People Worry Over Their Controversies In These 'Am I The Jerk?' Stories
20. AITJ For Telling My Brother To Stop Relying On Our Parents For Home Renovations?
“Me (F26) and my husband (M26) found out we were expecting back in August. When we announced the pregnancy to my mom and dad, I asked if before the baby was born, they could perhaps finish/make their bathroom safe for an infant (there is currently a significant amount of black mold in there).
As it turns out, my brother (M24) who still lives with my parents alongside his partner (F23) of 4 years also found out she was expecting in September. My brother who was unprepared for this as they were not trying, freaked out. My mom and dad have been more than happily accommodating them for the last few years and have said they will continue to do so until they can find their own home, even with the baby on the way.
Since they announced their pregnancy, they have moved into my mom and dad’s larger bedroom in the extension area of the house, they’ve also requested that my dad finishes the downstairs area of the extension so they can use it as their own separate living room, alongside completing the remaining renovations in the house before their baby arrives.
My brother and his partner are now complaining that progress is not happening fast enough for them and they’re worried the house won’t be ready for their baby when it arrives later this year. They started to threaten they’d move out this month, but instead my brother bought himself a new car and now cannot afford to move out of the family home.
This morning my brother text our family group chat asking for help on how to get our dad to speed up. He told me that because I was the one who mentioned the bathroom needed to be done before my child could visit, that I should speak with my dad about sorting their room and the rest of the house out.
I told him that he needed to grow up and start taking responsibility for himself, that he should be paying my dad or helping financially pay for something that is going to benefit him and his family above all else. That he needs to step up and stop being reckless with funds because he’s going to be a father.
His partner then chimed in and said it wasn’t for them, that it would allow my parents to invite people round and enjoy the renovated space with them.
I called them both entitled and said they didn’t realise how much of a good deal they had, that they needed to get their heads together and help my dad if they wanted these things, rather than just expecting them to happen.
I told them if they weren’t happy then they should move out and find their own space or sit down with my parents to talk out a plan, but my brother responded they didn’t have the funds to do this and that they’d talked to my parents before about it and it had gone nowhere.
I told them that they should leave us out of it, it had nothing to do with us and my mom and dad will see our child as much as they want regardless of whether their house is in a finished state.
He called me a jerk and stopped responding.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Sounds like everything you said was absolutely Right On. That’s why your brother is upset — The Truth Hurts!!” wisewoman707
Another User Comments:
“NTJ You aren’t your brother’s advocate. You don’t have to get involved with his BS.” KronkLaSworda
19. AITJ For Letting My Depressed Mother Overstay Her Welcome, Upsetting My Wife?
“32m.
I’ve been with my wife for 6 years and we have a 3-month-old daughter. For the past year my mom has been battling with severe depression following the incarceration of my brother. He lived with her when he got locked up and she’s never lived alone, so it took a toll on her mentally.
He’s in prison for 19 years so I don’t see it changing anytime soon either. I helped her get in to therapy 6 months or so ago, following my wife making a comment about not wanting my mother here every single day. To be completely fair to my wife, it was in fact getting exhausting.
My mom would show up at various times during the day without notice and hang out for hours because she didn’t want to be alone and entertaining her every single day was getting super irritating. Especially given that my wife and I had zero downtime or alone time.
So, anyways, I got my mom in to therapy.
For the past 4 months my mom has still been stopping by but it’s not nearly as frequent. She got a partner now so she’s only been stopping by once or twice a week and doesn’t stay for more than an hour.
My wife still hates it but she said she will take this over how it was any day. But 2 days ago my mom showed up in hysterics. She was completely inconsolable. She and her partner were fighting and I guess it just made all her mental anguish flood back.
She asked if she could stay the night. I ran it by my wife who said “whatever” and locked herself away in the bedroom (she hadn’t gotten any sleep the night before). I told my mom “you can stay the night but you need to leave in the morning.
I’m going to be honest with you, my wife doesn’t want you here.
She hasn’t been sleeping and this is inconvenient.” She said she would leave first thing in the morning. But the next day she was even worse than the night before. She was freaking out and hyperventilating because she didn’t want to go home to an empty house.
Said she hadn’t slept at all. She was afraid of driving on no sleep, etc and asked if she could take a nap in our bed so she could be rested for the drive (our couch, where she slept, was not comfortable). My wife said that was fine but she had better be gone by the time we got back from grocery and other errands.
We left at 10am. Got home at 8pm and my mom was still sleeping in our bed.
The baby was super fussy and my wife was livid. She said “go wake her up and tell her to leave or I’m going to lose my temper.
This is unacceptable.” I tried waking my mom but she kept saying “5 more minutes” and turning away. My wife just looked at me and said “I’m done with this nonsense” and packed up the baby again and left for a hotel. She said she won’t come back until I go no contact with my mom and cut the umbilical chord because my mom didn’t get out of my bed until nearly midnight and then went back to sleep on the couch instead of leaving.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You need to stop letting your mom run your house. You are her son, not her emotional support animal. Your wife doesn’t deserve for her life to keep getting interrupted because your mother is hysterical and fighting with her partner like she’s 16.
ETA – most grandparents would want to come over to help with or see their infant grandchild, not come over to be a drain on a new mother and her household. Your mom needs more help than she’s apparently getting in therapy. Unacceptable.” lihzee
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Are you kidding? This has been happening for months, so you can’t act like anything here was about this one specific situation. She has been saying FOR MONTHS that she wanted some peace in her own home, and you and your mom have just been ignoring her.
If you think you won’t get left over this, you’re very much in the wrong.” Express-Chapter9429
Another User Comments:
“YTJ What you have done is caused this situation for allowing her to constantly be in your home and then allowing a sleepover. Your Wife has been telling you for months she has had enough, and does not like your Mother.
This is the straw that has potentially ended your marriage. If you don’t do as your wife instructs you you will lose your wife and child. Take your Mother home Now! Not in the morning Now! You have some severe groveling to do if your marriage is going to survive this.
Edit: When your wife says “Whatever!” and locks herself in her room that means she is really upset with you, she is right at the end of her tether with the situation. Your reaction at that point should have been to tell your mother No!
and sent her home.” Successful_Bath1200
18. AITJ For Not Allowing My Mother-in-Law to Sleep in Our Bedroom for Privacy Reasons?
“We moved 3 months ago to my husband’s birth town. His mother lives 1:30h from us, in a smaller city, and occasionally stays over with us to do some errands. Even though we don’t have the best of relationships due to some behaviors on her side, I don’t mind her coming over and I am a good host in any situation.
At this time, my mom, her partner and my sis came from far for New Year’s and are staying over, on my husband’s request, for his birthday next week. While we travel my mother also will be caring for our dog, that is a bit sick.
Today his mother texted asking to sleep in our bedroom tomorrow night, while we travel. That was due to our guest bedroom being occupied by my family and she not wanting to be without AC for the night. I didn’t like this idea.
To me, a bedroom is something extremely personal and private.
I find it a huge invasion of privacy to share my bed and pillows with people, and also I don’t feel comfortable letting someone else in the privacy of our room. It is important to say that I have issues with sleeping locations and sharing personal space with people.
Even took a while for me to be able to sleep with my husband. It is something extremely important to me and my husband is aware of it.
We had different upbringings and we sometimes have different views on society and social cues. He found no issue to let his mother and her husband, in our room.
He doesn’t really care. While, I wouldn’t allow my mom or anyone else sleep in our room unless the circumstances were extreme such as sickness, old age or surgery. This was something really clear in my household.
Before I really had a conversation with my husband, I asked my mom and she agreed with me, also highlighting that she wouldn’t request that of me.
That the marriage bed was something sacred and private. I don’t really see the sacred thing, as I am not religious, but I am 100% on the private.
His mother has close relatives she stayed over all the time before we moved towns and I don’t see the need to be uncomfortable and invaded because she prefers to sleep with the AC in our house.
My husband and I talked earlier today and our upbringings clashed. I am aware we have different midsets and but I establish clear boundaries on the things that matter. This was something that mattered to me and he said he couldn’t understand how me feeling this invasion really being that big of a deal, as it was only a bed we could strip the sheets later, while my somewhat sour relationship with his mother would make a lot more sense.
That if I didn’t give way on this now, in the future if an alike situation happened with his father (with whom I have a good relationship), I would have to. I felt this unfair as my key point was the privacy and private thing.
We agreed to disagree and in the end his mother won’t stay over. Was I a jerk for putting my quirk and need for privacy over his mother’s comfort?”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. It’s ok to have this boundary but hopefully, you realize that not everyone would consider this an invasion of privacy and those people’s views are just as valid as yours.
Whenever my parents went out of town, the overnight babysitter slept in their bed and it wasn’t a problem. My aunt wasn’t comfortable breastfeeding in front of other people so when she came over when my cousins were babies, my mom let her use my parents’ bedroom.
I’m not saying to invalidate your feelings. My point is your mother-in-law didn’t do anything wrong by asking and your husband isn’t wrong for not agreeing with you. I’m glad you decided to agree to disagree instead of dragging this out.” Mother_Tradition_774
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here, it’s absolutely fine that she asked and absolutely fine that you said no. It’s your house and your rules. Even if your mother-in-law is doing you a favor, it’s still your house. Conversely, what your mother-in-law asked isn’t unreasonable to many people so it wasn’t a problem she asked either, so long as she is accepting and respectful of your answer.” 107DronePilot
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I feel like this answer required a “two yeses” to agree and you didn’t. As long as it is standard and doesn’t change for anyone else asking, it is fine. This “two yeses” or it doesn’t happen is a good communication way when deciding lots of things in your household.
Examples: buying a major purchase, moving to a new city, any potential roommates or animals, etc” Trick_Delivery4609
17. AITJ For Rejecting My Cousin's Wedding Invite Due to His Fiancé's Dislike for Me?
“I (28F) was invited to my cousin’s wedding. It’s a pretty big deal in my family because Jake(28M) is the first in my family to get married. However, I rejected the invite because his fiancé doesn’t like me.
When we first met she kind of just glared at me. At first, I thought it was just because she might be awkward meeting new people or it’s because Amy(F30) is from abroad. But I think she just genuinely doesn’t like me.
She always has made undermining comments about me. Whether it was about me being a single mom, dropping college and going back or even just what I eat, she makes these weird comments that I just brush off.
Some examples of this during this past week:
– at a family party, I was talking about my son having a parent event for his soccer club. I said I was a bit nervous participating and Amy told me well it’s your fault the dad isn’t in the picture to do so.
– I gained a lot of weight recently (30lbs) and Amy said I shouldn’t be ordering anything but soups and salads for the good of myself while at a restaurant.
Early this week Jake and Amy came over to invite my family and me to the wedding.
After they left my sister tells me that she was asked to be a bridesmaid by Amy. I didn’t think anything of it and said congrats. But when my sister asked me if I was one, I said no. She looked surprised. Apparently, Amy and Jake had all their siblings and cousins to be bridesmaids and groomsmen.
I didn’t know, and I was honestly a little sad but I just said it’s whatever’s. My sister was mad on my behalf and went to complain to my parents and aunts.
Long story short, this has started a fight between Jake and Amy vs my family.
Jake’s mom was really angry that I wasn’t part of the bridal party. But Jake and Amy don’t want me to be a bridesmaid because I’m not a traditional woman. I thought it was getting too much so I just decided that I shouldn’t go.
Am I sad? Yes, I’ll feel left out but it’s not my wedding and I don’t wanna fight with Jake or Amy about it. My family doesn’t want to go anymore but I said I’ll be fine they can go enjoy the wedding.
Amy did reach out to me yesterday about it.
She just said “Sorry I didn’t pick you as a bridesmaid because you don’t match my image. I want a traditional wedding and you aren’t that” Then going on to how I would make the wedding pictures uneven.
I just responded “I’m not going anymore. I don’t need your reasonings on whatever you think.” I thought this would make Amy happy but she wasn’t. She angrily texted in all caps “You jerk! I don’t even know why I considered inviting you.
You should be regretting not coming.” I’m not sure how to feel. But I’m not alone I was thinking of just going to the beach with my son that day just so I can distract myself. But my whole family all told me I should go to the wedding.
I don’t really feel welcome and Jake hasn’t told me anything. But AITJ for letting this argument with the bride affect my presence at her wedding?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I wonder, though. Have you spoken to Jake directly about this? You said that ‘Jake and Amy’ don’t approve of you, but where did that statement come from?
JAKE is the one you would be there to support, not Amy. Either way, this definitely isn’t your fault.” Cataclysmus78
Another User Comments:
“NTJ you are very refreshing OP. This woman is bending over backwards to upset you and the most you’ve given her is ‘meh whatever’.
You don’t even seem to do it intentionally to upset her, you just seem to have a healthy amount of self-respect and love for yourself. FYI nothing you say or do will make her happy so why bother trying? Don’t go to the wedding, there’s nothing but drama and misery lies.
Have a lovely time with your son” luneascape
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Amy is mad because she isn’t getting the reaction out of you that she wants and it backfired on her that your family called her out for her BS. Amy is toxic AF for her comments to you.
Go enjoy your day, she doesn’t deserve you at her wedding. If the family doesn’t go I hope it’s because of her being a nasty person in her actions overall and not just the exclusion of the wedding party.” ak246891
16. AITJ For Suing My Ex-Partner For Not Paying Her Share Of The Rent?
“So a couple of months ago my partner of 4 1/2 years broke up with me.
She gave reasons, mainly that she didn’t have the energy to be in a relationship with me anymore. I did not want to break up and am pretty shaken about the whole thing as this is my first real love, long-term relationship, and breakup.
It was the two of us and my best friend all sharing a house. When she broke up with me she made it clear she wanted to exit the lease and was going to stay with her mom who lives about an hour away. She gave me these options:
The first and best option was to sublet the lease and have someone sign in her place. We actually did have someone who wanted to do that which would’ve worked out perfectly for everyone. However the landlord made it clear that was impossible without signing a new lease entirely and we don’t consider that an option.
The second option is for me and my friend to sign her out of the lease. She would pay a $500 fee and then we would be stuck paying her rent for the duration of the lease (5 months) Me and my friend said this isn’t a good option for us since we can’t afford to pay all of that plus utilities.
The third option is that a $5000 termination fee is paid and the lease is ended early. This would leave all of us living with our parents again for a couple months. Me and my roommate didn’t want to do this. We told her she would have to pay the entire $5000 and we wouldn’t split it 3 ways.
She says she cannot afford that and we are obligated to split it since we are all on the lease.
After talking to my friend’s dad who is an attorney he made it clear those were not our only options. He said unless she pays the entire termination fee, we could just do nothing and keep the lease going.
This was a good option for me and my friend, but bad for my Ex. She would have to drive an hour to work and back and pay rent for a place she wasn’t staying. This would also prevent her from getting her own place until the lease was over.
When we told her this was the option we are choosing she quickly took all her things out of the house and completely ghosted both me and my roommate.
So pretty much a month goes by and she doesn’t pay her portion of the rent.
We spoke to the landlord who said she was not answering any attempts at contact. I even texted her dad. My friend’s dad says we are able to sue her for her portion of rent. So we did and are currently waiting to have the papers processed and served. It won’t cost us any funds in the long term since my roommate’s dad will represent us for free.
However this seems to be completely messing her up and it feels petty taking legal action against my ex-partner of almost 5 years. This would also potentially mess up her renters history. Is it too far suing her or is this a reasonable response?”
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s a jerk here. It feels to me like you chose the option that would be most inconvenient for her because you were upset about the breakup, but she also shouldn’t have just stopped paying rent and should have made more of an effort to help you figure out one of the other options.
Info: how old are all of you?” User
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I think the jerk here is the landlord, option 1 seems like the best options and even if you have to sign a new lease why isn’t he giving lease for 5 months, your intended months to stay anyway.
He will get the same funds idk what the landlord’s issue is here.” MAK9993
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This is how adults handle things. When she gets served her summons for court maybe she will try to mitigate. However you may find it hard to collect if she isn’t working because you will need to garnish her wage.
But she is allowing herself to be a mess because that judgement will stay on her credit report but it should. Edit: her dad is betting y’all are too poor to sue her” No_Tough3666
15. AITJ For Demanding My Mom Repay Funds She Owes Me During a Heated Argument?
“I (19F) live with my mum (47F) and grandparents while I attend university.
As a New Year’s gift to my mum and her cousin (49M), with whom we’re close, I got us tickets to the theatre. I had worked a summer job and most of my paychecks I had put towards replacing furniture for the house, but I had a small amount left over.
The day came and I walked out in a plain black dress, almost knee-length. My mum had a meltdown the moment she saw me.
She started shouting that it is inappropriate and that I should go change. I refused to. She kept saying she wouldn’t come if I wore it, and I kept saying it’s just a dress, it’s not revealing and no one’s going to be looking at me in a theatre anyways.
After 5 minutes of this back and forth, she demanded I at least wear my floor-length, lined coat and button it up. I was wearing a baggy jacket that was longer than the dress, but it wasn’t nearly cold enough outside to justify wearing a coat.
She then went on the rant she goes on every time I do something she doesn’t like. She called me a loose woman (among other cuss words), said that I’m an embarrassment to her and that if I had a father he’d slap some sense into me (he left when I was a baby).
And at that point, I would normally relent and go change into jeans and a sweater to get her to calm down. However, this happened:
A few days prior I’d confided in her about a situation that had left me hurt and asked her to keep it between us.
I won’t go into detail, but I basically found out that some people I thought were my friends were saying bad things about me behind my back. And she brought it up during the argument and said it’s my fault no one likes me.
Here’s where I might have been the jerk.
She again said she wasn’t coming, so I told her I was leaving, so that at least one of the tickets wouldn’t go to waste (they were non-refundable). That’s when it hit the fan. She said she’d gladly pay me back for the tickets because she takes pride in always paying back what she owes.
Well, every time I lent her funds, I never got it back, or I got back a small portion with a promise for more that never came. I would occasionally ask for it back (to little avail), but never confronted her about it because at the end of the day she’s my mum, so I felt bad starting a fight about funds.
However, I lent her almost 250E back in October (more than 1/3 of my last paycheck) and every month she swore she’d pay me back the next. So, I told her that if she wants to claim that high ground she can do so by first paying me back the 250 she owes me.
She then started yelling that I embarrassed her in front of her cousin, as I had promised I wouldn’t tell anyone about it, which I never did.
Eventually we all went, but we were silent the whole time. I feel bad about the funds thing but at the same time I don’t think I’m completely in the wrong.
I could use some perspective. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – you’re 19, she has no say in what you wear, and she ruined her own Christmas present by throwing a strop for no good reason. She berated you, said you should be hit, told you that no one likes you (because… you wore a dress that was shorter than she’d like?), in front of her cousin, and then got upset that YOU embarrassed HER?
Nah, she hasn’t a leg to stand on here.” Hollifo
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She has no problem berating you in front of her cousin, including the disclosure of information that was supposed to be private. That outright lie about “she takes pride in always paying back what she owes” was too much to swallow.
If you hadn’t brought it up in front of her cousin, you’d never have seen that funds again. Seems to me that if she’s entitled to bring out information she promised not to disclose, you’re also entitled, and yours was actually relevant rather than a simple slur.
You’re not even a little bit in the wrong in this situation.” extinct_diplodocus
Another User Comments:
“NTJ one bit. Your mother berated you in front of someone else; her behavior/name calling was unacceptable. She also breached your confidentiality. She ruined what should have been a nice evening/your thoughtful gift. You’re 19, you can wear whatever you like.
She gets no say. She also pushed you by mentioning paying back the ticket funds when she has a poor track record of repayment; you had every right to ask for what she owes.” Apart-Ad-6518
14. AITJ For Wanting My Parents' Time Instead of Their Funds?
“I, 17m, have a very financially well-off family. My mom and dad have very high-paying jobs at a really big company.
My parents have always said that they want me to have a good life and to them that means that they want me to have lots of funds.
My parents aren’t very present in my life. They’re always at work or out at a dinner party for their work, etc. I’m home alone pretty much all the time, or with my best friend Alex.
Alex has a smaller house and really nice parents so I hang out there a lot. Once I was at Alex’s house for a whole week before my parents noticed I was gone.
So, every year I ask my parents for the same thing for my birthday: to spend one afternoon together.
But, instead, I always get a text saying they have to stay at work late and I can go pick myself out a present.
My 17th birthday was last week and I asked my mom and dad if we could go to an arcade and the movies to see a movie I really wanted to see.
All the days leading up to my birthday, my parents said that was fine. They were going to meet me at the arcade at 5:30 when they got out of work.
I was waiting in my car at the arcade until 7:00 waiting for them to get there.
I drove home and waited in the living room for them to get home. They walked in the door at 8:45 and barely acknowledged me. They walked past the living room, into the kitchen and poured themselves glasses of wine. I followed them into the kitchen and looked at them, standing there and talking to each other.
I cleared my throat and my parents looked at me. My dad mumbled an apology and said they had gotten caught up at work. He tossed me a small box with car keys inside. He told me I could have his old car, because he just bought a new one.
He smiled and gave me a half-hug. I said thanks and my mom asked if something was wrong.
I told them that they left me hanging on my birthday again and my dad groaned and said to man up. He said that birthday parties are stupid, and I should be thankful that I got a nice car.
I told him I’m super grateful for the car but I just wanted to hang out with him and my mom. My mom said that she couldn’t believe what an ungrateful boy she raised. Before I knew what was happening I was crying.
I told them that all I’ve ever wanted for my birthday is to have a normal day with them but they never did that. I cried even more and went to my room. I told Alex about what happened and he was angry. He said I’m so out of touch and a jerk for crying when I got my own car.
I explained that I wasn’t upset about the car but he said I’m an entitled jerk.
I really want to know if I am being out of touch and annoying about this, so any feedback is appreciated. Sorry if this sounded stupid.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Just because you come from a rich family doesn’t mean you lack the need for basic human connection. You can be grateful for a car and still wish your parents would spend time with you. Your parents are the out-of-touch ones and your friend is a jerk for making you feel bad.
Being “bought off” by emotionally neglectful parents is a manipulative tactic to gaslight you into feeling ungrateful.” stinkhornfan
Another User Comments:
“You’re NTJ. What you asked for is the bare minimum of what your parents should do. “he said I’m an entitled jerk.” Easy for him to say, he doesn’t have to beg his parents to spend time with him, only to have them let him down anyway.
“My mom said that she couldn’t believe what an ungrateful boy she raised.” Doesn’t sound like she has raised you. Sounds more like you have raised yourself, with some assistance from Alex’s family.” Dittoheadforever
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Many parents could only dream of their teenage kid’s only wish for their birthday being to spend time with them.
They are ungrateful for your love. So, go find people who are worthy of it. That will make time for you and love you back. You can’t change your parents, but I have a feeling there are loads of new friends out there willing to be there for you.
Go find a “found family”. Hugs.” ResponsibleBoat1944
13. AITJ For Confronting My Husband's Friend About His Poor Hygiene and Disrespectful Behavior?
“My husband’s friend, a 27-year-old male, is really kind and fun to have around but they have hygiene issues that are impossible to ignore. They do not wash their bottom. We have gotten this information out of him before when talking about how a lot of men don’t let water and soap in to wash their bottoms and how gross that is.
He says he doesn’t want to touch that so he assumes the soap from washing his hair gets in there. No. It doesn’t work that way we said and he laughed it off. Every single time we go out with him he gets what he calls “swamp ass” it smells like rotten cheese and vomit and diarrhea mixed. It’s so bad that it makes us gag.
When he gets out of the car it stinks for days after. I have to drive to work the next day smelling that it’s nasty. I’ve put towels down for him to sit on and car seat covers but he takes them off or moves them.
I’ve tried to get my husband to tell him but he is too shy. It’s so bad. We went on a road trip once and it was so bad I had to buy air freshener and my husband and I were gagging in front of him and complaining about how bad it smells and he just sat there like he didn’t know what we were talking about.
He also eats in our back seat whenever we go to fast food or he goes out with my husband and he ALWAYS gets food everywhere.
He spilled an entire packet of fun dip on the carpet and left it and got his muddy shoes mixed in with it now our carpets are soiled we need to clean them.
He spilled an entire soda and left an ice cream cone in the cup holder and closed the cup holder back up (it folds back into the seat). I found out when I was cleaning the car a week later. We ask him to clean up after himself or don’t eat and he just laughs.
He’s a nice guy but he has no self-awareness. He’s an only child and lives with his mom still and she cleans everything for him and even does his laundry. I don’t even wanna know how many skid marks his momma be scrubbing out on a daily basis.
I got a very chill mutual friend of ours to sit him down and tell him for me because I felt it wasn’t my place as he doesn’t really take anything I say seriously and he’s my husband’s friend. He told him that he stinks so bad that it makes us all gag and after he leaves we all hate being stuck in the car on the way home smelling it.
It ruins our seats and it’s not healthy to have that kind of odor. He told him to grow up and wash his bottom and clean up after himself when he’s in the car. He told him he’s acting like a little kid.
He didn’t take that very well but hasn’t changed anything. He said we were being judgmental but we aren’t perfect. My husband thinks it wasn’t fair to make someone tell him for me. He thinks it was a jerk move. I don’t.
It’s gross.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, although you definitely do need to have a sit-down and talk to him about not being able to use your car or ride in it until something changes. It’s affecting your life, you shouldn’t have to put up with it just because he’s your husband’s friend.” SugarSpecialist3887
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Ok you’ve tried – now just stop letting this guy into your house or your car. He’s going to need to lose some friends to understand he is not being socially acceptable. If you do this now, it’ll be up to him whether he has friends in the future.
It’s not your job to make him grow up or put up with his gross mess.” OverRice2524
Another User Comments:
“NTJ You’re quite correct, it’s gross. And contrary to what you wrote, I don’t think he’s a very nice guy either, because he has zero respect for what multiple people have told him regarding his hygiene, and how it affects the people around him.
He has no respect when you ask him not to eat or make a mess in the car, he has no respect doing things like the ice cream stunt in the car. That’s insane! I would be livid. A 10-year-old would know not to do that with an ice cream.
I think you need to spend less time hanging out with him. And if you guys are going out anywhere, he doesn’t get to ride with you. Tell him to meet you wherever you’re going.” ScoobaChick28
12. AITJ For Not Wanting To Invite My Father's Side To My Wedding Due To Past Uncomfortable Experiences?
“I (26 F) have been in a relationship for a while now and during the holidays the topic of weddings came up while my mother and I were in the car together running errands.
When we got to the topic of who I would invite/how large the wedding would be, I said I would be inviting almost no one from my father’s side to the wedding apart from one cousin my siblings and I were close to growing up.
My mother was visibly upset. My father is the youngest child in a massive and close family (16 siblings) and they are all very close and have keys to each other’s houses, always visit randomly, help with maintenance – the large farm family type. Most of my cousins have had huge weddings (guest lists over 1k and renting out event centers) and my siblings and I are pretty much that side’s last chance for their huge family weddings.
The issue mainly rests with my uncle and his wife. They live super close to us and, like the rest of them, had access codes to our house and security systems. This doesn’t pose an issue with the rest of my aunts and uncles but one time I drove home sick in the middle of the school day and found my aunt in my sisters’ room rummaging through their drawers.
When I found her there she ran up, hugged me, said hello, and then left.
When I called my parents at work to ask if she was supposed to be there and what she was doing rummaging through their drawers (my sisters were 10 & 12 at the time and she only had boys in college) my parents said her washing machine was broken and she needed to use ours.
When I commented it was weird they brushed it off.
This was not the only time they have been weird throughout my life. He just always made me really uncomfortable. This continued into our teens when my sisters and I basically stopped going to family gatherings and if they ever came over we would hide in our rooms.
My parents know about all of that but still invite them over, they just ended up begrudgingly changing the house codes after we wouldn’t let it go. As far as I know, my parents have never brought it up to anyone and change the subject when it comes up.
I think leaving one family/sibling out of a wedding would be more drama than just having a super small and intimate wedding and only having super close friends and immediate family come (leaving that whole side out almost altogether). My sisters are on the same page as me.
My parents disagree and have been upset with me ever since saying I planted this idea in my sister’s heads and that I am ruining their chance at having a large family wedding, reciprocating what their siblings did, and that I am/would be causing unnecessary drama.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I don’t understand why your parents keep pushing them into your life anyway – your aunt and uncle sound more than a little creepy and their actions are suspicious at best. Stand your ground regardless of if they offer to pay in the future.” Warm-Egg5454
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Give your parents the ultimatum, either a big wedding where this aunt and uncle are excluded or a small intimate ceremony with the people of your choice. And let them know that if you go for alternative 1 and anyone asks why aunt and uncle aren’t invited you will let them know your reasons.
This wedding is about you and your partner, not the rest of the family.” Huff-da
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your aunts and uncles shouldn’t feel entitled to get an invite just because you’re related by blood – and most especially not if they’ve been acting strange throughout your childhood.
Ultimately, it’s your wedding day and you should get to decide who you want to be there.” Mental_Leader_1932
11. AITJ For Claiming The Former CEO's Office For Myself?
“My apologies for possible wrong wording, I’m not a native speaker.
Since last April, I’m working in a new company. Said company has been bought by another, much bigger company, two years ago. During that time, it turned out that the CEO of my new employer had no idea how to run a business.
He basically ruined it. So the bosses of the bigger company slowly took over until he finally decided to opt out. His office hasn’t been touched by anyone since he left. I don’t know why exactly, it’s a room like every other room, expect for the expensive wide screens of course.
But no one touched them either. On several occasions, one of the new bosses could’ve taken it, or at least sit in there for a while, making important phone calls or meetings that need you to have a quiet place. But even then, they instead decided to block one of the meeting rooms. Out of respect I assume, or cause it would be a bad omen?
I don’t know.
During the Christmas holidays, I decided to ask the HR lady (who happens to be the former CEO’s wife) about the office as it’s been over six months now since he left for good.
Context: I’m working in sales and have to sit in a room with three other people.
Don’t get me wrong, I like them a lot, but I’m not able to have an online client meeting in there. Every person I’m calling is able to hear the others talking. I usually went into another empty room or stayed at home for important meetings so that I would be able to focus and perform well.
That’s why I initially laid my eyes on the empty office. It’s on the same floor, not far from the other offices, and it’s not particularly big or anything. It’s a normal office that happens to be empty for over half a year now.
Back to former CEO’s wife.
I asked her out of respect and to test the waters, and she was totally fine with it and even told me it’s sad that this part of our building became such a quiet place. Believe me, I would’ve never touched the office if she told me she wouldn’t like it.
Next day, I went into the office and started to carefully pack the stuff former boss left. The other guys even helped me doing it. Furthermore, they finished the preparations on Friday 29th where I stayed at home cause I started to feel sick. I didn’t ask them to do it, they just did and told me afterwards.
This week, head of sales who has his own office returned and he absolutely hates the fact I’m sitting in there. He told me it makes me look bad and I should really reconsider my decision. I told him that I talked to the wife and that no one else seems to have a problem with it but him.
Others even helped me with it. I also told him that I never cared for the screens (even told him he can have them) or tried to lift myself up by sitting in there. I want to perform well for the company and I really don’t get why we don’t use that room.
It doesn’t matter as it seems, regardless of whatever argument I bring forward.
AITJ here?”
Another User Comments:
“It was an empty office that offered the privacy you needed for online meetings. You asked, it was cleared, you took it. Sounds like the other guy might be a little jealous that he didn’t get there first. Ignore him and move on.
No jerks here unless he continues to make it an issue.” Discount_Mithral
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, nobody else took initiative and you had permission. Enjoy the privacy.” dishonestgandalf
Another User Comments:
“NTJ As long as it is not affecting anybody that you are using up the extra empty space, there shouldn’t be an issue.
Even if they did, they should have a valid reason for it.” purpy101
10. AITJ For Not Speaking To My Husband Over His Outbursts While Watching The Kids?
“Our household has 2 kids – one at school and one at home. I work from home; husband travels for work (2-3 month stretches or 3-5 day trips) when not traveling he works 20 hours doing admin work at home at his leisure.
When he is traveling I am responsible for school drop off/pick up, coordinating a morning sitter, nap time and all meals for the kids. Of my 9 hour day I spend 1.5 hours on school pick up/drop off, 30 minutes for nap time and I end up working for another 2 hours when I’m watching the kids while working.
So in my mind fully dedicated working hours are 7 when really I should be working 8.
Since he has been at home he complains every day about how he has to watch the kids all day and he’s exhausted. He does wake up early to go to the gym and then 50/50 on helping with breakfast. I made the school lunch and then he gets the older kid ready for school.
I work and watch the younger one while he does this and drop off. From 8:30-12:30 he cares for the younger child. I take care of nap time so he has free time from 12:45-2:30 when he leave for school pick up. He is back at 3:30.
I tend to get off work between 4:30 and 5 depending on how my day goes (my schedule is supposed to be 8-4:30) my company is strict, no OT but sometimes work needs to be completed so I need until 5.
When I work past 4:30, he will loudly yell at the kids that he can’t do what they both want since he is alone watching them (most times they are both asking for snacks and or beverages or a new tv show) it’s embarrassing to me because I am normally on a conference call so everyone hears him yelling at our kids or saying passive aggressive things like I thought you were supposed to be off work, so much for your ending times, or he will yell at the kids I can’t be in two places at once and moms working late again.
Which if I was working until 6pm I could understand but it’s unusual how he acts.
He seems to have no respect for my job, he makes loud calls to friends and family throughout the day. He gets upset if I can’t stop working so he can use the bathroom.
He has to be warned if I’m on a call to make sure he doesn’t barge in.
I haven’t spoken to him all night. I’m sad he is so overwhelmed “watching kids all day” while I work (as if I’m sipping margaritas on the beach all day).
When I have asked about it and stated his comments make me frustrated he says that he’s joking. But seriously who has outbursts every day over caring for your kids when you travel 30-40% of the year.
AITJ for not speaking to him over those outbursts?
I wanted to collect my thoughts and approach the conversation the next morning. But really I’m not seeing how he could think it’s appropriate to loudly yell at the kids and make backhanded comments about my job and working hours especially when I’m on a call with a coworker.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Time to sit down and have a clear Come To Jesus talk. If he’s really ‘just joking’ (spoiler: he’s not) then it won’t be difficult to stop doing so once he realises it’s hurting his wife and kids, right?
Because you know those kids aren’t stupid or deaf and are hearing that their father sees time with them as a chore. Nevermind the potential damage he’s doing to your career” plastic_venus
Another User Comments:
“NTJ passive aggressive attitudes are the worst!
Sit down with him and lay out what you do while he’s away and while he’s there, then outline what he does for the family while he’s away and while he’s there. Then ask him if you think the way he’s treating you is fair and wait for his response.
Let the silence stretch, let him talk in circles or be frustrated and get it all out. Once the first emotional rush is done try and talk through how you both feel and if that doesn’t work ask if he’d be willing to do couples counselling.” Firm-Psychology-2243
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I think you need to ask the husband if he can not yell at the kids as it does affect their minds and they will pick up on it and see if he maybe wants to do family therapy. He shouldn’t yell at the kids for wanting to play.
He needs to learn to do activities with them or superviseable activities like reading time, drawing time, puzzles and board games that way they both are in one spot and entertained and he doesn’t have to do much of anything but sit and enjoy time with them.” AlchemyAngel85
9. AITJ For Only Ordering Tacos During Happy Hour And Not Ordering Drinks?
“Partner and I go to a restaurant for dinner (mainly for me because Mexican isn’t his favorite) & before getting seated the hosts asks if we’ll be ordering from the happy hour menu or regular. We weren’t aware it was happy hour but didn’t want to limit ourselves so we tell the host we might order from it.
The host takes us to the bar area. For what it’s worth we’ve gone to other locations of this restaurant and have been seated in normal tables for happy hour. The restaurant also wasn’t packed or crowded.
We get seated and are greeted by our server pretty quickly.
She asks if we know what we want to order for drinks. We don’t drink so we politely say we’ll both get waters for now. She seems fine with it and after coming back with waters she asks if we’re ready to order. I order tacos from the happy hour menu because it’s a good deal and I couldn’t pass it up – 3 salmon tacos for $10.
The waiter then looks at my partner and asks what he’ll order and he tells her that he’s not ordering and that it’s just the tacos for me. She seems irked. I don’t blame her but she also didn’t make any efforts to hide it well.
I feel bad and wait until she’s gone to tell my partner that maybe he should order something small like a soda or something. He says he shouldn’t need to feel pressured into ordering anything and that he’s just here for me.
The waiter then comes back after putting in the order for tacos and asks us if we’re “finally ready to order.” I’m confused and question if I ordered the tacos.
She then reconfirms that she’s put in the order for tacos but reiterates if we’re ready to place an order. My partner repeats from earlier that it’s just the tacos for me. Things start feeling awkward and sort of tense. I wait for her to leave again and ask my partner if he’s sure he doesn’t want to get a drink or maybe dessert so it’s not just me ordering an item.
He’s very adamant that he should not have to get anything.
Fast forward to me finishing my food and being done. Partner asks for the check and the waiter looks at us and slightly raises her voice and says “that’s it? That’s all you guys are going to order?
I can’t believe it.”
I pay the bill and I add a 25% tip. I thought about adding more because I was feeling bad but my partner was very put off by the whole thing and said I was already being too nice by tipping that much for the service we received. On one hand I get her frustration.
More food/ drinks would yield to a higher bill which would increase the tip amount. If there were customers waiting to be seated I could also see an issue of us being a waste of space because of our low our bill was. However, no one was waiting and we were probably in and out 40-60 minutes in total.
AITJ (or both of us) for not ordering drinks and/or more food? Is it etiquette and common knowledge to be ordering drinks and food during happy hour? I never intended to upset our waiter and hope to never do that to future waiters ”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ (either of you). You were given an option of menus to order from and you chose frugally. Unless there is a minimum order stipulation, you are under no obligation to order more than you want, wait staff attitude notwithstanding. Now, I normally tip ~20%. For the attitude you received, I’d have dropped the tip amount to 18% (or even 15% if it seemed that this lack of service was not due to a bad day (I’ll forgive a bad day *some*)).
Do not allow yourself to be guilted or pressured to buy more than you want, even if it was/is busier.” upvotesBacon
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but your bf is right, you are too nice. She was incredibly rude to you, and not only did you take it, but you rewarded her behavior because she made you feel bad.
OP you are a good person, but do not be bullied into feeling bad for ordering what you want. Personally, this is a situation where talking to the manager would be appropriate, and even reaching out to the corporate office. It’s people like her that give servers a bad name.
She deserved a 0% tip.” COLGkenny
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It doesn’t sound like you took up a table for that long, and you ordered from the menu they gave you. I used to be a server, and your server was very rude! Getting a low-spending table is part of work sometimes.
But it’s kinda sad to me that your bf can’t find anything to eat alongside you; I happen to enjoy dining out for the sharing of food and all parties enjoying something to eat.” TemptingPenguin369
8. AITJ For Being Upset After Learning My Name Is Shared With My Stillborn Cousin?
“Last month I (17M) learned that my mom named me after one of my stillborn cousins.
My aunt, my mom’s sister, had four stillborn children and her only son is the one I was named for. My aunt never got to bring a child home. I feel like I always knew she lost kids. But I never knew her son and I shared a name.
It’s not a common name either. I never met another person with my name and while I always loved having a unique name, learning the origin of it makes me so uncomfortable.
As long as I can remember my aunt has disliked my mom and never wanted to be near her.
I never got it. My aunt was always nice to me but I could feel how awkward she was around me. I could never figure out why. It was weird because my whole family gave me a nickname and always called me that. The nickname was unrelated to my name and everybody used it for me.
That wasn’t so weird but I guess I did use to wonder because I remember when they hosted a party last year to celebrate me getting an award for my art, they used my nickname, which is more of a pet name, on the cake, the banner and stuff.
It didn’t have my first name on it at all.
I was talking to my cousin before Christmas. She’s my uncle’s kid and I asked her why everyone calls me by the nickname and never by my name and she told me it was hard for them to use the name and not think of my cousin.
I asked her what she meant and she told me it was a whole drama and mom almost lost her whole family over it. Nobody thought it was kind and our aunt was SO angry at mom. Apparently mom even told dad that was my name and he got no real say.
It made me feel so uncomfortable because every time they hear my name, they think of him and he never got a chance to live and grow. I know naming people after dead family members is a thing and that’s fine. But an infant who was stillborn?
It feels so gross to have the name. I confronted my parents and mom told me it was no big deal and I shouldn’t feel ashamed that my aunt is the one who should be ashamed. I asked mom how she could be so insensitive to her sister.
She didn’t get over that and a week ago it all kind of bubbled over and she told me I have no right to be mad. I started yelling that she cursed me with a name that makes everyone think of a tragedy. I told her the name is more associated with him than me and that makes sense because they lost him way too soon and it will also make them think of his sisters who didn’t live either.
My mom said I had no right to yell at her and I am just as bad as the rest of the family when they all treated her like a jerk for how she chose to name me. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and thank you for sharing.
We see a lot of posts on here from the person in your mom’s role or aunt’s role about this exact issue. I’ve never seen the child’s take on it before. This sounds like a very alienating and confusing situation and hopefully people who are debating baby names will read this and see what it’s like for the person carrying that name.
Sorry you’re in this position.” SneakySneakySquirrel
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Your mother named you to hurt her sister and she succeeded. Your family’s response was not to call you by that name and now you know why. What your mother did was gross and now her cruelty is coming back to bite her.
Unfortunately it has hurt you too. None of this is your fault. It might be worth approaching your aunt. Tell her you found out the origin of your name and wish it had not been such a source of pain for her.” Dogmother123
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I can see in your comments that you’re considering a name change. A great way to see how you feel about different names is to go to Starbucks or another takeout place and give a name that you want to try. It’s an easy way to see how it feels when someone addresses you that way or calls it to get your attention.” CalicoGrace72
7. AITJ For Trying To Improve My Mother's Living Situation Without Asking?
“I (36F) live abroad and have done since I was 20 years old, it’s expensive to fly back so I have only done so 3 times in the past 16 years. My mother is for all intents and purposes a single mom. Although both my siblings (23F) & (17M) both work, neither do anything to help my mother in any way, something my mother regularly complains to me about.
She is an overworked and underpaid high school teacher.
Her apartment is fine albeit a bit old and tired, it’s in a great neighborhood and is very inexpensive comparatively. The downside of this cheaper rent is the landlords do very little in the way of maintenance.
Nothing is ever upgraded or updated unless it literally completely breaks down and is unusable (my mother never wants to call them to fix anything for fear they will raise her rent). The apartment´s primary source of heat happens to be baseboard heaters, as a result, my mother keeps the heating off / or very low to save funds.
The climate where she lives is cold and humid, which has caused a damp problem. This is exacerbated by the fact that my mother never wants to throw anything away, resulting in an overly full & not well-ventilated apartment.
One of the worst rooms is unsurprisingly the bathroom.
The extractor fan in the bathroom is ancient and broken, the bathroom tiles were painted over with an epoxy grout rather than treating/cleaning them which meant they cracked and the mold came through. There were also broken/cracked tiles under the faucet in the shower.
I decided to buy a new extractor fan, with a humidity sensor light switch that automatically turns the fan on and off when the humidity reaches a certain percentage which my friend helped to install. I got to work by deep cleaning the whole bathroom with mold remover, removed the broken epoxy grout, recolored and sealed the grout.
I also removed the broken tiles, put in new ones with waterproof patching and put down new caulk. The whole process took around 3 nights (I was doing all of this after work) & about 250$. I was even ordering in takeout for everyone to eat while I was there.
The whole time my friend and I were there my mother seemed annoyed and would even make comments to my sister (who was sat on the sofa next to her not helping) “well, as you see its 10:00 and it’s still not finished” or while on the phone to my grandma “She decided I needed some fancy new extractor fan and she didn´t like the tiles were stained so she´s been here making a mess for three days”.
As I was cleaning, I noticed the medicine cabinet was full of expired & empty products so I started throwing them away. My mother flipped & basically told me no one asked me to do all of this (even after showing her the literally empty bottles I was throwing out).
I didn’t do this for my mother for praise but I didn´t expect this response to me trying to improve her living situation for her. There was no appreciation whatsoever for the hard work my friend & I put in to make her place nice.
AITJ here?”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. Lovely gesture… But I can also see how it might feel like you are judging her living situation. And might want to spend time with you rather than time sitting with the daughter she already sees regularly while you are busy doing something else.” AmethystSapper
Another User Comments:
“YTJ for not asking before doing it. It sounds like you were overbearing. Helping people by doing things they don’t find helpful isn’t actually helpful ” Emotional_Bonus_934
6. AITJ For Feeling Hurt After My Friend Replaced Me As Her Maid Of Honor?
“I’ve been friends with K since about the 8th grade. I’m currently 33 and she’s 34.
K is a little quirky and hasn’t kept many friends over the years (other than me).
In 2018, she got engaged to her long-time partner. Within a week, she asked me to be her maid of honor (I accepted). We would send each other “Inspo” photos and I agreed to help with her dreams for her wedding.
I was with her when she picked her dress.
Long story short, engagement #1 didn’t make it. A few vendors were booked, but they didn’t get to the point of a bridal shower or anything like that. I stuck by her, again, and supported the decision.
Fast forward to Feb 2023, she’s engaged. I met her fiancé for the first time in July. I heard plenty about him prior, we just never met. The day I met the fiancé, K told me they were adding another bridesmaid to the mix, M.
M knows both K and her fiancé for about a year and M feels like a younger sibling to K. Cool, no problem, added to the list.
In August I was browsing ideas for a bachelorette party. I texted my friend to verify the attendees (her cousins, + M), and then received “oh I’ve been meaning to talk to you about that.” She proceeded to tell me that she “didn’t want me to feel less valued,” so she asked if M and I would share the position.
The message sounded like she had told me prior that M would be the MOH, but she hadn’t. I scrolled through texts to see if I had missed something, but I didn’t. Then she told me that because I’m married and I have a toddler, she figured being maid of honor would be too overwhelming, so she didn’t ask me.
I was upset. I told her I would prefer to be a guest. I was hurt that she never had the decency to tell me about the changes made. I never talked to M – I never even knew she existed prior to July. Suddenly I was expected to share a title with someone she’s known a year, and apparently I was the last to know about this title swap.
Am I wrong that I thought I was the MOH since I WAS (definitively) in round 1? Shouldn’t there have been a conversation to ask me if I thought I could handle it? Am I overreacting? I was literally ready to put a deposit on the bachelorette festivities!
I have the pictures of the bridesmaids and their dresses on my phone with their measurements and their contact numbers. I have pictures of the bride and her outfit and hair and makeup on my phone. Did I ASSume? Or would you have done the same?
I was hurt (and I still am). After our misunderstanding, we didn’t speak. She reached out in October asking to meet up – I dodged her. She texted a “Merry Christmas” and I replied with similar civility. She said “I miss you. I’m so sorry.” I couldn’t respond, and still haven’t.
Today I just received an invite for her bridal shower. Up to this point, I anticipated sending a gift (whether I was invited or not) as hope for of best wishes and closure… but I did not expect to receive an invite. I don’t want to attend at all.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. If I’m reading this correctly, she asked you to be her maid of honour for a wedding to a different fiancé in 2018. In 2023, she is engaged to a different man…and she did not ask you to be her MOH, did not ask you to plan her bachelorette party…so I’m not sure why you assumed you would be MOH.
It’s a different wedding, 5 years on. That said, once your friend realised you’d made this assumption, she actually tried to rectify it by changing her plans to have two MOHs (you and M). You said no – your choice, but the fact is your friend tried to include you here and you’re the one who rejected that. So…she’s making an effort to message and invite you to things but you’ve decided to ditch the entire friendship because you aren’t the one and only MOH.
That’s your call, but it tells me you weren’t that close anyway and this is likely the real reason you aren’t the MOH. ” happybanana134
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. She asked you to be her maid of honor for a different wedding 5 years ago. You made an assumption; we can say she should have clarified that you were no longer the maid of honor, but as I said, it’s a different wedding.
Different man. And you could have checked yourself instead of operating on an assumption. You’re throwing your toys out of the pram. ” Waste-Edge446
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. No need to attend. Simply RSVP your decline. She needed to tell you at the outset that she was going with a new MoH instead of not telling you.
I assume she knew you’d expect to continue in the position as she had never said otherwise. She couldn’t avoid it when you asked about the bach and it would’ve been much kinder for her to be direct. ” Emotional_Bonus_934
5. AITJ For Expecting My Housemates To Inform Me About Their Guests?
“My brother-in-law lost his job and we allowed him, his wife, and their two kids to move into our home to be temporary housemates. Our house is a decent size and there are more job opportunities in our town, so it made sense and we wanted to help them out.
They agreed to pay our electric bill in exchange once he started working. It’s pushing 5 months now and he still doesn’t have a job. It’s always some story when we ask him about job hunting and I’m so frustrated. We plan on having a sit-down talk with them both next week about needing to reassess our situation because we can’t keep doing this.
Anyway, tonight my niece asked my husband if he could move his car because her cousin was on the way, he had to leave for work soon and he’d get blocked in. The cousin pulled into the driveway before my husband even walked to his car.
My problem? That was the first time I had heard anything about them having company over. Well I decide I’ll talk to my sister-in-law about it after the company leaves. I’m lying in bed with my toddler, getting them to sleep and my sis in law text me asking if the niece can stay the night.
I replied that’s fine, and I went ahead and told her that I’d like a bigger heads up before they have company over next time, please.
That it was fine they came, I would just like to know beforehand, and not find out when it’s happening.
She said “Well I knew they were stopping by to exchange gifts but didn’t know they were gonna stay to visit if I had I would have told you but didn’t really think it would be that big of a deal but I guess now I know it is and she will be going home tm” So no apology?
Is it wrong for me to expect one? She’s making it seem like I’m making it a big deal? She left to go grocery shopping and when she got home I went to her in person because she’s always trying to run away and would prefer to talk over text and I was like hey I wasn’t trying to make anything weird or a big deal, it’s just when I am planning on having company over I let y’all know before hand, it’s just like a common courtesy.
She replied with “well like I said I didn’t know they would be staying” then walked off. Like to me it doesn’t matter that she didn’t know they were staying or not she still invited them over to my house and gave them my address without touching base with me first. I’m not even wanting her to ask permission I just find it disrespectful to be surprised with guests at my own home.
It was her two nieces and her niece brought 2 friends I didn’t know, I’m not sure if she knew them either. I could be making this a bigger deal than it should be because I’m all ready so aggravated at them and the no-job situation, and I started my period today.
It’s just the fact I give them respect that wasn’t returned. I’m thinking about talking to her again once the niece leaves tomorrow, or should I just leave it alone?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You are graciously helping them out. So this is not like their home that they can just do what they want when they want especially with inviting just anyone to spend the night.
5 months of a “helping hand” without him having so much as a job at McDonald’s is over the top. They need to be doing something to show progress. Even if it’s just a part-time interim job.” canvasshoes2
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here Really, what it all boils down to is that your SIL clearly feels at home in your house and is acting accordingly, e.g. not giving the slightest thought to why it wouldn’t be ok for her kid to have someone over.
But you are clearly at the end of your rope with their very presence, and so anything they do will annoy you at this point, and largely something like them just randomly deciding to increase their numbers. You said you plan on having a sit-down talk with them asap, and honestly that is the only thing for you all at this point.
Otherwise these kinds of things – which seem little but build up inside you into something way bigger – will happen more and more. Best of luck to you all.” SnarkySheep
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. They’ve been living with you for five months.
It’s their home now too. They are allowed to have guests in their own home. It makes sense that she didn’t think it was a big deal. But if I’m reading correctly, they still haven’t begun paying you the electricity bill (aka, rent) as they agreed. Definitely talk to your BIL and tell him that it’s time for him to either start paying the agreed on rent or else find other arrangements.” gotogodot
4. AITJ For Buying a House For My Former Nanny Instead of My Absentee Father?
“So I 30f recently bought a house for my former nanny.
My entire childhood I was raised by my nanny “Jane” as my mom was the breadwinner and my dad wasn’t in the picture at all. Jane attended every after-school activity, graduation and parent-teacher conference. Jane basically raised me and I see her as my second mom.
My mom employed Jane as a nanny/ housekeeper from when I was 2 until I was 28, when my mom passed away due to cancer. As a result I inherited everything. My mom was a successful surgeon with her own practice and my grandparents left her with a few properties in her home country.
I have since rented the properties out giving me a good rental income.
Well after my mom passed away Jane was there for me, she helped me make all of the funeral arrangements and contact relatives from my mom’s home country. After she helped me through this difficult time I wanted to do something nice to thank Jane.
As a birthday gift I surprised Jane with the deed to a 2 bed, 2 bath house in an area of the country she had always talked about wanting to retire at. Jane tried to decline the gift saying it was too much but I told her she was like a second mother to me and that this was the least I could do for her as thanks for raising me.
Well somehow word got back to my dad that I had bought a house for Jane and he turned up at my mom’s old practice demanding to talk to me. I didn’t even know who the man was as I’ve seen him less than 20 times in my entire life.
He claimed to be my father and yelled at me for buying a house for a stranger” over someone who is family and says he and his family of 5 have been struggling financially.
He even had the audacity to say that I should buy a house for him and my half-siblings (who I have never met) because they are my blood family and I owe it to them.
I laughed in his face and told him that Jane had been far more involved in my life growing up than he ever had and that I didn’t care if he was struggling financially. Security then escorted him to his car and made sure he left the property.
My dad’s side of the family has now been trying to reach out through social media. Complete strangers who I’ve never met saying I’m a jerk and that my mom never let him be part of my life. I know this is false since I remember my mom calling him over the years, asking him to pick me up on the weekends to spend time with me and he never did.
I tried to talk with my friend Aiden 34m about this problem who recently reconnected with his dad who he hadn’t seen since he was 6 due to his dad being incarcerated. Aiden told me that my dad probably had a good reason for abandoning me and that I’m the jerk because “some people don’t even have dads”.
I reminded him I was one of those people now he’s refusing to talk to me.
So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and ignore Aiden and anyone who says your dad **”had a good reason for abandoning”** you. Also, WTF? I’d love to hear a logical example of how he had to abandon YOU but went on to father and raise other kids!
If your dad had any “reason” to abandon you, when he was able to be a father he would have come to you, explained, apologized, asked how he could reconnect with you, and honoured your response. He didn’t reach out when he was actively parenting his other kids or even when your mom died, only when he realized you had an inheritance.
He still doesn’t want to be your father, he just wants your funds! You must feel bad about losing your friend but you shouldn’t. He isn’t worthy of you so walk away with your head held high.” JustWatchin2021
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – It’s intriguing how the mention of funds seems to bring your dad back into the narrative.
His idea of family appears contradictory and hypocritical. You aren’t obligated to provide anything for him or his family. When it comes to Aiden, it’s important to recognize that these are distinct stories. Your own experiences may have inadvertently touched upon his abandonment issues, but ultimately, those are his issues to address, not yours to solve.” _But_First_Coffee_
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – Oddly, this story sounds just like the stories told about people who win the lottery. As soon as the word gets out that you have free/extra funds all the parasites come out with wonderful stories about how you “owe” them a cut.
Just because half of your DNA closely resembles this person’s doesn’t actually make them important in your life. Jane was important for 26 years of your life. Dad? Value what is important.” OldGreyTroll
3. AITJ For Confronting My Roommate About Her Partner Overstaying His Welcome?
“My (33m), roommate Sarah (30f), has had her significant other over since last Monday. My house is kinda small, it has 3 bedrooms, and you can just hear guests and notice when people are over.
At first I was happy for her to have someone stay over, but I noticed that he was staying here while she would go to work for hours at a time and stayed for days in a row, mostly just chilling in her room.
I messaged her after 4 days and let her know that while I am perfectly happy for her to have people over, as is her right, I am not comfortable with her leaving a man in the house I do not know while she goes to work.
Especially one that she had not even introduced to me while he is sleeping in the same house as me. Our front door does not auto lock and I was uncomfortable leaving the house knowing he was still there. I have no lock on my door, nor does my other housemate (35m).
She replied to my message and was apologetic and said she did not handle the situation very well. He was someone she knew and had flown in as last minute and needed a place to stay but I did not get much more information than that.
She says that he will be out of the house by the weekend.
After the weekend he is still here and she says in text that he will be gone by Tuesday and she again apologized for being kinda messy about how she handled the situation.
Tuesday comes and he is still here at midnight but I think maybe he will leave in the early morning so I go to sleep.
I wake up and it seems he is gone for the first time in over a week. Come evening Sarah comes home and starts to make dinner.
Then I hear his voice in the living room again. I was incredulous I could not believe he was still here. I felt like my hospitality had more than been exhausted and he was a grown man that could find a place to stay on his own.
I’m literally shaking because I am like I think I need to confront them in person as I am over this. I feel OK about being more than a little annoyed at this point. I work up the courage to leave the room and I ask why he is still here, she says he left and came back for dinner, I let them know that I felt that inappropriate as he has not even been gone 24 hours after staying here for over a week straight, showering, using power, and taking up the bathroom at some points.
They both just looked a bit ashamed and I think they might have been surprised I confronted them but I had just had enough of a practical stranger to me being in my house more than I. The guy lowkey agreed with my point and I went back to my room.
I have not spoken with the roommate but will need to when I am feeling a little less tense about the whole situation.
AITJ in this situation?”
Another User Comments:
“I’ve yet to see a lease that allows someone to stay more than 5 consecutive days.
I think it has something to do with people being able to claim tenancy. Sounds like she’s moved him in. Call the landlord. If you’re the landlord, ask him to leave. NTJ” Rare-Selection2348
Another User Comments:
“NTJ it’s obvious to me or anyone that she told him he could stay with her for a long time and is trying to move him in and didn’t say anything because then she would have to pay more or be told no. Look OP you need to kick him out now and possibly her too because when you’re not looking she’ll bring him right back.” No_Age_4267
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She apologized and he agreed, so they know they’re wrong. It seems the shame of being wrong is easier for them to deal with than the logistical inconvenience of him not being there.” ThisOneForMee
2. AITJ For Not Letting A Woman Use The Gym Machines While My Partner And I Were Alternating?
“I’m F & frequently go to the gym with my partner but until recently I decided to start using weight machines after just doing cardio and light dumbbell workouts.
I’m not familiar with reps/sets & let my partner take lead. Yesterday we did legs, we were able to get 2 machines next to each other and alternated. I finished my last “set” on one of them & got up to spot my partner on his when a lady approaches me asking if I’m done to which I respond “no we’re still using it sorry” and she’s like “how many more sets?” And I was unsure because even tho I had finished my partner had not and idk how many he had, so I asked him as he’s leg pressing 250lb and he responds about 2-3 reps.
She then looks at me & asks “but how long”, at that point I shrugged & said “sorry I’m not sure” and she continues to ask if she can warm up on it or use it while my partner finishes and I just say no sorry because he’s about to finish with this..
and I smile and turn around and she just stands there a few seconds walks away. My partner and I laugh at the awkward interaction.
Fast forward we move to the smith machine, goal was to teach me how to do rdls. We were there 10 minutes when the SAME lady comes up to us again and asks us “how long until you finish?” With a smug face and condescending tone.
My partner and I having found the previous interaction awkward looked at each other like is this happening again? and I tell her sorry we’re both using it and I’m learning a new exercise so it’ll be a little bit and she’s like “but how long” to which I found annoying because I felt like she was doing it on purpose so we jokingly said “a long time” and she responds that “you’re rude and disrespectful and you HAVE to tell me how long” to which I just said please just go have a good day and let’s us workout please” She goes away and we just decided to leave because we were annoyed, as we’re leaving i go to the shelves were we put our things when I notice a man getting really close to me and I look up and this lady and her partner are standing right next to me and my partner.
He gets in my partner’s face and says “I want you to know she’s not alone” and we’re like ??? My partner tells him to back up a little and to just leave us alone, we try and walk away and as I say have a nice day he points his finger in my face and says you talked to her wrong!!!
My partner is super protective and he immediately grabbed his hand and pushed it away from my face and they start arguing back and forth I hate confrontations and felt like the whole thing was unnecessary. AITJ? Are WE? The whole thing was blown out of proportion.
The owner of the gym got involved and ended up taking our side but still, now I’m contemplating not even going back to that gym. As someone who just became more familiar with the gym terms and gets anxiety being in public spaces it was just a turn-off to go again.”
Another User Comments:
“Honestly, everyone’s a jerk here. At my gym, there is a rule that circuits or supersets should only be done when the gym is low capacity – and even so, if someone comes to use it and you’re on something else, it’s free game.
It’s not your personal gym so I get why the other person was annoyed. However, her coming back up to you all and pressing again to escalate is a bit much. Personally, 10 minutes on a machine sounds a lot to me and maybe y’all need to set up a different plan to tackle machines in different orders so you don’t unintentionally “hog” a machine.
I agree it does feel like things escalated a lot but gym etiquette for everyone here is a must.” its_batgirl
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s a jerk here I assume you’re both gym noobs or something, but if you’re not currently using the machine you can let her work in just as you were basically doing while your partner is super setting the entire gym.
Super sets are a hot button topic and unless your partner is some super advanced lifter, he really doesn’t need to incorporate them into his workout, but it’s not my place to tell either of you how to workout. That said, you could have let her work in or just said 10-15 more minutes.
If it’s going on longer than that, are you even working out or is this just more cardio for you both?” RedditIsFacist1289
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s a jerk here but you started it by being a jerk about not answering her question clearly. You weren’t even using the machine she was asking for and you wouldn’t even let her warm up on it.
Don’t go to a gym if you don’t understand the very basic concept of sharing with others. The machine is free, let her use it or be clearer that he is about to use it in a few seconds. You cannot hold public equipment. You being purposefully vague is precisely why this conflict started. They shouldn’t have escalated so wildly but you shouldn’t be hogging a machine while the gym is busy.” CookieCatSupreme
1. AITJ For Not Reporting My Neighbor and Helping Him Home Instead?
“This happened yesterday. I (25m) have recently been living with my parents. As I was arriving home from running errands (about 5pm) I noticed a car was parked in the middle of the road right in front of our house with its hazards on.
After I parked I noticed a couple had begun helping this vehicle. I wasn’t busy so I decided to help out. After attempting to push it for a few minutes, the driver pulls forward and parks the car along the street right in front of my parents’ house.
The couple and I all looked at each other with confusion because we thought the car had broken down.
The three of us walk up to the car and motion for the driver to roll down the window. At this point I see exactly who’s behind the wheel.
It was my lifelong neighbor (Late 50’s M). Let’s call him Roger. My whole life Roger has been very friendly with my family. I’d consider him a family friend.
Anyways, Roger opens up the car door. He silently looks forward. Car still running.
The man asks Roger if he’s okay. Roger still doesn’t say anything. The man then says he’s going to call Roger an ambulance. That prompts Roger to turn to the three of us and point to each of us one by one and mutter some nonsense.
At this point I know Roger is intoxicated. I ask if he’s been drinking…“I’m so intoxicated. I’m messed up”. I’m shocked. I’ve never seen Roger like this nor have I seen him drink anything ever. The man then proceeds to pull out his phone and says he’s going to call 911.
I step in and say that’s not necessary because I know Roger, his house is right there, and I can walk him home. The man seems relieved to not have to deal with this anymore and leaves. I then help Roger out of the car, turn it off, then start walking him home.
As we walk (he’s stumbling) he discovers who I am and begs me not to tell my mother (my parents are extremely religious). He invites me in.
I don’t know why I agreed to go in but I did. He explains that he has been trying to quit this year but relapsed at his daughter’s 20th birthday party that he had just gotten back from.
I tell him it’s one thing to drink but it’s an entirely different thing to decide to drive after that. I felt bad and wrote down my number and told him to call me if he ever needs a ride. He ends up crying and trauma dumping about his divorce and subsequent drinking problem and lays his head on my lap (Don’t ask me why).
I asked if he had ever gotten a DUI before and he said he got one in 1992. I told him if he keeps this up he’s going to hurt someone or himself and that he needs to get help. He agreed.
I feel so conflicted. I don’t think I’d be able to live with myself if I ever got news of him hurting himself or others in any future intoxicated driving accidents.
In the moment I just didn’t want to deal with the fuss of an ambulance and law enforcement coming out. I feel like I messed up. AITJ? Is it too late to do something?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, you did good. Stopping Roger prevented harm and offering support could inspire change.
He needs professional help, and you can encourage him without taking full responsibility. You can’t control his recovery, but you can still help. And don’t blame yourself, you acted with good intentions. ” VenomousJourney36
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I’m not sure what you could’ve done otherwise.
Let him get in the car and have the cops come? You prevented a crime and a danger to innocents, your neighbor, your neighbor’s family, and your neighbor’s future. You can’t be there all the time to watch the guy, but you were there when you needed to be.
Not sure why you would think you could be the jerk here.” BetweenWeebandOtaku
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Intoxicated driving kills people every single day. Helping him cover up his crime helps him hurt other people. You found him creating hazardous conditions in the road, and he already has one DUI.
People don’t get a DUI on the first, the fifth, or even the tenth time they drive intoxicated. For every DUI they have, there are dozens of times they’ve gotten away with endangering the lives of others. Every time they get away with it, they become emboldened and get more reckless until they eventually harm or kill someone.
Helping him get away with his DUI is not helping him to grow as a person, it’s helping him go on to do more harm. The only way you can truly help him is to report him now so that he can deal with the legal consequences of his actions before they continue to snowball and he kills someone.
Would you rather he pay the price for intoxicated driving now, or ending a life later?” AndromedaRulerOfMen
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