People Contend with Ethical Dilemmas in These 'Am I The Jerk?' Chronicles

"I (f21) have three older brothers. My brother (m32) is married. His wife is 30.

Both of our parents are lawyers, mom was still working full time when my brothers were born/ they were little. Then they had me and my mom (who always wanted a girl) decided to switch to SAHM and later on she started working part-time when I started school.

I think I was a little bit more "sheltered" than my brothers, but I think that's just because I'm a girl and not because our parents love me more. I've seen it with my friends' parents as well.

I am also married and I'm a SAHM too, my husband and I have a four-month-old baby boy.

Well, now the conflict. This happened last week at my nephew's birthday party. At one point, I asked everyone if they minded if I nursed my baby there or if I could go to one of the bedrooms to do it. Everyone was fine with it, so I just followed through and we continued talking.

I'm only breastfeeding my son, I don't pump milk or give him formula.

My sister-in-law asked me about it, and I told her that I just prefer to do it like this, my son's pediatrician says that he's healthy and doesn't need formula, so I like breastfeeding.

Well, my SIL thought that it was "very offensive" how I said that I liked it because it sounded as if I didn't understand my privilege for being able to do it. She said, "of course, you like it because you don't do anything else all day than have your kid in your arms".

I feel like that came out of nowhere honestly and I asked her why she was saying that. She told me that she's tired of hearing me talk about how wonderful motherhood is because I'm just a glorified housewife and I talk like being a mother is the easiest thing in the world, just because I don't work and I don't do most of the housework.

I told her that every time I talk about motherhood, I do it from my perspective. It's not my fault that other women don't enjoy it as much as I do, I am giving my opinion and that's all.

Well, then she started calling me out on my "privileges" and said that I'm just a "silly girl who doesn't understand the world".

I got angry and replied to her, so on top of what my SIL was saying, my brother started telling me to stop with that spoiled brat attitude and that I needed to face the real world and he insisted on how privileged and spoiled I am (by our parents and my husband)

My husband intervened, and my brother and he argued too. My parents also tried to say that SIL's attack was uncalled for. My husband and I left, and so did my parents. Well about half an hour after I left I received a text from my brother saying that everyone was uncomfortable and some people had left his son's birthday party because I "can't take criticism".

He also said that my nephew is "severely upset" with me.

My husband and parents are very obviously on my side, and so are my friends although one of them told me that maybe my SIL is stressed out because of her job and taking care of her children and as another mother I should be more understanding."

Another User Comments:

"ESH I disagree with most here. Sounds like SIL asked if you exclusively breastfeed and you said yes, you like (with italics) breastfeeding, insinuating those who use formula are doing so because they don’t. SIL took offense and rudely wondered if you knew how privileged you are (she’s right).

You then stated it’s not your fault that you enjoy motherhood more than others, the others being working moms with more on their plates. At no point did your SIL indicate she didn’t enjoy motherhood. She said you had it easier, and you do. Also, time for your Mommy to wake up and realize she did some damage with your brothers." Spiritual_Basil7665

Another User Comments:

"I get the feeling there is a lot left being unsaid, that this wasn't a one-off and that you have been making a lot of comments about how easy motherhood is, essentially rubbing it in other people's faces on how you have it better.

Also " not because our parents love me more", have you asked your brothers if they believe that because having a mother quit work to look after their fourth kid and not the first three seems like you were more loved." lord_buff74