People Want To Know If We Concur With Them In Their "Am I The Jerk" Stories

Most of us try very hard not to come across as jerks. In both our personal and professional relationships, we want to be seen as a sympathetic, understanding, and polite person. But to achieve this, we may have to seek counsel or input from others to ensure that our words and deeds are compatible with our desire to be decent people. By sharing their experiences with us, the folks below ask for our opinions and advice. If you disagree that they should be labeled jerks, let us know in the comments after reading their stories. AITJ = Am I the jerk? NTJ = Not the jerk WIBTJ = Would I be the jerk? YTJ = You're the jerk

35. AITJ For Telling My Husband To Stop Pushing My Daughter To Come Home For Her Stepsiblings?

“My husband and I have been married for 7 years now. My daughter is 18. My stepchildren, who I call my children and who call me their mom, are 9 and 11 currently.

My stepchildren’s biological mother left my husband and the kids at the hospital when she had the youngest. My first husband/daughter’s father died when my daughter was 6 years old.

My daughter doesn’t love my husband or my stepchildren. That isn’t to say she’s been rude to them, but she is on the side of being distant and does have a closeness to me that has never extended to them.

She’s not rude. She doesn’t go around saying it but it’s there. This is something my husband was aware of, we discussed certain things, and I did put down boundaries that my daughter was not to be shamed if she never dropped the step and if she was closer to me overall.

He told me that was fine as long as she was never a bully to or intentionally harmful to my stepchildren, which I also understood.

My daughter had grief therapy throughout her childhood after her dad’s passing. Sometimes she included me, other times not. We also did some family therapy before our wedding, and after our wedding just so we could be open, communicate, and see if there were any problems. Plus it seemed like a good way for my daughter to hopefully feel safe to speak up if there were any concerns.

She was honest about her feelings toward my husband and my stepchildren but never said it in a way that stated she didn’t want us to be married, just that for her it wasn’t the same as it would be with her dad.

So what’s been going on is this: My stepchildren have really missed my daughter (using stepchildren for clarity only in the post, but in real life, I call them my children).

They were used to having her around. So my husband called and asked her to come for their first day of school and be there as their big sister. My daughter didn’t want to do that and told him as much. My husband told her that they were starting to feel the lack of love she has for them and that it’s her job to make sure they don’t feel that way.

She asked him how she was meant to do that and he told her to love them and make them her real siblings and be there like she would if her dad and I had more kids together.

When she continued to say no I heard from both of them.

I told my husband that he couldn’t just call and pressure my daughter to feel a certain way and he couldn’t demand she come home because he says so. I did suggest we maybe look at therapy for my stepchildren and keep them focused on their friendships so they don’t dwell on my daughter not being here.

He told me I was letting her get away with mistreating his kids. That he accepted it for years. But that she’s an adult and she should love them, she should put the effort in and I should be ashamed of her for not giving two little kids who have known her their whole lives all the love and support a big sister should.

AITJ?”

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MadameZ 5 months ago
Absolutely NTJ and your husband needs to be told to wind his neck in. Your daughter does not owe his children sibling love. As long as she is kind and courteous to them, in the way she would be to eg young cousins she rarely sees, that's enough. She didn't choose to have them in her life. She is also at an age where she is finding her own way in the world: a parent who insists an 18 year old comes home to babysit their *actual* young siblings all the time is a jerk, too.
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34. WIBTJ If I Ignore My Nosy Neighbor?

“I (22 f) moved into a new apartment a year ago. I have a history of bad neighbors so I was quite happy when I met my recent neighbor (63 m).

My apartment is on the first floor (2nd for my Americans) and my neighbor lives below me.

When we first met he welcomed me and explained that the neighbors in this street helped each other out whenever they could. He seemed quite nice.

One day he asked me to do the sidewalk with him (pick out the grass from in between the stones, sweep it, etc.) and I said yes.

While we went to work we talked for a bit. Suddenly he asked me ‘So your partner is from X Town? That seems like a long drive to here’. I stood still and asked him how he knew that I had a partner and where he lived. ‘Well, I saw a car in the street that I didn’t recognize so I thought that must’ve been your partner’s’.

(In my country you can read from the numberplate of the cars from which city and which state the owner is from). I thought to myself oh well, that seems reasonable and we went on with our work.

Some days later my doorbell rang and I opened the door and my neighbor was standing there.

He was asking me if something in my apartment was burning. I was confused and said no. He said that he smelled something burning and wanted to know if it was me. That was only one example when he rang my doorbell and asked weird questions.

I thought maybe he just wanted to make sure I was okay. But after some time he began to annoy me with his behaviour. When I would talk to other neighbors he would hear it through his windows, come outside, and talk with us.

When I would work on my car he would come outside and talk to me.

Then I came to the conclusion that he always wants to know what everyone is doing. He isn’t lonely. He has a wife and multiple grandchildren who visit him very often. (I always hear them because they are soooo loud)

Now I am extra quiet when I leave my apartment so that he doesn’t realize I am outside.

I can avoid him by doing that. But I can’t avoid him when he rings my doorbell and asks me if I recently cleaned my dryer because there is more dust in the basement than usual.

So my question is: WIBTJ if I would stop opening my door when I know that it is my neighbor that wants to talk to me?”

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rbleah 5 months ago
Just tell him he needs to STOP. HE IS BEING CREEPY. Maybe have a chat with his wife and tell her what he is doing.
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33. AITJ For Not Having My One Best Friend Join Our Next Group Vacation?

“For the past three years, I’ve (31 F) have had this little tradition of treating my four best friends on a little weekend getaway just to show my appreciation for them.

The problem friend is ‘Lauren’. Lauren and I have been best friends since college and have stayed close despite past issues.

I think she is a flawed person, but I knew that a lot of it came from self-esteem issues and growing up low-income so I tended to forgive her easily. In college, she struggled a lot with the idea that I was ‘better’ than her and took out her insecurities on me.

We no longer live in the same state, so I see her a lot less.

Lauren couldn’t come the first year, but she was very excited for last year’s. I flew her out to Hawaii. Things were going well at first, but then she became much more snappy and angry with me, for presumably no reason.

Throughout the weekend, she made multiple snide remarks about how much I was spending on the trip and how it showed how privileged I was. She told me that I’m the 1% and then followed it up with ‘Screw the rich, am I right?’ She refused to come to eat with us at this nice restaurant because she couldn’t afford it, but I had told her multiple times before that I was covering the whole thing.

Lauren still refused and tried to sway the other girls into coming to a burger joint with her. We all refused and she started crying and stormed back to the hotel. It made the rest of the dinner/night very awkward for the rest of us.

Lauren ended up apologizing the next morning to all of us, but it was very half-meant. Then she ‘felt sick’ the next day and stayed back to call her partner for the entire day. I’m not going to lie, she ruined a large part of the trip.

Although I was upset after the trip, I reached out to her in a long text and apologized for anything I did to hurt or offend her. She left me on read for four days before responding that she was ‘sorry that she was emotional.’ That was it.

We still stayed in touch semi-regularly, but haven’t seen each other since.

So for this year’s getaway, I chose not to invite her due to her 1) causing drama last time 2) being ungrateful 3) causing the rest of us stress. Lauren heard from one of our mutual friends that she was left out and completely flipped out on me over text, saying I betrayed her, that I was a horrible friend for excluding her, and how hurt she was.

I apologized to her but stated my reasons above and I thought that she would understand, but nope. We called and she claimed that I was gentrifying my social circle, that I had shown my true colors, and so on, and that she always knew I valued wealth over friendship.

None of that is true and I was deeply hurt by her words. I told her my decision was final and that was that. Except she had her partner reach out to MY husband to trash talk me for being a horrible person.

Even though I think, rationally, I am right, I can’t help but feel upset and guilty about this whole thing.

AITJ?”

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rbleah 5 months ago
DO NOT LET YOURSELF GET GRIPPED BY GUILT. That girl has issues and you know it. This is no longer a friendship, and you know it. She can't get her jealousy under control and she IS JEALOUS OF YOU. Time to let her go/cut her out of your life. She will make all of you miserable because she feels she can't keep up moneywise.
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32. AITJ For Not Wanting To Tell A Coworker How Much My Husband Makes?

“My husband and I (both 33) have been together since college. Over the years, he’s had quite the career trajectory. He’s a quant PM and makes like 10x what I make (and I make a good salary haha!). As we’ve grown wealthier, I’ve learned that people become nosier.

Friends, acquaintances, relatives, you name it. In the beginning, I would entertain the nosy questions, but since I turned 30, I’ve adopted a ‘take no crap’ attitude. When people ask me how much he makes, I no longer say anything. I’ve learned the hard way that giving an exact number can have bad consequences.

My co-worker (25) is new and she already has quite a reputation. Very chatty, catty, gossipy, you get the gist. You can just tell she craves wealth and status. She wears a bunch of flashy designer items and is always asking the ladies around the office which of the men are single.

Last Friday, our office hosted an afternoon happy hour. She approached me and asked how my husband and I’s recent vacation to Europe went. I told her it went well and briefly summarized what we did. Then the conversation went something like this:

Her: So what does your husband do?

Me: He works in finance.

Her: Oh wow, he must make a ton then to be taking you on all these lavish vacations! I hope you don’t mind me asking, but how much does he make in a year?

Me: Yes, we’re very lucky that he makes a good salary.

(Polite smile)

Her: Oh c’monnn I won’t tell anyone. How much does he rake in a year? Millions?

Me: (Awkward chuckle) I’d rather not say, but it’s up there!”=

Her: What, he doesn’t allow you to give an exact number or something?

Me: (Visibly annoyed) No, I just prefer not to say.

Her: (Laughs in my face) You’d think the stuck-up one would be the one with money, not the one without!

Me: You should learn how to take ‘no’ for an answer and when to quit being a nosy jerk. It’s a valuable lesson.

Then I smiled at her and walked away.

Later on, I had a few co-workers reach out to me and say that she was crying and left early and that I should apologize for calling her a rude name. I refused. I told my mom and she said I was too rude to the new girl and that she’s young and might not fully understand ‘salary talk’.

I think she’s old enough. My husband is fully on my side but said maybe I should fake apologize for the sake of office politics, which I somewhat agree with. But still, AITJ?”

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rbleah 5 months ago
NO, IT IS NONE OF HER jerk BUSINESS. She is just jealous and WANTS WHAT YOU HAVE. Tell those that say you were rude that they must tell you how much money they make and how much they have saved and how much they still owe no their house. When THEY BALK ask them why SHE has the right to demand those answers BUT YOU DON'T? Same thing folks. NOBODIES BUSINESS HOW MUCH YOU/HUBS MAKE.
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31. AITJ For Being Mad At My Sister For Redecorating My Room?

“For the past two weeks, I’ve been at my dad’s. My older sister is, like, super into decorating.

She went to college for home design and has slowly been redoing our house for our mom. She’s paying for it all so everyone has been super grateful.

When I came back from my dads she told me she had a surprise for me. I was pretty nervous – I HATE surprises.

Like, more than your average person.

She took me upstairs and my room was redecorated. I had a little bit of a screaming breakdown. I hate it so much.

I have collections and everything was organized, she’s moved it all. She even got rid of some of my stuff.

I had a really firm mattress and she’s replaced it with a memory foam one. I used to have carpets and dark walls and now I have wood floors and everything is like a really vibrant blue.

I mean, it’s probably a nice room if you’re not me.

I just freaking hate it. My bed is uncomfortable, my floor is cold, my walls hurt my eyes and none of my things are where they’re supposed to be.

My mom kinda ushered everyone out when I was freaking out and came back in when I was calmer.

She told me my behavior was unacceptable and that I needed to apologize.

I did and then slept on the couch that night. The morning after my sister tried to act like nothing had happened but I was still really annoyed. She then said, ‘Aren’t you going to say thank you?’

I told her ‘No, I hate it and I hate you for changing it.’

It was extreme but I can’t explain how awful the room made me feel. My mom was annoyed and yelled a bit so I ended up calling my dad who is now angry.

He and my mom hate each other so now everyone is just angry and I don’t really know what was my fault and what wasn’t.

I’ve been slowly moving my collections to his house and now he’s coming so I can move the remaining ones fully.

Anyway, the house has been tense since. I haven’t apologised to my sister and she’s really hurt. I feel a little bad, but not really.

Am I the jerk? I feel like I was a little justified but she was just trying to be nice.”

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rbleah 5 months ago
NEVER REDO SOMEONE ELSE
s SPACE UNLESS YOU ARE ASKED TO DO SO. Sis SCREWED UP and she and your mom refuse to admit what they did was not right. Tell them good job on pushing you out and away from them. And tell sis she better replace what she tossed as they were not her things to toss.
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30. AITJ For Arranging A Birthday Party For My Husband?

“I (38 F) have been married for 6 years to my husband (40 M). He’s a great spouse and very sweet and generous. We have a three-year-old and one on the way in November. He recently turned 40 and when I asked what he wanted to do, he said it was up to me.

I told him since it was his 40th, I wanted to throw him a party, and he said it was fine. So, I enlisted the help of his sister and mom and we planned a dinner party at a local restaurant.

When we got there, he was very quiet and didn’t talk much.

He kept to himself and only really interacted with his best friend. We brought out his cake at the end of the night, and he reluctantly blew out the candles and then asked me if we could go home. I told him we could go, but we needed to say goodbye and thank everyone.

He then got annoyed and told me he would get an Uber home, which he did. I was left to thank everyone and say goodbye on his behalf.

When I got home, I was agitated and asked why he left… he said he NEVER wanted a party, he wanted a new drone and dinner at his favorite restaurant, Outback.

I told him he should have specified this, and let him know that we could easily purchase him a drone and I would take him out the next day to the Outback. He said his best friends felt forced to celebrate him and give him money (I paid for the dinner and said no gifts) and that’s not what he wanted.

He said I wanted the party and wanted to show off to our friends. I got annoyed and told him to grow up and say what he meant, I couldn’t read his mind. He said after 6 years of marriage I should know him.

AITJ?”

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MadameZ 5 months ago
NTJ. You asked him what he wanted, first he said you could choose what to do, then he said he was OK with your choices.
Does he have a history of setting you up to fail, or a history of being odd about birthdays?
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29. AITJ For What I Said To My Sister During A Sensitive Moment ?

“So my (30 M) wife (28 F) has never gotten along with my sister (31 F).

My wife tends to rush into relationships and force herself into things. It was a problem in our relationship when we first started going out, but I talked to her about it and all was fine.

When she met my family she started to rush into things once again.

It made my family pretty uncomfortable, and it strained their relationship a bit. She was especially like this towards my sister, and my sister gets annoyed easily so she blew up at my wife.

My wife did apologize, and I talked to her. Since then she really only talks to my family around me, she’s gotten closer to my parents but not anyone else.

My sister is the type to hold grudges over the stupidest and the smallest of things, and she’s a petty person overall. She does not like my wife, she even pulled me aside when we announced our marriage because she didn’t think I should go through with it with ‘someone like her’.

My wife has had 3 miscarriages, and we’re not going to try for more kids. It hit my wife hard, and my family knows about this. My sister then decided to ‘surprise’ the family about her pregnancy. I know my sister did this to upset my wife because my sister herself thinks it’s a horrible thing to announce pregnancy around someone who miscarried or is infertile.

When my wife started crying, my sister got angry and asked me how she was going to act when I wanted to babysit or when she brought her kid around for family events. I told her I wouldn’t be babysitting it and went in low contact with her.

Two weeks ago my sister miscarried. She called me crying a couple of days ago. Upset I didn’t call her sooner. I told her I didn’t care about her miscarriage, and that it must be tough, and asked how she was going to act if one of our cousins brought their kid around.

She hung up on me.

Our parents think it is a jerk move, but understand why I did it. My BIL thinks I shouldn’t have stooped to her level, and my extended family is mad at me. I’m usually never like that, so AITJ?”

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rbleah 5 months ago
Sis played a stupid game and REAPED THE STUPID REWARD. Sad she lost a pregnancy BUT she should have kept her mouth shut about YOUR WIFE then. What was she expecting? For you to side with her over your wife? She pushed too many of your buttons and found out just how far she could push you.
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28. AITJ For Refusing To Switch Plane Seats With A Kid?

“This was my second 8-hour flight on my way home from Africa via Dubai. I had booked an aisle seat so I could get up without bothering others and a special meal due to health requirements. I boarded the plane, found my seat, and settled in.

A family gets on with 3 kids (they don’t speak much English) and asks if I could switch seats with one of their kids so they can be together. The father of the family wasn’t sitting anywhere near the mother and kids, so it looked to me like they had left their seats for random assignment.

I initially said yes, thinking it was just a move across the aisle, but then realized they wanted me to switch to sit in a middle seat and I said no.

Another passenger then got up and said he had a seat in the back that I could move to (no idea how) and I said no. I said that I had booked my seat and ordered a dietary meal, and there was no way I was moving to a middle seat.

He then starts loudly criticizing me and saying he hopes I understand that I’m splitting a family up. This eventually attracts attention from the crew because it’s holding up boarding.

They got a passenger on the other end of the row to switch and sit somewhere else so their kids could sit together.

The other passenger from before then starts loudly saying to his kids and the family ‘Do you understand what happened? She thought her seat was too special so she wouldn’t let you sit together.’ I told the guy to mind his own business and he responded that he wasn’t talking to me.

I was exhausted and sleep-deprived by this point and told him to stop talking about me and just can it.

I didn’t think I was in the wrong here. I organized myself beforehand and booked my seat, and felt it was quite unfair to have a random guy criticizing me to half the cabin for not wanting to swap to a middle seat for an 8-hour flight.

AITJ?”

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rbleah 5 months ago
He should have payed up to make sure his family got to sit together. NOT YOUR MONKEY, NOT YOUR CIRCUS. You chose to fit YOUR NEEDS and probably paid for it too.
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27. AITJ For Placing Random Post-It Notes Around The House?

“I bought a house seven years ago and I met my fiance, Al, four years ago This year he moved in. We’re talking about making it a home for both of us.

But as of now, he hasn’t moved much stuff in, right now 95% of the stuff and furniture in the house is mine.

When his mom comes over, she’s kind of a snoop. He was used to that, but when she comes to our house, it’s so uncomfortable because she’s just going through my stuff.

When I am bothered, she’s like ‘I was just helping with chores’ etc. He says I should just let her because she has ‘a lot of nervous energy’.

One thing she snooped on was actually embarrassing. In my home office, I had a little ‘affirmation’ post-it note on my monitor saying ‘I am smart, I am skilled, I am deserving of great things’. It was a silly thing my therapist recommended to get me in a confident mindset before an interview.

Anyway, she made a comment about my ego…

But as a joke, I decided to do it again. I had my best friend over and we got wine wasted and wrote a bunch of ‘affirmations’ to hide.

Some were:

Medicine cabinet: My teeth will regrow!

I am sharklike and powerful!

Kitchen drawers: I know when to spoon, but I also know when to fork! I am hot and self-assured!

Work desk: I will not just sneak my way to the top of the company, I will sneak my way to the top of the world!

Walk-in closet: I am beautiful with clothes and without! Especially without!

There were a bunch more, and my friend and I had a hilarious time writing them.

Next time my MIL came over she saw a few. And she didn’t acknowledge them to me even though she definitely started acting a little weird about me.

I went to run some errands and when I was out, she confronted Al about the notes and was trying to tell him that I seemed unstable, egotistical, and moving in was a bad idea. She showed him the notes and he didn’t really know what to make of it.

He asked me and I said that they were just some silly private notes to boost my self-confidence and make myself laugh; how had she gotten them? Had she been going through my things?

He said she was just tidying and saw them. And they were really weird.

I was like ‘Have you met me? You should know how weird I am. Anyway, if you don’t want your mom seeing my weird stuff you’ve got to stop letting her go through my stuff.”

He asked if I left them on purpose to annoy her, and I admitted that was kinda the joke, but I also have other weird or private stuff so what I said about her needing to stop snooping if she didn’t want to find weird crap was still for real.

He said I was making stuff hard for him, his mom was really protective and adjusting to him moving in with a partner for the first time, and I was agitating her on purpose and making her think I wouldn’t be a good partner when he wanted her to have the opposite impression of me!

AITJ for the note prank?”

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rbleah 5 months ago
UGHHHHH Another momma's boy. She NEEDS TO MIND HER OWN BUSINESS AND NOT SNOOP. Start leaving notes about people who snoop. Then think really hard if you REALLY want to deal with his mommy trying to rule your house as well as hers. Does not matter that he moved in with you. IT IS NONE OF HER BUSINESS, PERIOD. Or just flat out tell her to QUIT SNOOPING AROUND YOUR HOUSE.
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26. AITJ For Not Entertaining Unexpected Guests?

“My husband and I live a reasonable distance from the rest of our families. 10 years ago, we both had job opportunities in the south, our families live in the north. We chose to take said opportunities as it’d be cheaper housing and an increase in salary.

Since then, we typically see our families once or twice a year, usually going to them.

Right before the world fell apart, my husband’s sister and her husband retired about a half-hour away from us. They’re 20 years older than we are, pretty well off, and tired of the cold.

From that point on, they started showing up unannounced. I didn’t really mind, so long as I wasn’t expected to play hostess.

In the beginning, they were really coming by to play with our kids and visit with my husband for a little bit. In time, that delved into them wanting to drink out on the deck with us after the kids go to bed, chatting for hours.

I work 50-60 hour weeks.

When I come home, I just want to unplug and relax. My kids are getting to the age of being self-sufficient and don’t need a ton of help. I recently told my husband, that I have no issue with his sister and BIL coming over all the time, but I’m not hanging out with them each time.

He yes’d me but I don’t think he believed me.

The other night, I came home and there they were, helping my husband make dinner. I went upstairs, took a leisurely bath, and then got into some sweats.

By that time, they had already eaten dinner.

I nibbled on some leftovers, checked on my kids, talked with them about their day.

Once they made it clear they just wanted to play video games and chill, I slipped back into my room to watch TV.

After my kids went to bed, my husband texted me asking if I’d join them on the deck for some drinks and dessert.

I declined and went to bed early.

The next day, my husband said I was completely rude for not hanging out with them. AITJ?”

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rbleah 5 months ago
NOT THE JERK. You TOLD HIM and he chose not to believe you. Too bad for him. If they come over more than ONCE A MONTH it is on HIM TO ENTERTAIN THEM. And if they come on a day you have worked then TOO BAD FOR ALL OF THEM. THEY might be retired BUT YOU ARE NOT.
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25. AITJ For Not Wanting To Take The Blame For My Brother's Offenses?

“My family has been dealing with my brother C for a long time at this point both legally and financially. He has been in and out of jail for DUIs and substance use over the course of the last eight years.

I went out to get the mail last week (not something I get to normally do since I work) and noticed I had something come addressed to me from the local township. It’s a letter telling me that I missed my first court date for a speeding ticket.

As someone who has never been arrested or pulled over, my anxiety shot through the roof immediately and I began trying to figure out how this was possible. My Dad suggested I go down to the municipal building to talk to the clerk to see what they could do, which turned out to be a great idea.

The town clerk takes the letter with my ID and prints out a copy of the ticket that was issued. All of the information was right (mine), except the make, model, registration number, and license plate number of the car involved. The car involved is my brother’s car.

So, from what I can surmise, at some point, C found one of my old licenses and decided to keep it. He got pulled over for speeding in December, and instead of having his license suspended again (priors), he gave the trooper my old ID.

The clerk said the reason the ID wasn’t flagged as expired was because my current ID has the same ID number, so even if that particular instance of my license was expired, my license in general is in good standing – this is something I don’t fully understand… what’s the point of the expiration dates then?

I’d like to question the issuing officer as well, as we don’t look much alike, and there’s probably body cam footage of the stop available that will prove beyond any doubt what actually happened.

The conundrum is this: when I got home and explained the situation, my Dad was irate.

Not at C, of course, but at me, because ‘you don’t treat him like a brother’, ‘You’ve been trying to throw him under the bus for years’, and then he started doing all the mental gymnastics regarding what could have really happened, maybe the trooper made a mistake, blah blah blah.

The reality of the situation is that if I go to my second appointed court date, plead not guilty, and tell them what really happened, my brother will likely be charged with False Impersonation, Disseminating False Information, and maybe Mail Fraud and he’ll be going back to jail – likely never seeing my dad free again (Dad is 74 and has cancer).

My dad wants me to eat the ticket and points on my license despite believing my brother’s flimsy claim that he didn’t do it (he is still denying it despite overwhelming evidence to the contrary).

Oh, and if I do go through with this, my relationship with my dad will likely be non-existent.

He might even try to kick me out.

So, AITJ for wanting to send my brother back to jail?”

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LilVicky 5 months ago
Omg absolutely NTJ!! Your dad is crazy if he thinks this is ok for your brother to get away with. And if he has your old ID what’s to keep him from using it again because you know he won’t give it back to you. Go court & let the chips fall where they may.
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24. AITJ For Not Wanting To Hear About My Father's Family?

“I (29 female) got a phone call from my father. Now let me preface this by saying I ADORE my father always have and always will. That being said, my parents are divorced, (since I was six months old) and he is a drinking addict.

I do not see him much maybe twice a year if I’m lucky. He called me and we were talking about things like my books (aspiring writer) and I was even able to show him my manuscript. Everything was fine till he said, ‘You haven’t asked about your niece.’

Now, I live with my only biological sibling, and he doesn’t have a partner, kids, or anything like that. So, I replied, ‘If you mean my step-nephew he’s fine.’ (My dad remarried when I was 16 and she has 3 children and I adore all three of them) He said, ‘No I mean Carla’s baby.’ I froze for a moment and said, ‘Carla’s baby isn’t my niece.’ because she isn’t.

Carla is my first cousin on my father’s side, and she hates me. Jealous of me and my relationship with my father she has done everything to passive-aggressively put me aside.

Everything from taking expensive gifts and not even extending a thank you to scheduling a bridal shower and not inviting me to have her wedding the same week as my favorite uncle.

The man who is like my second father and has shunned me ever since I didn’t show up (uninvited) as she demanded a gift and rubbed it in my face that not only was she married first but my dad walked her down the aisle.

All this to say that we do not get along/speak or anything else.

My father didn’t like this comment and said, ‘I raised her, she absolutely is.’ to which I told him, No she isn’t and no, he didn’t as he was rarely around.

He pointed out that he provided for her, which financially yes, he did but he wasn’t this great father figure and he and I both know he walked her down the aisle to rub it in my face. He quickly changed the subject as neither one of us wanted to be angry with my aunt and grandmother on his side and how much they ‘missed me.’

I lost my cool because no, they don’t, and I told him flat out. ‘I don’t care. I don’t care about your family. I don’t want to hear about them. They haven’t seen me in 12 years, they know I can’t drive because of the wheelchair, and they won’t even take my phone calls.’

He made some lame excuse, ‘Well we’re adults, we’re busy.’

I told him. ‘My friends are all in their late to mid-20s, or early thirties some of them even older with careers and spouses (some of them) and I hear from them DAILY even if it is just a quick ‘Are you ok?’ ‘Yes’ ‘Good’ text.

And that if my family had time to vacation all over Europe then they had five minutes to answer me.”

He called me a jerk and hung up. Am I?”

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LilVicky 5 months ago
You are NTJ but your dad & his family sound like they are Class A jerks.
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23. AITJ For Not Defending My Grandmother From My Wife?

“About 3 weeks ago my wife (33) went into premature labor with our daughter at 31 weeks. It was entirely unexpected and both my wife and our daughter had a horrible time and it became quite dangerous for both of them.

My wife became preeclamptic among other serious complications and for the first week, we weren’t even sure if either my wife or our daughter would make it. Luckily they both survived but our daughter is still in the NICU after 3 weeks and probably will be in for another 3, and my wife is still in the hospital as well.

It has been a horrible struggle for my wife. Before this she was a very healthy and active person and even during most of her pregnancy she was able to maintain a somewhat active lifestyle, but because of the trauma her body went through she is basically starting back from square one and hasn’t even been able to hold our daughter yet.

My wife has had a lot of struggles so far with her birth trauma and feels so confused and hurt by her experience. She told me that she feels betrayed by her own body and even in some of her weakest moments she even said she regretted getting pregnant entirely because of how much she has suffered and she is so worried she’ll never be the person she was again.

She feels horrible for having these feelings but I and multiple mental health professionals have been working to help and support her through this.

We finally have reached a point where we can receive visitors. Her family lives close but my family lives 3 states away and have been awaiting the chance to meet the baby and check in on my wife.

My parents and grandparents flew down and I warned my family beforehand that my wife and daughter are still at very fragile stages and to be patient. When I brought them in to see my wife my grandmother immediately went and wanted to talk to her about the birth and her experience.

My wife told her that it was one of the worst experiences of her life and my grandmother responded by telling her that the ‘worst is yet to come’ and that struggling is what being a mother is about. My wife got very upset over this comment and started screaming at her to get lost and to get out.

I had never seen my wife like this and I could tell she was feeling extremely stressed and I quickly escorted my family out. I told them it would be best if they left for now and we could talk later so as not to cause even more stress on my wife.

My family said they were ‘appalled’ by my wife’s behavior and me for not defending my grandmother, but at the end of the day, I feel that it is my responsibility to be my wife’s advocator all of the time especially now. It has become a bit of a ‘tension’ in my extended side of the family however, but I haven’t told my wife about it because I don’t want to stress her out and I plan to deal with this alone entirely.

Should I apologize on my wife’s behalf? If I am the jerk I’ll own up to it, but I don’t see my wife as a jerk at all.”

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rbleah 5 months ago
Your WIFE has NOTHING to apologize for. Your grandmother on the other hand IS A WICKED WITCH OF THE WEST. YOU TOLD THEM this was extremely hard on your wife and grandma decides SHE KNOWS ALL AND SEES ALL? I would NOT apologize, in fact I would go the other way and tell her in NO UNCERTAIN TERMS that SHE OWES YOUR WIFE THE APOLOGY. Then tell the rest booing your wife that they can go pound sand and hope THEY DON'T ALMOST LOSE A LOVED ONE to the trauma your wife went through almost LOSING HER LIFE AND THE LIFE OF YOUR CHILD.
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22. AITJ For Going Off At My Partner In Front Of Visitors When I Found Out He's Been Taking My Mails?

“I have a terrible habit of leaving my mail sitting in the mailbox over weekends, BUT I didn’t think anyone in the neighborhood would touch it, cause it’s been like this since I moved here except for a month ago, I started noticing that some of my mails were going missing, it was so confusing because I already reported it but it was confirmed I received them in my mailbox which led me to believe someone’s been taking it.

Some of my mail contains… what I call important and private stuff, like bank account information and other personal information that I wouldn’t want anyone else to look at. I started going to the postal service office to get my mail as a temporary solution.

Now, about my partner ‘Jalen’ (34 M), we’ve been together for 2 years, a long-distance relationship, but he moved to my town not too long ago and started spending time at my place.

This past week, he invited me to his apartment for dinner with 2 of my friends.

Dinner went great and I helped with cooking. I walked into his bedroom looking for something. I opened one of the drawers, and there they were… every single one of my missing mails. I felt very confused, I don’t know why but I grabbed them and went to confront him IN FRONT of my friends.

I started yelling at him about taking my mails and snooping at them and violating my privacy. He stared in shock while I kept lashing out at him. He calmly said, ‘Oh I’m so sorry I forgot to give these back’. He said he was keeping them for me when he visited but I wasn’t home and promised he was planning on returning them, but forgot and they’ve been sitting there for a month.

I said he shouldn’t have touched them much less take them home and leave them in the drawer for a month! I said only snoops do that! My friends watched while I berated him. He just walked away looking red in the face.

After my friends left he said I embarrassed him and made him look bad.

We argued then I got my stuff and left. He texted me a bunch about how hurt he was by how I treated him earlier. My friends were split on this. One said I handled this badly and humiliated him in his own home, while the other said she’s been feeling creeped out by Jalen since she met him and that he deserved me yelling at him but I’m not sure if I went too far.”

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rbleah 5 months ago
He does NOT LIVE WITH YOU so has NO EXUSE to be GOING TO YOUR HOUSE AND TAKING YOUR MAIL. Does he not know that it is a FEDERAL OFFENSE and could land him in prison if it was reported? And it wouldn't mean YOU had done the reporting either. If a neighbor saw and called the cops or the postal service would have done the trick. This was NOT him being helpful. FIND ANOTHER SO CAUSE THIS ONE IS A CREEPY ONE.
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21. AITJ For Not Wanting Visitors On My Sister's Due Date?

“My sister is due with her first baby at the end of April, and I want to be available to her if she needs it. Her due date coincides with my nieces’ spring break (brother-in-law’s daughters), so my husband invited them to visit for a long weekend, along with their parents.

When he ran it by me, I said that I’d rather not because of my sister’s baby being due that weekend, and I didn’t want to be worried about hosting six out-of-town guests and a huge dog. We have two kids ourselves and a puppy, so it’s a full house as it is, and having that many people for multiple days is never easy.

I also find hosting his family stressful and want to not be dealing with that while my focus should be on the joy of welcoming a new family member and helping my sister adjust to a huge life change.

My husband completely ignored me and continued to advance the conversation with his family to the point where I was going to look like the bad guy and they would be hurt and disappointed if we said no. When I found out that they were still planning to visit, I flipped out on my husband—mostly because he has put me in a no-win situation where I’m either going to be angry that they’re imposing at an inconvenient time or I’ll damage my relationship with his family.

From my perspective, I don’t want to have competing priorities that weekend, and am hurt that he didn’t respect that. He countered that we don’t even know when my sister will give birth so we shouldn’t plan around it, and that if she does have the baby it’s no problem for me to just duck out and be available as needed. He doesn’t think that there is a big role for me to play in my sister having a baby.

He isn’t wrong, about any of that, but I’ll say that we are a close family and my sister will be very hurt if I’m not at the hospital to meet the baby at the first opportunity and present to support as needed during the early days.

And I want to be able to be that person for her.

He accused me of always giving him flack about his family visiting, that this has nothing to do with my sister, and that I just don’t want them to come, which isn’t even remotely true from my perspective, but obviously is his perception.

We’re both mad and have no resolution. Am I the jerk?”

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rbleah 5 months ago
Tell hubs he had better be prepared to HOST THEM HIMSELF cause YOU ARE NOT GOING TO BE AVAILABLE. That you are going to be there for you sister and NOT WAITING ON A BUNCH OF PEOPLE YOU DID NOT INVITE AND DON'T HAVE TIME FOR AT THIS TIME.
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20. AITJ For Walking Out Of A Gaming Tournament?

“So I (21 F) have been with my significant other (20 M) for 3 years. We got accepted into the same college and both of us tried out for our Uni’s Valorant team this last school year.

I got in, but he didn’t. This has caused a huge issue in our relationship but I thought we worked through it.

Well, there was a local gaming tournament for Val and my SO begged me to play. First place prize was $1200. Now I have been Radiant before (it’s the highest rank you can be in the game).

Right now I’m sitting a tier below that. My SO’s friends were going to join us and were all a little lower rank than me.

Well, we got into our bracket today and I carried them for 4 matches, like 30+ kills each game. But we lost our 5th one.

They started making passive-aggressive comments at me and I just choked. Well 6th game comes around and they start making really sexist comments like ‘Gosh girls really don’t belong in games huh.’ Or ‘Did your SO carry you OP? You are trash. Get back to the kitchen like a good girl.’

I thought my SO would be mad but he was just laughing with them. Halfway through our game one of the boys said ‘Jesus remind me to never ask a girl to play with us again.’ I’m pretty sensitive to that type of stuff and started crying.

My SO asked me to stop crying, it was just gamer banter and to just play the game. I told him he could go screw himself and I stood up and walked out of the gaming cafe.

It’s 12 am now and my best friend just sent me tweets from a bunch of them and their friends saying trashy things about me and how unprofessional I am.

My SO won’t even speak to me. He texted me that I embarrassed him.

A lot of my online gaming friends are telling me to just apologize and own up to my fault for making them forfeit. My gaming team at my uni is telling me to break up with him and focus on their tournaments and to forget about him.”

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MadameZ 5 months ago
Listen to your team, not a bunch of online douchbros - and dump that SO. He can't stand the fact that you are female and have beaten him at something, and if you stay with him he is going to find more and more ways to put you in your place.
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19. AITJ For Being Annoyed At My Friend Who Always Tells Me To Tidy Up My House?

“So I have this friend Carla and she is obsessed with cleanliness, order, clean lines etc, etc. Her home looks catalog clean every day, she has things meticulously organized, etc. She has an issue with perfectionism.

Simply put, I am not a perfectionist. My home is not messy and I keep it quite clean, but I’m not neurotic about cleanliness or things being ‘just so.’

For example, if my glasses have smudges on them that I don’t notice and we’re together, she will do this exaggerated huffing groan and snatch them from my face and clean them with a big show.

I had her over with another friend Jamie so we could paint some canvases and hang out.

Everything was going fine, but then a few things happened:

I have a pantry door that usually hangs open because one of the litter boxes for my cats is tucked into a back closet. Carla got up and closed it. When I went to the bathroom, I opened it.

Carla said ‘I JUST closed that door, it was bugging me’.

I said, ‘It’s supposed to be open.’ Then I started making an earring holder with plastic canvas in an empty oval frame. I wasn’t really paying attention to the lines fitting in the frame straight or anything, and when I finished it and put it together with my earrings, it was crooked. But LOL who cares, it’s for my earrings.

Carla was like ‘Every single time I see it, it’s going to drive me crazy.’

I was like ‘It’s fine’.

She literally took the thing off my coffee table and grabbed the leftover plastic canvas. I asked her what she was doing and she said ‘I can’t stand it being crooked’.

Jamie just looked at me and mouthed ‘Wow’ and I was like ‘Hey Carla? Can you not?’

Carla said something like ‘Come on, it’ll look a lot better, it’ll just take a minute.’

I said ‘DUDE, you need to calm down.

If you want to be fussy over stupid nonsense, you have your own place to do that. Stop trying to control what I do in my own home.’

She kinda looked shocked and was like ‘Okay…’ and huffed and went on this whole rant about how she does this crap to help me, my life is a mess and it’s because I just blow through things and don’t pay attention or care or have pride in what I do.

She kept going on and on while she took her toys and went home.

Honestly, it was a long time coming because I’ve told her time and again to knock it off, but this just took the cake. Jamie however said that we were both acting dumb and that we should both get over ourselves.

AITJ?”

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IDontKnow 4 months ago (Edited)
NTJ. Carla has some severe OCD or something that she needs to get help with. She needs to realize that she can't control everything everyone does whenever/wherever. Whether she "likes" it or not, whether it "bothers" her or not, is irrelevant. Unless it is her property, or in her house, she's got ZERO say over it.
She probably looked shocked when you finally said something to her because no one has ever enforced their boundaries with her before. Everyone probably always placated her because it was easier.
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18. AITJ For Preventing My In-Law From Buying things For My Son?

“I have a good relationship with my in-laws, and they’ve always treated me like their daughter. When I got pregnant they were so excited to have a grand baby.

My son is about 1.5 years old now. My in-laws adore him and watch him frequently for me while I work.

But sometimes I feel like boundaries get blurred, and they kind of spring things on me (usually with other families there) that they know I would disagree with if they had come to me privately.

For example, my mother-in-law for whatever reason has been dying to get him a sandbox since the day he was born.

I grew up in a coastal area and I know what a pain in the butt cleaning up sand can be and how cats love to use them as a litter box, and my son puts everything in his mouth. So I’ve always expressed that it was something I didn’t want and he would need to be older anyway.

But on Easter, my MIL announces that my son is getting two Easter baskets and that one is part of a gift he’s getting when we move into our new house.

Well, she walks out with the basket and its sand toys, and she says they’re going to put a sandbox at our new house.

I just kind of laughed thinking there was no way she was serious, but when I realized she was I said there was no way. And if she wants a sandbox she can put it in her own backyard when he’s older. Of course, it’s awkward because this exchange happened in front of the whole family.

My husband didn’t really say anything (he never does) but afterward would always tell me that I was mean or that I hurt their feelings.

The last incident happened this last week at the weekly family dinner and my MIL announced that on Saturday they are taking my son fishing while I’m at work.

I am really strict about water having an uncle who drowned and a friend who’s 2 years old also drowned while in her parents’ care. My son is also very fearless and gets into trouble easily, I was immediately uncomfortable with this and could tell my husband was too.

Nothing was said at the moment though.

Afterward, I expressed to my husband that I was not okay with him going fishing and he agreed. Then he had the audacity to say that I should talk with them. I also said I am frustrated because I feel like she always springs things like this on me in public because I’m less likely to say no in order to not cause a scene or cause friction with my husband.

I am willing to find someone else to watch him that day if they want to go fishing.

Am I the jerk for always preventing them from buying things for him or doing things with him? I know I can be overprotective, he’s my first and only baby, and I try to be reasonable, but I’ve been told by others that I should let them enjoy their grandson and not be ungrateful that they want to be active in his life.”

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LilVicky 5 months ago
That’s a big NO. They do not get to make these kind of decisions without your & your husband’s ok. And your husband needs to grow a spine & stand up to them & have your back. NTJ
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17. AITJ For Making A Joke About Dressing Up As A Woman?

“Last week, I was informed that a client was going to transfer a part of his business to our branch. I contacted a coworker from the other branch who was managing his business because some documents I received from them were lacking.

We’ve been corresponding via email the whole week.

On Friday he invited me to lunch this Monday to answer any questions I had about the client.

When I got to work this morning I called his work phone to confirm the meeting, I had to leave 90 minutes before because the meeting was in a different city.

When I presented myself, he said while laughing that he thought I was a woman. I told him yeah I get that a lot and that’s why I have my pronouns on my email signature.

When I asked him if we were still on for lunch he started stumbling over his words.

He said that he couldn’t make it and probably wouldn’t be able to in the next few months because he was neck-deep in paperwork but told me I’d be more than welcome to keep asking him any questions I had over email.

I told him that if that was his issue then I was more than happy to identify as a woman for the whole duration of lunch and I could even put on some makeup and wear some heels just for him.

I wasn’t talking loud but the office was dead silent and those who were close to me overheard what I said. When I explained the context during the lunch break, four of them started laughing. One of them even offered to do my face and lend me her heels if the jerk decides to meet me.

Well, the remaining two coworkers took offense to what I said and told me it was sexist to think that being a woman is just painting your face and wearing flirty shoes and how ignorant of me to believe that I could just identify as one for a few hours.

I apologized to them and explained that that wasn’t my intention in making those comments. I just wanted to show him how unprofessional he was because he wasn’t interested in the meeting and wanted to have lunch just because he thought I was a woman.”

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MadameZ 5 months ago
NTJ but I suspect your co-workers are. Their reactions sound more like those of anti-trans wingnuts than people taking offence over what they percieved as you mocking trans people.
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16. AITJ For Wanting To Sleep At A Hotel?

“My partner (25 M) and I (25 F) are about to leave to spend the long weekend with his parents, who live at a beach a few hours away from our city.

I like his family enough but I hate staying at their house for several reasons.

First of all, his parents won’t let us sleep in the same room because we’re not married. I get it – their house, their rules, and we’ve respected their wishes in the past, but I don’t like it.

It feels infantilizing. Plus, we’re moving in together in a month and they know that. Anyway, the same room thing is annoying but not a dealbreaker on its own. However…

The bed they have me sleep on is SO uncomfortable. It’s a twin cot in a tiny little room which is fine, but the mattress is the worst. It’s so uncomfortable that I can barely sleep so I’m always tired. Plus, every time I sleep on that mattress my back ends up killing me for days afterward.

They also refuse to turn their AC on and that little windowless room gets SO HOT at night. I started bringing an electric fan whenever we visit in the summer which helps a tiny bit but not much. And then my partner ends up having to sleep on the pullout couch in the den, which he hates because…

His dad is a very early riser and is usually up at 4:30 a.m., blasting music and singing along at top volume while he makes coffee and eats breakfast. He doesn’t stop doing this when there are guests in the house, and even though I sleep upstairs I can hear everything like it’s inches away.

My partner’s siblings and their families will also be there. Between them, they have 5 little kids. I love the kids but they are also loud early risers.

So for this long weekend, I decided to book a room at a hotel that’s less than a 10-minute walk to his parents’ home.

I talked with my partner before I did it and he said he said he thought it was a good idea, but he said that he would still stay at his parents’ house (on the cot I usually sleep on).

Well, he was at my place last night and his mom FaceTimed and we told her I’d be staying at a hotel.

She was really offended. She said that it was rude of me to turn down a free bed in their home and accused me of not wanting to see them or spend time with them.

To my partner’s credit, he defended me and told her that all I was planning on doing was sleeping at the hotel, I’d still be spending pretty much every waking moment with the family.

But she kept saying things like ‘What, our house isn’t good enough for you, OP?’

I told her that I just wanted to be comfortable when I slept and that it wasn’t anything personal. She eventually said ‘Fine, whatever, see you tomorrow’ and then hung up abruptly.

So then she must’ve complained about me to the rest of the family because this morning, my partner’s sister texted him and said ‘Look, I know that bed sucks but it’s only two nights, can’t she just stay there to keep the peace?’ My partner continued to defend me but now I’m dreading this entire weekend.”

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rbleah 5 months ago (Edited)
You could always take a blowup mattress to put on top of the cot AND they have these little air conditioning machines that are small and just enough to cool a small room. Plus it might make just enough white noise to cover SOME of the noise of the morning. OR NOT. I just find it odd that MOST HOSTS try to make their guests COMFORTABLE during visits. Are they trying to send a message to you?
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15. AITJ For Fighting With My Significant Other's Sister's Friend At Her Birthday Party?

“So my significant other (22) and I (21) have been together for almost 1 year and 10 months. We absolutely are soulmates, we get along so well, and he is just so caring and loving. he absolutely feels like my other half.

My SO introduced me to his sister after being together for seven months.

He also introduced me to his sister’s friend, who was also present at the time. She is not just his sister‘s (20) best friend/childhood friend, she’s also his friend, I’ll call her Kelsey (20).

Kelsey does not like me at all, I did absolutely nothing to her.

It’s very obvious that Kelsey likes my SO – the way she acts, while she is around him, and kisses him on the cheek way too often. It’s just so weird. Kelsey always touches my SO’s chest or sits on his lap, right in front of me.

It makes me uncomfortable, him uncomfortable and it’s just so awkward for everyone. My SO doesn’t really tell her to get lost, he’s shy, does not speak up for himself and he’s socially anxious.

I did bring it up multiple times that it makes us uncomfortable, but his sister just tells me I’m insecure and they’re literally close friends, almost family.

My SO also told his sister that it makes him uncomfortable, but she blames me for turning him against her friend. That it wasn’t a problem before he and I started going out, so it’s my fault.

During the incident, my SO’s sister’s birthday was June 26 and she had a party.

I wasn’t invited, but my SO took me with him anyway. I of course dressed up for the occasion. My SO was taking pictures of me and my hair wasn’t looking right, so I went to the bathroom to fix it. When I came back she was all over him, he looked so uncomfortable.

I was going to calmly tell her to get off my man, but then she literally almost kissed him on the lips, he turned his head away, so she couldn’t. I lost it, I yelled at her and screamed all sorts of profanities. I took my earrings, and heels off and put my hair in a bun.

It was about to go down. She also yelled at me, she called me a doll, that I have no other substance to me than my looks, etc.

Things happened that I can’t really say here, but my SO and several other people had to drag me out.

He and I left the party immediately, apparently everyone else also went home after. The party was completely ruined.

I have gotten so many shots from her family and friends. They call me jealous and disrespectful. That I’m disgusting for ruining her party and coming in between the relationship of Kelsey and my SO.

His sister texted me a lengthy message, calling me a witch who’s envious of her friend and she hopes her brother and I break up. They’re both completely out of their mind, This all isn’t normal. I’ve had it with her behavior.

It’s weird for her to constantly be on him. They know he doesn’t like it and she still does it regardless.

I maybe shouldn’t have done it at her party, but I think it was a valid reaction. AITJ?”

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LilVicky 5 months ago (Edited)
You both should stop going anywhere where Kelsey might be. If it means missing out on parties or get togethers then so be it until your SO can learn to speak up for himself. NTJ
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14. AITJ For Wanting To Uninvite My Mother-In-Law From Our Wedding?

“I am currently planning a wedding with the love of my life.

His mom is a nightmare but he backs me 100%.

My parents threw us an engagement party recently. We have a family friend who has a huge thing for MIL. I guess she told him that she used to be a professional dancer because he was pressuring her to dance for us.  To be fair she did brush it off the first time, but he whined, so she agreed.

Instead of I don’t know, showing him a video off YouTube or going somewhere private, she demonstrated on the ground at the party. Obviously, people looked over. She is still in excellent shape and can do a lot of the tricks. It came off as really attention seeking, so my mom went over and pulled her off the ground and was like enough.

MIL clearly didn’t care that she had upset me and her son. She actually seemed really pleased with herself.

I went over and quietly told her that if she didn’t know how to behave in public, we could arrange for her not to come to the wedding.

I let her know she is breaking our trust right now, so how can I really trust her not to upstage me at the wedding?

She just laughed and walked off without apologizing, but after the fact, she complained about how I was condescending. She said it wasn’t her fault because he pressured her into doing it.

A couple of family members told me I was a jerk because she was going through a divorce so what she did was okay, and the family friend was kind of rude to me the rest of the night and joked about how he wouldn’t marry anyone who talked to his mom like that.

MIL literally left her own son’s engagement party because she wanted ice cream and knowing her I think she just wanted ice cream, but multiple people acted like she left because I was rude.”

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IDontKnow 4 months ago
NTJ. She was rolling around on the floor at her son's engagement party. At a winery. That's just gross.
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13. AITJ For Not Being Too Involved With My Stepkids?

“I (33 f) am married to Mark (36 m). Mark has Josh (11 m) and Amy (9 f) with his ex Sarah (37 f).

Mark and I have Lana (3) and Cole (1) together. Mark and I have been together for 7.5 years. He’s been divorced for 8 years, but separated for close to 10 years. His relationship ended when Sarah was pregnant with Amy but the divorce didn’t get finalized until a while after she was born due to conflicts between Mark and Sarah.

Sarah does not like me. She does not like that her kids have a stepmother. She does not like that her kids have siblings who are not HER children. It has always been an issue with her. She has used parental alienation for years, which my husband has taken her to court over, and the judge will acknowledge it.

She has been fined roughly 9 times in the 5 years Mark and I have been married. But it never goes beyond that. We had a guardian ad litem (a person appointed by a court to look after and protect the interests of someone who is unable to take care of themselves) but that just ended with her being fined again and no change to the custody order or any more serious consequences for her behavior.

The worst thing is when she yells at me in front of the kids. She does not believe I should be making ANY decision for Josh and Amy. She has them where, if I make a decision for them, like they can go with a relative or can get something to eat, they will tell her and she blows up.

It’s happened so many times. Someone in Mark’s family wants to take the kids someplace? Better be Mark who says yes or the kids tell their mom I did. I don’t blame the kids. They have been told not to trust me. They told Mark that Sarah is not okay with them being nice to me and she’s not okay with me being an adult caregiver to them.

From what they have said she sees everything I do as being their mom. It is exhausting. But with the help of a therapist we have worked on a way of Mark making the decisions, but framing it with me in a more positive light around the kids.

So they can’t tell their mom I made the decision. But they hopefully see it as I care, and I want them to do this stuff. The therapist hasn’t been able to help the kids come around to me or their siblings, but it does take away what they can run and tell Sarah.

My SIL came over the other day and asked if she could take the kids to the all-ages park near us. I told her she’d need to ask Mark. She didn’t like that and started saying I need to start being more involved with my stepkids, that I act like I don’t care about them, or like I just want to be involved with my own kids.

She said they can see everything. Amy and Josh had run off, to call Sarah, and I broke down and vented at SIL about everything and I told her I know it looks off and I know it shouldn’t be so complicated but it’s hard and she has no idea what it’s like.

That Mark had already explained to her and the rest of the family why they should go to him and not me. She didn’t like that. She said I was making excuses and throwing a pity party to make it seem like I was not choosing to be an absent stepmom.

AITJ?”

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IDontKnow 4 months ago
NTJ. Unfortunately, there is nothing else you do. You're in a lose lose situation. Just keep doing what you're doing, and what you can until the kids grow up and realize what their mother is doing to them. But they need to come to that realization on their own. You can't force it. In the meantime, tell people to back TF up/off.
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12. AITJ For Refusing To Drive My Brother To The Airport?

“I (20 f) have recently moved for university and only come home for the holidays. My brother (23 m) who lives at home has always been terrible and cruel towards me.

For a bit of backstory, my brother had quite severe ADHD as a kid so my parents have always babied him and let him get away with a lot because it was harder for him than others.

On the other hand, I was an easy child and apparently required a lot less care and attention than he did because I was born ‘normal’ and had it easier. Somehow this translated into me picking up after him my entire life and him getting away with everything.

In their eyes, he could do no wrong. His doctors took him off his medication when he was around 14 because he didn’t really need it anymore but the babying didn’t end. He’s still living at home, he’s rude, messy, ungrateful, and constantly taking advantage of my parents.

He pays no rent, doesn’t cook or clean, my mum still makes his lunches and does his laundry, and he refuses to take responsibility for anything, and they don’t expect him to.

When I’m at uni it doesn’t really bother me but when I come back home to see them, I always find myself in a constant state of anger because I end up being the one to clean up his messes and do his laundry while he just bullies me tirelessly, because my parents just ‘can’t deal be bothered anymore’, literally their own words.

Tonight, this came to a boiling point when my brother and I got into an argument after I told him that I wouldn’t drop everything to drive him 4 hours to the airport for his holiday interstate. It ended up turning into a massive argument about how he treats me and my parents, acting as if the world owes him something.

He got angry, yelled at me, and stormed off. My mother witnessed the whole argument and said nothing.

I was still angry after the argument and upset that she never took my side. I started to complain to her about him because I just wanted her to agree with me for once but her response kind of just felt like a slap in the face.

She pretty much told me that I should have expected his reaction and just let it go because ‘that’s just how he is’ and at the end of the day we are still family, so I have to deal with it.

When I pushed the issue and said his behavior was not okay and he should know better at 23 years old, she said that I’ve always been overly opinionated and should make more of an effort to be nicer and not let my opinions of the world get in the way of our relationship.

I felt crushed because she didn’t care about my feelings at all. I told her I hated being a part of this family, and that I was excited to be back at uni, so I don’t have to deal with this anymore, and walked out.

I’m torn on whether or not I’m the jerk because I really don’t think I should have said what I did and feel really guilty but also, I can’t help but think that they are the ones who are wrong.

So, AITJ?”

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LilVicky 5 months ago
NTJ your parents have created this monster & they expect everyone else to just deal with “that’s the way he is” Sorry but you are never going to be put first & your feelings will never matter.
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11. AITJ For Insisting My Friend To Renew Her Passport?

“My (27 f) friend ‘Sara’ (23 f) is very codependent on her mom.

Also has depression, ADHD, severe anxiety (has meds), possibly OCD, trauma, and I am not sure what else. Her mom has her own trauma, as well as ADHD, and enables Sara. Her mom has all the important documents in one place and only she has access to them.

You wanna know how bad it is? Sara got her first job a few months ago and her mom refused to give her the SSN card for the longest time.

We’ve been sort of planning a vacation to S. Korea, where I’m originally from. My family decided to go this summer while I watch our cat, and I’ll be going this winter.

I asked my mom if I could bring a friend along and she’s willing to pay for the flight if Sara’s family pays for other things. We’ve been planning for it since March-ish.

The thing is, Sara has to renew her passport. She still hasn’t after 4 months.

Why, you ask? She’s too codependent on her mom and says her mom’s been ‘forgetting’ for the past 4 months because of ADHD. I understand not having the budget for the application (she quit her job and has been jobless since) but she refuses to fill out the application herself ‘at the bare minimum’.

I’ve been getting onto Sara’s butt about the passport because even though the website says it’ll take 6 weeks, I’m not sure if there are still delays or if USPS will mess it up and lose it.

Then Sara asked, ‘Well uh if I can’t come with you, would you take my sister with you?’ OK, I like her sister, but it’s not the same, not to mention Sara didn’t even attempt the application process and ask her dad for help.

I blew up on her and said either she fills out the application herself and makes her mom take her to get her photo taken and then send it off, or the trip’s called off, and our friendship is over.

Sara finally filled out the application (hasn’t sent it off) but is currently upset.

She refuses to talk to me much and is very avoidant. It got to the point where I blew up again for her lack of communication and blowing me off. She says I’ve been overreacting and that it’s completely unfair for me to act this way.

AITJ?”

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Ishouldntbehere2 5 months ago
NTJ. If she can't get her jerk together that's fine, but to have the gall to ask you to give her FREE FLIGHT to her sister instead?? That's just so rude. She's not your friend, she may have a bunch of issues stopping her from getting her passport done but that doesnt mean she can just mess other people around. Find another friend.
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10. AITJ For Not Having The Energy To Educate My Brother About Tarot Card Reading?

“I have been reading tarot for nearly 6 years. I learned in high school and started reading on my fellow classmates young, so I am pretty good at it.

I do take donations, but I have a day job too, so everything I make from it gets donated to a local charity near me for a cause I support.

If I’m doing it at a place that does vending, I try to give back whatever I can to the event so they can afford to put the event on again.

Sometimes, my mom’s friends will want readings – I usually am happy to read for them at parties since they’re all usually excited and since it’s my mom, I do it without charge.

If they want to tip me, I tell them to send it directly to the charity I would send it to and leave it at that. These are done in person.

Now, here comes the issue – my brother. My brother is one of those Atheists.

I do genuinely love him, but I do not like reading at events when he is around. He makes it miserable. There have been many times when I have had to tell him to take a step back because he will stand directly over my shoulder and pick at everything I say and do and accuse me of scamming people.

It annoys me because 1) I’m doing it as a favor to my mom and 2) any money I do get from it goes to charity. It’s not like I’m pocketing money, and it’s not like I make a whole lot off of it anyway.

I finally snapped at a recent party my mom had.

I go to school full time as well as working a ‘day job,’ so it’s been harder for me to do that too – so this was during my off time after being incredibly busy in my personal life too.

My brother stood there and picked at everything and made the person I was reading for cry.

I told him to leave multiple times and go harass someone else at the party, but he stood firm and said that people needed to know I was a scammer.

Again, when these are done in person, at parties like this put on by my mom, I do them for free.

It’s not like I’m stealing money from people – they just ask me to do it and I do it.

I told my mom I would no longer be bringing my cards to events that my brother is present at. She said she understood, but that I should be taking the time to educate him better instead of making everyone else suffer with my decision.

I told her that they could call me any time and as long as I wasn’t busy I would do it.

I personally do not believe in wasting my time educating people who do not wish to be educated, but I do feel bad since it’s not their fault that my brother is like that.

I feel bad for not just dealing with him, but he’s gotten semi-intense and he is not easy to kick out. He doesn’t listen to me because he is super close in age to me, and my mom thinks it’s a good opportunity for him to learn tolerance.

He knows about the decision, but he doesn’t know that he is the reason for it.

So, AITJ?”

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rbleah 5 months ago
SO TELL HIM HE IS BEING AN AZZ WITH HIS ATTITUDE. And you will not do these reading ANYWHERE NEAR HIM AGAIN BECAUSE of his attitude.
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9. AITJ For Telling My Stepmom I Don't Believe We'll Get Along?

“My stepmom (38 F) and I (16 F) have never had a relationship. She came into my life when I was 6 and immediately took a mother role. My mom is still in my life and I don’t have a strong connection with her and I don’t with my stepmom either.

Recently we’ve gotten into arguments over my behavior. I treat her the same way I treat my bio mom, with respect and I ask her for things. Like going out and doing stuff. But she claims im treat her terribly. She talks to her friends about me and they all say is terrible.

My significant other (17 M) and dad (43 M) believe I’m not wrong and that I’m either just a teenager and moody or that she’s making things worse.

Today we had a talk with my brother (15 M) in the room. She told me how she felt, and I told her basically that I thought we wouldn’t have a relationship.

It’s been 10 years and I don’t think it’ll ever happen. She used to bring up trauma from her past in our arguments and would threaten to leave my dad a couple of times. I’ve never liked her that much but I’ve tried to for my dad’s sake.

My mom leaving him hurt him a lot and I’m scared of what will happen if my stepmom leaves. She told me she wouldn’t be taking me anywhere and would only make sure I had food, water, a roof over my head, and make sure I got to school.

She told me I have to tell my dad how I don’t believe we’ll get along. Then she mumbled, ‘It’ll break him.’ She sent me to my room and I’m guessing she’ll tell all her friends I’m a jerk. My mom and stepdad think she took it way too far and should’ve just let it be.

My dad will probably side with me, and my SO thinks she took it to far.”

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MadameZ 5 months ago
You have a mother, and it isn't this whiny drama llama. As with a previous post, step-children and step siblings do not owe each other familial love, basic courtesy is plenty. And people have no more right to demand *love* from you if they are related to you via marriage than if they are eg a creepy co-worker with an unrequited crush on you.
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8. AITJ For Telling My Friend And Roommate That He Still Needs To Pay Rent?

“My wife (25 F) and I (27 m) just purchased our first home from family after renting for around 300K. It’s a 3-bed 1-bath upstairs with an unfinished basement downstairs which we are turning into a 2-bed 1.5-bath. Our mortgage is around 1500/month and utilities are around 300/month.

I am currently in college and approaching my final semester, I’m doing PT work while my wife currently has a full-time job that got us approved for the mortgage.

We might be able to make the mortgage payment ourselves if I moved to a full-time position but I’m graduating in June and wanted to get through these last 2 semesters.

So in comes my friend John (26 m), his wife (22 f) Amy, and their 10-month-old child. They are currently in an awful roommate situation and have been asking to move into my basement for months now, even before we bought the house so it was always our plan to finish out a room and bathroom downstairs (as per his request) immediately so they could get out of their current situation.

We started finishing the downstairs for him to get them moved in by mid-October. Currently, John is doing doordash with his mom as his driver since he doesn’t have a license and Amy is working at a small candy shop. John keeps complaining that he wants to find a full-time job but no one will hire him so he streams video games most days trying to supplement his income but not really putting effort into looking for a regular job.

Recently John announced that Amy is about 2 months pregnant with their second child, so Amy has quit her job leaving it all to John to support their family. He has had a couple of interviews but no callbacks yet. He has asked if he could pay around half of the rent until he found a job claiming he is applying to 5-6 jobs a day and needs a break.

I agreed to give him a month free and a half rent for 1 month after but reminded him that we have put ourselves in more debt rushing to get the room ready and can’t afford it after that.

I decided to apply to full-time positions and have got 4 job offers in under a week of applying to the same jobs he says he’s applying to with the same experience he has.

He claims it’s luck and doesn’t seem to want to put a lot of effort into his search.

Today I found out he is also now holding giveaways on his streams, giving out multiple $60 games to winners in his chat. I asked him how he was affording to do these giveaways when he can’t pay his bills and he just claims it’s his money and that games are his only release in life.

I told him that with a kid on the way he should try to be more focused on getting a job to support his family rather than playing games all the time or at least not purchase new games for strangers and he explodes at me with swearing fits or won’t talk to me for days at a time.

He has requested more than 1 month with half rent but I denied it. Now I feel like a jerk because he has a child on the way and he does need to get away from his current roommates but seems to be putting no real effort into getting a job.

AITJ?”

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LilVicky 5 months ago
Nope his family is not your problem. He is using & abusing your kindness. Tell him he has 30 days to get out & mean it. NTJ
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7. AITJ For Not Wanting My Brother To Have My Ex-Husband As One Of His Groomsmen?

“My brother (29 M) got engaged to his fiance (28 F) this summer. They are planning on getting married next spring/early summer. They have been working on putting their wedding party together and they did a video call with me (32 F) a couple of weeks ago to ask me to be a bridesmaid.

I of course agreed because I love them both and I am very happy for them.

However, during the call, and after I had already agreed to be a bridesmaid, my brother dropped a bomb on me. He said that he hopes this doesn’t cause any issues, but he wants to ask my ex-husband (30 M) to be one of his groomsmen.

My initial reaction was not the best, I basically said ‘What? Why? Are you serious?’

For some history, my ex and I were high school sweethearts and married young. We were both 23 when we married and were divorced by the time we turned 25. No infidelity or mistreatment of any kind, just a toxic relationship we were too young to recognize properly, and eventually we got to a point in our marriage where we just hated each other.

Thankfully, we never had kids and we were too young to have many assets, so the divorce was easy since neither of us wanted anything to do with the other. I moved away, got a new job, and started a new life. My ex stayed in our hometown (where my brother currently lives).

I haven’t spoken to my ex in almost 5 years.

Obviously, my brother has known my ex for a long time and they were always close. Apparently, they remained close friends after the divorce even though my brother never mentioned it to me. My brother told me that he understands this might be a bit awkward, but it’s just for one day and it’s not like my ex and I are going to have to walk down the aisle together.

He said they will try to do whatever they can to keep distance between us if needed, but that both me and my ex are very important people to him and he wants both of us involved in his wedding.

I know a lot of people will probably call me petty and immature, but I want nothing to do with my ex.

There’s a reason I haven’t spoken to him in so long, I have no desire to speak to him. Let alone be in the same wedding party as him. There’s going to be a lot of wedding party activities that are going to involve being in close proximity to him for extended periods of time.

I want nothing to do with that.

I explained all of this to my brother and told him that if he’s going to keep my ex as a groomsman, I don’t think I can be a bridesmaid and I might have to reconsider even attending the wedding.

This led to a bit of back and forth with my brother trying to bargain with me and convince me that it wouldn’t be that big of an issue, and me pretty much telling him this was non-negotiable for me.

Since that conversation, I have been contacted by our other sister (26) and my mom pretty much telling me to grow up, that I’m being petty and immature, and that I can handle being in the same general area as my ex for a short period of time to support my brother.”

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rbleah 5 months ago
Tell brother that he had better NOT pair the two of you and BROTHER MUST MAKE SURE to keep EX AWAY FROM YOU. Otherwise you will not be involved no matter how much you love them.
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6. AITJ For Being Mad At My Significant Other For Telling His Mom About My Past?

“When I (19 M) was 12 my parents kicked me out after my dad caught me kissing one of my baseball teammates. I had to find ‘ways’ to survive on the street and a lot of those ‘ways’ messed me up and I eventually got hooked on pills mostly prescription pain meds and other meds to numb the pain… I’m only here now because an older cousin found me after he left the army, got me into rehab, and let me move in.

It’s really hard for me to talk about and I don’t like people knowing.

My significant other ‘Lyle’ (18 M) knows this. I broke my arm pretty bad a few weeks ago and I was prescribed pain meds but because of my history of substance mistreatment, I don’t ever take much more than aspirin… Last week we were at his mom’s and she could tell I was in pain.

She tried to give me some oxy that she had left over from when she had to get surgery and I told her it was fine and she asked if the doctors had given me a prescription. I told her yes but that I wasn’t getting it filled. She started asking questions about why and I just kinda refused to answer till she left it alone.

I went over for brunch yesterday. Before I got to the door, Lyle told me not to be mad and I asked about what, but before he could answer his mom met us at the door and grabbed me up in a big hug. I was wondering what was going on when she started talking about how sorry she was about what I had to do on the streets and she was sorry for offering me meds without knowing.

I kinda broke down and just started screaming at Lyle about why he would tell his mom something like that and just ran off. I ended up taking the bus home and eventually calmed down.

Lyle has been calling and texting me since yesterday apologizing and telling me his mom was hounding him about why I wouldn’t take any pain meds for my arm and saying I overreacted. My cousin says I was being a jerk and over the top and that I should at least hear Lyle out instead of ignoring his calls and texts.

AITJ?”

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IDontKnow 4 months ago
NJH. Except for whoever when they told you you were overreacting. I think his mom actually cares and probably feels like a giant POS for offering you meds you can't have. But she did it to help. You see a pattern here?
I also understand you don't want to talk about your past, and you don't want people to know, and I understand why. But these people seem to really care about you. And sometimes you need to let people in all the way. Sometimes you need to not ignore your past. Talking about it aids the healing. Even though talking really sucks.
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5. AITJ For Calling My Mother-In-Law A Liar For Not Fulfilling Her Promise?

“MIL recently quit her job. This was not planned, an absolute fit of rage, security had to be called, she broke a computer, craziness. She was told she was fired that night, but also said she quit. I don’t know which one came first, but they changed their mind pretty quickly and begged her to come back.

She refused as she was humiliated. Apparently, she was fighting with someone over a guy, and that is what prompted this, so I get not wanting to go back.

She said she was retiring early. I was skeptical as she didn’t seem to have a life outside of her job, but I didn’t question her.

I recently had a baby and wanted to go back to school at least part-time. MIL said she could watch him some evenings so I could go to class. I was extremely thankful. I haven’t signed up yet as it would be next semester, but I was planning around it.

MIL’s retirement didn’t seem to be going well, but I didn’t think much of it. I figured she would just adjust. She pretty much just cries all day, but I really couldn’t tell if she was crying over the guy or the job (he messages her constantly and she won’t block him) The other day she was showing me a video on her phone, and a text popped up about everything is all set and she can come and pick up her employee badge, and they are so excited to have her.

She tried to hide the phone, but I’d seen it. She finally admitted she hated being retired and is going back to work. She said she was going to tell me, but she talked to her mom and her mom can watch my son. That is not an option for me as MIL’s mom has a lot of emotional issues and some minor mobility issues.

I snapped at MIL that she was a liar and went back on her promise. MIL started yelling about how I’m a user and I don’t care about her happiness and all she ever had was this job. I screamed at her that she and her wannabee partner deserve each other and I hate her.

I burst into tears and just couldn’t be around her. Now MIL is telling everyone that I’m sexist (what?!) and don’t care about her mental health.

About MIL’s mental health: MIL and this man make each other crazy. Outside of this mess, she is wonderful, he seems like a solid dude, but holy cow do these to make each other insane.

That was a low moment, which we all have, and not her normal behavior. She’s always been the responsible one, sucked up her feelings, etc. They just have this hold on each other, and she snapped one time. I’m not going to hold it against her for the rest of her life.”

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anma7 5 months ago
YTJ... so you ask mil ro sit YOUR kid so you can go back to school and she agrees BUT you haven't actually sorted it out yet... then she realises she hates not working so organises to gp back to work which you KNOW was her life... so what if her and her person make each other crazy.. THATS ON HER TO DECIDE ON.... not you or partner.... she then tells you HER MOM will watch kiddo which she was wrong to do cos YOU should sort out caremfor YOUR KID so YOU can go to school.. admittedly SHE was wrong for telling you her kom would have kiddo....
So this guy makes her crazy.. that's for her to deal woth not you if she ain't watching kiddo it doesn't matter if she lays crying every ought cos her man has upset her
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4. AITJ For Being Overwhelmed By The Expenses For My Best Friend's Wedding?

“My best friend doesn’t get married until early next year but the text messages have been coming through even when I was still planning my own wedding earlier this year. I had to set boundaries recently because the requests she is making are totaling to be over $3500.

This includes flights and hotel for a bachelorette weekend, a bridal shower, and obviously for the wedding. I am the only person who has to fly out for all the events, and financially it’s getting to be too much. My husband and I didn’t have a bachelor/bachelorette we did not want to put that financial pressure on anyone.

She thinks I don’t want to go to the bachelorette weekend because I’m jealous, but that’s not the reason.

I am not the only one who feels this way as other bridesmaids have expressed the possibility of them not being able to go even if it is a few months away.

The bride sent everyone a message and said she would be willing to lend people money. I told her that was a bad idea as people can’t guarantee immediate payment even if it is 6 months out.

She is now super upset with me and says I am out to ruin her wedding and am being selfish because I already had my wedding so I should be doing everything I can to make hers perfect.

Now I have another one of the bridesmaids sending me text messages speaking FOR the bride and letting me know she is highly upset with everything going on and if I could just help with making the bachelorette perfect and attend with no hard feelings.

I haven’t responded because I have made my point perfectly clear that I cannot attend all the events or feel comfortable spending that much money. AITJ?”

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rbleah 5 months ago
Back out and tell bridezilla that YOU DID NOT expect people to spend like that for YOUR WEDDING so why is SHE EXPECTING IT FOR HERS. And then trying to act like YOU are out of line? THIS IS WHY I NEVER GOT INVOLVED in someone else's weddings.
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3. AITJ For Kicking My Friend Out For Being Rude At The Pizza Delivery Guy?

“I work remotely. Stressful gig, managing a team of ten, many early mornings, and many days stretching into the evenings.

I’m well compensated and I do flex time as needed, so while stressful, I like it!

A friend messaged me at 430 asking to come over for dinner. No problem I said, but dinner is going to be takeout, ‘I’ll buy if you fly’ was my offer.

‘No can do,’ she said. ‘I had an Awful day. Can you just get delivery? From wherever I don’t care.’

I ordered pizza. The place was around the corner, less than two miles away. Mom and Pop. DoorDash. It’s okay, not great.

But it’s hot and fast. 20% tip on the app. $10 cash with a post-it taped to my door.

My friend arrives before the pizza, but at the same time, I get a text from ‘Peter’ at the restaurant, waiting to pick up my order. I thank him.

My friend tells me she’d really have preferred Thai food, pizzas too fatty, etc. but she’s STARVING so she’ll make it work. I somewhat flippantly reminded her that if she picked up the food she could have whatever she wanted.

Well ‘Peter’ arrives, and my friend meets the pizza at the door.

Comes back with the pizza AND the ten spot I’d taped to the door.

‘Where’d that come from?’ Ohhhh she says. ‘Peter is a — woman! They’re lying to DoorDash, she shouldn’t be rewarded for fraud – you should get your money back’.

I chased down the delivery woman and handed her the ten. Apologized, thanked them for the super quick delivery, and wished them well.

I stormed back into my house – utterly livid. My friend was already on the couch eating pizza and scanning for something to watch.

The pizza box is wide open (ugh. My pet peeve – keep it warm) and the rage. Just hit.

‘Who do you think you are? You want me to report a driver who did exactly their job, that I paid them to do because you couldn’t be inconvenienced to pick up from a restaurant you literally drove past to get here.

I don’t care if Peter is a woman, I don’t care if that woman isn’t Peter. Frankly none of my or your business. You disrespect me and my home, you left the pizza like this. You couldn’t wait 30 seconds for me to run a tip out to the driver that YOU decided they didn’t earn, even though it wasn’t yours to make that call, etc. Take the pizza and go home.

I can’t deal with this tonight.’

She left. With the pizza, two yogurts, a roll of paper towels, and a bottle of wine.

I got a message later telling me that if I was so stressed I simply should have declined when she asked to come over and she’s not responsible for my stress.

So. I’ll admit. My nerves were thin last night. I haven’t responded back to her. I probably won’t. I really don’t want to deal with the person I saw last night – but again, if I’m giving myself a leash for my rude behavior because of a stressful week, do I actually owe her the same?”

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rbleah 5 months ago
Why does she think she can be SO RUDE IN YOUR HOUSE? Don't care how stressed you are what she did PUSHED EVERY BUTTON YOU HAVE I THINK. And she takes MORE THAT JUST THE PIZZA WHEN SHE LEAVES? NO, NO, JUST NO. GET A NEW FRIEND CAUSE SHE AIN'T IT.
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2. AITJ For Talking To My Daughter About Jobs?

“I (53 M) was on the phone with my daughter (27 F) the other day as she is a Ph.D. college student and long distance from us at the moment. We’re all feeling frustrated and upset after the call and I feel like I’m crazy so thought I’d post in the sub since I read it on my work breaks anyway

My daughter is almost done with college and says she needs to apply for jobs this fall. Whenever we talk about jobs my wife and I ask her where she wants to work and she always just says ‘It doesn’t work like that’ and says she needs to just go wherever there are jobs available.

This is weird to me because there are colleges in every state, so I say this. She says it’s not like other jobs where you can just send in an application and that colleges need to be specifically hiring professors in her specialty and then there is a long selection and interview process.

So basically she is just going to go wherever they hire her.

This still didn’t answer my question though so I asked if she did have her pick where would she go and she said she doesn’t even think about it because it’s not going to happen so why get her hopes up thinking about a particular school?

My wife said ‘So if they were hiring in Hawaii or in Europe that wouldn’t be your dream job?’ and I said what if she could get a job in the city near us (it’s a major city with a number of universities and we’re only 20 mins away) or at her old college (an hour away) she just said ‘Seriously I don’t think about it, we go through this every time’.

I then told her she should consider teaching at a high school because she could move closer to home again and she said she doesn’t have an education degree so that doesn’t work like that. There is a catholic school in our hometown she could work at though.

I said no worries, we’d probably move to wherever she moves because we can’t stand the idea of not living by her. The Ph.D. is one thing because that’s like 5 years. But I won’t have that for the rest of our lives. She said that’s unrealistic and that we’re really overestimating the amount of free time she’d have to hang out with us all the time.

And again says ‘Seriously can we please drop the subject? You guys are intentionally not understanding me’. This was not the case though, she was just not making sense. And I find it hard to believe that she doesn’t have a SINGLE dream university, or that she wouldn’t try to work closer to home which I said.

She then just said she had to go and hung up.

So AITJ for just trying to make conversation about jobs?”

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rbleah 5 months ago
It is very clear she does not want to discuss this with you. And sounds like you are pushing her to MOVE HOME and she does not want to. LET IT GO, SHE WILL DECIDE FOR HERSELF. You may THINK you are trying to help BUT YOU ARE NOT. Leave her alone about this question and let her decide for herself what and where she wants to go. She will tell you what she has decided WHEN SHE IS READY. QUIT PUSHING ALREADY.
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1. AITJ For Being Mad At My Brother For Calling My Husband His "Illegitimate" Brother-In-Law?

“So I’ve been with my partner for over 13 years now but ‘partner’ sounds really high school after everything we’ve been through so I call him my husband and ask that my family does too.

So yesterday we had an early Father’s Day get-together at my mom’s house and I brought a Father’s Day gift for my stepdad and my two brothers. When we were doing gifts one of my brothers just casually handed my husband a gift and everyone stopped their own convos and started paying attention to them.

My husband looked confused cause we don’t have any kids so my brother says in front of everyone, ‘I know y’all miscarried so maybe you’re not celebrating but I know how excited you were about it and I think you would have been awesome at it.

You might be an illegitimate brother-in-law, but you would’ve made a good dad.’

Everyone acted like this was so sweet and even chuckled at the part when he said he’s his illegitimate brother-in-law but I was so mad, I asked my bro why he thought it was okay to bring up my dead baby and then drive home the point that we’re unmarried. And really did he have to use the word illegitimate?

You know, what my baby technically would have been if it lived? I asked him why is he so caught up on whether our relationship was ‘legal’ or not that he couldn’t make a sweet gesture without throwing in the fact that he’s not REALLY my husband.

I asked him what his problem was and why was everyone so obsessed with marriage as I got up and left to walk back to my own house across the street.

My mom, sister, and brother’s wife came over & tried to say that I blew things out of proportion and to please come back but I said they’re stupid if they can’t see that my bro literally set my husband up to clown him with a fake sentimental ‘gift,’ bringing up something painful, and then to take a jab at us not being married at the end.

My brother texted me an apology yesterday and again this morning in our family’s group text but I’ve just been replying to everyone else and ignoring whatever he says.

So just now my sister said if I’m right about my brother wanting to set us up to look bad then I’m letting him win because I berated him at the party and now I’m ignoring his public apologies so it’s making me look ‘salty’ while making him look like an innocent victim.

My husband says he’s torn on what to think because he initially felt good to be called bro-in-law since my brother is usually quiet and unemotional, so my husband felt like this proved my brother considers him part of the family. But I said if he really considered him part of the family, he wouldn’t have said the illegitimate part!

And since when did it become okay to bring up people’s dead children willy-nilly? So what’s the verdict?”

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rbleah 5 months ago
Your brother sounds like a bully.
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