People Crave To Know "Am I The Jerk?" In These Stories
18. AITJ For Being The Grinch?
“I 21M and my roommates held a party early this year in our apartment and it was a great time.
However, the next morning my roommate’s POW flag was missing which was given to him by his late grandfather who was a POW in WWII.
Keep in mind he keeps it hidden in a drawer so it’s not an easy grab. Ironically nothing else was taken during the party. Naturally, we were confused by this and he was really upset.
Later on that week he found some of our friends who were at the party were posing with it on social media.
I was really irritated since it was not only personally disrespectful but deeply unpatriotic. My Roommate called the girls out and they eventually returned it albeit unapologetically.
Fast forward a few months. The girls invite us to a big Christmas party at their place.
I saw the perfect opportunity. I could be the Grinch and hide in plain sight while getting them back.
At the Christmas party, I arrived dressed as Santa Claus with a large black trash bag. At a later point in the night when everyone was pretty intoxicated, I began snatching.
I took anything that would be inconvenient (tv remotes, silverware, a toaster, I raided everything in the fridge and freezer). No one gave Santa with a big bag a second thought.
However, like the Grinch, I had every intention of returning the stuff.
However the next day my partner called screaming at me that I took it too far and one of the girls who she was friends with heard it was me. I explained it’s just a prank and they’ll get it back but she says I’m a jerk.
Did I go too far?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ.
Are you sure you’re an adult? Seriously, because your maturity level says otherwise. The theft of the flag had NOTHING to do with you so why did you take it upon yourself to take revenge? Being a hypocrite must not bother you, so lemme tell you…what you did was petty, immature, and dumb.
You should have had the cops called on you for stealing. Grow up and be the bigger person.” HolyUnicornBatman
Another User Comments:
“YTJ, your friend was very upset and you felt bad for him so you decided to make the people that did it feel bad, which falls under the category, ‘An eye for an eye leaves the whole world blind.’
That said, it is also funny.
Had you just taken some things that are a bit inconvenient but nothing they would really stress about (take all the pillows? If bedrooms were open only of course), or maybe left the bag at the coat rack with a note, ‘The Grinch could’ve taken your stuff and posted with it on social media.’
So all in all, not the biggest jerk on here.
Say sorry and explain why you did it and if they don’t see the symmetry, well…
that’s their problem?” Naive-Mechanic4683
Another User Comments:
“Eh, I think stealing the flag was much worse than what you did but it’s still stealing. You should have just used your bag and moved things in their place. TV remote? Put it in the bathroom behind the pipes under the sink (duct tape it there if you have to).
Put the toaster under someone’s bed. Silverware can go in the toilet tank. Other small items can go on shelves in closets or in coat pockets. YTJ but I understand why you did it.” StormyMcGee68
Another User Comments:
“Imma go with the unpopular NTJ simply because: they stole what is the equivalent of a family heirloom, from a party they were invited to, and didn’t really seem bothered by it.
Eye for an eye won’t leave the whole world blind if you’re all standing up for what’s right. Next time you consider doing something like this though, consider being less petty about it. If you knew they had the flag, should’ve arranged for them to give it back AND reported them for it lol don’t stoop to a bully’s level.” The_Lunar_Lorkhan
17. AITJ For Kicking My Husband Out Of The Hospital?
“I have a 14yo daughter. Her bio dad passed away when she was 4 and her uncle was her father figure for the next 6 years of her life, then he, unfortunately, got sick with cancer and passed away shortly. She has been having abandonment issues and trust issues and wouldn’t easily open up about her feelings unless to those who are close to her.
When she met my husband, she didn’t immediately warm up to him. She said she doesn’t see him as a father figure but has been polite and kind towards him. My husband kept trying to get close to her and do all he could to get to know her more and get her to open up to him.
It affected her mental health because she felt like he was forcing a relationship and I already told him to give her space and time and she’ll come around on her own terms.
He didn’t stop trying and saw it like it was a challenge of some sort which caused so many issues between us two.
About 3 months ago, I found out that he snooped on her therapy and I had a huge fight with him about it and told him he wasn’t her dad and he had no right to force it on her. He apologized profoundly but said from that moment on he’d no longer try to be her father because he is not and will never be (his own words).
I noticed he has stopped doing anything for her like bringing gifts and playing video games with her.
I wanted to ask but he said no one is entitled to a gift or his free time.
Last week she fell off the stairs and hurt her ankle. I freaked out because it was painful and she was in a lot of pain.
I called my husband and told him to come take her to the hospital, his response was that since he is not her dad then he didn’t have to do anything for her then hung up on me knowing I can’t drive for medical reasons and I can’t afford an ambulance.
I called my MiL and she came and took us to the hospital. She must’ve given my husband grief about refusing to help because he showed up at the hospital looking worried and acting like he cared. I yelled at him and demanded that he leave because he had no right to come and act worried after he ignored my daughter and me when in dire need of help.
He argued back then began crying swearing at his mother that my daughter is the light of his life and that he refused to help because he was upset with us. He begged that I let him stay but I insisted that he leave.
His mom didn’t say anything at first but then told me that her son didn’t mean to ignore us and that he really loves my daughter. I told her this attitude isn’t acceptable, imagine if I needed him for something more serious and he decided to ignore us because he felt hurt?
I went to stay with my friend and brought my daughter.
He tried sending flowers and new electronic devices but all got returned. He’s all over me texting and calling telling me to let it go and that I punished him enough by kicking him out of the hospital.”
Another User Comments:
“You’re NTJ, but you will be if you don’t take a 360 look at this relationship before you expose your daughter to it anymore.
He is behaving like a child and that is not someone you can count on as a partner. Plus seeing your daughter’s reluctance with him as a challenge to overcome? That’s the parental version of the ‘nice guy/creep.’
Women learn how to relate to men in part from the family structures they grow up with.
Good father figures encourage girls to know their worth and set healthy boundaries. They are supportive without being overbearing. And they don’t put their own feelings over what is best for the kiddos and the family.
Seems to me that the lesson she is learning from this man you married is that her feelings and her boundaries don’t matter in the face of a man’s hurt feelings.
This is a dangerous lesson for her to absorb. If he’s not mature enough to do better by your daughter, and learn to occupy a spot in her life that is comfortable for her, you need to get him out of the mix.” JayMeiCee
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
If he GENUINELY cared for her, nothing would’ve stopped him from taking her to the hospital when she was hurt. That’s a parent.
Being childish and having a tantrum because a child (who has suffered major losses already) didn’t trust him on his schedule, in his way, for his gratification = not a parent.
He only cried and pretended to care about her when his actions were exposed to his mother.
He’s fake.
You can’t trust him to care for your child. On a basic level of bodily injury, never mind her emotional and mental well-being. Plus the sneaking into her therapy. He’s crossed SO MANY lines.” Sel-Reddit
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
A lot of people here seem to have missed that your daughter has lost TWO father figures.
First her dad and then her uncle. Of course, she is going to struggle to bond with a new father figure. And yet despite this, as you say, she still attempted to behave politely with him.
This seems to be more than your husband was capable of doing.
First, he attempted to force a fatherly relationship with a traumatized girl. Then when he didn’t instantly get the emotional gratification he was seeking, he violated her further by snooping on her therapy sessions. Take the ‘step’ part out of the equation.
If a biological parent intruded on a journal or a therapy session their child thought was private, THAT would massively shatter the trust between parent and child. Instead of reflecting on his actions, he decided to take his ball and stomp home.
His hurt feelings are entirely of his own doing.
Lastly, who the heck takes out their sore ego on an injured child who needs to go to the hospital? The ‘well if he’s not her father then he doesn’t have to do that’ logic is wild to me.
I would drive a stranger to the hospital if they had no other way to get there.” crockofpot
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
So he tries to force a relationship with her after you said to give her space.
He then snoops through her therapy.
He then retaliates by saying he won’t do anything for her and ignores her after you RIGHTFULLY had a go at him for violating her privacy.
In other words, he is punishing you both for you pointing out he did something terrible and instead of taking accountability he goes 180 and starts to ignore her while blaming you both saying this is what she wanted.
In a medical situation, he ignored you both and straight up told you it’s bc he’s not her dad (throwing her feelings back at you, therefore, punishing you again).
He didn’t even try and make an excuse. Just straight up ‘not my responsibility.’ No compassion or worry for your daughter.
He only ‘cared’ when his mother got involved bc he didn’t want to look bad in front of her. Not a change of heart.
Literally, mummy is mad so I better look like a good boy to stay out of her bad book.
Why are you still with him! If you stay you are sending your daughter a message that it’s ok to be treated terribly so long as they give you gifts and say sorry.” Status-Pattern7539
16. AITJ For Kicking My Family Out Of My Apartment?
“For context, I’m a 20F and I have my own apartment. I’m a huge K-pop fan and have been since 5th grade. I have a huge collection of memorabilia I spent thousands of dollars on over the years.
A lot of my family never really liked that I’m a fan, and would make comments about the groups I like, especially my 15F cousin, who would make racist remarks towards them, even though I’m half Asian.
I keep all of my K-pop stuff in my room, I don’t like people going into my room.
I recently had my family over for dinner since they had never been to my place before, including my aunts and cousins. Since I liked to cook, I was in the kitchen prepping dinner while my family was scattered around the place.
My brother came up to me and said that my cousin had snuck into my room.
I rushed to my room to find that she had destroyed a lot of my stuff, including signed albums from when I went to fansigns, posters, and broken lightsticks.
She had scribbled sharpie on a lot of things and ripped apart things made from paper.
I was absolutely livid and I lashed out at everyone, the thing that I cared about so much was ruined, and I demanded that everyone leave.
I kicked everyone out of my apartment and I cried for hours.
For the next few days, my family had been messaging me about what a jerk I am for kicking them out in the rain on an empty stomach, and how it wasn’t a big deal about something so dumb being damaged.
They all went to social media saying how ridiculous I am and how I’m tearing the family apart.
They want me to apologize to them for ruining dinner, and for my cousin for yelling at her. My brother is on my side and says I don’t have to. This made me want to go low contact with my family for a while.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
I am so baffled. So your cousin is allowed to come into YOUR home and destroy your stuff for absolutely no reason and everyone is just okay with that??
And you’re wrong for not liking it?? They gaslighted you and excused your cousin’s disgusting and destructive behavior.
You have nothing to apologize for, especially when they put all this on social media so they could play the victim. Cut all these people out of your life right now. If they don’t care about this, they won’t care about anything else in your life.
They obviously don’t have any respect for things you find important and hold dear.
Screw everyone except your brother. If I was your cousin’s parent I would make them mow lawns, babysit, do whatever to get the money to pay you back with interest.” InformalGarlic2285
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
Your family doesn’t have to like or agree with your hobbies, but in your own home, they need to respect them.
I would be sending an invoice for the cost of the damage and say if you’re not reimbursed, you will press charges.
I can maybe understand a toddler ruining things as they don’t understand what they’re doing, but at 15 your cousin knew exactly what she was doing.” Scarlettohara1605
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
They disrespected you and your place. They deserved the boot. Not your problem if they were hungry or if it was raining. It’s YOUR apartment and your rules.
Good on you for showing them that they’ll only get respect by commanding (not demanding) respect.
Are any of your things salvageable or is everything damaged beyond repair?” ElevatorOk8601
15. AITJ For Wanting To Travel With A Different Airline?
“I (26f) have been planning a vacation with my partner (24f) for some time now. I’ve found the destination and resort and picked out the dates for when we’re going. Despite the vacation being a little under a year away, we’re getting close to needing to book the trip since the island is small and the resorts fill up fast.
My partner and I are both members of a specific airline, so we normally choose to fly only with that airline.
Where we live, flights within that airline are not ideal for the trip. The available flights (which are very slim pickings) for our dates are astronomically high in price and have ridiculously long layovers (4+ hours) in the worst possible airports.
Not to mention, our departing flight would leave our home airport at 6 AM, and our return flight would land at our home airport after midnight which would result in us having to board our dog for two extra nights. If we chose this airline, our flights would cost close to $1,700.
After doing some research, I found that we could get straight through flights (both departing and returning) on a different airline for about half the price as our preferred airline (no, it is NOT Spirit airlines lol).
On top of that, the flights are reasonable times to where we wouldn’t have to pay for two extra nights to board our dog.
I brought this up to my partner tonight and she immediately shut it down and said she doesn’t want to fly any airline that isn’t our preferred airline.
I tried explaining to her that we could save around $800 dollars on the trip if we chose to fly with a different airline and she wasn’t having it.
I plan to propose on this vacation (my partner knows this. It’s the main reason we’re going) and while I didn’t bring this up in the conversation, I don’t think she realizes I also am paying at least $1,200 for a ring.
I ended up telling her that I don’t think I would be able to afford to pay for a vacation and an engagement ring if we don’t choose to fly with the cheaper airline. She kind of made me feel like crap about it because I said ‘saving $800 dollars should be a no-brainer.’ The only perk we would get by flying with our normal airline would be we wouldn’t have to pay for our checked bags.
But the price to check a bag doesn’t come close to making up the cost of the cheaper flight.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
Saving money AND getting better flight times is never a jerk move. You state that you explained all this to her and she isn’t having it, but does she really understand it or is she just fixated on flying a particular airline, no matter how inconvenient and expensive compared to the alternative you proposed? I have to wonder.
If she just won’t come around to your point of view, would it make any difference if you told her you could get a less expensive ring for her to make up the difference? She might look at that as being manipulative, but if you really can’t afford the vacation and the ring you bought if you do it her way (i.e., on her preferred airline), maybe it’s a compromise she could live with? Just a thought.” napathon
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
An airline is not a football team that you need to pay loyalty to! It’s a company that sells a service. You should buy the most convenient service for you. That’s why there are different offers! Paying double the price for double the inconvenience sounds extremely unreasonable.
I hate to be the one sounding the red flag banner here but, before you get married, I think you must have a serious talk with your partner about her money aspirations and the financial management of the couple once married.
She might have a different expectation.” Upset_Reflection8320
Another User Comments:
“Not at all. I kinda understand where she’s coming from, it’s like how I don’t like the taco bell by my house cause they always mess up my order, but every other one doesn’t give me trouble.
But, she’s kind of the jerk because YOU are paying 1200 for a ring, regardless if she knows or not, and 800 bucks is a lot of money when you can get something cheaper for similar quality and then spend even less since you don’t have to board the dog for extra time.
I think you two will be able to find a workaround though, best of luck.” DesertEagleBennett
14. AITJ For Following My Culture In Front Of My Friend's Partner?
“I (23F, Korean) want to preface that I am good friends with both my friend and his partner. I met Riley (24F, White) in our first year of college. Jun (22M, Korean) is a close family friend of mine, we practically grew up together and he’s like a lil bro to me.
I actually introduced them both at a party, they hit it off and just recently started seeing each other after that. We have been a tight-knit trio ever since and there is no awkwardness between us. I’ve always respected if they just wanted to do activities as a couple and I would happily tag along with them if they ever invited me without them making me feel weird or out of place.
Until yesterday.
While we were eating out at a Korean resto, I offered to put one of the side dishes in Riley’s bowl because it goes well with the meal we were eating. In Korean culture, it is very common to do this as a form of affection and I’ve grown up with this practice with my own family and other Korean friends (including Jun).
She just politely refused because she didn’t want it but I knew Jun liked that side dish so I just put it in his bowl instead (I was going to anyway but just offered Riley first as I wanted her to try it).
At one point, the same thing happens except Jun puts food in my bowl after Riley declines it first.
Riley later facetimes me explaining her grievances. I say I’m shocked she’s acting like this suddenly and asked where it was stemming from? She gives me some odd explanation about how we are basically sharing our saliva by giving each food using our own chopsticks.
What the heck?! I explain to her the cultural practice behind it all and she says she understands but it’s more of a boundary issue, not a cultural attack. She says as a friend to both of them and knowing they are together, I should respect this.
I text Jun and he says he also doesn’t agree with her as it literally means nothing but BECAUSE it’s really nothing, we should just not do it at least when she’s in front of us.
Fine, okay.
Except no.
Because today, Riley sends me an angry text saying she saw our messages and feels we are going behind her back over a simple request that shouldn’t be hard to accept. I’m fed up at this point and say she’s acting like a weirdo.
Still, I say I won’t do it in front of her out of respect so she doesn’t get uncomfortable or upset, but it’s a habitual and cultural practice that I can’t and won’t completely drop just because she tells me to.
She’s currently giving me the silent treatment and so is Jun.
AITJ here?”
Another User Comments:
“You’re NTJ for your food culture.
Nor is she for asking you to respect the boundary when she is around. However. This is NOT something she gets to police or have power over because she ‘doesn’t like it’.
I personally think it’s a beautiful food culture in Korea, where food is always a communal thing and is meant to be shared with friends and loved ones.
New flavor combinations sent around the table, I think it’s endearing!
So as per your food culture, sure she won’t like it, so it’s ok she doesn’t have to participate. And if Jun wants to respect her wish about that too, it’s fine.
But she has no right to stop you completely from doing it. Also, the fact you aren’t allowed to chat with your own friend means she’s either really insecure in herself, or she’s jealous of what a good friendship you and Jun have and is taking that out of context.
Unfortunately a very common thing here in the states. Lots of drama!
As for Jun also giving you the silent treatment? I bet $5 she told him to stop talking to you. Or she’s deleting your messages before he reads them, or she blocked you on his stuff and he doesn’t know.
She’s behind this. Best of luck Op, these situations are weird. People here like to misread things almost on purpose sometimes to spark chaos, sorry you got wrapped up in it.” Osabear92
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She’s uncomfortable and doesn’t understand. Could you invite her to a family gathering where this cultural difference would happen? Maybe have his family explain? It’s definitely not a you problem.” Maleficent_Caramel58
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but on the other hand, it’s a simple request to respect to avoid trouble, even if it’s just when she is around. Why is she going through his messages with you? Red flag. It should be up to Jun to rectify this with his decision too.” LeanOnGreen
13. AITJ For Stealing My Sister's Dog?
“My sister ‘Layla’ and I have always had a contentious relationship. The older we’ve gotten the worse it’s gotten. If there’s ever anything Layla can do to make me unhappy she’ll do it. I’ve always been an animal lover and for the last 12 years, I’ve adopted several animals that are either sick, old, or both, and made sure their last days, months, and years are happy and loving.
It’s given me a great deal of joy and I intend to do it as long as my finances allow. Three months ago my most recent adopted dog, ‘Stewie’, passed away from complications of cancer, and a month ago I was finally ready to adopt again and saw this absolutely beautiful dog, Mollie, on the humane society website.
She’s 13 and has kidney issues but they said she was full of love and just needed someone to want her. Apparently, she’s been at the shelter for three years with no takers.
I told my mom about Mollie and literally, two days later Layla announced that she had adopted Mollie from the shelter.
Layla doesn’t even like dogs, but our mom accidentally said something to her, and knowing the dog would bring me joy she went out and adopted her before I could. I begged her to let me take her but Layla said no.
Layla is so indifferent and cold to Mollie. It pains me to see how she treats her. She either ignores Mollie or she’s being so mean. I go visit Mollie whenever I can. The other night Mollie got sick and threw up all over Layla’s new area rug.
Layla yelled at Mollie the entire time she cleaned up while Mollie stood in the corner cowering and whimpering. Layla is so impatient with Mollie, when she pays attention to Mollie it’s only to shout at her. But when I visit Mollie is sweet and loving.
After the events of the other night, I decided I was taking Mollie regardless of the consequences.
I work from home so I waited for Layla to leave for work, used my key, and went in and took Mollie home with me. She’s been with me for 3 days and is totally a different dog. She’s happy and bright and outgoing now, as opposed to depressed and scared like she was at Layla’s.
Of course, Layla is ticked off and is threatening to involve the police but she also hasn’t exactly done anything else except call me, text me, and talk trash about me to our parents. Our parents keep telling me I need to give Mollie back so Layla will shut up.
I have not and will not give the dog back and if the police do become involved, I will tell them exactly how Layla mistreated Mollie and hope to God they see my POV.
AITJ for stealing my sister’s dog?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I would be fine with dealing with police and courts to stop the terrible treatment of any animal but most especially a sick animal and if I had to I would hide the dog somewhere so she can not get her back consequences be darned but that is me.
If the dog was adopted out of a good rescue there may be a clause that allows them to take her back because of the torture and then you can legally adopt her. Change your locks and be on guard for your sister to try and take her back if she doesn’t press charges.
All my support and love for devoting your life and finances to rescue dogs no one wants. And please never tell your parents again about any dogs until you have them in your home.” familydogsandwine
Another User Comments:
“ESH.
There is evidence your sister is neglecting her dog.
Verbally or more than that. Cowering is very concerning.
However, you still committed theft. You can say you’ll explain to the police all you want, but that is just so far beyond naïve that it baffles me. They cannot and will not just say ‘oh ok never mind!’
You should have looked up how to report animal abuse/cruelty in your area.
Really, OP, this could blow up really badly in your face.
Depending on where you live, this could be time in jail not just a fine. Which can royally mess up things like your job and ability to get apartments.
And what will happen to Mollie then? She’ll be back alone with your sister.
Possibly having the stress of this ordeal taken out on her.
It is hard to follow a slow process with things like this. I understand why you did it, but doing it the right way is better for Mollie and you.” SlammyWhammies
Another User Comments:
“ESH.
You cannot just take someone’s pet from their home, no matter how much better the dog would be taken from that environment. You should have gathered evidence, like video/pictures/recordings/screenshots, then reported her to the shelter, the local animal society, and the police for terrible treatment.
You’ve blown the chance to collect good evidence now so the best thing you can try and do now is leverage your knowledge of bad treatment against your sister to try to get her to sign over ownership of Mollie to you.
Otherwise, you should return her dog and then report her for neglect immediately.
Either way, you need to go no contact with Layla and your parents. Layla is a horrible human being who will always try to ruin your life while your parents support and enable her behaviors.
I hope you and Mollie end up in a safe and happy home(s).” braw_mince
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
Listen I think you’re 100 percent in the right for this, but just know if she calls the cops it could cause serious issues in your life.
The people saying they’re certain cops won’t do anything about it have no clue what they’re talking about, and it’s really messed up that they’re giving you advice on something they apparently don’t know anything about.
Is there a chance they won’t do anything about it? Sure, but I know for a fact that’s not always the case.
One of my friends lived in a shared house with a person who beat up and just all around terrorized his dog.
It was so bad if he even raised up his fist the dog would pee itself right in the house. I don’t know how they ever proved it was her but one day she waited till nobody was home, grabbed the dog, and took it to an animal lover friend a couple of hours away.
They originally tried coming after me also since I was the one who drove them, but I refused to say a single word to them and hired a lawyer.
After I hired the lawyer they never bothered me again, but despite me helping her get a lawyer, and telling her to not say anything she wasn’t so lucky.
She was charged with a felony. This was about 7-8 years ago, and the felony has had a HUGE negative impact on her life that she’s never really recovered from.
It’s so insanely messed up that this is the way the system works, but you need to ask yourself if this is something you’re willing to jeopardize your entire life for.” Dust601
12. AITJ For Distancing Myself And My Kids From My Family?
“My husband (36m) and I (36f) have been together 20 years, married for 13. We have 2 kids (11m and 3f).
Since the very beginning, my family of origin (Mother, Father, and Sister) have been overly involved in our relationship. They had/have strong opinions on everything.
I have health issues which means my functionality varies from day to day.
My husband is supportive and despite rough patches, we are a team. I have begun to put up stronger boundaries with my family and begun to distance our family/kids’ lives from my family of origin. Over the last few years any time I share what is happening in our lives or with my health I have asked my parents not to share it with anyone.
They repeatedly have continued to share news/gossip etc. Add to this that my mother has started to have issues, she gets sick really often, and she falls frequently. I have had conversations with her regarding her health, but she insists that she is fine.
I disagree as she has run red lights and given our youngest food/drink that she is severely allergic to when caring for her.
My sister has made any family event about herself (for example running to the bathroom to cry because I told her to not ruin a surprise gift, sulking during a child’s birthday party because she was fighting with her husband.) It’s constant and she plays victim to life in all aspects of her life.
Because of all this, and my parents telling me that I’m a crappy sister because I won’t engage in the negative feedback cycle, my husband and I have decided that my parents will only be allowed to see our kids while we are there and must not drive with my kids in the car.
I no longer reach out to set up times for sister to visit the kids because she cancels last minute.
Now my mother is saying that I’m punishing her for getting older and I’m keeping her at arm’s length and stopping her from having a relationship with her grandchildren.
She also says I have no right to keep my sister away from my kids, and I should be more understanding regarding her health issues. This makes me feel guilty, but I am trying to keep everyone safe. So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
Your children’s safety is your first and foremost concern, and if she is doing things like running red lights and giving your daughter food or drink she is allergic to, then yes, you do need to limit contact. And let’s face it, your sister is not someone you want your kids around, so it is also right to limit contact with her.
My guess is you have explained all this to your mother to the point you are blue in the face, and she has refused to listen or acknowledge your concerns. If so, stop trying and just maintain your boundaries.” ChapSteve711
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
Time to step up the low contact and end calls with Mom when the guilt trips start. Nobody has a right to time with your kids that you do not grant, and I imagine you’d be more understanding about Mom’s health issues if she weren’t allowing them to endanger the kids instead of making excuses about ‘just getting older.’ If she’d rather complain than do what needs to be done to fix that to the extent that it can be fixed, and find a way to live with the restrictions necessary to deal with what can’t be in a safe manner, she needs to accept that these are the consequences.” mm172
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
Your mom says you have no right to keep your sister away from your kids, what the heck? She proves she’s crazy with that one statement.
You aren’t being spiteful, you’re putting your children’s welfare above your mom’s feelings because you’re a responsible parent.
And screw your sister, once again it’s about her, you trying to be happy and keep your family happy and safe IS NOT ABOUT THEM. Just literally flip everything they say back because they’re being hypocrites so it’s very easy to do.
Them: ‘You’re being a bad sister by x and y and x.’
You: ‘You’re being a bad parent by attempting to guilt me regarding my extremely reasonable boundaries.’
Them: ‘You’re punishing me for getting older.’
You: ‘You’re so selfish you’d rather risk harming your grandchild (remember that red light ran and severe allergic reaction caused?!) than admit you’re getting older and things are changing for you.'” DrippyMagoo
11. AITJ For Throwing My Neighbor's Welcome Mat In The Trash?
“I (single 33f) just got my 7-month-old service dog in training fixed and, as a result of him figuring out how to lick the wound while wearing his cone, I had to put him on antibiotics that gave him stomach issues of the liquid variety.
(This is important for later). This stomach issue has been going on for two days and things are just returning to normal as of his walk after dinner tonight.
The issue in question is that last night I took my pup out to potty and saw that another dog had left a solid present on my neighbor’s welcome mat.
I did nothing about it as my puppy needed to go outside and I really didn’t want to try to clean up dog diarrhea in the hall. Thankfully we made it in time and I completely forgot about my neighbor’s welcome mat, even though I waved at my neighbor walking by while the pup was doing his business.
I remember seeing it this morning, but I didn’t see it as my responsibility because it wasn’t my dog’s mess.
I wasn’t going to be late to work just to clean up after someone else’s dog. The waste was still there when I got home and when I went to take my dog out before bed tonight my neighbor had taken the doormat and put it, and the feces, on top of mine.
Rather than confront me (even though it wasn’t my dog’s mess and I am not the only dog owner in this building/on this floor) they just assumed it was my pup and decided to be passive-aggressive about it.
Here is where I might be the jerk.
I made the snap decision to glove up and put the whole thing (including the welcome mat) in a trash bag and then I tossed it in the dumpster behind the building. I could have just cleaned it up and dropped the mat back in front of their door like a nice person, but when you play stupid games you win stupid prizes.
So… am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
Your neighbor left dog poo on your doorstep, you disposed of it. If they’d bothered to talk to you about it you could have explained, but instead, they gifted you a pile of poo and a free doormat. If they object, tell them you felt attacked (I mean, leaving dog feces on someone’s doorstep is legitimately disturbing) and took steps to remove the object of offense.
The fact that you do own a dog doesn’t excuse someone else’s gross behavior, especially since they took no steps to determine if you were responsible for the mess.” PNWPainter02
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
I hate irresponsible dog owners. They cause all kinds of trouble for neighbors.
I had a neighbor who would leave his dogs tied up outside in our trailer park and never clean up after them. I guess the trailer park came knocking about all the ‘land mines’ on his front lawn and my back and he actually tried to say it was my dog.
Trailer park called me and I told them ‘Nope, don’t have a dog. Still only cats. Indoor cats. Who only bother me with their crap.’ I informed them the guy would leave the dogs tied up outside and had to fight with him to take the dog in so I could mow my backyard.
(no fences in this park).
I guess animal control took the dogs the next time they were tied out as they were not listed as having them, he denied having them, and I denied them. The neighbors left overnight.” Formal_Air1697
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
A similar thing happened to us – we were living in the basement flat so every time we came from a walk, we let our dog out of the leash to run to our door. One time, he ran past on the stairs and above before my SO managed to take him back home.
Then our neighbor told us our dog peed near their door. We apologized even though we didn’t think he would have time to do it without us noticing. Well then one day, I was on the other side of the country with my dog when my SO got a call from the neighbors that our dog peed near their door again.
Which of course he couldn’t as he wasn’t in the city for the past few days. Turns out another dog was peeing near their door of course, but it’s always easier to blame the new people with the pupper I guess.” Old_Honeydew_8086
10. AITJ For Arguing With My Mother Over Keeping A Camera In My Room?
“I am 17 years old, graduating in a few weeks. I have an older sister, aged 22, who was swayed by bad influence. She was caught when she was 16 drinking, doing illegal substances, smoking, etc. These were all particularly bad as it is a grave sin in our religion to perform such acts.
At the time, when she was caught, I was 12-13 and just reaching that year period where one will define his personality, etc. Hopefully, you understand what I mean by this.
Thus, after seeing my parents’ reaction to my sister’s acts, I got quite scared of my parents (I will not specify why, but I think it’s inferable).
In stark contrast to my sister, and with the aim of keeping that, I studied a lot.
I got good grades, always was honest with my parents, told them everything I did and did not get swayed by bad influences.
I am now graduating in two weeks and I’m having my final exams these past 2 months. And my mom has kept a camera to watch me in my studying spot.
My mom did this during my mid-year exams but she was watching what everyone was doing, when everyone was leaving, etc., so my dad had told her to keep it away.
Now she has brought it back under the reason that I have exams and that I might act like my sister when I have given no reason to believe so.
I do study, but I feel like I have no privacy. I feel like someone is watching me over my shoulder, and it sucks the energy out of me to study when I notice the camera.
Like any kid, I tend to use my phone in between but not to the point that I do not study. I argued with my mom and intend to argue more but AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your mom sounds like an insane control freak jerk though.
You said your father said there is no reason for the camera to be up still, then maybe go to him and tell him it’s distracting from your studying. He seems like he may be the more reasonable one. You shouldn’t have to suffer the consequences of your sister’s decisions.
I also wonder if your mom’s controlling ways are a part of why your sister rebelled so much… You insinuate that there will be some sort of retaliation or punishment that you’re afraid of that has you scared of your parents which worries me.
Your parents also need to realize that kids that are smothered and sheltered before going off to college/university end up being the kids that go wild when finally free.” Ohnowhatnoww
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. But try telling your Mom again that having the camera trained on you is hurting your concentration.
If she is so adamant about monitoring you why isn’t she in the house with you rather than taping you? That way she could bring you snacks, etc. Perhaps she would go for that? Or does she not want her own life impacted? I mean having you taped is very invasive.
Good luck. At least you only have a few weeks to go. You could also let your mom know that if exams go poorly you are going to hold her responsible as she distracted you so much.” Lshubin
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. That’s an invasion of privacy.
Also, you’re literally weeks away from being on your own. Make sure to set boundaries if you go to college.
Also, the world is a big place. If you’ve been staying on the straight and narrow to please your parents then be prepared to set standards for yourself and experience new things.” _doppler_ganger_
9. AITJ For Disinviting My Dad To My Birthday Party?
“So I (22f) live with my parents due to being disabled. My dad for the majority of my life has had horrible hygiene problems. He works from home and because of recent events, has barely gone out. He thinks that because he’s not seeing people, he doesn’t have to take care of his hygiene, despite my mom and I being affected by it.
When I talk about bad hygiene, I mean leaving beard trimmings on the bathroom counter, getting his hair all over the kitchen appliances and counters, and sometimes not showering or brushing his teeth. He once went a month without showering just as a social experiment.
He also wears the same clothes for weeks on end without washing them.
Anyways, my dad has gone 2 years without a haircut. At first, it was because he couldn’t go out to get one, but then he started setting personal goals for himself.
He wanted to go a year without cutting his hair, then 2 years, now going onto 3. Frankly, it’s disgusting. It’s down past his shoulders and it’s everywhere. It goes all over the house, in our food (TMI), and he barely ever washes it.
My mom and I have been begging him to cut it, but he keeps making up excuses.
My 23rd birthday is coming up in a few weeks, so to celebrate, I’m inviting some friends over. It’s the first time I’ve seen a lot of my friends in years altogether in one place.
Frankly, last year was hard for me since I lost a majority of my friend group, so making new friends has been hard and I’m looking forward to spending time with them at my birthday gathering.
I told my dad that he has to get a haircut because he’s going to be handling food and I don’t want my friends to see my dad’s long hair around the food (he has a habit of leaning over the food) or find it in the food.
He said he would, but he’s yet to make an appointment. He keeps making up excuses. To be honest, I’m a bit embarrassed having him at the party and having my friends be grossed out. I used to get bullied in elementary school for having semi-bad hygiene so ever since then, I’ve been super self-aware of the way I smell, look, etc.
I don’t want my friends to think we’re a gross family.
My mom and I got in a screaming match with my dad today because he refused to go get his haircut despite us pleading with him. It eventfully came to a head and I gave him an ultimatum.
Either he has to get his hair cut, or he can’t come to my party. My mom and sister are on my side but I feel like I was a little harsh. Especially since he’s going to be doing a lot of heavy lifting and prep work for the party.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but there could be an alternative that doesn’t force him to give up his autonomy. If he doesn’t want to cut his hair, he shouldn’t have to; it’s his body. However, it is your party and if he refuses to at least clean up properly in order to ensure food safety (and to give a good impression to your friends), it is completely valid to un-invite him.
Perhaps suggest a hair net or an up do that completely secures his hair? Or make his plate and ask him not to lean over the food?” tanairy
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He made his decision of being gross and neglecting very basic hygiene standards, but he cannot expect everyone to put up with it.
Moreover, he knows how important it is for you and still decides to not do anything about it. The decision of excluding him from a social event is not on you, he took it himself.” ImAVerySpicySalad
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – you shouldn’t have to force him to cut his hair, that is his prerogative, but having basic hygiene is something you can definitely demand of him for your party.
Having an ultimatum that he should at least look presentable and wear a hair net while preparing food isn’t too much to ask.” Zagriel55
8. AITJ For Tearing Up A Card My Sister Made Me?
“My mom married my stepdad around 8 years ago. He had a daughter of his own who is a year older than me. We were pretty happy for a long time and my step sister and I were pretty close. Things changed a few years ago.
Her mom moved back to the state and gained some custody. Her mom is from a wealthy family and is a doctor herself.
She is so darn annoying now. She constantly mocks my mom and dad for not being as rich as her mom.
She also treats mom like trash and constantly belittles her. My mom has an accent and she makes fun of her for it. She is almost an adult and she is still such a jerk to my mom who loves her a lot.
My sister was visiting us and she was bragging about the laptop her mom bought her.
I would have just ignored it but she then asked my mom what laptop I use and she couldn’t have imagined how crappy her life would have been if her mom hadn’t moved back and she didn’t realize how miserable she had been.
I told her to shut up and I tried to move on but I couldn’t do it.
I was just so angry. It has been two years of nonstop bull crap that my mom just puts up with. I really wanted to get back at her and I grabbed this cute card she had made for my birthday years ago.
I had kept it because she had put a ton of effort into it. I just tore it up and threw it next to her door.
I really really regret it. That card meant a lot to me. It really did and I destroyed it even though she doesn’t care about me anymore.
She saw it and she is not speaking to anyone in the house and she looks really shocked and I feel miserable. Even though she is a jerk a lot, I still miss listening to her talk and I so regret this.
My mom and stepdad think I didn’t think things clearly through and I shouldn’t have reacted the way I had.
He has talked to her and grounded her for speaking to mom like that and I feel like a jerk for destroying something I hold a lot of value to.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
Everyone has an emotional breaking point. You found yours. After bottling up your hurt and anger for so long, it was only natural to explode from the pressure.
You are not TJ for feeling the way you do, or for overreacting in the heat of the moment.
You are only human, and you held it in for a very long time. But for your own mental and emotional health you need to develop better coping mechanisms. Family and/or individual talk therapy could be helpful in teaching you how to regulate and express your emotions in a healthy way (pro-tip: communication!) as well as help your step sister understand why she feels compelled to overcompensate.
I rather suspect that deep down, she fears her mother is substituting money for love. Ask yourself this: every time she announces how much happier she is now that her mom is back in the picture, who is she trying to convince?” velkana
Another User Comments:
“Oh, goodness.
You’re NTJ because of how she’s been treating you and your mom, but it sounds like all four of you need to sit down and have a talk. Not to jump down your sister’s throat because that won’t help, but to tell her that you’re hurt by her actions and that you really miss the family dynamic you used to have.
As someone whose bio mom made an active effort to turn me against my dad and stepfamily, I can tell you that your sister is likely in a lot of turmoil right now. It’s human nature to want your mother’s approval over everyone else.
But it sounds like you tearing up that card really upset her, which tells me that she still cares about you as a sister.
Whatever you do, try to approach your sister with as much kindness as possible. You do not have to accept her cruelty, but responding in kind will only push her away further.” petitsoleil131
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
Sit her down, talk to her. Ask her to just let you speak for a minute without interrupting and tell her how you’ve been feeling. Let her speak afterward, too, so you both get a chance. But do your best to keep it an open dialogue and not make it an argument.
You did something you regret, destroyed something that meant a lot to you, but the person who made it and the reason it meant a lot to you is still there. She’s been a jerk, but that doesn’t make your relationship unsalvageable.
You had a lot of feelings you didn’t know how else to express – now is the time to learn how to.
You can’t get the card back, but maybe it’ll be the sacrifice needed to get the relationship with your sister back.
Maybe she didn’t quite realize the gravity of her behavior until then. She might be resistant to your feelings at first, but to understand how you feel she has to hear it clearly from you first.
It’s not the end of the world. Once you guys make up, you’ll grow and both be better for it, and there’ll be more cards.” sponge-cakey
7. AITJ For Telling My Friend It's Not Okay To Leave Without Saying Goodbye?
“Last weekend I (25f) went clubbing with some friends (22f – let’s call her Amanda), (24f), (28m) and (21m) (other three aren’t that relevant for the story).
We had been warming up and drinking at my place and later hit a popular nightclub.
The guys had gone home, so it was just us three girls having fun and dancing the night away – we were all pretty intoxicated by then. Amanda suddenly vanished out of nowhere, at first we thought she had gone to the bathroom, but after about 30 minutes we got worried and wrote her a message asking where she was (she’s not the type to usually just disappear).
When she didn’t answer, we decided to split up and go look for her. We spend an hour searching for her, I called her several times and sent countless messages, and even though I could see she was online, she didn’t answer.
Well after an hour she finally replies ‘I’m okay’ with no further explanation. By then I was extremely worried (thought something had happened to her), kind of angry at her lack of communication and really tired, I wanted to go home so I asked her to pick up the phone when I called so we could find each other and leave.
Turns out she had gone home without saying anything, so 24f and I went home – I wrote Amanda a message saying it wasn’t okay to just leave without sending a text or something because we got really worried about her.
She answered a few hours later, saying that she had felt excluded, and decided to leave and it was unfair of me to ‘throw that message in her face’ because it made her feel guilty and also pointed out it had taken us 30-40 minutes to text her after she was gone.
I answered and explained why I got so worried and apologized profusely for making her feel excluded. I know what it feels like to be excluded (especially in a group of three), and I wouldn’t wish it on anyone, so I tried to come up with solutions if it happened again and said she should tell me when it happened so I can make an effort to include her more.
It was a pretty long message because I wanted to explain my side, but also wanted to hear her side of the story. She ended up writing sorry for being unavailable when I tried calling her but didn’t further elaborate on what happened and we haven’t been in contact since.
We were supposed to go to a festival today, but she canceled yesterday saying she was volunteering at a different festival.
I’m starting to think I was way out of line and shouldn’t have said anything, I think she is still mad but I don’t know what else to do and am still confused about what happened that night. My sister said I shouldn’t have gotten so upset about the disappearance, because some people prefer to just leave without saying anything.
I would like to know if I should have just accepted that Amanda left, instead of making a big deal about it and writing her a message saying it wasn’t okay.
So, am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She did it on purpose to see ‘how much you cared’, or else she wouldn’t have even noticed that it ‘took you’ time to check up on her after she vanished.
Avoid further manipulation from her and let her exclude herself.
Also, girls out in public, especially when drinking, generally follow certain guidelines for safety. This means not leaving someone behind because something terrible could happen to her. It means knowing where your girls are at throughout the night.” laeiryn
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
It’s basic consideration to communicate with the people you arrive at an event with if you intend to leave without them. You spent nearly an hour looking for her due to her inconsiderate decision. It wouldn’t have been that hard for her to say she wasn’t feeling it and wanted to go home.
If she can’t follow that basic decency rule, I’m not sure why you’d want her along anymore anyways.
Did you enjoy being scared and thinking about all of the dark possibilities that could have become her that night? Why would you want to go through it again?” jammy913
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It is totally rude to disappear without saying anything.
She did it on purpose to see how long it would take you to notice she was gone. Then she let you guys panic about her as punishment until she finally let you know where she was.
Your ‘friend’ is a passive-aggressive jerk with a flair for the dramatic.
What are you going to do the next time she disappears? You won’t know whether to look for her or blow it off. Nope. She’s way too much trouble.” psatty
6. AITJ For Freaking Out On My Sister For Revealing My Personal info?
“I (15m) have a sister (16f) who I feel like always hated me. She never wanted to do anything with me and when I ask she gives me an attitude and storms off like I did something to her. She acts like the house she lives in is hers and she can treat me like crap and not get any consequences.
I usually let it slide however cause A) she’s my sister and I care and don’t want her to get in trouble and B) it’s just going to start more problems.
Here is where I’ve snapped. I take medicine every day for many reasons.
Mainly ADHD since I have it severely. Keep that in mind.
One day, one of my student council meetings got canceled due to my SC teacher being overbooked. I had to catch the bus at the elementary school because I was not informed about the cancellation.
When I get on the bus, I see my sister almost immediately staring at me with a disgusted look on her face. Then she almost to the point screamed ‘DID YOU TAKE YOUR MEDS TODAY?’
I was livid. I told her to keep that to herself many times but she won’t.
By now, the whole bus is staring me down. It was embarrassing. I look at my sister with a death stare. She was laughing, trying to make her friends laugh too but they were in total shock that she said that.
I sit down, trying not to lose my mind until we got home. When we finally start walking up to our road, I start screaming at her. Asking her why she would do that even though she knows not to, not just for my embarrassment, but also so nobody takes it the wrong way.
She told me it was not that big of a deal and it’s fine. I told her to shut the heck up before I do the same to her butt. She told me to stop being so dramatic. I told her to screw off and stormed off.
One of her friends chased me and told me she was way out of line.
Not an hour later, my dad gets a phone call from a parent. One of the kids snitched to their parent. Here is how it went.
Parent: Hey, I’ve called about your son.
There have been kids smoking at the back of the bus and I think your child is part of that.
Dad: Why do you say that?
Parent: Because your daughter asked if your son took his meds and I don’t know what she means by that.
Dad: Thanks for your concern, my son has to take daily meds for ADHD and a couple of other things.
Parent: Ok I just wanted to make sure that he was safe.
Have a great night!
My sister got yelled at by our parents. I told my friends about this in a group chat. Almost everyone but a few girls agreed with me. Those few girls said that it was not that big of a deal and I should grow up.
Was I too harsh?
Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Furthermore, your father shouldn’t have told the other parent WHAT you take medication for. I know he did it offhandedly and without thinking, but no one besides doctors needs to know your medical history.
At best he should have stated that you take prescribed medication for a medical issue.
Your response to your sister was a measured response given the situation. You have nothing to feel bad about. At most (and it’s a personal choice) you may elect not to curse next time.
I certainly don’t blame you for it, but there are ways to get your point across without resorting to cursing and you will sound all the more educated and cultured for it.” 51225
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
I was diagnosed with ADHD really young and had a terrible experience in school.
Worst was elementary school, every day at the end of noon announcements they would call ONLY me and by my full, embarrassingly long hyphenated name, to come down to the office to take my medication.
Combine that with all the other crap, and I grew up incredibly insecure.
I was convinced I was flawed or hopeless or what have you because that’s how I was treated for so long.
What your sister is doing is messed up.” MAS7
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. As an older sister myself, I want to assure you that she doesn’t hate you.
In my experience, trying to appear more grown-up means being condescending to your younger siblings which can be very hurtful. Y’all are at some tough ages too which doesn’t make anything easier. I hope for you that with time you two will be able to find some common ground and start to heal your relationship. Until then, hang in there! Family has a very distinct way of getting under your skin, but it does get better.” c8xo
5. AITJ For Uninviting My Father To My Wedding?
“This week has been, a lot. I, 25/F, and my mom, 48/F, have been having suspicions about my father, 48/M, doing something for the last month and a half. Last week we uncovered a lot of disgusting texts, and other evidence of my father actively being unfaithful with a 28/F.
He denied everything for the first 5 days, gaslighting her and calling me stupid for believing anything she’s said. He met this other woman at work, in his same department, and said she just texts him to annoy him. But again, we saw the texts where they discussed the nights they spent together and other graphic and descriptive things.
Finally, on day 6 he admits he was unfaithful, but won’t say the extent and continues to gaslight us about everything else. He’s now making a lot of promises I’m sure will be empty. Mom wants a divorce and I support her 100%.
She’s struggling to let go because it’s been 26 years.
Almost my entire life, I watched my mom get treated horribly by him, physically, mentally, and emotionally. When I reached a certain age, I was also treated horribly, and the system continued to fail us.
In the last 10 or so years, he has mellowed out with physical altercations, but everything else remains. I have four younger siblings as well, but he hasn’t done any of this with them. There have been a few other times we thought he was being unfaithful, but couldn’t find the proof.
I haven’t had a great relationship with him, but in the last few years, we have been okay, good even. So much so that I actually was wanting him to walk me down the aisle. It seemed like he was finally being the dad I needed.
Currently, I don’t think I can look at this man without throwing up.
I tried so hard to give him the benefit of doubt and tried thinking of everything I could praying he was innocent. We finally made it. My mom is a mess, of course, and besides the fact that I think it would make her uncomfortable, I don’t think I can handle him being there, let alone even talking to him.
My relationship with my fiancé is founded on love, trust, and communication, and bringing this into my wedding just… I don’t think I will be able to separate my father’s actions and not let them upset me all day.
I think this was the last straw and it’s not something I can put past myself. I haven’t talked to him since everything happened, nor mentioned this because I’m terrified, but he’s already blocked me on social media and has made no attempt to apologize to me for any of this even though my mom and I are suffering all the consequences of his actions while he’s continuing to see this woman.
So, am I the jerk for excluding him?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
It’s YOUR wedding. The guest list is up to you. What’s the point of having him in there if it’s going to ruin such a happy day?
Also, don’t worry about him being offended for not being invited. If he goes ‘but it’s your WEDDING’, remind him that he should have been more respectful of his own marriage, wife, and daughter.” ParadiseEva
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
It’s your wedding day. You can choose who is invited and who is not. You can even marry without any people around.
If you feel bad having him at the wedding, don’t let him come. That simple. (No matter who it is, father, friend, or whatever.)
Sounds like he’s a jerk anyway.
You don’t have to invite him just because it’s your father. No worries.” Potential_Speech_703
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
Your relationship with your father has not been great for your whole life, he sounds like a narcissist and your gut instinct is to ban him from your wedding…..
always trust your gut!!
Your father has blocked you at the moment so as hard and difficult as it is try using this as the time to remove him fully from your life.
The saddest part of being a child is realizing that one/both of your parents don’t put their kids first and on some level don’t care.” tigerz0973
4. AITJ For Yelling At My Mother?
“This happened back a couple of months ago. I came back to my family’s house to visit for a few weeks. I also changed my hairstyle completely from months before. One morning, I’m eating breakfast and my mom says ‘You look like a pig with that hair.’ I just ignore it.
Then we go to church and here is where the issue starts. I walk out with my mom from mass and we talk to the priest, who I hadn’t spoken to in a while. My mom tells the priest ‘he (points to me) looks like a pig with his hair right?’ The priest defends me and says it looks good, but I just at the moment wasn’t able to say anything.
It took me a while to process what happened. I went out to hang out with a friend, and I texted my mother the following:
‘I’m out right now. Also, stop calling me a pig to other people. I don’t like it.
Would you like it if others called you that? No! I won’t talk to you until you apologize to me in person.’
When I got home, I tell her what she did was wrong.
She says ‘Well the priest didn’t care, it’s fine since no one heard it.’
I tell her ‘You don’t call your own son a pig in public!’
She then tells me that it was just a joke, but then I tell her ‘Well it wasn’t funny at all!’
I then say what she did was absolutely stupid, and told her to admit to me that what she did was stupid.
She yells at me saying that I shouldn’t be raising my voice at my mother like that, and, angrily I yell ‘would you like it if I called you a witch in public?’
My dad comes in and tells me to stop, and then tells my mom that what she said was unnecessary.
I try to talk to her to apologize for yelling, but she doesn’t say a thing to me.
She yells at me for disrespecting her and yelling at her, and for the next couple of days, keeps talking to me even when I tell her to back off, talking to me about how it’s ‘bad to hold onto grudges’ and how ‘you have to forgive family.’ She then tried to explain her thought process to me, saying that she thought it was going to be taken as a joke and that she thought I’d understand it to be a joke.
I then yell at her saying ‘you clearly weren’t thinking AT ALL.’ She kept trying to explain why she thought it was right, but I kept telling her ‘I don’t care. You do not call your own child a pig in public.
I don’t care if only one person heard it. You’re a mother. Act like it.’
My mother then tells me that she’s still learning but I say ‘You’re over 40, still learning isn’t an excuse.’ We argue about how ‘Age doesn’t mean you know more,’ but there’s a certain point where that excuse holds true.
I say ‘You’re older than me, I expect better behavior, and I don’t care about your excuses. If you do it again, I will never talk to you again.’
I talked about this with a friend, and they told me that I shouldn’t have to acquiesce to my mother’s demands and forgive her and that enough was enough.
My dad only told me ‘because you yelled at her, she can now say she’s the victim,’ but didn’t even validate what I thought about my mom’s actions. AITJ here?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
It’s really such a crappy thing when a parent won’t apologize, or anyone for that matter.
And the lump that comes from the feelings that strong words create is harder and heavier than the hardness of the granite will of pride ever be.
It’s hard to have to feel so intensely in those moments and just too draining.
True as I believe all that is, I think that you were deserving of a less undermining and disrespectful tactic in a public setting because it’s also insulting.
And designed to reduce your adult self to a child self in an instant and this is done in front of the Priest or whoever her audience is. Bad interpersonal choice, in my opinion. She had it coming.” Naive-Salamander5926
Another User Comments:
“NTJ to start with.
You were offended by her lame attempt or excuse of a joke and that is totally fair. She obviously didn’t see that and maybe upon reflection realized the mistake but our egos get in the way. I personally would never demand an apology.
If I tell someone who has hurt me, clearly and calmly, that what they said was hurtful, and they DON’T apologize damage is done. If they DO apologize, and even say something along the lines of they’re still learning, at least I know that somewhere along the way they recognized their mistake.
Also, as a parent, you never stop learning, regardless of age.
Heck, as a person we never stop learning!! Have your parents ever had a son identical to you before? Safe to say they haven’t right haha. In that case, yeah they are still learning.” catduckmeow
Another User Comments:
“NTJ… but…. I try not to text important things like that.
It’s difficult to convey emotion through words on the other end of a phone. So keep that in mind in the future. What you might’ve meant as emotionally constructive criticism she could’ve easily interpreted as a huge derogatory diss.
My mom called me a jerk one time for helping my sister with her broken-down car on the side of the road instead of talking to my mom on the phone about her marital issues.
She then called me a few minutes later and left a voice mail saying I needed to learn some respect and stop being a jerk to everyone. I didn’t speak to her for 4 months. I even moved out of state for some work and she had no way to contact me.
All because she called me a jerk. If you feel like it’s an issue and she’s ignoring the problem then cut them out of your life till they stop bashing you. If you still live with them you’re only real option is to resent them and refuse to go out in public with them until they treat you correctly.” Eskimo56
3. AITJ For Banning My Grandmother From My Graduation?
“I have a half-sister ‘Jenna’ who just got her Ph.D. Jenna doesn’t really talk to any of us. She didn’t like having a blended family and is super bitter. She clearly looks down on my mom.
My grandma is the only person Jenna is still on speaking terms with and likes to rub it in and hurt my dad.
She has been asked not to talk about Jenna or bring pictures of her into our house, but recently she came over for dinner and decided to show us pictures from Jenna’s graduation party. She pretended that she didn’t know we hadn’t been invited, which hurt my dad.
She then lied about buying Jenna a car, and even my grandfather admitted they didn’t buy that car, Jenna’s partner did, and he would never spend $100,000 on a car for someone else.
My mom and grandma got into a big fight over the car and my grandma’s lying.
My grandma was being a witch and saying my mom is jealous because Jenna’s partner is richer than my dad. Then I noticed that my grandma still had the pictures of Jenna up on her phone and was angling them towards my dad.
I snapped and said she isn’t invited to my graduation or the party, because she is so cruel, and she can’t have us all in her life. It has to be Jenna or us.
My grandma called me a ‘jealous little girl’ and said I was cruel and embarrassing her.
My dad is upset and feels I overreacted, but my mom was so happy that she cried with happiness when my grandparents left. I just feel like it’s messed up that she wants to hurt her own son about his estrangement with his kid, and lying about the car is so pathetic.
I don’t know if she just wanted to bring up what the car cost or she was implying my dad sucks for not getting Jenna such an expensive gift.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It is your graduation and you decide who you want there.
Your grandma has some hang-up over your half-sister which is perfectly fine and she is free to celebrate her life events on her own time.
Your immediate family made it clear that you don’t want to be associated with the half-sister as it only brings up grief and she should have respected that.
It’s a little petty but I have a feeling she would have done the same thing at your graduation and party anyway so you are removing future problems. If she is sad, it’s only because she is being denied something.” Idontgotit
Another User Comments:
“ESH – You’re the jerk for throwing an ultimatum about choosing her other granddaughter or you guys.
What’s so wrong with her continuing contact with her family? You guys suck for that. I also sense jealousy that your grandma sees Jenna as well. You said in your comments that Jenna didn’t like being in a blended family and she has that right not to.
So I don’t get why you chose to put ‘she clearly looks down on your mom’ when you haven’t stated how she does, only that she didn’t want to be in a blended family. I feel like there’s more to the story and there are more reasons why Jenna is no contact with you guys.
I sense so much hostility from you about Jenna.
Your grandma sucks for shoving it in your dad’s face. You also seem jealous of her too. Everyone sucks but Jenna.” sleepysleeperson1234
Another User Comments:
“You do not have to invite anyone to any celebration or to any part of your life that you don’t want to include.
If having a particular person present will make things less pleasant or uncomfortable for any of the people who you do want to attend, then you are quite right to exclude them. Your grandmother’s inconsiderate, rude, and bullying behavior at dinner is more than enough of a reason not to invite her, and whilst it might not have been the kindest thing to say to her, she has at least been able to see that her behavior has consequences, and she’s can’t just go around telling lies and stirring trouble, and everyone will just let her get away with it.
There are people here wondering if your dad or your mum have done something to cause Jenna’s estrangement. That’s not what’s relevant here, and nor would it excuse your grandmother’s attitude. It looks like a greater case could be made for your grandmother influencing Jenna’s attitude towards her father, her stepmother, and you.
If this is how she speaks to you all and behaves toward you all to your faces, what is she saying to Jenna about you? What other lies has she told?
NTJ. Invite only the people you want to see at your graduation, and who will be there to celebrate the day with you.
Don’t bother with anyone else, and don’t let anyone be there who will spoil things for you.
Congratulations on graduating, too!” the_esjay
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Anytime you try to make someone choose. Your Grandma’s problem isn’t Jenna or that she needs to choose.
Your Grandma’s problem is she’s a mean old harpy. Doing mean hurtful vindictive things to remind your Dad of the past and his ‘mistakes’. She has to accept his new family and love you separately. She can choose if that’s equally or unequal since they’ve decided to go NC she doesn’t get to blur the separately part though which seems to be the real issue.” External-Brick-5323
Side Note: Hope Daddy was not paying for the PhD since daughter decided to treat him this way. If Grandma can afford a 100K car for her, I am guessing that Grandma paid for college as well. Wonder now if she is doing the same for OP.
2. AITJ For Being Annoyed My Partner Tells Our Drama To Her Friend?
“My (29M) partner (32F) and I live together. Recently, we have been going through some relationship issues. Admittedly, a lot of them are coming from my side. I have issues expressing my verbal and physical romantic side, which is causing connection issues between us.
I love her very much and we are working on everything, it’s just been a bit difficult. During some of our conversations about it, I’ve also made some comments that have made my partner very sad and affected her self-esteem a bit.
We have a friend, ‘Emily’ (30F). I actually met her on a site way before my current partner. We went out a couple of times, but decided that there was nothing romantic between us and decided to just remain friends. When I started seeing my current partner, I introduced them, and they really hit it off.
Now, Emily is probably closer to my partner at this point than she is to me.
Every Wednesday evening, I have some guys over to play tabletop games, and my partner and Emily either go out to dinner or hang out at one of our houses and have drinks.
Last night, my partner went over to Emily’s house. After, while we were going to bed, I asked my partner how much of our dirty laundry Emily is aware of. She just kind of laughed and said ‘a bit.’ Then she said that she needed to talk to someone, and she can’t talk to her mother (her mom is a very judgmental person and my partner doesn’t feel able to confide in her), and all of her other friends who she would feel close enough to talk to about it are the wives of my friends.
She didn’t want them to go and tell their husbands. Emily isn’t really friends with anyone else in our group, so she felt talking to her was safe.
I said, ‘Well I guess if she now views me in a different way, that’s just collateral damage.’
My partner said, ‘she doesn’t view you differently, you know as well as I do that she goes to therapy and has her own issues, so she knows as well as anyone how complicated people can be.
She just listened and gave a few comments.’
I dropped it so that we could go to sleep, but I’m still kind of annoyed that a friend of mine now knows about our issues. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“If your dirty laundry is so dirty that you don’t want other people seeing it, you need to sort it out better in the first place.
The only time I’d have a problem with my partner talking to anyone about me, is if he lied – if he tells the truth about everything I do and say, I’m fine.
Keeping secrets in the way you want your partner to do, prevents her from seeking help and support.
It’s abusive.
You need therapy so you stop taking your issues out on your partner and get to a place where you don’t mind her telling people about the things you do and say.
She’s already not talking to almost everyone out of an insane wish to protect you and your reputation, and now you want her to not talk to the one single person she’s chosen to ask for support and a listening ear from..
really?
YTJ.” singing_stream
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but women are most usually going to talk to their best friend about relationships be it good or bad. Often enough, they’re far superior communicators than we men happen to be, and it’s therapeutic.
You’ve already admitted that you have trouble expressing feelings – and I get it because I’m the exact same way – so work on trying harder to open up with your partner.
That will help her talk to you instead of ‘Emily’ as much as she has been (she always will, though) and maybe repair some of the relationship damage.” Therx73
Another User Comments:
“YTJ – your partner needed someone to talk to. she already told you that the friend deals with stuff of her own and is understanding of how complicated people can be, therefore wouldn’t change her opinion of you or anything else for that matter.
It feels like you just didn’t want your dirty laundry aired out to anyone at all, and if that’s the case maybe you should talk to someone about that. if they are close, they should be allowed to vent to each other, and I’m sure your partner knows some dirty laundry about your friend too.
It’s just how venting and trusting someone works.” morning_dawn
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Just know that your significant other doesn’t seem to have someone close she can talk to. Close girls talk. Many times, it’s just to lend an ear to one another, to give support, to just let another person vent, or to give advice.
It isn’t to spread malice or cause harm between individuals. I’d think there was enough trust between you and your partner that the real deep issues stay between you two to work out and that you would both know not to let others in.
I wouldn’t worry about it, but if it continues to bother you, talk to your SO. There’s no harm in addressing your concerns.” HolyUnicornBatman
1. AITJ For Telling My Partner I Wouldn't Be At Her Bedside If She Becomes A Surrogate?
“My (23M) partner (25F) told me that her brother’s wife asked if she would be willing to be their surrogate since the wife can no longer have kids. My partner and I have been seeing each other for 2 years but don’t live together because we can’t afford it.
We both live at home with our parents but see each other regularly. Her brother and wife on the other hand live in their own home just up the street. The topic of us having kids has come up a few times.
I grew up relatively poor and I told her that I’d be willing to have a child once we’re financially stable because I don’t want my kids to suffer for basic needs like I did. (I’d like to think that’s fair and reasonable?)
So when my partner talks to me about this and asked for my opinion I asked her what she wants to do.
She said that she’s willing to do it because she enjoys being pregnant (she had a baby in high school but gave it up for adoption, different story but it’s an open adoption and she visits her child regularly) and since I don’t want to give her a baby anytime soon she thinks it’ll be fun.
I looked at her a bit taken back because it’s not that I DON’T want a baby, I just want to be able to financially support my child.
Ultimately I told her it’s her body, her family, and her decision in the end. I also told her she shouldn’t expect me to be at her side 24/7 during the pregnancy (this is where I feel I was a jerk).
My partner was a little upset about it and asked me to clarify.
I told her I don’t mean I’m NOT gonna be at her side at all but she and I don’t live together. I’d have to drop everything I’m doing to accommodate her during a pregnancy that I’m physically not part of.
I’m in college and I work so I don’t necessarily have time to take care of her with a baby that isn’t mine. Yes, I will help when I can but I feel like since the brother and wife WANT her to carry THEIR baby, they should be the ones taking care of her 24/7.
And since they live down the street it’s less stress on them.
Obviously, if this was MY baby I’d drop everything to accommodate her. I’d be by her side 25/8. She would be the only thing I would pay attention to. I personally feel since this baby is in no way going to be related to me and it’s not going to live with me, I shouldn’t have to be the one to be at my partner’s side 24/7.
Again I agreed to help whenever I could because in the end she is MY partner and I love her dearly but this baby isn’t mine and I’m not going to love it.
My partner ended up agreeing with me and told her brother my thoughts.
I guess they didn’t take too kind of my perspective because they never brought it up again after that.
My partner was a little upset about it because she was looking forward to being pregnant again but ultimately agreed with my point of view.
I feel bad because I know how much she wants a baby but I didn’t think it was fair to suck me into the world of parenthood when in the end the baby wasn’t even going to be mine.
So am I the jerk for not wanting to take care of my pregnant partner when the baby isn’t going to be ours?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ that is a reasonable response.
I’m surprised the brother/wife didn’t think so… Or maybe it’s the partner that changed her mind seeing he wouldn’t support her.
You’re not married, you don’t even live together and it’s not something you could control. It’s reasonable to expect the future parents to take care of their surrogate.
Also, it’s her choice and her body.
She needs to be the one who ultimately will ensure the well-being of the baby together with the parents. Not you.” Anizziepluto
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Since she lives with her parents and her brother and SIL are living on the same street, she should ask THEM for help.
You have nothing to do with her being pregnant so she should not expect you to help her.
I don’t get her brother’s reaction though. What were he and his wife expecting? That since you’re the one seeing her, you would help her out with her pregnancy and be her driver to and from appointments, pay for doctor’s visits, etc.? They were the ones who were gonna be the parents so they should be more involved with the whole pregnancy thing and not expect you to do anything since it would indeed not be your baby.
Your partner should be happy that they dropped the subject of surrogacy because clearly her brother and SIL hadn’t thought about everything.” sportsphotographer84
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
Under the circumstances, the future parents are the ones who should be acting as her caretaker to the extent she needs it during pregnancy. They are entitled jerks because it seems as if they expected someone else to take care of her during her pregnancy since they dropped the idea of surrogacy when your partner told them that they would be expected to take care of her physical needs.
I think everyone dodged a bullet because I think the dynamics are a bit off if your partner is looking forward to pregnancy as a fun experience.
Also, how do they intend to handle surrogacy? Are they going to implant an embryo or are they planning to use the husband’s sperm? Getting pregnant through surrogacy is much more complicated than getting pregnant the ‘old-fashioned way’ both medically and psychologically.
Using the husband’s sperm would be technically incest and medically not recommended at all in terms of genetic issues. Also, it is ethically and just emotionally terrible to give birth to your biological brother’s child if it is your egg.
The cost of implanting an embryo plus the medical procedures one must go through in terms of the hormones the surrogate takes is hardly a ‘fun’ experience and very unpleasant for most women.” Jujulabee
Another User Comments:
“YTJ.
What do you think you’re going to have to be doing ’24/7′ for your pregnant partner? Literally, please tell me because you’re being a drama queen thinking you’ll have to drop anything at all in your life. She wants to do a brave and selfless thing for someone, it’s her body.
You just need to be nice to her, tell her she is still pretty when she gets fat, and be an emotional support for her. That’s literally it. But you made this about you. That’s such a little jerk move. On a separate note though, if your partner is desperate for a baby – surrogacy may not be the right path for her right now (because the baby she would be carrying isn’t hers) so she should really talk to a counselor before deciding to take on this endeavor.
But all you have to do is be nice to your partner – and you couldn’t even do that.” marvvern
Another User Comments:
“I’m confused. What do you think you’d need to do for her?
Her brother and wife live right down the road, do you think they’d not help her and it would all be up to you?
It just feels like you don’t want her doing this so you’re making up silly reasons and ‘ultimatums’ to talk her out of it.
Probably not a popular opinion, but I think YTJ because you’re discouraging her from doing something she wants to do for her family, and you’re basing it on things that you perceive as being inconvenient to you, that in all likelihood would not be remotely anything you have to deal with.
It feels like you’d be more disturbed by someone else’s baby being inside her body more than anything else and you just don’t want to admit that.
Saying ‘Fine be a surrogate but I won’t be helping you in any way if you do it’ is a very jerk thing to say to someone you love.
Also, what do your plans for future children have anything to do with this situation? Nothing.” Humble-Plankton2217
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