People Want Us To Confront Them About Their "Am I The Jerk" Stories
17. AITJ For Not Babysitting My Sister's Kids?
“My younger sister has 3 kids between the ages of 3-7. She texted me last minute telling me she had bought concert tickets in advance and tonight was the night of the concert and needed me to watch the kids. I already had plans to go out to dinner for my friend’s engagement celebration.
I told my sister this and she told me I just shouldn’t go and should stay home and watch the kids. I told her I couldn’t do that to my friend (who’s been my friend since the 7th grade), and I was expected to go.
She told me family was more important and that she would be dropping the kids off at 5:30. I again told her no, I would already be gone and would probably be gone til late.
She got very upset and said she couldn’t go to the concert then because she didn’t trust anyone else to watch her kids, so I told her maybe she shouldn’t make plans for herself before making sure she has a sitter and that it’s not my responsibility to drop what I’m doing and watch her kids.
She called me selfish and hasn’t spoken to me since and I guess she called my aunt who lives out of state crying, and she called me and said I was being a bad big sister and should’ve helped my sister out so she could have one night of fun.
I have babysat for my sister on many occasions so she could ‘have a night of fun.’ This is the only time I’ve said no. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. But no, just no, to your sister. You do not need to watch someone else’s kids AT ALL.
EVER. MAYBE if she were polite. If she asked nicely. If she asked you in advance. If you didn’t have plans. If you agreed to it. Then, MAYBE you could watch her kids. But maybe not. Maybe you wouldn’t feel like it, and you would still say no.
That’s ok too. Taking care of those kids is your sister’s responsibility. Not yours.” MissAnth
Another User Comments:
“NTJ by any stretch of the imagination. Little sister needs to learn simple common courtesy and ask you in advance if you’re available to babysit her children so she can attend a concert.
Not demand that you cancel your plans because she didn’t ask until the last minute.
The aunt that called saying you were a ‘bad big sister’ and anyone else that jumped on that train are way out of line.
Remind these people that you have a life that doesn’t revolve around being your sister’s unpaid babysitter at her beck and call, you’ve done that a lot, and let sister know that if she ever pulls the whiny ‘big sister being selfish and won’t babysit so she can have a night of fun’ card again she will find herself spending her nights at home until she finds another sitter.” FordWarrier
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but your sister is a jerk though.
She bought the tickets in advance but didn’t plan anything for the kids, she just expects people to babysit them at the last minute without any objections.
She’s demanding you drop your plans to take care of her kids. If anything, she should be the one dropping her plans since there’s no one to babysit her kids.
Her kids, her responsibility and not yours.
She’s a selfish brat who cries when she doesn’t get her way. She cries about how you’re selfish because your life doesn’t revolve around her. She says family helps family but she probably hasn’t helped anyone whether when asked or by her accord.
I wouldn’t be surprised if she comes to your place sometime in the morning to drop her kids at you (ditch her kids in front of your door).” please_send_noodles
16. AITJ For Ignoring My Dad After He Calls Me His Coworker's Name?
“My dad works as a manager of sorts with a local consulting company. He has a coworker who he has to work with at all times, but he hates him. A lot. At this point, this guy is a running joke in our family about how much my dad complains and jokes about him.
He even ignores his calls outside of work time and just sits there and mocks him. Also, my dad studied abroad and lived in the US and UK for a while. This is important for later.
Now into the issue; I (23F) recently finished university.
I’ve started applying for scholarships abroad, and since this is a relatively new process for me I’ve been asking my dad for help. I’ve also been talking to my mom about the universities I’m thinking about and comparing courses. I’ll admit when I get excited about something I just keep talking about it.
However, I have been talking more to my mom than my dad (I’m closer to her than him). For a while, he wouldn’t come home, which is fine. He helps my elderly grandparents and is currently fixing their house.
Yesterday, he came home early for the first time in a while.
I sat down next to him and started talking in general, and as soon as I went to ask about his opinion on one of the universities, he called me his coworkers name. I was confused, so I asked him what? He scoffed, laughed, then said ‘you are the second version of (coworker’s name).’ I went quiet.
I told him that was really uncalled for, but he continued saying I talked his ears off and I’m annoying him. I shut up and went back to my own stuff. Later that afternoon when mom finally sat down with us I started talking to her about how cool one university was.
My dad immediately looked up from his phone, scoffed again, and said ‘see? You really are a copy of him.’ My mom didn’t hear so I told her what he said. She immediately laughed but told him not to say that as it was rude.
Well, dad got angry. He started saying stuff like ‘she needs to relax’ ‘she keeps running her tongue’ and ‘let it go, I’m getting bored.’ I immediately went quiet and left after a while which made mom call after me. The rest of the night went by, but before bed, he came into my room and told me that I am obsessing over the scholarships and it was bringing everyone down because there is no guarantee I’ll get accepted.
I just told him it isn’t his business and I won’t bother him anymore.
Well, now he’s super mad and keeps calling me overdramatic. This morning, he told me it was a joke and to get over it before he left work.
I haven’t talked to my dad since then, but mom is pressuring me to apologize and let it go. She’s telling me this guy is giving dad a hard time at work, he’s overwhelmed with my grandparents and some financial issues.
Still, I don’t see how this is related to me. So, am I the jerk for getting upset and ignoring my dad this morning?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Based on the info given, I don’t see the correlation between your (understandably) excited behavior and help-seeking from your parents with the coworker your dad disdains.
Furthermore, you weren’t disrespectful when you felt it shouldn’t be implicated multiple times.
You shouldn’t apologize for your dad’s poor coping with stress. If he didn’t have the mental capacity to help you at that time he has to verbally say so – no one is a mind reader!
At most I would say something along the lines of ‘I understand you may be under significant stress right now.
If you can’t help me with A or B, please use your words to tell me you don’t have the bandwidth at the moment and let me know when would be a good time. I don’t appreciate being referred to as ‘in any capacity since’ is not very well thought of by you.
Good luck with your scholarships!” Icy_Masterpiece_1872
Another User Comments:
“I want to give you a big hug. I’ve been where you are.
Everything you’re feeling right now? The discouragement, the hurt, the confusion – it’s all valid. Your father told you that he doesn’t like who you’re becoming, that anything you’re excited about isn’t worth being excited about, and that he doesn’t care about you.
That makes him a very bad father and your mother isn’t great either. She should be defending you, not him. Good parents ‘want’ their children to go farther than they ever did. They should cheer you on, and get excited about what you’re excited for.
But instead, your father is trying to make you feel bad.
I’m going to give you a little advice. And it’s harsh, I know. Don’t expect him to change. He won’t. He’s a bad father and probably not a great person, either.
He doesn’t respect you. So you apply for those scholarships by yourself. Get help online, look for help at school, or from people who’ve already done it. Find other resources.
Then leave. Go find people who will appreciate your excitement, who will cheer you on, who adore your intelligence.
Those people exist. They will love you and want the best for you. And you will do the same for them.
I’m sorry your family sucks. But you can make your own family elsewhere.
NTJ.” throwawaynoise97
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and don’t you dare apologize.
You haven’t done anything wrong. You’re talking about and focused on the next stage of your life. Your dad is plenty old enough to understand when you say something rude to someone to vent your stress about a wider situation, that person is allowed to dislike it. Wait as long as you need to feel comfortable before talking to your dad again, and maybe try some kind of pro/con list if you want to vent your excitement when he’s around so he doesn’t nag.” DazzlingAssistant342
15. AITJ For Telling My Mom She's Not My Responsibility?
“I (21F) and my mom (42F) have never really had a good relationship. She’s the only person who’s ever shamed me about my weight and the number of friends I have, and she constantly guilt-trips me by reminding me that she gave up her life to raise me.
She’s also kept my own medical records from me, waiting until I was 16 to tell me I had received an autism diagnosis when I was four.
I’m currently attending college and living in the dorms. She’s always calling me and begging me to come back, even though I’ve told her time and time again that I’m not going to drop everything and move back home unless she gives me a good reason (ex.
my sibling is sick). Before you ask, the only reason she’s given me is ‘You should be ashamed of yourself for moving so far away, when you know our family is struggling with finances’ (we’re upper-middle class, by the way). I’ve also been making plans to move even further away, for a more accepting environment.
She knows this.
Yesterday I finally asked her why she really needed me home so badly, because she clearly hasn’t been telling me the truth. That part she actually admitted to. She then went on to say ‘I want you close to home so you don’t have to drive very long when I’m old and you come back to take care of me.”
I will admit, my reaction to that information was inappropriate.
I did not cuss her out, or scream, or tell her she was a horrible person. I did, however, demand to know why I of all people was the one that had to bear the responsibility of taking care of her in her old age.
Keep in mind, this woman has a husband and nine other children, one of which is about to graduate.
She said it was to repay her for all the years of her life she lost when she got pregnant with me. Once again, I was reminded of the fact that she didn’t need to give her life up to raise me, but she did anyway.
I have never been ungrateful for that. However, she did the bare minimum when it comes to parenting: the infamous ‘I put clothes on your back, a roof over your head, food on your table’ kind of deal.
She has been emotionally unstable my entire life, and only ever acknowledges me when I did something to benefit her.
If I wasn’t being a picture-perfect daughter, I was yelled at, or in trouble in some other way. She’s shamed me for my weight, the way I dress, and the past partners I’ve had.
I told her that it wasn’t my job to take care of her, since she barely took care of me.
I do not want to be stuck in a small town in the middle of nowhere just because someone who calls me the worst mistake of her life wants me to.
However, I’ve been thinking that my words may have been a bit harsh.
Other than being emotionally unavailable and unstable, she did a decent job of keeping me alive. She’s been saying that I’m a jerk for not wanting to be her personal maid when she’s older. So, I want to know, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
Absolutely NTJ.
Her choice to have a kid was her responsibility. Telling you that raising you and the life that came with that was somehow your fault is ridiculous. She signed up for 18 years of responsibility for you when she had you.
That’s not on you.
Caring for a minor child of your own is not comparable to signing up to take care of an aging adult.
You, however, have no claim to take care of her. She isn’t your responsibility. She is an adult.
She can figure out her last living arrangements herself. She has plenty of time to figure things out. She needs to be responsible for herself. Not you. And she can’t expect you to do it without offering yourself first.
NTJ – and tell her no.
It’s not your wish to take care of her when she’s older. You don’t have any responsibility for the end of her life if you don’t choose to take that role.” squirreltrap
Another User Comments:
“Emotional abuse, medical something/neglect/not sure what (not knowing your own diagnosis), verbal abuse and she views you as her retirement plan.
NTJ
You didn’t say this to be cruel or mean or out of the blue. You said it in response to her telling you that she views your role in life as being there to serve her, and only her. You are not her possession or her minion.
You are a person.
You said this as a response to the absolutely appalling level of dehumanizing selfishness that her comment showed to you. You were definitely provoked.
So, not your fault. Could you have said it differently? Sure, with advance warning of her cruel statement and her abject selfishness, and enough time to do a dozen rewrites.
It would take me that long, and I’m not the one that got attacked with the emotional damage of what she said to you.
I firmly believe that when your parents mistreat you, you owe them nothing when you are an adult.
The abusive parents are the ones that have broken the relationship, not you. For a child to get through a childhood of mistreatment, like my spouse, like you, means that you will have many years of unlearning things that you learned from the abusers that weren’t healthy, and years of learning new skills and ways to have healthy relationships.
Abusive parents failed you, and that breaks the parent/child contract/relationship. You owe them nothing.
she did a decent job at keeping me alive.
If she hadn’t, she would have been legally responsible for not doing so. Children need more than physical needs met.
They need security, stability, trustable people, and emotional and mental health needs met. Good parenting requires more than the minimum. Abusive parents will frequently do the minimum and want rewards for it when they did it for themselves, not for their children.
She’s been saying that I’m a jerk for not wanting to be her personal maid when she’s older.
Nope. You are a responsible adult, seeing that her treatment of you was not right and was instead filled with injustices. You aren’t looking for repayment for the way you were treated, and you aren’t looking for her to even acknowledge that her behaviors towards you have been wrong for so long, you are looking for freedom and respect.
You need healing and the space and time to do so. You owe her nothing, not least because her treatment of you has been very wrong.
Your mother is very wrong. You are not responsible. It’s okay to not talk to her for a while if she’s going to say such things to you.
You deserve better from a parent. You deserve to be treated with respect.” blueberryyogurtcup
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Children are not a retirement plan.
Your mum’s claims that she deserves ‘repayment’ for all the years she lost being pregnant with you is absurd. She chose to get pregnant.
No child/person chooses to be born. She took care of you like she is required to do by law.
Parents have kids, and then think the kids owe them something. Just… no no no no no. Parents have legal obligations and responsibilities.
Children have rights. Her doing a ‘decent job of keeping you alive’ is what she is required to do by law because she chose to have you.
There is nothing wrong with you wanting to have your own life and make your own decisions (just like she did).
You are NTJ for not wanting to be her personal maid. And as someone who took care of her grandmother before she passed away, and is now taking care of my mum in old age while she is unwell, it is a huge burden that can be soul-destroying and life-altering and suck the spirit out of you.
Even more so if it doesn’t come from a place of love and desire to help.
If you wanted to do something for her, maybe start a small savings fund to help her find a retirement or nursing home for when the time comes.
However, given your mum is 42, she should also be doing that herself. If it were me, I would make it clear that you are not able to comply with her desire to take care of her and advise her that she better start saving to have someone else look after her.
Also, just remembered in your post you said you have siblings. Tell her that one of them better be on board with this idea, because you are not. She has 9 other kids, so one of them can do it if they feel moved to do so.
NTJ and don’t let her dictate your life.” User
14. AITJ For Not Going To A Family Vacation Without My Fiancé?
“I (F, 26) and my fiancé (M, 26) have been together for over 5 years and recently got engaged. We own a house, cars, and animals together. My fiancé and I have a great relationship – no fights, no breakups, good relationships with family members, etc.
I have somewhat of a strained relationship with my family (father + stepmother) due to unresolved issues from the past. Regardless, I am typically invited on a yearly family vacation as we live far away from each other and this serves as the only week we (father, stepmother + two siblings) can all get together to do something.
After getting engaged this year, my father and stepmother invited me on their yearly family vacation over Christmas, a holiday that I have yet to spend with my fiancé as both of our parents are divorced/live elsewhere, so we typically divide and conquer.
This vacation is also celebrating my father’s milestone birthday, so it is very important to them.
My father and stepmother emphasized that this was ‘the last family vacation’ since we had such a hard time getting schedules lined up. My father was adamant about just spending his vacation with his ‘family’ so no significant others were invited.
If my fiancé was invited, we had no expectation of requiring them to pay for him—we have the finances to pay our own way, it just would’ve been nice for them to extend the invite as other family members have always included long-term SOs on vacations.
I politely declined to go on vacation on the grounds that my fiancé was not included and I would like to spend the holiday with him. This has caused a riff and my father is angry that I denied him his ‘one birthday request.’ This has since spiraled into bigger issues that have resurfaced.
AITJ for declining on the grounds that my soon-to-be husband was not extended an invitation?”
Another User Comments:
“Parents should understand that once you have a wife, or in your case soon to be wife, the partner becomes part of the family and that when we choose to marry someone and have kids, they become the number one priority, mother and father comes in 3rd place! It’s the natural course of life! People are too attached to their children and raise them to be forever dependent on them.
You choose well in not going. NTJ” Khatarine
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. They presented that as the people controlling the vacation they have the right to disrespect your relationship and refer to the person who you are entertaining your life with and making your family as not your family.
And also an invitation is not a summons you’re allowed to refuse them in general, but the reason you declined this particular invitation is that it came to a bad place and you were not wrong to point that out.
Your father coming at you with anger is basically saying that because you are bucking his demand for control, for you to demean your partner, and devalue your relationship, you are wrong in him, tells you what he values.” JCBashBash
Another User Comments:
“It was an invitation.
An invitation gets to have two possible answers: Acceptance, or Regrets.
You responded with regrets. Typically, it is considered a polite response, and not one that you are supposed to have to justify.
Your reason is valid, and it’s your business. They wanted to know, you told them.
Once they knew the reason for your regrets, they could easily have changed the invitation and included partners. Pretty easy to do.
They chose not to do this because it was more important to them to have the party they want, rather than to have the people they want.
(Makes me wonder what they are planning that they don’t want partners to witness or hear.)
They don’t have the right to make royal decrees over your life. Their behavior makes it sound like their invitation isn’t an invitation at all, but a demand.
This has caused a riff and my father is angry that I denied him his ‘one birthday request.’
This rift is entirely at your father’s/parent’s insistence. It’s not your fault that he won’t accept your right to make decisions about your life.
His one birthday request isn’t guaranteed. You aren’t a child, and he’s not in charge of you or your life. Again, like an invitation, a request has two possible answers: yes and no. If he’s not prepared to hear ‘no’, he’s not viewing it as a request, but as a demand.
And he doesn’t have that right.
His anger about this is his issue to handle, not yours. You don’t deserve his anger, as you didn’t do wrong here. His expectations are unrealistic, and he is disrespecting the reality of your life.” blueberryyogurtcup
13. AITJ For Calling Out A Bully?
“So I (f14) attend a small k-8th school in Ohio. For some reason, the school does not have special classes for people with learning disabilities, so that means kids with mental/physical disabilities are mixed in with students without them. That makes kids with disabilities easy targets.
I was during my lunch period when I noticed a boy sitting alone. I approached him and asked if he was okay, and he replied with a head nod. We began speaking about video games, books, music, and etc. Eventually, I ended up giving him my Roblox username so we could play together.
I don’t usually check my Roblox messages because I do not get many, as 90% of the people I have added are friends or family members who I can call instead of texting within the app. When I checked it, ofc it was him.
He texted me for multiple hours at a time, and I would’ve been fine with it if he hadn’t started calling me names I was not comfortable with, such as ‘sweetcakes’, ‘baby’, ‘my forever’, ‘my love’, etc… I confronted him about it in the nicest way possible, but he continued, so I started ignoring him and giving him signs to back off.
This only led to him harassing me about it, and I wrote him a note, telling him to stop and that I was not comfortable. He turned to me and shook his head ‘No’, so then I walked out of the classroom and went to the dean.
I showed the dean our messages, and the harassment I was receiving from the boy, and he called him to his office to talk to him about it. He came back to the classroom sobbing, and the school counselor called me out and told me he had a learning disability.
She was too loud and everyone heard. His harassment continued by him gaslighting me for rejecting him, so I told him off and blocked him on everything. I was on the phone with my friend while I was doing it, and it got around the school.
Everyone was calling me a witch for hurting his feelings like that, knowing he has a special disability.
I responded by saying that his having learning disabilities did not give him an excuse to harass me, but I can’t help but think about whether or not I went too far…
So AITJ?
Edit: I was not implying that kids with special abilities should be isolated from other students just because of their abilities. I actually was not implying anything except for the fact that people with special abilities should be given a little more sympathy for such acts, but should also be taught that it is wrong.
My mom and sister have disabilities, and the last thing I would do is protest against kids with disabilities combining themselves with kids without them.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ NTJ NTJ
You did the right thing. A person’s disability does NOT give them the right to harass you or make you uncomfortable.
You told him you were uncomfortable and asked him to stop privately. He didn’t listen and your counselor is the one who made the whole school aware, not you. I’m sorry that you’re dealing with this, but the idea that women are responsible for how men feel is something that is still very prevalent in society.
Just know you did the right thing and if another boy does this to you, take the same steps.” Anxious_Ravenclaw
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You were not mean or mocking. You were honest and provided him with a really important social learning experience.
The ADULT EDUCATORS in the situation should be scaffolding that for him so he can understand. Instead, this woman who yelled at you infantilized him and was ableist. Making adjustments and exceptions for disabled children should enable them to engage appropriately in their education/social environment – not bypass their learning or others’ safety from harassment.” lobsterp0t
Another User Comments:
“You are so NTJ.
In fact, I would report/complain about how your counselor handled this situation. Not only did they break confidentiality, but they are also teaching others that disabled people can do what they like with no consequence and that everyone should just go with it.
The boy clearly misunderstood the situation and you did right by politely telling him to stop. You did right by reporting it after he did not listen. Some can then explain to him why what he did was wrong and why it is unacceptable before it went any worse.
You did him a favor despite what some think.
I have grown up dealing with family members and close friends being neurodiverse. What you understand clearly (better than most adults) is that having learning difficulties does not make you an invalid. Sure sometimes you have to explain more in-depth but people with learning difficulties are not stupid, delayed, or otherwise. They just on occasion need a little more support to understand certain subjects. You went around this respectfully and did your best to avoid the final result.
OP you did well. Don’t let people tell you differently.” Useful_Beautiful_256
12. AITJ For Expecting My Partner To Share With The Rent?
“My partner and I have been together for a year and we want to move in together. We want a 2 bedroom 1 bath apartment or townhouse near my work. I’m a 2nd-year pathology resident and my residency is 5 years long.
She works from home and wants an office. She also makes 120k and I only make 68k. So our rent is $1800/month + utilities and she wants to go half on both rent and utilities so we would both pay roughly 1000 a month.
Because she is using one of the rooms as her office I feel like she should pay more so I should pay $700 and she should pay $1300. She thinks even if she is using an extra room because living near the hospital is very expensive I should pay half because we could get a cheaper place if I don’t live near work.
She thinks is because we are paying more to live near my work so I don’t have to pay for gas I should pay half for rent. I find she’s being selfish because she makes much more than mean, and once I complete my residency I can easily make $350k a year or more.
But according to her, it’s not fair for her to wait 3 years to ‘potentially get paid back’ because we could break up and she would have ‘subsidized’ me. To me, if she isn’t willing to pay a bit more to put some skin in the game she’s being a gold digger and waiting for me to make bank without giving anything in the first place.
We argued about this a few times and I just want to know if I’m crazy in my thinking or if she’s being selfish.”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here
First of all, your gf IS willing to pay ‘her share’ of the rent.
You just don’t agree on what that is. And that’s fair – there should be some discussion about this, and you both have valid points.
I’m in a very similar position to your partner as I am also interested in moving into a place where I can have my own home office, and I 100% expect that if I have roommates I will pay proportionally since I’ll be taking two rooms.
However… They say three things matter in real estate: Location, Location, and Location.
What neighborhood, area, nearby stores/facilities, etc. are available is a MASSIVE factor in the quality of life and how desirable a home is.
Asking your partner to pay $1300 a month, and YOU choose the location is a pretty raw deal for her.
I don’t know if I would agree to it.
But in principle, you’re correct that she should be paying more – if not because of her disproportionate income, then at least because she wants two rooms.
Your remark about ‘skin in the game’ comes off as pretty jerk-ish because this isn’t an investment from her – this is her life, her ongoing quality of life, where she lives, and how much she pays in bills.
If things don’t work out with you, she can’t sell all that she invested and get her money back. Partners should support each other, but in what ways are you supporting her? What compromises have you offered her to make your demands more bearable?
You want her to pay more in rent, you want her to live where it’s convenient for you, you want her to…
wait three years for you to pay her back? That’s more than enough time for you to break up, on amicable terms or not.
It sounds like you guys aren’t ready for this level of commitment, and that’s okay. No jerks here, even though suggesting your partner is a gold digger is a jerk move.
You’re the one who wants to move in with a roommate to subsidize your hopes of living in an expensive area…” elsecrytt
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You guys are only living near your work because of you. The rent is that high because of you.
If you don’t want to pay $1000 for rent, find somewhere cheaper. Pay the commute. This is not her being selfish. She doesn’t need the apartment near the hospital, does she?
Furthermore, you guys are living there together. 50/50. You get over 5k a month, why is $1k for a living situation so terrible? It doesn’t matter how much you will make LATER or how much you make now.
She isn’t the one sounding like the gold digger. She has no way of telling what the future holds.
If you don’t like it, get your apartment and pay for the entire thing yourself.” onedayatatime08
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
An equitable split would be for each of you to pay proportional to your income.
And living close to where you work, especially given the hours required in what you do, is the best way to maximize the time the two of you can have together.
But the more important thing here is how she views this versus how you view this.
Because this is a glimpse of how the two of you will work together (or not) on financial issues in a marriage. And it sounds like you have a LOT of talking to do to get on the same page. The number one thing that breaks up a marriage is disagreement over how to handle finances.
The time to think about that and figure it out is now.” The-Answer-Is-57
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Just the disagreement over rent splitting I’d say neither of you is a jerk. In my opinion, you both have reasonable perspectives, and you should talk to a financial planner or other expert and come to a resolution that suits you both.
The fact that you jump to accusing her of being a gold digger due to this reasonable difference of opinions makes you a huge jerk. If you want her to subsidize the rest of your residency on the chance that you’ll be the bigger contributor later, then get married now with a prenup that ensures she gets something back on her investment if you break up. Otherwise, she’s right, you’re selfish.” LovitzInTheYear2000
11. AITJ For Feeling Like My Brother Sold Me Like A Prized Cow?
“Before my husband became my husband, my brother borrowed a lot of money from him and his family because my dad had made a lot of poor financial decisions before he died that left my brother no choice. My brother and husband had a falling out which resulted in my in-laws demanding all of the money back immediately.
I don’t know if he was joking or not, but my husband told my brother that he would forgive the loan if I married him. According to my husband, my brother agreed before he even spoke to me but my brother denies it and said he told him that it was my choice.
He did actually ask and convince me to say yes, though.
My younger sister is getting married soon and it’s brought all of this back for me. I mentioned it to my brother and he said I was happy so it shouldn’t matter but I told him it felt like he sold me like a prized cow.
Now he’s really upset with me and barely says two words to me since in his eyes that isn’t what happened at all. My sister-in-law told me my brother is really beating himself up over this and I shouldn’t have said that to him.
My husband agrees with her so AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You feel that way because that’s exactly what happened. How convenient that the people who orchestrated this and benefited the most are the ones telling you you’re wrong.
Your brother got his debt liability removed.
His wife is now able to enjoy her life without debt hanging over her head. Your husband got to marry you. Never take advice on a situation from those who benefit the most from it.
If you’re happily married, good. But don’t let them take away your right to be upset at how that happened and who it truly benefited at the time.” pizzaisapie69
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Your brother is upset because it is unfortunately true that he sold you off to pay his debt.
Maybe not in a literal sense, but he convinced you to marry someone to help the family (pay off a debt). And you agreed to marry someone to help the family (relieve your brother’s stress from the husband). You just didn’t know money was involved, you probably thought your brother wouldn’t ask and try to convince you unless it was for everyone’s good.
You don’t seem ‘happy’ in this marriage, just ok and going along with it. The husband and SIL are trying to make you AGAIN feel bad for your brother so you’ll stay and not divorce. Chances are this situation and feeling you have will continue to come up because you probably feel fooled out of what you wanted to do for yourself at that time, not being able to go through a normal courtship, or not having a real say in a very important part of your life.
If you love your husband, and you plan to stay, you all need to have a sit-down and talk this out. This may include your brother paying back the money to prove it wasn’t about forgiving his debt. But they need to be honest and apologize and possibly explain themselves.
Especially your husband. He didn’t have to take this route to marry you. What made him think this was ok? You didn’t seem against the idea of going out with him in the past if he had shown interest in you.
What stopped him from pursuing you by asking you on a date rather than this ‘deal’ with your brother?
If you aren’t committed to this relationship, it may be time to put yourself first and make one of two decisions: stay and make it work, or leave and do what’s best for you.
You can forgive your brother and husband, and start fresh moving towards a loving relationship. Or make a plan to leave and live your life how you truly want.
I’m all for helping family, but that should never impede on your life goals and should always be done with honesty and respect.
What they did was wrong, plain and simple and they need to be accountable for their actions.” Glum_Hamster_1076
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your brother & husband of course want you to forget but they were the deal makers – you were the merchandise.
Your brother did sell you to your husband – if he hadn’t he wouldn’t have said it didn’t matter because you are happy & he is beating himself about it.
Personally, I would demand your brother pay you the amount he was forgiven & you should put it away for your future – then you will know if you are with your husband because you want to be & if not then you have the means to leave.
I can’t begin to imagine what or how you feel but my heart is broken for you & I am sending hugs cuz I wish I could hug you for real.” Awesomekidsmom
10. AITJ For Discussing My Frustrations With My Husband?
“My husband (30M) and me (26F) have been together for 7 years. We have a great relationship majority of the time, we recently got married and we even have a 4-year-old child together.
I must mention that I suffer from frequent migraines, and maybe I get a fever probably once or twice a year when the weather breaks.
Every time that I am sick so is my husband. With every migraine, he’s miraculously sick and has to stay home. Sometimes, it almost feels like a competition about who is the worst off.
An example of this is when I had keyhole surgery at the start of this year to remove a very large ovarian cyst that had twisted my ovary.
It was relatively a traumatic experience and one of the worst pains I had ever experienced. Yet, my husband could not allow me to be the only one suffering. Suddenly he was feeling weak, and could ‘barely stand’. Yet, the day after I returned home from my surgery, he made a miraculous recovery and was going to football training like nothing happened.
However, then proceeded to get unwell straight after training had finished. I did call him out on this, but he said he did not want to discuss it as he cannot help feeling how he feels.
Another memory that sticks out is that I remember when my little one was a newborn, I got mastitis which came with a fever due to infection.
Then suddenly, my husband was sick and was bedridden, so he was ‘unable to take care of little one, just in case he gave his illness to her’. I just accepted this and got on with it.
However, today was the final straw.
I had woken up with a migraine and called into work sick. I intended to sleep all day and just rest. However, my husband rang me every hour to tell me that he is unwell and that he thinks he should come home.
My husband was completely fine until I informed him that I was sick and not actually going to work. This time, I actually ended up losing it with him. I said that I need some space as I need to rest, so if he is unwell then he can go to his parents to rest and come home when he feels better.
I also called him out on always saying he is sick when I am. My husband got really upset with me about all of this and told me that I am being really insensitive as he cannot help being unwell at the same time as me and that I am childish to think he would say that he is unwell just because I am.
He also said that as he feels we do not spend as much time together like we did before we had a child, he finds this is the best time to do so as we are at home without the little one.
I told him that I like to be by myself when I was unwell, and he said that was selfish and ended the call. I tried to ring him back when I calmed down, but he is now ignoring my calls.
Of course, I can understand people can be sick at the same time, but it is every time I am sick. I feel bad as I really did go in on him. I do not know if I am being a petty jerk for getting so worked up about this, when maybe all he wants to do is spend time with me and that I should be grateful.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
He might have a psychosomatic reaction to you being sick (meaning he actually does feel sick, but he doesn’t have anything) in which case he should get professional help to work on that. But to be honest, it just sounds like he can’t stand you being in the ‘weaker’ position in the relationship – which implies he would be taking care of you, if he was a good partner – and does this deliberately.
The fact he let you deal with a small baby while having a fever from mastitis (I had it, and I know how painful it can be), tells me he simply wants to make sure he’s always in the position of the one being taken care of, or at the very least excused from taking care of you.
He’s a jerk one way or the other. Don’t apologize and don’t give in. When he stops the childish behavior of freezing you out, demand to have a proper conversation about this with him and for him to seek help if he actually believes he’s sick every time you are.” Jolly_Tooth_7274
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
These are really weird ‘coincidences’ and I think anyone would feel exhausted by them.
I was trying to ponder why he’d do this. There’s no real knowing, but a hypochondriac who sets himself off when he is reminded of illness & rest days? At worst, is this about one-upping you (egotistically), some deep-rooted desire to be cared for, or a way to control (e.g.
preventing your rest time as he needs looking after more)? Purely some sort of jealous ‘I want the excuse for the day off too’ scenario? It’s quite strange though and the bottom line is that he doesn’t seem to mind how disconcerting this is for you or how much stress it can add when you’re already unwell with the care he ‘needs’.
Your suggestion that he should rest up elsewhere was good. He needs to show a willingness to help you to recover otherwise this looks much worse on him.” junglemice
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This dude is super manipulative and unsupportive of you. You need to look at the fact that he’s now icing you out and having you running to him to apologize.
When did this pattern start?
You have been manipulated by this man for far too long that you have this much history of this pattern. You absolutely have confirmation that he’s doing this on purpose and that he is actively choosing to not support you when you are sick.
You should not only be upset about it, like many other people who come on here and have abusive relationships, you should be trying to get out of this relationship for not only your sake but your child’s. Don’t stay with a man who is not your partner and has you crawling around feeling like a villain when you had surgery and he actively shows not to help you during that recovery. Like that is some basic family assistance, it’s wrong that he wasn’t there for you.” JCBashBash
9. AITJ For Being Mad At My Wife For Sending Funds To Her Brother?
“My wife and I have been married for 6 years. We have careers, and we both bring in a lot of money. I’m telling you this because I want to make it abundantly clear that money isn’t the problem here.
My BIL is a great guy, but he’s had his fair share of hardship.
He had a bad upbringing riddled with intense emotional abuse from his various stepmothers, and not fitting in with school. He got into illegal stuff, smoking, and drinking at a young age. He keeps getting arrested for petty things and the fines were piling up.
Her parents originally funded this lifestyle but have since cut him off because they couldn’t financially handle it anymore. We all thought he might finally learn to not get into trouble and would get his life together a little bit. I also feel like it’s relevant to mention he’s 8 years older than her.
She’s been giving him roughly $1000 every month for the past 6 months. I knew he had come to her to ask for money a while ago, but she told me she wouldn’t give him any money.
It’s also relevant to note that my wife has mental health problems.
She feels worthless and unworthy of love if she isn’t providing constantly for the people around her. She’s been in therapy for 2 years, and I thought she had been making progress.
She is very sensitive and easily manipulated. I called him and basically blew up at him for exploiting his little sister, knowing about her mental health and insecurities.
He blew up back, saying that he needs the funds because he was in a financial rut. I told him he wouldn’t be in a rut if he screwed his head on straight, and to stop asking her for her money because we all know he won’t pay her back.
I also told him it isn’t her responsibility to pick up his messes for him, and that he should be ashamed of himself for using the funds she gave him on booze and smoke when he swore up and down it was for rent and car payments.
It infuriates me that her kindness was taken advantage of and I don’t regret saying what I said to her brother, but her entire family is furious with me and urging her to reconsider her relationship with me because I was insensitive.
They’re also upset with me for trying to be a wedge between her and her family, which is absolutely not my intention, but I see how it could be taken that way. Finally, the thing they’re most angry about is me getting involved with ‘their family’.
She is going to meet with her brother to discuss some options to help him in alternative ways. I suggested rehab, and that I would even finance it myself to show that I do genuinely care about him and his needs too.
I just care about my wife more.
However, their claims are getting to me. I don’t feel bad for yelling at her brother, but should I?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your BIL knows that your wife is an easy mark, and is absolutely exploiting her.
I get where people are saying ‘you should’ve spoken with your wife,’ but it sounds like she was raised in a family of enablers and needs to continue working on her normal meter before she’s going to have the tools to stand up for herself.
Good on you for having her back.
Suggestions for the brother convo to see if he’s operating in any kind of good faith: instead of just handing him $1K in cash every month, offer something specific that you can pay for directly.
Rehab is good, also try a one-time debt payoff or tuition to a trade program. If he turns something like that down, the cash spigot should be turned off.” DinoSnuggler
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, $6k from your household income is no small thing.
In my household, we have to speak to each other about purchases over $300. If I spent $6k on enabling a jerk BIL you can be sure my marriage would be in big trouble. You at least let your BIL know he’s a jerk in this circumstance to take advantage of your wife.
Also, any IL family that thinks it’s ok that this jerk BIL damages your family makes them the jerk also. Will they repay the $6k to make your family whole, or will they take over the $1k payments to your jerk BIL, if not, they have no opinion in the matter?” coloradogrown85
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for trying to protect and stand up for your wife who is being taken advantage of.
I think that would infuriate a lot of people. It’s like she’s been hit by a scam artist in a way and with her inability to say no without feeling worthless, that is… not a good spot to be in. How much could he take her for? It’s her money but that money will go towards something for your family or her and shouldn’t be going to a brother taking advantage of her.
Since she’s relieved I’d say NTJ for that too. Yall really need to have a sit-down and discuss how you’re going to handle situations like this as a couple so she’s not taken advantage of but you’re not seen as controlling of her money.” herdingcats2020
8. AITJ For Braiding My Stepdaughter's Hair?
“I (29f) have been married to my husband (29) for 2 years. He has a 7-year-old daughter from a previous relationship and we also have an 11-month-old daughter together. My husband and his ex aren’t on good terms, because she’s very controlling and a bit crazy.
I, therefore, have never had contact with her. I’ve never spoken to her and don’t have her contact info. Everything regarding his daughter goes through email or his attorney.
I’m Afro-Caribbean, and my husband and his daughter are white. I often braid my 11-month olds hair with beads on the end of her hair.
My stepdaughter had been constantly asking if she could have the same hairstyle as her sister. I told her no every time, but last Thursday she told me she wanted beads like her sister, so they could be real sisters. It really touched my heart and didn’t want her to feel left out.
I braided two front pieces of her hair. She was beaming with joy, it made her absolutely ecstatic to finally have her sister’s hairstyle.
I wanted to take the braids out before she went back to her mom, but she refused and became very upset.
My husband told me it was okay, and her mother will take it out. Her mother was not okay with me braiding her hair and we received an angry email from her. In the email, she wrote that she had to cut off her hair because she couldn’t take the beads out.
She also threatened to call cps on us and take full custody. I feel really guilty for braiding her hair. Her mother cut her hair and it’s my fault, should’ve never braided her hair without her mom’s permission. She probably doesn’t know how to take out these types of hairstyles and I should’ve known that.
on the other hand, I couldn’t force her to take them out. It of course also would’ve sucked if I took out the braids against her will. I feel really sorry for her and my husband. They absolutely don’t deserve to go through this again.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She cut her child’s hair because she wanted to fight with her ex-husband and her husband’s new partner. Even if the braids were hard to take off does she live like a caveperson that she has no access to the internet? Could she not have called you to ask or could she not have called her child’s father to ask? This person is someone who uses her child as a tool to make her ex-husband’s life miserable simply because she is no longer in his life.
Let her call CPS they will take her child away from her for cutting her hair, and for trying to use her as a weapon against her father. She is bluffing.
A good parent cares about their child she is talking with her hurt ego as a woman because she no longer has this man in her life.
Don’t think too much about it. Talk to your husband and if necessary get a good lawyer. Your stepdaughter was vocal enough to ask for braids so she can say what happened. Also, there is no doubt her mother is telling her that your child is not her real sibling.
Assure her that they are real sisters. Would there be a possible racist undertone to this as well? Just make sure that she is okay and really give her love and communicate a lot with your husband about this because you never know with people that are bitter about things they cannot have.
This has nothing to do with you or the child it has more to do with her and her ex-husband.” ChimiJae123
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Also, she did not need to cut the entire braid out. If she was really so stupid she couldn’t figure out how a hair tie worked she could have cut the hair just above the tie and unbraided it from there.
Daughter would have lost maybe an inch in length. Cutting the entire braids out was deliberate and malicious. She was mad that daughter had wants and feelings about people other than her, the braids were a symbol of that, and so they must be destroyed and the daughter punished.
It was intentional and malicious and not your fault.” SheepPup
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Yes, you should have asked permission before changing their little one’s hairstyle. But threatening to call CPS on you was a wild and insanely violent overreaction. Your husband’s ex clearly hates and wishes you ill.
Cut off contact with her to whatever extent is possible, as I guarantee she will do whatever she can to hurt you and your daughter. I would not be surprised if jealousy is involved. You said it yourself – she’s controlling.
Do not trust her. Do not engage with her to any extent more than what you are required to by the terms of whatever custody arrangement is in place.
I’m sorry you’re stuck dealing with her for the next 11 years. Good luck and I hope she’s not able to act on her threats.” ProfN42
7. AITJ For Turning Off The Security Camera?
“About 4 years ago when my husband of 10 + years and I bought our house, we got a security system. Included in the bundle was an indoor-only camera. While I liked the idea of having it monitor for movement when we weren’t home/sleeping, my husband wanted it on all the time, even while we were home.
This made me somewhat uncomfortable but I came around to the idea. We’d use it almost like a baby monitor to check on our 3 and 6-year-olds when we were in the bathroom and heard crying or whatever. Our 3-year-old was non-verbal at the time and sometimes his older brother would craft up some crazy story as to how he got hurt.
We’d occasionally use the camera to figure out what time we put the pizza in the oven if we forgot to start a timer or to figure out who stole the cookies from the cookie jar.
Anyways, fast forward to a couple of months ago.
One day I’m chilling at home by myself while the kiddos were at school and I just kinda realized it’s weird to have a camera recording me chilling and watching shows. So I turned it off. I’ve mentioned multiple times that I don’t think we need the cameras on, but in retrospect, I should have had a convo with him before turning it off.
This made my husband upset. Now if I turn it off, he turns it back on.
We’ve had multiple conversations about it. I feel like the kids are old enough now that we don’t need to monitor them like this anymore. And using a camera to prove/disprove their honesty is not the best parenting.
But he wants the camera on 24/7… even if we both are right there watching the kids. But I feel like that argument is an uphill battle. So I simply don’t want the camera recording me when I’m home alone or when it’s just me and our kids.
He claims that my not wanting the camera on is not respecting him as head of the household and he will repeatedly turn it on anytime I turn it off. If he’s at home then he notices it’s off right away.
If he’s at work he’ll turn it on in a few hours (no, it doesn’t notify him that it was turned off). I feel like it’s weird and controlling. But I don’t have any other good reason for not wanting it on.
He wants to still use it to monitor the kids and use to figure out what time something happened. Sometimes he’ll use it for things like helping the kids figure out where they put their book when they got home or something.
We live in a pretty safe area and have a doorbell camera too, so I don’t think home invasion while we’re home is his concern (he’s not mentioned that as a reason). His opposition to me turning it off when I’m home alone is that then I don’t turn it back on, so there’s no footage if we ‘need’ to look back.
AITJ? Should I let this go?
Edited to update: I confronted him for turning it on while I was home alone yesterday and then turned it off while the 4 of us sat down for dinner. He’s now removed me from the account and I can’t turn off the camera.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
You deserve better than to be treated like a misbehaving child.
This is classically the toxic Latter Day Saints’ flavor of masculinity, if I may take a well-educated stab in the dark based on ‘head of household’, paternalistic monitoring, and the fact that you only go a few places of which church is one.
Your husband and the church won’t give that autonomy to you. The church will actively prevent you from advocating for yourself. You will have to take what you deserve, and that means realizing first that you deserve to be treated like a whole adult.
You. Deserve. To Be Treated. Like. An. Adult.” LadyMacGuffin
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. No, absolutely not, but I fear you’re not taking this as seriously as you should. This is NOT normal or healthy behavior. I was genuinely concerned that your husband might always be this controlling (and most likely abusive to some extent) but was willing to admit that perhaps there was some more information reading until I then read your comment about how he got upset with you for shutting it off and said you don’t respect him as head of the household.
There are so many red flags here, and I’m confident this is just a small piece of a much bigger issue in your relationship. It’s time to put your foot down, and if you’re going to stay in this marriage then counseling needs to happen.
I was willing to consider there was a reason for him wanting the cameras on at all times, but you’ve made it perfectly clear that this is a control issue, and that’s genuinely horrifying. And let me be clear, behavior like this always tends to escalate.
I’m sure emotional abuse has already taken place in your marriage, but I fear it getting physical. Please, PLEASE be careful. If there are other things going on, or he keeps harping on this nonsense, please start working on an exit plan.
Not just for your sake, but always for your children.” Tricky-Flamingo-7491
Another User Comments:
“NTJ: It’s about privacy, respect, entitlement, and consent.
Privacy: Depending on how much of the house is converted, you don’t get a right to privacy in your own home. Being surveilled constantly has been proven to cause intense emotional and mental damage, there’s a reason they use reflective windows in interrogation rooms.
Respect: He doesn’t respect your comfort, mental/emotional safety, or desires/needs. He also doesn’t respect your children’s psyche & development. How do you imagine they will grow up while constantly under watch in their own home during their childhood/growing phases? Sure when they’re young enough they probably won’t notice, but if you/they stay with him and his demands into adulthood, you can be sure they will not spend a minute more than they have to in that house or as a family.
Especially since I doubt he’d respect their desires when he can’t even manage that for his partner.
Entitlement: Getting to the root of it, he feels entitled to your privacy, your image, your activities/movements, and yourself whenever he so pleases, with ‘punishments’ (arguments, threats, intimidation, etc) when you don’t submit/comply with his desires (orders).
And consent: You are telling him you don’t consent to be recorded/viewed remotely, and he is violating your consent. In many areas, that is a crime. Not only that, but breaking consent in this context could only lead to feelings of anxiety, paranoia, hyper-vigilance, distrust, and doubt in your own home.
Adding the fact they are always on leaves you in an incredibly, increasingly vulnerable position.
Overall, even if he is ‘just’ acting on his own anxiety about his family’s physical safety and security, he is ignoring, dismissing, and damaging your actual wellbeings.
That being said, this insistence is a massive attack against your family’s future. Whether he thinks he has ‘good intentions’, he thinks he has a right to control, monitor, and hurt his family, or he is having an affair and keeping tabs on you, this is not okay.
Unless you can come to a resolution that you truly believe he understands why this is wrong and he works on his own issues, you and your kids are not safe. Nor will you have a future that isn’t full of fear and trauma for your kids.
If you can’t walk away for yourself and your violated consent, think about your children and do it for them. How long would he leave your home under this prison-like surveillance? I’d bet until your kids turn 18 and never speak to you again until CPS is called until he snaps when something ticks him off, or until you defend your children and put a stop to it (via getting rid of the cameras or leaving him).
Please take your next steps carefully, wishing you good fortune and better safety.” CosmicCoasting
6. AITJ For Not Wanting To Attend Church Meetings Anymore?
“So I (m28) and my wife (f26) got married 2 years ago, my wife moved countries as we had been in LDR before that.
My wife proposed that we would be part of a church she had attended in her home country.
They upload their service online. We also would have a weekly video call with the pastor and another couple that moved countries. Quickly we added that each of us would have a one-on-one with the couple (I with the husband, and my wife with the wife).
The focus of the meetings quickly went to converting more people, bringing in other people, etc. I responded that I don’t feel comfortable doing that, I am autistic, and speaking to others about personal matters is always difficult for me. The responses to that were in general that ‘God can speak through me’ or ‘with faith, anything is possible’ etc.
I brought this up with my wife, and I don’t feel comfortable but she says that as a good Christian I should want to spread the good word to others. So I told her that I won’t do that, that if converting would be the main focus that I would be a silent participant, I know the church is important to her so I want to attend together.
Recently I started getting into unrelated fights with my father, my wife brought this up in the meetings and they were certain that ‘the light of Christ’ would change my father and that if we manage to convert him that all will be well.
I simply told her I don’t have the intention to try and convert my family, she defended the pastor by saying my family will be better if they get into God’s light.
The fights with my father escalated and caused me to seek out a psychologist.
My wife suggested I bring these problems up with my mentor in my one-on-one. It started pretty fine but then he urged me that it is important that the professional helping me is a Christian as to avoid someone straying me from the faith.
After this, he added that the situation is an opportunity and that converting and changing my father would be a testament to God’s greater power.
This was sort of the last straw, my wife agreed with me that the faith of my psychologist shouldn’t matter and that converting my father is not a priority at the moment.
But I feel like I don’t want a part in it at all anymore, I know it’s important to my wife but it keeps coming back to the same thing that I am not willing to do.
Update: I talked to my wife, long conversation but we will stop attending meetings.
I made it clear to my wife that I support her wishes to continue but she chose to quit the church together with me. We will now try to find a church that fits better with our needs and wishes.”
Another User Comments:
“So cults have this thing where they make their members proselytize to non-believers and it’s not really to convert new members cos it sucks as a method for that, it’s cos it separates their members from non-members by making true believers mostly have conversations with non-believers when the non-believers are being harassed and so are thus kinda rude and aggressive.
Some Christian groups do this thing. You’re not wrong to find it weird or uncomfortable or isolating, that is basically the function of it.
NTJ” Zealousideal-Toe1860
Another User Comments:
“Converting anyone who doesn’t want or isn’t interested in converting to any religion is NOT EVER a priority.
I don’t know if you were religious or not before meeting/marrying your wife, but you both seem to have wildly different views when it comes to faith. You do not have to attend any church meetings unless you want to. You’re not obligated to attend these meetings.
I would suggest marriage counseling with an actual counselor, not a pastor, his wife, or someone from the church, but it might be hard to convince your wife to do so. But something will need to be worked out about this.
You can support her faith and not be an active participant, but you will need to iron out any details about what is expected from each other regarding this and how any potential children will be raised.
NTJ” HunterDangerous1366
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
I feel like you and I are going to the same church.
Is your church affiliated with a movement that has a number, in any way?
I don’t blame you for feeling that way. You are not the only one who got disillusioned after being involved in a congregation that seems more focused on increasing membership rather than nurturing the faith of their flock.
If you don’t feel comfortable in that church, you are free to seek another that would help your faith grow rather than one that keeps prodding you to engage in activities that you are not comfortable with.” PacifistWarFreak
5. AITJ For Checking On My Kid?
“My kid is in 3rd grade, I drop her off every morning and at her request, I hang out outside the gated area until her teacher comes and they walk into class. We usually arrive very close to when the bell rings.
Today, as most mornings, my kid went to the cafeteria when she got to school and grabbed some food. She walked over her to her line with her food and was in line eating when her teacher arrived and told her to put it away.
I saw a brief exchange, then I saw the teacher’s hand reaching for my kid’s yogurt, which she then snatched out of my kid’s hands and told her she could have it back at snack time. I was a bit taken aback by this, but still in observation mode, when my kid dropped her head and started sobbing.
She turned to see if I was still there, I was, I knew what kind of morning she had and I felt bad so I waved her over to come to the fence and talk to me about it.
I’m outside of the gate surrounded by parents, my kid is sobbing because her yogurt just got snatched out of her hands, I had hardly gotten a word in when the teacher (who must bolt all the way across the blacktop), shows up, ignores my presence and tries coaxing my kid into class while my kid is ignoring her and trying to tell me what happened.
I looked at the teacher and said, can I just talk to her for a minute where I’m not surrounded by parents? She came at me with the rudest tone and said, she has to go to class! And she is holding the yogurt as far away from my kid and myself as she can, and I’m like no I want to talk to her and she snaps she’s going to have to come in through the office and then storms off.
What?!
The facts: I don’t agree with the teacher taking the yogurt, BUT, I had no intention of challenging her on it.
Mornings are rough in our house, my kid is not a morning person, she had just turned her morning around only to have it flipped back over.
I waved my kid over because she was really upset and I wanted to make sure she was ok and reinforce that she was going to get her yogurt back at snack and then send her on her way.
This is the everyday routine, get to school, go to the cafeteria, and get in line for food.
I’ve seen the teacher ask her to put it away before and she complies.
The gray areas: The teacher said she couldn’t eat in class and that is why she took it, but they weren’t in class yet so I didn’t understand why she couldn’t eat it on the way to class.
What are the rules about eating at school?
I was so offended that I got snapped at, that I almost took my kid home for the day and went screw this. But my kid and I talked, her aide came out and we had a brief chat and I got her into school.
But I’m still sitting here like, what?! AITJ for checking on my kid or is she the jerk for snatching my kid’s food and starting all this drama, to begin with?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
I don’t agree with teachers snatching things out of students’ hands, but it happens and this seems like this is a routine issue with your daughter, and dealing with the same thing day after day can make even the kindest teacher overreact.
So the teacher was wrong there.
Your poor morning time management results in your child not eating breakfast at home or eating something quick and easy in the car or on the walk over to the school. All this while you know that you arrive at school very close to the start of class time.
Your kiddo is in the 3rd grade, she knows the rules about food, and knows there is most likely a no snacking in the hallway rule. My kid’s elementary school has that rule because a kid choked and needed the Heimlich done to him in front of kids in grades K-3.
Those were fun conversations for teachers to have with parents in the days following.
You signaled your child to leave their class line to come to talk to you as they were ready to head to class! Not only that, but your dear daughter played you.
She sobbed and looked for you, she knew exactly how you’d react. And you played right into it.
Of course, her teacher was and short with you and was trying to get your daughter back to class, YOU caused a security issue! You signaled your child to leave the line, and cross the blacktop to the gate at the edge of the school property! Has this teacher met you before for more than a quick meet and greet? Of course, that teacher sprinted across the blacktop for all she knew your child was trying to leave the school grounds! My school principal would have ripped you a new one and informed you that in the future any issues should be communicated to him and the teacher.
Your daughter struggles in the mornings, start adjusting bedtime. Get off the electronics an hour before she goes to bed, this includes TV/streaming subscriptions. No water 30 minutes before and get PJs on when the electronics are turned off, a bump bedtime back by 15 minutes.
Get her clothes ready, her bag and lunch packed the night before if you aren’t already. And even if you do all this already, then you stay on her to get her moving, you stay in the room and make certain she gets up, you make her move along.
I had to do this as my 4th grader struggles mightily in the mornings, and will go right back to sleep if I let her.
And go buy some cereal bars and yogurts for her to eat in the car.” blackbeltmeadslinger
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here – especially if this is a recurring issue of your kid getting to school without breakfast and not having enough time to eat before she has to head to class.
I’m assuming like most schools there is a rule about eating only during certain times (and one of those times would not be while in line and walking to class). Either feed your kid at home or get her to school early enough so she had time to eat there.
The teacher is also in the wrong for overreacting and snatching away the yogurt and not letting you have time to deal with your kid. However, if this has been a consistent issue with your kid, I can see why she might have a bit less patience for having to frequently deal with this issue.” Born_Rabbit_7577
Another User Comments:
“YTJ.
You’re a good parent wanting to make sure your kid is okay but YTJ. You said that your child has been told to put the food away before, therefore it’s not a far reach to say she isn’t allowed to have food in the line.
Yet this continues to be the routine for y’all. If she gets the food for snack time, she should be putting it in her bag to avoid having to be repeatedly told to put it away. It’s October. This shouldn’t be a repeat thing anymore.
You also under minded the teacher by calling your child over when it’s the teacher’s responsibility to care for your child when she’s in school. Whether you’re there or not. I really don’t blame the teacher for being short with you.
She had to leave the other 20-30 kids in line to go deal with you and your daughter individually because you acted as if your child was an exception to the rules.
If you know your daughter struggles in the mornings, there are things you can do to adjust her routine to make it easier on all of you.
An earlier bedtime or a longer settling-down routine so she sleeps better. Getting as much ready the night before—such as backpack ready by the door, outfit picked out and laid out, breakfast that can be eaten in the car—so things aren’t as hectic in the mornings.” Zeroforeffort
4. WIBTJ If I tell My Sister About Her Partner's Past Relationship With My Brother?
“I (26F) am married to my husband, Austin (26M), for 2 years now (we dated 6 years prior). I have a brother, Mario, who has mild Autism (23M), He is sensitive, and he gets overwhelmed sometimes and he gets sensitive to sound and when he does, he removes himself from a situation.
I have two other siblings Elena (22F) and Adam (20M). Austin and Mario share a special bond.
Now, a few days ago, Elena brought her partner of 3 months, Caleb (22M), for the first time ever. (Note: Elena and Caleb were friends initially years before they began going out).
Caleb was very kind and patient toward Mario. Caleb even agreed to let Mario give him the tour of the house. According to Caleb, they chatted during the tour.
At dinner, Mario felt so overwhelmed, that he removed himself from the situation and went into his room.
I was going to go get up to check on him, and offer to stay with him, but Austin told me to sit down, and he would go. I told him, no, but he insisted and he went. They were gone for an hour and a half and when they returned, I asked if Mario was okay, and he was fine.
After dinner, Austin pulled me aside, and he told me that Mario had revealed a major secret, and told me to keep a closer eye on Caleb. I kept on trying to make my husband tell me what happened. Austin said that Mario made him swear not to tell anyone, and he would feel extremely guilty if Mario found out that he told anyone as he knows Mario would be very hurt.
I promised I won’t tell anyone or tell Mario that I know.
My husband eventually told me that while, Caleb, Elena, and Mario all previously attended the same high school, Caleb had been bullying Mario so much. He was the reason Mario asked to transfer schools for his last year.
I was truly shocked, because when Mario had never told us why he wanted to transfer.
Then Austin revealed that Mario had confided in him about the bullying a year ago, but Austin did not know Caleb was Mario’s bully. As well, Austin told me that Mario did not initially recognize Caleb as he haven’t seen him in over 5 years but eventually did when Caleb revealed the name of the high school they attended.
So his reaction was understandable. Austin also said that Mario was crying and begging Austin to protect him from Caleb. The whole time, Austin had been reassuring Mario and trying to cheer him up and calm him down.
I was shocked to learn that Caleb was the main reason Mario left that high school.
I felt like Elena deserves to know the truth as Mario is her brother, and we don’t even know if Elena is aware of Caleb’s past, so I wanted to give heads-up to Elena about Caleb. Also, if Caleb and Elena do eventually marry, Caleb would be Mario’s future brother-in-law, and I have no idea if Mario would be okay with Caleb permanently in his life.
This may cause him to have some resentment toward Caleb which may make it harder for him to process his emotions now. WIBTJ?”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. I won’t call you a jerk for wanting to stand up for your brother.
He’s lucky to have such a supportive sibling. HOWEVER, don’t take this decision away from Mario. You can support him through it, but the choice to tell anyone needs to come from him.
Let Austin talk to him about it. He trusts Austin, told him about the bullying, and told him about Caleb’s part in that.
So as hard as it might be to step back, it would be best for Mario to let him make those steps. It’ll not only reinforce that trust between him and Austin, but it will also offer him the power to stand up for himself.” Throwaway-2587
Another User Comments:
“YWNBTJ.
It’s a big deal that this guy was perfectly comfortable traumatizing someone else to the point where the victim of their bullying literally switched schools to get away from him. The fact that the victim is your brother, who has autism, & he was so profoundly affected by it that to this very day the appearance of his bully has him fleeing to his safe space & begging your husband to keep the guy away from him, makes it an absolutely critical deal.
Elena should be made aware of all this because she needs to know in order to make an informed decision about whether to continue her relationship with him. (I sincerely hope she would not!)
In the interests of keeping privacy & peace, maybe have your husband ask Mario if it’s okay if he tells, & explain the reason why.
I know y’all don’t want to breach Mario’s trust, but this is the kind of thing that really shouldn’t be swept under the rug.” Far_Anteater_256
Another User Comments:
“YWBTJ if you decide to tell Elena when you’re not supposed to even know about the issue.
I personally think you should try sitting with Mario and asking him what he really thinks of Caleb and how he feels about Caleb’s relationship with Elena. You could also have this conversation in front of Austin so Mario feels like there’s someone he fully trusts on the table.
If and only if Mario decides to confide in you about the bullying, you ask him if he’d like you to tell Elena or if he’d like to do it himself. If he doesn’t mention it then let Austin ask him on their own.
Having your sister date someone who used to bully you to a point of transferring schools is traumatic enough for Mario, let him decide what he’d prefer to do.
You’re being a good caring sibling OP, kudos and good luck to you and your family!” islasdiary
3. AITJ For Not Letting My In-Laws Give My Daughter Early Gifts?
“My daughter’s birthday is a week after Christmas. This will be her first Christmas and birthday. My in-laws requested to visit before both events. They mentioned they will be bringing her Christmas and birthday gifts with them on their visit as they want to see her open them.
I talked with my husband and we agreed that we want to have the experience of opening the baby’s first Christmas and birthday gifts with her. We told them that their plan didn’t work with us and that they could either reschedule and come for the holidays or after.
Or they could leave gifts and we could zoom with them and they could see us open presents that way. None of these options work for them. We told them that we aren’t willing to negotiate our terms and that they should let us know when they decide what they want to do.
Now FIL is giving silent treatment and mil is laying on the sob story.
Am I the jerk for not allowing them to just give the gifts early?
Edit: There is no way for my husband and I to both be there to see little one open presents.
One of us would have to miss out. We don’t care about the future but for her first time opening presents it would mean a lot for us to both be there.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You should ask them why it is so important to do it early instead of the options you’ve offered.
And then you can follow up with ‘Don’t you think as first-time parents, we would like to experience OUR baby’s firsts?’ Let’s just put it all out there so they know that you know what they are getting at and that they should feel bad for trying to take that away from you.
Also, I’m glad you’re sticking to your guns. You get baby’s firsts. It’s also a way for the grandparents to try and beat you to the first big presents. So be careful down the road. Some just have to do kid’s first bike etc.” BeeSwift
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
You do realize that your in-laws are upset because they came up with this plan so that they would get dibs on giving your daughter her first birthday and Christmas presents, right?
They’re invited to her birthday and Christmas parties, so they have an opportunity to see her open gifts.
They haven’t responded to your invitation.
You offered to find another date later. They’re upset.
They scheduled this visit without consulting you.
They’re upset because you’re spoiling their plan to be first, which isn’t something to which they are entitled as grandparents. This is a power play from them.
I’m sorry, but they’re being unreasonable on purpose.” glimpseeowyn
Another User Comments:
“I’m not going to call you a jerk for this, it’s your child, you should choose how to celebrate. However, holidays are extremely overwhelming for a small child. They get a new toy and it’s the best thing ever and they just want to play with it, but there’s more to open.
There were a couple of years when mine were little that Christmas gifts had to be spread out over a couple of days because they just wanted to play with what they already had. Letting her open gifts from different people on different days may make the holiday less overwhelming.” Mundane-Solution5657
2. AITJ For Sitting On My Wife's Bag?
“So my (M27) car broke down, I asked my wife (F26) to give me a ride to work in her car that I helped save up for and she agreed.
She’s the type of driver that makes a mess in the car.
Empty perfume bottles, makeup stuff, empty cartons, and plastic bags, and old air fresheners are all in the back. When I got to her car and opened the passenger door. I found her bag lying there. I asked her to remove it so I could sit but refused and said that the bag ‘has’ essential ‘stuff’ inside that she needs immediate access to like her lipstick or gum pack.
I was stunned when she pointed to the back and told me to sit in there. I said no, because the back was a mess and also, out of respect I should be sitting in the passenger seat where passengers should sit.
She insisted but I refused and asked her repeatedly to remove her bag. She didn’t so I went ahead and get in and sat on it. She freaked out on me yelling about it then an argument ensued. She removed it, put it in the back then started yelling about how I was disrespecting her in her own car and that she was doing me a FAVOR by giving me a ride to work, and should’ve just sucked it up and shown some respect.
I ended up taking the bus and she was mad because she claimed I damaged her makeup palette that was inside the bag. She called me immature and said that I don’t get to control and disrespect her and the things she owns.
We haven’t talked since I got home. AITJ for sitting on her bag?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This is your wife? I had to go back and read it to see if you said significant other or not. You two are not in a cohesive relationship.
She just let you know exactly how much you mean. Partners wouldn’t hesitate to give rides to work because it is essential to getting the bills paid for the family home. It’s not a favor. It’s a simple part of working together for each other’s needs.
Also, she could have asked you to hold her purse instead of trying to put you in the back like a child or a dog. She literally put her purse above you in this situation. I’d have sat on it too because the whole premise is ridiculous.” Eastern_Tear_7173
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here.
And please, please, please do not have children. Please. Spare them. And us. And each other, and the world. You are not behaving like sane adults. I can identify with the crappy trashy car and the bag. You could have brought a trash container and cleaned out the back of her car as a reciprocal favor.
You could have picked up the bag (with your hands, as the fella says) and held it for her, in case she needed things from it. She could have been nicer about you actually sitting in her car. Goodness. And after you destroyed her things, it turned out you could just as easily catch the bus? You two are not healthy.” Harmlessoldlady
Another User Comments:
“YTJ.
You both need improvement, but you’re not entitled to anything that’s not yours. Not your car, not your rules, not your say that matters. She didn’t have to spell out why exactly she didn’t want your ass on her belongings in the first place, and honestly, your attitude was backseat worthy.
You should learn to pick your battles. She was doing you a favor and you had some sense of entitlement that your say or way of thinking was more important than the owner of the car who was helping you out.” Wild_Candle9522
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here.
Neither of you picked an appropriate response to this situation, her moving her purse and asking you to keep it either at your feet on your lap, and then you for not moving it yourself instead of sitting on it and potentially smashing something she has in it like her lunch or something.
You both need couples counseling because you both have issues that need to be addressed, you both lack respect for each other for this to be such a big issue.” Pro_Choice_Pagan
1. AITJ For Being Mean To My Friend's Wife For Messing Up Our Fantasy Football League?
“I am in a fantasy football league with my old college pal. We are all in our 30s and have had this league going since college.
I’ll call the league manager (the guy who sets everything up and reviews trades) ‘Mike’. Mike has always been a pushover when it comes to his wife but that never had an impact on the league til this year.
First, 3 years ago, we needed another guy to play so we asked my half-brother to play. He’s very into fantasy and won the league his second time playing.
Mike’s wife ‘Melissa,’ who has never taken an interest in football before, has now decided to shoehorn herself into the league.
To make this happen, mike kicked out my half-brother, because he is 20 so he didn’t make the cut.
A lot of us were weary of mike including Melissa. This is a 200$ buy-in, so it’s not exactly an amateur hour. But Melissa thought ‘it sounded so fun!’ So mike replaced my brother with her.
The first instance of crap was when Melissa agreed to a trade and a week later (after it was processed, games were played) decided she didn’t like it. So mike reversed the trade. He said ‘be nice to her, she’s new’ when people texted the group chat and said that was crap.
I got involved. I WAS tied for first place with another friend. This past week I lost and the other guy won, giving him sole possession of first. The guy I was tied with just BARELY beat Melissa. And guess how he beat her.
Melissa started D. Adams, who was on a bye, and C. Olave who was out with a concussion. If she had played anybody off her bench, she would have won. Basically, the other guy won because she didn’t check/set her lineup.
I sent a text in the group chat about this and got a response from Melissa. ‘OMG, I was so busy with work I just forgot to check!’ It takes a minute to open the app and change the lineup. She had no time to do this all week?
I texted mike a paragraph about Melissa ruining the integrity of the league.
I told him I was right from the beginning, that she would eventually get bored and stop participating. I told him it’s his responsibility to make sure she sets her lineup and is actively participating. Because he has no spine, he said Melissa doesn’t want him interfering with her team.
I told him that nobody in the league other than him wanted Melissa to play.
Well because mike is whipped, he showed Melissa my paragraph text to him. She texted me saying that I’m being mean to her and she was just trying to have fun with the guys and get to know them more.
I told her that a 200$ fantasy league isn’t the place for it and if she cared to fix it she would transfer ownership to my brother and he will play it out the rest of the year. I wasn’t mean about it, I just said she clearly doesn’t really care about this.
now Melissa doesn’t want me at their house anytime soon and mike thinks I owe her an apology. It’s a competitive league that’s been going on for over a decade. It’s not the setting to make mikes wife feel included. She can go to a bar with us if that’s what she wants.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
You’re the jerk for how you addressed it.
Knowing that Mike is ‘close’ with his wife is pretty much a guarantee that anything you send him is going to end up in front of her. Sure, she’s making a mockery of this season, exactly as you expected. Let. Her.
Fail. If she fails to set her lineup, then so be it. That’s on her and you guys could have used that after the season was over to push Mike to not allow her in next year. Doing it during the season and you being the one to complain makes it seem like you’re more upset that your half-brother was kicked out than being upset that Melissa is just bad at it.
Except now, you’ve ruined friendships over this. She feels rightfully attacked which means Mike will defend her and give in to her even more. I wouldn’t be surprised if you’re out of the league next year as well. And for the time being, you’re not allowed at their house.
This means that if they have an end-of-season gathering, guess who won’t be there?
Apologize. Ask forgiveness that you let your desire for everyone in the league be actively engaged to override your common courtesy towards a new player. And then stop worrying about what she does.
Stop chatting about it. Stop commenting about it. She can sink or swim on her own. The season is shot. Let it stay shot. Next year, if Mike wants to let her in again, I’d also recommend NOT participating and looking up ‘sunk cost fallacy’ instead.” User
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
That reversed trade alone is ridiculous and should be reinstated if this season is to be considered legitimate. If not, all dues should be withheld, in my opinion. I’ve been playing for 20 years and I’ve never seen such a thing happen.
The larger issue is your commissioner. He should be replaced immediately as he’s shown he can’t be impartial to the degree it’s affecting the competitive balance of your league. If your league website allows, post a poll about booting him from that position, I’ll bet the results are nearly unanimous.
Then next year you can add your brother back in.” Three_6_Matzah_Balls
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
She paid her money. What she does with the spot after that doesn’t matter. You can complain and moan that she isn’t doing it right, but honestly, it would just make it easier for you to win if she half-did it, so why do you care so much?
Yes, he misstepped letting her reverse a trade, but she was informed of the rules and hasn’t requested special treatment since.
She has even specifically said her husband shouldn’t be interfering with her team, and if she nearly won, she seems to have been doing ok for herself. Call him on all his missteps as manager, that’s fine, but you don’t bash a man’s wife to his face.
However: if she gets bored and stops playing, guess what? She won’t do it again next year. You’d get your way and everyone would be happy.
But you know who also won’t be doing it next year? The guy who trashes his friend’s wife in epic long rants about the ‘integrity of the game’ and tries to get others to join him.
Keep going how you’re going and you’ll find yourself down several friends and not invited back next year. Even if your other buddies agree Melissa sucks and shouldn’t be in the league, they will see how you treated a friend’s wife and downgrade you when it comes to socializing.” millac7
Mike needs to either remove his wife from the group and reinstate your brother or remove himself
as commissioner because he's clearly incapable of being objective and fair.
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