyone I want to bring won’t be the problem. The problem is explaining to my dad why I am choosing to not give his fiancé a ticket.
My mother will be coming, but will not be bringing her partner to the event out of respect for me, I only want people there that I truly love. She is more than welcome to attend my graduation party, which will be the following weekend, but I just don’t want her to be at the actual graduation.
I am having an internal conflict with myself. I want to give her a ticket, out of respect for my father for everything he has sacrificed for me, I also don’t want to fight with him, but I really, truly don’t want her there. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s your day. Add to that Mom is not bringing her SO, so dad’s fiancé doesn’t have too much traction for an argument. Divorced families are hard. Do what works for you. If they don’t like it, ignore them. You are on your way out anyway.
Make it on your terms!” Beautiful_Heron3655
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I think you’ve been as respectful as you can be when interacting with your father’s finance. your mother’s partner is also not coming to the graduation so it’s fair. It’s your graduation you decide who comes” Icy-Guava-4635
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, you don’t have to invite her when you don’t want to. It sounds like you’re a little conflict-avoidant, but to be conflict-avoidant could also mean you not being happy. Your dad barely sacrificed when he was unfaithful. He clearly doesn’t care that he not only ruined a family but also messed with his child’s life.
If you don’t want her there, don’t give her a ticket. This is your moment, not his. Who you choose to invite is your decision alone and it might help in actually setting some boundaries because it sounds like you need them.” Top-Passion-1508
5. AITJ For Wanting To Move Out And Leave My Ungrateful Mom And Sister Behind?
“I know this is long but please bear with me, I really need some perspective here.
I (27F) used to live with my husband (26M) since we got married 4 years ago. My mom (54F) was seeing a person at that time and she and my sister (15F) lived with them.
A year ago my mom told me she was having problems with her partner and she wanted to break up, that meaning moving out, but she had nowhere to go so me and my husband offer my house for her to stay.
For some context, she doesn’t work and hasn’t work for almost 10 years, we used to live with my grandma and live of her funds, then she unfortunately passed away and I had to quit university in order to work cause she wasn’t even looking for a job.
Once I move out she started the relationship with her ex and then she moved with us, all of this without working. Also my sister is studying in a private school so they need to pay an amount each month.
Once she moved in with us, she started working on catalog sales, she basically watches a lot of podcasts, meetings, etc about sales, wellness, empowerment but she barely sells products.
Sometime around 2023 I saw her struggling with my sister’s payments so I offer paying her each 15 days for helping me out with the chores at home.
The thing is, she has started to treat me bad, she wants me to do the chores (saying she needs help and that I don’t do anything in the house) but demands her payment anyways.
She hasn’t been doing anything to sell lately, basically starts off the day, by cooking breakfast for herself, takes my sister to school, sometimes helps me with dinner and the rest of the day she’s watching series, podcasts or whatever I mentioned before.
Among all of this, she is being rude to me, she has been making comments about my appearance, about me not doing anything at home, about how I educate my dogs, about how I buy things for myself and not for them, etc.
The last straw for me was today, I am very sick of my stomach and I’m feeling extremely weak.
My husband is working and my mom and sister were to go out today. My mom canceled saying she wanted to take care of me lol. Long story short. I cooked for myself, took care of my dogs, cleaned the house and just asked her to help me with the dishes.
She said I don’t do anything around the house (even though I do almost all chores, work an 8 hours shift and take care of my 3 dogs) and that I need to grow up and know that when she’s not around I need to do things by myself.
I got so mad and told her I think I need to be barely dead so she can have some consideration and help me out on the house. I have locked myself and my dogs in my bedroom and texted my husband, he’s urging me to move out and even though I agree I’m thinking about my sister and the fact that if we move they will have no funds, not even for rent.
So WIBTJ if I move out and leave them to be?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ if you want to take your sister with you, do, but your mother is a grown woman who’s made a habit of making other people support her. It’s not good for you or anybody else.
Get out.” corgihuntress
Another User Comments:
“YWNBTJ, your mother is incredibly entitled, taking advantage of everyone around her to avoid responsibility —first your grandmother, then her ex, and now you. Everyone enabled this parasitic behavior, and that needs to change. If you let her stay, you’ll be supporting her for the rest of her life.
You owe her nothing; you were generous in taking her in and offering income, and she was ungrateful and rude. It’s time to give her an ultimatum to leave your house. You could rent her a room for about 15 days and then let her fend for herself.
As for your sister, I don’t know your relationship with her, but she doesn’t deserve to be a victim of your mother’s laziness. Does she live with her father? Could you take her in?” Hour-Wind-2410
4. AITJ For Giving Away The Thoughtless Gift I Received From My Roommate?
“To start with, I’m roommates with 3 other girls of my age.
We wanted to do a little fun activity and decided to do a gift exchange. Basically, we would get random names and we would have to buy a gift for them.
We had 3 whole days to plan out what we wanted to buy and go buy them.
There’s Ann, Kyra, Sam. I got Kyra’s name. Kyra got Ann’s name. Ann got Sam’s name. And Sam got my name.
We’re all quite close with each other so we didn’t really expect much from the gifts and would be happy by whatever we got.
For my gift to Kyra, I decided to get her a bunch of her favourite snacks and a hair clip. I heard her mention once that hers broke and she needed a new one.
The first to give their gift was Sam. I didn’t know that she got my name when suddenly, she approached me and handed me a plastic bag with some street food in it.
I thought she was offering it to me, since she also had one. However, I was surprised when she said that she got my name and that was her gift.
I didn’t want to start an argument so I thanked her. She had gotten me some food that I don’t even like and had never expressed any sort of like towards to.
I thought I was overreacting because I didn’t like her gift. I only stated that it wasn’t something that I would eat, but I could try. I saw that her face dropped, so I didn’t say anything me. During this time, Kyra wasn’t with us.
Later that night, I mentioned about the gift to Kyra and she was shocked. Since I had bought a new bottle, she assumed that must’ve been the gift. However, it wasn’t. She said that it was outrageous for her to just buy that for me with no effort whatsoever.
She didn’t even think to buy me something I could use daily, or snacks, etc. It was so obvious that her gift was last minute.
Once we were all in the room, I took the gift Sam gave to me and gave it to the other two because they actually liked it.
I did this in front of Sam. I noticed her face frowning, but she didn’t say anything. Kyra wanted to say something to Sam but I stopped her because I didn’t want any conflict. However, she did make some sassy remarks to her.
Also just for some info, Sam has been very whiny about her gift. Since Ann got her name, Ann had bought something from online.
I still don’t know what it is, but I’m sure it’s expensive. Sam keeps bothering Ann on when her gift is gonna arrive.
Side note: Sam is from a rich family. Not that rich, but definitely rich enough to spend on at least a cheap item and something to put it in for less than 5$.
No, definitely rich enough to get me something one would consider luxurious, but I never expected that. I didn’t want any of that. I just wanted a gift that she actually thought of what I liked and how I was before she got it.
It really hurts me how obvious it is that she never pays any attention to other people’s likes.
This is a small problem, but I really need some advice and validation for feeling this way.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She got you takeout you don’t like, what the heck. She put zero thought into the gift, OP does not need to tiptoe around that fact.
She gave the food to people who would eat it so it doesn’t go to waste, and maybe next time the friend would put an ounce of effort into a gift exchange. If she forgot she could have just lied and said the gift was still on the way.
Buying someone random street food as part of a gift exchange is such a bizarre thing to do.” DJ_Mixalot
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. I think you probably could’ve done this a little more tactfully – like shared the food with everyone, for example. As opposed to straight up regifting.
Also a touch of ESH, as this sounds like the worst roommate bonding experience imaginable. Any “fun little activity” that results in everyone resenting one another should probably be avoided.” zeckzeckpew
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, not sure what anyone would have expected you to do.
It was food, street food. You said thank you, tried it, you didn’t care for it. What exactly were you supposed to do with it? Let it mold in the fridge until people forgot that it was a gift? Throw it away? Would waiting until later really have made that much of a difference considering all of you are roommates, short of choking it down, she would have taken it as not appreciated and wasted. And you aren’t the jerk for feeling hurt at the lack of consideration either.” BeautifulKnots
3. AITJ For Not Wanting My Daughter To Use My Deceased Brother's Name For Her Child?
“My (53m) daughter (31f) recently announced her second pregnancy to the whole family who was delighted as she has been struggling since her first one.
My brother died at 27, I was 21. My mom was always a very career-oriented person, we own a family business which he was supposed to take over.
We never talked about him, ever. One month after his accident she had already erased his name from all the official papers, got his belongings sold or given, and took me as her successor in his place. I was angry at her for showing no empathy, at my dad for saying nothing and letting his son’s memory be scratched over like it was nothing, but still I said nothing.
I got married to Jenna (55f), a good friend. She was there for me through tough times, when my brother’s absence was unbearable. We had three beautiful daughters before we got divorced amicably. We’re still friends to this day. I got remarried to Sam (50f) under my mother’s advice.
We had kids and she took over my mom’s business as she was more fit than I in those matters.
Everyone knows of my brother even though I never talk about it because I just can’t. I know I am at fault for not wanting to stop grieving, but I do not know how to deal with this loss either way.
Helen is now fixed on giving her son my brother’s name, not because she wants to honor him as she never knew him but because it’s “pretty and unique”.
Jenna told her it was not a good idea and that there were plenty of pretty names she could use.
But she is making it personal even though she knows how painful it is for me. Sam is totally on her side as she finds me irrational and stupid, she treats me like a madman and tells me I have no say in how Helen deals with her kids.
I do get her point, but I find their behavior cruel and the reason is straight-up stupid. I could have understood if Helen was not so impersonal like this name meant nothing. Just “pretty and unique”.
Am I crazy for refusing to let her use a name that means so much to me, that brings so many painful memories to mind for a reason as superficial as that?
I asked her and she brushed it off saying after so long it doesn‘t make sense to still associate his name with painful memories, instead of creating new ones with her child. I don’t understand how giving his name to someone else will erase the pain of losing him.
People grieve differently and I was never one to talk about it. But just that one time I would like for them to let me be. Helen said I was being self-centered as everyone found the name pretty and I was just trying to make it about me.
She and Sam are not believing my pain to be genuine.
They are now siding together and have been talking to my other kids who are taking turns to make me change my mind, I feel cornered and except for Jenna, nobody is actually trying to see things from where I stand.
I have been resenting my mom for this my whole life and now my own family is being dismissive about my brother’s death. Am I the jerk ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for not wanting your daughter to name her child your brother’s name.
Generally I agree with the “no one owns a name” doctrine, but this is different. Your daughter, current wife, and other family members are jerks for not being sensitive to your wishes and feelings about this. But sadly, you’re going to have to let this go.
You are not one of the two people with veto power. Sorry for your loss.” Austen-aficionado
Another User Comments:
“Gently YTJ. I do not know how to deal with this loss either way You’ve had thirty years. And you’re not just grieving, either! You’ve got a ton of resentment for your parents.
And now you’re letting all those bad feelings poison your relationships with your children. You owe it to yourself to work through them, once and for all.” StAlvis
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I lost a brother when I was a baby. I didn’t even know him.
But I feel the loss. I’ve always felt it. Your daughter is cruel and selfish. The idea that his name is just “a pretty name” is ridiculous and shallow. I’m sorry Sam has no empathy for your situation. Anyone with a speck of feelings should know you are NTJ.
I am so sorry for your loss.” ReaderRabbit23
2. AITJ For Wanting To Stop Handling My Cohabitant's Insurance?
“We are not a couple.
We live together and have a kid. We cohabitate for financial reasons. We are in the US so health insurance is something you have to buy. We have been on government insurance for years. Every year you have to reapply and give them proof of income.
There is a time limit for when you can reapply.
Since we live in the same house we all apply together but one adult could be approved and the other not based on income since we are not married. Our child’s insurance would be attached to mine since I am the primary parent that handles most things child-related.
I checked online today to see the status of our renewal and saw we needed to provide our 8 weeks of previous check stubs. I got mine easily online and uploaded them. In my mind getting access to check stubs is simple and I’ve had to do it a ton of times in applying for apartments or to show proof of income for various things.
It’s a common ask.
After I finished my documents I called child’s dad and asked if he could send me his pay stubs. He straight up said “No.” I waited a moment for further explanation but when he said nothing else I said. “No? You can’t get your pay stubs?
Its for proof of income for insurance but I guess if you can’t you can’t.” He then said ” I can’t do that I don’t have access.” I then said he should ask his dad about it since that’s who he works for. His dad owns a legit business and he gets regular paychecks.
He then says he’ll try and message his step mom and see if she can figure out how to get them. He sounded irritated that I’d even ask for this info and wasn’t at all appreciative that I was taking this on (insurance business is the worst to deal with).
I didn’t have to help him out. I was just trying to be kind. Now I feel like why did I even bother trying?
I texted him after we got off the phone and let him know I’d seen that his dad can also write a letter proving/confirming what he makes and his hours and that if he’d prefer he can go on the site himself and submit the information.
I sent him the site link and even told him where to click to get to where he needs to submit the information. I reiterated that I am just trying to help. He just replied “I’ll send it to you whenever they get it to me.” Again no thanks or I appreciate it or even I’ll handle it myself.
It just feels so entitled to me.
I want to now text him back and say “Never mind! You handle your own stuff and I’ll handle mine!” But I am afraid that when I get home he’ll treat me poorly or act like I’m selfish or needy or childish because I expect common courtesy.
I’m scared that he’ll talk down to me even though he always says he doesn’t and its actually me who treats him poorly. I don’t want to be afraid to speak up but I am. So AITJ if I say Forget it and don’t fill out his insurance?”
Another User Comments:
“Okay, everything in your last paragraph screams to me that he’s not a nice guy and that you do not have a good relationship. He’s got you trying to accommodate his moods and habits and feelings by way of manipulating and abusing you.
Stop letting him. You are not selfish or needy or childish. You are a grown woman and a mother and you deserve courtesy. Why not tell him to handle his own stuff? You need boundaries and you probably need to walk away from this jerk.
NTJ” corgihuntress
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. But why do you take this on? It’s work, he doesn’t appreciate it and he doesn’t make it easy. Let him know that in future you won’t be helping on this, if he wants to be part of the insurance, he should make a note to get you this information next year by (DATE).
As for this year, let him know you’re sending it on (date) with or without his information. If you don’t have his information, you’ll remove him from the application and submit without him. No reminders no nothing–give him the information, in writing if possible and bow out.
Forever. He’s a big boy and this is adulting 101. And in the future, don’t be doing extra for people that they didn’t ask for and then get mad because they are not grateful. That’s always going to lead to frustration.” Ok_Strawberry_197
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but raising a child in a home where this type of behavior is happening teaches them that these types of relationships are normal and to accept it from their partners in the future. If you would tell your kids to get out of this station, then you need to leave the situation and teach them by example.” guntonom
1. AITJ For Constantly Hinting That My Brother Should Move Out Of Our Parents' House?
“A few years ago my brother, Joe, was forced to move back into my parents’ house, prior to that he lived with some roommates but that fell through, he then lived with his significant other whom they ended up breaking up, which brings us to the current situation.
When my brother moved into my parents he stated it would only be for a few months as he didn’t want to get comfortable. After those few months he started stating “well, the market sucks right now so I will wait until it gets better…blah blah”.
My brother runs a department at a major company with offices in multiple countries, so he’s not hurting for funds. My parents have also expressed to me that they want Joe out of the house. The issue is neither of my parents like conflict, so they will never tell him due to fear of starting a conflict.
Joe also spends his funds on a lot of recreational activities which involve flying to other states/countries for events. I also didn’t mention, Joe is in his late 30s.
While it’s not my house, and really not my place to tell him to move out, I have been dropping hints ranging from subtle to not so much to get it through his head.
In group chats I might drop info about a song I listened to, movie I watched, etc. and they always reference leaving home in some way. Sometimes I see posts on social media from friends, who are realtors, posting about a house and I’ll share that in our group chats.
The last bit of not-so-subtle hint was at a family gathering. My parents had a get-together, Joe left the house, picked up his new significant other (we’ll call her Amber), and brought her back to my parents. Through the course of the night, while drinks are being had, my wife starts a conversation with Amber.
At one point Amber states “Joe said he’ll pick me up on the way to his parents’ house”, making it clear she has no idea he lives with my parents. I interject and say “excuse me, you mean he’ll pick you up and come back to his place.” You can see the confusion in her eyes, but after taking a second she realized what I meant.
She asked Joe to take her home as she was ready to leave. For the next 30 minutes it was very calm in the house, my parents were concerned but I could see relief in their eyes. Joe gets back home and goes ballistic on me.
Joe brings up how I constantly try to drop hints about moving out and it’s not my place to say what he does with his life. Because I’m a bit tipsy after he rants some I just say “I think you need to go to your room”.
After some more arguing the night was over.
I do feel bad about essentially ruining the remaining part of my parents get together, even though my other siblings told me they were glad I said something. Joe started to respond back in group chats after a few weeks, but acts like nothing happened. Joe still lives at home but I am not aware if he is actively looking for new lodgings.
So, AITJ for bringing up my brother’s living situation constantly (to the point of even making his life unpleasant)?”
Another User Comments:
“His new significant other would have found out eventually. I think what you have done/are doing is nicely passive-passive-aggressive. Your parents are the ones who don’t have the gumption to kick him out though.
I suspect that he won’t be the one who will be taking care of them once they need assisted care.” Head-Meaning2741
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, you told his significant other the truth, maybe it was bad timing but she deserved to know. This sounds like a really tricky situation.
You want to look out for your parents and you can see your brother taking advantage of their hospitality, but I doubt anything will change unless they’re willing to speak up a little.” Two-Branch
Another User Comments:
“YTJ – ‘While it’s not my house, and really not my place to tell him to move out’.
This, it is not your house or your business. When your parents want him to leave, they are perfectly capable of doing it themselves, if even hesitant, they don’t need you nosing into their business. They want to avoid drama but here you are amping up the drama.
Just stay out of it.” Mustng1966
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