People Reveal Their Most Controversial Decisions and Ask 'Am I The Jerk?'
29. AITJ For Asking My Mom To Pay For My Son's Hair Retwist After She Coaxed Him Into Undoing His Locs?
“I (36F) am half black and Latin, my hair is thick, used to be curly but now on the wavier side. My son (7) has thick and extremely curly hair and really doesn’t like getting his hair combed out. He asked for locs (his favorite football player has them and obviously to avoid the de-tangle process).
I paid a stylist $120 to start his locs and he loved it! My mom, who has never liked locs did not care for the style. She has made snide and derogatory comments about them on my cousin, my ex and now her grandson when she said they looked liked worms “jokingly”.
We were advised it would take a while to actually “lock up” and there may be a ugly/fuzzy stage depending on how often he wore his stocking cap to sleep. About a month in, as predicted they were pretty fuzzy and due for a retwist soon. He just got out of school for summer and wanted to spend time with my parents so I sent him for the weekend with the intention to pick him up Father’s Day when I came to visit anyway.
When I got to my parent house I immediately noticed his hair had been combed out, his fuzzy locs were back to his curly Afro. I asked what happened and he said “granny asked if she could comb out my hair” I asked him if that’s what you wanted and he said “I said it was ok” my mom heard us and said it was messy looking but if he wanted it redone she would pay for it.
He didn’t seem too sad or upset and because there was a house full of people I let it go.
Fast forward two days later at shower time I mention we need to wash, condition and detangle his hair too. He’s mad, doesn’t want to and says he wants his locs back.
I ask well then why’d you let your granny take them down and he says “because she kept asking”. This pretty much happens again a few days later when it’s time to maintain his hair again and he’s still complaining about wanting his locs back.
I called my mom and told her what had been happening and that I thought it was wrong of her to badger or coax a 7 year old into doing something he didn’t want to do just because she didn’t like his hair.
We end up arguing because she felt offended that I was accusing her of hurting my sons feelings and she hung up on me. I understand not everyone likes being told they made a mistake so I followed up with a text explaining that I know she loves her grandson and it may not have been intentional but either way she undid something he wanted done, a solution he and I decided on for her own reasons NOT because it was in his best interest and to make things right she just needed to pay to get it retwisted like she said she would.
AITJ for actually asking for the money? It’s been days since we spoke and when we finally did today, AITJ for bringing it back up because she never sent the money or responded to my text?”
28. AITJ For Wanting to Attend a Continuation School Against My Dad's Wishes?
“I (18F) want to go to a high school that is considered a credit recovery school or continuation school. I’m currently an incoming senior.
In my past school years, I haven’t done so good in my classes due to various reasons. For some background info, I transferred to my current school mid sophomore year.
I previously was thriving but after transferring my grades started to decline, leaving me with missing credits from half of my sophomore year and freshman year. One big difference to note between my previous and current school are the schedules. My current school has a block schedule (I have different classes on different days) and my classes are each about an hour and a half.
Whereas my previous school I had all of my classes every day and my classes were only 42 minutes long each.
I have a very hard time focusing for long periods of time. So, moving schools and adjusting to the new schedule was extremely difficult and played a huge part in why my grades declined after transferring.
This also led to me skipping a lot of my classes and falling behind on many of my assignments. Because of the amount of credits I needed to recover I was given the option to try and recover my missing credits at my current high school (a regular old high school) or a continuation school in which I would work at my own pace to recover the credits I need and earn the credits for my current/upcoming year (senior year).
My counselor also suggested that I should enroll into the continuation school because it seemed like the better option for me.
So, I opted to enroll into the continuation school as it would allow me to work at my own pace and the periods were shorter. (I think around 49 minutes long) But, when my dad (35 M) found out he was furious, spewing various things about how he didn’t work this hard to allow me to graduate from a continuation school where I may not get to walk on an actual stage but still get my diploma.
I also want to note that he himself never graduated and went to several different continuation schools before eventually dropping out completely.
I don’t know what to do. I definitely don’t want to go back to my old school but at the same time I’m receiving immense pressure from my dad to enroll back into my old school. I also do get where he’s coming from and know he just wants the best for me. But, I don’t want what happened last year to happen to me again. Should I just cave and do as he wishes?”
27. AITJ For Asking My Mom To Leave During My Proposal Because She Brought Her Baby?
“Backstory: I (28f) have been together with my now fiancée “Luke” for 10 years. We have 2 children aged 3 and 18 month. I am currently 3 months pregnant with our 3rd child.
My mum “Sandra”(48f) has recently had a baby with my bio dad, the baby is 2 months old.
I don’t have any sort of relationship with my bio dad as he left my mum when I was born leaving her alone with me and my older sister. We have a step dad Mark who I call my father, he has divorced my mum after finding out she is having an affair with my bio dad.
To the events: I have always dreamed of a romantic proposal which is something Luke was aware of. He has prepared and booked in a room in a high end restaurant, had it decorated for the event and also had his friend to take and edit a video of the whole thing (his friend is a professional and does fantastic videos).
Luke also invited people close to us, so my friends, my sister and her wife, Mark and my mum. As this is a high end restaurant it doesn’t accept kids under the age of 12 and has a warning about it on the website. Luke has also asked people invited to keep their children at home (the booking was made a good few months in advance).
We have hired a trusted babysitter for ours. It is also important to note that he knew we won’t be able to get married soon until our kids are older as I wanted them in our wedding and somewhat to remember it.
At the event we found out my mum took her baby with her instead of leaving him with my bio dad.
When I have asked her about it, she said the baby is quiet and it is not her first child so she knows how to look after them.
Well, when the music started playing (it started rather quiet) and my fiance was ready to give a speech, the baby started crying.
Luke has tried to carry on but nobody could hear him due to the screeching sounds the baby started to make, and I was feeling overwhelmed with it as my romantic proposal was getting ruined by my own mother being selfish. So I have asked her to leave.
My mum has tried to argue to stay and was creating a scene, but I ended up asking security to escort her out. The rest of the day went without issues but after the event was finished I have received dozens of messages from my mum and bio dad calling me a jerk for what I did.”
26. AITJ For Telling My Half-Brother He's A Result Of Our Dad's Affair?
“When I (16m) was a baby, my parents divorced. My dad had been unfaithful to my mom, and it only came to light because his mistress (my stepmom) got pregnant and made him choose between her and my mom. Nine months, and one divorce later, my brother Ethan (now 14) was born.
Needless to say, my mom isn’t fond of Ethan. She doesn’t hate him, but she doesn’t love him either, or want any type of relationship with him. On the semi-frequently times where she sees him (when she picks me up and drops me off from my dad’s house) she basically ignores him.
She avoids making eye contact or ever initiating conversation with him, and when he tries to talk to her, she gives short answers and gets us both on our way asap.
My dad and stepmom have sheltered Ethan from the past family drama, and it’s always been frustrating, but I figured it wasn’t my place to interfere.
Because of that, he didn’t understand why my mom doesn’t like him. He thought it was because she hates my dad (a bit true) and is a cold, resentful old hag who can’t leave the past behind and is jealous of my stepmom (his words exactly from two years ago, and again partially true minus the jealousy, but imo she has a good reason).
Before y’all tell me that my mom lied to me about my dad’s unfaithfulness, he’s admitted to everything as I’ve told it when I pressed him for details some years back.
Anyway, onto the inciting incident. My mom planned a vacation, and of course I was invited, but she also invited my paternal uncle (who took my mom’s side in the family schism that was the unfaithfulness and divorce and who still remains close friends with her to this day) and his kids.
When Ethan found out that his cousins were invited on the vacation but not him, he broke down and came to me asking why my mom hates him so much. He actually broke down crying, I felt so bad for him. I decided that he deserved to know the truth.
I tried to break the truth as gently as I possibly could, but there’s really no good way to tell a sobbing kid that he’s the result of unfaithfulness and that’s why my mom never wanted a relationship with him.
The good side is that he wasn’t crying anymore or mad at my mom, the bad side was that he was really angry at his parents.
Well, I had to leave for the vacation (I’m actually writing on the flight lol) and my dad and stepmom have been blowing up my phone. They’re furious at me for “telling him before he was ready”. I let my mom know the situation and she told me that that was “kind of a jerk move” because I dropped a bomb and left them to clean up the mess.
Ethan isn’t exactly emotionally mature, and considering the fury that I last saw him in, I wouldn’t want to deal with that mess either. Now I’m thinking I might have undermined my dad and stepmom’s parenting, and maybe I should have at least waited until after I got back so I could help prevent the implosion that’s going on back home. AITJ?”
25. AITJ for Allowing My In-Laws to Help Parent but Not My Own Parents?
“I (26M) have a three-month-old son with my wife (24F). He’s our first child.
I have a good relationship with my parents, however, they (especially my mom) have a difficult time respecting my boundaries, and they were a bit overprotective of me growing up. I am their only child, so naturally they are going to feel protective of me.
While I wouldn’t go as far as to describe my mom as a helicopter parent, she seemed to have a hard time allowing me to make mistakes. She would want to have a say in anything I was doing, and offer advice whether I wanted it or not. When I was little, this was totally understandable, but as I grew up it became very annoying.
When I moved out, I told her that now that I’m grown up, she needs to respect my boundaries, as well as accept that I might do certain things differently from how she does. I’ve requested that she please ask me if I want help/advice with something, and to please respect my wishes if I say no.
She seems to have a very hard time with this; she’ll reluctantly say she’ll try to do that, but honestly I don’t think she’s making enough effort. We’ve argued about this many times. It really feels like she doesn’t trust me. When my son was born, I asked both of my parents to please leave the parenting up to me and my wife, and if we need help we’ll ask.
They agreed, though my mom seemed reluctant (not surprised).
Now, I didn’t think it was my place to ask my in-laws to do this, because they’re her parents, not mine. I told her that if she would like her parents’ help/advice with raising our son, it was fine with me, and the decision of how much or how little involvement her parents had was up to her.
I am also more comfortable with my wife’s parents because she’s the youngest of four children, and therefore they have more experience as parents. They know when it’s appropriate to offer help, and when they should take a step back.
Anyways, today we’re having a barbecue for the 4th of July.
We invited both of our families. It was the first time we’ve all been in the same room since our wedding. My mom saw how much my in-laws were helping with our son; feeding him, changing him, putting him down for a nap, etc. (they’re mainly doing this because my wife is busy in the kitchen).
My parents took me aside and asked why I want my in-laws’ help but not theirs. I told her the reasons. Dad took it pretty well (he enjoys being a “fun Grandpa”) but my mom is very hurt.
Now I feel bad. I was looking forward to a fun day with our families, but now I’m feeling guilty.
My mom basically is just standing around doing nothing and looks hurt. My feelings of wanting her to leave the parenting up to me and my wife hasn’t changed, but I don’t know how to express this without upsetting her. Honestly I’m kinda wishing everyone would just go home.
AITJ for telling my parents to leave the parenting up to me and my wife, yet leaving the decision on how much my in-laws are involved up to my wife, because I didn’t feel it was my place?”
24. AITJ For Cutting Off Contact With My Biological Dad And Step Mom After Years of Neglect and Favoritism?
“All of this happened in a small town of about 130 population. So my (I’m male, 28) mother and father met in high school and my mother got pregnant with me when she was 16. My father was a foster child at the time. The story I was given by my father was that once the foster family found out about my mother’s pregnancy, the foster family sent him away, out of state.
I didn’t even know that my step dad was my step dad until I was 15 but I had suspicions beforehand. After finding out, I managed to get contact with my bio dad just before I turned 16, right around the same time my mother went to prison and I was left working on the road with my step dad who wasn’t a real father, just an employer that didn’t pay.
I eventually made the decision to move in with a cousin to go back to high school and finish. During this time, my bio dad moved to my town (Texas) from New York. I moved in with him, my step mom, and her two children from a previous marriage (both pretty close to the same age as me).
My bio dad never paid a dime in child support on me, and my mother never chased him for it.
So then: I was 16 and got a job at the same place they worked, part-time of course since I was still in high school. I got paid about $400 every two weeks.
Shortly after, my step mom and my dad decided I owed $250/month for rent. My step sister, the same age as me, didn’t pay a dime and my step brother got a large disability check every month and they took that too except for enough for him to get smokes for a couple weeks.
I paid rent every month, and didn’t really get frustrated until I found out that even though I was paying rent, it wasn’t actually necessary for the bills to be paid. It was being put in a savings account for my parents to take a vacation the following summer (just them).
So now: My step sister has two children and my dad and his wife regularly make an effort to visit them. Always seeing social media photos and stuff like that with them. ( we all live within a 15-minute drive) But they don’t do this with my two daughters.
My birthday was just a few weeks ago and I didn’t even get a call from my dad.
So I don’t really put in an effort with my dad and step mom anymore. I’ve always been kind of skeptical about whether or not they truly cared about me since the rent thing. Then all this with the kids, no birthday call, my dad didn’t even come to watch me get my degree from college two months ago.
So AITJ for just not caring entirely about putting in an effort with my dad and step mom?”
23. AITJ For Considering Withdrawing My Daughter as Flower Girl After MIL Uninvites My Son from Wedding?
“My (F35) SIL (husband’s sister) is getting married in about 6 weeks. A year ago, she asked my husband to be a groomsman, my daughter (will be 5 by the wedding) to be the flower girl, my son to be the ring bearer (18 months by the wedding), and me to be a bridesmaid.
She did say if the expense of four of us in the wedding was too much, she could find a bridesmaid to take my place. My husband and I knew that with kids in the wedding (1 or 2) we would be actively parenting the whole time and it would not be a “fun” wedding for us but decided if it was what his sister wanted we could totally do it.
My one concern was that baby boy might not be steady enough to walk down the aisle and the attention might make his entrance unpredictable. SIL thought the 5 year old could pull him down the aisle in a wagon but he’s a chunky baby and she would struggle with the weight and attention.
I said we can try to have him walk but worst case scenario I could carry him down and have someone up front (a cousin) ready to take him. She was onboard.
Now we are 2k in on outfits, showers, gifts, etc and I did most of the coordination for the multiple pre wedding parties.
Now my MIL is getting involved (she is footing the entire 50k bill). She called to confirm that the 5 year old could go without a car seat in the limo because she wants to get a smaller limo. Hubby told her smaller limo won’t be an issue since we will follow in our car with both kids in car seats since baby boy will need a nap and maybe the 5 year old would shut her eyes for a few.
MIL lost it. Apparently, even though our invite said “x” family and we RSVPed for 4, only the 5 year old is invited. She expects us to leave the 18 month at home. We have a tux being delivered in 2 weeks, did not make plans for overnight childcare, and he was asked to be in the wedding by the bride.
MIL is insisting he go on vacation with my parents or my parents cut their vacation short to come to the wedding as babysitters (they were not invited to the wedding originally). I booked my summer nanny for the weekend (another $500) because I didn’t want to put my parents in that position but she went around me and asked my parents anyway (they are not friends).
My parents will do this but I don’t want to ask them to give up their vacation to be an unpaid babysitter when they weren’t invited to the wedding to begin with. SIL would still like both kids and really wants a flower girl but won’t go against her mom at this point and tell her that she asked baby boy to be in the wedding (and approved the tux)!
So AITJ for taking away the flower girl too? Honestly at this point I’m just tired (lots of other wedding drama with MIL and SIL) and an easier night and sleeping in the next morning sounds wonderful.”
22. AITJ for Choosing My Partner Over My Parents' Disapproval and Getting Disowned?
“I (22F) have been seeing my partner Micah (26M) for three years now. Micah and I first met at the library. We both loved reading and talked about our favorite books. We crossed paths several times after that and one day he asked me out and we’ve been together ever since.
I honestly don’t think I could find anyone more perfect than him. He’s smart and funny and kind. He’s been there for me when it’s mattered the most and made me safe in ways I never thought possible and I’ve been there for him during some of his hardest struggles.
We know each other inside out and I can honestly say I see my future with him.
I come from a relatively good background. Both my parents are academic and come from several generations of educated people. Our family was financially secure and all my needs were met while growing up.
Micah on the other hand, grew up in a foster home and has never had a real family. He has lived in poverty for much of his childhood and adult life and still struggles with his mental health at times, but continues to seek and welcome support. He doesn’t have a degree but completed his basic education and is still succeeding.
He has a job he loves and is passionate about.
But my parents don’t like Micah because of his background and won’t accept him due to his lack of education. They say they can’t have someone like him in the family and want me to marry someone rich and successful.
They always talk about Micah in a very mean and disappointed tone even though he’s always polite and kind to them. They never listen to him or take him seriously and always ignore his efforts. They blame him for absolutely everything, no matter what he does they’re not happy with him.
My mom believes that he’s just after their wealth.
I’m not allowed to bring my partner to family gatherings because he’s not considered family and, a direct quote from my dad, “what does he know about families?”. My parents constantly compare me to my older sister who is married and spends more time overseas than at home.
That’s what my parents want for me. I don’t want a life like that, but my parents won’t listen. They say I’m still too young to know what I want and too young to be in a serious relationship.
Last Friday was our anniversary and Micah and I had made plans to go out for dinner to celebrate.
My mom literally got mad at me for wanting to spend the day with my partner. She told me family is forever and partners are only temporary and basically made me choose between my family and my partner. I chose my partner. My mom called me a disgrace to the whole family and disowned me. After the dinner with Micah, I went straight back home and my parents had already kicked all my stuff out on the street.
AITJ in this situation?”
21. AITJ For Buying Gifts For My Stepsister Instead Of My Biological Sister?
“My (15F) bio sister “Shannon” (20F) has serious anger issues. She already acts like she’s smarter than everyone else and other people are below her, especially me and our cousin (13F) “Kiki.” But when Shannon has to deal with any kind of inconvenience, she lashes out and is just terrible to us.
Just last month while we were visiting, Kiki asked her mom how to address a letter since it was for homework. My mom told Shannon to teach Kiki. Shannon was being terrible to Kiki the whole time, she told Kiki things like how Kiki’s the stupidest person Shannon’s ever met, Kiki should wear make-up because she isn’t pretty naturally, and that Kiki isn’t talented.
I told Shannon off, and she turned on me saying similar things.
My mom told everyone to be quiet but didn’t say anything else to Shannon. In fact, she and my aunt made Kiki thank Shannon for showing her how to address the letter. Just last week, Shannon spent ten minutes calling me stupid and curse words because I accidentally didn’t close her door all the way.
The worst part is that Shannon’s shown before that she can control it but just chooses not to. Whenever I bring it up to my mom, she just says things like “You know we’ve tried for years, OP” and “You shouldn’t provoke her” by defending myself instead of ignoring Shannon.
My mom flames out on Shannon whenever she treats my stepdad terribly, but nothing really changes. We pretty much just have to deal with it.
My stepsister “Laura” (20F) lives at my dad’s house. We didn’t really hang out when I was younger, but Laura was always nice to me.
Since I became a teenager, me and Laura have pretty much been best friends and we hang out all the time. I went to the mall with a friend and bought several presents for Laura since she always does nice things like that for me. My friend’s mom dropped me off at a restaurant after, since my family was there to celebrate Shannon’s birthday.
When I got to the table, Kiki asked if the bags were gifts for Shannon. I tried lying and saying it was only stuff for me. But Shannon saw that one of the bags was from the Lego store and I’m pretty sure she immediately knew the gifts were for Laura since I’ve never really played with Legos but Laura loves collecting sets.
Shannon didn’t cause a scene since we were in public but she was in even more of a bad mood for the rest of the day. She was saying stuff in an angry way to my parents after we got home but I couldn’t really hear what exactly.
My mom later came into my room and told me that she knows I’m not made of money, but that I could have at least gotten something for Shannon instead of only getting Laura gifts.
She told me that I should have asked my friend to hold onto Laura’s gifts and that bringing them to Shannon’s birthday dinner was thoughtless and made things difficult for everyone else. My mom said that Shannon already felt that our dad replaced her with Laura and I reminded her at her birthday dinner that I’m close to Laura. Now I feel like I’m the the jerk.”
20. AITJ for Snapping at My Partner's Brother's Partner Over Her Jealousy and Accusations?
“I’ve (28f) been with my partner, Ben (29m) for two years. We have a good relationship, both in steady jobs, we own a home. Since first meeting Ben’s family they have been so welcoming and really made me feel at ease. This story relates to Ben’s brother’s partner. Tom (35M) and Alison (27F) have been together for 3 years, she has children from a previous relationship and they do not live together.
Alison has always been envious of how we have progressed our relationship but her and Tom haven’t. They don’t live together as he won’t support her financially, she doesn’t work and they aren’t engaged or anything.
When Ben and I started seeing each other he told me his family have never understood why Tom is with Alison.
She is unemployed (by choice she will not work and is very open about claiming government support), her children she had before the age of 16 are nightmares, she does not discipline them or show any interest in them at all (they are forbidden from coming to Ben’s family home as they drew over the walls and were incredibly badly behaved the first and only time they did – for reference they are 12 and 11 AKA old enough to not be at that nonsense).
I’ve never been rude to Alison or made her feel uncomfortable. I am always civil because at the end of the day I don’t agree with her lifestyle but that’s none of my business and Tom clearly is with her for a reason. Anytime we are at family events I always make sure to ask about the kids etc.
Yesterday Tom showed up at our house after they had an argument and wanted someone to talk to. I was shocked when he told me what had started the argument. Last Saturday we were all at a birthday party for their grandma. Ben’s auntie arrived at the party and came over to me, gave me a hug and we chatted.
Alison witnessed this and later started an argument because ‘your auntie has never spoken to me like that’. Also spewing all this rubbish about them liking me better and how I make her feel inadequate, which yeah they probably do but how is that my fault? She called me a ‘suck up’ because I made Ben’s mother a crocheted blanket (this is my part time business so it’s not like I went out of my way to learn a skill).
I don’t pass comment on other people’s relationships, I really don’t care but I snapped and just said ‘get lost how immature can you be’ (this is out of character for me but I had enough of being made to be like this monster for simply existing). Tom was taken back that I said this, and took the attitude of I shouldn’t say that because at the end of the day she’s his partner.
I can’t remember exactly what I said but it was along the lines ”what am I meant to feel guilty for here? Having a job? Not being a teenage mother? It’s not my responsibility to validate her poor life choices and make her feel welcome, it’s your family’
Tom left immediately and now won’t speak to Ben or return his calls. AITJ for finally snapping and calling out her nonsense?”
19. AITJ for Refusing to Wear My Expensive Engagement Ring Daily, Leading to Conflict with My Wife's Family?
“So I (23F) married my partner (24F) over four months ago. She has a big family – they also happen to be fairly wealthy & have a lot of family heirlooms, one of which was used for my engagement ring.
Personally I don’t give a darn about its monetary value, but it is a lovely ring & my wife says she picked the stone because the color reminded her of my eyes (she’s extremely cheesy but I love her for it).
Now on to the issue at hand. I work in engineering & while a lot of the time it’s mainly designing we often have to oversee stuff in factories & work with machinery. I didn’t fancy wearing a ring worth upwards of five figures everyday with a high risk for it to get lost or damaged.
My wife understood this & gave me a significantly cheaper “placement” ring that I wear everyday, while the actual ring is saved for special occasions or times where I’m more confident in its safety. Her mom suggested this, as she has worked as personal trainer in the past & currently as a gym teacher & does the same.
No one’s had an issue with this up until now.
Enter my wife’s uncle, “Rick” (34) who she’s always been close with & his partner “Amy” (36). He obviously knew about my ring, but Amy didn’t. She didn’t attend our wedding & I’ve only met her handful of times before we all headed to the west coast for a family vacation.
On the first morning some of us were eating breakfast when Amy randomly started making comments about how “cheap” my placement ring was, & that she was surprised my wife didn’t splurge on a “better” ring. I brushed the comments off & Rick told her to cut it out.
Later that night my MIL was showing Amy some of our wedding photos. I didn’t think much of it then offered to put one of my wife’s cousins (who’s six) to bed.
After coming back however before I could re-enter the kitchen Amy cornered me in the hall & began interrogating me about my “actual” ring & accused me of pawning it for cash & that was why I was wearing the other ring.
Apparently she had seen a wedding pic in which my ring was quite visible. I was completely baffled as to why this woman who I’ve barely spoken to 1. cared about my engagement ring & 2. thought it was any of her business. I told her as much & tried to push past but failed.
I thought she might’ve been inebriated, but there is a strict no-drinking rule until all the kids had gone to bed.
Her outburst caught the attention of FIL, who came out & warned Amy that if she continued to cause issues, she’d be kicked off the trip altogether. She stormed off to her & Rick’s room followed by Rick, & they stayed in there the whole night arguing.
According to her this shows that the family doesn’t want to welcome her, & she’s blaming me for it.
I don’t think I was in the wrong as IMO my ring wasn’t any of her business & the rest of the family is backing me, but I do feel a tad guilty as she was already struggling to get on with the family & this has only made things worse.
18. AITJ For Telling My Stepdaughter The Reason For Our Divorce?
“Jack and I are getting divorced after 2 years of marriage. Jack has two children, but this concerns his daughter – Ella (15F). The day Jack told me he wanted a divorce, we told the children after school.
Ella was upset when she found out we are divorcing and went to her room.
She came down after tea when it was just me and her in the house – Jack and his son had gone out. She asked me why her dad and I were getting divorce and wanted to know if it was because of her. Ella has struggled with her mental health and while it had caused some strain because we couldn’t agree on how to help Ella it is not the reason.
I told Ella that she and her brother are not the reason for the divorce, but that her best friend’s (Imogen 15F) mum (Sophie 34F) is. Sophie and Jack had an affair when she was 19, when the affair was exposed Sophie’s life basically imploded while Jack’s pretty much remained the same.
Just to state, Imogen is not Jack’s daughter. They are friends now, but after the affair they would just be polite in the street and became friendlier over the years as the girls became close friends at school. I told Ella that Jack’s continued friendship with Sophie and the running to her for advice is why we are getting divorced.
Ella asked if Jack was having an affair with Sophie. I told her that Jack was denying having an affair with Sophie again but I suspected it. She asked what I meant by again, so I told her that Sophie and Jack had an affair when Jack was married to her mum.
Ella has not been speaking to Jack since our conversation. She has also lashed out at Imogen, telling her that her mum is loose and is the reason her family is falling apart. They got into a physical fight at school which resulted in both Jack and Sophie getting called in to talk about it.
In the meeting, Ella told them everything I had told her the night before and blamed Sophie for ruining her family again. Jack told her that Sophie isn’t the reason. Jack told Ella the reason for the divorce is because he no longer trusted me because of a mistake I had made which had sent us to therapy.
Months of therapy weren’t able to repair his trust in me.
After Jack and Ella came home, she is now not talking to me either. Jack is furious that I said anything to Ella and that I ruined Ella’s friendship with Imogen. Jack snapped that it was not my place to say anything to Ella.
He was angry that I was still stuck on his friendship with Sophie, and continues to maintain nothing is going on. He told me that Imogen told Sophie in the meeting that she wants to move to a new school.
AITJ? Ella asked me for a reason and I told her, I do believe Sophie is the true reason as the relationship between them is weird.”
17. AITJ For Refusing To Be A Bridesmaid At My Sister's Wedding Due To Our Mother's Involvement?
“My sister and I have an 8-year age gap, despite our age gap we’ve always been pretty close. Growing up, my father was horrible and my mother was essentially an enabler. She turned a blind eye and often facilitated or even downplayed the mistreatment. When I was 10, we got taken away by CPS.
My sister and another sibling were returned to my mother while me and a different sibling stayed and eventually found permanency elsewhere. This was a wake-up call for my mother and from that point on she seemingly was a good mother to my sibling.
My mother and I don’t have a relationship and I’ve had no contact with her.
My sister is aware of this and loves us both separately. She recently got engaged and asked me to be a bridesmaid, as well as help out behind the scenes with her wedding. I told her that while I’d love to, being involved in the weddings means that I’ll have to spend a lot of time with our mother.
While I can put up with her for a weekend for my sister’s sake, I mentally cannot handle it for months. She assured me that we wouldn’t cross paths and so I agreed to be in her wedding.
Now that wedding planning has officially begun, everyone’s been broken up into groups to be more efficient and I ended up in the same group as my mother.
At first, I really tried to just push through it but after spending 1 hour with my mother, I went home and had a breakdown. I called my sister, to tell her, is there anyway I can be put into a different group, or if my mother can be put into a different group.
She seemed annoyed but she said she’d look into it and the next day we met up and she said basically no, that the groups were assigned to be most effective and so switching wasn’t an option.
I said if that’s the case, I’m sorry but I have to drop out of the wedding.
I’ll still come to the wedding as a guest if she wants me to but that I couldn’t be around our mother. She got upset and called me selfish for not being able to “put me and my mom’s issue aside”, for her. She said I am making her wedding all about her and that it’s unfair she has to decide between her mother or her sister.
I reminded her everything that happened with our mom and she said, well mom has changed since then and that everyone else is over it, why can’t you be. She said it’s her day and that if I loved her I’d stop being bitter and get over myself. We argued for a couple of minutes and went our separate ways.
She messaged me multiple times that night and the next few days to reconsider but I refused. She’s then decided to tell our siblings and any mutual family that we still have. I’ve had some family call me names and others were more polite but they all agreed that I’m in the wrong and I’m being selfish/ harsh and making my sister’s wedding all about me.”
16. AITJ For Not Informing Co-workers About Changing Cafeteria Hours?
“I work in a small cafeteria in a factory. I’m in the corner of the break room so I deal with a lot of people that aren’t strictly customers. I do actually work for the company, not a third party like some, so they are technically my coworkers.
I put in my notice and I have 2 days left now.
Other than me there is a girl that works strictly mornings, two part timers that are international students and take the bus, so they can only work limited hours (one can only legally work 20 hours a week, the other is 40 because of a labour shortage the year he moved to canada) and the third is a woman who was supposed to be full time permanent with the morning girl but she got hit by a car after 2 weeks working here and is on medical leave.
Because the woman in the accident wasn’t cleared for work this week like we thought, and the boys aren’t available after 7pm, we have to shorten the hours so it closes at 6pm. During the winter we closed at 7pm and I left at 7:30, and guys kept complaining that was too early because they start work at 6pm.
We had issues with scheduling and started closing late way later in the year than we usually do. Like we literally started it Monday last week, I put my notice in on Tuesday.
Every single time we’ve had to close early for some reason I decided to be nice and warn people since they don’t read the signs HR puts up.
Every single time we’ve closed early I get yelled at. Or I get yelled at for closing on time but they didn’t get there on time.
My final straw is that most of the guys complaining that closing at 7 was too early get there after 9 and complain that 9 is too early and get mad when I won’t serve them.
Kitchen closes half an hour before everything else so I get an hour of this. It doesn’t matter what time we close, they just can’t be bothered to try showing up. Plus they can pre-order, so their food would be waiting for them to pick up as long as they pay first.
We found out today the woman in the accident won’t be back for at least another month, so HR put up notices again I’ve decided this time I’m not telling anyone, they can find out on their own. I know the boys are going to get yelled at because they’re the new closers but I don’t really care.
They won’t listen to me or will argue while I’m training them, and they put no effort into even trying to remember stuff. They keep rolling their eyes at me when I make them wash their hands before touching the fry scoop or throw out sugar packets that fell on the floor.
And they’re on their phones constantly. We’re not allowed to be firm with them because HR doesn’t want to hire more people so we can’t chase them off. So I’m letting them fail on their own.
My sister says I’m solving my own problem by not telling anyone about the hours changing, but my mom thinks I’m just being mean to the boys.”
15. AITJ For Blaming My Dad For Ruining Our Relationship With Our Stepmom?
“My mom and dad have 3 kids me 18f and 22 F/M twins.
My mom struggled with a host of mental issues and while she loved us she was not a good mother or partner at all.
When I was 5 my parents broke up, dad had full custody. But he’d let us stay with our mother whenever it was safe to do so.
Eventually he, met and started seeing our now stepmother, she herself was not the problem, at the time we saw her, as a cool older sister / fun aunt, we liked hanging out with her and all was good.
As stepmom and dad’s relationship became more serious, my dad started comparing our mom and stepmom, he’d compare their parenting, her cooking, literally everything he could compare he would.
At the time, it wasn’t an issue, step mom herself didn’t overstep any boundaries, we still had a relationship with our mom and our mom liked stepmom so all was well.
When I was around 13, my mom health went downhill and at 14 lost her, the first year was honestly a blur but after things started going back to normal, all of a sudden my dad doubled down even more on the mom competition.
My Dad, would still make remarks about how stepmom was better than our mom, and at one point he even tried forcing my siblings and I to call step mom, “mom”. He’d say stuff like “she’s your only mother now”… and when mom was alive it was no big deal, now that she’s gone it really felt as if she was forcing us to move on from our mom.
While this rightfully caused issue with our dad, my stepmom also became caught up it in, it ruined our relationship with her, as she was our mom’s replacement but we weren’t looking to replace our mother.
Recently my sister became pregnant, it was unplanned, she told us, right away but did not tell Dad and stepmom, She lost the baby and my parents went and was with her through it all.
Step mom told to our dad in private that she felt hurt that my sister felt as if she couldn’t her with news of pregnancy.
My dad then got us all together and spent good 30 minutes yelling at us, calling us cruel and other things and in this yelling he was referring to stepmom as our mom, my sister snapped and said stepmom is not our mom nor did we ask for her to be.
Stepmom was upset and cried. He yelled at us some more and started shaming my sister for what she said, calling us rude and ungrateful. To which I responded that it’s his fault that none of us like stepmom, had he not spent all these years shoving her down our throat that maybe we would have seen her as more than just a random girl whose trying to take over our moms role.
He took my words and basically blasted me to family and now everyone is calling me mean and disrespectful and expecting me to apologize to my dad and basically calling me entitled and ungrateful for all that my dad and step mom has done for us.”
14. AITJ for Ignoring My Grandma's Disapproval of My Older Curling Friends?
“I (21M) have been working an office job for about 8 months now.
Basically it was my first office job and I didn’t really know the ropes of the corporate world as I’ve always worked manual labour jobs in the past, until I befriended one of my co-workers, let’s call her Becky.
Becky (70F) is the boss of the marketing department, while I work in the accounting department. Becky really helped me when I first started working there with how to communicate to people (you know the over the top politically correct, friendly corporate talk) and has been nothing but great to me.
We started becoming really close/taking breaks together, etc and now I consider her one of my best friends.
A few months ago she invited me to go play on curling with her as apparently her team needed one more person and she known I played curling for a few months in high school haha (our school had a team briefly, but was just for fun, and not serious), this is where I got introduced to her friends, let’s call them Janice, Clare, and Edith.
All of them (60s/70s F). Well I really clicked with her friends and now for the last few months I’ve really joined their friend group/liking them where we all do curling every couple weeks (yes they invited me on the team officially after their other teammate broke her hip).
We do curling, go to McDonald’s for coffee, etc.
Now things took a stir yesterday when we went for a curling game against a team (which we won). Now after the game, me and the ladies all went to the bar area to do slots machines/drink when I ran into my grandma and her friends.
My grandma also plays curling, and apparently had a game soon and was stopping by the community rink restaurant when she saw me and my group. We had a friendly conversation but it was very awkward from my friends and my grandma’s friends.
Anyways once I get home my grandma calls my mom and gets me on the phone, apparently my grandma’s friends are a rival team with my friends, and my grandma is saying how she doesn’t like my friends because Clare and Janice supposedly spread a rumour about my grandma that she bends the rules in curling by moving curling rock with her hand.
My grandma thinks that Becky planned this whole thing out to befriend me to get back at my grandma for trash talking her and her friends back.
I told my grandma that Becky and them are my friends and she’s overthinking the whole thing, and friendly trash talk in curling is not that serious, however my grandma is threatening me saying I’m out of her will if I keep hanging out with her “enemies.”
I love Becky and the girls, and honestly I don’t care about the will part as I think she’s bluffing so I unfriend my friends.
Next time me and the ladies go out for brunch, I will ask Janice and Clare about the rumour, but I seriously think my grandma is overreaching as Janice is super nice and Clare is really soft spoken.
AITJ for continuing to hang out with Becky and the ladies despite my grandma’s concerns?”
13. AITJ for Leaving the House Messy and Accusing My Husband of Not Understanding Housework?
“I (34f) and my husband (38m) have three sons together (13, 11, 9). Until my youngest son turned 4 I was a stay at home mum during the weekdays and worked weekends. My husband worked full time 5 out of 7 days shift work so his work days could fall anytime and it was rather erratic.
I did for a few years during that time have an evening Mon-Fri job too so I was working 7 days a week though I was not doing more than 30 hours a week, I was however doing all of the housework.
Then when my youngest turned 4 I started full time work.
My husband and I split the chores though I still took a larger portion because his shifts were not helpful. For example he couldn’t run a vacuum around at 3am during his downtime, etc.
Then three years ago he was injured due to work. The pain was severe and he had to go through multiple surgeries.
Each one with longer recovery periods than the last. He was out of work for that time and I became the main breadwinner and also the only one keeping up with housework. He couldn’t even lift a shoe or bend over so it wasn’t laziness on his part, and I just did it.
The kids helped of course, but there was only so much they can help with.
This brings us to now, my husband has changed careers due to the injury, though he has completely recovered, and has landed himself an amazing job, unfortunately the job requires him to be away Monday to Friday, staying away from home.
My job is in retail, I’m a store manager so it’s shift work, 5 days out of 7, my two days are never consecutive and I’m working a minimum of 48 hours a week though usually I’m hitting closer to 58. I’ve also this year been diagnosed with autoimmune disease.
I’m exhausted! When I’m not working sometimes I can barely function, but being the only adult Monday to Friday I don’t really have much of a choice. Anyway this week I’ve had two weekdays off, I’m working both weekend days. My husband knows this, so when he came home today and saw that the house was a mess he’s been upset that he’s “had to come home to a pigsty”.
Now yes I could have taken those two days I had (Monday and Thursday) and cleaned the house top to bottom but I didn’t. It’s not awful by any stretch, the dishes are done, vacuumed, but I didn’t mop, or dust, or deep clean anything, and there is one load of laundry needing doing and the laundry I have done hasn’t been ironed and put away.
Anyway we ended up having an argument and I said that I needed those days, that I’m tired (a symptom of my disease) and I simply just needed to not do anything. He’s calling me a jerk for “neglecting” the house. I called him a jerk for not understanding how much goes into running and keeping a house because he’s never done more than a small portion, that I’ve always taken the lion’s share or done all of it. Which of course made it all worse and now he’s being moody.
I realize coming home to a messy house isn’t great after working away but AITJ for just leaving it, and for pointing out that he’s never had to do a lot of the housework?”
12. AITJ For Kicking My Husband's Rude Friend Out Of His Birthday Party?
“My husband had this huge birthday party because he turned 30 years old. He invited a lot of friends and family. And some coworker turned into friend named Jack. Jack is absolutely horrible. He is super arrogant, talks a lot about wealth and how smart he is. I absolutely despise him and it’s fair to say that he dislikes me too.
He tries to be friendly but I will only talk to him if it’s necessary (hello, goodbye).
My husband and I had a lot of disagreements about this friend. He always talks bad about my husband but he just doesn’t see it that way. They both have pretty good paying jobs (my husband works one level above him) but we don’t come from a wealthy background.
Jack told him that we could look for government-supported homes (he just wanted to be „helpful“) or he said out of the blue that people from my region are usually super unintelligent and how he heard that in a documentary. My husband says that this is his humour and I should just ignore it.
The party was great till Jack arrived. Another coworker / friend of them(let’s call him Paul) and his new partner (Lisa) arrived and Jack immediately grabbed Paul away. His partner looked terrified because she didn’t know anybody. Jack occupied Paul completely and told him some gossip about his ex-partner.
At some point Paul says that he has to go and stays with his partner the next hours. At some point I see Jack talking to Lisa alone. After that I hear somebody crying in our bathroom. Lisa is sobbing her eyes out and telling me that Jack told her that he’s glad that Paul isn’t going after looks anymore and gives girls like her a chance.
And because everybody loved Paul’s ex (which is not even true) that she was brave coming to the party. He also told her that being smart isn’t so important to get a good partner and that she’s the best example. I was livid.
I knew that Jack wanted that drama to happen and sure, Lisa could have ignored it but why? Why would anybody do something so mean? I went to find my husband but I couldn’t find him.
Jack started to tell the other guest that Lisa was a drama queen and crying like a 16 yo. After I heard this I just couldn’t take it anymore. I told him to go. He could take his little present and should never come back to our home. He asked me if my husband knows I’m saying this and I said that I don’t need my husbands approval to kick a bully out of my house.
The party guest were really quite (most work with my husband and Jack) but some supported me and were saying he should go. He went and after 10 minutes my husband came. He got some wine at a store and forgot to tell me. After he heard all of this he got super angry at me. That I shouldn’t disinvite people from his birthday. Some of our friends side with him and told me I could have quietly talk to Jack without kicking him off. I don’t feel like the jerk but maybe I’m wrong?”
11. AITJ For Ordering Different Dishes From My Partner's Favorite Restaurant?
“I want to try every dish in the world. I think every culture has some amazing dishes. She, on the other hand, is very picky.
When we try eating out and trying to decide a restaurant she rejects all my choices and I give up and have to eat at her favorite restaurant.
We spoke about this and she agreed to try some new restaurants that I would pick. I chose an Ethiopian restaurant, we drove there but then she goes “I am full, you can eat though I will sit there”. Again we had to go to her restaurant. Another time we chose an Uyghur restaurant.
She did the same. I decided not to ever suggest another restaurant.
A few weeks back we were home and both hungry. I told her I was gonna order some food through Ubereats, she asks that I order for her too. I thought about what she liked and ordered 5 different rice and meat dishes (she likes rice and meat) from this amazing Indonesian restaurant.
Food arrives and she throws a tantrum why I didn’t order from her favorite restaurant. I asked her to try it. If it is bad, spit it out and I will order from your restaurant. She didn’t even taste it despite my begging. She boils some eggs for herself and eats those.
A few weeks later she is ordering some food. I ask she order some for me too. Food arrives and it is 2 dishes, she takes 1 and hands me the other. It is what I hate. I ask why she ordered me this, she goes “aha, see you hate it when I do it.
Then why did you do it to me”. I tried arguing that I had ordered 5 dishes she would have loved if she had tried them. But that she never tried a single bite. On the other hand, I have eaten this before and she knows that I hate this.
Anyhow I ate it.
Yesterday I had a reason to celebrate. Shared the news with her and she says I am buying dinner. I agreed happily. Ordered 6 different dishes from her favorite restaurant. Food arrives and she is shocked. She asks I never asked her what she wanted to eat.
I tell her it is from her favorite restaurant and a total of 6 dishes all she likes.
Again she throws a tantrum saying how could I do it to her again when I myself don’t like it when she orders food without asking me what I want. I am baffled and think she’s being unreasonable. Again she ate boiled eggs and slept.
I can’t figure it out. Am I the jerk here? I have certainly learnt a lesson but just need to know if I was wrong.”
10. AITJ For Accidentally Outshining My Partner's Grandma's Mac n Cheese at a Family Gathering?
“So I don’t think it was better and to my knowledge, nobody said it was better.
I have been seeing my partner for a year and a half. His family was having a big gathering. It was so big that they rented out one of those party hall places and everyone brought food.
I didn’t know this at the time but his grandmother makes really good mac n cheese that everyone in the family raves over. It’s her pride and joy. She’s been making mac n cheese everyone loves for like 40 years.
This was a big event and everyone just kinda brought whatever.
There were a few key people that cooked main dishes so everyone didn’t bring a bag of chips. I decided to make mac n cheese. I should note that I went to culinary school and work as a professional chef so I can cook pretty well. This was a large event and there were tons of duplicates.
I think 3 or 4 different people brought peach cobbler. 3 people brought 3 different trays of greens beans and so on and so on. There was just a lot of food. Honestly had I known that grandma made some renown mac n cheese everyone loved I would have made something else because I would think people would just skip over a new one anyway.
The day came and I arrived. Me and bf got there separately and he saw me carrying a tray. He asked what it was and I said mac n cheese and he didn’t react any kind of way to that. People were setting food on tables and putting like food by other foods so I put my mac n cheese on the same table where grandma’s mac was.
She didn’t even look annoyed or anything .She just said glad you’re here and thanked me for bringing something.
Few hours into the event and lots of people are asking “who made this!” referring to mine. Lots of people were thanking me and asking for the recipe. They said I have to come to all family events and make this now and this is when I noticed bf’s grandma getting kinda upset.
To my knowledge nobody said mine was better or that hers wasn’t good. Both were gone by the end of the night.
She pulled me aside and said it was rude to bring mac n cheese when she makes the mac n cheese. I said I was just bringing anything and there are tons of different dishes other people made here. I even complimented her mac n cheese which is GREAT. I see why people like it. She said I was rude and disrespectful.”
9. AITJ For Not Supporting My Step-Siblings' Romantic Relationship?
“My mom and dad had me very young. Their relationship ended when I was 2 and it did not end well. There were a lot of accusations, no one ever admitted to anything and so they just sort of contentiously co-parented me. About 5 years after the relationship ended, my mom and dad both met their future spouses.
Stepmom (SM) and Stepdad (SD) were great for the co-parent relationship and my parents weren’t so concerned with what the other parent was doing. My parents would still fight, but it wasn’t nearly as bad, more passive-aggressive instead of outright yelling.
Eventually, my mom had a daughter with SD and my dad had a son with SM.
I watched my siblings grow up since I was a decade older, spending more time with my sister because she lived with my mom.As a result, my brother and sister (not related, but shared me as a brother) spent time together as kids. Not every weekend, but playing during my sports game or when they were invited to each other’s birthday parties.
When I was 15-16, my parents had a big fight that basically destroyed their relationship. I am still not sure what it was about because neither the parents/SM+SD will not talk about it, but they stopped talking to one another completely. I was gifted a car and started driving myself to and from.
My brother and sister basically stopped seeing each other and my family shifted into two factions and I have kept my lives separate from one another to keep the peace. There have been a few unavoidable events like graduations, but those have been few and cordial.Last week, my sister “Grace” (now 19f) dropped the bombshell that she met up with my brother “Anthony” (20m) through mutual friends.
They remembered each other and exchanged numbers. They had been communicating and even started seeing each other romantically. She was telling me because they were interested in continuing the relationship and wanted my blessing. I didn’t lie, I was upset. I said that this was the worst idea ever.
Not only do they share a sibling (they are NOT BLOOD RELATED), but their parents HATE EACH OTHER, used to be in a relationship, and have gone to great lengths to have no contact for the last 10+ years. She thinks that they are over it, but I was the one that lived through it, they are my parents, after all.I straight up told her the truth, this relationship was doomed and it needed to end before they got serious feelings.
I know some will say that I am a jerk, but I am not thinking of me.
My parents will already be tied together forever because of me which they have accepted that was their decision. But will they be able to accept their other child choosing the child of their hated ex-spouse? I don’t think so.
Grace pretty much told me not to project my parent’s relationship onto her (which honestly, I agree). But these are her and Anthony’s parents, too. Shouldn’t they be thinking of them? By the way, Anthony has not responded to my texts or calls since I found out. AITJ for not accepting my brother and sister’s relationship?
UPDATE: Just got off the phone with Anthony and he knows how the relationship will be perceived, especially by our dad.
That is why he and Grace have been seeing each other quietly to test the waters before agreeing to come out. Now that time has come and they are telling me first, then the parents next. Anthony was using me as a gauge for how our dad and Grace’s mom will react and obviously, he wasn’t pleased with the result.
I pretty much told him what I told Grace, that you have an uphill battle before anything has really happened. But, I did tell him something that I didn’t tell Grace. I told him that I would stand behind them because, yes it is weird as heck, but at the end of the day no laws were being broken so I was cool.
I will let you know how my mom and dad take it. Now that things are decided, there is no way Grace won’t tell my mom. Anthony will be slower to tell our dad. We will see how it plays out.
UPDATE #2: It is WWIII at my mom’s house right now as she and Grace are epically fighting about her relationship with my brother.
Neither of them would get on the phone with me when I called the house, but I could hear them yelling at one another. I think it is safe to say that my SD was not pleased when I was talking to him on the phone, he kept reiterating that I would need to call back at a better time.
I called Anthony and told him he might want to get on to telling dad, before my mom got her wits about her and called him with the news. I just drove to my dad’s because he can be pretty short-sighted sometimes (and I knew Anthony would be cowardly and call instead of doing it in-person).
I had gotten there after the call and my SM was just bustling about, kind of sighing to herself like she couldn’t believe that my brother would walk into this drama without consulting her. But my dad was the most surprising. I asked how he was doing and he just said that “it was something every young man would go through”. He didn’t really say more than that and I had to go, but I am pretty sure he was implying that every man would have to go through that “mistake girl”. But that mistake girl is my sister…so there is that.”
8. AITJ For Defending My Daughter Against Her Cyberbullying Cousin?
“My daughter Lia (14) had recently been having confidence issues. She’d been down about her appearance, and I recently found out that she’s been comparing herself to her cousin (my SIL Joanna’s daughter) Evie (14) when Evie posts pictures of herself on social media. Now, I have nothing against social media, but after looking through Evie’s profile, it’s clear that Evie uses lots of filters and lighting tricks, which again I have nothing against on principle.
However, it’s clear that Lia was comparing unfiltered/plain pictures of herself to Evie’s pictures.
I sat my daughter down and started by telling her how beautiful she is, how smart, amazing, and creative she is. Basically your standard mom compliments. I then showed her how exactly Evie gets her pictures to look the way they do.
I showed her the filters and lighting tricks, and she seemed much happier once she realized that Evie doesn’t actually look as perfect as she seems online. We live hours away from their family, so social media is the main way Lia interacts with Evie.
Lia then confessed to me that Evie had been commenting very hurtful things on Lia’s posts, calling her ugly, chubby, and calling Lia’s hair dirty and messy.
(Lia is mixed and has curly hair while Evie is white and has straight hair). I again comforted her and told her that Evie was just jealous that she has to use filter and lighting to look as good as Lia (this may have been a mistake, but it’s the only thing I could think of to help her feel good about herself.) It worked though, her confidence was way up.
The next day, I got a call from Joanna. Apparently, Lia had DM’d Evie after our conversation and blew up at Evie. Lia unloaded on her about how bad Evie made her feel and how nasty and fake she is. Lia also added in my bit about Evie being jealous.
Lia had then blocked Evie before she could respond.
Joanna asked me to “talk to Lia about working through conflict with kindness and calmness and how to use kind words when speaking to everyone.” I asked her if she had talked to Evie about not cyber bullying her own cousin, and Joanna said that that wasn’t the issue at hand.
I told her that I was proud of my daughter for standing up to her bully (I later told Lia this as well), and that I would reprimand Lia for her words only if she had said something like what Evie had said to her. Joanna told me I was dismissing her concerns for no reason, and that both the girls were in the wrong so they should both be reprimanded.
I told her that Lia did nothing wrong and she should teach Evie not to bully before trying to tell me how to parent, then I hung up.
I went to my husband with the events thus far, and he told me that I had messed up. He said that I should have been peaceful with Joanna when she called and then came to him before making any big waves with his family. Now I’m thinking he may have a point, AITJ?”
7. AITJ For Not Wanting to Split My Late Father's Estate with My Half-Brother?
“I (28M) am in a difficult circumstance and I’m unsure if I’m acting appropriately. My father recently passed away suddenly, leaving behind a house, a few cars, and some possessions. The problem is that even though he is biologically connected to my half-brother (30M) from a previous relationship, my dad never asserted or paid child support for him.
They were practically strangers. Things are getting complex because my half-brother is now claiming his “fair” portion of the property and assets.
My sister (25F) is disabled, and she and I were raised by both mom and dad. Our father never made any attempt to get to know our HB due his work in his earlier years and the fact his mom demanded full custody.
We all knew he existed but beyond that we knew nothing. Our father never spoke of him, and it appeared that they had no communication at all.
We learned that our father didn’t have a will when he passed away. That meant that his kids, including my HB, would receive a portion of his assets according to the law.
The fact is that my sister and I have lived in our father’s house since day one; it now serves as our home. Additionally, the home is built around the needs of my sister. My father invested in the home so my sister would be able to live a comfortable life in this house, which is nearly impossible elsewhere.
Now, my HB appears out of nowhere and demands his part of the estate and house. Although I am aware of his biological connection to our father, I find it difficult to believe that he has a right to the house that my sister and I have called home for our whole lives.
There are modifications in the house that are needed due to my sister’s disabilities. Relocation, both physically and emotionally, would be difficult.
I’ve struggled to decide what to do. I can relate to my HB, who is practically a stranger to me, on the one hand. While my sister and I were there, taking care of our father while he was alive, he never had the opportunity to meet our father.
If my half-brother has his way, we would lose our connection to that place and our close relationship with our father.
Without a will, according to attorneys I’ve spoken with, my HB has a strong case. I don’t know if I can just let go of the house because it is so important to my sister’s wellbeing and carries so many memories.
It feels unfair. I have tried to talk to my HB, but he seems determined to battle for “his part.” He and his other brother (raised together) said he is entitled to more than 1/3 because of the lack of child support and the fact he didn’t have a dad led to a tougher life which is deplorable.
My sister needs special devices just to complete basic everyday functions.
Am I a jerk for not wanting to split the house and estate with my half-brother? Should I put my sister’s needs and our emotional ties to the house ahead of everything else, or should I try to find a way to involve my half-brother in this challenging situation?”
6. AITJ for Wanting to Move Away Despite Promising to Care for My Special Needs Siblings?
“I (26F) have two siblings who are special needs. Slight physical disabilities but mostly just mental, leaving both of them at around 7-10 mentally despite being between 20 and 30 years old. They cannot ever live on their own.
I promised my mom in my early teens that I would never move out and always be there for when they both couldn’t be taken care of by my parents and I would care for them so they didn’t have to go into a group home.
I got a job to help pay bills at 19. My mom has gotten every single check I’ve ever made since then.
We’ve functioned as a household, meaning everything I would need any money for was in the household budget. Gas, rent, groceries, insurance, streaming services, phone, gym membership, etc.
I’ve also made tips.
I did get my own space, an external building like a mother-in-law suite but it doesn’t have a bathroom or kitchen. The roof has always leaked whenever it rains despite multiple attempts to repair it ourselves and the quote to replace the roof is $3000.
I was happy with this arrangement up until a few years ago when I met and married my wife.
She knew my situation from the beginning and was perfectly okay with it, and moved in.
We’ve been together 3 years, married for over a year now and have outgrown the space. We have decided to save up for an apartment, we told my parents and I told them I would continue to financially take care of them.
I’m picking up extra shifts and that money is coming directly to me and into savings plus my wife’s contributions. Thinking we should have enough saved up in about a years time.
The plan with my siblings being that by the time I need to care for them (10 years or so) we will have purchased a house or a dual home property for all to live at.
This is where I’m feeling guilty.
My wife and I talked about what we want in the future, where to live and what we want to do career wise.
We’ve started seriously considering moving to a state very far away from where we are now.
It has everything we want to be happy for a long time, and the job opportunities that we both want for our careers.
Basically getting a tiny house for just us and living our best life while we are relatively young and able.
Then when my siblings are needing more care, having tiny houses built for them on our property with obvious disability safety and accessibility in mind.
However that would mean moving them far like I promised not to, not to mention me moving away and no longer supplying them with my paycheck.
I have told my mother previously that I’m not going to be working my current career for much longer and will have a paycut. So that won’t be a surprise.
Am I a jerk for wanting to move away when my family counts on me? I don’t want my siblings to go into a group home or anything and I am still willing to care for them.”
5. AITJ For Defending My Relationship Choices After My Friend Insulted Them?
“I (25F) have been friends with Natalie (29F) and her partner Liam (33M) for a few years now. In the few years that I’ve known Natalie, she’s expressed numerous times how she wishes that Liam would propose to her seeing as they’ve been together for 9 years and living together for 7.
And from what I’ve been told she’s even tried proposing to him but he said no because “he’s the man in the relationship so he should be the one to propose” and all that supposedly happened over 3 years ago yet he still hasn’t popped the question.
The other night I was having drinks with Natalie and a few other girls and she was in tears over the fact that she’s turning 30 in a few months and she’s still not married or even engaged.
We were all trying to keep her spirits up and bring her some sort of comfort by telling her that maybe Liam is planning something big to make her 30th special and since this year is also their 10 year anniversary he might actually surprise her with an engagement ring, she just shrugged us off so we left it at that.
After a few drinks she was a bit tipsy but seemed to be in a good enough mood to ask me how I managed to get my fiancé (34M-Charlie) to propose to me only after being together for less than a year and a half. I thought we were having a genuine conversation about relationships so I was honest and told her that I was direct with him from the beginning of our relationship, I told him I’d never be with a man for more than 2 years without getting a marriage proposal and he understood.
I thought that was the end of it but she then made a comment about how she didn’t realize being such a prude would actually get a man commit to you. I asked her what she meant by that, and she was referring to how my fiancée and I have never been intimate and how I didn’t even let him kiss me for the first 3 months of our relationship, and that she honestly thought that our relationship was doomed because a man needs to be pleased.
At that point I also had a few drinks in me and after feeling like her comment rubbed me the wrong way, I asked her to explain how she thought being loose was the better option, because how did her being intimate with Liam on their first encounter and going all the way with him on the second stop him from stringing her along for nearly 9 months before finally asking her to be his partner followed by his constant unfaithfulness during the first year of their relationship and then accompanied by his refusal to propose to her after being together for almost 10 years.
By the time I was done saying everything I said above she was crying again and proceeded to call me a prude jerk and then left. The other girls agree that she started the fight with her comment but some of them are saying that I shouldn’t have said all those things about her relationship seeing as she’s already having a hard time about everything that’s going on with her and Liam.”
4. AITJ For Letting My Kids Play In The Yard?
“My neighbor had unpleasant words and big problems with me letting my kids play in our own yard while they were recovering from Strep.
The neighbor kid from across the street is a 4 year old who is obsessed with my kids and their swing set in our front yard.
She fully expects to come play EVERY single time their front door opens, they return home from anywhere, when we open a door, or when we are doing absolutely anything outside. Basically hours on end, every day. I offer playtime frequently when it suits our schedule; otherwise, kindly send her back home, to which she wails so loudly that the people two streets over can hear her.
For about 2 weeks, our house was sick with STREP, passing from one kid to the next, then both adults getting it, and this round was rife with the pukes. (yay for kid germs) They didn’t all have it at once, so one kid was ok while the other was down and out.
I told the neighbors we absolutely wouldn’t be sharing germs and could play when all the kids were better. In between pukes and improving, my kids wanted to go outside, so I let them. They are high-energy kids who rarely stay down for long, and to see them so sick was pitiful.
Plus, Vitamin D and fresh air help, right?
WRONG, I guess!
After everyone was better and the kids were playing again, neighbor mom marched over to tell me how horrible of a jerk I am for making her kid jealous that mine can play on the swing set but her kid can’t, that there is no way I should let my kids outside when sick, that she’s called around to her friends and they all agree I’m a liar or crazy, and lastly to let me know I should be explaining my reasons to the 4 year old because, as she puts it, “I just don’t know what to tell her to make her stop crying; it’s your yard, you explain the rules!”
Am I the jerk for closing down my front yard swing set for an obsessed 4-year-old?”
3. AITJ for Expecting My In-Laws to Acknowledge My Birthday After Years of Thoughtful Gestures on My Part?
“Every year I take the initiative to send my in-laws thoughtful gifts AND cards for their birthdays, Mother’s day, and Father’s day as well as Christmas. It was recently my birthday and I realized that in four years, I have NEVER had them even remotely acknowledge my bday. No text, no card, no nothing.
I don’t need a gift but like I feel like the least they could do is reciprocate.
It is the principle of the whole thing that bugs me. I don’t know why I let this bother me, but they have only one other daughter in-law whom they worship and they always celebrate everything she does.
I guess I stupidly thought by getting married that I would also gain a sweet, supportive 2nd family as I am very close to my own parents. I realize not all families are as loving.
More context/background: I have never been in a relationship with a guy whose parents haven’t loved me (sometimes they loved me more than their own son, lol).
My amazingly loving and generous parents are much, much older and elderly and I know I won’t have them around as long – I think this caused me to subconsciously create the expectation of finding a 2nd family when I got married – it created what I affectionately call the “dream in-law complex” that I have.
Unrealistic, I now realize.
My husband (SO) said that I should not be mad because his parents “don’t know or don’t remember” that it is my bday – essentially removing all blame from them. In my mind, after four years – they should’ve asked when my birthday was, or my SO should’ve informed them.
They know I am the one doing all the work behind the scenes to acknowledge them so they don’t get mad when we (their son) forget their special days. They are hypocritical and spiteful and have ignored us in the past for forgetting “their special days” through the year.
I made him let them know that it was my birthday and kind of put him in the middle of this “conflict.” AITJ?
Even purely from an etiquette stand point they should attempt to care. Conversely, my parents spoil my husband on his bday… cake, party, gifts, card, etc. Also, this is not an issue of money either… my SO’s parents are quite well off.
Part of me feels like my SO should respect the fact that it is my bday and what his parents do (or don’t do) hurts my feelings – it’s only one day a year that I care about his parents reciprocating the acknowledgment.
I just had wished it occurred to my SO to stick up for me in a way without having to be prompted. AITJ?”
2. AITJ For Refusing To Change Restaurant Venue For My Picky Eater Friend?
“I (61M) live several states away from where I grew up in the northeastern US. I still have a few friends back home and I go back for a long weekend each summer to visit with my buddies. We go to restaurants, go see old haunts, maybe take in a concert or a ballgame.
It’s always a good time. There are 5 of us left (used to be 6) and we have vowed to keep the tradition up until the last man is left standing.
One of the guys “Harry” (62M) I’ve known since preschool. He’s… different. He doesn’t have a lot of friends and doesn’t do well with women.
There are reasons for this. Many reasons. But, I won’t get bogged down here trying to describe ALL of his various neuroses. For the sake of this post I’ll keep it relevant. Trust me when I say that his problems are all self inflicted.
Harry is a really picky eater.
He always has been. His mom always indulged him on this I guess because it was just easier. For example I witnessed many times where she’d make him something to eat. If he didn’t like it he’d get up and throw it in the trash. After he would whine ridiculously she’d make him something else.
My mom would have send me to my room. Restaurants were really trying. His mom would drive servers crazy trying to please him enough to get him to eat which was embarrassing. As we grew, I avoided eating with him.
Cut to a few years ago. I make restaurant reservations on our reunion weekend based on suggestions from people who were going to be in attendance.
The majority suggested a particular place, so I make the reservation. It’s a nice, upscale restaurant. Turns out Harry is banned from this place. Not sure exactly why, but I wasn’t surprised. There were lots of people going and trying to change venues with that many people involved would be too difficult.
One of the guys though knows the manager and convinced her to let Harry come if we took responsibility for him. We all had a great time. Everybody except Harry. When we weren’t looking he send his entree back to the kitchen because he didn’t like the way it was cooked.
Long story short, he got kicked out and banned all over again.
Cut to last week. This years get together is the weekend of 7/15. I forgot that Harry was banned from this particular place. There are a few stragglers coming and they love this place. Harry of course wants us to change restaurants.
I decided that I’ve had enough of it and I’ve refused to change venues. He’s been blowing my phone up leaving voicemails and texts. I’ll be up there several days and he’s invited to everything, including many other meals. So, he’s not being treated poorly I’m just sick of the nonsense.
He’d only miss that dinner.
He’s been calling everyone trying to get them to work on me because I “hate him”. Could I have handled this better, or am I justified in holding him accountable for his behavior?
tl;dr: lifelong picky eater banned from a restaurant. I made arrangements to meet several old friends there. Picky eater wants me to change venues but I’m refusing.”
1. AITJ For Not Accepting My Step-Grandmother Because of Her Affair With My Grandfather?
“For starters I just want to say my family is really small, like really small. It’s just me, my siblings, my parents, and grandparents on both sides. Long line of only children marrying only children until my siblings and I were born.
Growing up, my paternal grandparents were divorced – they divorced sometime while my father was in college but he won’t talk much about that.
And growing up, my step-grandmother was always in the picture, i’ll just call her “Mary” (fake name). Mary and my grandfather had an affair, and after he divorced my grandma he married Mary. Since then, my grandmother has passed away which in my eyes only leaves me with one grandmother left and one grandfather (my maternal grandpa).
I hold nothing against Mary, she’s a wonderful lady who gives me and my siblings gifts every time we see her, and if we had met under different circumstances I truly would love her, but I just can’t. She almost tries too hard, and I just can’t bring myself to look past the fact that she may have been the catalyst for my paternal grandparents divorce and growing up with holidays always being awkward.
I also partially blame her for my grandmothers early passing; after my grandparents divorce, my grandma lived alone, and had she lived with someone else, EMS may have been called sooner and able to save her life. (I’m well aware Mary truly did nothing to end my grandmothers life, it’s just a deep rooted feeling i’ve had since my grandma passed away.)
A few weeks ago, I was talking with my dad and oldest sister, and I accidentally let it slip what we were all thinking: we dislike Mary.
My mother jumped in the conversation randomly and the convo went something like this:
Mom : “Don’t say that, she’s your grandmother!”
Me: “She’s related to me by a marriage created out of an affair. She’s not my grandma and never has or will be.”
Mom: “Don’t be rude!”
My father gave me the classic disappointed dad stare, and I can’t help but feel bad now.
I know I shouldn’t hate Mary, but a part of me feels robbed. I was so young when my grandmother passed that the only memories I have of her exist in photos and small gifts she gave me that weren’t lost over the years. I try my hardest to preserve her memory in everything I do, and even plan to name my a future kid of mine after her.
I know this feeling of loss is not in any way Mary’s fault, but yet my brain illogically finds ways to think that.
I don’t spend time with Mary like I do with my living grandma, I don’t text Mary I did when I was young before knowing of the affair and my grandmas passing, and whenever Mary is around I stay away from her (and my paternal grandpa, but he’s just a jerk.
My entire family knows that. Mary is truly a saint for staying with him all these years.) She tries her hardest, she really does. Like I said, wonderful lady, always smiling and hand made gifts (which are really cool, I must admit), but I can’t treat her like the “grandma” she’s supposed to be.
So, am I the jerk?”